4 minute read
Ask Lonnie with Advice Columnist Trelawnie Gartner
"Why is it considered unmanly to show large amounts of sensitivity or emotions? Why do men always have to have the tough exterior?
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Why is it that if we don't follow the 'Old School' ways, or make mistakes, we are considered a 'failed' man"?
These are some of the questions that have been brought to my attention. From men and their perspective of how they are treated and viewed. To understand these questions we must first understand what 'Old School' means. There was a time when men were the 'bread winners', the men worked and the women stayed home, took care of the house and raised the children. A lot of the time the work the men did was tough. They worked long hours in all kinds of weather and were considered not only to be the providers, but to also be the protectors. The differences in the physicality of a man and a woman also had a lot to do with this belief. Men were naturally stronger than women and women were naturally more nurturing than men.
A man was taught as he grew up that he must be tough, never cry, and if something was done to him he was to suck it up and move on. He must however defend the honor of the woman who has had something done to her! Women were taught as they grew up, that they must care for others. They must tend to the needs of their husbands, their children, their families, the community and after that, then themselves. Men were taught that their feelings and emotions were something to be pushed aside and ignored. It was thought to be acting like 'a girl' if a man showed his emotions publicly. The sensitivities of a man and the strength of a woman were greatly underestimated, buried deep, not accepted and this continued for generations.
You would think that in the year 2021, people would be more enlightened and accepting of each individual's capabilities. However, there are still some 'old school' thinkers around. They taught that mentality to their children who then taught it to their children and so on.
We have seen some improvements as movies are starting to reflect that men have emotions, needs and desires. We have also seen women can do physical jobs and are capable of more than cooking a meal and having a child. There are more jobs nowadays that no longer discriminate against a persons sex, but instead looks at their capacity to do the job correctly. Some jobs have men and women working side by side. Some men are stay at home parents and do a fantastic job!
We are in the age of enlightenment where profound knowledge is literally at our fingertips. Past conditioning can be rewritten. Society needs to do better. Individuals need to do better. We as women, need to do better by our men. Ask how they're feeling and allow the space for them to answer. Become a safe place for the men in our lives.
We as women can no longer demand equality in treatment and then still hold a man down and force him to be what he was once only allowed to be. He may be a man, but he is also a human with emotions and feelings and the desires to be seen, heard, appreciated, valued and loved just like every other human being.
Men, if you find yourself faced with a person trying to stuff you back into the 'old school' box, know there is nothing wrong with you, it is their ego and therefore their issue.
Thank you for being brave. Thank you for speaking out about these unfair demands men are still facing. Thank you for helping to pave the way for change. Please keep standing up and speaking up.
You are not alone.
I See You
If you are struggling, pick up the phone: Health Link at 811 or the Mental Health Help Line at 1-877-3032642, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Text and online chat options are available for all Alberta youth through Calgary ConnecTeen, Monday-Friday 3pm10pm and Saturday, Sunday 12pm-10pm. Visit calgaryconnecteen.com or text 587-333-2724.
The federal First Nations and Inuit Hope for Wellness Help Line at 1-855-242-3310 is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Clients can also access an online chat at Hope for Wellness.
I have a gift for seeing what others miss. I offer the truth as I know it. I offer this from my own life experience and my intuition. I hope to inspire you to have courage to look at your life, to help you feel empowered to do what you already know you need to do and as you sift through my “advice” - you will find the answers to your own questions”. Click here to submit your questions. uplift uplift
Trelawnie Gartner
