3 minute read
Jim’s Story
By Caitlin Banks & Candice Smiley Photo by Tobias Tullius on Unsplash
Below you are going to read a paraphrase of a story written by a man named Jim. This was compiled from a reading of Jim’s chapter in the book called Parentectomy, by Christine Giancarlo. Please know it might be triggering for some. ~CS.
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Jim is a father of four beautiful children Jason, Nancy, Jennifer, and Marie He is always trying to be the best dad he could be all the way from working several jobs at once so his wife could look after the kids, to playing the guitar for his youngest daughter who suffers from developmental disabilities. Unfortunately, over time his family started to fall apart and one thing after the next put Jim into deeper places of feeling alone and isolated in the world.
He and his wife started to have a rocky relationship which included arguments, the pastor coming over to help, all the way up to the cops getting involved. Jim had a hard enough time as he was the only part of the couple that did any sort of parenting. His kids would start to dislike him for this as he was the only one being responsible. This made the kids favor the mother’s side always. His wife did whatever she could to make him look like the bad guy in every situation.
It got so bad that Jim got probation time where it was almost impossible to ever see his kids because she made sure of it. Lies would be made to the cops that he was court ordered not to see his children when in reality he was only to stay away from his ex. Over time the distance between his kids made his youngest daughter Marie's health slowly start to diminish as the mom was not supportive to her. Slowly Marie lost weight and her appetite, she got terrible sleep and was distraught because she could not see her father. It got so bad that at one point Jim was no longer allowed to comfort her with his music and guitar playing during supervised visits because his ex would not allow it.
Jim was also abused by his son Jason and to this day he refuses to see his father, but Jim will always be there for him if he ever chooses to be in his life again. Also, a false story from his daughter Nancy was made to the police when she was younger that he sexually assaulted her at the age of three. It was his ex’s mission in life to use her kids as pawns to get him arrested by making up these stories.
Jim cares for his children so much and never gets to see them. He cares about them so much that he even writes letters to them for every holiday and keeps them in a box in hopes that one day they’ll get to see them.
After several lies on her part and a battle that has been going on for years Jim is still trying to fight for his right to be a part of his kids lives. He continues to feel alone with no support and nowhere to turn.
Jim has had the courage to bring to light the raw challenges that many men face when they enter into a divorce system that seems to be weighted in the favour of the mother.
Regardless of what is or isn’t, it’s become incredibly important to talk about the challenging issue on both sides of dealing with a legal system that isn’t always fair. And when it’s about the breakup of a family, can it really ever truly be fair? It’s always the kids that lose.
If you or someone you know is in a challenging situation, please reach out to CCMF, the Canadian Center for Men and Families. CCMF, Canadian Center for Men and Families; programs and services for men in need, men who are victims of domestic abuse and violence.
https://ccmfalberta.ca/
Jim is rebuilding and learning to thrive by honing his lifelong skill of being an observer. This has allowed him to look introspectively at his past successes and failures in order to make a positive difference in the world around him today through actively applying those learnings. Jim’s greatest joy is his four children who have been alienated from him for a number of years partly through his own doing and by a system that desperately needs change. His heart’s desire is to one day be reunited with his kids and he will continue to take whatever steps necessary to see this happen.
Healthy Men, Healthy Children, Healthy Communities
