As an example of image, substance, and relationships I would like to share a little story someone I know shared with me. A fairly successful salesman once told me the story of how he went to the house of a very famous football coach for a sales call only to find that this coach had just moved out of the house and was in the middle of divorcing his wife. Somehow the salesman thought of this man as a "model of integrity who lived such an upright life that such evils could never happen to him." What this salesman forgot is that all he really new about this very successful coach was what the news media and certain religious circles had told him. He never really got to know the real person.
So what is the difference between really getting to know someone and just getting to know ABOUT them?
Getting to know someone personally is seeing all sides or facets of the individual. An impression you have of someone or an image they project may or may not be a good representation of the real person.
So how do people connect in a friendship and really get to know the real person?
路0 People need to be healthy enough to be "safe people" to connect with. Safe people have humility, are able to listen without judging prematurely, have healthy boundaries, and look out for your best interests.
路1 People need to have "earned openness" along with honesty to really get to know each other. The difference between openness and honesty is important to know. You can be honest but not be open. Openness requires earned trust which can only come from safe people.
路2 People need to be in the same time and space in order to experience the full range of each other's communications and behaviors. It is estimated that 70% of communication is nonverbal which cannot be seen through the internet or phone calls. Of course, what people say vs. doing is a whole other discussion.
路3 Not only do people need to be in the same time and space, but they also need to share a variety of different experiences that are uncontrolled or undercontrolled settings. It's easy when you are in control of all the variables to put on a good front, be with a little spontaniety, we all get to know each other so much better.
What are the results of knowing people versus just knowing about them?
When we really get to know someone, we experience their struggles, hopes, dreams, gifts, and many other facets of their lives resulting in the deeper connections all of us honestly want deep down inside. When we just get to know about someone, many times all we see is an image of who we think they are that creates a fantasy for both of us that lacks a true depth of connection.
So what about you? Do you have safe friends you can connect with on a deeper level? If no, what areas do you need to grow in to help make this happen? Who do you "know about" and what is the "image" you have of them vs. true substance through a relationship?
This article was written by an SFM affiliate. For more information on how to create a plan of substance for your financial future please visit this link: http://connect.thesixfigurementors.com/sp/free-trial-long-vid/sales-pages?id=skmartin