Written by Jason Johnson (Christian Alliance for Orphans) in partnership with Peacetree Productions and Angel Studios.
For more information, visit www.cafo.org
A Group Discussion Guide for Those Inspired to Take Action
“There shouldn’t be a child without a home. We can turn this whole thing around.”
REVERAND MARTIN
CONTENTS
Introduction
Stream “Sound of Hope: The Story of Possum Trot”
How to use this guide
Session One: Understanding the Story of Foster Care
How do kids end up in foster care?
What is the goal of the system?
What are the impacts of neglect and abuse?
Session Two: Assessing My Motivations and Expectations
Why am I exploring this?
What will it require of me?
What should I expect?
Session Three: Identifying My Unique Role
What needs are there in my community?
What is my something?
What role is most important?
Session Four: Wrestling with Fear, Doubt and Uncertainty
What am I most afraid of?
What is the thing beneath the thing?
How do I not let fear win?
Session Five: Building a System of Support
What kinds of support will I need?
How do I find that support?
What can I do to support myself?
Session Six: Taking My Best Next Step
How do I pray?
Do I need more clarity, or more courage?
What does success look like?
Appendix
About the Pure Religion Project
Host a Pure Religion Sunday Event with “Sound of Hope”
Additional resources for your church
Introduction
Inspired by the powerful true story, Sound of Hope: The Story of Possum Trot follows Donna and Reverend Martin as they ignite a fire in the hearts of their rural church to embrace children in the foster care system who needed adoptive families, proving that steady, determined love can transform the lives of vulnerable children.
This movie tells the inspirational and beautiful story of a particular church in a particular time and place. It is not intended to answer every question for every situation, but rather depicts the specific details of a small, rural church that answered the call to care for vulnerable children in their community. So, when we watch the film, we may get some of our questions answered, we may have lingering questions that aren’t directly answered, and we may even walk away with new questions that we didn’t even know to ask before.
This discussion guide is designed to create a safe place in which you can ask questions, share ideas, discuss important topics and be encouraged with others who were inspired by the film to explore what their next steps might be in caring for vulnerable children.
Stream “Sound of Hope: The Story of Possum Trot”
Angel Studios and Peacetree Productions have graciously offered free screenings to non-profits and churches. Feel free to download a FREE screening license at www.possumtrotimpact.com and watch the film with your church or small group before digging in deeper with the Discussion Guide.
The process is simple.
STEP 1
Complete the Screening Request Form at www.possumtrotimpact.com to become an Approved Host.
STEP 2
Receive an encrypted link to the film via email.
STEP 3
Scan or click to fill out the form and request your free screening link!
Get creative about how you utilize this powerful tool! Perhaps you host a screening for your church or partner with other churches and organizations to facilitate a communitywide collaborative screening! Whatever you decide to do, take advantage of this incredible opportunity we all now have to impact lives through the story of Possum Trot!
We encourage you to be ready to give and support a local Call-to-Action, so those who are moved to take action have the immediate opportunity to do so. Examples could include hosting a follow-up informational meeting where those who were moved by the film can come to ask questions, be connected to others and identify what their next steps are in the journey. Or invite people to participate in a service project in response to the film, perhaps partnering with a local agency, child welfare office, group home or other child serving organization in your community. Following the screening event with a specific call-to-action will be incredibly important as you help people take their energy in response to the film and turn it into action for children and families.
How to Use This Guide
This discussion guide is based around some key themes presented in The Sound of Hope: The Story of Possum Trot along with some other major concepts to process as you consider your involvement in foster care or adoption. Ideally, it’s intended to be used in the context of community - where ideas can be shared and encouragement offered in a small group setting. Simply approach each section as a discussion stimulus and utilize the suggested discussion questions to help move the conversation forward. You may choose as many sections to cover in a group setting as you’d like, or simply focus on the one most needed for the group at the given time. The topics and questions are intended to promote discussion but not to be exhaustive—feel free to use some of them, all of them, or none of them—and always be thinking of others that would be helpful to ask and discuss.
Here’s a few considerations to make your times together most productive, and your discussions most impactful:
1. NO LEADER NECESSARY
This guide is intended to be as accessible and user-friendly as possible so that any group can pick it up and use it, whether or not there is a designated “leader.” The material is written so that members of the group can share responsibilities for reading and helping others navigate through different discussions.
2. STRUCTURE OF SESSIONS
The structure of this resource is fluid—designed for new participants to join in or leave the group at any point. The discussions don’t necessarily build on one another and working through the discussions sequentially is not required (although, following the current layout might help to produce the most robust conversations, but again, it’s not required.) Groups can begin with any section and choose to move on to another at any point, given the particular needs and dynamics of those in the group.
3. A DISCUSSION STARTER
The goal of each section is to promote discussion. This resource isn’t written as an in-depth study but is designed to promote in-depth thought and conversation. Each section covers a unique perspective on a particular aspect of both the film and the fostering journey that may encourage you, challenge you and hopefully inspire you. The goal isn’t for this resource to cover everything. Rather, it’s for everything presented in this resource to act as a catalyst for healthy and encouraging group discussion.
4. GUIDELINES
Your group, whatever its format, needs to be a safe place to learn, share, and be vulnerable with one another. Many of the topics discussed will draw out deep emotional responses and raw feelings—all of which require a healthy environment in order to be processed. In that light, here are a few suggested ground rules designed to help make your group experience positive and encouraging for everyone:
Commit to confidentiality. What’s shared in this group stays in this group.
Refrain from offering unsolicited advice. Assume the role of encourager; coach only when requested.
Use “I” statements rather than “you” or “we” statements. The objective is for all participants to be personally vulnerable and encouraged, not to make generalizations.
Leave room for everyone to speak. Allow all to participate . . . but no one to dominate.
Avoid trying to give the “right” answers; focus more on giving “honest” answers. Transparency will make your time richer and more effective.
5. HOW TO USE THE MOVIE
Get creative! Utilize the Free Screening opportunity at possumtrotimpact.com to host an event or encourage people to watch the movie in a theater or by renting or purchasing it on a streaming platform before committing to attend the discussions. When you gather, each session of the guide will link directly to specific scenes in the film that correlate with the topic of discussion for that session. After experiencing the power of viewing the whole film, this will allow group participants to be reminded of particular scenes that help drive meaningful conversation together.
Sound of Hope Engagement Campaign Guide SESSION ONE
Understanding the Story of Foster Care
In the community of Possum Trot, the most pressing need was to find families for the kids that no one else would take. As a result, the need for adoptive families for children who could not be reunited with their biological families was particularly urgent, and this movie is the incredibly inspirational story of how the Church rose up to meet that need. It is not intended to be reflective of the whole story surrounding foster care - which is broad and full of unique and nuanced stories of families and a system doing its best to ensure kids are safe. Ultimately, foster care is very much about finding safe placement for children while their biological parents get the services and support they need to be healthy. But it’s also so much more than that. In this section we will discuss the situational dynamics that often lead to foster care, what the goal of the system is in foster care, and how things like trauma and poverty often repeat themselves through generational cycles that are perpetuated into the lives of children and families.
To access all of Session One videos in one place, scan or click. (password: SOHDISCUSSION)
SCENES TO EXPLORE
(Click or scan to view scene) Understanding the Need
(password: SOHDISCUSSION)
CPS TRAINING
CPS CHALLENGES
How do kids end up in foster care?
There are a variety of reasons children end up in foster care - ranging from abuse to neglect, substance abuse and unsafe living environments. However, Susan Ramsey, the primary social worker working alongside the Martins and their church, shared that poverty ultimately lies as the root cause of most issues that result in the removal of a child. Despite some misconceptions out there, children do not end up in foster care because of anything they have done. Nor is it always the case that they don’t have parents who love them. Most do, it’s just all too common that those parents who genuinely love their children and want a good life for them are often riddled themselves by the weight of generational trauma and compounding emotional and situational vices that destroy their capacity to provide a stable and safe environment for their children. It’s on the foundation of these types of deeply embedded issues within every community around the country that families become vulnerable and susceptible to the child welfare system.
Discussion
• Read “The River” in the Appendix of this guide
• What stands out to you most in this illustration?
• How does understanding the holistic continuum help to both reframe misconceptions and affirm convictions about the help and support vulnerable children and families need?
• What part of “the river” are you most drawn to engage with?
What is the goal of the system?
Foster care is designed to be temporary. Whenever possible, the goal is to provide kinship placements (family members or close family friends) or foster families for children while their biological families get the services and support needed to make the necessary changes to be able to safely reunify with their children. However, in the case of Possum Trot, the community was facing an urgent shortage of families willing to adopt children who couldn’t be reunited with their biological families. In all cases, the goal of the system is for children to be safe. Ideally that can be found in reunification with a healthy biological parent or family. In cases like Possum Trot, where that ends up not being possible, adoption into safe, loving and permanent homes is needed. In the end, foster parents are not against biological parents - they are for them. The fight we fight is one together…for healing, restoration and safety.
Discussion
Read Ephesians 6:12
• While we are working to solve a very real human problem of children needing safe and loving homes, this passage reminds us of the spiritual battle we are engaging in as we do that work. It helps to clarify that we are not fighting against other people but rather are fighting for them against something bigger. How does this verse speak to our posture towards biological families, the system and anyone else participating in the stories of these children?
Read John 10:10
• What implications does this verse have on the foster care space? How does it help form a perspective on what we’re participating in by opening our homes or supporting biological families or wrapping around foster or adoptive families in our community?
It’s been said the goal of foster care is not to “get” a child for your family, but rather to “give” your family for a child. Discuss the implications of holding to this mindset. What difference does a “get” vs. “give” mentality make as it relates to the overall goals of fostering or adopting and the process we have to go through in order to become licensed to open our homes?
Understanding the Neglect & Abuse SCENES TO EXPLORE
(Click or scan to view scene)
(password: SOHDISCUSSION)
BATHTIME
MARTINS AT CPS OFFICE
What are the impacts of trauma?
Some of the children in the movie exhibit difficult and confusing behaviors, such as sudden outbursts of anger, fear at bath time, and acting like a cat. Such behaviors may be startling and confusing for new foster parents but can be common responses to neglect or abuse.
As the film communicates, around 70% of children entering the foster care system have experienced significant neglect, especially due to parental drug addiction. Most of the remainder have likely experienced serious abuse. Challenging behaviors and emotions are borne out of these harmful realities and also from the lack of so many vital positive inputs that nurture and train a child into health. Genetic vulnerabilities and exposure to drugs or alcohol before birth may contribute as well.
The film did not minimize the difficulties that often come for a family choosing to provide foster care. It makes clear that this path requires a great deal of commitment, time, and prayer and can sometimes be very costly for the whole family. It is not an easy path, calling for faithful and often sacrificial parenting amidst a child’s multidimensional needs. Meanwhile, foster parents often encounter very complex relationships with the child welfare system and children’s biological families as well.
But, as the film also makes clear, when a child enters a loving home through the foster system, it marks a vital moment of life transition. They can encounter an environment of warmth and consistent boundaries, perhaps for the first time. This loving authority can cultivate remarkable healing and growth over time. When a child experiences a steady dose of parental attentiveness and tenderness alongside firm, consistent guidance, positive growth can take place in every domain of their being - mind, body, spirit, and relationships.
Finally, the community at Possum Trot models a beautiful principle for cultivating the long-term flourishing of a fostering family and their children: devotion to a local church whose commitment is to walk alongside one another in all of life. In addition to whatever professional services may be helpful at times, the steady support and deeply shared values of the people of God in seasons of great challenge are vital for the long road of parenting.
Discussion
Children entering the foster care system need so much good that can only come through faithful day-to-day parenting. Every child needs kind and firm authority in order to thrive, and a child who has lacked loving authority may need it even more. Researchers call this kind of parenting “authoritative parenting.” It is consistently associated with the most positive mental and relational health outcomes, both in the short- and long-term, including for children who’ve experienced early adversity.
While consistently kind and firm parenting is best for all children, those who come to us through foster care almost always require much more time, energy, prayer, and persistence on the part of parents than one might expect. Especially initially, a child needs a substantial amount of our presence, attention and active guidance in order to form new habits and ways of relating to others. Forming new outlooks and positive habits can take far more time than we’d have imagined, and sometimes is met with great challenges. That’s true even for healthy children, and all the more so for those who’ve faced serious neglect or abuse.
As Possum Trot helps us understand, the positive outcomes we desire for children in our care often come far more slowly or incompletely than we’d wish. Yet, as the film also helps us see, there is great power in persevering love. As Scripture teaches and the best research now confirms, we have real reason for confidence that when we “do not grow weary in doing good”, we and the children we love will “in due time reap a harvest.” (Galatians 6:9)
• What concerns, questions, or fears do you have about the challenges you may face as you welcome a child into a different kind of parenting experience than they had previously?
• What fears do you have about the neglect or abuse kids have experienced?
• Why do you think you have those fears?
• Share about a time when you saw kind and firm authority being effectively carried out on behalf of a child. What were the benefits or fruits?
Read Psalm 34:18; 147:3
• How do these verses reflect God’s heart and, echoing that heart, invite us into the healing journey on behalf of those we welcome into our homes through foster care?
• What invitation toward personal growth might we receive as we welcome a child whose life has been deeply impacted by the world’s brokenness?
“Although the Bible includes examples of trauma on most every page, it never gives trauma the final word. Right alongside every wound is the potential for healing. Alongside every hardship is a sturdy hope of overcoming, not just as hunched survivors, but as ‘more than conquerors through him who loved us’ (Romans 8:37).”
JEDD MEDEFIND
Forward of Overcoming: What Science and Scripture Say about Resilience
Sound of Hope Engagement Campaign Guide SESSION TWO
Assessing My Motivations and Expectations
In the story of Possum Trot, Reverend Martin inspired the people of Bennett Chapel to respond to the need around them by continually reminding them of two things: How good God has been to them, and how He wants them to extend that good into the lives of others around them. In this section we will discuss our motivations for wanting to get involved in caring for vulnerable children and take an honest look at how opening our lives and homes to hard things may cost us much, but in the end will be worth it.
To access all of Session Two videos in one place, scan or click. (password: SOHDISCUSSION)
Assessing Motivations & Expectations
SCENES TO EXPLORE
(Click or scan to view scene)
(password: SOHDISCUSSION)
THE LORD SPEAKS
THE KITCHEN
HOW CAN WE NOT DO SOMETHING
REV. MARTIN INSPIRES THE CHURCH
Why am I exploring this?
In the film we see Donna’s vision that then translates into a desire to open their home to more children. She shares her vision and heart with Reverend Martin and, at least initially, he was a bit hesitant. Eventually, Reverend Martin gets on board because of what He believes in Scripture coupled with what he sees playing out in the community around them. It should be noted, it is often the case that within a marriage, one partner is initially more eager, excited or passionate about getting involved than the other. And it’s most often the case, though not always, that it is the wife that seems a little further ahead on it than the husband. If you find yourself in a similar place as the Reverend and Donna were, know that it’s not unusual and there’s nothing particularly “wrong” with you. It’s simply a beautiful opportunity for spouses to have meaningful and prayerful conversations together and for one another as they seek clarity and wisdom from the Lord on their next steps.
In the end, the Martins were both driven by an overwhelmingly compelling “why.” This then inspired a movement of dozens of other people getting involved, all likely for their own unique yet somehow interconnected reasons “why.” The question for each of us is similar…what is our “why?”
The importance of finding our “why” cannot be overstated. It’s a question that is not answered and then left behind, but one that walks with us throughout the entirety of our journey - just in different forms. On the front end, the question “why?” has more to do with motivations and compelling reasons to say yes. Then long after that yes, at various times throughout the journey when things are especially difficult or heavy, the question “why?” still persists, but in different forms - no longer asking “Why would we get involved?”, instead now asking “Why do we continue to stay involved?” The question “why?” walks with us on this journey, both in helping to clarify our motivations for getting involved as well as substantiating our reasons for staying there, even when things are hard.
Discussion
Spend time briefly sharing your story of how God led you to this point. What experience or perspective is a part of your story that plays a role in identifying your “why?”
Read 1 John 3:16,18; 4:19
• In what specific and practical ways have we been loved by God?
• How do the ways we have been loved by Him help inform our “why” behind getting involved in foster care or adoption?
The work of Jesus on our behalf compels us to work on behalf of others. Why would we step into the hard? Why would we lean into the broken? Why would we open our families to the traumatic and difficult? Because that’s what Jesus has done for us. We lay our lives down for others because He first perfectly, sacrificially and sufficiently laid down His life for us.
Read Romans 8:15; Ephesians 1:5
• What do these passages tell us about God’s work of welcoming us into His family?
• How does the theology of adoption help form the basis of our “why?”
But it doesn’t end there. The truth is we’re not all called to adopt - or bring children into our homes through other avenues like foster care. So how does the doctrine of our adoption into the family of God practically translate into a “why” that might not include adoption as an application?
Read Matthew 1:22-23
This is a classic Christmas verse that communicates a truth far beyond December 25th. Wrapped up in the picture of Jesus being born, wrapped in swaddling clothes and placed in a manger is what theologians refer to as the doctrine of incarnation. In essence, this is the act of God, in His glory, wrapping Himself up in the form of humanity in order to enter into our broken world, “with us.” God is the kind of God who moves towards hard places and broken people. It’s His consistent method of operation throughout all of Scripture, punctuated in dramatic form through the birth of Jesus. He says to us all, “I see you where you are, and I’m coming after you!”
• How does the doctrine of incarnation help form the basis of our “why?”
• What makes incarnation in our lives, in a very practical and real sense, so difficult sometimes? What prevents us from “moving towards” hard places and broken people?
If our adoption into God’s family is at the core of the gospel, then the gospel is certainly at the core of our calling to care for children who need loving, safe and permanent families. As well, if the incarnation of Jesus is at the core of the gospel, then our stepping towards the hard and broken is certainly at the core of our calling to care for vulnerable children and families. This. Is. Our. Why.
Why would we do this? Because this is what Jesus has done for us. Why would we continue to do it, even when things get hard? Because this is what Jesus has done for us.
What will it require of me?
In one particular scene Donna and her friend Renee are chatting after church. Donna is sharing about the implications that await them and their community as they continue to welcome in children that need families. And in one of the most poignant lines in the whole movie, Renee, already skeptical of the whole thing, shares frankly with her friend: “You need to be careful what you encourage.” This statement is loaded with a weight that must be seriously considered before moving too quickly into the space of foster care and adoption. It’s not a statement meant to deter people, but rather encourage them to consider the full weight of requirements and costs that await them on the other side of their “yes.”
Discussion
Read Matthew 16:24-25
• In a literal sense, the idea of “lose your life” certainly means one thing; but, in a more general sense, it can mean many things. What aspects of “lose your life” come to mind when you consider engaging in foster care or adoption?
• Take note that to “lose your life” is not in vain or without benefit; it’s more of a great exchange. The laying down of one life in order to find a new and better one. What aspects of finding life come to mind when you consider engaging foster care or adoption?
What should I expect?
The story of Possum Trot is unique to the circumstances of that community, but also very familiar to others who have journeyed for any length of time through the beauty and brokenness of foster care, adoption and caring for the most vulnerable. It’s a journey both driven by hope but also tempered by the very real and raw struggles that gave birth to the need for hope in the first place. The strain and stress of being a foster and adoptive parent is uniquely intense. When we follow Jesus near to the world’s pain, when we welcome into our hearts and homes young lives that have known much hurt, and we will certainly share in their hurt. It will require and draw much out of us, and often reveal to us many of our own shortcomings and struggles. Yet, it will also bless and give much to us, bringing about good gifts in our lives we otherwise would have missed out on had we not chosen to say yes to this journey.
Discussion
Read Romans 5:2-4 and James 1:1-2
Both of these passages acknowledge the very real fact that there will be suffering and struggle along our journeys. Yet, they also point to the good things that are produced as a result; gifts that we otherwise may have missed out on.
• How do these passages help frame your understanding of what to expect on this journey?
Read Genesis 17:15-17 and 18:12-15
Abraham and Sarah laugh at God when He tells them that she will give birth to a son despite the odds that are against them (namely, their very old age). Sometimes, the promises of God sound too good to be true. Laughable, almost. “How could God do something so good through someone like me?” we might think.
• When you consider the “good” God has for you on the other side of your yes, what parts of you relate with Abraham and Sarah?
“It’s the mercy of God that He doesn’t show us everything that will unfold the moment we first say yes to Him; all the hard would be too unbearable and all the good would be too unbelievable.”
JASON JOHNSON, REFRAMING FOSTER CARE
What are your thoughts on this quote? What particularly stands out to you?
Sound of Hope Engagement Campaign Guide SESSION THREE
Identifying My Unique Role
In the story of Possum Trot, God led many members of the community to become foster and adoptive parents. But those weren’t the only roles needed. In the most stressful moments for these families, people showing up to cook, do laundry and provide emotional support made all the difference. In this section we will explore how the imagery of a human body is consistently used throughout Scripture to illustrate how the people of God best relate with each other and work together. We’ll see that while each of us has a unique role to play, we’re not all created to play the same role. It’s through this lens that we’ll explore what your unique role might be in fostering, adopting or finding other unique and creative ways to rally around children and families in your community just like they did in Possum Trot.
To access all of Session Three videos in one place, scan or click. (password: SOHDISCUSSION)
Seeing Unique Roles
SCENES TO EXPLORE
(Click or scan to view scene)
SERVING ONE ANOTHER
(password: SOHDISCUSSION)
“The burden is only light when it’s shared.”
REVEREND MARTIN, SOUND OF HOPE: THE STORY OF POSSUM TROT
What needs are there in my community?
In the case of Possum Trot, the community was facing an urgent shortage of families willing to adopt children who couldn’t be reunited with their biological families. This is what was most needed in their community at that time. As you consider your role, do so by taking the time to learn about what needs there are or gaps to fill in your community. It could be very similar to Possum Trotthe need for families to welcome children into their homes. It could also be the need for support services for biological families, kinship families, foster families or adoptive families. The needs in each community are varied, but endless. The opportunities to get involved are as well.
Discussion
• Consider that sometimes, in order to find the clarity we need, we have to shift our question from, “What do I want to do?” to “What needs to be done?” What implications might there be on us when we choose to put the latter ahead of the former?
Frederick Buechner once wrote, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
While we want to identify what the most pressing needs are and do what it takes to help meet them, we also recognize that there are unique parts of our lives that might act as catalysts for what it is we might ultimately end up doing.
• What aspects of foster care and adoption are you most passionate about, and why?
• What part of your own story may have helped contribute to the presence of that particular passion?
• How then can you potentially apply that in practical ways to come alongside vulnerable children and families?
• Who in your community can help give you insight into what needs are most pressing and what gaps need to be filled? An agency? A local organization?
• If you don’t already have the connections you need, what next steps can you take to start exploring and learning?
What is my something?
We’re not all called to do the same thing, but we are all capable of doing something! Everyone can do something to rally around vulnerable children and families. We saw this lived out beautifully in Possum Trot through some families choosing to open their homes to children while others in the broader community found practical ways to support them. (If you haven’t watched the scene in this section yet, now would be a good time to do it!) In light of what we see in Scripture, and what we experience practically in our daily lives, each of us have been given different gifts, resources and experiences that help clarify and define our something. We’re not all called to do the same thing, but everyone can do something. The question for us is not, “Can I do something?” It’s now, “What’s my something?”
Discussion
Read 1 Corinthians 12:4-7, 12, 27
• What stands out to you most in this passage?
• What do we learn about uniqueness, diversity and unity in the Body of Christ?
• Based on these verses, how would you define “unity”?
• What environment do you believe exists that is most conducive to the Body of Christ functioning at its highest capacity together? What sets of circumstances do you believe are present that most inhibit the proper functioning of the Body of Christ?
What role is most important?
Charles Swindoll once said, “When the Lord makes it clear you’re to follow Him in this new direction, focus fully on Him and refuse to be distracted by comparisons with others.” In other words, stop looking at what others are doing and just start doing what you’re supposed to do. This was beautifully displayed through the Possum Trot community, and it’s consistently communicated in Scripture. In the Body of Christ, it’s not about rank, it’s about roles - and there are no greater or lesser roles in how each of us can engage in the world of foster care. When we fully embrace the truth that we’re not all called to do the same things but we are all capable of doing something, then we find Scripture’s articulation of how the Body of Christ best functions together leaves no room for comparison - just faithfulness.
Discussion
Read 1 Corinthians 12:15-20, 24b-25
• How are we to understand the role we have been given in the Body? Has God made any mistakes in giving some people certain gifts and callings and other people different ones?
• Discuss how comparison and guilt become major distractions to our ability to find confidence in our calling.
• What steps can you take to quiet the voices of comparison and guilt as you take your next best steps forward on this journey?
Sound of Hope Engagement Campaign Guide SESSION
Wrestling with Fear, Doubt and Uncertainty
Some of the foster and adoptive parents in the movie were struggling, and they weren’t always at their best. If you are a parent, you’ve probably done and said things you’ve regretted when you aren’t at your best, too. Many of the members of Bennett Chapel even questioned why they would get involved, and if they did, whether or not they could really handle it. In this section, we’ll discover how to identify, name and address the fears, doubts and uncertainties we may carry with us into this journey. We’ll discover how we may never fully rid ourselves of many of these thoughts or feelings, but our capacity to hold them and handle them well can grow over time. Through the truth of Scripture and the power of a supportive community around us, we can truly move forward with clarity and confidence - not with the absence of fear, but with the determination to not let fear have the final say.
To access all of Session Four videos in one place, scan or click. (password: SOHDISCUSSION)
SCENES TO EXPLORE
(Click or scan to view scene) Exploring the Hard
(password: SOHDISCUSSION)
BE CAREFUL
TERRI ARRIVES
WINDOW WATCHING
DONNA BREAKS DOWN
What am I most afraid of?
From struggling personally, feeling the weight of this in their marriage and watching it impact their own biological children in hard and heavy ways, the Martins’ journey on display throughout the film could be said to be one of continually coming up against fear, doubt and uncertainty - but refusing to let those things have the final say. This guide and this group, if nothing else, is ultimately intended to be a safe place to process publicly those things that all too often privately paralyze us. It’s important to have these conversations - in an environment where there is no judgment or ridicule, just understanding and support, along with the shared determination to move forward, together.
Discussion
• What are the most recurring fears, anxieties, uncertainties or doubts you have whenever you are thinking about getting more involved in foster care?
• How are you currently handling and holding those thoughts? Are they keeping you from moving forward? Are you intentionally working to find resolution for them?
• If you could wave a magic wand and erase all fear and worry, how then would you feel? What would be different about the way you think, process and pray about moving forward?
What is the thing beneath the thing?
We all have an “inner voice” that sometimes whispers to us and sometimes screams at us. It is usually preaching a message of fear and doubt when we sense God leading us in a certain direction that might be hard, unpredictable or disruptive. Maybe yours is right now. It’s asking, “Who do you think you are?” or “ Do you actually think you can make a difference?” or “What if you don’t have what it takes?” or “What if you fail and look foolish to others?” or “Are you sure you’ve heard correctly from God on this?” Your voice could be asking you a million other things right now. That’s the thing about these voices; they’re as distinct and unique as each individual person. Like a fingerprint on your consciousness – whispering, sometimes screaming. The seed of these questions become the very root from which the fruit of our fear is ultimately born. So how do we confront this? What’s our strategy? To truly quiet the voices (notice it does not say silence…they never fully go away) we must correctly identify the root of our concern before we can adequately address the fruit of it. In other words, the fears or concerns we express are one thing (the fruit), but they’re born out of a deeper thing - the thing beneath the thing - the root.
Discussion
Consider these common fears and the associated “thing beneath the thing”:
• The fear of getting too attached. What if this was the fruit, while the root of this fear actually is not about attachment, but about the fear of not having what it takes to grieve through hard goodbyes?
• The fear of what it might cost. What if this was the fruit, while the root of this fear is not about costs, but about the fear of not having what it takes to sacrifice comfort, convenience, control, lifestyle, etc?
• The fear of how it will affect our kids. What if this was the fruit, while the root of this fear is actually not about the affect it will have on our kids, but about the fear of not having what it takes to parent our kids through potentially hard and family-disrupting experiences?
• The fear of failure. What if this was the fruit, while the root of this fear is actually not about failing, but about the fear of looking foolish to others if you struggle, of giving up control or letting someone down, etc.
Can you relate to any of these? What other fears, thoughts, questions or concerns do you have that might actually be the fruit of a deeper root? What thing beneath the thing is most pervasive or pressing for you?
How do I not let fear win?
We all have an “inner voice” that sometimes whispers to us and sometimes screams at us. If you’re like many on this journey, yours may be asking, “Who are you to think you can make a difference?” or “What if you don’t have what it takes?” or “What if you fail and look foolish to others?” or “Are you sure you’ve heard correctly from God on this?” That’s the thing about these voices; they’re as distinct and unique as each individual person. Like a fingerprint on your consciousness – whispering, sometimes screaming. What’s yours saying to you? If you’re like most in the very beginning stages of starting the foster care and adoption journey, you’ve got a mash-up of excitement and fear, eagerness and doubt, hope and worry playing in your head. Yet somehow, it’s the fear and doubt and worry that often seem the loudest – and the most paralyzing. They’re also incredibly sneaky – disguising themselves at times as valid, logical reasons why it might not be the right time, why we might not be cut out for this, or why we don’t in fact have what it takes to do this. Fear and doubt and worry want to convince you that no matter what, you shouldn’t do this. So how do we confront this? What’s our strategy to quiet these voices (notice we don’t say silence them…they never really fully go away)? Ultimately, we have to believe that while fear may never fully go away, it will not have the final say. A “reframing” of our relationship with these voices and questions and doubts is essential.
Discussion
Read Matthew 14:13-21
• What stands out to you most in this famous story of the “Feeding of the Five Thousand?”
• What does it teach us about what God expects of us? That we always have what it takes to do what He’s asking us to do? Or, something different? (Hint: It’s something different…maybe He’s okay with us not having what it takes, because what He really wants from us is a willingness to give Him what little we have, and trust that He can multiply it exponentially.)
• More than likely Jesus was not surprised by the fact that there was not enough food to feed everyone. The disciples saw that as a problem; Jesus saw it as an opportunity. What does it say to you that Jesus intentionally put these guys in the position that He did?
• What does this “reframing” of God’s expectations of us mean for you? How does it change the relationship you have with any current feelings of “not having what it takes?
Read 2 Corinthians 12:7b-10
• Paul obviously wanted the thorn removed (scholars have long debated on what the “thorn” was.) God said it stays. Why do you think that is?
• What does this interaction teach us about the relationship we have with our weaknesses? What does a healthy relationship with our “thorns” look like? What does an unhealthy one look like?
• In what ways can you specifically identify and name particular “thorns” in your life you feel might hinder or impede your ability to be used by God? How might God’s perspective on those “thorns” be different than yours?
“Not
having what it takes does not disqualify us from being used by God; in fact, our recognition that we don’t have what it takes may be one of the very things which qualifies us the most!”
JASON JOHNSON, REFRAMING FOSTER CARE
Sound of Hope Engagement Campaign Guide SESSION
Building a System of Support
As we’ve previously discussed, as individuals we function at our highest capacity when we are most connected to the whole Body of Christ. In other words, we can’t really do this life to its fullest alone; nor should we expect ourselves to be able to. This is one of the reasons why it is essential foster and adoptive families are wrapped around and supported by others. We saw this in the Possum Trot community – the turning point in the film, when the hard things were reaching a tipping point for many families – was when the community began rallying around them to help, support and encourage. This type of support is not just important, it’s crucial. It helps to keep foster and adoptive parents in healthier places where they can respond effectively to the challenges parenting brings their way.
To access all of Session Five videos in one place, scan or click. (password: SOHDISCUSSION)
A note to two different categories of people: the married couple and the single person.
If you are married, now more than ever, you are a team, tackling the challenges of opening your home, your family and your marriage to hard things. This journey will take you to hard places together, expose broken places within you and produce intimacy and connection between you that otherwise you may never have had the opportunity to experience together. The Enemy will want the journey of foster care or adoption to break your marriage, but God has the capacity to build your marriage through it in ways that may be difficult but in the end will be beautiful, if you will allow Him to.
If you are single, now more than ever you will need to lean into the support of others around you. In doing so you will not only experience the tangible benefits of being loved and cared for by others but you will also be offering a gift to them they may otherwise have not ever received - the gift of being brought closer to God’s heart for the most vulnerable in real, practical ways. Let God use others to love and bless you and let God use you to do the same for those around you.
Building a System of Support
SCENES TO EXPLORE
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(password: SOHDISCUSSION)
THE PRAYER CLOSET
COMING TOGETHER
SERVING ONE ANOTHER
What kinds of support will I need?
It’s important to consider our whole self when thinking about the types of support we will need. We are not just physical beings; we are emotional, intellectual, relational and spiritual beings as well. These are examples of the kinds of things that make up our whole self, and ultimately pathways through which we must understand the types of support and resourcing we will need to thrive –as a whole person – along this journey.
Discussion
• Why is it important to consider your whole self when it comes to the types of support you will need to be healthy and thrive on this journey? PART ONE
• Describe a time in your life when you felt the support of others around you. What was the context of your situation? What were the most meaningful ways that you felt supported?
• Being “supported” is a big concept with a myriad of applications to it. But, if we simplified it, it could look something like this diagram that outlines four key pillars in which most elements of support can be categorized: Relational, Tangible, Educational, Spiritual. What stands out to you most in this diagram? Discuss different practical ways you might feel supported in each of these four categories.
Spiritual Care, prayer and soul-level encouragement
Educational Expert training on trauma, parenting and more
Relational
Connected, meaningful supportive relationships
Tangible
The “stuff” we need to care for kids well!
How do I find that support?
It’s hard to ask for help. It’s also easy to wait until things have hit crisis mode before we begin reaching out for help. And sometimes it’s just too late at that point. Understanding this, we want to proactively work against these very real dynamics at play in all of us. One of the best ways we do that is beginning to build our community of support around us, as early in the process as we possibly can.
Discussion
• Why is asking for help so hard sometimes?
• On this journey towards engaging in foster care or adoption, what mindsets, beliefs or hangups will you need to change to ensure that you have the help we need to thrive?
Read Matthew 26:36-44
The night before Jesus would be arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane He wanted to be alone to pray to His Father. To do that, and safeguard that time so that no one would come and interrupt it, He asked some of His disciples to stand guard. They struggled to stay asleep multiple times, but the point of this remains intact – in that moment Jesus could not do what He needed to do alone; He needed some of His guys to rally around and help. So do we.
• Who are your people? Where will you find them? In what ways will you need to be vulnerable with them as you invite them into this journey with you?
• What role would you like to see your church or community of faith play in this journey with you? Who among the leadership there needs to know about the journey you are embarking on? In what ways might you invite them, as the church, to be aware of and involved in supporting those engaged in foster care or adoption?
What can I do to support myself?
Taking care of yourself can “feel” selfish at times, especially when you are engaged in caring for kids who have experienced so much hard and need so much care. You may ask, “How can I spend time on myself when the needs and hurts around me are so prevalent?” But perhaps the more pressing question should be, “How can I NOT spend time on myself when the needs and hurts around me are so prevalent?” This long journey is going to require you pour much out; it will necessitate setting being poured into as a priority – otherwise, you will run dry. One of the best ways we can care well for kids from hard places is to ensure that we are caring well for ourselves – by establishing rhythms and priorities in our lives that allow us to receive the good gifts God longs for us to receive from Him.
Discussion
• What is one thing you enjoy doing that, even if it requires a pouring out from you, ultimately leaves you feeling fuller and more rested than you were when you began?
Read Mark 6:31
The context of this verse in Mark 6 is significant. Perhaps spend time reading from the beginning of the chapter and you will find this to be a particularly pressing time in the ministry of Jesus, filled with both really exciting and powerful things (His disciples are dispatched out to do ministry and report to Him all the ways they saw God move), and particularly hard and heavy things (His dear friend John the Baptist has just been ruthlessly murdered by a corrupt King.) Jesus is holding both the beautiful and the broken in ministry, at the same time, and in the midst of all that was going on invites His disciples to do something seemingly counterintuitive, and counterproductive to “advancing” the Kingdom, meeting needs and getting more done.
• What does this verse tell us about Jesus’ desire for us to be intentional about rest?
• How can you related to holding simultaneously both the beauty and the brokenness of ministry?
• Why is it so hard for us to rest sometimes?
• If you were to ask the person who knows you best what one or two indicators are of what you are like when you are not rested, what would they say? If you were to ask them the same question, but about what you were like when you were rested, how would they describe you?
Read Isaiah 55:1, Psalm 81:10, Matthew 11:28 and James 1:17
• What do these passages communicate about God’s desire to pour into us?
• How is “self-care” different than “soul-care?”
Read Mark 12:30-31
• As we have previously discussed, our whole self is required to pour out on this journey, and therefore our whole self needs to be poured into in deep and sustaining ways. But it’s hard to know where to start sometimes. What does this passage suggest about some core parts of our whole self God has uniquely designed to love Him and love others with?
• Referencing the diagram, what are some current ways you cultivate healthy, soul-sustaining rhythms and disciplines in these core areas?
• In what ways would you like to grow in some areas? What are some specific steps you can take to do that?
body heart soul mind
• Considering our earlier discussion about the support others around you can provide on this journey, who needs to know about some decisions you are making to build healthier rhythms of health and renewal?
(Note: If you are married, your spouse would be #1 on that list!)
For an in-depth and encouraging read, find the article “Soul Care, Spiritual Formation and a Life Pouring Out” by Jedd Medefind, President of The Christian Alliance for Orphans in the appendix of this guide, or by scanning the QR code.
Nothing brings a person richer purpose and joy than being a small part of God’s restorative work on earth.
JEDD MEDEFIND
Sound of Hope Engagement Campaign Guide SESSION
Taking My Next Best Step
Perhaps one of the most beautiful and poignant parts of the whole “Sound of Hope: The Story of Possum Trot” movie actually occurs after the movie is over. It’s the real-life scenes at the end - no actors, no scripts - where we get a glimpse into the stories and lives of the children, now grown, married, working and even raising children of their own - and the families who welcomed them in. It’s a powerful transition from “based on a true story” to the actual story itself, that reminds us that Possum Trot is a real place, these were real children and the families who adopted them were real people with real struggles and a real faith. Not perfect, but real. The number of steps they had to take that ultimately lead to the scenes at the end of the movie are incalculable as a whole, but each individually unique and full of consequence - taken by faith, one at a time, over and over and over again. In this section we’ll focus on how to move forward in faith towards whatever it is God might have for us. We’ll begin to set into motion what will over time result in us finding ourselves in places we likely would have never imagined – real people with real struggles and a real faith, taking one step forward at a time, as best as we can…together.
To access all of Session Six videos in one place, scan or click. (password: SOHDISCUSSION)
SCENES TO EXPLORE
(Click or scan to view scene)
THE STORY CONTINUES
(password: SOHDISCUSSION)
How Do I Pray?
The reality of vulnerable children and families is not first a physical, human problem; it’s a spiritual one. It is evidence that the world is not as it should be - that what God created to be good has been fractured (John 10:10). By consequence, we are now participating in a real life human problem that cannot be solved in human ways. We need a movement of God, and no great movement of God has ever started without prayer. So, we must pray. Scripture admonishes us to be a people who are “faithful in hope, patient in affliction” and “faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:12). In other words, our persistent, faithful prayers are offered to God not void of hope, but full of expectancy, and not absent of struggle, but steady in uncertainty. This is the tension we hold on this journey, that somehow hope and affliction act not as mutually exclusive experiences, but as one in the same. We enter into affliction, full of hope, and as we move forward in hope we will encounter various kinds of affliction. So, we must be faithful to pray.
Discussion
SPEND TIME PRAYING FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES
Read Psalm 34:18; Psalm 103:2-5; Isaiah 53:5
• In light of these passages, how can you pray for children and families affected by foster care?
• Specifically, how can you pray for those children who may one day become part of your family? How would you ask God to care for them now and prepare them to be in your home one day?
• Spend some time praying together for children and families.
SPEND TIME PRAYING FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR HOME
Read Ephesians 3:14-21
• As you prepare to move forward in your journey, how can your prayers for your family and your home reflect Paul’s prayer for the Ephesian people?
• What specifically would you like to see God do in your family or close community of friends?
• Share with others how they can be praying for you personally as you move forward in this journey.
• Spend some time praying for each other, yourself, your families and your homes
Do I Need More Clarity, or More Courage?
For some, you’re unsure of what it is God is inviting you to do and you’re actively seeking Him in prayer and counsel from others to identify what your next steps might be. Understandably, more clarity is needed. However, for others, God has already made it undeniably clear what you need to do, and perhaps has been working that out in your hearts and minds for months or even years. You don’t need more clarity; perhaps what you really need is more courage to act on the clarity God has given you. This is an entirely different prayer.
Discussion
Read Proverbs 3:5-6
These passages seem to suggest that clarity (“make your paths straight”) comes on the other side of courage (don’t lean on your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all your ways, etc.)
• What implications does this have on your present decision-making circumstances?
• How does this help set expectations for your future path that has yet to unfold?
Read James 1:5
In those moments or seasons of life where clarity and wisdom is needed, there’s an assurance in Scripture that we can approach God confidently and ask for those things.
• How do you decipher between the wisdom of God granted to you and your own mind or heart determining what you feel is right or best?
• Specific to where you are now on your journey towards caring for vulnerable children, what specific points of wisdom or clarity are you asking God for?
Read Isaiah 42:16; 1 Corinthians 2:9-10
• What promises of God stand out to you most in these passages?
• How would you specifically apply these promises to a particular mindset, situation or circumstance you are currently navigating through?
What Does Success Look Like?
We live in a results driven society, one that measures success and failure on a scale of outcomes, accomplishments and achievements. Success is determined by what you can fix, build or produce; failure is when you fall short, don’t meet the quota or can’t quite attain a certain position on the corporate ladder or prestige in the best neighborhood in town. This is not an inherently bad thing. In some ways (albeit very few and carefully balanced) this is good - it drives us to pursue excellence, work hard and cultivate good things; yet in many, many ways it’s dangerous - defining our self-worth, identity and significance based solely on the outcomes we are or are not able to produce. This is such a pervasive and aggressive matrix for evaluating and determining success and failure in the world around us, and if we’re not careful it will influence and impact the ways that we measure our journey through foster care and adoption as well. So, let’s talk about what God expects of us and from us as we take our next steps forward, and the many, many steps after that as we participate with Him in the beautifully complex work of healing, restoration and hope.
Discussion
The entire chapter of Hebrews 11 has been affectionately referred to as the “Hall of Faith’’ because it outlines a myriad of Old Testament saints who believed God, were faithful to Him throughout all kinds of circumstances and saw Him move and powerful ways. However, the chapter takes a hard turn towards the end and outlines some encouraging things about what faith is and where it will lead us sometimes. Let’s start our conversation by comparing two sections of the chapter side-by-side…
Read Hebrews 11:29-35a.
What outcomes of faith stand out to you in these passages?
Read Hebrews 11:35b-38.
What outcomes of faith stand out to you in these passages?
How would the world’s definition of success and failure label each of these two columns?
Read Hebrews 11:39a
• Who was “commended for their faith” (NIV)?
• Some experienced what many might call success or victory while others experienced what many might view as failure or tragedy. What implications does this verse have on how we, as people guided by a biblical perspective, view the varied outcomes of faith?
Read Matthew 5:16, Colossians 3:23-24 and 1 Corinthians 10:31
• How do these passages help us see that this renewed way of relating to success and failure does not mean God isn’t concerned about us working hard and fighting for the best possible outcomes?
In summary, Hebrews 11 is a powerful reframing of how God defines success and failure. It stands in contrast to what the world expects of us or from us and frees us from the burden to first produce outcomes and invites us into a journey focused first on being faithful. Sometimes faithfulness will lead to “left hand column” outcomes, and sometimes it will lead to “right hand column” ones. But at all times, as we follow Him in faith, we can confidently affirm that God calls that success. We will one day stand before Him not anticipating hearing, “Well done, good and successful servant” but instead, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” That is the end we pursue - faithfulness is our success.
• How does this reframing of success and failure impact some of the mindsets or fears you currently have at this stage of your journey?
• In what ways can you anticipate how important it will be to hold onto God’s definition of success the deeper you get into foster care and adoption?
God is more pleased by our willingness to be faithful along the journey of foster care than He is concerned about our ability to achieve a certain outcome through it.
JASON JOHNSON, REFRAMING FOSTER CARE
Sound of Hope Engagement Campaign Guide
CONCLUSION
Everything we have journeyed through in this discussion guide up to this point can all be summarized in this last conversation: faithfulness. That’s it; that’s what God expects of us - not to save the world (He’s taking care of that) or fix all the problems (He’s got that one too) - but to simply be faithful to what He’s calling us to do, and to trust Him with the outcomes. No foster or adoptive parent has ever walked into the room and proudly declared, “I have what it takes to do this!” Instead, they’ve all crawled into the room with a heart that says, “I don’t know how it will all work out, but my answer is still YES.” If you at all resonate with this posture, then be encouraged - it likely means you’re ready. You’re ready for what’s next. Don’t worry about step 10 or 25 or 115, just take your next step from 1 to 2, then to 3 and eventually to 4. Focus on the next best and right thing and continually listen for that gentle whisper in your soul that says to you, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Well. Done.”
The River of Care
Finding Where Foster Care “Fits”
Imagine three friends come upon a raging river. They see children and families in the water rushing down the rapids towards a waterfall. One friend immediately jumps into the river and begins pulling as many people out as he can. Knowing there’s a waterfall downstream, the second friend runs down river and tries to catch as many as he can before they fall over the cliff. The third friend, however, wonders why these families are in the river in the first place. He runs upstream to find out how he can put a stop to it. All three friends are running in three different directions, each addressing different yet equally important points of the problem — there are kids and families in the water and we need to get them out.
The responses of these three friends is a powerful picture as we consider the holistic picture of foster care - before, during and beyond.
MIDSTREAM INTERVENTION
Generally speaking, foster care as most people understand it is a mid-stream issue. Something has happened that has necessitated the need for an investigation, removal and placement of a child in a temporary home. This is a right and necessary place for the Church to be. There are literally thousands of kids in our country and millions worldwide needing someone to intervene on their behalf. It’s essential, but not sufficient. It’s not the totality of what the Church can or should be doing. This perspective and point of engagement alone fails to consider how these kids found themselves in this position in the first place (upstream), and what the trajectory of their lives statistically looks like (down- stream) if no one intervenes on their behalf now (their is a strong correlation between things like incarceration, impoverishment, trafficking, homelessness and the child welfare system.)
FRIEND #3
FRIEND #1
FRIEND #2
DOWNSTREAM RESTORATION
It’s typical for churches to be involved in various types of down-stream justice and mercy efforts — whether feeding the homeless, ministering to the incarcerated or ministries committed to empowering survivors of sex trafficking, etc. However, they’re often doing so without a clear understanding of how interconnected the plight of those cross sections of people are to the larger continuum of child welfare. A significant percentage of incarcerated males, the homeless community and girls who are trafficked into the sex industry (down-stream) have at one point in their lives spent time in the child welfare system (midstream). When viewed through a more holistic and comprehensive lens, we’ll find that if we really want to effectively engage some of these “down-stream” ministries we must also look back up-stream and consider how those in need of restoration found themselves in these positions to begin with.
UPSTREAM PREVENTION
As well, when we consider how these kids and families end up in the river in the first place, we realize that before we have a foster care crisis in our country we have a families-in-crisis crisis in our country. Foster care is not just about caring for children, it’s also about caring for families in crisis up-stream in order to prevent their children from ever finding themselves in the river midstream. The questions should both haunt us and drive us — Where are these kids coming from, and how can we prevent them from ending up in these places? Preventing kids from ending up in the river; this is a right and necessary — and albeit messy and difficult — place for the Church to be.
It is essential for us to understand the holistic picture surrounding foster care — from Prevention to Intervention to Restoration — in a balanced and sustainable way.
CYCLICAL, NOT LINEAR
While the river is obviously full of rapids - massive ups and downs driven by chaos and instability - it is not ultimately linear in the sense that it just keeps going on and to the right. It’s actually cyclical, doubling back on itself. As kids in the river make their way further downstream - languishing in the system without stable and loving support and family - they turn into young adults who become increasingly susceptible to many of the downstream issues that await. Those downstream issues then become the drivers of repeated generational cycles, ultimately producing upstream issues that start the process all over again. Yes, foster care is about caring for kids, and it is also certainly about caring for their families. But, perhaps we’re all actually participating in a larger story together. We may engage at different parts of the river
and be involved in different activities pertaining to supporting and creating stability underneath children and families, but ultimately we are all participating together in the same thing - the work of breaking generational cycles. This is what foster care is all about - generational, sustainable and even eternal transformation.
Generally speaking, the stories that make the news are real and raw and evil. They are the heinous stories of atrocious things being done to children, and the need for those children to be swiftly removed and placed somewhere safe. However, the vast majority of stories in child welfare are something very different. They are not necessarily stories of “bad people” standing on the side of the river throwing their children into the water. Instead, they are stories of young parents who were born in the water, all they’ve ever known is the water, they now have their own children in the water - whom they love and want a better life for - and they just don’t know how to get out, if they can get out, or if it’s even worth trying only to struggle and fall back in. These are the most common stories we encounter in foster care - parents who love their children and want a good life for them, and also have very real and engulfing struggles and addictions and patterns that continue to perpetuate the cycle we’re all working to address. Being reminded of this helps shift our posture to the families of these children, and reminds us that we are not for the children and against their parents; instead, we are for the family and, together with them, against anything that seeks to steal, kill or destroy that which God intended to be good. (John 10:10)
The chart below suggests some examples of ministry activity that can occur at each stage along the continuum. By no means are these lists exhaustive, nor do they address the fact that some ministries can span the entirety of the spectrum in and of themselves. However, they are a snapshot of the types of opportunities your church has to more strategically and intentionally establish a holistic approach to child and family welfare at every point along the same continuum.
Soul Care, Spiritual Formation and a Life of Pouring Out
How do we live a life of pouring out without running dry?
And what does the answer have to do with spiritual formation?
By Jedd Medefind, President of CAFO
All ministry is a pouring out.
Whenever and however we serve another person in love, life spills out of us – and by God’s grace brings new health and life to them.
That’s true for the mentor and the foster mother, the nonprofit director and devoted friend, the caring business owner and pastor and school nurse.
This is a beautiful thing. Nothing brings a person richer purpose and joy than being a small part of God’s restorative work on earth. A life of pouring out is the best life.
But we must also know this: if we pour life out without life pouring in, we will run dry.
We’ve all seen what running dry looks like. Sometimes, it takes the form of a fiery crash-and-burn – the mental breakdown or addiction or affair. But more often, it appears subtly – the slow loss of joy in a role we once loved; the voice that used to sing, now monotone; irritation at people even as we serve them.
I’ve tasted this bone-deep dryness myself over the years, many times. I imagine most of us have. Is there any way not to end here, a once-fruitful tree now withered and barren?
Self-care vs. soul care
Here’s the very good news: our good Father desires to pour life into us. He delights to pour life into His children, to restore our souls.
This is the fountainhead of a Christian vision for soul care. Christian soul care is quite different from selfcare. In self-care, we act with a deep sense that if I’m not looking out for me, no one will. We grab what we can in snatches. We feel indulgent, perhaps even guilty. Sometimes we brag with selfies. Sometimes we hope that others, even God, won’t notice.
Christian soul care is the opposite. It is not the grasping of self care but the receiving of God’s care. It bears no guilt, confident that the Maker of all things wants to pour into us. He’s earnestly urging, “Come all you who are thirsty, come to the waters!” (Isaiah 55:1)
Our role – what we might call “soul care” – is simply this: learning to receive from God.
It’s a bit like a baby learning to eat. At first she splutters and purses and pushes with her tongue, pureed carrots and peas going every which way but in. But slowly, she learns to take in, to swallow, to receive the food as it enters and spills nourishment through her whole body.
Why does soul care matter so much?
When we do not learn to receive from God’s hand in this way, a triple tragedy plays out.
First, when we run dry, we will no longer take joy from our work as God intends. Yes, ministry can be difficult, sometimes painful. Our pouring out may even cost us our lives. (John 15:13) But – and not ironically – God intends that we find great joy in this pouring out. It’s the “life to the full” Jesus promised. It’s the pleasure and purpose Paul felt as he – despite storms and shipwrecks and snake bites – could still give thanks in all circumstances. When we run dry, we lose this joy. Our service is reduced to a long slog.
Second, when we run dry, the work we care about loses our gifts. That end may come in a sudden dramatic quitting … or in the slow fade of our enthusiasm, energy, creativity, full presence. Either way, our work, our colleagues and the people we serve all will miss out on the gifts and strengths we uniquely bring.
Third, when we run dry, we fail to offer others what they most need. The people we serve can benefit from all kinds of things. But their deepest need is never a program or product alone. It is a certain kind of presence: a presence that looks and feels like the presence of Jesus. This is a presence that is calm and tender, interested and attentive. Its eyes light up when the child in foster care or the former convict we’re mentoring enters the room. It gives itself fully to them. It conveys unmistakably that they are loved. We cannot offer this kind of presence when we’ve run dry.
Happily, the opposite is true as well. When we receive amply from God, we do find joy in our work, even when it is very, very hard. We can persevere, even amidst great trials. And we will offer the gracious, delighted, fully-present presence of Jesus to each person we meet – the one thing they need more than anything else.
How does God pour into us?
Here is a wonderful reality: God is always pouring out.
Every breath we take in is His provision; each time we inhale, life cascades into our lungs, fills 150 million alveoli sacks, is loaded onto red blood cells and shipped throughout our body. Atom by atom, life spills into every living cell.
This life-pouring-in happens through countless other gifts also – water and food, sleep and sunlight. Take, for example, what happens when we spend time outdoors. Hundreds of scientific studies now reveal a vast array of benefits – from lower blood pressure to a boosted immune system, better mental health to greater creativity – we receive as we experience the natural world. In one fascinating study, hospital patients with windows overlooking natural beauty needed less pain medication, healed faster, and returned home more quickly. Quite literally, life and health pour into us as we look on the glory of God’s creation.
These gifts are everywhere around us, all the time. God pours them out even on people who do not know Him. “He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Matthew 5:45)
Even so, it’s entirely possible to miss the finest gifts. We can walk right under an oak ablaze with autumn glory and not even notice it. We can take in food or water or air without finding an ounce of the joy God intended for us in giving them.
Little wonder that many of God’s invitations in Scripture to receive sound almost plaintive, like a mother yearning for her child to embrace the good she has for her. “Open your mouth wide,” God implores, “and I will fill it!” (Psalm 81:10)
He longs to do this: to feed, to refresh, to restore. Our part is small but vital: we must learn to receive.
How do we learn to receive?
So how do we start learning to receive the life that God desires to pour in?
Receiving is never a passive thing. We must choose to open ourselves. It demands the release of clenched and grasping hands. Most of all, it requires our attention – a noticing that enables us to see and taste and hear what otherwise goes unnoticed right in front of us.
Throughout history, earnest Christians – eager to receive from God – have chosen particular activities that grow them in this way. These practices are sometimes called “spiritual disciplines.” That term is certainly not incorrect. They are disciplines in that they require effort, including choices that feel quite difficult at first.
But they are not just disciplines. They are most of all God-invited ways to receive more of life from Him. Practices like Sabbath, solitude, daily time with God, cultivating thanksgiving, “Pilgrim Feast,” and others are all very practical ways of learning to receive. Even practices in which we abstain from certain good things, like fasting, are ultimately doorways to experiencing other gifts more deeply. (As Dallas Willard puts it, “Fasting is feasting upon God.”)
These practices are an end in themselves – conveying delightful gifts as we do them. And they are also a means in that they grow our capacities to receive more from God in other times also. They train us to see and savor in all times the gifts that God is continually pouring out, which we often miss. The person who has been formed by these practices, over time, sees more beauty … tastes more sweetness … feels more gratitude and delight.
Certainly, spiritual disciples have other benefits too. Fasting frees us from compulsive dependence on food or other things we imagine we can’t live without. Solitude helps us confront hard truths we’ve long ignored amidst the distraction of over-busy lives.
But at their heart, all Christian disciplines are ultimately about experiencing more deeply the loving care of God – which is the most transformative experience on earth.
This is Christian spiritual formation.
As we do these things, we do not remain the same. We are not only restored in the moment, wonderful as that is. We also steadily become different types of people: more kind, generous, patient, joyful, loving. In a word, we become more like Jesus. Nothing changes a human heart more than to be loved by God and to know that we are – not just intellectually, but experientially, with every one of our senses.
That becoming is always the purpose of Christian spiritual formation, “being conformed to the image of His Son.” (Romans 8:29) Such transformation is ultimately God’s work. But, like most all that God does on earth, He invites us to be a part of it with Him – joining our feeble capacities with His mighty power.
Most of this change occurs not in any single great, once-for-all decision. Rather, it plays out in countless small choices repeated day after day.
This reality is one of the marvelous truths that modern neuroscience is (re)discovering. “Formation” is not a lofty endeavor for monks and ministers. In fact, formation is happening in all of us all the time. We are never not being formed. With even the smallest thought or act, electric impulses flow through a particular neural pathway in your brain. Each time that happens, the pathway expands. Over time, a thin trail becomes a well-trodden path … then a wide road … then a superhighway. The decision to repeat the thought or action becomes easier and easier. Eventually, we do it without even choosing, as a reflex or
habit. What we did at first only with great effort has become our character – not just what we do but who we are.
So the question is never whether or not we will be formed. We are all being formed by every single thing we do, intended or not. Christian spiritual formation is simply choosing certain practices by which we participate in God’s work to form us to become more like Jesus – reflecting a bit more each day His thoughts, His desires, His character, His actions.
A life of pouring and receiving
And this takes us full circle to where we began: to the pouring out that is the essence of all ministry. Indeed, the person who is becoming more like Jesus cannot help pouring out – taking great joy in spilling their own life and health and strength into others. This agape love is not merely what they do, but who they are.
So we see that “soul care” and “spiritual formation” and “learning to receive from God” are ultimately one and the same. They sustain us in a life of pouring out. They draw us ever deeper into that life. And they sustain us in it yet again.
This will not lead to an easy life. But it is the best life: a life of pouring and receiving – all the while being formed to share the character of Jesus more and more each day, which is the greatest good of all.
Inspiring and equipping Christians to effectively live out the Bible’s call to care for orphaned and vulnerable children.
CAFO unites more than 300 respected organizations and a global network of churches in shared initiatives to grow and guide effective responses for the world’s most vulnerable children, from foster care and adoption to family strengthening and care for vulnerable children worldwide. Our vision is to see the people of God overflowing with the love of God, so that every child will experience God’s unfailing love in a thriving family.
CAFO began at a gathering of 29 Christian leaders in 2004. Although serving in diverse fields, they carried a shared sense that God desired to call His people to step up decisively for orphans and vulnerable children. They pledged to “leave logos and egos at the door” to advance this vision in shared action.
Learn more at cafo.org
About Pure Religion Project
The Pure Religion Project, facilitated by CAFO members and the broader CAFO community, helps churches live out their calling to care for the vulnerable children and families while growing closer to Jesus as His disciples. Simply put, the Project aims to inspire and equip God’s people to live the “pure religion” described in the book of James and invited throughout Scripture.
Learn more at cafo.org/purereligion
Sound
Pure Religion Sunday is an opportunity to catalyze action and celebrate all that God is doing in your community on behalf of vulnerable children and families.
Join churches in over 120 countries that have witnessed the transformative power of utilizing this special Sunday (or weekend of services) to catalyze action and celebrate all that God is doing in their communities on behalf of vulnerable children and families.
Consider how your church can leverage the power of The Sound of Hope this Pure Religion Sunday to inspire and mobilize people to take action.
Visit cafo.org/PureReligion by clicking or scanning below to learn more and access resources that help you inspire your people and mobilize them to action.
cafo.org/PureReligion
Sound of Hope Engagement Campaign Guide
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
The Pure Religion Project at CAFO exists to inspire and equip local churches to live out the “pure religion” described in the book of James and invited throughout Scripture. Below are some practical tools to help your church take the next steps in caring for vulnerable children and families, and supporting those who do.
Everyone Can Do Something Book
Whether launching a new ministry or leading an existing one, you’ll discover the principles you need to take the next best steps for your church.
The Fostering Church Podcast
This 7-part series is specifically designed to help you grow your church’s foster care ministry – no matter where you are on the journey.
Micro Books
These bite-size booklets are designed to give unique guidance and direction on specific topics related to launching and leading a foster care ministry in your church.
To learn more and access additional resources, visit www.cafo.org/purereligion.
Meet real-time needs of vulnerable children and families.
Take meaningful action on the platform that’s connecting the largest network of caring people to meet the needs of kids and families in crisis.
Learn more at www.careportal.org
To access additional resources related to the movie and get involved in the movement, visit www.possumtrotimpact.org
