BALANCING MENTAL WELLBEING

Jay Allen is a published author, combat veteran, motivational speaker and successful businessman. His provoking speeches predominantly concentrate on both personal and professional growth of businesses and their leaders and his personal story regarding Mental Health/ Mental Wealth, is inspiring to all. He is currently listed on the UK Power 100 (Smith and Williamson) as one of their top 100 recognised business influencers in the UK. jayallen.uk

IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK

The result of a demanding, fast-paced world, 24/7 media and technology has seen a demise in self-esteem and confidence and an increase in comparison and pressure. This takes a huge toll on mental wellbeing, connection with others and, ultimately, self-worth and mental and emotional stability.

The offline world brings similar challenges resulting in the same trauma states.

I served Queen and Country worldwide for over 12 years in the British Army as an Advanced Trauma Medic until a series of traumatic incidents saw me medically retired diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD is often a ‘slow onset’ condition usually caused by a build-up of multiple incidents/ scenarios which culminate in ‘break point’. A painful and surreal visit to my GP and being sectioned under the Mental Health Act (for my own protection) was my break point. The factors that combined for me were childhood trauma, exposure to mass graves in Bosnia, money concerns and a separation from my wife. These resulted in me becoming a ‘functioning alcoholic’ for over a year before I asked for help. The biggest difficulty to overcome was my pride as an adult male, a husband, father and soldier. These roles all demanded something of me. I felt I was failing. I was angry and blamed the world and everything in it. During my hospitalisation, it became evident it was up to me to do the work to get back out. That involved accepting the things that had caused my trauma, learning coping mechanisms to acknowledge they had happened and to disassociate feelings or emotions attached to them. This was slow work; but fast forward and I’m now an award-winning international keynote speaker, published author, coach and entrepreneur with my own coaching and consultancy company. That said, transition is rarely easy. Acknowledging the condition, getting the right diagnosis and treatment and managing treatment and recovery are significant enough to overcome. But overcoming lack of knowledge, understanding, consideration and tolerance is just as tough. I’m not ashamed of my PTSD and don’t shy away from it, but it invited rejection in many forms. But this rejection ultimately became my salvation as I transformed it into a determination to achieve in spite of the judgements. The process of change comes hand in hand with uncertainty, anxiety and fear, especially when managing your mental health alongside careers, businesses and relationships. Managing fear Did I feel fear as I was recovering and building my business? Easier to ask when didn’t I?. But I was determined to move forward to achieve. Fear can be incredibly debilitating but there is a skill that has helped me (and still does) to overcome the fear: using perspective.

When facing fear, anxiety or overwhelm, we lock our

thoughts onto the severity and immediacy of the problem, unable to see all the other difficult situations we have faced and overcome.

Whenever faced with something which challenges my comfort zone, I measure my fear and ask myself - ‘Where does this sit in comparison with everything else I’ve ever faced and overcome?’ If you have done it once, you can do it again. Alongside my businesses, being a Mental Health and Suicide Prevention First Aider has helped me to help others find a safe space of calm. This can mean whatever you need it to mean to benefit your headspace. Our roles as coaches and as humans is to acknowledge, understand and empathise with those we have the privilege to live and work with; to help them with their challenges to move forward as the person they are, in their uniqueness. It’s ok to say ‘I’m not ok’. Just make sure you say it out loud, let others support you and know that you are not defined by it.