When discussing human relationships, the topic of how to shatter our self-protective walls that we hide behind in order to rebuild healthy boundaries that protect our individuality eventually comes up. So what are some differences between walls and boundaries?
Walls vs. Boundaries
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Walls confine us to an "unchangeable past;" boundaries open up the future as a result of being our unique individual self in the present. Both are a kind of protection. Walls limit positive outcomes; boundaries allow for unlimited possibilities for future hope and healing. A wall is a preconceived judgment of a specific person or group of people; a boundary is an stance that calls for action if a line is crossed by someone. A wall can be demanding of others; a boundary creates a baseline of acceptable behavior that allows for respect of all parties involved. A wall isolates and creates loneliness; a boundary acts as a direction tool to connect
us with healthy individuals. 路6
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A wall is so large that it can crumble easily; a boundary is comprehensive enough to allow for the development of positive relationships. A wall results from fear, guilt, and/or anger; a boundary is created with courage and caution. A wall focuses on the wrongs and hurts of the past; a boundary focuses on beginning your life with a new perspective that does not allow disrespect and evil to be inflicted on yourself. A wall keeps others from connecting with us at a level that is appropriate for the depth of our relationship/friendship; a boundary protects our individuality. Examples of Walls
Behaviors that create walls vary as much as the people who use them. The best way to make a determination of whether certain behaviors are walls is through by using your "gut instinct" accompanied with getting to know yourself or the other person. Here are a few examples of behaviors that create walls:
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The "wall of silence" is withholding important and relevant facts from someone that will adversely affect them or the relationship later either by circumstance or through personal blame. An example of this happened recently to me when a former friend stopped speaking to me for 10 months and then, out of the blue, sent me a nasty email with various accusations that I had limited recollection of since so much time already went by. The wall of nervous talking. Although
seemingly the opposite of the wall of silence, this wall has the same affect by throwing out a string of useless and/or meaningless words to fill silence. ¡12
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The wall of anger. This wall keeps others at bay by being short-fused and touchy instead of using self-control. The wall of condescening arrogance. This wall has various degrees of manifestion in our personal responses. I've known people like this over the years and they usually have few friends or only friends who share their attitudes. The attitude of "I know better and you don't" usually ends in a one way conversation and a dead end "friendship." How Boundaries are Created and Some Examples
Some boundaries are common sense to adults who are thinking clearly about their lives and actions and consequences. For example, those of you who are single people and are dating know for various reasons know that first dates are public dates. Other boundaries are learned as a result of multiple hurtful and/or disappointing experiences. I've found one of the most difficult walls to see sometimes is the wall of silence until you run head long into it. Omission of honest and important facts eventually hurts everyone involved no matter how it is rationalized. The best boundaries to deal with these "Silent Omitters" are time, keen observation, and diversity of settings. Summing It Up Walls and boundaries are different in many
ways even though both provide some sort of protection. Walls vary depending on each individual and their background and experiences. Some boundaries are common sense to an adult mind that is thinking clearly about actions and consequences. Other boundaries are learned through various hurtful experiences that help us "sure up" those weak areas in our personal behaviors and habits.
Now It's Your Move Just like a game of chess, when you know the facts of any given situation the next move is your move. So which of the previous walls do you engage in? Which of the previously mentioned walls do you see in others? How can we plan on shattering our walls in order to rebuild boundaries and sure up weak areas in our habits and behaviors? This article was written by an SFM affiliate. If you would like to plan your next move to live the life you would love to live by building an online business, please check out this link: http://connect.thesixfigurementors.com/sp/free -trial-long-vid/sales-pages?id=skmartin