Jay Allen is a published author, combat veteran, motivational speaker and successful businessman. His provoking speeches predominantly concentrate on both personal and professional growth of businesses and their leaders and his personal story regarding Mental Health/ Mental Wealth, is inspiring to all. He is currently listed on the UK Power 100 (Smith and Williamson) as one of their top 100 recognised business influencers in the UK. jayallen.uk
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IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK
he result of a demanding, fast-paced world, 24/7 media and technology has seen a demise in self-esteem and confidence and an increase in comparison and pressure. This takes a huge toll on mental wellbeing, connection with others and, ultimately, self-worth and mental and emotional stability.
That said, transition is rarely easy. Acknowledging the condition, getting the right diagnosis and treatment and managing treatment and recovery are significant enough to overcome. But overcoming lack of knowledge, understanding, consideration and tolerance is just as tough. I’m not ashamed of my PTSD and don’t shy away from it, but it invited rejection in many forms. But this rejection ultimately became my salvation as I transformed it into a determination to achieve in spite of the judgements. The process of change comes hand in hand with uncertainty, anxiety and fear, especially when managing your mental health alongside careers, businesses and relationships.
The offline world brings similar challenges resulting in the same trauma states. I served Queen and Country worldwide for over 12 years in the British Army as an Advanced Trauma Medic until a series of traumatic incidents saw me medically retired diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Managing fear
Did I feel fear as I was recovering and building my business? Easier to ask PTSD is often a ‘slow onset’ condition usually when didn’t I?. But I was determined to move forward to achieve. Fear can caused by a build-up of multiple incidents/ be incredibly debilitating but there is a skill that has helped me (and still scenarios which culminate in ‘break point’. A does) to overcome the fear: using perspective. painful and surreal visit to my GP and being When facing fear, anxiety or overwhelm, we lock our sectioned under the Mental Health Act (for thoughts onto the severity and immediacy of the problem, my own protection) was my break point. It’s ok to say unable to see all the other difficult situations we have ‘I’m not ok’. Just The factors that combined for me were childhood faced and overcome. trauma, exposure to mass graves in Bosnia, money make sure you Whenever faced with something which challenges concerns and a separation from my wife. These say it out loud, my comfort zone, I measure my fear and ask myself resulted in me becoming a ‘functioning alcoholic’ for let others support - ‘Where does this sit in comparison with everything over a year before I asked for help. you and know else I’ve ever faced and overcome?’ The biggest difficulty to overcome was my pride as an that you are not If you have done it once, you can do it again. adult male, a husband, father and soldier. These roles defined by it. Alongside my businesses, being a Mental Health and all demanded something of me. I felt I was failing. I was Suicide Prevention First Aider has helped me to help others angry and blamed the world and everything in it. find a safe space of calm. This can mean whatever you need it to During my hospitalisation, it became evident it was up to me to mean to benefit your headspace. do the work to get back out. That involved accepting the things that had Our roles as coaches and as humans is to acknowledge, understand and caused my trauma, learning coping mechanisms to acknowledge they had empathise with those we have the privilege to live and work with; to help happened and to disassociate feelings or emotions attached to them. them with their challenges to move forward as the person they are, in their This was slow work; but fast forward and I’m now an award-winning uniqueness. international keynote speaker, published author, coach and entrepreneur with my own coaching and consultancy company.
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