My Life

5 Things Gone Wrong in my Life Marlena Bradford

1. The Time I Walked Into Glass Door

You know, I never thought that I was going to be blind for the rest of my life.But then again, how would I have known if I wasn’t born yet? Anyway, when I was in the 10th grade, we had so many glass doors in our school that I just couldn’t keep count, not that it was my job to keep count anyway. It was like a school full of mirrors and every door that I walked past, I had to see how fat I was. But, the point is that I just so happen to walk smack dab into one of those doors one day, on my way to get my fat ass some lunch. I guess now you understand why I have four eyes.

2. Locker to the Face

I always hated having a locker because not all of my stuff could fit in there. I also seemed to always get a bottom locker which meant that I always had to bend over and have my big ass goodies in everyone’s face. Unfortunately for my convenience, I stood up one day and took a locker straight to the face. Let’s just say, I had no idea what was going on for the rest of the day.

3. Tumblina

Me and stairs have never really had the greatest relationship. I have this philosophy where I will only walk down a set of stairs and never up because I’m just too fat to try to walk up multiple flights of stairs. And I know you’re probably wondering why I keep talking about the fact that I’m fat. Well, it’s because I am but I will stop talking about it but maybe not. Anyways, to say the least, I never knew that I could go tumbling “up” the stairs.

4. The Time I Thought I Was A Dog Whisperer

I’d like to think that dogs are smart and I’m pretty sure that most people would agree. Unfortunately, I have been mistaken. I have a dog and although she is insanely cute, she’s just a tad bit slow. Anytime I meet a dog, it’s pretty easy to bond with them but for some odd reason, though it may not be that odd, my dog and I do not bond. I mean it’s like when I say something to her, I’m talking to myself. She literally proves to me everyday that I am not the dog whisperer that I thought I was.

5. Workaholic Gone Wrong

To say that I hate my job would be kind of harsh, so I’ll just say that I Strongly dislike the place.

It’s always insanely hot every time I walk in, but then again that could just be that I’m fat. The employees never clean up after themselves and unfortunately I get annoyed whenever I walk into the place. In any case, I thought that I was the hardest working person in there, and that I did everything right, but my thought was proven wrong when I dropped a roll of paper towels in the mop bucket, slipped on a piece of ice, and burst a can of beer all at once. Obviously, I was not doing everything right because literally everything had gone wrong.