KidsLife Magazine Summer 2024 by CityLife Media Cairns

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For me the festive season is the best time of year! I just love all things Christmas and especially in FNQ. Our tropical stone fruits are in season, it’s the perfect weather to hit the beach or the local creeks for a swim with the family, and don’t even get me started on the joy of Christmas decorations! … yes I’m a Christmas tragic, always have been. My team will tell you that we’ve had our Christmas decorations up in the office since October! LOL

I never used to put them up that early, but since COVID, instead of November, it’s now October. For the simple reason - that I like to extend the feeling of the festive season not only for myself, but for those around me for as long as I can. And I believe we’ve earned a bit of extra positivity this year don’t you!?!

Christmas comes with a certain feeling and behaviour from people, one when they are looking forward to having some time off work if they’re able to, planning catch ups with friends and family, and a real sense of wanting to do things that make them and those around them feel cheerful!

And let’s face it, if you’ve got little ones in the house, or visiting, it’s even better! The absolute joy on their faces

on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning is just something else.

But what I love most about Christmas is that feeling of togetherness. The desire that people have to want to be with those who fill their cup. Whether that’s family, friends or colleagues, that time spent together during the festive season is often where some of the best core memories are made. People are more relaxed as they’re not having to rush back to work or turn up to work the next day, so there’s a generous amount of time we all get to spend in each others company.

So if I could wish just one thing for our readers this festive season, it’s more togetherness with those who fill your cup. It’s not about the presents, it’s about your presence in other people’s lives - the greatest gift you could possibly give. So give generously with your presence this festive season!

From my team and I, we wish you a safe and Happy Christmas and an extra special New Year.

Cheers

DEC 06-07 & 13-14

WICKED SINGLE FEATURE

Mareeba Drive In 7:00pm www.mareebadrivein.com.au/coming-soon

DEC 07

JULIA MACALPINE DANCE STUDIO'S 2024 PRODUCTION OF 'TALE AS OLD AS TIME' CPAC Theatre

1pm & 7pm www.cairnsperformingartscentre.com.au

DEC 08

CAROLS IN THE PARK Munro Martin Parklands/CPAC Theatre 6:30pm www.cairns.qld.gov.au/CPAC

DEC 14

TEXTILE CHRISTMAS TREES WITH LOUISA ENNIS-THOMAS

Cairns Art Gallery 10am - 12pm www.cairnsartgallery.com.au/whats-on

DEC 14

THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS: A PANTOMINE Rondo Theatre therondo.com.au/2024

DEC 15

ORIGINS

CPAC Theatre

11am or 5pm www.cairnsperformingartscentre.com.au/ ticketlinkEvents

DEC 20-21

MAREEBA DRIVE IN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL Mareeba Drive In 7:00pm www.mareebadrivein.com.au/coming-soon DEC 25 Merry

JAN 01

JAN 07

HOW TO DRAW COMICS WITH THE WRIGHT BROS

Smithfield Library

10:30am - 11:30am www.cairns.qld.gov.au/library/whats-on

JAN 16

LIFE OF A SEA TURTLE

City Library 10:30am - 11:30am www.cairns.qld.gov.au/library/whats-on

JAN 18

SUMMER CHILL

Fred Moule Pavillion 3pm - 8pm qmediaproevent.com

JAN 18

SOUTHSIDE CHILD & YOUTH MARKET

Mt Sheridan Shopping Plaza 10am - 1pm contact@cairnssouthtogether.org.au

JAN 29

YEAR OF THE SNAKE CAIRNS CHINESE NEW YEAR DAY

Cairns Esplanade 6:30pm www.cadcai.org.au

FEB 08

POCKET FARMERS' MARKET

The Pocket El Arish 7:30am - 12pm www.facebook.com

FEB 15

2025 YEAR OF THE SNAKE LANTERN FESTIVAL Cairns Esplanade 5:00pm - 7:30pm www.cadcai.org.au

FEB 22

DANCE EXTRAVAGANZA 2025 CPAC Theatre 7:30pm www.cairns.qld.gov.au/CPAC

DANCING, ART & CRAFT, SINGING, STORYTIME, ACTIVE PLAY, STEAM

Social Media Ban

For Under 16s

On the 28th November 2024, the Australian Senate passed a bill that increases the minimum age for social media users from 13 to 16. The legislation has garnered overwhelming support, with 77% of Australians backing the change.

It’s important to acknowledge that this achievement was made possible through bipartisan support, Prime Minister Athony Albanese and Opposition Leader Peter Dutton and their colleagues voted for it unanimously.

As supporters of the #36months campaign from the very beginning, the team at KidsLife Magazine would like to take this opportunity to thank the co-founders for fighting the good fight on this very important issue for our young people. It is something the team at KidsLife have felt very strongly about for a long time. 36 Months is the brainchild of co-founders

Michael Wipfli aka Wippa, co-host of the Fitzy, Wippa & Kate Ritchie breakfast show on Nova 96.9 Sydney; and Rob Galluzzo, founder of film production company FINCH. These two men fought long and hard for this on behalf of concerned parents, teachers and community members. The harrowing stories

#OBJECTION

Some people have objected to the change and have commented with “the intentions are good, but it’s not going to work. There’s no way they’ll be able to enforce this.”

The team at 36 months say in response to that:

“We should interrogate this objection before we believe it. The idea that just because it’s hard, we should do nothing, does nothing for the world in which we live. No change, anywhere, at any point in history, would have occurred if this is what people said to themselves in order to justify inaction.

“The Australian government has already said that the onus will be on social media platforms to enforce an effective age gate. Parents won’t be responsible, teenagers won’t be responsible and the government won’t be responsible. The creators of the product will be responsible for making sure those who shouldn’t have access, don’t.”

Professor Scott Galloway, NYU also says “what’s more challenging, figuring out if someone is younger than 16, or building a global real-time communication network that stores a near-infinite amount of text, video and audio retrievable by billions of simultaneous users in milliseconds with 24/7 uptime? The social media giants know where you are, what you’re doing, how you’re feeling, and if you’re experiencing suicidal ideation but they can’t figure out your age. You can’t make this shit up.”

they were flooded with on the daily made them compelled to take action to ensure our younger generation was protected from platforms that were not doing anything to protect our young people from being groomed online, fed inappropriate content, and from being targeted by paedophiles and bullies in their own homes 24/7.

Why 16?

We’re raising an anxious generation. Excessive social media use is rewiring young brains within a critical window of psychological development, causing an epidemic of mental illness.

At 13, children are not yet ready to navigate online social networks safely. These years are crucial for them to develop a secure sense of self alongside social confidence. 36 Months aims to create a supportive platform for teenagers to cultivate a secure identity and navigate the digital landscape with resilience and mindfulness.

Since the Australian legislation passed in the Senate, many platforms have come out publicly admitting that they have already created, trialled and tested aged verification software and facial age recognition software, but have never deployed it.

KidsLife Magazine Publisher Danae Jones says “It’s amazing what social media giants can deliver when they’re hands are forced. They’ve been sitting on this tech for years. It might not be perfect when it first rolls out, and sure people will work out how to side step it, there’s no doubt about that. But it’ll be better than what we currently have in place, which is zero restrictions or content controls. We have a legal age for driving a car, drinking alcohol, watching certain types of movies etc outside of the social media world, how is social media any different?It’s time for the social media platforms to own up to the fact that they are not new media and they need to fall into line with all other media and the guidelines they have in place to protect children. That’s the privilege of being able to operate in our country.

It’s also worth noting that countries across the world are now considering passing similar laws to protect their young people. I’m just so proud that once again Australia is leading the way, just like we did with the gun laws.”

Michael Wipfli

Roba Galluzzo

A Q&A With The Jones Sisters

How has your public business launch gone for you this year?

Trinity: We publicly launched at the KidsLife Expo in August after running our kid biz as a little hobby business in our neighbourhood. Since we launched publicly with the help of our Mum, it has been phenomenal. We have been inundated with support from the local community and we have sold more in the past few months than we’ve sold ever before. It’s been crazy! We couldn’t be happier with the result. It’s been a lot of packing orders and responding to people after school and on weekends doing deliveries with our Dad, but it has been so worth it. My sister and I have really enjoyed meeting our customers in person and getting to know everyone.

What has been the most exciting part of launching your very own kid biz?

Dakota: Working on the product designs and selecting the product range has been the most exciting for me. I really enjoy that part. Doing the photo shoots and marketing with my Mum’s team is also something I really enjoy. Without their help we couldn’t have done it all. They have helped us with our professional branding, brochures and labelling, photography, web development, media releases, market stalls and everything in between. They have been

such a great support for my sister and I. I am still in primary school and my sister only just started high school this past year, so without their support we just couldn’t have done it all as well as school and all the things we do outside of school. But they have shown us what it takes to truly run a proper business and get sales through the door. We are really excited about what we have planned for 2025. We have so many new products about to come out!

So what’s next for The Jones Sisters?

Trinity: We have been working with our manufacturer in Melbourne for many months developing our very own skincare and bodycare range, which we will be releasing in March 2025. It’s been a lot of testing sampling and backwards and forwards with them. We want our products to be safe enough that babies can use them on their skin so they are super safe with no nasties. But we also want them to smell good, so it’s been a lot to learn with the people formulating them. They have taught us so much about ingredients and what is safe and what is not safe. And we have taught them a lot about what kids like and don’t like, so it’s been a great partnership to get ready for the launch. They tell us we will be the only professionally made kids skincare and bodycare range in Australia, made by kids, for kids and 100% Australian manufactured and owned by kids. That is something we are all very excited about. So watch this space!

Pine Cone Christmas Trees

Source: elementaryartfun.blogspot.com via Pinterest

Here is a perfect Christmas project for your kids! Collect pine cones, use green paint and some little accessories and voila, you have little pine cone Christmas trees for your centre table for example!

How has your Cartoon book PooHeads been received?

Our family has been overwhelmed by the support and uptake of the kid’s book. PooHeads is now in over 330 school libraries across Australia and far exceeding the normal sales for a self-published book in this country. We’ve had sales in multiple countries overseas and we’ve been flooded with book reviews from kids, teachers, librarians, parents and grandparents. It’s been incredibly humbling to know that our boy’s book has had such an impact. We have received lots of love from parents and teachers who have said the book has resonated with kids that don’t normally read. All of the sudden kids that would never pick up a book are engrossed in PooHeads begging for book 2!

What has been the most exciting part of launching your very own comic book in Australia?

The most exciting part of launching the

book is seeing the reactions of kids’ faces when they are told that the book is written by someone their age. Seeing kids be inspired by kids is truly incredible.

Each week of this journey has brought more and more opportunities for our boys to experience. They are learning skills beyond what you get taught in school or in childhood - entreprenurial skills and thinking outside the ‘norm’.

What’s next for The Wright Bros.?

The boys are currently working with their cartoonist Stu, on book 2: Number Twos �� We hope to launch this in January.

We also have incredibly exciting news - last week we signed with the Zeitgeist Agency, one of the best Literary Agents in Australia. We plan on pitching the book to major publishers in Australia and overseas. Big things to come- watch this space!

cip@aapt.net.au

My Child Doesn’t Listen!

BY DR JUSTIN COULSON

Do you feel like your child doesn’t listen? Or that you’re caught in a never-ending loop of repeating requests to your child? You’re not alone. Parents everywhere experience the frustration of asking their kids to do something— often multiple times—before any action takes place. This article explores why repeating yourself doesn’t work and offers mindful communication techniques to help bridge the gap, so your child can truly hear, understand, and respond to your requests.

“Put on your shoes.” “Your shoes.”

“Put on your shoes!”

“I SAID PUT ON YOUR SHOES!”

It’s a familiar scene—repeated one way or another most days in most homes. That slow simmer of frustration when a simple request seems to vanish into the ether and is met with the selective deafness that only a child can truly master.

It’s easy to assume they’re deliberately ignoring us, their minds mysteriously attuned to the siren call of “ice cream” or “treats” while remaining impervious to any mention of footwear, schoolbags, lunchboxes, or the wet towel on the carpet.

But before we write them off as defiant or inattentive, let’s consider a different perspective. What if the communication breakdown isn’t entirely their fault? What if we, as parents, are inadvertently contributing to the disconnect?

Most of us see communication as a simple process:

1. We say it. We keep it short and simple so it’s easy to understand.

2. They hear it. And then they act.

But communication, especially with children, is far more nuanced.

Why Repeating Yourself Isn’t the Answer

Imagine this: your request to “put on your shoes” is just the opening move. Your child then needs to decode your message, understand what you’re asking, and provide feedback—a nod, a verbal response, or the actual act of moving towards those elusive shoes. And we, in turn, need to be attuned to their feedback, ensuring our message has landed as intended.

Perhaps the bigger issue is this: just because we did send the message and it was received, there are no guarantees that our child will act. Timing matters. What they’re doing, how they’re feeling, and what their agenda is are all factors that impact whether they act, regardless of how loud and clear the message was.

If your child is “not listening”, it’s time to shift strategy and engage in a more mindful, collaborative approach to communication.

Practical Steps to Get Your Child’s Attention

Here’s how to transform those frustrating moments into opportunities for connection.

1/ Start with Their Focus

Make Sure You Have Their Attention Before You Start Speaking. This might (but doesn’t have to) involve:

• A personalised invitation: Say their name gently but firmly, signalling that you’re about to say something important.

• Pressing pause: Give them a moment to disengage from their current activity and shift their focus to you. Eye contact is the signal you need to know they’re connected to you.

• A gentle touch: A light hand (or tap) on the shoulder can be a powerful way to draw their attention without startling them.

2/ Speak Their Language

Remember, you’re communicating with a child. Adjust your language and delivery accordingly:

• One thing at a time: Avoid overwhelming them with a barrage of instructions. Focus on one specific request at a time.

• Keep it concise: Use clear, simple language, and keep your sentences short.

• Make it fun: Inject some playfulness into the request. Can they put their shoes on “super fast” or with “extrasneaky ninja moves”?

• Engage their thinking: Instead of simply giving directives, ask questions like, “What do you need to do before we leave?”

3/ Confirm Understanding

Don’t just assume they’ve understood. Take a moment to confirm:

Playback time: Ask them to repeat back what you’ve asked them to do.

Timeline check: Ask, “When will you put your shoes on?” or “What are you going to do first?”

4/ Read Their Nonverbal Cues

Pay attention to their body language and facial expressions. Are they confused? Overwhelmed? Resistant? Adjust your approach accordingly.

5/ Validate Their Feelings

If they’re struggling to comply, acknowledge their feelings. “Don’t you just wish you could play/read all day? I know it’s hard to stop playing right now, but we need to leave soon.”

6/ Practise Patience

Remember, children are still developing their self-regulation skills. Be patient, understanding, and offer gentle reminders when needed.

7/ Create a Culture of Respectful Communication

Encourage open and honest communication in your family. Create a safe space for everyone to express their thoughts and feelings. Children are imitators. They need you to be a model of appropriate communication.

8/ Remember the Power of Connection

Sometimes, the most effective way to get through to a child is to connect with them on an emotional level. Take a moment to engage with them, offer a hug, or simply acknowledge their feelings.

9/ Do it With Them

When all else fails (or sometimes well before anything fails), be involved together. Solidarity and companionship are often the secrets to making things work.

Even with the most effective communication strategies, there will be days when your child’s selective hearing seems to reach world-class levels. But by shifting our approach from one of frustration and repetition to one of connection and collaboration, we can transform those frustrating moments into opportunities for growth, understanding, and deeper connection with our children.

Ingredients 60g (24) natural ice-cream wafers

375m (1 1/2 cups) thickened cream

395g can sweetened condensed milk

270ml can coconut cream

70g (2 cups) rice bubbles

Cooking with Kids! Christmas WHITE CHRISTMAS ICE-CREAM SANDWICHES

For an easy make-ahead Christmas dessert, you can’t beat these fresh and festive ice- cream sandwiches, made from sweetened condensed milk.

PREPTIME: 5h35m

160g (1 1/2 cups) frozen raspberries, plus extra, to serve 290g packet white chocolate melts, melted 20g (1/4 cup) shredded coconut, toasted 40g (1/4 cup) chopped pistachio kernels

Instructions

Step 1

Line a 20 x 30cm slice pan with 2 layers of plastic wrap, extending 10cm over the sides. Arrange 2 rows of 6 wafers, side by side in the pan, leaving a 2cm gap down the middle of the pan.

Step 2 Use an electric mixer to whisk the cream and condensed milk in a bowl until soft peaks form. With the beaters going, gradually add the coconut cream and whisk until just combine and the cream still holds its shape (be careful not to over-beat or beat to high as the mixture will curdle). Fold in the rice bubbles and frozen raspberries until just combined. Carefully spoon over the wafers and smooth the surface. Cover with rows of remaining wafers to line up with the base wafers, leaving a 2cm gap in the centre. Fold over the plastic wrap. Place in the freezer for 4 hours or until firm.

Step 3 Use the plastic wrap to lift the ice-cream slab out of the pan and onto a chopping board. Trim off the excess ice-cream around the wafers and down the 2cm centre gap. Working from the centre, carefully slice the slab into 12 wafer-sized sandwiches. Place the sandwiches on a tray lined with baking paper and return to the freezer for at least 1 hour or until you are ready to decorate.

Step 4 Taking one ice-cream sandwich from the freezer at a time, dip one end into the melted chocolate to come 2cm up the sides. Sprinkle half the sandwiches with coconut and half with pistachio. Return each sandwich to the tray in the freezer. Repeat for remaining sandwiches. Place in the freezer for 1 hour or until firm. Notes Allow additional time for refrigeration.

Recipe by: Tessa Immens

Cooking with Kids! Christmas Easy Christmas biscuits

Recruit handy little helpers to make these easy Christmas biscuits.

Course:PartyFood

Servings:30biscuits

Ingredients Reindeer Biscuits

20 mini star-shaped pretzels

10 red M&M’s

20 candy eyes

10 Tim Tam biscuits (see note)

50g dark chocolate, melted, cooled

Bauble Biscuits

90g dark chocolate, melted, cooled

PREPTIME:1HR

3 rainbow sour straps, cut lengthways into thin strips

10 Venetian biscuits

M&M’s and M&M’s minis, to decorate

Pudding Biscuits

90g white chocolate, melted, cooled

10 milk chocolate digestive biscuits (see note)

20 mini red M&M’s

2 watermelon cloud lollies, thinly sliced

Instructions

Step 1

Make Reindeer Biscuits: Using picture as a guide, attach pretzels, M&M’s and candy eyes to Tim Tam biscuits using melted chocolate.

Refrigerate until set.

Step 2

Make Bauble Biscuits: Place melted chocolate in a small snap-lock bag. Snip off 1 corner. Using picture as a guide, fold sour strap pieces into small bows, securing with a little chocolate. Pipe chocolate onto biscuits. Attach bows, M&M’s and mini M&M’s to biscuits.

Refrigerate until set.

Step 3 Make Pudding Biscuits: Place melted chocolate into a small snap-lock bag. Snip off 1 corner. Using picture as a guide, pipe chocolate over top of each biscuit to form ‘custard’. Decorate with mini M&M’s and cloud lollies. Refrigerate until set.

Step 4

To gift, pack biscuits into boxes or cellophane bags and secure with ribbon.

Recipe by: Liz Macri

Why are so many of our kids, teens & adults feeling so lonely?

BY MAGGIE DENT

In short …

• Despite living in a hyper-connected society, more of we adults are feeling lonely and, concerningly, the number of young people who feel lonely is on the rise.

• Lack of play, increasingly living our lives online and the lingering effects of the pandemic are causing today’s kids to struggle with social and emotional skills.

• Many adults, too, can struggle to connect deeply in the busy-ness of our modern lives.

• In this article, Maggie offers 10 tips to address this epidemic of loneliness and equip our kids with what they need to meet their number one biological need: to feel they belong.

“In 2022, just over 1 in 6 (16%) Australians were experiencing loneliness. As of 2022, about 1 in 5 (17%) males and 1 in 6 (15%) females aged 15–24 were experiencing loneliness. An increasing number of people aged 15–24, have reported experiencing loneliness since 2012.” – Australian Institute of Health and Welfare We are a social species. This means we are meant to live in relationships within systems such as families, neighbourhoods, communities and nations. This means belonging and human connectedness are key elements of being a healthy human, as well as being a key protective factor in terms of resilience.

Technically, social isolation means having fewer social relationships or times of social contact especially meaningful contact. This can definitely contribute to loneliness however it is not a cause of loneliness.

Loneliness tends to be perceived as an unpleasant feeling of a lack of connection with other people while also yearning for more of a positive connection with others. You can live alone and yet not be lonely.

In my work in communities recovering from major traumatic events like bushfires and floods, the more connected the community had been before the disaster, the quicker and more effective the recovery. Quite simply, people looked out for each other not just themselves. I was blessed to grow up in a small community in the wheat belt of Western Australia, and I witnessed as a little girl how locals gathered together to help others who were experiencing difficulty and challenge. No one was left out regardless of culture, religion or how much money they earnt.

As I wrote in a recent article, we have changed from being a ‘we’ world to a ‘me’ world where the focus in our society is on individual worth, value, reputation and perception of success. Today’s emphasis on influencers is a perfect example of me culture.

So this is not a recent phenomenon, however the digital world is accelerating the growth of self-focus and worsening mental health statistics reflect this.

I believe the me culture has diminished the we culture and it is one of the many reasons why loneliness has become noticeably present in our world.

The creep of loneliness into our younger generations

Loneliness has been a factor for men over 40 for many years. It is considered a contributing factor towards the disturbingly high suicide rate for men in this age group. There are many reasons why male friendships are different to female friendships and that starts in childhood. Thankfully there have been some significant, positive shifts to improve male connectedness. The Fathering Project, The Man Walk, The Men’s Table, just

to name a few. I am a huge supporter of Gotcha4Life, which strongly promotes mental well-being and fitness for everyone and was founded by media personality Gus Worland after he lost one of his best mates to suicide.

Recent surveys including the one that I did for my most recent book Help Me Help My Teen, show that loneliness is on the rise for our teens. In the Mission Australia Annual Youth Survey for 2023, almost a quarter (24.9 per cent) of young people indicated high levels of psychological distress, and one-fifth (20.8 per cent) said they felt lonely all or most of the time.

I have met many mums of small kids over the last couple of years who express the same sense of loneliness. The traditional village where lots of people were around to support families with babies and toddlers has disintegrated for many reasons. Being a sleep-deprived parent navigating those early years can be incredibly difficult without some support especially emotionally. This is highly evident in the number of women who make extremely good friends with a small group of mothers who have had babies at the same time that is sometimes organised via child care nurses.

The arrival of smart phones has definitely impacted our capacity for genuine human connectedness not only in our homes but in our communities and workspaces. While

the phone is needed for organising so many things in our children’s lives from school messaging apps, the sport or dance apps, ordering lunches, organising appointments – we need to be mindful we don’t end up leaving our kids feeling digitally abandoned. Real connection needs presence – face-to-face, with safe touch and with time.

One of the best psychological tonics I have in my life is having a coffee or sharing a meal with someone I value and care about.

It is usually a special female friend or sister, we will laugh, we will cry, we may snort and we will leave with our cups overflowing! That is the true power of human connection in real time with someone we trust.

Why are so many people struggling with loneliness?

If human connectedness is the opposite of loneliness, we need to start in childhood. No child is born with social competence and emotional literacy. In other words, this needs to be learnt and traditionally this was done through having a childhood where children spent most of their time playing with other children of all ages, across genders with autonomy and freedom within the proximity of a minimum of one safe adult. This happened best in natural environments where there were potential risks

that children learnt to navigate together and gave them opportunities to stretch and grow.

Play has diminished across childhood for many reasons. Back in the 80s especially in rural communities, the weekend was when parents played sport and the children all played together while waiting for their parents to finish. Today, weekends are taken up with kids’ organised sport and parents have little time for leisure over weekends!

The arrival of handheld devices like tablets and iPads has stolen hours and hours of early childhood development in terms of being a social being, as well as impacting their physical, cognitive, emotional growth.

Teachers of five-year-olds have been telling me over the last 10 years they have noticed four key concerns:

• Poorer gross and fine motor skills

• Weaker verbal vocabulary

• Inability to initiate and sustain play with other children

• Poorer self-regulation skills

We get what’s called a ‘displacement effect’ where use of technology has replaced real experience and the sooner children get hand-held screens, the bigger the capacity for developmental harm.

School recess times and lunch times have also been shortened which means our children are fundamentally having less opportunities to play with other children, and therefore to develop their social awareness.

Sadly, we now have to run social and emotional learning classes in primary school to try to make up the deficit that has been caused by the lack of play.

Bullying has become very problematic

Indeed, among similar English speaking countries, Australia leads the world in bullying! Bullying is not childhood nastiness and meanness where children sometimes call each other unkind names or exclude kids from certain games.

Bullying is an intentional behaviour designed by an individual to cause harm to another that is often repeated and uses an inappropriate level of power. Many kids who have been scarred by bullying can struggle with loneliness later in life because of the fear of being hurt again. Sadly, cyberbullying has taken things up a notch.

Cultivating and nurturing friendships in childhood needs to be more of a priority for parents. Dr W Thomas Boyce writes about children being ‘orchids’ or ‘dandelions’ and the dandelions among them generally find making friends quite easy however our more sensitive orchid children can find it quite difficult.

Rather than over scheduling children to attend many different adult-led activities throughout the school week and weekend, I recommend you prioritise times when children get to play with children they like.

There are many subtle nuances that are a part of creating social awareness around play and these are only learnt through play.

When I was counselling, I met many children who struggled to have anyone to play with and I created a creative visualisation called ‘I am a good friend’ to help these children. It explores, through their imagination, how they can turn up with a welcoming face, and an ability to say hello and to explore different expectations when playing with other children.

You can also take a listen to the Parental As Anything episode we did on play for some good tips.

Neurodivergent children can particularly struggle in this area. I recommend reading the brilliant book by Madonna King and Rebecca Sparrow called Out of the Box. It’s an in-depth dive into understanding, accepting and appreciating neurodivergent kids and it has a fabulous section on cultivating friendships and helping ND kids find ways to belong.

Online connectedness is very different to in real life (IRL) connectedness. Humans are wired to communicate not just with their words but with their body physiology and their tone of voice.

We are also wired for emotional contagion which means that if who we are spending time with is in a positive emotional state, there is a pretty good chance we will lift our mood to match theirs. This does not happen so easily online.

Indeed, many of the teens who took part in my Help Me Help My Teen survey reported how difficult it can be sometimes when their friends are sharing online in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable especially if they don’t want to break their streak on Snapchat. They know if they stop connecting digitally, it can be interpreted as a negative by the other girls and they risk being socially ostracised. How incredibly difficult is that for our girls to navigate while they are desperate for connection – it can be so confusing and it sometimes costs them dearly.

Online behaviour is very different than IRL behaviour. Some of the nastiest and cruellest things that are shared online would not happen face-to-face. Given the intellectual immaturity of our kids especially under 16, this online nasty behaviour, which is often impulsive and not thought through, can have huge impacts on others. It tends to normalise nastiness and that is the opposite of the human connectedness that we are biologically wired to survive with.

In the online world our kids also witness very badly behaving adults who are also normalising unkind, mean and derogatory behaviour.

As I’ve written about pretty extensively, social media algorithms are wired to show more negative content than positive content, because it ensures better profits as we are wired to stay connected.

I believe this is definitely contributing to the social isolation, to the fear of being authentic and honest, and the fear of revealing your true self.

The lingering impact of the pandemic

Covid also contributed to the increase in loneliness. Having a couple of years where real-time play was stolen from children, and the only way to survive was in the online world has created different perceptions and expectations around human relationships.

Teachers have been noticing significant differences in social behaviour in our classrooms following the pandemic. Maybe we need to reduce the endless testing and push for results and prioritise play in our schools so that kids can learn the basics that they have missed, rather than punishing them for the behaviour that has stemmed from having less skills socially and emotionally?

A key biological driver in adolescence is to form relationships with others of a similar age. This is part of the individuation process for our emerging adults and, after 16, healthy friendships are an incredibly important protective factor over the bridge to adulthood. They can form deeper and more trustworthy relationships that can help them transition to life after school. Indeed, in both

my books about teens – From Boys to Men and Help Me Help My Teen – a key message for your teen needs to be “watch out for your friends.”

It can be hard to convince your teen to watch out for themselves but they are biologically wired to watch out for their friends. Please encourage and support social gatherings with their friends in real time because that is where the magic really happens. Sleep overs, camping trips and gathering around firepits are all still favoured by teens.

Taking my sons for early morning surfing trips on weekends with their mates was not what I really wanted to do after a busy week of teaching. However, those mates are still valuable parts of their lives today and seeing those boys after a surf, full of life and optimism – it was worth it.

What can we do to address the loneliness epidemic?

1. Prioritise play in all its forms, as often as possible with all ages including our teens and adults.

2. Avoid over scheduling your children into organised activities that diminish their opportunity for autonomy.

3. Minimise your phone usage and hide your phone when you are with your children.

4. Remember micro-moments of connection with your children can add up to macro connections.

5. Prioritise human communication using words, word games, tongue twisters, songs and by reading to your children (and getting them to read to you) for as long as possible.

6. Family rituals that allow our kids to feel safe, loved and connected are incredibly important.

7. Lighten up around home and help your children learn the nuances of a good sense of humour.

8. Model caring for others and kindness.

9. Create a tribe of like-minded humans with children who you meet up with at parks, garden, backyards or beaches at least once a month if not more.

10. Nurture your own friendships – and prioritise connections in real time.

There are so many pressures on parents today that have shifted the focus on what’s best for children and what they really need.

Childhood is meant to be slow, full of opportunities for children to explore the world surrounded by other kids –often in messy and unpredictable ways in the company of a minimum of one safe, surely attached adult.

I have long written of my concerns about how our world is hellbent on stealing childhood in the name of education where formalised learning has been pushed down earlier and earlier. This comes at the cost of play and movement and that has to be causing a delay in the growth of social and emotional competence.

Our children are whole children not brains on seats, or sources of data. They are humans, biologically wired to hunger for belonging and connection. Maybe if we prioritised this in the first five years of life, we might be able to improve the mental wellbeing of all of our children and banish loneliness for ever.

Image: The boys and I on a surfing trip to Hawaii in 2017.

Summer’s Story: Falling in Love with the Ocean

BY ALISON FITZSIMMONS

Founder of Baby Bear’s Chair www.babybearschair.com.au

Summer is here, and it’s time to pack the sunscreen, grab the wide-brimmed hats, and head for the ocean. There’s something magical about those long, lazy days at the beach—the sound of the waves, the feel of sand between your toes, and the treasures the tide leaves behind. For little ones, it’s a sensory wonderland, and for us, it’s the perfect opportunity to spark something deeper—a lifelong connection to the natural world.

Beachcombing Adventures

Let’s start with the simple joy of beachcombing. There’s nothing like watching your toddler discover a piece of driftwood or a shell sparkling in the sunlight. To them, it’s a treasure. To us, it’s a reminder of Earth’s story—one of wind, water, and time weaving their magic. Each find is a piece of something bigger, a small window into the interconnectedness of it all.

This summer, turn those treasures into stories and creations. Make a driftwood mobile that dances in the breeze, a selfportrait from shells and seaweed, or a little boat with fabric sails. These simple activities don’t just inspire creativity; they help children see the beauty in the world around them—and their place within it.

Living the Story of Interconnectedness

Here’s the thing: it’s not just about art projects. Every shell, every piece of driftwood, every grain of sand is part of something bigger. When children collect and create, they’re learning about interconnectedness—how everything on this planet, from the tiniest shell to the tallest tree, plays a role in the great cosmic story. It’s integral ecology in action, nurturing a sense of responsibility for this beautiful, fragile Earth.

And what better teacher than the ocean itself? The waves rolling in and out, the horizon stretching endlessly, the creatures hidden just below the surface—it all reminds us of the delicate balance that keeps life going. Sit with your kids at sunrise, watch the tide come in, and share the wonder of it all. It’s simple, but these moments matter.

Bring the Rubbish Home

Here’s a challenge for this summer: make a pact with your kids to bring home any rubbish you find on the beach. It’s a simple way to show them that while we enjoy Earth’s gifts, we also have a responsibility to care for and protect her. Whether it’s a water bottle cap or a forgotten plastic bag, every little bit helps. Imagine the pride on their faces as they make the beach a better place, one piece of rubbish at a time. That’s stewardship in action.

Small Steps, Big Impact

Babies and toddlers might not understand it all just yet, but these early experiences—the feel of wet sand, the sound of crashing waves, the joy of discovery—lay the foundation. They’re growing up in a world that needs them to care, to notice, and to act. And it’s our privilege to help them fall in love with it all, one summer adventure at a time.

So this summer, let’s do more than visit the beach. Let’s connect. Let’s explore. Let’s weave the story of the ocean into our lives, teaching our little ones that they are part of something vast, beautiful, and worth protecting.