to practice this behavior safely,” Dr. Perry says. Some safe ways for kids to get an adrenaline rush include participating in sports; going to amusement parks; or performing music, comedy, or dance. “If they have that safe and structured outlet, they are less likely to seek risk elsewhere,” Dr. Perry says. The second important thing for parents to recognize is that teens are hypersensitive during this time. “Sometimes they are really upset about things that don’t seem significant to us as adults,” Dr. Perry says.
TALKING TO
TEENS ABOUT UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS
A
round age 11, children experience a major growth of neurons, or brain cells, that shifts which parts of the brain dominate behavior and decisionmaking. At this time, the prefrontal cortex, which controls behavior and decision-making, is growing but not yet mature, while the limbic system, which controls fear and pleasure, is becoming the most active it will ever be. “That means that adolescent behavior is being driven by unfiltered fear or pleasure-seeking emotions. They don’t think before they act because their brains aren’t wired to do that,” says Martha Perry, MD, adolescent medicine specialist and the medical director of the UNC Children’s Primary Care Clinic. Back in the age of hunter-gatherers, teenagers needed to go out and make their own way. “They would need to have the courage to take risks and the hypervigilance to keep themselves safe until they had more experience,” Dr. Perry says. Today, these changes can lead teens to engage in risky behaviors that may affect their health and safety.
PARENTING YOUR SENSITIVE RISK-SEEKER If time and experience are what help teenage brains develop, learn to navigate the world, and make decisions, how can parents help guide them? “The first (thing) is to recognize that they are riskseeking at this stage of development and give them opportunities 32
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It can be a confusing time – there are moments when teenagers can be rational and make appropriate decisions. But in other moments, they cannot explain why they made a certain choice or why they find something upsetting. “A common thing I hear from parents is that their child knows better,” Dr. Perry says. Teenagers may know the risks or the reasons not to do something, but remember, the limbic system dominates and drives their behavior. “Their brains are not wired to think through what is right or wrong in the moment. They just act because of what they needed to be doing hundreds of years ago,” she says.
TEACHABLE MOMENTS Giving teenagers accurate, unbiased information is key to getting through to the prefrontal cortex. But having conversations with teenagers about vaping, drinking alcohol, having sex, or doing drugs can be difficult. One way to help teens navigate these decisions is to talk about these issues often. For example, if you’re out together and see someone engaging in a risky behavior, such as vaping, use it as a teachable moment. You might ask, “Have you heard of vaping, or have you seen people vaping?” Give accurate, age-appropriate information on the subject, such as that vaping can be dangerous to your lungs and addictive. Then you might follow up with another question: “Do you know what addiction is? Let’s talk about that.” “The earlier you have those conversations, the more awareness kids have and the more opportunities they have had to think about it on their own,” Dr. Perry says. “When the time comes that they are in a situation where everyone around them is smoking or vaping, they have more brainpower to make that choice.” But be careful about giving misinformation. “Saying, ‘If you vape once, you will get addicted’ or ‘If you have sex, you will get pregnant’ is not completely accurate. You don’t want your teenager to stop trusting what you are saying,” Dr. Perry says. So, be sure to obtain information from reliable sources. You can also acknowledge that you don’t have all the facts. Saying, “We can look it up together,” for example, can make learning a shared experience.
WHEN YOUR TEEN IS UPSET Teenage brains are not wired to have a reasonable conversation during a moment of upset, and teens need to have their emotions validated. “Parents see an adultlike figure in front of them and
June 2020
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