CODE M Magazine 2023 October Issue by CODE M Magazine

TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN

STRIKING WHILE THE IRON IS HOT

DR. BENJAMIN CHAVIS, JR. IS DELIVERING

THE GOOD NEWS THEY DON’T THINK WE FEEL PAIN SUBSCRIBE HERE

GETTING OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE

+ FALL COLORS AND COATS OCTOBER 2023 ISSUE

[ LIFE ]

44 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ]

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 45

[ CLE ]

22 OCTOBER2023 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ]

INSIDE

57 AGE AIN’T NOTHING BUT A NUMBER A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues, but more and more couples are trying it due to the ever-changing dating world.

ON THE COVER

44 THEY DON’T THINK WE FEEL PAIN

THE GOOD NEWS

14 MAN CODES

Living legend Dr. Benjamin Chavis, Jr. launches his new radio broadcast in October to offer a daily dose of

Networking.

inspiration and empowerment, fostering a brighter outlook on the world. 12 MOVERS AND SHAKERS Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!

6 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

16 STEAMING INTO THE FUTURE Roman Sudan Montagueo, a multimedia producer of animation, games, and music loves to give back to his communities using STEAM to change lives and futures. 18 GETTING OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE Good guys all over the country are sitting in the friend zone with a woman that they would date. Use these tactics to escape the zone and find a woman who appreciates you.

For centuries, Blacks have been tortured and experimented on by the medical profession because it was assumed that they feel less pain than whites. Today, this theory is putting Blacks at risk when they visit their white doctors.

50 HOLIDAY FITNESS MAINTENANCE MINDSET With the holidays coming, it’s more important than ever to create and maintain a good fitness routine designed to keep you fit throughout the season.

60 THE DIFFERENCE IS PERSISTENCE Persistence is the key to creating the life you know you deserve. Take the leap of faith and never give up on yourself.

CODE M / OCTOBER2023 7

[ INSIDE ] 62 HONEY BXBY OFFERS FLAVOR FOR YOUR EARS

30 WHY BLACK LOVE IS SO DANG HARD Licensed marriage and family therapist, Chris Matthews, discusses the state of Black marriage and how Blacks need to come together to create more opportunities to fall in love.

4 OCTOBER2023 / CODE M

New Jersey born Honey Bxby breaks on to the scene with a fresh musical perspective that feels historic and current at the same time. 64 THE RIGHT BOW

With fall colors come warm coats. Fashion takes on a whole new look when the goal is to stay sexy and warm at the same time.

ADVERTISE WITH CODE M Blacks influence the latest trends of popular culture, fashion, and music more than any demographic. Reach them when you advertise with CODE M Magazine. With over 1.4 million viewers monthly, we have your audience. Call 216-273-9400 to request a rate kit.

TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN

ENGINEER RADIO/PODCAST Imari Hill

PUBLISHER Bilal S. Akram

SOCIAL MEDIA Rachel Woods

PRESIDENT Brad J. Bowling SENIOR ADVISOR Alexandria Johnson Boone MANAGING EDITOR David Christel CHIEF OF STAFF Anita G. Butler PAGE EDITORS Anthony Kirby-Lifestyles Laron Harlem-Fashion Paris Lampkins-Movers & Shakers GRAPHIC DESIGN Stiff Arm Media MEDIA COORDINATOR

Carole Anthony

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES David Williams Kevin Jones IT CONSULTANT Anthony Jones Digital Jetstream, LLC CONTRIBUTING WRITERS David Christel Leslie Logan Brad J. Bowling Garrett Waller Bilal S. Akram Laron Harlem Bolling Smith Chris Matthews Anthony Kirby nce Burnley CODE MEDIA GROUP LLC

EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT

STAFF

To the PUBLISHER

Sharif Akram

Ladonna “Lala” Dicks

Darrell Scott

RADIO/PODCAST HOSTS Darrell Scott Grace Roberts

Subscribe FREE online: www.codemmagazine.com #CODEMAGINTL

To submit comments, feedback or to inquire about advertising please contact us at info@codemediagroupllc.com CEO AND CFO: BILAL AKRAM

bilal.akram@codemediagroupllc.com

216-695-0911

PRESIDENT: BRAD BOWLING

brad.bowling@codemediagroupllc.com

440-796-5763

ADVERTISING: KEVIN JONES

kevin.jones@codemedialgroupllc.com

216-926-3999

CODE M Magazine was created to be a guiding force in creating a dialogue for black men everywhere. Code M focuses on the conversations of advancement, mental health, career choices, the political landscape and relationships that define and shape the lives of black men everywhere.

[ TRAVEL ]

CODE M / OCTOBER2023 9

MOVERS &

SHAKERS

Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!

CHARMAINE D. RICE Charmaine D. Rice is the Senior Vice President for Learning, Development & Diversity at AmTrust Financial Services, Inc. She earned a master's degree from Cleveland State University in Psychology specializing in Diversity Management and Organizational Leadership and a bachelor's degree from Wright State University in Communications specializing in Public Relations. Charmaine believes diversity inspires innovation and fosters sustainable success for individuals, teams, and organizations. In 2019, she co-

12 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

founded the Rekindle Fellowship program with Matt Fieldman bringing leaders from the Black and Jewish communities together for meaningful dialogue and collaborative action. With eighty-eight graduates to date, the program is set off its seventh cohort in September 2023 welcoming another sixteen leaders to the Rekindle community.

[ MOVERS & SHAKERS ]

GEORGE BUKENYA George Bukenya graduated from Case Western Reserve University with an MS in Medical Physiology. Under the mentorship of Dr. Justin Lathia at the Cleveland Clinic, he investigates immunology and drug development in Glioblastoma. He shares his passion for education, medicine, and science with scholars in The Provost Scholars program at CWRU under the mentorship of Dr. Faye Gary. His work has led him to collaborate with the Case Comprehensive Cancer Center, and the Concerned Pastors of East Cleveland to provide monthly Health and Wellness Series to families in Cleveland. While applying to medical school to obtain both his MD and PhD, he hopes to become US Surgeon General, intending to expand quality healthcare and educational resources to local, national, and international communities.

ELIZABETH SEMIDEI Elizabeth Semidei serves as a Development Associate at Esperanza, Inc., a local nonprofit founded to improve the academic achievement of the Hispanic/Latinx community, focusing on fundraising and development. With her strong commitment to her Hispanic heritage and desire to uplift her community, Elizabeth has found her calling in the nonprofit sector. Her creativity and resourcefulness have helped her excel in her role, constantly coming up with innovative ideas to raise funds and support the organization's mission. Elizabeth's friendly and approachable nature allows her to connect with donors and build valuable relationships. She understands the importance of cultivating partnerships and engaging the community to create long-lasting change. Her strong interpersonal skills make her an exceptional advocate for the organization.

RAHIM NICHOLS Rahim Nichols is currently the Director of MAGNET'S Early College Early Career (ECEC) Program. ECEC is a state recognized pre-apprenticeship program designed to place rising high school seniors into manufacturing internships with the goal of obtaining full-time job offers upon program completion, while exposing our young people to new career/college pathways in advanced manufacturing. Born and raised in Shaker Heights, OH and a graduate of Cleveland State University, Rahim has spent the last 15 years working with underserved youth and young adults in a variety of roles. Rahim has a passion for seeing the people of greater Cleveland discover, develop, and expose the internal superpowers each one of us has been gifted.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 13

START

Dr. George C. Fraser

NETWORKING MAN CODES:

Compiled by Bilal S. Akram

"Stop making ‘We’ plans with ‘I’ minded people." Dr. George C. Fraser

works are your contacts, your contacts are your contracts.’” - Kinoti J.C.

“It isn’t just what you know, it’s who you know. It isn’t just what you do, it’s what others are willing to do for you. Your network is your net worth!” - Nicky Verd

“Having someone's contact doesn't guarantee you a relationship with the person.” - Bernard Kelvin Clive

“Everything you want in life is a relationship away.” - Idowu Koyenikan “All business is personal... Make your friends before you need them.” - Robert L. Johnson “It is far easier to make a good first impression than to change a bad one.” - Michelle Tillis Lederman “Networking isn't how many people you know, it's how many people know you.” - Amit Kalantri “It is said, ‘your net-worth is about your Networks, your net-

14 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

“Just be Nice. Nice—this little word has a big meaning. Use it generously. Being nice helps people feel emotionally safe, allowing for more authentic, trusting, and happy interactions.”- Susan C. Young Job 2:11 "When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him." NIV King James Version

CODE M / OCTOBER2023 13

[ START ]

STEAMING INTO THE FUTURE

n today’s distracting social media and tech-heavy world, impacting kids and young people in a way that inspires and empowers them to really do something with their lives is quite the challenge. There are so many variables involved enticing or even compelling them to make decisions that can significantly alter their life trajectory.

“The digital diet of our kids today is on a whole different level, the norm now being hyper-multitasking. Kids are watching TV or YouTube, switch to drawing or doodling, then jump to playing mobile or video games. At my company, how we can

Roman Sudan Montagueo, a multimedia producer of animation, games, and music loves to give back to his communities using STEAM to change lives and futures. Written by DAVID CHRISTEL David has been ghostwriting books for well-known people since 1995. He is also the author of Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be.

change lives is through E-Gaming and Esports 2.0, our gamified learning platform, STEAM Esports.” “At STEAM Your Dreams, we want to engage, inspire, and empower the direction of these young people’s lives,” explained Roman Sudan Montagueo, Executive Director of STEAM Your Dreams nonprofit. “Our intentions are to partner and collaborate with schools, corporations, and community organizations to energize the change agents of tomorrow by designing and building solutions tailored to disadvantaged children around the globe.” That’s a lot to take in. What it entails is providing challenges and opportunities that set young people on a trajectory that not only inspires their creativity but helps them understand that science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) can all work together with the arts and one’s innate creativity to realize their dreams. Roman, a multimedia producer of animation, games, and music loves to give back to his communities, something he learned from his stepfather and pastor, Dr. Lonnie L Wells of Evangelist Temple C.O.G.I.C. “My father, Doc Wells, had such a passion and drive to help his community around the church. I watched him strive to bring out the best in others and participated with in him in food, clothing, and other drives during our community outreach ministries.”

As a young child, Roman discovered he was good at drawing, and imagined that one day he’d design cars for General Motors or one of the big automobile manufactures. But his active mind sought out other ways of “being outside the box.” So, he started drawing some of his favorite TV animation show characters, like the Thundercats. With an uber imagination, this helped him escape his world of growing pains on the Southside of Chicago.

16 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ START ] “We had a teacher at Samuel Gompers Elementary School. He started teaching us about chess and mathematical tricks, tips and hacks. And I was really into the arts. He told us about artists like Monet. We kids wrote. We enjoyed being challenged and being exposed to different things. And I want to bring that to the kids of this era, and make sure I'm doing the best I can to give my gifts back. I want to reach out to kids in under-serviced communities who need exposure and give them experiences with the kind of opportunities I got.”

DCA STRONG

And this is where STEAM Your Dreams and their STEAM Esports program for K-12 comes into play. “From a social impact/ social responsibility standpoint, we’re sparking kids to get interested in STEM careers through e-gaming and esports. Our goal is to let kids know what it takes for them to bring their art to life using today’s multitude of tools. We need them to understand that there are careers available in the $200+ billion video games industry. We coach them that the skills they learn are easily transferable to other career pipelines, such as cybersecurity, marketing, city engineering, the auto industry, artificial intelligence, game design, and more. And it’s more than just STEM. What researchers and educators are realizing is that the creative arts are integral to innovation, development, and personal growth in all fields. Hence, in recent years, STEM expanded to STEAM: science, technology, engineering, the arts, and math. “We’re helping kids see that they can STEAM their dreams,” Roman said. He tells young people his own story of growing up 1 of 9 kids in a single-parent household and little money. One day, when he was 11 years old, his appendix burst, and he ended up in the emergency room of the hospital. While recuperating, he realized that “One day I was doing great and now I’m skinny as all heck from losing so much weight from surgery.” He began wondering about his purpose and what he was doing with his life — at age 11.

What he realized is that he needed to capitalize on his innate gifts. Long story short, he built a corporate career based on his talents and interests. For twenty years, he worked at Mindset Creative Solutions where his focus was creating digital stories and assets via film, animation, and prototype development. Then, in 2019 he launched his own company, Creative Mindset Productions, that allows him and his team to incorporate the arts and technology through the vehicle of storytelling.

“I like to express feelings and emotionally connect music and new technologies. Kids and adults alike love storylines. That was the secret sauce of Walt Disney, how he was able to build his empire. You don’t have to get locked into the hood or other negative circumstances. Art can give you escape velocity. Using your imagination, creativity, and the power of observation to empathetically design solutions is not only a gift and talent, it’s a way to build a better future.

“Art is the center of everything we do in this universe. You have to design and create the world you desire. Be a problem solver. Once you have brainstormed and designed solutions to your challenges, you’ll need to know how to use science to experiment and prototype, technology to innovate, engineering to build it, and math so you can budget and count all the money you can make (he smiles). Unlock the art of the possible to jump over the impossible.”

Through STEAM Your Dreams’ highly engaging and innovative STEAM Esports program, Roman wants to open up worlds of possibility for young people. “The e-games are designed and infused with tutoring videos and materials, as well as a quiz and an answer trivia engine that we can upload assessments on curriculum in math, science, reading, or anything we want.” Roman believes that we’re supposed to be giving back through our all-encompassing cosmic energy, and the gifts and talents we have. The idea is to share what we are, build community, and then innovate to expand our capabilities to fix problems that the human race has created. Roman finds that through immersive storytelling and the work done at Mindset Creative Solutions and STEAM Your Dreams, they are helping to build community. In the process, people discover they have a lot of similarities with a guy in France, a girl in Australia — people from diverse backgrounds all over the world. He and his team want young people building community, to feel that they’re part of a tribe. “We want young people to be able to see that the world we’re in is more connected and interconnected than ever before. We truly live in symbiotic relationship. They’re here for a distinct and unique reason, an integral part of the planet’s biodiversity — not just for themselves. There’s a greater purpose to it all. And their gifts and talents are meant to be used for the world for the better.” ●

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 17

LIFE

GETTING OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE

18 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

Good guys all over the country are sitting in the friend zone with a woman that they would date. Use these tactics to escape the zone and find a woman who appreciates you.

Written by ANTHONY KIRBY Anthony T. Kirby is the Lifestyle Editor for CODE M Magazine and has spent over 30 years in the menswear industry. He lives in Philadelphia, PA where he is the Creative Director for FINICKEY, an online men's haberdashery brand. (https:// finickey.us)

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 19

[ LIFE]

Blacks are being denied the right to vote all over the country.

20 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

he old saying that nice guys finish last has never been truer in today’s dating climate. Women have never been clearer about what they prefer with the choices they make in who they date. And the clear winner is not the good guy.

For the good guys, dating in 2023 is a no-win situation. Opening the door, pulling out the chair, and walking on the outside of the street when strolling are no longer seen as acts of chivalry. Prince Charming is dead, and feminism killed him. “If a guy opened my door or treated me like a queen, I don’t even know if I would recognize it,” Tanisha of Fredericksburg, Virginia said. “I was not raised to expect that kind of treatment and would be shocked if I got it.” That clearly defines the problem men are encountering today when trying to treat the modern-day woman like a queen. Recognition of good-guy behavior is, quite often, not acknowledged by women because they don’t see it. If they do see it, it’s not appreciated as a quality they desire. Quite often, positive behavior is seen as an act of weakness, thus throwing the man in the friend zone. “I have tried to be nice to women when I date them, but it keeps putting me in the friend zone and I don’t know what to do,” Charles, from Las Vegas, said. “I notice that the women I like, do not like me and then I see them dating knuckleheads which confuses me.”

you are the kind of person who likes to treat a woman well, here are some tips on how to get out of the friend zone. LEVEL UP One of the best ways to stay out of the friend zone is to increase your value. Take a break from trying to date and get in shape. Work on your income. Advance your wardrobe and create more value for yourself. The better man you become, the higher quality woman you will attract. It’s very hard to chase women and money at the same time. Choose to create more revenue for yourself so that when you do find the right woman, you can afford to date her. Often, men will not be able to attract the woman they want because they haven’t elevated to the right level, thus attracting a lower quality woman who doesn’t see their value. BECOME UNAVAILABLE Men who are thrown into the friend zone often will make the mistake of being too available. This creates a situation where they are now offering friend-type access to themselves, which allows the woman to only see them as a friend. For you, go several days without being available. Don’t offer any friendship -type services for the woman you’re attracted to. Rides, money, advice, and dating as “friends” create a losing battle for the man. Make sure you establish that you’re not seeking friendship, but looking to be more than friends. If that advance is not accepted

Women tend to choose the person who excites them. Chivalry is boring by today’s standards. If

The national symbol for you are in the friend zone.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 21

[ LIFE ] by the woman, move on from the relationship. Men need to practice setting boundaries for their time, money, and energy if they are going to become attractive to the opposite sex. BECOME MORE SELECTIVE One of the best ways to reduce being placed in the friend zone is to become more selective about the type of woman you’re attracted to. Men are visual people and most often are attracted to beautiful women. But this can create a situation where men are picking the wrong type of woman. Men need to create a standard of values that they covet in a woman. After they determine what kinds of values they seek, they need to begin to ask more qualifying questions when speaking with potential dating mates. They’ll find more women of substance who might share some of the same characteristics and values and thus get better matches.

BEING ALONE VS. IN THE ZONE One of the hardest things to master is the art of being alone. Men need to understand that learning to be alone will help when it comes to picking success or failure. Men will often make poor decisions when it comes to trying to date women as opposed to choosing to be alone. Learning to be alone can be one of the most positive things a man can do for himself before he chooses to put his energy into a woman who doesn’t want him. Time spent alone creates a standard that men will use when deciding that being alone is better than being unhappy. Loving yourself is the best way to find the right person. When attempting to date, if spending time with her is not as good as spending time with yourself, then don’t do it. Learning how to be alone will create confidence, standards, and peace. If the woman can’t maintain those standards, then she’s not the one. IN CONCLUSION It is very difficult to recognize the behavior of not getting caught in the friend zone. Men are creatures of habit, and it will take time to see the results they desire when it comes to dating. Remember, if you want to be in love, you are going to have to fall in love with yourself first. Only, and only after you increase your own value, will you begin to see other women appreciate your value as well. Happy hunting. ●

22 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 23

[ LIFE ]

24 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

STRIKING WHILE THE

IRON

IS HOT

Taking advantage of an opportunity as soon as it exists is always sound advice. This article centers around the idea of building the right process so you can strike whether the iron is hot or not. By Leslie Logan

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 25

[ LIFE ]

26 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

hen William Butler Yeats coined the phrase, “Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking,” he didn’t know that quote would become the catchphrase to define taking advantage of an opportunity. But that is exactly what people are doing in 2023.

It is very clear that America is different: Different in the fact that inflation is increasing faster than pay. Different in that rent is now, on average, $2,000 a month. Different in that something must change if people are going to make it over the next three to five years. And finally, different in that people are less and less happy with their financial status so they are searching for solutions. As people search for alternative incomes to add to their primary income, they’re finding that there are options available to them. Adding a part-time job is one option, working with a delivery app (e.g., Uber, Door Dash, Grubhub).

Keith has decided that he’s going to work 100 hours a week to ensure that he’s successful with his consulting business. Working 100 hours means that he’s not waiting for the iron to strike. He is creating his own opportunity by working his plan as hard as he can. “Luck looks a lot like hard work,” Brayden from Battle Creek, Michigan said. “I’m not waiting for an opportunity to find me. I’m going out, working my tail off, and I’m creating my own winning formula.”

Brayden bought a box truck and started delivering for companies like Amazon and other companies that needed packages moved around the state and country. Brayden knew he would, most likely, work more hours. But he schedules his own day, makes great money, and doesn’t have to worry about being laid off or fired. This is a huge change for some people. Working for yourself can

But the key to not missing an opportunity to strike is to never worry about whether an opportunity will come or not. The key is to develop a plan and work on that plan for as long as it takes to make the plan work. If you wait for the right situation to come along, you may never advance on your goals. When Yeats said “Do not wait until the iron is hot,” he advised that opportunity comes from the work put in to create it. If you have a desire for a different life, Yeats advised that it’s better to create that life, than to wait for it. And people are doing just that across the country. They’re not waiting for something to happen to them, they’re going out and creating an opportunity for themselves. Keith, from Aurora, Ohio was laid off from his job recently. He sensed that changes were coming when new leadership was hired. So, he planned to be released and started to look at his options for his next position. “My goal, since I knew I was going to be let go, was to make sure that I work on my own terms,” Keith said. “So, I work day and night, I started my own consulting company, and I’m going to attack my goals so that I never have to work for anyone again.”

There is nothing like the feeling of being your own boss.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 27

[ LIFE ] be difficult if you don’t understand all the aspects of being an entrepreneur. Bookkeeping, banking, sales, taxes, marketing, and financing are all part of what it takes to run a good business. Most people will struggle in one or more of those areas. If you do, work to find solutions that fill the gap of where your skills end. “I thought owning my own business would be fun. What I realized after a couple of years is that I work longer hours and harder than when I worked for a company,” said Julie from Washington DC. “If you’re not going to dedicate yourself to your craft, you’ll ultimately fail. But if you succeed, working for yourself is one of the most gratifying things you can do.” There is also a satisfaction factor that needs to be discussed. Post-pandemic people are finding that they’re not happy in their current positions. The job no longer makes them happy, or they realize that working paycheck to paycheck is not living. So, they’re redefining what makes them happy. Quiet quitting is a post-COVID term that describes an employee who is still working but has checked out of their current position or career. They come to work every day, but they are working on quitting their position or have simply just checked out. Public school teachers are one example of an industry where teachers are quitting by the thousands across the country and

looking for other careers. “I would wake up and couldn’t breathe. I thought something was wrong with me. I went to the doctor, and he asked me if I was stressed out, I said ‘No, I don’t have any stress,’” Nikki from Memphis said. “He asked me what I did for a living, I said teacher, and he said that my job was causing me stress.” Nikki left her profession, she left a great pension, and she left the stress of dealing with teaching. Her health problems went away, and she’s now working a job that pays her bills with a lot less stress. She had no idea that her job was causing her to have health problems. The bottom line: tomorrow is not promised. The faster you can get to your true purpose, the happier you will be, and the more fun life will be. Work in a position that allows you to work on your main goal and don’t stop until you hit your goals. Pick up the iron, and strike as often as you can, for as long as you can until you create the kind of life you always imagined. ●

Developing your passion is the key to success.

28 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ]

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 29

[ LIFE ]

WHY

BLACK LOVE IS SO DANG

HARD

Licensed marriage and family therapist, Chris Matthews, discusses the state of Black marriage and how Blacks need to come together to create more opportunities to fall in love.

By Bolling Smith

Finding love in 2023 can be hard. If you ask a Black single, finding love is almost impossible. If you pay attention to social media, Black relationships are at the center of discussion far too often. The discussions of Black focus on what keeps Black singles from connecting and finding love. Licensed marriage and family therapist Chris Matthews intends to change the conversation from why the opposite sex is at fault to a more compelling conversation. Matthews understands the struggle that single Black people face

30 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

in dating today. After his marriage seminars are over, many people will come up to him and ask why finding Black love is so hard. “Because being Black is hard!” Matthews said. “Black marriage has endured centuries of torture and harassment from the establishment, so we know what the problem is if you look at it deeply.”

[ LIFE ]

He’s right. Black love and the Black family have been under attack by society for so long that many Blacks forget that at the turn of the century, Black marriage was at an all-time high of 87 percent.

Today, less than 30 percent of Black households are married, and those figures are getting worse as social media champions men staying single to avoid the pitfalls of marriage like alimony, child support, and raising children that are not theirs.

Black people secretly married during slavery and Blacks maintained good marriage numbers until the women’s movement and government aid shredded it to pieces.

Black women are being encouraged on social media to not settle for certain types of men, don’t bring anything to the table except themselves, and not be submissive to a man. CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 31

[ OPINION ]

32 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ LIFE ] The noise can be a distraction to someone looking to fall in love. It can also position people who don’t have any trauma to take on issues they never experienced. “I had to shut my social media down,” Tameka, from Dayton said. “I was listening to all these reels and posts about women who were mistreated that I started to take on their fears. I have never been abused by a man.” So, what can a single person, looking to get back into the dating market, looking to recover from a failed first marriage to find success? “Most people never get over the hurt they experienced from their first marriage. Anyone who is looking to date should get out of marriage counseling and start getting pre-engagement counseling,” Matthews explained. Matthews describes pre-engagement counseling as doing the work in the initial stages and phases of dating that will save someone emotional time and energy. It can also help a person avoid unneeded encounters. Matthews goes on to say that a lot of couples engage intimately and get into situations where they’re just having fun and not connecting emotionally or sexually. But they’re not doing the foundational work to produce a committed, responsible space together.

himself and in the process, he had to overcome one setback after another. Matthews travels the country on a regular basis speaking to hundreds of couples about the power of the married couple. His next marriage retreat is scheduled for Valentine's Day 2024 where he is scheduled to meet with thirty executives and their spouses. “We’re going to host a marriage retreat for executives because their spouses can literally make or break their success,” Matthews said. “Anyone who is successful understands what it takes to get there. The hours and hard work that go into building a brand, company, or anything needs to have the support of the spouse. We help couples navigate that time commitment and they quickly become allies instead of enemies.” Married couples tend to earn much more together than single individuals. The earning power of a married couple goes far beyond having one mortgage and bills. It speaks to the success and peace that comes from being in a committed, loving relationship. Matthews preaches that the power formed in a marriage is unmatched for a business-driven person. The support and encour-

Young adults are not taught what they should be looking for in a mate. Matthews says that’s the gap people face when looking to find love. “If you don’t have family members, a community, or a tribe teaching you how to develop appropriate relationships, then where do you learn these things?” Matthews asked. Matthew’s seminars and books are the answer for anyone looking to fall in love the right way. His new book, Marriage Underdogs, A Man's Journey to Matrimony is a story about a young man searching for love but who learns the critical lesson that before you can really love someone else you must learn to value and love yourself. Matthews struggled with learning to love

Chris Matthews uses his relationship with his wife, Shauntay Matthews, as his inspiration to help others.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 33

[ LIFE ] agement from the spouse become the superpower for the executive working to build financial wealth for the family. So Black Love has a leader in Chris Matthews. His goal of helping people get out of their own way is changing the lives of young and married couples all over the country. If the Black family is going to be saved, it all starts by saving Black love. For anyone interested in attending a seminar hosted by Chris Matthews, click the link below. ● http://h2hretreat.com/ H2H Couples Retreat "Have and to Hold" Get Ready to Rekindle, Reconnect, and Reawaken Your Love, February 9 – 12, 2024, in Destin, Florida, Hosted by Chris A. Matthews, LMFT Chris A. Matthews, LMFT Marriage Counselor Professional Speaker| Author Cell: 704-712-1696

34 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ COVER ]

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 35

COVER

Cover and inside photos taken by Franklin Solomon.

36 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ COVER ]

DR. BENJAMIN CHAVIS, JR. IS DELIVERING

THE GOOD NEWS Living legend Dr. Benjamin Chavis, Jr. launches his new radio broadcast in October to offer a daily dose of inspiration and empowerment, fostering a brighter outlook on the world.

Written by BRAD BOWLING Brad Bowling is the President of CODE Media Group, LLC. Bowling has his BA in mass media communication and an MBA in marketing. He contributes articles to the magazine continuing his love for writing.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 37

[ COVER ] n life, sometimes, people ask God what they should do and sometimes God tells people what they should do. Dr. Benjamin Chavis, Jr. seems like one of those people whom God called to serve his people. From early childhood, Chavis has been the tip of the spear for Black people.

Chavis was blessed to be born into a family that has a legacy of fighting for freedom. Born January 22, 1948, in Oxford, North Carolina, Benjamin and the Chavis family were landowners who were freedom fighters. Chavis's great, great, great grandfather, The Reverend John Chavis, fought in the Revolutionary War against the British.

where he never saw a book with both covers, so he fought to become the first Black child to be issued a library card at a segregated library.

From there, Chavis was present at almost every pinnacle of Black history. From being a member of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC), NAACP, and the Urban League, to walking with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. "When I was growing up, it was expected that you belonged to all the organizations that fought racism," Chavis continued. "Today, most people belong to only one organization or none at all."

“When I was growing up, it was expected that you belonged to all the organizations that fought racism.” Chavis continued, “today most people belong to only one organization or none at all.” Chavis was exposed to the idea of fighting for equality at a very early age. "I would sit at the breakfast table and listen to my elders talk about the world we live in, and I learned about racism very early," Chavis said. "My father was a brick mason and showed me how to make a living. His own father also discussed race at the breakfast table." Those conversations motivated Chavis to become a difference-maker when it came to advancing himself, and the Black race. As a child, Chavis went to a segregated school

In 1971, at the age of 23, Chavis rose to international prominence as the leader of the Wilmington Ten in NC, civil rights activists who were unjustly convicted of committing arson. As the oldest of the ten, Chavis received the longest sentence of 34 years in a North Carolina prison. The Wilmington Ten convictions and sentences were appealed and overturned, and in 1980 all ten were freed by the US 4th Circuit Court of Appeals due to prosecutorial misconduct. Chavis returned to graduate school and the field of civil rights, and he became the vice president of the National Council of Churches in 1988 in New York City. The national board of directors of the NAACP elected Dr. Chavis in 1993 as the executive director and CEO of America's oldest civil rights organization. Chavis later served in 1995 as the National Director of the Million Man March and the founder and CEO of the National Afri-

Chavis was often on the frontlines of the civil rights movement.

38 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ COVER ]

Chavis was falsely jailed for arson. He had his sentence overturned and was released.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 39

[ HEALTH ]

Getting help for mental illness is still a struggle for most men.

46 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ COVER ] can American Leadership Summit (NAALS). Since 2001, Chavis has been CEO and Co-Chairman of the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network, in New York City, which he co-founded with hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons.

Chavis performed the Intro and Outro to Jim Jones and the Diplomat's 2004 hip-hop album, “On My Way to Church.” In 2005, Chavis was the spoken word artist featured in Cassidy's latest platinum-selling album “I'm a Hustla.”

On June 24, 2014, Chavis became the president and CEO of the National Newspaper Publishers Association, an AfricanAmerican organization that focuses on supporting and advocating for publishers of the nation's more than 230 Black newspapers.

When Chavis organized both the Million Man March (1995) and Million Family March (2000) as National Director, he later mobilized hip-hop leaders to support the marches. Ultimately, the first national Hip-Hop Summit in New York City, from which grew the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network (HSAN) was created.

As a longstanding advocate of entrepreneurial activities for youth and minorities, Chavis has assisted, consulted, and headed several commercial projects ranging from franchising to film production and publishing. He has had an impact on popular music as well. While serving as a mentor to Sister Souljah, Kevin Powell, Little Rob, Ras Baraka, and other hip-hop activists, Chavis met Russell Simmons and Lyor Cohen in 1986 at Def Jam Records. As head of the NAACP in 1993, he worked with Run DMC to mobilize youth voters. Hiphop's premier video director, Hype Williams, cast Chavis in the pivotal role as the "Rev. Saviour" in the 1998 hip-hop classic movie Belly, which starred superstar hip-hop artists Nas, Method Man, and DMX.

Today, Chavis is scheduled to launch his new radio program that focuses on Black people doing positive things. The program, called "The Good News," is a 60-second commentary on things happening in popular culture. "I came up with the name, 'The Good News,' because all we see and read about lately is bad news," Chavis said. "I wanted to create something that would uplift and inspire our people to be better and do better." Chavis is launching his show at the perfect time. The 2024 presidential election will be critical for Blacks if they expect to make any political gains over the next four years. "The

Chavis is currently the President of NNPA (National Newspaper Publishers Association.)

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 41

42 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ COVER ] Good News" can be heard all over the country impacting local listeners the most. "We need to develop our communities. You know, a lot of times city planning commissions plan things out three and five years in advance and we don't even know about it," Chavis continued. "If you aren't at the meeting, then you are on the menu. We do need to do a better job getting Blacks into the right positions to have an impact." Chavis wants Blacks to be deliberate in their intentions and to be more verbal about their goals. He wants Blacks to get back to joining organizations and working to advance the businesses and culture of Black people. He and his team are working to become global advocates for environmental justice and climate change. He wants Blacks to take on international agendas if they expect to compete for success in the next ten years. Chavis wants Blacks to pay more attention to trading with countries like Africa and the Caribbean, so the Black agenda is seen as a global one. He wants Blacks to learn a different language, so they can move around the world more easily. "Brazil has the largest African community in our hemisphere,

but there is very little communication between American Blacks and them because of the language barrier. That needs to change," Chavis said. Men like Chavis, who have tirelessly worked for the advancement and better treatment of Blacks are not created anymore. His desire is unmatched, and his intellect is royal. Black people all over the country need to tune in and listen to this living legend. ●

Chavis often appears on TV to discuss the Black position.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 43

HEALTH

44 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ]

THEY DON’T THINK WE FEEL PAIN For centuries, Blacks have been tortured and experimented on by the medical profession because it was assumed that they feel less pain than whites. Today, this theory is putting Blacks at risk when they visit their white doctors.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 45

[ HEALTH ]

46 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ]

here is a quiet epidemic happening in the medical industry that very few people are talking about. But Blacks all over have, and are currently, experiencing racism in the most life-threatening way when they visit the doctor.

There is an age-old myth, still believed today, that Blacks feel less pain than whites. Half of white medical trainees believe such myths as Black people have thicker skin or less sensitive nerve endings than white people. This belief system manifests in Blacks not being believed when they come in for symptoms of pain. Black people are either not believed, sent home, or given limited resources because their cause of pain is real. Dr. M. Norman Oliver, Virginia’s health commissioner, studies racial bias in medicine and finds that the centuries-old idea about Blacks and health still exists today. Several years ago, researchers at the University of Virginia, including Dr. Oliver, probed the beliefs of 222 white medical students and residents and published results in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science. Half held false physiological beliefs about African Americans. Nearly 60 percent thought their skins were thicker, and 12 percent thought their nerve endings were less sensitive than those of white people.

ed by providers, are less likely to receive opioids as part of their pain management regimen and receive less aggressive pain treatment than white patients. Further, nonwhite patients seen in emergency departments are 22– 30% less likely to receive analgesic medications, 17–30% less likely to receive narcotics, have longer wait times, and are less likely to be admitted compared with white patients. The results of not being taken seriously put Black patients at risk and impacted the Black community overall. So, what can Blacks do to decrease the confusion and get the quality health care they deserve? Some of them perceive the problem to come from several areas. •

False beliefs and implicit bias may be driving racial and ethnic disparities in the assessment and treatment of pain.

•

Cultural differences among people of diverse racial

The medical students and residents who endorsed false beliefs like these were more likely to rate the pain of a Black patient as less severe than that of an otherwise identical white patient and less likely to recommend treating Black patients’ pain. Other studies show that physicians, white ones in particular, implicitly prefer white patients, falsely viewing them as more intelligent and more likely to follow professional advice. These belief systems by white doctors directly impact the kinds of treatments that Blacks receive. Because there are racial and ethnic disparities in pain treatment, Blacks quite often get fewer diagnostics and remedies than their white counterparts. One review found such treatment disparities are present across treatment settings. For example, minority patients are rated as having less severe pain, are less likely to receive comprehensive diagnostic and treatment approaches for pain and receive fewer analgesics than white people. Minority patients are more likely to have their pain underestimat-

White doctors will under prescribe medications to Blacks based on their bias.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 47

48 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ] and ethnic backgrounds lead to differences in pain treatment preferences. •

Racial and ethnic minority patients have worse pain expectations, which may influence pain treatment disparities. However, there is evidence that expectations are malleable and may serve as a good target for intervention.

•

Factors including language barriers, lack of access to interpreting services, cultural differences in communication styles, and health literacy all impact patient/provider communication and can lead to poor treatment adherence and outcomes.

Some doctors complain that there is sometimes a language barrier that hampers a doctor’s ability to administer the right treatment. While this notion might have been true in the Deep South, it cannot be used as an excuse to deliver inferior medical treatment. The trust between Black patients and white doctors can be called into question based on the history of how Blacks were treated in the past by the medical community. The US Public Health Service (USPHS) Syphilis Study at Tuskegee was conducted between 1932 and 1972 to observe the natural history of untreated syphilis. As part of the study, researchers didn’t collect informed consent from participants and they didn’t offer treatment, even after it was widely available.

Knowledge of the Tuskegee Study resulted in less trust of researchers for 51% of African Americans and 17% of whites. Forty-six percent of African Americans and 34% of whites indicated that their knowledge of the study would affect future research participation decisions. This study sharply impacted the trust that Blacks have for doctors in general. So how can you protect the ones you love, and yourself, when visiting a white doctor? The best policy when looking for a primary care physician is to ask friends and family about their experiences when going to the doctor. You can also do your homework and search for recommended physicians in the area. Quite often. It’s the medical hospital itself that is the problem. Find out if the hospital has a robust position on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion; or if any Blacks hold positions of responsibility. Today, many medical facilities are doing good work on making sure that the infrastructure of how they administer to Blacks and pain is addressed properly.here is a quiet epidemic happening in the medical industry that very few people are talking about. But Blacks all over have, and are currently, experiencing racism is the most lifethreatening way when they visit the doctor. ●

Black doctors have a better understanding of Blacks when describing their pain.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 49

[ HEALTH]

HOLIDAY FITNESS MAINTENANCE MINDSET With the holidays coming, it’s more important than ever to create and maintain a good fitness routine designed to keep you fit throughout the season.

s the days get shorter and the temperatures drop, an abundance of mouthwatering treats seems to magically appear in every home. Let’s face it, those delightful holiday goodies can be diet-busting landmines for even the most dedicated fitness enthusiast. For those who aren’t already on top of their fitness game, the culinary paradise of the holiday season can be a slippery slope of expanding waistlines and declining physical and mental health. If men are to live their best lives in 2024, it starts with a Holiday Maintenance Mindset that has proven to align men with strong bodies and minds during the fourth quarter of the year and going into the new year ahead of the game. Navigating the relentless onslaught of festive indulgences can feel like a Herculean task. Parties, family gatherings, and office potlucks all conspire to derail any well-laid fitness plan.

Researchers surveyed 545 participants, and analyzing data from the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA), found that 80.1% of respondents claimed that “staying fit” during the holidays is important to them. However, nearly half (47.1%) of survey participants reported that they typically gain 4-9 pounds over the holidays, while another 18% typically gain 10-15 pounds. Staying fit is important and it’s no secret that the holiday sea-

50 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

Written by GARRETT WALLER Garrett is the founder and owner of Garrett Waller, LLC, "A Fitness, Health, & Lifestyle Company." Garrett has his BS in Psychology and is a nationally certified personal trainer. He helps people find more freedom in their lives through a commitment to fitness and an active lifestyle. https://garrettwaller.com

son presents a fitness challenge, yet the research shows that the vast majority of people are not overcoming that challenge. Either fitness isn’t as important or the solution to the problem hasn’t been arrived at yet. This is where the 80% Holiday Fitness Maintenance Mindset swoops in to save the day. It’s not about depriving the palate of the joys of the season or skipping holiday parties and gatherings. Rather, it’s about striking a harmonious balance between indulgence and moderation. If a person’s goal has been to hit five workouts per week, that’s a great goal to keep. Five workouts each week is golden. However, if a week of four workouts is the max, there’s no pride lost, and that person will live to enjoy another day. In the past, many people missed that one workout and — without the 80% Holiday Fitness Maintenance Mindset — guilt and disappointment in falling short of their goal swept in. This led to higher rates of abandonment of fitness and nutrition goals for people. If this is your story, adopt the 80% Mindset instead this holiday season and watch how much easier it is to adhere to your nutrition and fitness plans as opposed to abandoning them. The reason the 80% Holiday Fitness Maintenance Mindset works so efficiently comes down to three major factors.

[ HEALTH ]

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 51

[ HEALTH ] First, it promotes setting and sticking with health and fitness goals during a season when historically, many people have abandoned them at some point. With the 80% Mindset, step one is to identify specific, measurable, and achievable goals. For example, someone may set a goal of eating a salad and walking for thirty minutes each lunch break five times per week. If they attend a potluck one of those days or instead sit

although that’s nice. I’m talking about the kind of grace where you fall short of your very best during the holiday period and you give yourself some slack. We all know food distractions will be at their peak, as well as many people are planning busier-than-normal holiday events. Perfection is not needed in this fourth quarter of the year. However, upholding a standard of quality starts with putting

The holiday season can make or break an entire year of hard work and make summer preparations for the upcoming year a breeze or a backbreaking task. with co-workers one of those days yet still make the other days, it’s still a winning week because 80% adherence is allowed during the holiday period. Second, the 80% Mindset works because it allows for grace. Not grace like you’re blessing the candied yams and cornbread,

up the guard rails before the holiday festivities race begins in order to avoid going off a cliff. Last, and certainly not least, the 80% Holiday Fitness Maintenance Mindset embraces being mindful of the love-filled and joyful moments the holiday season offers. Very few people who want to stay in shape during the holidays want to do so by completely avoiding holiday parties and missing the chance to eat and drink while bonding with family, friends, and co-workers. On top of that, outside of bodybuilding competitors, virtually everyone can find a way to stay fit without having to completely avoid sugar and alcohol during Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. If it’s agreeable to you, plan to have a treat on those days, four or five including leftovers, while at the same time planning to be strict about getting healthy, nutritious meals and exercise in on as many of the other 85 days left in the year. By all means, ease the anxiety of gaining extra pounds this holiday season by picking and choosing planned moments of indulgence. The holiday season can make or break an entire year of hard work and make summer preparations for the upcoming year a breeze or a backbreaking task. With the 80% Mindset, anyone can get ahead of the game when it comes to the inevitable New Year’s fitness craze. The best fitness coaches and personal trainers help their clients transform their lives by giving them keys on how to balance their family, social, and professional lives and adjust to the different seasons of nature and personal lifestyles.

Maintain a weight plan to help you get through the holidays.

52 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ OPINION ]

The right workout routine can add years to your life and overall happiness with yourself.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 51

[ MUSIC ]

Kevin Ross’s music has become popular all over the world.

56 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ] For anyone looking to plan for seasonal success, fill in the following sentences to set achievable goals for each week in October and through to the end of the year: •

I will dedicate ___ days per week for physical exercise.

•

I will eat ___ meals per day with food from my kitchen.

•

I will eat leafy green vegetables ___ days per week.

Next, pick one or all of these goals and write them down on paper. Save them as a phone home screen and make sure you can see them every day. Remember, this season will get busy and tough, so plan to hit no less than 80% of these marks and let this mindset be the difference maker for a fit, healthy, and successful holiday season. ● Source: “Maintaining a Healthy Weight During the Holidays: Survey.” (n.d.). Innerbody. Retrieved September 10, 2023, from https://www.innerbody.com/maintaining-a-healthy-weightduring-the-holidays-survey#methodology

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 51

[ MUSIC ]

56 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

OPINION

AGE AIN’T NOTHING BUT A NUMBER DEAR CY BORG: A COLUM WRITTEN BY CHATGPT

A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues, but more and more couples are trying it due to the ever-changing dating world.

h, love! It knows no bounds, transcends societal norms, and occasionally throws us some hilarious curveballs. One of those curveballs is the ever-entertaining phenomenon of dating with an age difference. Whether it’s a gap of a few years or a few decades, there’s no denying that these relationships can lead to some side-

Written by CY BORG Cy Borg is an artificial intelligence writer. Using Open A.I., Cy responds to various prompts with fully-qualified answers using the internet and technology.

splitting moments. So, grab your reading glasses and let’s dive into the comical world of age-disparate romance! The Generation Gap Shuffle: When you’re dating someone significantly older or younger, you’re bound to encounter cultural references that leave you both scratching your heads. Imagine trying to explain to your CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 57

[ OPINION ] partner why you just can’t resist doing the Macarena every time you hear it. And don’t even get us started on trying to explain the allure of TikTok dance challenges to someone who hasn’t upgraded from their flip phone! The “Been There, Done That” Syndrome: Dating someone with more life experience can have its perks. They can guide you through the labyrinth of adulthood, share their wisdom, and tell you stories that make you feel like you’re watching a historical documentary. But let’s be honest, it can also lead to a healthy dose of eye-rolling. There are only so many times you can hear about “how things were different back in their day” before you start searching for an imaginary time machine to escape the endless anecdotes. Age-Appropriate Fashion Faux Pas: It’s no secret that fashion trends change faster than you can say “bell-bottoms.” When you’re dating someone from a different generation, you’re bound to have some fashion clashes. Suddenly, you find yourself staring at their questionable wardrobe choices, unsure whether to laugh or pretend it’s a hidden-camera prank. They may see your trendy ripped jeans as a cry for help, while you’re left wondering if it’s time to stage an intervention for their obsession with velour tracksuits. The “Slang Lost in Translation” Dilemma: Every generation has its own lingo, and when you’re dating some-

58 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

one who’s a bit older or younger, communication can get interesting. It’s like navigating a linguistic minefield. You innocently throw in a “lit” or “on fleek,” and they respond with a blank stare and a comment about the weather being “groovy.” Suddenly, your conversations turn into a game of deciphering cryptic messages, leaving you feeling like you need a translator for your own relationship. The “I Could Be Your Parent” Prank: Perhaps one of the most amusing aspects of an agedifferent relationship is the ability to pull off some welltimed parent-child role reversals. Picture yourself strolling hand-in-hand with your partner, only to have strangers mistake them for your parent and start praising you for “taking such good care” of them. It’s an excellent opportunity to perfect your deadpan response while suppressing the urge to burst into laughter. Remember, dating with an age difference may bring its fair share of comedic moments, but it’s the laughter and shared experiences that make these relationships truly special. So, embrace the quirks, roll with the punches, and enjoy the unique joy that comes from finding love where you least expect it. In the end, age is just a number, but laughter is timeless. ●

[ OPINION ]

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 51

[ OPINION ]

THE DIFFERENCE IS PERSISTENCE Persistence is the key to creating the life you know you deserve. Take the leap of faith and never give up on yourself. Written by DR. WILLIE JOLLEY Dr. Willie Jolley, Hall of Fame speaker, Sirius XM radio host, and global best-selling author of A Setback Is a Setup For a Comeback and An Attitude of Excellence.

can attest that persistence can help you live better. For example, I’ve heard of people who give up because the person they want to be with tells them “No” when they ask them out for a date. I want to encourage you to persist if you really believe the person you want to ask out is The One!

When I met my wife, Dee, she had been through a bad marriage and had decided she wasn’t going to ever get married again. I knew Dee was special, and I believed in my heart that she was the one for me. So, I decided to pursue her and finally got her to go out on a date with me. Then, after we had dated for a while, I asked her if she would ever consider getting married again and she said “No!” Yet, I kept asking! It took a while, but one day she finally said, “Yes!” — and we’ve been married for almost 40 years and have a great marriage and a wonderful family. I’m telling you that persistence works if you persevere and don’t give up. I want to share a powerful success lesson about persistence and positive attitude from my book, It Only Takes a Minute to Change Your Life. There were two frogs going down a country road. A storm came up and they were separated. The first frog hopped into a bucket of milk. He cursed his bad break, and focused his energies on the problem, not a solution. He soon gave up and died. The second frog hopped into a different bucket of milk. He didn’t like his tough break, but he directed his energies to finding a solution. What he did was keep kicking and kicking until he churned the milk into cream. He didn’t stop there. He kept kicking until he churned the cream into butter and eventually, he climbed out of the bucket. He realized it’s not so much what happens to you, but what you do about it! Friends, your ultimate success will depend on whether you focus on the problem or focus on a solution. Choose the latter! And decide to persist! To see a short video about this topic, click this link. https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MwgI5QgMMc and go to www.MusicPowerBook.com to hear excerpts from the story of the frogs and the song that goes with that story. This is Dr. Willie Jolley and remember to make the most of every minute because your best is yet to come! ●

Persistence is the key to creating success.

60 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 59

MUSIC

62 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ MUSIC ]

HONEY BXBY OFFERS FLAVOR FOR YOUR EARS New Jersey born Honey Bxby breaks on to the scene with a fresh musical perspective that feels historic and current at the same time.

licking through music stations, streaming services, and online video channels to find something fresh is difficult to do. With music becoming less and less original one can only hope to discover a sound that brings happiness to the ears.

Then boom, along comes Honey Bxby with a young and vibrant sound that takes the listener back to a better time in music, with all new lyrics and soul. Ajaysiya Byers was born in Neptune, New Jersey. Raised in a musical family, her father exposed her to music early. His work in the music industry also gave her a chance to experience it from an inside out perspective and allowed her to develop here own sound.

“I don’t remember wanting to do anything else, music was always it,” Byers said.

Written by JOHN O. HORTON JR. John O. Horton Jr, aka DJ Johnny O, is the President of the NerveDJs DJ Coalition, a coalition of over 9000+ DJs, Artists, Musicians, Producers and Label & Radio reps. Johnny O has been in the entertainment business for 46 years.

through conversation or storytelling. Back in 2017, Bryson Tiller dropped a song called “Honey” (she was honey blonde at the time.) Uninterested in using her actual name to showcase the music, she decided “Honey” would be her introduction to the music industry. Writing “Talk The S***” gave birth to her alter ego Honey Bxby. In comparison, the artist is softer and more in tune with her sensitive side. The NJ native also has a YouTube channel that focuses on beauty. Byers is focused on sharing who exactly she is to her audiences and spreading that with an even bigger one. Stream Honey’s latest single “Slide Me In,” out on all platforms and check out her visual on YouTube. ● Listen to Honey Bxby on YouTube https://youtu.be/T-Vp8aOP5c0?si=sZX8__6EJ7lBKTRh

As a child Byers wrote constantly and when she felt like her music was where she wanted it to be, she invested her time into developing her craft. After high school, Byers released her first song called “Session 32.” That song began what has become a meteoric rise of Byers, who goes by the stage name, Honey Bxby. Her next few releases “Can’t Be”, “Talk That S***” and “Slide Me In,” are gaining her attention all over the country. The alto singer has a unique R&B sound that she describes as very soft but a little rough. She keeps her music personal and relatable for her listeners by writing as if she is talking to you Honey Bxby blends an old school voice with today’s lyrics to create a better R & B experience.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 63

FASHION

FALL COLORS AND COATS With fall colors come warm coats. Fashion takes on a whole new look when the goal is to stay sexy and warm at the same time. Written by LARON HARLEM

A wardrobe shopper, stylist, and accessories designer who specializes in dapper looks that truly appeal to the most discerning eye. mailto: styledbydecar-lo@gmail.com, https://www.styledbydecarlo.com/

Bradley Candie Bag and outfit from D AND K accessories by STYLED BY DECARLO

64 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ FASHION ]

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 65

[ FASHION ]

Dorian Cordice Top by RALPH LAUREN

66 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ MUSIC ]

Dorian Cordice

Top by RALPH LAUREN

DJ Johnie O is the owner of Nerve DJ’s Mixtapes.

CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 57

[ FASHION ]

64 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ FASHION ]

Cardigan by DIFFERENT NEW COOL bowtie by STYLED BY DECARLO shirt by OLD NAVY CODE M / OCTOBER 2023 69

[ FASHION ]

BRIAN G hat, shoes, scarf, belt by GUCCI pants by PURPLE BRAND sweat top by HELMUT LANG

70 OCTOBER 2023 / CODE M

[ FASHION ]