TIPs Magazine (Issue 02)

WHATIS

HAPPY

NAVIGATINGTHE HURDLESOFTHE EDUCATION SYSTEM -APARENT'S VIEW

"BUTMY CHILDWAS REMOVEDAT BIRTH"

WORKINGOUT THEEFFECTS OFEARLYLIFE TRAUMA

COECTNewsUpdate

SarahNaishandSarahDillonhavebeen toHulldelivering‘HealingChildren ThroughTherapeuticParenting’to FosterParentsandKinshipCarersfor HullCityCouncil

WehadagreatdayinTewkesbury deliveringFeelingBetter,Removing Triggerstoagroupoffosterparents.

Alargeadoptionagencycommissioned usforbespoketrainingcoveringdeescalationandtherapeuticparenting. Theyhavenowrequestedfurther trainingonCompassionFatigue (BlockedCare)andNeuro-Diversity

Ifyouwouldbeinterestedinarranging trainingforyourorganisation,please contactusatinspire@coectcoukfora freeconsultation

Editor’sNote

WelcomeEveryone!

Springisonitsway,andyoumayhavenoticedthelighterevenings, snowdropsanddaffodilsstartingtogrow,awelcomedchangeafterthe wintermonths.BritishSummerTimestartssoon,andweareexcitedto welcomeinthenewseasonalongwithour2ndeditionofTIPs!

Inthisedition,wehavelotstosharewithyou,fromstrategiesforthe impendingEasterholidaystoourTIPsexclusivearticleson‘TheEffectsof EarlyLifeTraumainChildrenWhoAreRemovedatBirth’,aParent’s ExperienceinNavigatingtheEducationSystem,and‘Insightinto TherapeuticFostering’.

WiththeemphasisonSpringandthetimeforchange,ourwell-being focusthisissueislookingatbeingmindfulwhentakingcareof ourselves.Notalwaysaneasyprioritytokeep,especiallywhencaring forothers.WhetheryouareanAdopter,FosterParent,KinshipCarer/ SpecialGuardian,Step-parent,orBioparentofachildwhois neurodiverse,wehopeyouwillfindusefularticlesandresourceswhich resonatewithyouinthisissue.

TheresponsetoourfirstissuewasoverwhelmingandSarah,theTeam andIwouldliketothankyouallforyourkindwordsofencouragement andthesupportwehavereceivedsofar.Asalways,wewouldloveto hearfromyoutoo,soemailyourthoughtsorquestionsto TIPS@coect.co.uk

HappyReading!

Sair,SarahandtheteamatTheCentreofExcellencein ChildTrauma.

MeettheTeam!

TheCentreofExcellenceinChildTraumaismadeupofateamofexpertswhohave essentialreal-lifeexperienceWeareAdopters,FosterParentsandBioparentsof neurodiversechildren,andalsoworkasprofessionalsinthefield.

SarahNaishisaTherapeuticParent,an Adopteroffivesiblings,formerFoster Parent,retiredSocialWorker,Bestselling internationalAuthor,KeynoteSpeaker andfounderofthreeIndependent TherapeuticFosteringAgencies.

SairPennaisaTherapeuticParent, Trainer,andTherapeuticParenting Coach.DirectorofNATP,and IndependentPanelChairfortwo TherapeuticFosteringAgencies

SarahDillon,isaTherapeutic Parent,anAttachmentTherapist, Keynotespeaker,formerchildin care,Author(Therapeutic Parenting)HeadofTherapeutic Services(Fostering).

AlisonDouglasisaTherapeutic Parent,Adopter,SocialWorkerand OperationsManagerintwo FosteringAgencies.Alisonisalso SafeguardingLeadatNATP

EmmaEdwardsisaTherapeutic Parent,Adopter,DirectorofNATPand TheHavenParentingandWellbeing Centre

JaneMitchellisaTherapeutic Parent,AdopterandKeynote Speaker,AuthorandHeadofFamily StabilityintwoTherapeutic FosteringAgencies

"But my child was removed at birth"

-Workingouttheeffectsof earlylifetrauma

WrittenbySarahNaish

I’dliketothinkthat thingshavechanged sinceIadoptedmyfive children,24yearsago.

Sadly,thisweekata conference,adelegate

cameuptomeandsaid,“You knowthatstoryyoumentioned wherethesocialworkertoldyou thatyouryoungestwould‘beyour reward’becauseshewasremoved atbirth?Well,someonesaidthe samethingtome3yearsago”.So,I thinkinsomeareas,learningabout in utero trauma, inherited conditions, and pre/post-natal stress,hasnotbeenproperly absorbedMyyoungestdaughter wasremovedfromherbiological familyatbirthandplacedina lovingfosterhomeItwasforthis reasonthatthesocialworkermade theassumptionthat‘shehadn’t suffered,wouldnotremember anything’,andwouldtherefore“be myreward” Ofcourse,that statementisproblematicinitself onmanylevels,asfirstlyit automaticallyimpliesthatthefour olderchildrenwouldnotbe rewarding,andsecondlythatitis somehow the task of our traumatised children to ‘be rewarding’Itisnot

Wehearthesekindsofstatements allthetimefromfriends,family, andschoolTheunderlyingbelief seemstostemfromthefactthat thechild‘willnotremember anything’.Thiscompletelyignores themyriadofwaysinwhichthe

bodyindeedinternalisestraumaand experiences

Whenwethinkabouttheexperiences ofveryyoungbabies,wemust consider;

Stresslevelsinthemother,in particularthelevelsofcortisol Severeillnessinpregnancy· Domesticviolence(thisimpacts thefoetusinthewomb)

BirthTraumawherechildand motherwereputunderstress duringlabour

Prematurebirthandtemporary isolationfromparents EmotionalAbsence,shortperiodof emotionaldisconnectioncaused byPostNatalorPostAdoptive Depression

Repeatedhospitalisations

Drugsoralcoholmisuse–FASD mightbediagnosed

Cortisol,inparticular,islinkedtothe baby’searlybraindevelopment.In mychild’scaseshehadveryhigh cortisollevelsasadirectresultofher birthmother’sexperiencesduring pregnancy Thismeantthatmy daughterlookedlikeshehadADHD, (shedidn’t).Italsohasanimpacton causeandeffectthinkingduetothe abnormal development of the amygdala,(thepartofthebrain responsibleforsurvivalmechanisms offight/flight/freeze).

Othereffectswemightseeinthe baby/olderchildare;

Sensoryissues(jumpingatloud noises,sensitivitytobrightlights etc.)

Memoryissues

Inheritedpsychiatric/mental healthconditions(NBthereare usuallyenvironmentalfactors alongside)

Inabilitytolinkcauseandeffect

Insecureattachmentsdueto primarylossofbirthmother Autismorbehaviourthatlooks likeAutism.

ADHDorbehaviourthatlooks likeADHD

Thenotabledifferencebetween myyoungestdaughter,Charley, andmyfourolderchildren,was thatshedidnothaveafearof adultsAlthoughthismadelife slightlyeasier,thehighcortisol levelsdroveCharleytorelentlessly seekoutsugarasanantidoteShe wasunabletostopandreflect, andlivedverymuchinthe moment.Asyoucanimagine,this causedalotofdifficulties!

AsababyInoticedthatCharley wasquitesubduedShedidnot seemtoconnectinthewaythat mostbabieshad,inmyprevious experience.Lookinglogicallyather earlylifeIrealisedthatshehad experiencedhighlevelsof domesticabuseinutero,veryhigh levelsofmaternalstress,alcohol abuse,removalfrombirthmother immediatelyatbirthandthen removalagain,fromherloving fostermumat7monthsNo wondershewasalittlelate developingandwary!

Picture:©CharleyChattyandtheWigglyWorryWorm

Ihaveclosefriendswithsecurely attachedchildrenYettheyareneuro diverseduetoextremeillnessduring mum’spregnancyThechildrenhave avarietyof‘symptoms’and diagnosessuchasautism,sensory processingdisorder,ADHDandvery highintelligence.LikeCharley,they donothaveafearofadultsbutthere arestrikingsimilaritiesbetween them

Ifyouhaveachildfromtraumawho wasremovedatbirth,youmight sometimesfeelthatpeopleare judgingyoufortheproblemsyour childfaces,andthechallenges displayedIt'simportanttoeducate othersabouttheimpactofearlylife trauma,soyourchildcanaccessthe rightsupport.

USEFULLINKS/READING

TheBodyKeepstheScorebyDrBesselVanDerKolk.

StressinpregnancymayinfluencebabybraindevelopmentEdinburghUniversity

TheCompleteGuidetoTherapeuticParentingJaneMitchell/ SarahNaish

TheNationalAssociationofTherapeuticParents-resources https://www.naotp.com/resources

Tohelpexplainfeelingsofanxietyandhigh cortisoltoyourchild,‘CharleyChattyandthe WigglyWorryWorm’isavailablefromAmazon

www.coect.co.uk

Toadvertisewithuscontact:tips@coect.co.uk

NAVIGATINGTHEHURDLESOF THEEDUCATIONSYSTEMAPARENT’SEXPERIENCE”

WrittenBySairPenna

Asaparentwhohas navigatedthehurdles of the education systemforthepast5 years,Iknowhow

difficultandexhaustingitcanbe attimesFromsupportingfulland part-time schooling to flexi schooling,homeeducationand education through alternative provisions,wehavecertainlyhada journeyfindinganeducational provisionwhichmeetsourchild’s needs

Forsomefamilies,aschoolcanbe anexcitingplacewherechildren thriveontheinteractionsthey havewiththeirpeers,thelearning experienceswithwhichtheyare involvedin,andlookforwardto goingtoschool.Forotherfamilies, theschoolsystemcanbeahard systemtonavigateattimes especiallywhenyourchilddoes notfitintothemouldoftheschool educationsystem.

Forparentsandcarerswhoare familiarwiththelatterofthetwo experiences,itcanbefrustrating, stressful, and emotionally exhaustingattimes,averysimilar feelingtocompassionfatigue,but withaninstitutioninsteadofa child,youngpersonoranother individualyouarecaringfor.Ifyour childisneurodiverseorhas experiencedadversechildhood experiencesthiscanbemagnified, especiallywhenthemouldofthe schoolsystemmayhavedifficulty meetingtheirneeds.

Wh sit , y experiences attached to navigatingtheschoolsystem cometomindformeand possiblyformanyofyoutoo.

The parent who has been comfortingtheirchildona Sundaybecausetheirchild’s anxietyisthroughtheroof worryingaboutgoingtoschool thenextday,knowingalltheycan dointhisinstanceistoreassure theirchild,hopingtheiranxiety willsubsideandtheproblems theyfacewon’tseemasbadfor themonaMondaymorningThe feelingofdreadmayseemallconsuming of the inevitable morningroutinetoschoolthe nextday.

Theparentwhoonaschool morningencouragestheirchild throughtheschoolrun,treading oneggshellstonotupsetthe balanceincasetheypointblank refusetogoinWhilstjuggling theirownmixedfeelingsof frustration,thepressureoftiming

thattheirchildisnotcopingwith theschooldaybutsendingthemin hopingtheschoolstaffwillbeable tohelpthechildovercomethis.

Theparentwhoeventuallyarrives at the school gates, feeling exhaustedliketheyhaveruna marathonandallbefore9o’clock inthemorningWhothennavigates thecomplexitiesofaninvisible barrier for their child which preventsthemfromenteringthe school.Thiscanbetriggering, especiallyifyouareaparentwho haswatchedmanyotherchildren goinginwithasmileontheirfaces andmotivatedtolearn

Oneofthemostheart-breaking thingstoseeisyourchildupset becausetheydon’twanttogoto school,andasaparent,youfeel helpless in supporting them throughthis.Ifyouarefortunateto haveanurturingteacheror supportstaffwhounderstandsthe situationandisattunedtoyour child’s

©Solstock from Getty Images via www.canva.com

worriesandneeds,thiscancertainly helpbothyouandyourchildatthis pointandgivehopetoovercoming hurdlesintheschoolbyworking togetherIncontrast,ifthisdoesn’t happen,itmayjustbethatmomentof clarityyouneedtolookforaschool thatdoestakeamorenurturing approachtoachildwhoisdisplaying schoolanxiety

Theparentwholooksforwardtoseeing theirchildattheendoftheschoolday, andwhoisthengreetedwiththe schoolbag/itemsbeinglaunchedat theirfeet,orsimilardisplaysofanger andfrustrationfromachildwhohas beenmaskingtheirfeelingsalldayThis canbedifficultforaparenttodeal with,butsometimesknowingthatyour childfeelssafeandcomfortablein expressingtheirfeelingscanhelpyou asaparenttoprocessyourfeelings aroundthis.Alsohavingemergency snacksassoonastheycomeoutofthe school, sometimes alleviates the emotionaloverwhelm!

Somechildrencangotoschoolfeeling safe,contentandmotivatedtolearn Forothers,itcanbeamorecomplex anddifficulttransitiontoadjusttoand parentsmaylongforthenon-eventful drop-offatschoolwheretheirchild goesinwitheaseInsteadexperiencing anuphillstruggleeverydaycanbe emotionallyandphysicallydrainingFor parentsitcanseemlikeanemotional rollercoasterforbothyouandyour child,thingsmaybegoingalongata steadypace,thensomethinghappens, andyoulosethatfalsesenseof security and are faced with overcomingyetanothereducational hurdleAfteratime,insomecases,this cansadlybecomethenormuntilthere isasignificantchangeinsupportor learningcircumstances.

Thereisthepotentialtodevelop animosity towards the education systemandtheprofessionalswhowork

withinthesetting,weallareprone tohavinganegativebias,and situationslikethiscanfeedit However,beforeresentmentkicksin, itisimportanttorememberyouare workinginasystemwherebothyou andyourchosenschoolprimarily havethesamegoal,meetingthe learningneedsofyourchild.

Communicationcanhelpmatters

Talktoyourchild’steacheror SENDCOcanhelpthesituationAsa parent,youknowyourchildbest andhaveawealthofknowledge andexperienceofwhatworksfor themandwhattheyneedfortheir needstobemetWorkingwiththe schoolcanaidinsupportingyou andyourchildwithengagingin schoolbutalsohelptosupportthe teachingandsupportstaffto encourageyourchildtolearnina waythatisgoingtohelpthem reachtheirpotential

Workingtogetheralsoopens optionsforsupportlikethe graduatedpathwayofsupportfor childrenwhohaveadditional learningneeds,whereschoolscan accesssupportservicesforchildren whoneedthem.

Whenthingsdon’tworkout

Sometimesyoucanworkwiththe schoolandotherprofessionalsand stillfindthattheschoolsystemisn’t therightfitforyourchildYoumay

feelyouhavenooptionbutto relinquishthisavenueofeducation andmaydecidewithseemingly limitedoptions,tohome-educateas analternative,whichparentsdo successfullyandwithgreatoutcomes fortheirchildren.

However,ifhomeeducationisn’t somethingyouwouldwanttoembark on,thereareotheroptionsintheform ofspecialistSENschoolsand educationotherwisethanatschool (EOTAS)whichyourLocalAuthority canusetosupportyourchild’sneeds incircumstanceswhereaschoolisn’t therightfitforyourchild.

Asaparent,IfeelthatIhavelearnta greatdealabouttheeducation systeminthelast5years,ithasbeen incrediblydifficultattimes,butithas beenempoweringtoknowthatothers havethoughtabouttheeducational needsofthechildThishasbeen drawnupintolegislation,and implementedinpoliciesand procedures,forchildrentogetthe educationwhichissuitablefortheir needs

Sometimesyouhavetolookforthe answers,buttheyarethere,and workingwithprofessionalsand educationalsettingstoovercome thosehurdlestogether,doesmakethe situationalessisolatingandlonely placetobein.

Overcomingthehurdlesoftheeducation systemwebinar

Tuesday28thMarch 10am-12pm

https://wwwinspiretraininggroupcom/upcomingevents

WhyIWobbleatEaster

Easterwaswhentheyfirsttookmeintocare

Ididn’tknowwhoI’dstaywithandIdidn’tknowwhere

Iwasonly4yrsoldsoIcan’treallyremember

ButitwascertainlyMarchorApril,definitelynotSeptember

Theladygaveuschocolate, atinylittleRabbit

Chocolatemademehappy, soIsoondevelopedahabit

Sugarrushingthroughme, meltingallthefear

Shetriedtohugmysister, butIwouldn’tlethernear

NowI’moldandwiserandmostlyknowmystuff

ButIstillstrugglewithEaster,Ifinditreallyrough MytummystartstowobbleandIhavejellylegs

WhenIseemybrotherandsisterswithalltheirlovelyeggs!

WrittenbySarahDillon

ASKTHEEXPERTS

Letourteamofexpertswithfirst-handexperience,guideyouthroughsomeofthosetrickyTIP moments!

My5-year-oldfostersonhasbeenwithus foramonthnowandisdelightful,butthe SocialWorkersaysheis‘inthehoneymoon period’ShouldIbeworried?

KRDorset

SarahNaishreplies:

Althoughtheinitial periodwhenchildren moveinwithanew familyissometimes referredtoasthe 'honeymoon'periodI've alwaysfeltthatthisisa misleadingtermIt's

moreofa‘checkingyououttoseeifI’msafe’ period!

Thechildcomestoyouandfeelsunsafe,fearing theworst.Theirpreviousexperiencehasalmost certainlyledthemtofearadults

YouareanadultThesourceoftheirnurtureANDfearno matterhowlovelyyouare!Thechild’ssurvivalinstinctis toensurethatyoudonothurtthem,andthatyoumeet theirimmediatephysicalneeds.Inordertoachievethis, firstofalltheyaredriventomakeyouinvestinthemand keepthemsafe.Entirelyinstinctively,theymaywellbe acquiescent,charminganddelightfulTheymakesure thatyouseetheyposenothreattoyou,bytakingup hobbiesandinterestswhichmaymirroryourownorbe somethingyouhaveindicatedyouwouldLIKEthemto doThisisnotathought-outstrategyIthappensatan instinctivelevel.

Onceyouhaveboughtyourtickets,investedinthechild andaresittinginthefrontrow,theshowcanbeginOnly then,whenthechildknowsthatyouhaveinvestedalot oftimeandeffortbuyingtheticket,cantheysafelyshow theirtrueinnerbehavioursandfearsMostofusdonot askforourmoneybackandspendagreatdealmore timetryingtofindthechildwhomovedinoriginallyThat childdoesnotexist.Thatchildworeamask,andthat maskhaskeptthemaliveYouareprivilegedtomeetthe realchildwhentheyfeelsafeenoughtotakeitoff.

My 9-year-old adopted daughter watches EVERYTHING! I understand she is hypervigilant, but why? And whatcanIdo?

MBGuildford

Thechild’sInternalWorkingModelinformsthemthat adultsareextremelydangerousandunpredictable. Thesmallestdeparturefromthenormtriggersthe amygdala,andthefight/flightresponseisinitiated. Thiscausesdilationofthepupils-hence“eyeslike saucers”-andoxygenatedbloodtoflowtotheheart andthemusclesinpreparationforafight

Thisisthechild’shardwiredresponsetolifeasaresult oftheexperiencesthathaveformedtheircortex

JaneMitchellreplies:

Itissohardforparentsto liveunderthisintense scrutiny,andto understandwehaveto taketheperspectiveof thechildthathasknown theintensestressoftheir verysurvivalbeingatrisk. Ifachildhaslivedin terrorduringa

significantperiodoftheirliveswhentheywere powerless,inordertosurvivetheylearntoreadthe tiniestsignalscontainedinbodylanguage,facial expressionandmovementandtorespondtothese stimuli

It'shelpfultouseConsistency,Predictability,Reliability (CPR)tohelpthechildtopredicttheirenvironmentVisual timetables,routines,andstructurehelptominimise surprises

It'salsousefultoensureyourdaughterisgivenwarnings suchas‘theremightbeanoiseinamomentbecause’ etcAlso,remembertoexplaintoyourdaughterwhyshe ishypervigilant.Ithelpsourchildrensomuchto understandthecauseoftheirownbehavioursYoumight saysomethinglike“Ihavenoticedthatyouarealways checkingwhereIamandwhatIamdoingIthinkthatis becauseadultshavenotalwayshelpedyoutofeel safe/leftyoualone/weresometimesscary/shoutedalot Iamsosorrythathappenedtoyou.Iwillkeephelping youbykeepingyousafe“

SURVIVINGEASTER

WrittenByEmmaEdwards

WrittenByEmmaEdwards.

Nodoubtifyouhaveenteredasupermarket overthelastmonthortwoyoumayhave noticedthesmellofhotcrossbunsorseenthe aislesdecoratedwitheggs,rabbitsandchicks, withbrightshinyboxesandfoilintheattempt

tolureyouintobuyingmassesofchocolateeggsallin thenameofEaster

Formany,Easterisanexcitingtimespentwithfamily andfriends,bonnetparades,egghuntsandlotsof chocolatebutforothersitcanbeastressfultime bringingdysregulation,overwhelmandsugarinfused meltdowns.

ToooftenweareledtobelievewhatEastershouldlook likeduetopictureperfectimagesonsocialmediaand infilmswherefamiliesgathertogetherforbeautifully cookedmeals,swapgifts,goforlongpeacefulwalksin thecountryside,havefunfindingeggsinwellplanned Easteregghuntsandenjoyingeachother’scompany filledwithfunandlaughterUnfortunately,formany, theseimagesarefarfromthetruthandaresceneswe canonlydreamof.

Whateveryourplans,itisimportanttoaccept whatisrightforyourfamily'scircumstances. Whetherthatisfollowingfamilytraditionsand beliefs,meetingupwithfamilyandfriends,going awayfortheweekendorjusthavingaquietdayat homeifitworksforyouthatisallthatmatters

Likeallholidaysitisagoodideatoplanin advancewhatyouaregoingtodo.Easteris usuallyinthemiddleofatwo-weekschoolbreak, soalreadyyournormaldailyroutinewillbe different.Plantheweekanduseadailytimetable, sothereisavisualreminderofthedayOftenthe unknownisscaryforourchildrensoknowingwhat ishappeningcanreducetheiranxietiesand overwhelm.Itisimportanttokeeptoyournormal daily routine as much as possible for predictability,keepingmealsandbedtimesthe same.

Youmaywishtoplaninsomeoutdooractivities, likeatriptotheparkorabikeridetoburnoffthe excessenergy,especiallyiflotsofchocolateand sweetthingshavebeeneatenIfoutandabout

Photo: ©Anncapictures from Pixabay via www.canva.com

youcouldlookforlargefallenbrancheswhichyou cantakehome,standinapotanddecoratewith ribbonsandpaperdecorationsandhaveitasyour ‘Eastertree’Also,planforsomequietermomentsso youcanallhavesomepeaceandquietAfamily movieorquietactivitycanbewelcomedown-time evenforthemostactiveofchildren

FindoutwhatEastermeansforyourchildOften,we assumethatourchildrenautomaticallyunderstand orknowexpectationsofcelebrationsandevents.For many,itcanbescaryandtheywillneedhelpand supporttonavigatethesetimesTheymaynot understandthemeaningofEasterandwhywe celebrate.TheymayhaveheardthestoryofJesuson thecrossandhavemanyquestionsorfears Sometimesthesefearsorworriescancomeoutofthe blueandmaytakeawhileforyoutounderstand wheretheycamefrom.Forexample,lastyearwehad areallytrickyGoodFridayFromthemomenthewoke upmysonwasonedgeHecouldn’tsettleandhis behaviourthroughoutthedaywasunusuallydifficult. Itwasn’tuntiltheeveningwhenitallcametoahead, andheaskedusifwecanskipgoodFridaynextyear ashefoundittoodifficulttobehave,thatwerealised thathethought‘GoodFriday’meantthathehadtobe ‘Good’andhadputsomuchpressureonhimselfto behavethathebecametoooverwhelmedand dysregulatedForothers,theycangetcarriedawayin thefantasyoftheEasterbunnyandchocolateandall thelovelythingsthattheywanttodo,whichmaybe completelydifferentfromyourownideasSo,itis importanttoaddressthisandmanageexpectations tosavedisappointmentontheday.

Aschocolateisinevitablygoingtoplayapartinyour Eastercelebrationsitisimportanttomanagethis appropriatelyforyourchild.Somechildrencan munchawayonchocolateandsweetthingswithout anyconsequencebutforotherswhomayhavean addictiontosugarorissueswithfooditcanbea differentstory.Didyouknowthatsugarisreportedly 7-8timesmoreaddictivethatopioidssuchas cocaine?

Decideinadvanceonhowyouaregoingtomanage thisIfreceivinglargevolumesofchocolateeggswill betrickyforyourchild,speakwithfamilyandfriends andofferalternativesuggestions,abook,colouring

padandpencilsorsmallcraftitemsareoftengood alternatives.Youcouldswopchocolateeggsinyour egghuntforplasticeggs,eachchildhavingadifferent colourtocollectIfyouwishtoyoucanfilleacheggwith astickerorsmallprizeThiswilllowertheamountof chocolateyouwillhavetodealwith.Youwillthenhave todecideifyouarehappyforyourchildtohavecontrol oftheireggsandmanagetheirownconsumptionor whetheryouwillneedtoputthechocolateawayand manageitforthem.Thiscanbringitsowndifficultiesfor yourchildren;Willtheygettheirchocolateback?Will someoneelseeatit?Arejustacoupleofworriesthat mayarise.Youcouldbuyyourchildtheirownboxto keeptheirchocolateeggsinwhicharethenputina safeplace

Ifyouhaveanexcessofchocolate,youcanbecreative inhowitisconsumedYoucanaddittohotmilkto makehotchocolate,makericecrispycakesoreven meltitdownandmakeachocolatefonduewith strawberriesandotherfruits

Whateverhappensoverthisperiod,itisimportantnotto behardonyourselfDon’tgetcaughtupinthe commercialhypeifitisnotwhatyourfamilycan manage,enjoythelittlethingsandtakeeachdayasit comes.Ifitgetstoostressfulyoucanalwaysreward yourselfwiththeexcesschocolatetomakeyourselffeel better

Photo:©VectorFusionArtfromGettyImagesviawww.canva.com

Therapeutic Fostering or Standard Fostering Is there a Difference?

WrittenbyAlisonDouglas.

When I adopted my two children,Ididn’tknowthey neededadifferentkindof parenting.Well,theytaught meprettyfast!

Inthesameway,asamanagernowof twotherapeuticfosteringagencies,I oftenmeetsupportingprofessionals whotalkabout‘standardfostering’and ‘therapeuticfostering’Thereseemsto beamisguidedbeliefthatsome childreninthecaresystemhave magicallyescapedanyimpactof traumaandcanthereforecopewith ‘StandardParenting’InthedecadesI haveworkedinthesector,Ihaven’tyet metthischild

Whenwedecidedtoestablishthe agencies,weknewrightfromthestart thatwewouldnothaveFosterCarers, butqualifiedtrauma-informed TherapeuticFosterParentsThisisthe leastourchildrendeserve.

OurTherapeuticFosterParentscommit tolearningaboutandpractising therapeuticparentingWehavean ethosoflearningtogetherasweareall co-professionals.

Fosterparentsarewiththechildren 24/7andgettoknowthechild’s emotions,behaviours,feelings,and everythingthatmakesthemunique Theyarethereforeexpertsonthechild andmustbeincludedinmeetingsWe standalongsidefamiliesandmuchof theworkwedo

istoeducatelocalauthoritysocial workersabouttherapeuticparenting andtherapeuticfostering

Ourapproachbeginswiththe TherapeuticFosteringAssessmentThis isaninnovative,streamlined assessmentdevisedbyTheCentreof ExcellenceinChildTraumawhich dovetailswithbespoketrainingin TherapeuticFosteringCompletionof thetraininggivesfosterparentsaLevel 2TherapeuticFosteringCustomised Qualificationwhichisaccreditedbythe recognisedawardingbodyCACHE.It meansthatbythetimefosterparents cometopanel,theyareequippedwith thenecessarybasicunderstandingto therapeuticallyparentafosterchild Onceapproved,thereisawraparound staffteamtosupportthemconsisting ofanAttachmentTherapist(leading thetrainingandsupportgroups, overseeingmatchingandholdingone tooneconsultations),atherapeutic supervisingsocialworker,anempathic listener(someonewhoisorhas practicedtherapeuticparenting themselves)andachildsupportworker fordaytodaytasks.

Theendresultofhavingatrainedteam (includingfosterparents)who understandtherapeuticparentingis thatstaffandfosterparentsarewell supportedandgivenpractical strategiestohelpchildrensettleand

formattachmentsChildrenbeginto makesenseoftheirpasttraumaand learnnewwaysofthinkingand behaving.

Familybreakdowns(weneverusethe term‘placement’)areaveryrare occurrenceandusuallyhappendue toexternalfactorslikeasudden changeincontactwithoutagency consultation

Thiswayofworkingisnotfor everyoneSomefosterparentsand applicantsfindittoodifficulttomove awayfromstandardparenting responses,evenwitharobustsupport service

LiketoknowmoreaboutTherapeutic Fostering?ifyouthinkyouareupto thechallengeandwanttobea therapeuticfosterparentyoucan readallaboutithere;

FosteringinEngland wwwtruefosteringcom

FosteringinWales wwwsaferfosteringorguk

Atoureventsinourtherapeutic fosteringagency,weareoftenasked toexplainhowwearedifferent.The shortansweriswearedifferentin everywaypossible!

Photo: ©Rido via

WHAT'SON?COECTEVENTS

March-May2023

PEERSUPPORT-VIRTUAL LISTENINGCIRCLES

VirtualListeningCirclesdatesfrom20thMarch–31st May2023

Monday27thMarch-VirtualListeningCircle:Schools Issuestinyurlcom/3cnz2ma3

Monday3rdApril–VirtualListeningCircleforAustralia tinyurl.com/bdzb6vh5

Friday28thApril-VirtualListeningCircleforAdoptive andFosterParents tinyurlcom/mr4x4kmk

Monday8thMay–VirtualListeningCircleforAustraliatinyurlcom/mtrvwewd

FAMILYCIRCLES

FamilyCircle:

Wednesday12thApril–GloucestershireFamilyCircle tinyurlcom/ywm2tnht

JoinSarahNaishandSarahDillonata ListeningCircleinPeterboroughon Tuesday21March2023at7.00pm

Formoredetails-https://tinyurlcom/2n4urf9h

SarahNaishandSairPennaarehostinga ListeningCircleinPortTalboton Wednesday29March2023at7.30pm

Formoredetails-https://tinyurlcom/yu2td8dx

PEERSUPPORT-IN-PERSON LISTENINGCIRCLES

In-PersonListeningCircleDatesfrom20thMarch–31st May2023

Tuesday21stMarch–GloucestershireListeningCircle tinyurlcom/t5j2xyh3

Tuesday21stMarch-PeterboroughListeningCircletinyurl.com/mryvfnfw

Wednesday22ndMarch–CambridgeshireListening Circletinyurl.com/48tyh34f

Monday27thMarch–WestMidlands(SuttonColdfield) ListeningCircle tinyurlcom/2p83vfyv

Tuesday11thApril-CambridgeshireListeningCircletinyurlcom/393ct8a3

Friday14thApril-SomersetListeningCircle tinyurl.com/27bpdhtd

Friday5thMay-SomersetListeningCircle tinyurlcom/227cp9sa

Tuesday9thMay–CambridgeshireListeningCircle tinyurl.com/y7crbjjt

Wednesday10thMay–GloucestershireWalkandTalk tinyurlcom/2wnv37mp

Monday22ndMay–GloucestershireWalkandTalk tinyurlcom/2rjcxy6w

WOULDYOUBEINTERESTEDINJOININGUSASA VOLUNTEERLISTENINGCIRCLECOORDINATOR?

WearehostingonlineNATPVolunteerInformationSessionsCome alongandjoinoneofourSessionstofindoutmore:

Monday20thMarch-tinyurl.com/ywm2tnht

Tuesday2ndMay-tinyurlcom/ywm2tnht

WHAT'SON?COECTEVENTS

March-May2023

TRAINING&WEBINARS.

OvercomingthespecificchallengesinKinshipCare 27thMarch2023,10am-12noon(GMT)

OvercomingthespecificchallengesinKinshipCare including: Navigatingthesystem ·TraumaintheFamily. Changingrelationships

Formoredetailsgoto: https://wwwinspiretraininggroupcom/eventdetails/overcoming-the-specific-challenges-in-kinshipcare

Overcomingthehurdlesoftheeducationsystem 28thMarch202310AM-12noon(GMT)

AsaParentareyouconfusedandstrugglingwiththe educationsystem?Thenthiswebinarisforyou! Overcomingthehurdlesandnavigatingtheeducation& schoolsystem

Formoredetailsgoto: https://www.inspiretraininggroup.com/eventdetails/overcoming-the-hurdles-of-the-educationsystem

Trainingisavailableinotherlocations contactinspire@coectcouktoregister yourinterest.

ONLINETRAINING

TraumaRevolutionWebinars

Homework–22ndMarch,10AM-11AM(GMT)

Doesyourchildgetangryorfrustratedabouttheir homeworktasks?Maybetheyrefusetocompletethis altogether?Homeworkcanbeaveryoverwhelmingthing forourchildren,joinusfora45-minutewebinaroffering usefulstrategiesanda15-minuteQ+Atoaskany questionsyoumayhave!

Hypochondria–29thMarch,10AM-11AM(GMT)

Recognisingthecauseofhypochondriacanhelpusto moderatetheexasperationwefeel,butitisverydifficultto alwaysbecaringandnurturingwhenweknowourchildis fineand'fakingit'Thisone-hourwebinaroffersexpert strategiestohelpyoudealwiththeseissues

Hypervigilance–3rdApril,10AM-11AM(GMT)

Joinusforour1-hourwebinaronHypervigilancewith best-sellingauthorSarahNaish,therewillbestrategieson whythismightbehappeningandwhatitcanlooklike Therewillalsobeanopportunitytoaskanyquestionsyou mayhaveintheQ+A.

JokingandTeasing–18thApril,12noon-1PM(GMT)

Doesyourchildstruggleto‘get’jokes?Ordotheytease andtauntotherstoanextentthatisn’tacceptable?Join usforourwebinaronjokingandteasing,takingalookat whyitmightbehappeningandusefulstrategies surroundingthis

Lateness–27thApril,10AM-11AM(GMT)

Doesyourchildreturnhomelatewithnoawarenessof time?Ormaybetheyrefusetogetoutofbed.Thereare manyreasonswhythismighthappen,joinustolookat preventativestrategiesandwaystodealwithlateness duringandafter

ChoosingDifficulties–4thMay,12noon-1PM(GMT)

Yourchildmaystruggletomakeachoicebetweena smallnumberofoptionsorbeunabletomakeadecision altogetherInthiswebinar,wewilltakealookatwhythis mightbehappeningaswellasprovidemanydifferent strategiestohelpyou.

MemoryIssues–9thMay,12noon-1PM(GMT)

Memoryissuescanbeportrayedinmanydifferentways byourchildren,joinustohavealookatsomeofthe reasonsbehindthisfinishingwitha15-minuteQ+Aforany questionsyoumayhavesurroundingthissubject.

Tobookoneofthewebinars,orfindoutmoreaboutthe TraumaRevolutionTrainingPassclickonthelinktoour websitehttps://wwwtraumarevolutioncouk/events

WHAT'SON?COECTEVENTS

March-May2023

WELLBEING,COACHINGANDTHERAPY THEHAVENPARENTINGANDWELLBEINGCENTREEVENTS

MAY2023

CompassionFatigueDayRetreat £125(25%discountappliesforNATPmembers)

Date:Friday19thMay10AM-4PM

Location:Cheltenham,Gloucestershire

Comeandjoinusforadayofrelaxation, reflection,andrejuvenationinGloucestershire

Thedaystronglyemphasisestakingcareof ourselvesthroughgroupsessionsandindividual activitiesforself-development.therewillalsobe anopportunitytorelaxandresetintheafternoon withtheuseofthehotel’sspafacilities

Bookingdetails:Pre-bookonlineat wwwthehavencentrecouk/events

CompassionFatigueInterventionPackages

Lookingaftermentalandphysicalhealthisso importantinorderforindividualstothriveand maintainahealthywell-being.Prioritisingtime foryourselvesisnotalwayseasybutbymaking thattimeyoucanhavethementalandphysical capacitytocareforothers

Youcanfindmoreinformationonhowwecan helpyoutointerruptcompassionfatigueand buildresiliencetopreventitinthefutureonour website

Formoredetailsgoto: https://www.thehavencentre.co.uk/services-1

AdoptionSupportFundinghasbeenmade accessibleforselectedpackages.

TRAUMAINFORMEDQUALIFICATIONS

ThroughInspireTrainingwehaveasuiteofqualificationstosupportparentsand supportingprofessionalswhoworkwithchildrenwhohaveexperiencedadverse childhoodexperiencesandneurodivergentchildren

Level2SAfEParenting:ATherapeuticParentingApproach

ThisisaLevel2onlinecustomisedqualificationaccreditedbynationally recognisedawardingbodyCACHENCFEundertheirCACHEaccreditation. Cantakeupbetween3-6monthstocomplete.

Perfectforindividualswhowanttolearnandimplementtherapeutic parenting.

Level3TherapeuticParentingProgramme

ThisisaLevel3onlineInspireTrainingGroupqualificationforthoselearners lookingforadetailedintroductiontotherapeuticparenting.

ThishasaprogressionroutetotheDiplomainTherapeuticParenting accreditedwithNCFECACHE

Level3DiplomainTherapeuticParenting

ThisisaLevel3onlinecustomisedqualificationaccreditedbythe nationallyrecognisedawardingbodyCACHENCFEundertheirNCFE accreditation.Itcoversbasicandadvancedstrategiesoftherapeutic parentingandtakesayeartocomplete

ThishasaprogressionroutetotheAwardinTherapeuticParentCoaching accreditedwithNCFECACHE

Level3Award/DiplomainTherapeuticParentCoaching

TwonewadditionstoourqualificationsistheLevel3onlinecustomised qualificationaccreditedbynationallyrecognisedawardingbodyCACHE NCFEundertheirCACHEaccreditationThisenablesthelearnertogainthe knowledgeandcoachingtechniquesinordertobecomeatherapeutic parentingcoach

Pleasenote:Apre-requisitefortheAwardistheLevel3Therapeutic ParentingProgramme.

Formoreinformationonourqualificationsgoto wwwinspiretraininggroupcom/qualifications

ListeningCircleViewpoint: SteveNewton’sFamilyCircle

Stevehaskindlygivenusaninsightintothefamilycircles herunsforNATP,wherefamiliescanspendsomemuchneededdowntime,withotherlike-mindedfamilies.

Thecentreissecureanddedicatedtoouruseforthe sessionTherearenootherparentsorkidstoworryabout Noglancesorlooks.That'swhythecentrewassetup.

InitiallyforDisabledchildrenandtheirfamiliesAsa volunteerforthecharity,Ihaveseenhowsimilarourneeds areandhowgreatthecentreisforourfamiliesAsitisonly usthereduringthecircleeveryonethereunderstands everyoneandtherearenojudgementsEventhekidsseem toinstinctivelyknowthisMorethanonceIhaveheard parentsatthecirclesexclaimhowsurprisedtheyarethat theirchildismakingfriendshipsandplayingwhennormally theyfindthathardThekidslovethecentreandalwayslike comingback

Parentsgetachancetositandtalkorjustchillsometimesfallasleepinthebeanbags-knowingthekids aresafeNomeansofrunningawayordoingsomething theyshouldn'tIfoverstimulated,thesensoryroomis perfectforhelpingregulation

Thereisakitchen-behindaheavycode-lockeddoor-that parentscanusetoheatupfoodormaketeas/coffees Standardanddisabledtoiletswithchangingfacilities. ComputersandanXboxSoftplay,toysandbooks

Ifsomeonewantstotalk,wedoIfjustchill,wedothatalso Thereisa'parents'room.Awayfromthekids,youcantake amomentorhaveprivateconversationsoutofearshot Sometimesusedinsteadofthesensoryroomtojust removeanoverstimulatedchildtocalmdownThishasn't beenrequiredinthefamilycircles.Butparentsatthe Disabledclubshave

Assomeonewhohasbeenvolunteeringatthe DisabledSaturdayclubsforover6years,Ihaveseen lotsofmeltdownsandover-stimulatedchildren,and otherchallengesThecentrehasbeenagreatfacility formanagingandlettingparentsandthewhole familyhaveaplaceofsafetyandacceptanceand friendship.Withlike-mindedparentsmeeting, sharingandcaring

Oneofthemagicspellsinthecentreisseeingan anxiousparent/familycomeforthefirsttime Expectingtobeonedgeandonhighalertwiththeir kids.Andwatchingthemrelaxoverthetimetheyare hereLeavinghappyandexcitedtocomebackAnd whilstit'snotalwaysfunfortheparents,Ienjoy seeingkidswhoarenervousaboutthereactionthey maygetfromothersgetupsetwhenit'stimeto leave.Thisiswhysessionendsareneverhardstops. AndarealwaysgentlytransitionsTakingtime,the familyneedtotransitionfromplaytogoinghome

TofindoutmoreaboutSteve’sFamilycircleand otherNATPlisteningcirclesgoto https://wwwnaotpcom/listeningcircles

Photo: ©Steve Newton.

Photo: ©Steve Newton.

Spring Wellbeing

- Being Mindful When Taking Care of Ourselves

Whenyouthinkabouttheterm ‘Mindfulness’Whatcomestomind?

Doyouhavevisionsofyourself attemptingtositcross-leggedona yogamat?

Maybeparticipatinginasilentretreat meditation?

Yes,thesearemindfulnessactivitiesbut don’tworryifthisdoesn’tappealtoyou, understandingwhatmindfulnessiswill helpyoutoselectactivitieswhichyou willfindappealingtotry,andmost importantly,thatyouenjoydoing.

Mindfulness–whatdoesitmean?

Thetermmindfulnessmeansbeing ‘presentandfocusedonthehereand now’Tobeintenselyawareofwhatyou aresensingandfeelinginthemoment Thoughtsmayenteryourmindwithin thatmoment,anditisimportantto meetthemwithacceptanceandlet themgo

Mindfulnessalsoallowsyoutoembrace theopportunityorquiettimefor relaxationwhereyouarefocusingon beingpresentatthemomentand awareofyourbreathingtohelpyouto relaxyourbody

Nowatthispoint,itmayhavecrossed yourmindthatforthistohappenyou:

A)Mightpossiblyneedtobealoneor withpeoplewhoarenotgoingto distractyou

B)Mayneedtobeinanenvironment whichinvitesyoutobecomecalmand relaxed

Someofyouwhoareparentsmayalso bethinkingofthepossibilitiesforwhere thisopportunitywillexist,youmayalso bethinkingthoseopportunitiesmaybe limited

PossibilitiesmaybethebathroomThe gardenshedThecarAlthoughitmay bedoubtfulthatyouwillbealone. Asfortherelaxingenvironment,you maybeconjuringupvisionsofstepping overaseaoftoys,withtheoddLego piecestickinginbetweenyourtoesfor goodmeasure,to

j pg aroundyouonyourownpersonalsofa bouncycastleThiscouldslightly dampentherelaxingatmosphere,to saytheleast

Thegoodthingwithmindfulnessisthat youcanbepresentforacoupleof minutes,itdoesn’thavetobealong time,evenafewminuteswillhelpyou tofocusyourmindandallowyouto practice.Themorepracticeyouget, themoreyouwillbeabletofocuson thecalmandletgoofanyworriesfora momentintime

Stillnotsurewhattodo?That’sOK, hereare5waystoaddmindfulness intoyourday

Exercise–focusingonthepresent canreallyhelpyoutoenjoy exercise,pushyourselffurtherto achieveyourfitnessgoals,and therearebenefitstothisTheeffort youputinwillhelptoreducelevels ofthestresshormonecortisoland alsohelptoproducethosehappy hormones(endorphins,serotonin, oxytocin,anddopamine),the happyhormone

Spendtimeoutside–Gettingsome freshaircanreallyhelptoblowthe cobwebsawayandallowyoutofeel morerefreshedTakingawalkinthe woodscanhelpfocusyourattention onyoursurroundings.Thisisalso knownasforestbathing,anancient

g and relaxinginnatureBeinginthewoods, takinginthesightsandsoundscan helpthestressedpartsofyourbody torelaxItisalsoagreatwayof allowingyourselfashortdigitaldetox fromphonesandothertechnology, especiallyifthedensewoodland offerslittleopportunityforaphone signal

Savouradrink–Warmorcold. Take5minutestoenjoythetaste, smell,andsightofyourfavourite drinkSavouringthemoment whilstyoudrinkupcanbe comfortingafterabusymorning, afternoon,ordayAwelcomed momentofcalmandtimeforyou

Writeinajournal–Spendtime writingajournal,theprocessof puttingpentopaperitselfcan helpthethinkingprocessA gratitudejournalgreatwayof focusingonwhatyouaregrateful foratthatmomentandpresents anopportunitytofocusonthe goodpartsofthedayJournallng canalsogiveyouaccesstoyour subconsciousmind,writingdown whatevercomesintoyourmind helpsyoutomakesenseofyour feelings,beliefsandpatterns whichaffectyourlifeItalsohelps toconnecttheconsciousmind withthesubconsciousand developyourownawarenessof self

Photo: ©Felipe Acuna Viera from Getty Images via www.canva.com

Readabook–Whetherit’slearningaboutanew subjectorreadingforabitofescapismfrom everydaylife,makingtimeforreadingcanhelp youfocusonthestoryatthatmomentintime

Spendtimewithothers–Whetheryouspendtime withfamilyorfriends,detachingyourselffromthe dailyroutineandtakingtimeouttospendtime doingsomethingelse,likesharingameal,ora favouritepastimewithotherscanpromote contentmentandrelaxation.

Wehaveexploredafewideashereandhopefully, youcanthinkofafewmorethatyoumaybeableto usetopracticemindfulnessthroughoutthedayto promotecalmandfocus

ThenightbeforeEaster

‘TwasthenightbeforeEaster, Andnothingdidstir, Mummyhadwine

Itwasallaniceblur

Thechocolatewashidden, Thechildrenasleep, Nodramaatbedtime, Notevenapeep

Thehugechocolateeggs,anicetemptingprize, Hadsweetenedthechildrentosoonclosetheireyes

Apartfromonehouse

Thehouseonthecornerhadallitslightson, Thechildrenwerescreaming,theEasterEggsgone! Theeggshadbeeneaten,butNOONEhadseenthem, (Justchocolateandhandprintswithsickinbetweenthem)

Theparentsaskedwhy,butthechildrendeniedit, (TheyknewnottosayRosiehadsuppliedit), Theyoungestadmittedshe'd'justhadalick' Thedogwanderedpast,hopefullyeyeingthesick

Theparentssoontiredofallthemadlying, Theblamingandshouting,thepointingandcrying, ‘It'sjustsuchashame,’Mumsaid-withsadface, ‘Asnowthere'snotimeforeggstobereplaced!’

Nextmorningatbreakfasttheirfacesweresad, Itlookedlikeremorse-butMumcouldnotbehad, She'dfoundtheeggwrappersallundertheirbed

NoEastereggs-'Naturalconsequences,'shesaid

Shesharedintheirsadnessandnurturedtheirpain, Thenlatertheywentforawalkintherain, Whentheyreturnedtheyallhelpedtomake, ArathernicechocolateEastercake!

(Whichtheythenarguedabout)

SarahNaish

Photo: ©Retha Fergusan from Pexels via www.canva.com