What Is Your Definition of Successful Dating? As I talk to different people, I hear many ask the question of "How can I date successfully?" It's important to define what you mean by success. After all, whenever facing a new endevear, I like to know what I'm seeking to accomplish. Usually if the new experience or project is important enough, I will probably set goals. For me goals need to be ownable (something I would want to do), reachable (realistically I can accomplish), and measurable (I clearly know when I reach them). Whenever reading about or discussing the subject of dating I've noticed a lot of people have
expectations that don't seem to be grounded in reality.
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For example, I've talked to people who think that if they appear, talk, and act in a certain manner they will be able to get almost any date they want. In other words, they see themselves as a "master pick-up artist." Based on the simple fact that no two people are alike in many ways including interests, opinions, and perspectives, this is much less realistic than may be expected. In addition to this, even if they do "pickup" someone, will this lead to a "happy ending" in the long run or will
they end up at "spuare one" once again looking for someone else to pick up? ¡1
I've read authors with some wellestablished credentials encourage readers to set a goal to meet so many men or women a week in order to find their potential spouse and these authors applied this rather broadly to every situation and geographical region. What I've found through experience is that although this number is a helpful intermediate step in your dating experience, it varies based on the culture of the area and the lifestyle of the person.
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So many people seem to think all successful dating ends up in marriage. The "other side of this story" are those divorced people I've met and talked to who do not feel that their dating process was so successful because they ending up
marrying someone who was not compatible or not a good match. Or these same people had no or little dating process at all because they married so quickly. So Why Date? As I previously said, most people I've talked to seem to think the only reason behind dating is to find a potential spouse. When I dated and people who I've known dated whom I respect, the experience was also to help them get a sense of what they wanted and needed in a spouse and to reveal areas of personal growth as well. Sometimes your dating experience may reveal your
not ready for marriage, or it may reveal you need to look somewhere else for a potential spouse, or maybe you may end up discovering you're happy just staying single. To me just discovering the path you need to travel on in this area of your life is a success in and of itself. Get Healthy First Although having a good process in your dating experience is necessary to find the path you need to walk, getting yourself healthy first makes all the difference in your results. I'm a big believer that whatever energy you put
out there, you bring back to yourself. In other words, if you are acting and living in an unhealthy way, you will attract other unhealthy people to you. Be Your Best Self We are all unique people with different experiences, gifts, passions, and dreams. Using all your positive attributes to genuinely serve others in the most productive way possible will eventually lead you down a path of fulfillment. Many times this is the best path to meet some of your closest friends and allies including a great spouse.
A Couple of Pointers When Dating
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Beware of limiting yourself to a certain "type" of person. Ask yourself and discover if your limited thinking of "types" is coming from a healthy or unhealthy place. Most of the time people who allow themselves to stay stuck on
superficial and rigid requirements for a date like a certain look, for example, need to let go of something from their past and/or need to open their minds to other "kinds" of people who are different but also incredible in their own way. Just allowing yourself to get out and experience appreciating different kinds of people for a season can radically change your perspective. ¡4
Look for other healthy and/or growing people to build long-term friendships with. Although we don't want to limit ourselves too much, we also need to chose who we spend time with. Some people want to
grow, change, and become healthy, others want to stay in the same place. If we are in the first category, we probably want to limit our time with people in the second category. ¡5
Take your time and realize being in a rush and desperation is usually a sign of neediness that is better dealt with in the context of trusted friends. So many times I've seen this play out, and it usually doesn't turn out in the best way.
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Be open and meet new people instead of staying stuck in the same "social traffic pattern." It's important to have close friends, but we also need to reach out and meet new people. We can never hope to find a potential spouse if we see the same people all the time. To Sum It Up For Now
Ok, let's sum most of this up. When dating it's important to be realistic about your goals whether they are spoken or unspoken. As in any area of life, goals help us know what we want and why we want it before taking action. When searching for that significant other, it benefits you to become healthy first and be your best self. A couple of initial pointers when dating are don't be limited by types, look for healthy people, take your time with the process, and be open and meet new people. Now It's Your Turn
So this article gave enough information on dating for now to think through. Where are you with all of this? Do you have realistic goals? Do have any goals at all? Are you healthy or getting healthy? Are you the best version of yourself? Are you stuck on certain types of people or are you learning to appreciate the uniqueness of different people? Are you looking for healthy people and taking your time with the process? Are you meeting new people and "changing your social traffic pattern" Hopefully some of these suggestions will help to answer the question of "how can I date
successfully?"