Copyright © 2015 Fred L. Valentine, Jr. All rights reserved under the international copyright law. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the express, written permission of the author. The exception is reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review. ISBN 978-1-56229-816-6 Christian Living Books, Inc. Largo, Maryland ChristianLivingBooks.com Printed in the United States of America Scripture marked RSV is from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture marked NKJV is from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. __________________________________________________________________ Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Valentine, Fred L., 1962Now you know : thoughts from a dad to his sons / by Fred L. Valentine, Jr. pages cm Summary: "While deployed in the military, Fred took time to capture some thoughts on his life for his sons. He felt it was important to let them know what his challenges were and to give pointers on the best way to move forward in a life filled with challenges and obstacles"-- Provided by publisher. ISBN 978-1-56229-816-6 1. Men--Conduct of life. 2. Men--United States--Biography. I. Title. BJ1601.V35 2015 170'.44--dc23 2015032268
Contents
Chapter 1. A Story Is Born. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Chapter 2. Personally Speaking. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Chapter 3. Fulfill Your Purpose. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 Chapter 4. Be Mentally Strong. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Chapter 5. Move On. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 Chapter 6. Cherish Family. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 Chapter 7. Take Control of Your Life. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31 Chapter 8. Work for the Greater Good. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35 Chapter 9. Surround Yourself with Great Mentors. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37 Chapter 10. Turn Your Dreams Into Reality. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39 Chapter 11. Give It Your All. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 Chapter 12. Bring Honor to Others. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 Chapter 13. Influence Your “Battlespace”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 Chapter 14. Continue to Get Educated. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49 Chapter 15. Don’t Worry about Being Happy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51 Chapter 16. Live with Strength and Courage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53 Chapter 17. Be Generous to Those Who Are Undeserving. . . . . . . . 57 Chapter 18. Take the Son. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
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Chapter 19. Act Wisely. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Chapter 20. Maintain Your Integrity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 Chapter 21. Closing Thoughts. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 Works Cited . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69
CHAPTER
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Take Control of Your Life
Be proactive, and have a plan.
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very day, we all have choices. Though society makes a lot of calls, we decide what our response is to each of our situations. For example, when I was in Djibouti, I was walking around the camp, commenting to my captain about how hot it was. Soon after, I saw several women walking with stacks of wood on their backs in the 130-degree heat. I’m sure they were hotter than I, but were working and doing what they needed to do to survive. This shows that our most difficult experiences become the crucibles forging our character and developing our inner powers. If we are to be proactive, this means we wake up every morning realizing that we are responsible for our lives. Of course, bad things may happen, but those things are challenges that we will overcome if we muster up the courage to take them on. We must accept the fact that our lives will depend more on our choices than our conditions. What matters most is how we respond to our experiences. Do we show courage in moments of fear? Do we make the right decision when there is an easier route? While on deployment, I picked up a devotional field book. It contained The Marine Prayer, which can help guide our responses in daily situations: 31
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Now You Know
Almighty Father, whose command is over all and whose love never fails, make me aware of Thy presence and obedient to Thy will. Keep me true to my best self, guarding me against dishonesty in purpose in deed and helping me to live so that I can face my fellow Marines, my loved ones and Thee without shame or fear. Protect my family. Give me the will to do the work of a Marine and to accept my share of responsibilities with vigor and enthusiasm. Grant me the courage to be proficient in my daily performance. Keep me loyal and faithful to my superiors and to the duties my country and the Marine Corps have entrusted to me. Make me considerate of those committed to my leadership. Help me to wear my uniform with dignity, and let it remind me daily of the traditions which I must uphold. If I am inclined to doubt; steady my faith; if I am tempted, make me strong to resist; if I should miss the mark, give me courage to try again. Guide me with the light of truth and grant me wisdom by which I may understand the answer to my prayer. Amen. When I was growing up, my grandmother never seemed to worry. She always said God did not bring her this far to leave her and not let her succeed. We are all here for a reason. We may not understand what that reason is, but I think we know what we should be doing in the situations we are facing right now. If we are vigilant in making the right decisions day to day, I believe we will see and understand the plan for our lives. There is a divine purpose for our existence that we must reach out and accept, day to day. Even though sometimes we make the wrong choices, choices we can’t fix and must live with, we must accept the mistakes, learn from them, and press on.
What’s the Plan? When we have a plan, we start off with a goal and work toward an end result. We must take control of our lives to stay on plan.
Take Control of Your Life 33
We accept our environment, but we are going to make it better. We control our attitudes and actions. We have imagination, creativity, and conscience. However, we also have fear, self-doubt, and apprehension – competing interests. To overcome those doubts, it will take courage and self-mastery. But we can do it if we try. Once we start racking up the little victories, we will develop the needed self-confidence. Controlling our lives, or maintaining personal leadership, forces us to decide what we want to accomplish, and we determine the best plan to make it happen. According to consultants and authors Peter Drucker and Warren Bennis, “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” So, what are the right things? What are the principles that will be the foundation of who and what we are? In what do we believe? In Bull Durham, Crash Davis, the veteran catcher played by Kevin Costner, spoke about believing in the hanging curveball, high fiber, good scotch, and opening presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve. We need to think long and hard about what those right things are for us. When it’s all over and I am sitting on the front porch of life, hopefully I will have lived my life in accordance with the plan.
CHAPTER
13
Influence Your “Battlespace”
Be certain of what you believe, and be respectful and fair.
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he biggest lesson that I’m trying to teach my guys as leaders and future leaders is that it is their job to look ahead and see the “battlespace.” Waiting for something to go wrong and telling me about it is not what I expect. That’s management, not leadership – and not even good management, if you think about it. On the contrary, they need to understand what their situation is, what is about to happen, and who is doing it, and assess whether that is what they want to happen. If not, they need to take proactive measures to influence the “battlespace.” Napoleon used the phrase “coup d’oeil,” meaning being able to see and assess situations clearly, even if it is someone else’s responsibility. It also means, most importantly, understanding your resources and capabilities in order to make correct and timely decisions to arrive at your desired end state. I think they have it or are getting it, and they will go home with a better understanding of how to be effective. I hope no one drowns before then. I stopped going to all of the U.S. Central Command (CENTCOM) press conferences with Gen. Franks and Brooks at Camp As Sayliyah in Doha, Qatar. The contractor is doing a pretty good job, and the room is starting to get too crowded with military folks. If there is a problem, my captain will fix it, or I will see the general’s staff 47
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Now You Know
at breakfast, and they will let me know. Even though the Coalition is in Baghdad, it is way too early to celebrate. I have to say, although proud of our efforts, I was upset when I saw the U.S. flag on the face of the Saddam Hussein statue. I’m glad that after the emotion subsided, they removed it and replaced it with the Iraqi flag. We need for them to take over, and give the country back as soon as possible. I’m sure the civil affairs folks have that taken care of. Also, I’m sure there is a lot of fighting left. Additionally, what normally happens after the excitement is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs kicks in, and folks want to know where that next meal is coming from, and they are going to look to us. We will have the sniper, terrorist activity for a while to come. The terrorists will not want the Iraqis to feel safe, nor do the terrorists want the Iraqi folks to feel that the United States can protect them. There is a lot of work to be done. As an aside, the food here is great. The meat and fruit are topnotch. I have to admit, Doha is my favorite location. I met former world No. 1 professional tennis player Monica Seles, and we had a great conversation about Lebanese food. As I mentioned previously, I recently read an Albert Einstein article regarding man’s dual nature, a private and a public one. The private one takes care of his needs and the needs of those close to him. The public one takes on the responsibility for society to comfort and make well. His theory was in order for man to be truly successful, he needs to always put the two natures in conflict with each other and resolve them internally. His belief was that far too often, we pick one or the other based on what is most convenient or offers the least risk. I bet you didn’t know he was a socialist. Regardless, what I pulled from it is now that we have taken care of Saddam Hussein, there will come a time when we will need to have the same focus to get our economy and society squared away. So here is the conflict: domestic or international focus, or both? Maybe there is a way to accomplish both at the same time. Stay tuned.