WHY IT FEELS LIKE 1964 TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN
BLUE COLLAR BROTHAS
BLACKS
MUST
EMBRACE THE
2
ND
AMENDMENT
FINDING LONGDISTANCE LOVE
+
SHARPDRESSED MEN
JULY 2022 ISSUE
[ CLE ]
22 JULY 2022 / CODE M
[ BUSINESS ]
[ NEWS ]
INSIDE
26
TOP GUN: MAVERICK
ON THE COVER
28
BLACKS MUST EMBRACE THE 2ND AMENDMENT From grocery shopping to church, to police brutality, and Black-on-Black crime,
Blacks are being gunned down in so many alarming ways that they have no choice but to look at personal protection. The question is, will it make it worse or better by carrying a firearm? 10 MOVERS AND SHAKERS
difference in their careers and changing the world! 12 MAN CODES
Life Quotes. 14 CLEVELAND STRONG: TY SMITH CREATES HIS OWN DEPARTMENT They say that there are two critically important days in a person’s life. The first important day is when you are born, the second important day is when you find out why you were born. For Ty Smith, he learned his “why” at an exceedingly early age.
Tom Cruise reprises his role in one of the most memorable films ever made about planes, love, and forgiveness in one movie.
17 BLUE COLLAR BROTHAS Working a respectable blue-collar job can lead to a six-figure income, a storied career, and security for the employee and their family. 22 USFL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME: HALL OF FAME IS IDEAL PLACE FOR FINALE CANTON, Ohio — Abutting the Pro Football Hall of Fame, where dreams of football immortality are realized with a gold jacket, a bronze bust and a promise to never forget, two teams left standing in the inaugural season of the United States Football League will reach for a dream of their own.
Get to know people who are making a CODE M / JULY 2022 5
[ INSIDE ] 40 WHY IT FEELS LIKE 1964 If you pay close attention to what is going on, the laws of the United States are reversing. If we are not careful, we could be using separate bathrooms again. 44 FINDING LONG-DISTANCE LOVE
36
CELEBRATING GAY PRIDE The celebration for Gay Pride month was started out of a need to stop the constant harassment the LTGBQ community gets on a consistent basis.
4 JULY 2021 / CODE M
Long-distance relationships help increase the bond that goes beyond the physical relationship because you have more time to talk to each other and develop a meaningful bond. The tricky part is finding a way to spend meaningful time together. 48 RECOVERING FROM A SUICIDE DEATH Part II of a series on Suicide prevention and how to recover from the loss of a loved one. 51 SHARP-DRESSED MEN There is nothing like seeing strong, confident men look good in fine clothing. These men are seasoned, mature veterans of fashion with a taste of class as well.
TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN
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PRESIDENT Brad J. Bowling SENIOR ADVISOR
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Stiff Arm Media
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nce Burnley CODE MEDIA GROUP LLC
To the PUBLISHER STAFF
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Sharif Akram DIRECTOR OF RADIO/PODCAST
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CODE M Magazine was created to be a guiding force in creating a dialogue for black men everywhere. Code M focuses on the conversations of advancement, mental health, career choices, the political landscape and relationships that define and shape the lives of black men everywhere.
Code M Magazine is published by CODE MEDIA GROUP, LLC © 2022 All Rights Reserved
[ TRAVEL ]
CODE M / JULY 2021 9
MOVERS
SHAKERS
S H A W N 10 JULY 2022 / CODE M
Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!
K I N D L E
[ MOVERS & SHAKERS ] SHAWN J. KINDLE, PhD
EVELYN BURNETT
Shawn is a highly engaging, resultsdriven program/project professional with over 20yrs experience managing initiatives across public, private, and government sectors in the Continental U.S., Canada, Mexico, China, and Germany. He currently supports programs for PNC’s Enterprise Event Management & Physical Services, on sensitive engagements inclusive of crisis management, life safety, and domestic/global security.
Evelyn Burnett is a co-founder and CEO of Third Space Action Lab and Third Space Café headquartered in the great Glenville neighborhood in Cleveland, Ohio. Prior to this exciting venture, Evelyn served as Vice President, Economic Opportunity at Cleveland Neighborhood Progress, an intermediary whose mission is to foster communities of choice and opportunity throughout Cleveland. Prior to joining CNP, Evelyn served as Associate Director for Program Strategies with Admiral Center at Living Cities, project director in the city of Cleveland’s Office of Sustainability.
In 2023, Dr. Kindle has several print and digital publications planned; as well as continued functioning of her consulting firm Quiet Storm Professional Services.
JAMIL SANDERS Jamil Sanders is a relationship manager and a member of the local team serving KPB clients in Cleveland, Ohio. He quarterbacks a team of experts to meet the needs of existing clients and is responsible for cultivating relationships with prospects. Sanders flexible and energetic personality, combined with his focus on building trusted relationships has quickly elevated his success. Sanders was hired as a Retail Branch Relationship Manager in 2014 and rose quickly to taking care of high-net-worth clients in the wealth segment, as an associate relationship manager in 2018.
LAUREN R. WELCH Lauren R. Welch is a native of Cleveland whose work as an advocate, brand strategist, and creative has established her as a sought-after expert in cities around the country. She began her career working for high-profile clients like the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Zico Coconut Water, and Reebok. Now with over 15 years of experience in marketing and communications, she’s overseen marketing and communications for agencies, nonprofit organizations, political campaigns, educational institutions, and small businesses where she increases the visibility of industry leaders and organizations working to affect political and social change, oversee brand overhauls and restructuring, and elevate communications strategies through paid, owned, and earned media. CODE M / JULY 2022 11
START
Arthur Ashe
MAN CODES:
LIFE QUOTES Compiled by Bilal S. Akram
“I think all black people who smile are beautiful. You know what it took to get them there?” ― Darnell Lamont Walker
“Don’t waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy.”—Roy T. Bennett
“Don't be afraid to make mistakes. But if you do, make new ones. Life is too short to make the wrong choice twice.” ― Joyce Rachelle
“Time is the most valuable thing that a man can spend.” —Diogenes
“We are a beautiful people. Even the way we face and overcome challenges is beautiful. Our beauty deserves to be elevated and celebrated.” ― D.B. Mays
“A lot of the conflict you have in your life exists simply because you're not living in alignment; you're not being true to yourself.” ― Steve Maraboli
“If origin defines race, then we are all Africans – we are all black.” ― Abhijit Naskar
“Just keep being true to yourself, if you're passionate about something. go for it. Don't sacrifice anything, just have fun.” ― Blake Lewis
“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” – Maya Angelou
1 John 3:18 (NIV) “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”
“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.” – Arthur Ashe
12 JULY 2022 / CODE M
CODE M / JULY 2022 13
[ START ]
TY SMITH CREATES HIS OWN
DEPARTMENT
CLE STRONG
They say that there are two critically important days in a person’s life. The first important day is when you are born, the second important day is when you find out why you were born. For Ty Smith, he learned his “why” at an exceedingly early age.
w
By Anthony Kirby
hen Ty Smith was in high school, he experimented with working on cars in a program at Warrensville Heights High School. For his senior project, he was allowed to obtain a work-study anywhere he wanted. Being close to Tim Lally Chevrolet, he decided to ask the dealership if they would take him on. The dealership said yes, and Smith has been there ever since. After graduating in 2016, Smith was hired on full-time at Tim Lally. Not having a car, he rode his bike to work every day. That
16 14 OCTOBER JULY 2022 2021 / CODE / CODE M M
didn’t stop him from showing up on time and doing his job. “I knew that I always wanted to be an auto technician, so I appreciated the fact that they gave me a chance,” Smith said. “I basically did whatever the job needed and learned as much as I could.” Smith’s cheerful outlook and work ethic didn’t go unnoticed. His co-workers and management all knew they had something special on their hands when Smith asked the right questions and paid due diligence. With experience gained, more opportunities came. When the dealership hired a new manager who wanted to expand the business to building police cars for purchase by local municipalities, no one wanted the assignment. “No one wanted the job to build custom police cars, so I decided to take on the challenge of learning something new. I had to start from nothing to learn how to build police cars and after a while I had it down,” he explained. Smith taking on that challenge for the dealership turned into a new division for the company and a department that now produces over five hundred custom police cars annually. And
[ START ]
Smith is the only one doing the work.
with the car being too hot.”
“We couldn’t be happier to have Ty work for us,” said Jeff Novak, General Manager of Tim Lally. “His work ethic is amazing and we’re lucky to have him.”
In Smith’s spare time, he likes to go to car shows and hopes to one day build his own car. The tech mechanic is engaged to be married soon and has one child that he adores.
The process is pretty basic. The dealership gets a regular Chevrolet vehicle and then Smith converts it into a police car based on the customer’s needs. While working to perfect his craft, Smith has learned a thing or two about ways he can add value to each opportunity.
Smith is a true inspiration for his work family at Tim Lally and the Black community in general. ●
Smith developed a method for the police car to respond to temperature changes if it gets too hot for K -9 units. “I was able to develop a process where the horn will beep, and the windows will automatically roll down if the car gets too hot for the dog,” Smith said. “This allows the officer to know if the dog is in trouble
Ty Smith developed new technology to help K9 units protect their dogs.
CODE M / JULY 2022 15
16 JULY 2021 / CODE M
BUSINESS [ SPORTS ]
BLUE COLLAR BROTHAS
Working a respectable blue-collar job can lead to a six-figure income, a storied career, and security for the employee and their family. by Leslie Logan
Y
ou an see it everywhere. The new disrespect that blue collar employees get from society. It started in the ‘70s and ‘80s when it was suggested that people of color get a college degree in order to improve their lives and income. Then, in the ’90, any positions that were blue were moved to the suburbs where everyone was starting to move so they could be closer to their job. Blue-collar jobs are typically classified as involving manual labor and compensation by an hourly wage. Some fields that fall into this category include construction, manufacturing, maintenance, and mining. Those who have this sort of job are characterized as members of the working class.
Today, social media has made it clear that if you are not an influencer, making a ton of money or on TV, that you are not worthy of a great life partner, good income, or a solid career. But the world of being a blue-collar employee has never been better for those who work today. Getting a college degree no longer guarantees a person a great lifestyle — that coupled with the fact that the cost to obtain a degree makes one question if it’s even worth it. For the 2021-2022 academic year, the average price of tuition and fees came to: $38,070 at private colleges, $10,740 at public colleges (in-state residents), and $27,560 at public colleges (out-of-state residents). So, a four-year degree could cost anywhere from $40,000 to $100,000. The repayment plan for a degreed bank manager II making $60,000 a year could take a long time to repay. For blue collar workers, the training it takes to acquire an $80,000 to $120,000-a-year position might be free up to $3,000. The time it takes to get certified for most blue-collar positions is far less than it takes to get a college degree. So, many blue-collar employees earn a living faster, with much less CODE M / JULY 2022 17
[ BUSINESS ] investment than most college-degreed employees.
ranked in terms of median annual salary:
For Black men, there are so many opportunities to gain employment in positions that offer lengthy career training and compensation that is competitive and consistent.
•
Elevator Installer: $84,990
•
Power Plant Operator: $81,990
•
Petroleum Pump System Operator: $74,180
•
Powerhouse Substation and Relay Technician: $71,191
•
Power-Line Installer and Repairer: $61,276
“I think a lot of men feel like women don’t want to date guys who work in certain positions because they think they don’t have any money,” Rick, from Cleveland, said. “But there are jobs out there that pay great money and offer good benefits, too. Women need to realize that these men are just as good as those who are doing other things.”
While these positions are not glamourous, they provide great incomes for those who work in these industries. The question is: What can be done to get more Black people into these po-
sitions? For most families, a good two-income household is needed to live what is considered the American dream. Blue collar employees can provide a wonderful income to a family unit because of the consistency in competitive pay. “As a supervisor on my job, I get paid very well to do what I do,” said John, from Macedonia. “I earn six figures + and I get bonuses all the time for performance. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Here are the top five highest-paying blue-collar jobs in the US,
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During the late ‘50s and early ‘60s, Black people moved to the north in droves to find and work in plants because it provided a good income for their family and consistent pay. As Black people became more educated, they started to look for whitecollar positions that would bring prestige, as well as a solid paycheck. The pursuit of a degree is not a Black thing, however there is now a void that Black people can fill in the labor force if they start to value these positions again.
[ CLE ]
CODE M / JULY 2022 17
[ BUSINESS ]
One educator remarked, “Many of our youth see working at a factory as demeaning. Because society says these positions are not sexy, kids don’t attempt to understand that they can make great money, sooner than later, by applying and learning a trade skill.” Welders, for example, can make up to $140,000 a year. Employees working in food production can make over $120,000 in supervisory roles. These salaries match or at least compete with top white-collar positions that require thousands of dollars in education. There is an ugly downside to working in a blue-collar job. The hours can be long. Sometimes, these positions require a 12hour workday. It also might require you to have to work either a second or third shift, which could impact your quality of life depending on if you have a family or not. For anyone looking to pursue a career in an industry that is blue collar, consider your goals, take a look at the progress of the company you are going to work for, and make sure you make a well-informed decision. If you are successful in finding a place to work, you could have a long, healthy, and sustainable employment career. ●
The current job market offers many options for blue-collar workers.
Blue-collar employees enjoy faster earnings based on the investment for the position.
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[ CLE ]
Mark Nepo went on his own healing journey in order to write and keep a daily journal.
CODE M / JULY 2022 19
SPORTS
Stallions quarterback, J Mar Smith.
N
ew Orleans Breakers coach Larry Fedora knew what this place represented and, even after losing a playoff game, found words to explain what it meant to him to visit the Hall.
"It was a surreal experience, actually," Fedora said. "We spent probably three hours in there, and I could have spent another 12." Seeing Super Bowl rings on display, a statue of Jim Thorpe, the many jewel boxes of John Madden’s eponymous video game, and the legends of my youth as young men was as fulfilling to me as it was Birmingham Stallions receiver Victor Bolden. "Just to get the opportunity to witness greatness and be around greatness at the top of the mountaintop when it comes to football as well," he said. "That's the goal everybody's trying to get to, so it
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was inspiring." Walking through the Hall, with its jerseys, mementos and titans of this 102-year-old vocation, I stopped just before the exhibit showcasing members of the Black College Football Hall of Fame and peeked behind a blue curtain. I saw Kyle Sloter’s Breakers jersey celebrating how he and New Orleans won the first best-of-three overtime format in pro football history — Sloter sprinted into the end zone from a couple of yards away to beat Michigan 31-27 in Birmingham, Alabama. Next to that was Bryan Scott’s Philadelphia Stars jersey, which celebrated the Stars becoming the first team to complete a 3-point extra-point try. Up 27-23 against the Pittsburgh Maulers, Scott threw a short pass into the flat
[ SPORTS ]
USFL
CHAMPIONSHIP
GAME: HALL OF FAME IS IDEAL PLACE FOR FINALE CANTON, Ohio — Abutting the Pro Football Hall of Fame, where dreams of football immortality are realized with a gold jacket, a bronze bust and a promise to never forget, two teams left standing in the inaugural season of the United States Football League will reach for a dream of their own. By RJ Young FOX Sports College Football Writer
to running back Matt Colburn to extend their lead to seven in a game they’d go on to win. After finding out that the ball used was heading to the Hall, Stars coach Bart Andrus wondered if he might be allowed to sign it. "That’s the only way I’m getting in there," he said. I was fortunate to be in the press box for both of these events in Birmingham, and it fills me with such joy to know what those men accomplished will be enshrined. Not just for them but for the 400 players, coaches and administrators who willed this season into being as it moves toward a conclusion. I believe the Pro Football Hall of Fame is for them. It’s for players who slipped through the cracks due to injury, roster management or sheer bad luck.
It’s for Jordan Moore, a linebacker at Philadelphia who gave up being an All-American 110-meter hurdler so he could pursue this dream of playing professional football. It’s for J’Mar Smith, who believed his professional football career was over forever and had begun working as a high school football coach when Skip Holtz, his college coach, called him and asked him to play quarterback for him once again — this time as a Birmingham Stallion. It’s for New Jersey Generals quarterback Luis Perez, who taught himself to play quarterback, in part by watching YouTube clips and biding his time at junior college in California for the chance to play the position for real. It’s for Generals running back Darius Victor, the league's Offensive Player of the Year, whose family fled a war-torn Liberia so they might have a chance at a better life. CODE M / JULY 2022 23
[ CLE ]
24 JULY 2022 / CODE M
[ HEALTH ] It’s for Scooby Wright, who put together one of the best years by a linebacker in the history of the sport and never fully got a chance to lead a professional defense. It’s for Wright’s dad and grandfather, both named Phillip, who sat next to me on the shuttle to the airport, broadly smiling about how their namesake had played and immediately wanting to talk ball with me. It’s for the family of Breakers corner back Vontae Diggs, who wore matching blue T-shirts to the South Division Final, walked out well past midnight and took up the conversation about what playing in the USFL might do for Diggs’ career. Diggs, who was once homeless, has since played in five different leagues and is hoping for one more chance in the NFL. Enshrinement in the Hall of Fame is for the greatest among us. But the USFL is for the relentless among us. On Sunday, the USFL will crown a champ. And I am living on watching the Stars and Stallions finish what they started. These men showed up to an empty stadium in Birmingham chasing a dream many of them thought was gone. And here they are in Canton, Ohio, with a chance to finish what they started in the shadow of the place that houses the greats. It'd be unfair to say these men chose to fight back, because they never stopped fighting. And I live for that. ● RJ Young is a national college football writer and analyst for FOX Sports and the host of the podcast "The No. 1 Ranked Show with RJ Young." Follow him on Twitter at @RJ_Young and subscribe to "The RJ Young Show" on YouTube. He is not on a StepMill.
Cover and inside photo taken by Mychel Lilly.
CODE M / JULY 2022 25
MOVIE
REVIEW HEALT
FILM REVIEW
Tom Cruise reprises his role in one of the most memorable films ever made about planes, love, and forgiveness in one movie. By Bolling Smith
T
o understand the anticipation of Top Gun: Maverick, one needs to learn why the first film, Top Gun, was such a cinematic triumph. The original film was made in 1986 when the American military was all over the place.
There were military plane movies made before Top Gun, but nothing delivered the kinds of images that this film did. The film was a breakout role for Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, and Kelly McGillis. Cruise’s performance in Top Gun was amazing and his supporting cast shone as well. But somehow, they all were overshadowed by the incredible F-14 Tomcat. The F-14 Tomcat was the dominant plane flown by the US Navy
26 JULY 2022 / CODE M
starting in 1970 was special because it used a sweeping-wing design to fly. Because of its wings, the plane could be used as a fighter and bomber if necessary. In 2022, the star of the show is the US Navy F-18 Super Hornet. Equally as special and as deadly at the same time. Top Gun: Maverick continues the tradition of delivery amazing performances by both the plane itself, and the actors in the film. The plot thickens as we learn that Pete Mitchell, played by Cruise, must take over a crew of Top Gun pilots led by his former RIO (radar intercept officer) Goose, played by Anthony Edwards, son, Bradley Bradshaw, played by Miles Teller. We learn that Mitchell holds Bradshaw back from entering the academy by four years because he felt like Bradshaw was not ready to become a pilot. The movie goes on to show how the two deal with their conflict while training for a special mission that could kill anyone who attempts it. The film scores again with great music, amazing images, and a compelling storyline that delivers on the promise that the sequel was going to be as good as the original. ●
[ HEALTH ]
CODE M / JULY 2022 27
COVER
BLACKS
MUST
EMBRACE THE
2
ND
AMENDMENT
I
t’s confusing to understand what is happening. Are we witnessing more gun violence because it is being filmed, or are we experiencing more gun violence because people have become more violent? Whatever the answer, the solutions to dealing with the increased threat to Black people must be addressed. The idea of having to duck under a table is becoming the increasing norm when I enter certain places. I never sit with my back to the main entrance, and I make sure to identify all the exits in
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From grocery shopping to church, to police brutality, and Black on Black crime, Blacks are being gunned down in so many alarming ways that they have no choice but to look at personal protection. The question is, will it make it worse or better by carrying a firearm?
Written by BRAD BOWLING Brad Bowling is the President of CODE Media Group, LLC. Bowling has his BA in mass media communication and an MBA in marketing. He contributes articles to the magazine continuing his love for writing.
the business I’m in just in case I need to exit quickly. These are the thoughts that anyone must have when shopping, attending church, or sitting outside at a concert. I wish I could say that the violence is random. But after the recent assaults on Black people doing regular, everyday activities, one must consider the need to carry protection to stop a threat. The thought of not being able to protect the ones I love because I was not prepared is beginning to dominate my mind as summer roles along. I cannot afford to have our lives changed forever just because some nut wants to cause pain to as many people as
[ COVER ]
CODE M / JULY 2022 29
[ COVER ]
30 JULY 2022 / CODE M
[ COVER ] possible.
selves,” Ector said.
“My life was forever changed because I was robbed in my own driveway,” Rick Ector said. “I was staring at a gun in my face and thought, ‘I might get killed over 40 dollars.’”
Ector has been teaching others gun safety for 15 years and understands the anxiety people are facing as they venture out today. Due to his being robbed, he learned gun control and then decided to never be in a vulnerable position where someone could hurt him again.
Rick Ector is a licensed, NRA card-carrying, gun instructor who loves the direction the country is going in when it comes to gun laws. “I am a believer in the second amendment, and I also believe that we all should do everything in our power to protect our-
More Americans died of gun-related injuries in 2020 than in any other year on record, according to recently published statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). That included a record number of gun murders,
Rick Ector has been a firearms instructor for over 15 years.
CODE M / JULY 2021 31
[ COVER ] as well as a near-record number of gun suicides. Despite the increase in such fatalities, the rate of gun deaths — a statistic that accounts for the nation’s growing population — remains below the levels of earlier years. For Black people, the insane ways they are being killed could be curbed with protection. But the idea of getting a gun means there’s an increased risk of something happening to the new gun owner if they don’t get the proper training. “In my opinion owning a gun is like protection of freedom of speech,” Ector explained. “However, having a gun doesn’t give you the right to just go out and shoot people. Those who decide to get a gun will need to take it seriously and make sure that they don’t add to the problem.” Each state is making it easier to get guns. In the State of Ohio, a CCW (Care and Conceal Weapon) is no longer needed. This means that virtually anyone who wants a gun can now get one without having to prove that they were trained, are mentally capable, or sound enough to have a gun. Ohioans can expect to see people
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walking around with a gun on their hip as they go about doing their daily chores. Constitutional carry, the new Ohio gun law, is the chief term gun-rights advocates use to describe the freedom to carry a firearm, openly or concealed, anytime or anyplace, without government licensing, registration, or training. For Black people, what does this mean? Can Blacks expect to see an increase in gun violence towards them? Will Black-onBlack crime increase due to the pure nature of people solving their issues with guns instead of other means? No one can be sure what the changes in the law will mean for everyday life. Based on that uncertainty, Black people will need to be prepared to deal with any situation that comes up. Ohio just passed another law where schoolteachers can carry a firearm. Soft targets all over need to address this new uncertainty to protect the people who frequent their places
[ COVER ]
https://blackbottomkitchen.com/
CODE M / JULY 2022 33
BUSI-
32 JULY 2022 / CODE M
[ COVER ]
of business or worship. “We have a problem in our culture of thinking that people will respect gun-free zones,” Ector said. Gun-free zones are places where no gun is allowed and where typically mass numbers of people visit at the same time. Ector believes that these zones are magnets for people who desire to cause harm to people and want as many dead bodies as possible when they exact their goal of causing harm to a group of people. “I personally think that we need to eliminate gun-free zones,” Ector continued. “Why would we put our most prized possessions, our children, in a place where there is no protection for them.” The school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, the school frequently trained on responding to an active shooter, spent tons of money on school safety, had its own police force to protect the schools, had a policy to keep all doors locked at all times, and still had over 20 children and adults get murdered due to a violent person looking to cause as much damage as possible.
position where that could happen to them,” Ector said. “If we’re going to do anything, we must protect our kids.” Ector saw a need to protect women as well. Ector’s company sponsors an annual event where he teaches women about gun safety so they can protect themselves from any threat that might approach them. Each year, the program trains over 1,000 women about firearms, prepares them to get their gun license, and helps them pick the weapon that best suits their needs. “Every year, we offer women the chance to learn gun safety in a fun, relaxed environment, which helps them get comfortable with holding and operating a gun,” Ector explained. “I saw a need for this, and it has exploded in popularity over the years.” This year, the LAID will hold its 11th Annual Free Women’s Shoot. The event is being held on July 30th and 31st. For more information, visit: https://www.facebook.com/events/3342345547585 Some may consider getting a gun too much, others may agree with the concept. Either way, things have changed forever and how you address them could mean life for death for you. ●
“There is no way that those babies should have been in a
CODE M / JULY 2022 35
LIFE
CELEBRATING
GAY PRIDE The celebration for Gay Pride month was started out of a need to stop the constant harassment the LTGBQ community gets on a consistent basis.
O
n June 12 of this year, 31 members of a white supremacist group traveled from all over the US to Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, with the intent of wreaking chaos at the town’s Pride festival. Coeur d'Alene Police Chief Lee White said, “It is clear to us, based on the gear the individuals had with them … along with paperwork that we seized from them, that they came to riot downtown.” The extremist group was wearing masks, had shields, and their U-Haul truck contained riot gear and a smoke grenade. And people wonder why the LGBTQ+ community feels the need for Gay Pride. What’s interesting is that all the things people hate about the gay community are found within the heterosexual community, but to a much greater degree — yet it seems to be more permissible and forgivable as long as you’re “straight.” Did you know that the US is ranked one of the world’s worst countries for human trafficking,
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Written by DAVID CHRISTEL David has been ghostwriting books for well-known people since 1995. He is also the author of Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be.
that 80 – 90 percent of sex offenders are male (most of them white), and that 95 percent of pedophilia cases are committed by heterosexuals? Perhaps it’s time for straight people to take a look in the mirror. There’s a good deal of purposeful misinformation surrounding the LGBTQ+ community and why they feel they need to have a Pride parade and festival. So, let’s try to shed some light on the subject.
There are a lot of people who don’t understand the real
[ LIFE ] reason for Gay Pride. For many, it’s an opportunity to party and celebrate all things gay. Some people take great offense at this, and their reaction is to try and close down the LGBTQ+ community, to ban Pride parades, and even go so far as to declare the need for “Straight Pride.” Put simply, they’re missing the point. Gay Pride was called into being out of a need to no longer be put down, suppressed by those afraid of gay people, denied civil rights, and damned by religionists caught up in their maniacal self -righteousness. For so many years, gay people have been hated, discriminated against, and even tortured and killed just for being who they are.
So “Pride” is about having survived — and continues to survive — an unending onslaught of negativity, scorn, vitriol, bullying, loathing, scapegoating, disenfranchisement, and ex-communication. It’s about: •
tuning out the voices telling you that you’re bad, a sinner, and evil;
•
seeing yourself as worthy and deserving of all things good, that you are a Divine spark of God; and
•
celebrating your very existence and all the good you bring to humanity …
… despite the myopic haters, the misinformed ignorant and fearful, and the fear-mongering opportunists of every stripe who will say anything, even if it’s an outright lie and bears false witness against another. The first Pride parades were held in 1970 following the 1969 Stonewall riots in NYC and were a mixture of protest against mistreatment by the police, unfair judicial practices, lack of civil rights and protections, liberation from societal oppression, and celebrating gay identity. Since then, Pride is observed with parades and festivals around the world and in the US, June has been designated as Gay Pride month.
What many people fail to understand is that they’ve been led astray by those who are 1) afraid of gay people for whatever reasons, 2) those who adhere to ancient writings based on the personal dislikes and insecurities of the authors and not on the truth, and 3) those seeking power, control, fame, and the ego-based need to be right and superior. You can always rely on human beings to resort to rationalizations and bald-faced deceit in order to avoid dealing with the truth and their insecurities and fears. And hate appeals to the lowest level of consciousness because fear is its fundamental driver. What we’re seeing today in the US and elsewhere is the same old story being played out — and yet gay people still exist and thrive. They’re not “grooming” anyone, but they are informing, unlike so many straight people who are unable to see their own grooming efforts as they work to instill a white supremacist mindset, promote religious intolerance and ignorance, and advocate a white-washed history of the US so white children aren’t made to feel uncomfortable — though it seems to be okay to continually subject Black, Hispanic, and Asian children to racism and LGBTQ+ children and adults to bullying and discrimination. Speaking of children, there is one other aspect of discrimination that the gay community is subjected to: family values. The one-dimensionality of “family values” exists in a B&W world whereas the rest of the world is in full technicolor.
Gay pride gives couples the opportunity to celebrate their status without ridicule or harassment.
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[ BUSINESS ]
The Phenomenal Food brand was started in 2019.
[ LIFE ] What “family values” adherents are blind to is the fact that they aren’t the end-all-and-be-all moral model of what constitutes a family, especially if it’s based on religion. Do a search on Google to find out just how moral the “family values” people are. They’re rife with all the moral bankruptcy they allege the gay community has. They’re really good at throwing stones (despite what the Bible says about that). As was said earlier, it seems to be more permissible and forgivable as long as you’re “straight” and a member of an approved religion. The point is that all families experience challenges, but gay families have it worse for one reason: the “family values” people purposely make life worse for gay families with their judgmentalism, discrimination, divisiveness, and intolerance — instead of leaving them alone.
It’s been said a million times by many people: We need to celebrate our uniqueness, not try to turn everyone into lemmings just so we can feel comfortable. Life is enlarged and enriched by diversity; uniformity shrinks and impoverishes the mind and spirit. So many of the world’s amazing creations have come from people who were considered different and outsiders: nerds, geniuses, savants, people with disabilities, artists, visionaries, and immigrants, as well as gay people. So, Gay Pride? Until the day arrives when LGBTQ+ people are no longer targets of other people’s hate and ignorance, then, yes, we need Gay Pride. Oh, and here are two versions of what PRIDE can mean — not just for the gay community but for anyone:
And, FYI, judgmentalism, discrimination, divisiveness, and intolerance exist within the gay community. The fact is humans are humans no matter what their ethnicity, religion, education, gender, age, or sexual preference. And as much as many people don’t want to admit it, we are the same, yet unique.
Perseverance, Respect, Integrity, Discipline, and Excellence People Respecting Individuality, Diversity, and Equality ●
Mentoring can help save lives in the Black community for those that need the help. Trayvon Martin was murdered by someone who was biased against young Black males.
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[ LIFE ]
WHY IT FEELS LIKE 1964 If you pay close attention to what is going on, the laws of The United States are reversing. If we are not careful we could be using separate bathrooms again. By David Christel
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hy 1964? That was the year the Civil Rights Act was signed into law by President Lyndon B. Johnson making it illegal to discriminate against someone based on their race, religion, sex, national origin, or the color of their skin. It also made segregation in public places illegal, enforced the desegregation of schools, and addressed unfair and unequal access to voting and voter registration. It was a red-letter day for African Americans, Native Americans, Latinos, Asians, and women. Additionally, Martin Luther King, Jr., at only age 35, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in leading the non-violent resistance against racial prejudice and segregation in the United States. Now, 58 years later, we’re watching our country slide back to the time before 1964 as civil rights are being purposely eviscerated, voting rights are being eroded, and political gerrymandering is being blatantly used as a power grab to ensure Republicans win Congress and the Presidency again. And it’s amazing the players involved who are pushing us to move into an authoritarian, ultra-conservative, white supremacist rule, and one-religion nation: Black people in positions of power and influence.
One Black politician believes women should not be in posi-
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tions of power, that women are to be led by men, and that Black people should not watch movies made by Jews. He also denies that systemic racism exists in America, denies climate change, owns AR-15s, and calls LGBTQ people “filth.” Another Black politician running for office believes all LGBTQ allies should be executed. Then there are the Black pastors urging their congregations to vote for white politicians — some who are white supremacists — simply because they are, allegedly, “Christians” who support “Christian values” — and if they’ve sinned, then God forgives them. Some of these pastors are so virulently antiLGBTQ that they’re calling for all gay people to be lined up and shot. They also believe that killing pro-abortionists and
[ LIFE ] of segregation, second class citizens, and, ultimately, white male dominance in all things. There is only one reason why people are regressing into this old mentality: fear. That fear has become so intense that there are people who feel their only recourse is to destroy what they don’t understand, to kill what is different, to suppress or crush what disturbs their comfort zones. Fundamentally, it’s about people denying the existence of what is more advanced emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and consciously than they are. And that’s the core it: consciousness, or the lack thereof.
The rhetoric surrounding this fear isn’t based on sound reasoning, isn’t based on facts and truth, isn’t based on universal principles and wisdom. It’s based on the irrational emotionality of survivalism and the potential of losing something. What people are doing is automatically resorting to fight, flight, or freeze — none of which involve critical thinking skills or a higher level of consciousness. Let’s talk about consciousness for a minute. What exactly is it? Basically, it’s being aware of one’s own existence in relation to one’s feelings, sensations, thoughts, surroundings, and those of others. As you might expect, there are a multitude of levels of consciousness ranging from the reptilian brain to those we consider spiritual giants. What we’re seeing a lot of now is the lowest level of consciousness: extreme selfishness and self-centeredness, quick aggression and defensiveness (even to the extreme), rejection of intelligence, lack of consideration and compassion, lack of respect and integrity, fear of who and what is different, division and segregation, tribalism, authoritarianism, a sheep/follower mentality, reverting to old ways, vigibombing abortion clinics is sanctioned by God. This is how emotionally and psychologically off-the-rails people have become. All of this is extremely confusing, contradictory, inflammatory, and duplicitous. None of it makes sense. It really brings to mind the idiom “shooting yourself in the foot.” But let’s not forget the millions of white Americans vehemently striving to return to the days
Black Americans feel like things are returning to a time when they had to fight for their freedom.
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[ LIFE ] lantism, book burning, suppression of rights, elevation of self/ group over others for personal gain, and the jettisoning of truth. Along with this, people are just plain making up stuff in order to assuage or avoid their personal fears, to achieve power and control over others, to gain fame, and to win. The winning is at any cost, no matter what lies are told, whether one bears false witness, what conspiracies are concocted, or if illegalities are involved.
to fear but fear itself.” Yet here we find ourselves mired deep in fear, fighting and killing each other, willing to subjugate others, desiring to return to a time of repressing anyone who doesn’t fit within our rubric. It’s appalling how morally bankrupt we’ve become as a nation — all for money, fame, power, control, status, and ownership. It seems we’re headed toward a rehash of everything this nation fought so dearly to abolish. “Civilization is the process of setting man free from men.”
Let’s talk about consciousness for a minute. What exactly is it? Basically, it’s being aware of one’s own existence in relation to one’s feelings, sensations, thoughts, surroundings, and those of others. Fear is driving it all: fear of being cancelled, fear of being replaced, fear of beliefs and lifestyles different than one’s own, fear of being held responsible and accountable, fear of history and facts, and fear of the truth being found out. All of that and more is driving us to backslide prior to 1964. One white politician recently said, “Hitler is the kind of leader we need today.” The question is: Why are some Black people supporting people who are stridently working to suppress African Americans again? It’s as though we’ve forgotten what World War II was about, what the Civil Rights Movement was about, women’s suffrage, the fact that our country was founded on religious freedom and the right to create one’s own destiny — life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
– Ayn Rand The Fountainhead So, let’s instead do what we can to uplift, to celebrate, to honor and respect each other. Let’s pull ourselves out of the muck of fear, take a step back and remember who we truly are: divine sparks of the Divine Itself seeking to add the highest value to all people at all times and in all endeavors. It’s not about ego and focusing only on “What’s in it for me?” but asking, “How can I be of service to you?” It’s about lifting all boats, enhancing, expanding, and moving onward and upward on the spiral of consciousness. Truly, there’s everything to gain and nothing to lose but our fear. ●
President Franklin D. Roosevelt famously said, “We have nothing
Students protesting together helped Blacks gain their civil rights.
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[ LIFE ]
FINDING LONG-DISTANCE LOVE Long-distance relationships help increase the bond that goes beyond the physical relationship because you have more time to talk to each other and develop a meaning bond. The tricky part is finding a way to spend meaningful time together. by Brad Bowling
F
or anyone single, you know how hard it is to find the right person to date or marry. If you’re the kind of person who limits who you date based on race, income, height, appearance or phone (yes, iPhone users tend to be biased), then your chances of finding love are extremely difficult. For those who are willing to take a risk, long-distance love is an option to find the right person. The landscape for dating has changed so much in the past two years. The pandemic forced anyone who is seeking a match to go online. Dating apps allow you to search in your local area or across the country. This means that your next lover could be two hours away. How you navigate this long-distance relationship (LDR) could determine your success or failure. Here are the dos and don’ts for dating outside of your zip code. SET THE TONE EARLY If you understand that LDRs can be hard, you can create the right scenario to eliminate the hardest parts about dating
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someone who lives far away. Fifty-eight percent of longdistance relationships last, mostly because of great planning and setting appropriate expectations. One of the most important aspects of dating in a LDR is to define expectations early on, by discussing the desired outcome. Plan to meet as much as possible and determine when you or the other person will relocate. This can help with building a future life together, as well as set the end date for when the couple will no longer live apart from each other. HEALTHY COMMUNICATION It’s important to maintain a communication level that allows the relationship to grow. However, couples do not necessarily need to communicate daily in order to maintain a bond. Some experts on the matter think too much communication might be a bad thing because it might not leave room for the buildup of wanting to see your new love in person.
So, create a healthy communication level to keep you con-
[ LIFE ]
nected to the person while you’re apart, but at the same time, let enough craving build toward seeing them in person. You and your partner will understand how much is too much or not enough as you define your relationship. BE TRANSPARENT
Trust in a LDR is critical to its success. Transparency is important because couples need to feel secure that their mate is not playing games, hiding an ugly truth, or living a double life. Communicating feelings, location, daily goals and tasks, and feelings are all increased when in an LDR. When dating someone local, couples can make decisions based on non-verbal behavior and just by being in the presence of the person they’re dating. They also have a chance to see their partner interact with others and they can make decisions based on those actions. LDR couples must make the most out of their interactions with the person they are dating, which requires more transparency and patience when trying to decide if this person is the one.
DON’T TRUST SOCIAL MEDIA We all have stalked the person we’re dating by going into their social media accounts to see who they’re communicating with, what pics they like, and who they “friend.” This can lead to anxiety and misinformation if you take it too far. Because social media is online and doesn’t paint a real picture of what someone is doing or how they feel, it’s best to not linger on your lover’s social media accounts. Healthy LDRs consist of maintaining a certain level of honesty and understanding when dealing with situations that might make someone feel vulnerable. Distance, lack of touch, and intimacy are all factors when considering if you can manage an LDR. If you feel like you need a certain amount of intimacy, you might not want to enter into an LDR. PLAN FREQUENT VISITS
LDRs can frustrate anyone who is in one. Planning frequent CODE M / JULY 2022 45
[ LIFE ] ver the last thirty years, Black women have risen to become some of the most powerful people on the professional landscape. Their accomplishments, across all sectors of business, are nothing short of pure determination. Today, Black women represent some of the largest corporations and lead some of the best organizations in the country. Her incredible success is happening despite the American corporate landscape being the worst for Black women. Based on McKinsey & Company’s “Annual Women in the Workplace” study, 49 percent of Black women feel that their race or ethnicity will make it harder for them to get a raise, promotion, or chance to get ahead compared to just 3 percent of white women and 11 percent of women overall. Despite obstacles in the workplace, Black women are excelling in numbers never seen before. And while those business accomplishments are good, Black women still struggle to find qualified Black men to date to complete the goal of having it all. There are many factors involved when discussing the problem of dating for Black women. Let’s examine several factors that impact finding success in the romance department. A HIGHER IQ MEANS FEWER OPTIONS Black women who benefit from high IQs struggle to find suitable Black mates. Black men with high IQs will date down to find love. Men often have other factors for dating than intel-
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[ LIFE ] trips can reduce the frustration to see your partner if you know when you are going to see them next. It’s important to schedule as much time together, when possible, so the relationship can build based on both communication and time spent together. Balanced visits are great for couples who decide to take turns visiting each other. This gives the couple an opportunity to spend time in each other’s space, which increases confidence in the relationship. It also helps when planning the endgame where one or the other is going to move so the relationship ends in the same place.
make sure that the results of maintaining an LDR leads to the couple being together. Many single people who are searching for the perfect match are willing to travel beyond their geographical location to find love. Understanding the compromises that have to be made to make an LDR work could mean the difference in having success or not. Either way, the goal is to explore all your options, find the love of your life, and go and be happy. Happy hunting! ●
DEVELOP A TIMETABLE TO LIVE IN THE SAME PLACE One of the most important discussions people in LDRs need to have is how they’re going to consolidate the relationship into one place and space. Who is moving? When is that going to happen? Who is making the bigger sacrifice? There is no way that both partners can win when deciding to live together physically. Compromise is a necessity. One is going to have to give up time spent at their own location. Maybe moving from family might be a factor and certainly careers might be affected and sacrificed so the couple can be together. These things need to be discussed early and often to
Photographers spend most of their profession taking pictures of other people. Anthony Kirby felt it was time to praise one man who made a difference behind the lens of his camera.
Written by ANTHONY KIRBY Anthony T. Kirby is the Lifestyle Editor for CODE M Magazine and has spent over 30 years in the menswear industry. He lives in Philadelphia, PA where he is the Creative Director for FINICKEY, an online men's haberdashery brand. (https://finickey.us)
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[ LIFE ]
RECOVERING FROM A SUICIDE DEATH Part II of a series on Suicide prevention and how to recover from the loss of a loved one. by David Christel
I
In Part 2 of this 2-part series, the focus is on those who are left behind, the people who must live with a person’s suicide the rest of their lives. As was stated in Part 1, we’re left pondering why a family member, friend, colleague, or well-known person chose death over life.
The pain of losing someone to suicide is compounded by wondering “what if we’d known soon enough … what if we’d seen the signs … what if we could have helped in some way?” Sadly, we’ll never know the answers to those questions. Somehow, though, we need to come to terms with the fact that the person committed suicide, that they’re gone forever, and that we must go on with our lives without them. Essentially, we factored in an event we had no power to avert. Living with a person’s permanent absence in our lives either by their suicide or other circumstances is not something we’re prepared for. It’s a shock to our entire system that leaves a gaping hole in our sense of reality. It makes us question the meaning of life, question why God didn’t step in help the person, and question whether the person who committed suicide was acting out of utter hopelessness or pure selfishness.
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We also contemplate uncomfortable subjects like death and our own mortality, and whether we’ll succumb to suicidal thoughts, too. Most of us, though, continue on, somehow dealing with our struggles, disappointments, frustrations, anger, confusion, insecurities, and heartaches. But coming to terms with someone’s suicide requires more than just “coping with it.” There are several emotional responses we need to acknowledge and face concerning suicide: loneliness, abandonment, grief, helplessness, fear, and longing. •
Loneliness – We all experience times of loneliness throughout our lives, something that occurs for any number of reasons and to varying degrees. Our own feelings of loneliness, however great or small, will often surface when we consider the feelings of loneliness the person we just lost may have experienced. That compounds the sadness we feel about the person’s suicide.
•
Abandonment – We may even feel abandoned by the person who committed suicide, left to fend for our-
[ LIFE ]
selves in all respects. When someone purposely leaves, we may feel they’re leaving us, which will bring up feelings of rejection, that we’re not good enough or worthy, or not capable enough to sustain and support a relationship with that person. •
Grief – Losing someone suddenly to suicide can cause deep and even debilitating grief. The loss creates a hole in our hearts, our entire being. We may have regrets about our relationship
can arise within us. We could begin worrying about our own thoughts of suicide, develop anxiety about other people possibly taking their lives, and, depending on our religious beliefs, fear for another’s and our own soul in eternity. •
Longing – Death elicits some of our most profound questions about life — and we long for answers that
“Living with a person’s permanent absence in our lives either by their suicide or other circumstances is not something we’re prepared for.” with that person, the last interaction we had with them, or we could be dealing with the loss of the love of our life. Whatever the situation, the pain will be real. •
•
Helplessness – Suicide is a situation wherein we very possibly had no inkling concerning the person’s state of mind, they chose not to reach out to us for help, or we were unable to help them if they did reach out to us. Essentially, they rendered us powerless to avert their suicide and we’re left bereft knowing that there was nothing we could do. We may experience tremendous anger at the person, other people, and even God. Let that anger out, work with a therapist or support group to help you sort through all of your feelings and learn ways in which to resolve them. Fear – When a person has committed suicide, all sorts of fears
will give us solace, peace, and a sense of security. Withholding our feelings in order to appear strong, to deflect and avoid our sorrow, or to gloss over them with religious or spiritual platitudes can be just as deadly as suppressing anger over time. Letting in our feelings and expressing them appropriately is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves and those around us. It’s not an admission of weakness, it’s recognizing our humanness, our true being, and our connection with others.
A person’s suicide will stay with us for the rest of our lives. To aid in our own healing, we need to accept that we can’t always save the ones we love and accept that we may never have the answers we seek concerning the loved one’s suicide. What is very helpful is to work with
If someone you love mentions suicide, you must take them seriously and get them the help they need.
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a therapist who specializes in grief counseling and there are support groups, which help us realize we’re not alone in this shared experience. Finally, and most importantly, forgive yourself and the person who committed suicide. It truly is not your fault. The decision they made was their own, no one else’s. And if you’re feeling shame, let that go also. The individual you lost was in deep pain and distress and felt they had no other recourse but to leave for good. Don’t judge them, just continue to love them with a compassionate heart. One thing you can do is have a conversation with the person you’ve lost, either by writing a letter to them or sitting quietly and talking with them. Let them know how you feel, explore those feelings with them, let yourself grieve and cry with them. This will help immensely in your process of forgiving them and yourself, letting them go, accepting the fact that they are gone, and that you’ll never know the complete picture concerning their suicide. Finally, celebrate the person you lost. Remember what you liked, loved, and appreciated about them. Let their passing encourage you to truly be present to your own life, to find inspiration in your being. ●
• For a complete list of suicide warning signs, go to suicide.org.
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FASHSHARP DRESSED MEN There is nothing like seeing strong, confident men look good in fine clothing. These men are seasoned, mature veterans of fashion with a taste of class as well. Written by LARON HARLEM
A wardrobe shopper, stylist and accessories designer who specializes in dapper looks that truly appeal to the most discerning eye. emailto:styledbydecar-lo@gmail.com, https://www.styledbydecarlo.com/
Age 51: Mike Berry I am 51 years old. I am an author, filmmaker, motivational speaker and fitness enthusiast. I enjoy movies and intellectual conversation. I also enjoy helping others tap into their potential.
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[ FASHION ]
Age 51: ANDRE PAGE Fitness: I'm an avid distance runner (half and marathons) and during non-training times I'm running about 15-20 miles per week. Training seasons, I'm usually running up to 45-50 miles per week. Diet: I usually eat twice per day using an intermittent routine, with my first meal around 11am and last meal of the day around 7pm. This gives my body time to digest for 12-16 hours. I detox once per week and take probiotics to promote good gut health and MCT oils in my daily coffee to also promote good digestion.
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[ FASHION ]
[ FASHION ]
Age 58: Brian Walker At my age, I really try to concentrate on weight training. A good scheduled mix of body parts worked. It's important that we work our abs intelligently. The core of the body is immensely important. I think that when you load the bones, or when you put force against your bones (aka weight lifting) your bones become more dense therefore more strengthened. Much better for your Musculo skeletal health. Muscle tone is important. It's actually "muscle readiness." When your muscles are ready, you're ready for fight or flight. Physically speaking: a good healthy lifestyle and a sensible diet. More protein than fat. Get your vegies, and I take a few supplements. Drink all the water you need in a day then add 2 glasses. Very limited on soft drinks and fast food. That stuff will kill you. Get plenty rest. Have fun, get sharp from time to time and have fun.
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