LAND ON TIC!

We’re all subjects of the British Crown, “rights and privileges” and all - see exhibit A, Article 3 of the Treaty for context. Come on, big dog Chaz! Make your legacy worth remembering past the fact that you waited HOW long to get your first job?

Without a passport, how else am I meant to ship myself to the British Museum to see my own people’s history on display? I love what you’ve done with our waka and taonga on display, literally so honoured to have them in the museum, but it’s not super chill and cool that it’s easier for Māori artefacts to get into Britain than Māori people. Shall we discuss the “equal treatment” aspect of the Treaty? Is it time to cash in and ram raid Westminster Abbey of its royal remains for our museum displays back home? Seems fair, right? I think those crown jewels would look absolutely smashing in the Tron.

So, if there’s anything that the new monarch symbolises, it's that living off of Mummy’s inheritance is only acceptable if it comes with a shiny, not-so-new accessory, and a legacy of terrorising people by the thousands. Ah, colonialism. I’d say “long live the King!” but he’s pretty far gone at this point. So, God save the King. He’s gonna need it.