It started out just like any other day, I met a white girl on the football field and I did not want to befriend her, I looked the other way. Why? Because I just did not like foreigners. The place I grew up in was half-full of foreigners, mostly white and southeast Asians. They were nothing but arrogant and ignorant. If that was not enough, another reason could be that they just did not look the way we did, and that we were different. Most of the time it seemed to me that this feeling must be mutual, otherwise how come we all live in the same area but act like fish living in two different bowls? If we are all living in the same tank, is there a wall to separate us? Before accusing me of having stereotypes or not trying hard enough, trust me, I did my best and none of the “friendships” worked out. The first time my mom invited a cute little American boy to our home, he tried to poke and feed my hamster to death with the eraser tip on a pencil, yes that eraser you use to rub out the things you wrote. Well, I guess it did traumatize a kid, considering I was still in my kindergarten age. Clearly the very first effort at diplomacy failed and maybe, maybe this irrational stage of mine was the turning point where I started to get a little hostile to foreigners. I wish my other experiences with foreigners had different story lines. But sometimes, we are all fortune’s fools. When I grew older, I met the meanest Canadian on earth, years later, the rudest Dutch and the list goes on and on. Since then, I began to limit myself to not swim to the other side of the tank, with the belief that it would not do any good to either “us” or “them.”
Do You Mind If We
But what eventually constituted the wall was the education I received. Just like most of the teens in Hong Kong, I went to a local school nearby where I lived. In English lessons, although we were “encouraged” to speak in English, by the time we opened our mouth, fears creeped in. The English language was not what frightened us, but rather the stares we got every time when we uttered the words. You were seen as pretentious if you tried to speak in English and kids just did not like you. You would also be mocked if your pronunciation was not perfect--kids were picky. You also probably did not have the flawless grammar, which stressed you a lot. When all the worries and anxieties piled up, we chose to seal our lips. Dear non-Cantonese speakers, please do not have hard feelings when we are reluctant to speak to you in English, it is never personal. The glue that sealed my lips ultimately filled up all the gaps in the intangible wall, making it even more impenetrable.
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