Ventures into the Unknown

Recipes for Successful Ventures into the Unusual Logan Lurry

When I look back on my life, specifically when I was just seven years old, I can only say that I was the strangest kid you could ever come across. Now I don’t mean in a sense of the weird quirks that some people have, like the things that they say or do. No, I was weird because of the baffling foods that I had come to say were my favorite things in the world. I saw my weirdness grow with each food that I came across as well. It’s almost like I had a little cookbook, but each recipe was fit for creating an aurora of weirdness. It is only necessary that I give the recipes behind the food, and how they only add to the mystery that is me.

#1: The Peanut Butter and Jelly AND Bologna Sandwich • You’ll need: • Two slices of wheat bread • One jar of Smucker’s peanut butter and jelly • Weird obession to be talked about and/or too

My days as a Bobcat at Scenic Hills Elementary, as much as I can remember, was mostly filled with your run-of-the-mill moments. Things like my first kiss that the only girl swears didn’t happen because she was more popular, the awkward moment of being told to “make yourself pee” whenever you didn’t have too (I really do hope I’m not the only one who’s been told this.) I remember learning that the most important time of the day was lunch. I know you’re thinking it should be recess for kids at that level of education; however, when your classmates don’t know what their first step of good behavior entails, there is never recess. Looking past that, the absence of recess meant that the only time to show off anything you had was in the illustrious cafeteria. It was only fitting that my elementary school’s cafeteria also doubled as the auditorium, so showing off was almost common place. Kid’s would bring toys, hand-held gaming systems, and the occasional cellphone. Keep in mind that we were elementary age kids in 2007, having your own phone then was like having a stable job now, everyone was envious of you. I remember that I wanted something different though. There was nothing I had readily prepared that would gain the attention of my peers, so I turned to the only thing I knew best at the time, sweet delicious food. Before the 3rd grade, my dad prepared the same lunch for me every day, a simple lunchable. There’s nothing interesting in that. That is unless you came with one of those cool ones with a theme or a mini-pizza. I never had those.

I decided to change things up one day. I came home one day from a long & pressure inducing day of 3rd grade with a purpose. I stared at the kitchen for what felt like hours, but in reality, was probably five minutes before I knew what the food of the century would be: The Peanut-butter and Jelly and Bologna Sandwich. It’s capitalized because to this day it’s a proper creation that deserves the recognition. With all the foods we consume today, this might seem like child’s play (which is technically was). You have to remember, this is before the term “foodie” was thought about on a mass scale. I remember yanking the bread off the counter, then scrounging through the fridge for the jar of peanut-butter and jelly, and finally taking all the bologna that we had just in-case I didn’t get something right the first go-around. I remember pretending like I was Dexter sitting in his lab creating what was going to be the next big thing. I had a vivid imagination. There was no real finesse needed, but I felt like it was the first step to me becoming a legendary figure at Scenic Hills Elementary. Once it was done, I couldn’t hold back anticipation to eat this delectable creation. I took a solid bite and could taste a whole new world. The jelly and peanut-butter gave the bologna a new potent taste that nobody could ignore, or so I thought.

I got up the next morning so prepared to be the talk of the cafeteria. I even made three sandwiches to give to anybody so that they could share in the amazing creation. As soon as lunch started and sat down at the table that my class was assigned too and waited for everybody to get out the lunch line before diving into my food. As soon as I took the sandwich out of the wrapper, everybody sitting around me had their faces turn askew like a dog hearing something unfamiliar. Some of them even let a the dreaded “what the—”. You can say what you want, you don’t want to hear that from a 3rd grader. I thought I would be proudly explaining what I was eating that day, but instead I was scrambling over my words to explain what I created. One of my friends at the time, Trasean, decided that he would try one of my sandwiches, and that only made more people feel disgusted. To my disbelief, his face curled up as soon as he got a good taste of what he was eating.

“This crap tastes like crap, Logan.” That is exactly what he said, and I will never forget that as long as I am able to think. My creation had fallen on numb tongues in my book, but what I thought didn’t matter to everyone else. Looking back on it, it was a weird creation. Instead, it was the beginning of my weird food era.

#2: Whip-Chocolate Milk • You’ll need: • One average spoon Chocolate Milk (preferably Prairie Farms Brand, but it’s up to you) • One can of Reddi Wip Original Cream • Very strong bowels

I can firmly recall a time in my life when lactose-based ingredients became my dietary obsession. Remember my friend Trasean from the sandwich debacle? Well I was friends with him up until the 5th grade, which is around the time this venture took place. He visited my house one day to play some video games and eat like there was no tomorrow that day. My dad had just bought some whip cream a few days before for some pies that he had baked and seeing as though I’m incredibly nosey when it comes to items I shouldn’t mess with. I figured why the hell would I not do something with this whip cream. I once again found myself looking through the fridge for something to pair with this creamy goodness. There it was, illuminated by the flickering light inside the fridge, the greatest creation in the history of lactose creations. Chocolate milk. My eyes started flickering in unison with the light in the fridge as I stretched out to grab it. It was at this moment that I remember my dad walking by to see what I was up too. He saw the whip cream sitting next to a fresh glass of chocolate milk, and he had only one response.

“Boy, you’re going to be shitting all day if you drink that.”

If we are being completely honest, he was right. We return to the moment though, and I just didn’t care for his warning. I turned the nose of the whip cream can over the glass, and I couldn’t hold back my excitement as I saw the cream sit atop on the milk. I took a spoon from the rack and began mixing together the one-way ticket to the toilet. I turned to Trasean almost looking for approval, and I misinterpreted his look for confusion for something else. I took it as, “it’s not enough, Logan!” At this point, I had the nose of the can dipped inside the milk to ensure it was filled with as much whip cream as possible. I don’t recommend doing that, unless of course, you have strong bowels.

Despite the prolonged trip to the bathroom later that night, the creation was absolutely divine. Some of the whip cream maintained its volume within the milk, even once I took a sip. It was like getting a surprise every other time I took a swig. It’s certainly something I would recommend be tried in every household.

There are certainly more food creations that I have to add to this little cookbook I’ve created. These unusual recipes have lead to the changes in my character; they have shaped me. If you should happen to indulge in recreating these recipes, please mind the ingredients as they are extremely vital in truly enjoying what these foods have to offer.