Complete Wellbeing May 2015 issue - Stress

Eat these to sleep better

p67

Are you too self-critical?

p42

Dancing as a therapy p84

Winner of the Medscape India award 2012 ISSN 2277 – 5153 VOL IX ISSUE 07 MAY 2015 ` 100 PAGES 100

Learn to usepotent the most o t e t o d i t an I[ t ’s free and ] y l t n a t s n i wo r k s p26

Editor’s insights

The illusion of stress

Manoj Khatri manoj.khatri@completewellbeing.com

infinitemanoj ManojKhatri

When we are stressed, we make poor decisions, our immunity falls and we fall sick easily, and you spread negativity around us 02 MAY 2015 VOL IX ISSUE 07

T

here was a man who worked in a hi-tech science laboratory. One day, late evening, he accidentally locked himself in the walk-in freezer room.

He screamed and banged on the door but no one heard him since his colleagues had all le the office by then. He a empted to break the door but it was made of heavy metal and there was no way he could’ve broken it. Soon, he began to feel cold, and weak. He started thinking that by the time people arrived the next morning, he would freeze to death. Sure enough the next morning his co-workers found him dead in the freezer room. He had all the signs of hypothermia—a severe drop in body temperature caused by prolonged exposure to cold temperatures. It perplexed everyone, including the physicians who performed the autopsy on him because the freezing apparatus in the room had broken down a few days ago. The poor man didn’t know this and had believed that the freezer was on. He literally believed himself to death.

While this extreme story seems apocryphal, the conclusion is all too common: Too oĞen, the dangers in our lives are mere imagination. Most of the troubles we worry about never transpire. But in our mind, we tend to not only anticipate the worst, but also exaggerate it. As a result, we are in constant fear of imminent dangers. In short, we live highly stressful lives—unnecessarily!

When stressed, we make poor decisions, our immunity falls and we fall sick easily, and we spread negativity around us. In spite of its pitfalls, stress has become so much a part of our psyche, we have come to accept it as the norm.

But, what if you could banish the daily stress that you experience which is mindmade and has li le to do with reality? What if you could eliminate the unnecessary worry and anxiety that steals away your peace of mind? And what if you could do this by learning to use a gi you were born with but have rarely ever used?

In this month’s cover story, author Michael Olpin, who has more been teaching the science of stress management and mind/body wellness for over 30 years, tells you how can be free from stress. “Stress happens when your thoughts project into your future or past, and those thoughts include pain of any kind. It is rarely, if ever, the current experience or event that causes the threat,” he writes as he offers five principles of the mind to help you understand why and how you create stress. He also suggests an easy yet fail-proof guide that will help you dissolve your stress instantly, every time.

I think you will find, as I did, his elaborate and meticulous elucidation quite valuable. You will also discover that almost always your stress is a ‘false positive’.

Byron Katie said, “I have never experienced a stressful feeling that wasn’t caused by a aching to an untrue thought. Behind every uncomfortable feeling, there’s a thought that isn’t true for us.” This realisation is freedom from stress.

COMPLETE WELLBEING

www.completewellbeing.com Vol IX Issue 07 MAY 2015

RNI No. MAHENG/2006/21415

/CompleteWellbeing

EDITOR & PUBLISHER | Manoj Khatri CONSULTING EDITOR | Dr Grazilia Almeida-Khatri SR COPY EDITOR & FEATURES WRITER | Wynrica Gonsalves EDITORIAL COORDINATOR | Joycelin Sequeira ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR | Amit Amdekar

/StayWell

SUMMARY OF CONTENTS

SR GRAPHIC DESIGNER | Mukesh Patel

TRENDING THIS MONTH >>

EDITORIAL OFFICE 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza, Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900 E-mail: editorial@completewellbeing.com

The mindful way to defuse stress

By Michael Olpin

EA TO PUBLISHER | Vidhu Marar CONSULTANT | Rahul Baji ADVERTISING SALES | M Shankar E-mail: adsales@completewellbeing.com

BULK SUBSCRIPTIONS Call: 022-6742 0900 SMS: ‘CW BULK’ to 7738387787 E-mail: copysales@completewellbeing.com SUBSCRIPTIONS Call: 022-6742 0900 SMS: ‘CW SUB’ to 7738387787 E-mail: subscriptions@completewellbeing.com PRINTED AT | Rajhans Enterprises PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY | Manoj Khatri, on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134, 4th Main Road, Industrial Town, Rajajinagar, Bangalore - 560044, and published from Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt. Ltd., 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza, Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900 Editor: Manoj Khatri © Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or in whole, in print, electronic or any other form, is strictly prohibited.

DISCLAIMER | Complete Wellbeing is dedicated to providing useful, well-researched information on holistic health/wellbeing, but its contents are not intended to provide medical advice/diagnosis for individual problems or circumstances, or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Readers are advised to always consult their physician/healthcare professional/therapist, prior to starting any new remedy, therapy or treatment, or practice, or with any questions they may have regarding a medical/health condition.

The views expressed by writers are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the editor, publisher, or Complete Wellbeing.

Using masculine pronouns ‘he’, ‘him’ or ‘his’ for subjects of unknown gender is considered prejudicial. We respect both genders and hence use feminine and masculine pronouns interchangeably.

Complete Wellbeing is not responsible for advertising claims.

COMPLETE WELLBEING

26

UNLEARN >>

Self-help 40 Stop attacking yourself

By Leslie Becker-Phelps

Career & workplace 52 Compassion for the corporate world

By Amy Morin

DECIDE >>

Marriage & intimacy 54 The correct way to give your partner feedback

By Melissa Leffler

Sleep 67 The food-sleep connection

By Joey Lott

VOL IX ISSUE 07 MAY 2015 03

MANAGE >>

Parenting 60 Dealing with your teenager’s need for privacy

By Mandy Kloppers 56

EXPLORE >>

Perspective 56 What my husband taught me by cheating on me

Living spaces 74 10 simple ways you can make your house ecofriendly

By Zoe Morrison

Ailments 88 Q & A on obesity

By Vimal Pahuja and Jayasshree Todkar

By Cleo Everest

Yógâ 82 Vedic chanting

By Samanta Duggal

RESOLVE >>

Complementary therapies 87 Practice of oil-pulling

Self-help 44 Setting your boundaries

Travel 90 The white lights of St

46

By Puja Madan

By V L Shyam

Taming internet trolls

By Raychelle Cassada Lohman

70

INDULGE >>

Food and nutrition 70 Cucumber recipes to cool off this summer

By Mallika Basu

REGULARS >> 08 Events

12 Talkback 14 Happy happenings 22 Write notes

Petersburg

37 Month freshener

By Somali Roy

38 Culture club

DISCOVER >>

Perspective 64 The Huna principles for healing

TRANSFORM >> Consciousness 78 Bring in the balance

By Osho

50 Confession booth 62 CW Select 96 New kits on the block 98 Reflections

By Matthew B James

Complementary therapies 84 The benefits of dance therapy

By Tripura Kashyap

82

04 MAY 2015 VOL IX ISSUE 07

COMPLETE WELLBEING

MONTH FRESHENER Infuse life into your days 1

Turn your phone OFF—not silent or on vibrate mode— before going to bed.

SAT

2

SAT

Be a good samaritan today and pick up litter on your way home from work; just make sure you carry gloves and a bag.

SUN

SUN

Mother’s day Book a spa treatment for your mom. She deserves to be pampered.

MON

9

10

SUN

Aim to make two people happy today— ensure that one of them is you.

MON

MON

World laughter day Give yourself a reason to laugh by recalling an embarrassing moment.

TUE

3

4

19

Grab your camera and have some fun clicking pictures of your kids.

WED

13

WED

THU

6

THU

7

FRI

8

14

If you have an unemployed friend, offer to help them search for a job.

FRI

SAT

16

Stay back in office and help a co-worker finish the project she’s working on.

Visualise a happy, joyful day ahead as soon as you wake up… it makes a huge difference!

WED

Get yourself a summer haircut and enjoy the compliments.

FRI

Pay a surprise visit to your old aunt or uncle.

Spend time listening to them and sharing memories.

27

THU

Take a five-minute break every few hours at work and practice deep breathing.

29

FRI

Praise your office pantry staff—it will make their day.

30

22

23

Decide to keep away from the internet this weekend. No emails.

No social networking either. You’ll love it!

TUE

26

20

SAT

15

Opt for fruits or vegetable juices instead of tea or coffee this week.

WED

21

Help an elderly neighbour by running an errand for them.

MON

25

18

TUE

11

12

17

Experiment in the kitchen today. Try a new recipe and pleasantly surprise everyone at home.

SAT

SUN

31

MY NOTE

Pot a plant; it’s a wonderful feeling to watch it grow.

www.completewellbeing.com

FRI

May 2015

Resolve self-help

“When you feel yourself becoming angry, resentful or exhausted, pay aĴention to where you haven’t set a healthy boundary.”

— Crytsal Andrus WHEN SAMANTHA MET ME for our first session, she said: “I hate leĴing people down. I tend to take on far more than I can handle. But I want to be someone who excels in the tasks at work and home. This is creating problems for my work-life balance as I simply don’t know when and how to stop. I find myself annoyed and exhausted as a result.”

We can burn out preĴy quickly if we don’t set clear and firm boundaries for ourselves. I find this is particularly true for mothers, business owners or anyone who is working with ‘babies’—literal of figurative responsibilities or projects that need nurturing and aĴention.

Here’s what you should be doing to create boundaries that respect your being.

Get clear about your priorities In my coaching programme and workshops, I invite participants to work on an exercise called ‘Your True North’. They look at their life from an aerial perspective and then break this down into short-term goals. Some questions that help them determine their True North are: what needs to be accomplished and experienced before they die? What legacy do they want to leave behind in their personal and professional lives? This exercise gives them crystal clarity about what’s important and what’s not. If a mother is busy with work and children, she doesn’t have to volunteer with the PTA. From this clarity about priorities, we can move onto the next step.

To prevent burning out, you need to set clear and firm boundaries for yourself

06 MAY 2015 VOL IX ISSUE 07

By Puja Madan

COMPLETE WELLBEING

Say no When we know exactly what’s important in the larger scheme of things, we can easily say no to events, people and opportunities that don’t align with our True North and life goals. I recommend learning the art of saying no. Let ‘No’ be a complete sentence. Say it without apologies, explanations or justifications. Sometimes we get caught up in trying to defend or over-explain our feelings and decisions. It’s OK to be gentle yet firm and direct. Repeat yourself if faced with resistance or criticism.

Remember these words by Gemma Stone: “Saying no to what deeply doesn’t ma er means you say yes to what does.”

Create inner boundaries with morning rituals According to Ayurveda, mornings from 4am to 10am are like spring season, se ing us up for the vitality and creativity needed for the summer [which lasts from 10am to 4pm]. Creating morning me-time rituals can help significantly in se ing clear intentions and moving our energy forward with clarity and focus. This time allows us to connect with our inner self and our boundaries.

These rituals don’t have to be complicated or time-consuming. Writing in your journal, a 10-minute meditation, a short walk, reading some affirmations, a quick dance, a cup of tea or coffee enjoyed leisurely are some examples. Tune in to see what practice you need to centre yourself and prepare emotionally, mentally and energetically for the day to come. This will help with prioritising and se ing boundaries.

Tune into feelings and bodily sensations Shakira wasn’t joking when she sang “hips don’t lie”. In fact our entire body serves as a navigational mechanism that can steer us clear of unhealthy, toxic people and experiences. While our mind might rationalise having our boundaries encroached upon, our body will not entertain any such breaches. I COMPLETE WELLBEING

ask my clients to use this faithful, powerful ally when making decisions. Through our bodily sensations we can tell if our boundaries are being trespassed. When an opportunity, task or conversation comes up, how does your body react? Does it feel tight, contracted, heavy? Or does it feel light and expansive?

Another technique is to feel the end result as if it has become a reality right now. How does that feel in the heart, body and mind? If it feels uncomfortable you probably need to protect your boundaries now.

Speak your truth with authenticity and power

Puja Madan is a holistic health coach, trained from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. She has been teaching meditation for over seven years. She is also a Reiki master.

Contact her at www. wildradiantwoman.com

Our words are powerful tools to relay our boundaries to others. We might be very good at se ing inner boundaries as discussed in point number three but unless we come across with clarity and power at the time of conversation, our words are of no use.

Disempowering words and expressions such as “Does that makes sense?”, “Kind of”, or the use of undermining qualifiers as we communicate our needs and boundaries result in us being taken less seriously. It’s important to be able to communicate clearly, authentically and powerfully both at home and at work.

Start practising at home by yourself and keep these words by Frank Outlaw in mind: “Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Building healthy boundaries is not something we’re taught as children at home or in school. It’s an acquired life skill that is as important as budgeting or taking care of our health. As we learn this skill and get be er at standing up for ourselves, we find more joy and vitality available to us in our daily life.

In which area of your life do you need to create healthier boundaries for yourself?

To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing, send ‘CW SUB’ to 07738387787

VOL IX ISSUE 07 MAY 2015 07

CONFESSION BOOTH

ILL OR ILLUSION? CONFESSIONS OF A HYPOCHONDRIAC

Kat Spitzer shares what it is like to be trapped in a healthy body with an ailing mind HYPOCHONDRIACS HIDE IN the recesses of their own minds. Their fears and worries swirl around in their brains and start to travel throughout their bodies, causing muscles to seize up, hearts to race, stomachs to clench.

One anxious thought overpowers everything rational and develops into an obsession. At some point, breathing becomes difficult and the tears start flowing because the hypochondriac is sure that the catastrophic event is surely just moments away from occurring.

Wearing a mask My name is Kat and I’m a hypochondriac. I sound like I could be at a support group, admi ing my addiction. But I haven’t found any support groups for this particular brand of addiction. I’m a person who can’t stop worrying about her health. Every day, the thought occurs to me that I might have some form of terminal illness. I go about my business and am a fairly productive mother, writer and 08 MAY 2015 VOL IX ISSUE 07

businesswoman. I smile, have a good sense of humour, and am cheerful. On the inside, however, I am constantly talking myself out of severe anxiety.

For a while I was too embarrassed to speak out about my affliction. It turns out I wasn’t fooling anybody. My constant need to put my fingers up to my neck and check to make sure my pulse was OK was a dead giveaway. I’m surprised my husband even wanted to date me when we first met. I take it as a sign of true love. He decided to stick around despite my constant questioning about heartburn issues, headaches, various pains, lumps and bumps.

Figuring out which symptoms are real and which aren’t The biggest problem we, as hypochondriacs, face is determining what is real and what we can ignore. This is not always easy. My mother died at the age of 44 from congestive heart failure. My father died at 65 from heart disease COMPLETE WELLBEING

and diabetes. When I get heartburn or any muscle pain around my chest region, I wonder, should I simply ignore it or should I run to the hospital? There is a fine line between reasonable and paranoid. I’m trying to steer myself away from the la er. Unfortunately, I’ve had some very real issues happen—like an episode of atrial fibrillation while I was pregnant with my son—which make me overanalyse every single feeling and sensation in my body, almost to the point of ridiculousness.

Working through my hypochondria What I’m realising is that rather than just questioning out loud whether I’m having a heart a ack, I’m find it’s be er to just admit that I have this issue of constantly fre ing about my health and try to work through it rationally. The friends and family around me appreciate the subtle change. I’ve also realised, since I’ve brought the issue of hypochondria out into the open in my life, that many other people feel the same way sometimes. Sure, not all the time, and not necessarily to the same extreme degree, but everyone has been anxious about health issues at some point, for themselves or someone they love.

The first step is admi ing my problem. So, I have a few confessions to make.

1 I go into every doctor visit with a wri en list of questions. This may seem over-thetop, but I like to think about it as taking control of my own health situation. Sometimes the doctor laughs, but he has also told me he appreciates the efficiency. He may be joking with me or trying to make me feel be er, but I applaud the sentiment.

I recommend you develop a good relationship with your doctor where you feel comfortable asking questions and feel satisfied about the explanations received in return.

2 I look symptoms up on the internet. I DO NOT recommend doing this. While knowledge is usually power, this kind of knowledge for a hypochondriac can be debilitating. The possibilities entrench themselves in my thoughts and even a er a doctor tells me not to worry, the upset can still linger.

3 I journal. Writing things down is a therapeutic way of pushing the negative thoughts out of my head and releasing COMPLETE WELLBEING

4

them onto the paper or into the computer.

It works wonders on my psyche, while offering the added benefit of improving my cra .

Because I chronicle my experiences, I discovered that some of my stories have been quite ridiculous and I’ve been able to laugh at them. It’s amazing how much perspective I can gain by looking back on a situation once I am away from the centre of the storm. I am able to see that with a positive a itude and sense of humour about my concerns, I am able to get through them more easily and feel be er overall.

Kat Spitzer is the author of The Happy Hypochondriac and The Happy Hypochondriac Survives World Travel.

She blogs at www. happyhypochondriac.com and is based in the USA.

Dealing with the stigma Well, I know I feel be er ge ing that off my chest! There is a stigma that surrounds hypochondria. I have lived my life feeling like I am a crazy person. Then I discuss the issue with other people I meet and they o en feel the same way. People are led to believe that hypochondria is not a ‘real’ thing, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to simply ‘get over it’ by people. That’s kind of hard to do if you are having a chest-tightening panic a ack that you can’t control. I guarantee you that those symptoms and feelings are very real at that particular moment.

I am worried that my anxieties and behaviours will pass on to my children and that my kids will turn into me. I don’t want to see little versions of me checking their pulse while they are watching TV. And it is for them that I am striving to change.

Fighting the thoughts in my head What I’ve learned in my journey so far is that you have to practise taking back control over those nasty li le thoughts in your head. It may take time. If you have to say soothing words out loud, so be it. Have no judgments about what you are feeling. Take deep, cleansing breaths. Don’t panic about other people’s stories of illness. They don’t always apply to you. Don’t worry about every li le sensation in your body. If it doesn’t feel like an emergency, give it a few days. Chances are, whatever is bothering you will go away. These tips have helped me to escape the frightening darkness of worry and live a happy, fulfilling life. I wish the same for you.

VOL IX ISSUE 07 MAY 2015 09

Transform

consciousness

The total way Balance can’t be brought, it happens, says Osho

10 MAY 2015 VOL IX ISSUE 07

COMPLETE WELLBEING

Osho was never born and never died. He only visited this planet earth between 11 December 1931 and 19 January 1990. He was a charismatic and gifted speaker who became the leader of a worldwide new spiritual movement.

LIFE CONSISTS OF EXTREMES. Life is a tension between the opposites.

To be exactly in the middle forever means to be dead. The middle is only a theoretical possibility; only once in a while are you in the middle, as a passing phase. It is like walking on a tightrope: you can never be exactly in the middle for any length of time. If you try, you will fall.

To be in the middle is not a static state, it is a dynamic phenomenon.

Balance is not a noun, it is a verb; it is balancing. The tightrope-walker continuously moves from the leĞ to the right, from the right to the leĞ. When he feels now he has moved too much to the leĞ and there is fear of falling, he immediately balances himself by moving to the opposite, to the This is what I mean when I say balance right. Passing from the leĞ to the is not a noun but a verb—it is balancing, it right, yes, there is a moment when is a dynamic process. You cannot be in the middle. You can go on moving from leĞ to he is in the middle. And again right and right to leĞ; this is the only way to when he has moved too much to remain in the middle. the right, there is fear of falling, he Enjoy the moment starts moving towards the leĞ.

Don’t avoid extremes, and don’t choose any one extreme. Remain available to both the polarities—that is the art, the secret of balancing. Yes, sometimes be uĴerly happy, and sometimes be uĴerly sad—both have their own beauties.

Our mind is a chooser; that’s why the problem arises. Remain choiceless. And whatsoever happens and wherever you are, right or leĞ, in the middle or not in the middle, enjoy the moment in its totality. While happy, dance, sing, play music—be happy!

And when sadness comes, which is bound to

COMPLETE WELLBEING

VOL IX ISSUE 07 MAY 2015 11

come, which is coming, which has to come, which is inevitable, you cannot avoid it... if you try to avoid it you will have to destroy the very possibility of happiness. The day cannot be without the night, and the summer cannot be without the winter, and life cannot be without death. Let this polarity sink deep in your being—there is no way to avoid it.

The only way is to become dead. Only the dead person can be in a static middle. The alive person will be constantly moving—from anger to compassion, from compassion to anger. And he accepts both! And he is not identified with either. He remains aloof and yet involved. He remains distant yet committed. He enjoys and yet he remains like a lotus flower in water—in water, and yet the water cannot touch it.

alive person is neither rightist nor le ist nor middlist—he is a constant movement, he is in flow.

Why do we want to be in the middle in the first place? We are afraid of the dark side of life; we don’t want to be sad, we don’t want to be in a state of agony. But that is possible only if you are also ready to drop the possibility of being in ecstasy. There are a few who have chosen it—that is the way of the monk.

For centuries that has been the way of the monk. He is ready to sacrifice all possibilities of ecstasy just to avoid agony. He is ready to destroy all roses just to avoid the thorns. But then his life is just flat... a long long boredom, stale, stagnant. He does not really live. He is afraid to live! Life contains both: it brings great pain, it also brings great pleasure. Pain

THE DAY CANNOT BE WITHOUT THE NIGHT, AND THE SUMMER CANNOT Your very effort to be in the middle, and to be in the middle forever and always, is creating an unnecessary anxiety for you. In fact, to desire to be in the middle for ever is another extreme, the worst kind of extreme, because it is the impossible kind. It cannot be fulfilled.

Be like the pendulum Just think of an old clock: if you hold the pendulum exactly in the middle, the clock will stop. The clock continues only because the pendulum goes on moving from the le to the right, from the right to the le . Yes, each time it passes through the middle, and there is a moment of that middleness, but only a moment. And it is beautiful! When you pass from happiness to sadness, and from sadness to happiness, there is a moment of u er silence exactly in the middle— enjoy that too.

Life has to be lived in all its dimensions, only then is life rich. The le ist is poor, the rightist is poor, and the middlist is dead! The 12 MAY 2015 VOL IX ISSUE 07

and pleasure are two sides of the same coin.

If you leave one, you have to leave the other too. This has been one of the most fundamental misunderstandings down the ages, that you can leave pain and save pleasure, that you can avoid hell and have heaven, that you can avoid the negative and can have only the positive. This is a great fallacy. It is not possible in the very nature of things. The positive and negative are together, inevitably together, indivisibly together. They are two aspects of the same energy.

A new insight I am giving you a totally new insight: Be all!

And when you are on the le , don’t miss anything—enjoy! Being on the le has its own beauty; you will not find it when you are on the right. It will be a different scene. And, yes, to be in the middle has its own silence, peace, and you will not find it on any extreme. So enjoy all! Go on enriching your life.

You can’t see any beauty in sadness?

COMPLETE WELLBEING

Meditate over it. Next time when you are sad, don’t fight with it, don’t waste time in fighting. Accept it, welcome it—let it be a welcome guest. And see deep into it, with love, care. Be a real host! And you will be surprised—you will be surprised beyond your comprehension—that sadness has a beauty that happiness can never have. Sadness has depth, and happiness is always shallow. Sadness has tears, and tears go deeper than any laughter can ever go. And sadness has a silence of its own, a melody, which happiness can never have. It will have its own song, more noisy, but not so silent.

I am not saying choose sadness: I am just saying enjoy it too. And when you are happy, enjoy happiness. Swim on the surface too, and sometimes dive deep into the river. It

be brought. If you bring it, it will be false, forced; and if you bring it you will remain tense, you will not be relaxed, because how can a man who is trying to remain balanced, in the middle, be relaxed? He will always be afraid: if he relaxes, he may start moving towards the leĞ or towards the right—he is bound to remain uptight. And to be uptight is to miss the whole opportunity, the whole God-given giĞ.

Don’t be uptight. Don’t live life according to principles. Live life in its totality, drink life in its totality! Yes, sometimes it tastes biĴer —so what? That taste of biĴerness will make you capable of tasting its sweetness. You will be able to appreciate the sweetness only if you have tasted its biĴerness. The man who knows not how to cry will not know how to

BE WITHOUT THE WINTER, AND LIFE CANNOT BE WITHOUT DEATH is the same river! On the surface the play of ripples and waves, and the sunrays and the wind—it has its own beauty. And diving deep into the water has its own quality, its own adventure, its own danger.

And don’t become aĴached to anything.

There are people who have become aĴached to sadness too—psychology knows about them. They are called masochists: they go on creating situations in which they can remain miserable for ever. Misery is the only thing that they enjoy, they are afraid of happiness.

In misery they are at home.

Don’t try to balance Live life in all possible ways; don’t choose one thing against the other, and don’t try to be in the middle. And don’t try to balance yourself—balance is not something that can be cultivated by you. Balance is something that comes out of the experience of all the dimensions of life. Balance is something that happens; it is not something that can COMPLETE WELLBEING

laugh either. And the man who cannot have a deep laughter, a belly-laughter, his tears will be crocodile tears—they cannot be true, they cannot be authentic.

The total way I don’t teach you the middle way: I teach you the total way. And then a balance comes of its own accord. And then that balance has tremendous beauty and grace—you have not forced it, it has come. By moving gracefully to the leĞ, to the right, in the middle, slowly slowly, a balance comes to you, because you remain so unidentified. When sadness comes you know it will pass, and when happiness comes you know it will pass too. Nothing remains. Everything passes by. The only thing that always abides is your witnessing. That witnessing brings balance. That witnessing is balance.

To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing, send ‘CW SUB’ to 07738387787

VOL IX ISSUE 07 MAY 2015 13

Trending this month

Learn to usepotent the most o t e t o d i t an I[ t ’s free and ] y l t n a t s n i wo r k s

14 MAY 2015 VOL IX ISSUE 07

COMPLETE WELLBEING

We live in an age when stress has become all pervasive—rich or poor, student or homemaker, worker or manager—everyone is stressed. Yet, the only stress that is legitimate is when it occurs as a response to physical danger. You can do away with all other kinds of stresses, and with it, all its accompanying drawbacks. And once you learn how to dissolve stress, you will become addicted to the peace that ensues, says Michael Olpin

A STUDENT WAS SITTING in the front of the room. It was about 10 minutes before the class was to start. He was just si ing there eating some yoghurt. So I walked up to him and said, “Hi Phillip! How are you doing?” He looked at me and said, “Oh Doc! Do you really want to know?” I said, “Sure.” He continued, “Oh man, things couldn’t be any worse for me. There is a guy who has been my business partner for quite a while and now he wants to sue me for some business problems. I have two papers that are due next week, I’ve got a huge exam this week, and I’m having some relationship problems with my wife.” He ra led off a few more things that were pre y serious for him. I said, “Wow! Sounds like you have a lot going on. You must really be feeling it. You’re pre y stressed, aren’t you?” He said, “Oh yeah, Doc, you have no idea! What should I do?”

I replied, “Do you really want to know?”

“Yeah! Tell me, what should I do?”

I replied, “I think you should enjoy your yoghurt.”

He didn’t like that answer, but it is the best answer and you’ll soon understand why.

Characteristics of the mind I’d like to start with some principles of the mind, some truths about how you and I think. These truths will help you to understand why you’re so stressed all the time and will also guide you to function mindfully, so that you aren’t stressed.

Let’s start with principle #1.

COMPLETE WELLBEING

#1 The mind can only have a

dominant focus on one thing at a time

You can never think specifically about two or more things simultaneously. You can observe several things, but you can’t focus directly on more than one thing.

It may seem like that is what you do when you observe your thoughts jumping from idea to idea so quickly. It seems like you are able to think of many things at the same time, but that’s not the case. It is not possible for your mind to dwell on two different dominant thoughts at exactly the same time.

Here’s an example: You’re driving and you get a text message on your cell phone. It’s shouting at you to read it. As you divert your a ention to your phone, you can’t focus on your driving.

You can bounce back and forth from one to the other, but you can’t focus directly on both things simultaneously [which is why you should NEVER text while you’re driving].

Another example: If you are reading this article, you can’t, at the same time, watch that show on television. You can read, then watch, then read, and then watch—but the two can’t happen together.

A second important aspect of the mind is:

#2 You are always free to think anything you choose

There are no restrictions as to what your mind can think about. Some have called this our Godgiven quality of ‘free agency’. Ultimately, no one has control over your thoughts except you.

What you choose to think about is entirely your VOL IX ISSUE 07 MAY 2015 15

Truths of the mind >> >> >> >> >>

You can only focus on one thing at a time You are always free to think anything you choose You can only directly experience this moment, right here, right now There is no stress in the present moment, except for very rare occasions [less than 0.01 per cent of the time]. HERE and NOW is a stress-free place.

When you bring your attention to the present moment—HERE and NOW—you get relaxation.

decision. At any conscious moment, you can think about anything you want to, and your choices are unlimited. There may be consequences, benefits or rewards for thinking certain ways, but ultimately, what you think is up to you.

For example, if I asked you to think of dancing elephants on the rings of Saturn, you could put pictures in your mind of how that might look.

At the same time, you have the power to think of anything else, perhaps dolphins with zebra stripes jumping over the Golden Gate Bridge.

What you think is always your choice.

The Principle of AĴrition Associated with your ability to choose what you focus on is the Principle of A rition. Not only do you have the power to choose where to focus your thoughts, you also have the power to choose where not to focus your thoughts.

And as you cease focussing your thoughts on people, situations and events that you would consider negative ones, the negative nature of those unpleasant conditions or ideas lose their power to control or influence you. Essentially, if you aren’t thinking about them consistently, they lose their negative impact.

This is not the same as avoiding or ignoring things that you find unpleasant. Ignoring or avoiding still involves thinking about them.

Instead, you simply keep your a ention focussed on those areas of your life that you would consider positive, happy, and beneficial.

These first two principles are important to keep in mind so that you understand that your stress really does begin with your thoughts.

If you are free to choose any thought, and you can only have one dominant thought at a time, it is you that always decides exactly which thought is on the centre stage of your mind.

Understanding these principles also helps

16 MAY 2015 VOL IX ISSUE 07

you realise the freedom you have to change your thoughts at any moment.

Now for Truth #3.

#3

You can only directly experience this moment, right here, right now I will ask you some questions that will lead you to understand what it means to be mindful. >> Where are you right now?

This same question can be asked in a different way: >> Where is the only place you can directly experience?

The only correct answer to this question, and it is the same answer every moment of your life, is HERE. You cannot be anywhere else but HERE. Certainly, you can think you are in other places, or simply think of other places, but you can’t directly experience any of those other places that aren’t where you are right now. >> Where are you not?

Anywhere else!

You can’t directly experience any place where your senses can’t directly observe.

You can’t be at the store while you are driving to the store. While you are driving to the store, your ‘here’ is in the car and amidst the scenery on the way to the store. But you can’t directly experience the store until you are at the store. You can only directly experience where you are.

I know, this sounds strange, but hang in there.

This will all make perfect sense in a moment.

The next couple of questions are similar to the previous ones. >> At what point in time are you always?

This question can also be asked in a different way: >> When is the only time that you can directly experience?

The only correct answer to this question, and it is always the same answer, is NOW. You can’t be in your own future, nor can you be in your own past.

Certainly, you can think of these times; you can make up all kinds of things about the past and the future, but you can never directly experience them.

COMPLETE WELLBEING

Imagine—if I could experience my own future, I’d transport myself to one year from now, find out which stock has done the best between now and then, come back to now and buy a truckload of that stock. If I could relive a past event, I would go back to a decision I made that didn’t turn out so well and make a different decision so things would turn out be er.

These both sound absurd because you and I cannot directly experience the future or the past.

We are all stuck firmly in this moment called NOW. There is never a time, for you, me, and everyone else, when it is not right HERE, right NOW for us.

This is our reality. It is what is. Always.

Try this You can focus your thoughts directly on two places to discover what is happening here and now.

The first place is from the information that

comes from the outside world that reaches your brain by way of your senses. You hear something through your ears that is happening externally.

The sound goes in your ears and you think about the nature of the sound. What you hear is reality.

You directly experience the sound of the bird.

This works similarly with your other senses.

You see a bird fly overhead, hear it chirping as it goes by, and you recognise that you are experiencing the bird—it is real.

The other place you can observe what is [happening] is internally. You have many sensations that are going on inside of you that are every bit as real as the things that happen outside of you. Perhaps you have a sore throat or a knot in your stomach. You may notice that gravity works when you drink some water. Unless you’re upside down, the water goes down into your stomach instead of up into your head. There are other internal sensations you can experience directly including a headache, arthritis, muscle

You can either drive or read a text message; you can’t do both simultaneously

COMPLETE WELLBEING

VOL IX ISSUE 07 MAY 2015 17

To continue reading subscribe to Complete Wellbeing

To subscribe on Zinio » http://bit.ly/cwdigital To subscribe on Magzter » http://bitly.com/cwmagzter Want to subscribe to the print edition instead?

Visit http://store.completewellbeing.com OR

Send ‘CW SUB’ » 07738387787 * Print edition available only within India

Subscription plans starting from `999

Why subscribe Complete Wellbeing is an award-winning magazine that helps you live to your highest potential across all dimensions. It recognises and respects your myriad facets along with your deep desire to be the best you can in all the roles you play—spouse, parent, friend, professional, colleague, boss, neighbour, citizen…

Loaded with insights on a diverse array of issues that matter to you; all presented in a friendly, strain-free and compelling manner.

Featuring some of the most inspiring people of our time—Richard Bach, Thich Nhat Hanh, Wayne Dyer, John Gray, Andrew Mellen, Margie Warrell, Deborah Tannen, Charles Tart, Anita Moorjani, Terry Paulson, Robert Kiyosaki— Complete Wellbeing helps you to achieve greater clarity of thought and action so that you live your most magnificent life.

Make Complete Wellbeing a partner in your journey of life. /CompleteWellbeing

/StayWell