NEPOTISM: It's okay if it's tradition!

Nā Sky (Ngāti Hine, Ngāti Wai)

Exam season may be daunting but, remember, if old mate Charlie can succeed the throne at the overripe age of 74 and still not know his allocated lines, then you can walk off that B+ with your head held high.

Despite the archaic, dormant vibe that the British monarchy insists on maintaining in the name of “tradition”, the coronation is reminiscent of one thing: how generous the British Crown is to all of its humble servants. I mean, how wonderful is it that the British Royal Family continue to exceed all expectations by occasionally bringing their lofty palace walls down to allow us mere field-workers a peek into their upper-crust way of life?

And it must’ve been a close race to determine who was crowned, because I’m sure the Brits are aware of the preexisting monarchy here in New Zealand. Surely, right? After all, with some people having the nerve to suggest that our head of state actually be born here, there must be some fierce competition in determining the “true” monarch of New Zealand. Or perhaps it’s been so long now that they’ve forgotten about those pesky outstanding dues. Maybe, in true British fashion, they’ve avoided the colonies altogether to dodge the debt-collectors (troublesome natives).

Because as slay and cute as the whole ceremony was, there is just that one little outstanding problem of the debt. You know, the one that looms over the head of the crown? The one that’s grown every day for the last 200 years? Last time I checked, the British Crown owes silly ol’ Aotearoa a pretty penny for all of those artefacts they “discovered” and land they “borrowed”. Talk about an overdue account. Surely Charlie, unlike his predecessors, will be a true GC (Gracious Conscience) and return our belongings.

Or better yet, own up to the Crown’s end of the ancient agreement that acknowledged Treaty partners as subjects of the British crown. Because that would come with some interesting consequences, like access to British passports.