ART HISTORY

Congratulations, you're the first to identify the symbolism in the mask of the killer - a quality that would make any Scream fan proud. However, your extensive knowledge of art history won't help you when a dagger-wielding maniac puts 34 holes in your chest cavity quicker than you can say “Dadaism”. Sure, you might have a sharp eye for colour theory and the Mona Lisa, but those talents won't save you from a Freddy Krueger-style nightmare.

Outcome: Die first

Philosophy

You’ll be too busy contemplating the moral ambiguity of the monster trying to kill you to actually do anything about it. Picture this: a killer clown is approaching with a chainsaw and, rather than running for your lives, philosophy students start questioning the nature of clownhood and whether or not the killer clown's actions are morally justifiable. By the time you realise you should run, it’s already too late. I’m sorry, but your deep thoughts couldn't save you from a shallow grave. But what is death, anyway?

Outcome: Die second

While you’re getting chased by a killer vampire, you’ll be too distracted obsessively refreshing your stock portfolio. At least you can take ease in the fact that Tesla went up 23.5%, right? You could use that extra cash to hire a personal trainer because, at this rate, you're not going to outrun anyone. When Dracula finally finds you, maybe you could offer him a share in your latest pyramid scheme. But let's face it, Dracula's not exactly the entrepreneurial type. He's more likely to roll his eyes and think, “Another Andrew Tate wannabe” before sucking your blood dry. Stick to screaming for your life and leave the get-rich-quick schemes to the experts.

Outcome: Die third