COMMERCE LAW

Having a law degree in the middle of a slasher flick can only end in one of two ways: you either become the petty lawyer or the smart one. The petty lawyer will probably have gotten the group in trouble in the first place, trying to infringe on the loose property rights of a swamp hill-billy family. They will also whip out a cheeky court document just as the murderer is about to strike, popping off about the “legality” of the situation at hand. And if that doesn't work, they might even try to convince the killer that they're on their side and offer to defend them in court. But frankly, when a crazed killer is after you, you need more than just legal jargon and empty promises. The smart lawyer, on the other hand, will play their cards close to their chest, secretly recording the killer’s monologue to be played in court after they escape. So if you want to survive, you better channel your inner OJ and run like there's no tomorrow. There's no appeal process in the court of death!

Outcome: Uncertain

We all love a good bookworm, but when it comes to surviving a horror film nobody wants to be stuck with an over-analyser like you. Now, credit where credit's due: you have the artillery of every Stephen King novel under your belt. But when it comes to facing Carrie's murderous rampage, trying to charm her with your sonnet skills will only serve to piss her off (and the rest of us too). So you're quite simply destined to meet a gruesome end, which is pretty pathetic considering you couldn't even spot the obvious foreshadowing in those blood-red curtains yesterday.

Outcome: Die fourth