David Atlanta Vol. 17 Issue 18

4.30.14 V.17 I.18

Get Knocked Out at

PAPI’S CINCO DE MAYO Cameron Diaz

Loves Ladies, Not Labels Geek Out with

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MAY Fri: 8pm Michael Krajewski, Conductor Micah Wilshire, Shem von Shroeck, Rob Evan, vocalists

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Join the ASO for LGBT night sponsored by Tickets are $38 and include premium seats to the concert plus a post concert reception with ASO musicians in CenterSpace at the Woodruff Arts Center.

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4.30.14 V.17 I.18

26

David Thompson Publisher david@davidatlanta.com

Elijah Sarkesian Editor in Chief elijah@davidatlanta.com

William Duffee-Braun Director of Sales and Development william@davidatlanta.com

Joe Ragsdale Art Director ragsdale@davidatlanta.com

SALES

EDITORIAL

Steve Tyrrell steve@davidatlanta.com Russ Youngblood russ@davidatlanta.com

Chris Azzopardi Dylan S. Goldman Nicholas Grant Dylan Michael

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Contents 8 A Note from the Editor 10 3 Shots 14 Papi’s Cinco De Mayo 20 HRC Atlanta Gala 22 Gaylaxicon 26 Cameron Diaz 32 Iggy Azalea 34 Simply Sun 40 Seen@: Woodruff Arts Center 44 Seen@: Center Stage 46 Seen@: Burkhart’s 50 Seen@: Jungle 52 Seen@: Heretic 56 the Scene 58 Bartab 60 Datebook 62 Crossword 64 Fairyscopes 66 Favorite Bitch 68 Bitch Session

DRT Media Group Inc. 404.418.8901 CONTACT Advertising sales@davidatlanta.com Classifieds classifieds@davidatlanta.com Editor / Press Releases press@davidatlanta.com bitch@davidatlanta.com

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Jamie Scarbrough

The content of this Publication is for your general information and use only. It is subject to change without notice. The opinions expressed by any writer, advertiser, or other person appearing in the Magazine are not necessarily those of the Publication, its management or staff. The information and materials appearing in the Magazine are not guaranteed or warranted as to accuracy, timeliness, performance, completeness, or suitability of the information and materials found or offered for a particular purpose. It shall be your responsibility to ensure that any products, services, or information available through this Publication meets your specific requirements. The Publication is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, content of information, changes, events, and schedules. The Magazine contains information and material which is owned by or licensed to the Publication, including but not limited to articles, advertisement, design, layout, graphics, and logos. No part or portion of this Publication may be reproduced in any way without the prior written consent of the Publisher. Unauthorized use of this Publication may give rise to claims for damages and or criminal offenses. Your use of the information or materials in the Publication is strictly at your own risk.

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A Note from the

Editor

Marriage Equality: Coming to Georgia?

W

ell, the wait for marriage equality in Georgia may now involve a ticking clock. Last week, Lambda Legal filed the first lawsuit seeking to strike down Georgia’s constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages on behalf of seven individuals.

lawsuit, seeing it as a pointless exercise. Resistance to opposing same-sex marriage is waning, thankfully.

This doesn’t mean it’s time to start making wedding plans in-state just yet. The legal process will take some time, and whatever decisions are made will likely go through various appeals. But it’s a step towards something potentially greater Until this suit, Georgia was among a handful of states that for our community. had not faced a lawsuit challenging such bans. Such lawsuits have become important to striking down the laws that exist in other states. To date, 17 states and Washington, DC allow same-sex marriages. Additionally, court decisions in five other states have ruled against bans, while three more P.S. Thank you all for coming out to our first-ever Men of David have been ordered to recognize same-sex marriages per- event. After all of your voting, you put money – specifically, formed in other states. Those decisions, though, haven’t over $16,000 – towards our finalists, which in turn went to gone into effect yet.

AID Atlanta. And congratulations to Rick Twombley, our 2014 Man of David!

In other words, the tide is shifting in favor of same-sex marriage. Already, a number of notable figures on the right have called on conservatives in Georgia not to fight against the

Elijah Sarkesian

8 // 04.30.2014

:nightlife

3

with Dexter “DJ” Shots Meyer photos: Dylan S. Goldman

W

hether you’re looking for a good drink or good energy, bartender, Reiki Master and future entrepreneur DJ Meyer has the smile you’d expect from an old friend and a pair of baby blues easier to get lost in than your drink. Pull up a stool and get to know one of your newest friends at Friends on Ponce.

What has been your craziest experience as a bartender?

My craziest experience was while working Memorial Day weekend at The Round Up in Pensacola, Florida. I was the only bartender outside, and had very little to work with. The crowd was going nuts like they were at Mardi Gras. Quite a few lost their clothes and were playing Beer Pong on the extra table I had room [to work] on. That was a lot of fun!

What do you like about the Atlanta nightlife scene?

Dislike?

I really love the diversity here in Atlanta. There is something for everyone, and there are enough transients to help keep things fresh and interesting. I really don’t like how the hours we’re allowed to operate have been dwindled down and the 24-hour clubs eliminated. A metropolitan city should be more wide-open, to accommodate everyone.

What’s the worst thing a customer can do?

The worst thing a customer can do is talk down to someone!

Not just the bartender; Anyone. I get annoyed listening to, and being on the receiving end of some of the derogatory terms people use and say, “Oh, it’s only ‘cause I love ya,” or “It’s a term of endearment”. Nobody wants to be talked to that way.

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By Dylan S. Goldman

KEY WEST

June 11-15 keywestpride.org

:cover

Cinco de Mayo CARNAVAL STYLE photo: Greg Brown

O

ne of America’s most celebrated holidays may not be American in origin, but believe it or not, Cinco de Mayo is much larger in the United States than in Mexico. Often assumed to be Mexican Independence Day, Cinco de Mayo is actually the celebration of the Mexican Army’s victory over the French during a small battle in the city of Pueblo, where Cinco de Mayo is mainly celebrated to this day.

Although Cinco de Mayo celebrations may come a dime a dozen in Atlanta, there is one that rises to the top, outshining many others: Papi’s Cinco de Mayo Outdoor Latin Carnaval at Las Margaritas Midtown (1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd).

This year the holiday falls on a Monday, giving cause for drawing the partying out for an entire weekend. “It’s more of a weekend-long celebration,” said D.J., Las Margaritas’ dessert crafter extraordinaire. “Friday, Saturday and As for Americans, Cinco de Mayo is really just a drink- Sunday will all be leading up to the main event on Monday.” ing holiday celebrating the good food, strong drinks and colorful culture of our neighbors South of the Border. And Co-owner Oscar Valdivieso, more commonly known as there’s nothing wrong with that.

Papi, promises this year’s Carnaval to be the best one yet.

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Las Margaritas’ own resident bartenders.

The fifth annual outdoor event was dreamt up over lunch with Heretic co-owner Ray Collins, who Oscar proudly calls ‘Daddy.’ “We were eating lunch, and [he] said, ‘Wouldn’t it be fun if we had it outside?’ From then on, that’s how we have decided to do it.” And what an awesome idea something so simple as moving the party outside proved to be.

Oscar has put together a wonderfully diverse Cinco de Mayo special menu for you, as well, packed full of the most delicious treats Las Margaritas has to offer. “We will be serving your favorite tacos, tapas, fajitas and more,” he said.

“There will also be a mix of music this year,” said Valdivieso. “Everything from house to club to a live band.”

New to the event this year, local Columbian band Candela will be performing live on the main stage. Some of Atlanta’s best, and the local music industry’s top-billed Latin DJs will be in attendance for the event, including DJ Carlitos, DJ Geo and DJ Louii (Tongue n Groove), DJ Harold (Havana), Atlanta’s own International DJ Sean Mac (Australia Pride, Barracuda in Ft. Lauderdale),

By Dylan S. Goldman Atlanta’s first Latin deejay, DJ Karlitos (Jungle), and playing “I listened to what people wanted more of…what they his own signature vocal house liked most from years before,” Oscar said. “‘People come music, DJ Kerry Hall (Club for the music and dancing as much as the alcohol and our Xion). food. So I am giving them what they want!”

Diversity is one of the major And boy, is he ever. The three top sponsors for this event, and most important differCuervo, Smirnoff and Corona, will make it possible for ences that sets Papi’s Cinco Las Margaritas to offer plenty of tantalizing drink spe- de Mayo apart from all othcials. Expect to see everything from $5 José Cuervo shots ers. “Straight, gay, black, offered to patrons by Las Margaritas’ sexy shooter boys white…everyone is welcome and girls, tons of beer buckets and incredible specials here,” he adds, smiling. “All on select Mexican beers to several $5 mixed drink spe- we want is to see everyone cials, including margaritas, Smirnoff martinis and many, together, having the best time many more that are still being thoughtfully concocted by possible.” davidatlanta.com // 15

Of course, there will be drag in the house for this Latininfused party-of-the-year, including Atlanta’s own sexy, sultry Alissah Brooks and Stars of the Century performer and comedian Miss Sofia. These are two performances you don’t want to miss.

Giving back to the community is very important to Oscar. In the spirit of Las Margaritas tradition, there will be two beneficiaries from this year’s event: CHRIS Kids and Ready for Hope, Mike Woodside’s AID Atlantafundraising brainchild. The larger the Cinco de Mayo crowd, the more these wonderful charities can expect to receive, so come out and support your community at the best, most exciting Cinco party in all of Atlanta!

Parking will be available at the Heretic, and a shuttle will be provided to and from the event at Las Margaritas.

“We are so grateful to be part of the Atlanta community,” Oscar said with heartfelt emotion. “We look forward to throwing you the best Cinco party yet, and many more after that!”

i

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:community

Equality’s Big Night in Atlanta

By Nicholas Grant

A

tlanta’s chapter of the Human Rights Campaign has grown over the years to host one of the largest fundraisers in the country for the cause of equality.

Shepherd, Kathy Najimy, Congressman John Lewis, James Carville, Chad Allen, John Edwards, Janet Reno, Martha Wash, The Atlanta Gala Dinner is an annual event that consists Maya Angelou, Desmond of a large private auction, followed by a black-tie dinner to Tutu and Governor Ann celebrate the steps the organization has made and to look Richards. towards a more just future. Just last year, the HRC Atlanta was able to raise over $400,000 for the cause through silent Champion will be joined auction sales, corporate sponsorships, and over 1,200 dinner by a pair of local award participants. This year’s event will take place on May 3 at the winners at the Atlanta Dana Goldberg Hyatt Regency Atlanta.

Gala Dinner: Lost-n-Found Youth and Elizabeth “E.R.” As the largest civil rights organization working to achieve Anderson of Charis Circle. Also appearing as a special guest equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans, for the evening is Dana Goldberg, who was voted one of the the Human Rights Campaign represents a force of more than “Top Five Funniest Lesbians in America” by CURVE Magazine.

1.5 million members and supporters nationwide — all committed to making HRC’s vision a reality.

This year, the HRC Gala Dinner will feature the entertainment stylings of artists across a wide spectrum. DJ Yvonne Monet, Founded in 1980, HRC advocates on behalf of LGBT Countertenor David Daniels, the cast of Godspell from Stage Americans, mobilizes grassroots actions in diverse communi- Door Players, members of Wabi Sabi from Atlanta Ballet, the ties, invests strategically to elect fair-minded individuals to cast of End of the Rainbow from Actor’s Express and the cast office and educates the public about LGBT issues. of Oklahoma! from Serenbe Playhouse will all showcase their talents in the name of equality for the LGBT community.

Each year the HRC honors individuals who, in the public eye, help to advance LGBT causes. This year the HRC in at Atlanta is presenting the Visibility Award to Sam Champion.

Champion is best known as for his 25-year career as weather anchor on ABC’s Good Morning America. At the end of 2013, he left the early morning show to co-anchor AMHQ: America’s Morning Headquarters on The Weather Channel, where he is also managing editor. In December of 2012 he married his long time partner, Rubem Robierb and the two now reside To purchase tickets, and for more here in Atlanta. information about the event, auction and organization you can visit hrcatlanta.org.

Past honorees at the Atlanta HRC dinner have included Matthew Morrison, Mo’Nique, Andy Cohen, Cybill

20 // 04.30.2014

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:community

Geek Out! Free Your Inner Nerd from the Closet at Gaylaxicon photo: Brian Hughes

B

ack in Atlanta for it’s fifth year, Gaylaxicon, hosted by Outlantacon, is coming in for a crash landing at the Marriott Century Center from May 2–4 , drawing LGBT Sci-Fi fans from all over the Southeast.

By Dylan S. Goldman

The adult-themed performance is a must see, back for it’s second year after an outstanding response from conventiongoers. This is one performance sure to knock your socks off.

Make sure you dress the part for Gaylaxicon’s costuming events, including a Costuming Contest, Nea’s Geek Race and Think Dragon Con, but queer…er, more queer. From cosplay Project Cosplay. to book releases, workshops to meet ups, Gaylaxicon offers countless ways to wave your geek flag loud and proud. Play If you feel like catching a film, Outlantacon has planned an for the day, or get a room and pay less to stay; Outlantacon awesome movie lineup for this year’s Gaylaxicon, with everymembers pay only $89 per night. thing from Anime to Horror. Outlantacon strives to showcase Independent works by and/or starring GLBTQI and allied filmSponsored by Vixen Vodka, the fantastical weekend begins on makers, producers, directors, writers and actors.

May 1, with the official Outlantacon party at the Atlanta Eagle, from 10 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. After rubbing shoulders (or more) If it’s a more hands-on approach you desire, get in the game with other naughty nerds, get some beauty sleep. Opening when you visit Outlantacon’s fully stocked game room, runCeremonies begin Friday evening, May 2nd at 7:30 p.m. ning all weekend. These aren’t the games of your childhood.

These games don’t have sides to choose or require you split This year’s lineup boats several dozen well-known writers, into teams. In this game room, you never have to fear getting artists and cosplayers from the LGBT Sci-Fi community, picked last. including Kage Alan, Ally Blue, Shae Connor, Kiernan Kelly, Danny Macrae Ashby and JP Barnaby, to name only a few. After a full day of play, dance the night away at the Spectrum Workshops, book launches and other special events will be Party with VJ/DJ Glow Bear, and his male and female danchosted by Gaylaxicon’s celebrity guests. ers. Outlantaon hosted this party at last year’s Dragon Con, and it proved to be such a huge success, they’re bringing the Aside from workshops galore, Gaylaxicon has many other club beats and out-of-this-world visuals back for round two. events and activities planned for a fun-filled geekend.

Costuming is encouraged.

If you enjoy comedy, check out starfleet cosmetologist Moxie Say goodbye to your new friends at the end of the weekend Anne Magnus in The Moxie Pod-LIVE! Moxie delivers a stellar at Closing Ceremonies, which will be held in the ballroom on performance with her running tongue-in-cheek commentary May 4 from 4–5 p.m. on the Sci-Fi classic, The Moxie Pod. For more information, a full schedule of Or why not rock out with your sock out? Prepare to laugh ’til it events and to purchase weekend memhurts when authors read their work in a very unique, very funberships, visit outlantacon.org. ny way – at Sock Puppet Theatre’s Naughty Bedtime Stories.

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SPONSORED EDITORIAL eighteen Top 20 singles, and over 75 million albums sold, she has continued to contribute to the music and entertainment industry to this day—her latest album, “Satisfied,” was released in 2008, and in 2011, released her single, “Floor on Fire,” which gained her 18th top 10 single during her lengthly career.

Pop-Icon Taylor Dayne to bring in crowds for Augusta Pride 2014

In 2012, Dayne was also inducted into the Long Island Musician Hall of Fame alongside artists such as, Billy Joel and Pat Benatar.

Dayne is no stranger to Pride stages, having performed in multiple festivals across the country, including last years, Atlanta Pride.

With such a large success over the past two decades, Dayne he final headliner for this summer’s Augusta Pride could potentially bring in an even larger crowd to the still has officially been confirmed. Taylor Dayne, a sing- growing Augusta Pride festival—which has been rapidly riser-songwriting legend will be in Augusta for their 5th ing in attendees each year. pride celebration.

Dayne will be sharing the stage alongside RuPaul’s Drag Race One of the most successful performers to ever hit the Augusta stars, Chad Michaels and Latrice Royale, as well as electric Pride Stage, Dayne will be due to perform in the Augusta violinist duo, Synergy—proving to be be one of the most anCommons off Broad Street downtown—both Friday night, ticipated and entertaining line-up’s in Augusta Pride to date. and Saturday—during the 2014 pride weekend festivities.

The outdoor performances will be taking place Friday June Dayne broke into the music spotlight over 25 years ago with 27th and Saturday June 28th, in the Augusta Commons, loher hit song, “Tell It to My Heart.” With 3 Grammy nominations, cated in downtown Augusta, Georgia.

T

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davidatlanta.com // 25

:film

Cameron Diaz: The Real Thing

photo: Berry Wetcher / 20th Century Fox

C

ameron Diaz is all about breaking the rules… especially when someone else is breaking them too. Strutting into a room at the Four Seasons at Beverly Hills, the actress surveys the space and lugs an oversized sofa chair to the opposite corner where she gets comfortable, her slender legs curled behind her, heels still on.

In person, Diaz really is the sweetest thing, but don’t cross her. At least not in The Other Woman, where the actress, along with Leslie Mann and Kate Upton, serves some nasty shenanigans to a lover she learns is secretly married. (And because you need that sassy colleague to give you sage advice on getting even, Nicki Minaj co-stars.)

By Chris Azzopardi

DA: Because of its girl-power fierceness, The Other Woman aligns itself with Nine to Five, Sex and the City and The First Wives Club. Why do you think gay men in particular are so drawn to these movies?

CD: These women are underdogs. In Nine to Five it was really about discrimination. Gays and lesbians know what it’s like to be discriminated against, to be the underdog and to have to fight to be seen. That’s something that could be relatable. It’s that feeling of beating all the odds and pushing through, and continuing to go on even though you get beat down and you feel like you can’t possibly make it through.

For this gay press exclusive, the actress recalls the faux lesbi- DA: Going back, what movie of yours do you an action on the set of The Other Woman, clarifies statements attribute to the beginning of your gay following? she made regarding her sexuality (don’t call her bisexual), and CD: I don’t know! advises the ladies to “step it up a little bit.”

David Atlanta: Recently I was at the gay club and DA: How about Being John Malkovich from they played that unforgettable sing-along from The 1999?

Sweetest Thing: “The Penis Song.”

CD: Because Lotte! I mean, of course! Lotte found out who she was. She was self-realized and empowered by Cameron Diaz: No way! That’s so awesome. it, and that’s what I really loved about her – her recognizDA: When you did that song with Selma Blair and ing herself and honoring herself, and no matter what she Christina Applegate in 2002, did you ever think the just kept going until she was able to fully express herself. gays would still be dancing to a song about peDA: Actually, Lotte sounds a lot like you. In the nises this many years later? last few years you’ve been expressing your own CD: Not at all, but I guess we should have figured! We sexuality with honesty and openness, saying in interviews with Glamour UK and Playboy that should’ve guessed that. It’s quite obvious. just because you’re sexually attracted to womDA: Because the penis is timeless. en doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian. The Kinsey Scale actually suggests that everyone is a little CD: (Laughs) Exactly. The penis is timeless. bisexual. Is that what you believe too?

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CD: What I really think is a problem is that for some reason everybody needs to label. There needs to be a label for something, and you have to qualify it with a label. If we didn’t put these labels on ourselves, I think we would probably live in a much better society. We would just let people be who they are and we wouldn’t have to define them.

CD: That’s not at all what I said. That’s not what I was saying.

That’s what people are (saying). What I’m saying is that I can appreciate the beauty of another woman. I’ve said this forever: I think women’s bodies are beautiful – all shapes, all sizes. Every part of a woman is beautiful and that’s something that we’ve celebrated culturally throughout history.

Over the years I’ve known people who are male who love women, who want to be in a relationship with a woman, who want to raise a family with a woman, who have that relationship and that’s where they want to put their energy – but they also are sexually attracted to men. And just because someone’s sexually attracted to a man he has to choose whether he wants to be with a woman or a man, and vice versa with women. Women may want to have a relationship with a man, and to raise a family with him, but may also be sexually attracted to women.

DA: If a lesbian were to stop you on the street and reference one of your movies, which scene do you think they would point to? I mean, you fucked a Ferrari – that, I’m sure, was enjoyed by many a lesbian.

Because we have to label it, because we make people choose who they want to be, people aren’t happy. They’re ruining relationships and friendships and marriages, and they’re feeling like they can’t have all sides of themselves. They feel like they have to choose. If we just allowed people to be themselves and to be open to it and not have to be absolute one way or another, life could be really full.

CD: Yeah, that’s always a good time. (Laughs) But I don’t know.

It’s hard to tell. I’ve played so many different characters, and I don’t want to just generalize that all lesbians like the same kind of woman (smiles and points to herself). And there’s a lot to choose from! Everybody has different “preferences.” (Laughs) DA: Your girl crush in 2006 was Pamela Anderson.

Have your tastes changed at all?

CD: Who do I have a girl crush on?

DA: Leslie Mann?

CD: Leslie is just seriously one of the loveliest human beings.

DA: This view of sexuality seems to be a recent But I don’t know right now if I have a girl crush! I haven’t taken trend, and now people often refer to themselves as a second to look around because I’ve been working so much. “queer” because it’s more indefinable.

Honestly, I think the girls need to step it up a little bit. I’m disillusioned with all the Botox and all the filler and all the fakeness.

CD: Right, right. But does sexuality really define a person? I really love a natural beauty, something that you can celebrate.

Who you’re sexually attracted to – does that define you as a person? It’s just a part of who you are. Does who you love DA: Diane Keaton, Annie Lennox and Annette Bendefine who you are? It doesn’t. We need to see ourselves in ing are all aging naturally. the full spectrum of the human being.

CD: They are, because they’re self-possessed.

DA: Since making these statements about your own sexuality, people have tried putting you in a DA: So, as you age, you’re not interested in plastic box. surgery?

CD: No. It can be done well, but what I see with the women who do a lot of it is, the objective is to look younger, but they just DA: The press is saying, “Cameron Diaz is bisexu- start to look different. They don’t necessarily look younger, but al.” But it sounds like you don’t want to put yourself they do look different. I don’t think that I would ever want to look in that box? different. I don’t know if I could look into the mirror and be OK with seeing somebody other than myself.

CD: I don’t. People get uncomfortable (when you don’t). I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but it’s a beautiful thing that we DA: The idea of being a cartoon version of yourself can appreciate beauty in other women. I think that’s amazing. isn’t appealing?

If they’re confident in themselves and know who they are, heterosexual men can look at another heterosexual man and CD: I did a little bit (of plastic surgery). I tried it out, and that’s go, “Yeah, he’s pretty hot. He’s a sexy man.” what disturbed me. I didn’t look like myself. It scared me. I didn’t look younger. I just looked different.

DA: And you have said you can do the same with the ladies.

The Other Woman is now playing in theaters. To read more of our interview with CD: Of course.

Cameron Diaz, read our review of the film, and to win a prize pack for the film, visit DA: Could you see yourself in a relationship with a davidatlanta.com. woman, though?

Yeah.

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davidatlanta.com // 29

:music

IA: I always call myself a drag queen. My hairdresser always says, “You’re a big drag queen. You’re in drag makeup, drag hair...” And it’s true! I can’t help it!

DA: The New Classic embraces themes of empowerment, independence and perseverance. Was that intentional?

IA: That’s the general gist of my album, yeah, but I didn’t go into it thinking, “Oh, I’m gonna do these themes.” I just said, “I’m gonna write about my life.” And reflecting on it, and in retrospect, it makes sense considering it is my life, and my life is a shit fight.

(Laughs) DA: When it comes to the gay rights movement, the world is obviously evolving. Do you feel like hip-hop is keeping up with that evolution?

Introducing the Drag Rapper Du Jour:

Iggy Azalea photo: Rankin

L

By Chris Azzopardi

et’s get something straight: Iggy Azalea is not a “fake lesbian.” In an era where pseudo bisexuality is all the rage, and though her YouTube breakthrough was basically an anthem for female genitalia, Australia’s rising rap star (real name Amethyst Amelia Kelly) refuses to admit that she kissed a girl and liked it.

Doing it her own way, songs off Azalea’s long-awaited debut, The New Classic – the autobiographical rags-to-riches “Work,” and the boasting liberation single “Fancy” – showcase a fierce fighter who’s resilient, empowered and ready for rap domination. Before her appearance at Atlanta’s Center Stage on May 7, we had the chance to talk to Azalea about hip-hop homophobia and safeguarding her gays.

IA: Yeah, I think so. I saw Le1f, the rapper…the gay rapper.

DA: The one gay rapper.

IA: The one gay rapper – as if there aren’t more! (Laughs) I did see him perform on David Letterman the other day and thought, “Wow, I don’t think I would’ve seen that six years ago.” I think it’s the same thing with accepting people of different nationalities who are from different parts of the world. It takes consumers to make them see that they have a place, and I don’t think people that hold the keys to the castle are just gonna fucking hand them over and let you in – whether you’re gay or whatever! You have to just get out there enough and then be like, “I have an audience, so fuck you.”

DA: Have you ever experienced first-hand incidents of homophobia within hip-hop?

IA: Definitely. I mean, I’m around a lot of guys who are hood guys, and I have the gayest hairdresser of all time. He likes to dress in themes, so there’s definitely times when it’s never kind of said, but when I’m like, “Mmm, no. It’s gonna be trouble to bring you around these people because they’re gonna fucking say shit.”

David Atlanta: After several delays, how does it feel DA: Aww, so you’re the mother hen to the gays. to finally get this album out?

Iggy Azalea: Definitely a relief. I think people’s interest and support of “Fancy” came as a bit of a surprise. I didn’t anticipate it being as embraced as it has been on radio, so I think I’ve been very lucky in my situation leading up to my album. I’m very happy at the moment to be putting (the album) out and feeling like, yes, it’s finally out, but also, I have a song that’s doing well and getting radio play, which is something that I never usually get, so I’m very excited.

DA: You’ve been embraced in the gay community since the beginning, when you released your mixtape, Ignorant Art, in 2011.

IA: Well, I am a drag queen, so… (Laughs) DA: Do you call yourself a drag queen?

32 // 04.30.2014

IA: Yeah, pretty much. But sometimes I’ll be surprised as well.

Sometimes, especially with my hairdresser, Sami (Knight), who’s just so flamboyant, which is why I love, love, love him, there are guys who I would think would be so anti-that and they’ll be like, “I love Sami. He’s so cool, he’s so fun to have a conversation with, he’s awesome.” So there are times I’ve been surprised, but also times when I feel very protective over him.

i

Like our interview with Iggy Azalea?

Check out the full interview – including her thoughts on “fake lesbians” – online at davidatlanta.com, where you can also win a copy of The New Classic. Be sure to catch her show at Center Stage on Wednesday, May 7.

Your financial needs are unique.

Whether you want to provide for your loved ones, support the organizations that are important to you, or plan for your own comfortable retirement, I can help you plan for your goals.

Call me today at 678.871.2222 to get started.

Jeremy P. Reese Financial Advisor Mitman, Reese and Associates A financial advisory practice of Ameriprise Financial Services, Inc. 6 Concourse Parkway, Suite 2990 Atlanta, GA 30328 jeremy.p.reese@ampf.com mitmanreeseandassociates.com Ameriprise Financial is proud to be recognized with another perfect score on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index.

Ameriprise Financial Services, Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC. Š 2014 Ameriprise Financial, Inc. All rights reserved.

davidatlanta.com // 33

:community

Simply Sun: Providing More Than Tans for the Community

By Elijah Sarkesian

W

ith springtime in full force and summer just around the corner, it’s the perfect time of year to go outside and enjoy nature. After months of staying covered up or indoors, though, it’s good to think about your skin before you risk overexposure. That’s where Simply Sun Tanning can help.

went on, he sold it to another owner. He didn’t keep it for very long, so it went back to [Bill], and a few years later, he sold it to Andy Jones,” Koch says. “I worked under Andy Jones while I was still in school, working my 10 hours a week. I went through school, worked as a front desk person, and after I graduated from college at Georgia State, there was a manager’s position open, and Andy Jones offered it to me. About two and a half years later, in 2004, he approached me in February or March and offered the Since opening its doors in 1996, Simply Sun has become a popu- place to me. So I gathered some money, and purchased it from lar destination for tanners looking for a combination of state-of- him in July 2004. I’ve been running it successfully ever since.” the-art equipment and stellar customer service. That commitment to service has led to some recent changes for Simply Sun, Over the course of that decade, Koch has survived highs and including a shift to a new suite at Amsterdam Walk and adding lows, including a rough patch in 2007 and 2008 as a byproduct new, cutting edge tanning beds. of the global recession.

According to owner Troy Koch, the new space has allowed them to create a more hospitable environment for customers. “With the new space, we went from four walls and an empty space to adding retaining walls, all-new AC, all-new electricity,” says Koch. “We added the features that people want, like air conditioning to keep people cool while they’re tanning.” The retaining walls in the new space include open space between the tops of the walls and the drop ceiling above, allowing for air conditioning to circulate air into all of the rooms.”

Simply Sun has also added in three new beds, including that Simply Sun refers to as their Platinum bed. “We added a KBL Tanning Bed, our Platinum bed. [Sessions last for] ten minutes, and it provides facials,” says Koch. “The damaging rays, which people tell you to stay out of the tanning beds – these types of beds filter out the damaging rays, and let you give you all UV-A rays, which are the good rays, and filter out the UV-B rays, which are the damaging rays.”

2014 marks the tenth anniversary of Koch’s ownership of Simply Sun, though he’s been involved with the store since its opening years earlier.

“Simply Sun opened in 1996, and the owner, Bill, was running it at that time. I worked part-time, just 10 hours a week. As time 34 // 04.30.2014

“Tanning is a luxury item,” Koch acknowledges. “Luckily, I planned ahead for that rainy day, and had money set aside to keep it going. I came out of it in 2010, sales went back up as people started working, and we’ve been successful ever since.”

Not only is Simply Sun back to being financially successful; it’s also able to actively help various nonprofits throughout the city.

From major beneficiaries like Joining Hearts to smaller groups like Georgia Tech’s Pride Alliance, Koch and Simply Sun do their part to help these organizations raise money for their causes.

It’s going above and beyond for Simply Sun’s community and client base, something Koch believes is fundamental to his business.

“My ratings on customer service are really high, which is why I have a huge following from customers who have been here for ten years. They still follow me because of customer service and our location, and the cleanliness of the salon.”

i

Simply Sun Tanning is located at 500 Amsterdam Ave NE. For more information, including pricing and availability, call 404-874-9600 or visit simplysuntan.com.

davidatlanta.com // 35

40 // 04.30.2014

“religion outside the box�

The Transcended chrisTian at amazon.com in paperback and e-book

For Lent, Easter, and Pentecost,

Daniel offers mind-blowing chapters on the Cross, the Resurrection, the Mystical Marriage at Cana, and the Holy Spirit.

Author of What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality, ordained Catholic priest, theologian, and professor of psychology, he unearths the profound relevance of traditional beliefs for spirituality today.

Meet him online at visionsofdaniel.net

davidatlanta.com // 41

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1049 juniper st * atlanta 30309 404.875.6634 * joesonjuniper.com

! s r o i l a s l l a g n l i l ca

There’s a new menu in town at Joe’s, featuring: - Excitement!

- adventure!

- flavor!

- Value!

- innuendos!

lunch • dinner • blunch • late night

theScene 1

10th & Piedmont 991 Piedmont Ave NE

14 Club Eros

27 Hobnob

40 Tripps

2

Amsterdam 502 Amsterdam Ave NE

15 Cowtippers

28 Joe's on Juniper

41 Urban Body Fitness

3

Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

16 The Den

29 Jungle

42 Woof's

4

BJ Roosters 2043 Cheshire Bridge Rd

17 Einstein's

30 Las Margaritas

43 XS Ultra Lounge

5

Blake's 227 10th St NE

18 F.R.O.G.S

31 Manifest 4 U

6

Bliss 2284 Cheshire Bridge Rd

19 Felix's

32 Mixx

7

Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Ave NE

20 Flex Spa

33 The Model T

Le Buzz 585 Franklin Rd SE Marietta, GA

8

Brushstrokes 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

21 Friends

34 Oscar's

Lips Atlanta 3011 Buford Hwy NE

9

Brushstrokes Pleasures 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

22 G’s Midtown

35 Opus 1

Mary's 1287 Glenwood Ave SE

10 Bubbles Salon

23 Gravity Fitness

36 Roxx

My Sister's Room 1271 Glenwood Ave SE

11 Bulldogs

24 Henry’s

37 Sam's Hair Salon

Club Rush 2715 Buford Hwy NE

12 Burkhart's

25 Heretic

38 Southern Nights

Sister Louisa’s Church 466 Edgewood Ave SE

13 Campagnolo

26 The Hideaway

39 Ten Atlanta

Swinging Richard's 1400 Northside Dr NW

1579 Monroe Dr NE 893 Peachtree St NE 1492 Piedmont Ave NE 980 Piedmont Ave NE

2219 Faulkner Rd NE 1600 Piedmont Ave NE 2135 Liddell Dr NE 1077 Juniper St NE 931 Monroe Cir NE 1510 Piedmont Ave NE 76 4th St NW

1551 Piedmont Ave NE

1931 Piedmont Cir NE

1049 Juniper St NE

500 Amsterdam Ave NE

2115 Faulkner Rd NE

2425 Piedmont Rd NE

1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd

708 Spring St NW Not Shown: Cockpit 465 Boulevard SE

2103 Faulkner Rd NE 1492 Piedmont Ave NE 699 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE 219 10th St NE

1510 Piedmont Ave NE 1086 Alco St NE

2201 Faulkner Rd NE 132 10th St NE

1824 Cheshire Bridge Rd 2000 Cheshire Bridge Rd

2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd 1544 Piedmont Ave NE

2205 Cheshire Bridge Rd 990 Piedmont Ave NE

Bar/Cocktails

Retail

Dining

Billiards/Darts

Dancing

Dancers

Non-Smoking

Leather

Hair/Beauty

Fitness

Drag

Baths/Spa

56 // 04.30.2014

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Zip Around Town in Style!

Sponsored by Nalley BMW of Decatur Please Practice Safe Driving Habits

Piedmont Park davidatlanta.com // 57

Bartab MONDAY

10th & piedmont Half Price Wine Bottles BLAKE’S Trivia at 11. $$$ prizes BURKHART’S Blue Monday Karaoke with Darlene at 10PM COCKPIT Big Red Cup All Day, specials EAGLE Music Videos with Scotty FELIX’S Free Pool FRIENDS Manic Mondays DJ opens - 2 pm G’s Half Price Wine Bottles HERETIC Jukebox drag with Knomie Moore HIDEAWAY $2.50 Domestic Beer JUNGLE Stars of the Century Show 11pm MODEL T Monday Night Madness Free Pool - 10pm - 2am OSCAR’S Service Industry Night with Eric swinging richards Hip-Hop Night, Sponsored by Hennessy 8:30pm

TUESDAY

10th & piedmont Shareable Experience BLAKE’S Karaoke with Sasie Monroe & Suzanne Gleeson @ 11pm BURKHART’S DRAG-EOKE with Angelica D’Paige and Ruby Redd at 10PM club rush “Tipsy Tuesday” 18 & up Open until 4am COCKPIT 80s Party 9pm, specials 5-8pm EAGLE Tuesdays w/ Tony FELIX’S Smirnoff Martini Night FRIENDS Let’s Make A Deal with Ken 6 pm G’s Industry Night HERETIC 2-Step Tuesday, dance till 11pm HIDEAWAY Trivia with Wil 9 pm las margaritas Cuban Night - $12.95 All You Can Eat Cuban Buffet & $5 Mojitos MODEL T Wii Tuesday Afternoons 2pm 9pm $2.50 beer / $3.0 well vodka OSCAR’S Show Tune Tuesday with Chad8 pm SWINGING RICHARDS 1/2 Price cover

WEDNESDAY

BLAKE’S 5-9 Doug’s Party Pop Hits. “yoUVee” Glow-Go Boys with Neon 10p12am BURKHART’S HUMPDAY KARAOKE with Darlene at 10PM Campagnolo Any Bottle of Wine Half Off COCKPIT Balls Deep Karaoke 10pm EAGLE Underwear Night with Tony Friends Hump Night with Regina Simms G’s Karaoke with DJ Audio Prism heretic Pig Dance Black Out Party DJ Stan Jackson 10pm-3am NO COVER hideaway 1/2 Price Beer 58 // 04.30.2014

got an upcoming event? calendar@davidatlanta.com jungle Dragnificence 10pm SATURDAY lips atlanta Bitchy Bingo

10th & piedmont Bellini Brunch blake’s Open at 1pm, All NEW Show, DragXotic 11pm BURKHART’S SYNERGY with Shawnna Brooks and Monica Van Pelt at 11PM Campagnolo Legendary Musician blake’s Texas Hold’Em Poker 7pm, “Duct Robert Ray on the piano 10pm-1am Tape Dynasty” with Shawnna Brooks 11pm cockpit DJ Diablo Rojo, guest VJ/DJ’s BURKHART’S DANCEFLOOR DIVAS eagle DJ Dance Party with Phoenix (RuPaul’s Drag Race s3) at felix’s Karaoke w/ Brett & Tyler 10pm 11:30PM friends Free Pool and Cheap beer with DJ! eagle Balls Deep Karaoke w/ Mikey 2 pm - 6 pm felix’s Karaoke w/ Brett & Tyler 10pm G’s All you care to eat brunch friends Where Girls Who Like Girls Meet heretic Varies: Club Night or 3 Legged Girls with Regina Simms 8-closing Cowboy Night - 10pm G’s Game Night with Mr. Brent Star hideaway Open at 12:30pm! Saturday heretic 3 Legged Cowboy Night 9pm Night Party hideaway Service Industry Night jungle Ruby’s Redd Light District 9pm; jungle Sing for Your Life 8pm Club Night, Various Guest DJ’s Las Margaritas Dirty South Trivia lips atlanta Glitz & Glamour Las Vegas $5 Smirnoff & Cuervo Drinks. House Cash Style Prizes & $5 Wings model t Texas Holdem Poker - 3 pm | lips atlanta Dinner with the Divas Party with the M&M Boiz - 9 pm model t Party Time with Michael - 9 pm oscar’s DJ Christopher Kind oscar’s Twisted Thursday with Eric swinging richards T-Shirt Review $10 swinging richards 2-4-1 VIP & Entry ten atlanta Music & Videos by DJ Rob ten atlanta Decadence | A Night of Reum 10pm Drinking and Debauchery w/ Wet Underwear Contest at 11pm model t Party with Elvis - 9 pm oscar’s Ruby Redd’s After Party - 10 pm swinging richards 2-4-1 VIP Room

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SUNDAY

10th & piedmont Bellini Brunch | Flashback Showgirls with Angelica D’Paige 10th & piedmont Bites & Bubbles 5:00- blake’s Open at 1pm - High Energy 7:15; 1st Friday- Popstars, Last Friday Music & Video w/ Bill Berdeaux @ 3pm – Swank Cell Block Sunday w/ Lateasha at 8 pm. blake’s 5-9pm TGIF, Charlie’s Angels 11pm BURKHART’S The Armorettes at 9PM BURKHART’S FEMME FATALE with Desclub rush Hip Hop and R&B - 18 & up tiny Brooks and Justice Taylor at 11PM Open until 4am Campagnolo Live Piano by Gay Men’s felix’s Bloody Marys & Mimosas Chorus member Daniel Guillaro 10pm-1am friends Open @ 2pm; Dinner @ 4pm club rush “Got Leche” Free entry until while it lasts 11pm 18 & up - Open until 4am G’s All you care to eat brunch | Karaoke cockpit DJ Diablo Rojo, guest VJ/DJ’s with DJ Audio Prism eagle DJ Dance Party hideaway Atlanta’s Favorite Bloody Mary friends Happy Time Friday Kelly & Ken 6 pm Bar! 12:30 pm heretic FUR Friday lips atlanta Gospel Brunch w/ Bubba hideaway Kick Back Fridays!

D. Licious jungle Dinner and a Movie 7 pm; The las margaritas Papi’s $17.95 Other Show with Edie Cheezburger 9:30pm Unlimited Brunch & Choice of Mimosas, lips atlanta Glitz & Glamour Las Vegas Sangrias, Bloody Maria’s, & Mojitos Style model t Sunday Dinner with Ron 3:30 pm model t Friday Bagels - 10 am | Texas oscar’s Sunday Fun-day Holdem Poker 8 pm ten atlanta Brunch 11am & Music by oscar’s Music Video Night DJ Rob Reum 4pm swinging richards T-Shirt Review,$10 ten atlanta Music & Videos by DJ Shane V / DJ Daryl Cox 10pm

davidatlanta.com // 59

Datebook Christina Perri

Wednesday, April 30 • 7 p.m. • Buckhead Theatre (3110 Roswell Rd) • thebuckheadtheatre.com The singer/songwriter, who made a splash a few years ago with her song “Jar of Hearts,” comes to Atlanta in support of her new album, Head or Heart.

Talons Beer Bust

Sunday, May 4 • 4–8 p.m. • Hideaway (1544 Piedmont Ave) • atlantahideaway.com Join the Atlanta PBR Talons for a Cinco de Mayo-style beer bust at Hideaway, complete with Jell-O shots, a raffle, and music from DJ Robert Ansley.

Lady Gaga’s artRave

Tuesday, May 6 • 7:30 p.m. • Philips Arena (1 Philips Dr) • philipsarena.com Mother Monster returns to Atlanta in support of her ARTPOP Wednesday, April 30 • 8 p.m. • Ten album, with special guests Lady Starlight and Hatsune Miku.

Atlanta (990 Piedmont Ave) • tenatlanta.com Are the Lips a Grave?

Ten Atlanta kicks off its weekly sum- Wednesday, May 7 • 7:30–9 p.m. • Charis Books () • mer movie series with something spe- charisbooksandmore.com cial: Mean Girls, on the 10th anniver- Author Lynne Huffer discusses her book, Are the Lips a Grave? sary of its release. Just remember: on A Queer Feminist on the Ethics of Sex, which examines the Wednesdays, the Plastics wear pink. areas where queers and feminists agree and disagree.

Dinner and a Movie: ‘Mean Girls’

‘American Idiot!’

Thursday, May 1–Sunday, May 4 • Fox Theatre (660 Peachtree St NE) • foxtheatre.org Based on Green Day’s concept album, this musical makes its Atlanta debut during a four-day run at the Fox.

Lana Del Rey

Thursday, May 1 • 8 p.m. • Tabernacle (152 Luckie St NW) • tabernacleatl.com The voice behind the hit songs “Summertime Sadness,” “Young and Beautiful” and “West Coast” comes to Atlanta for a sold-out show.

2014 Mr. HSL Pageant

Saturday, May 3 • 5 p.m. • Jungle (2115 Faulkner Rd) • hotlantasoftball.org Join the Hotlanta Softball League for a night of fun in the Wild Wild West, as teams show off their hottest and most talented men and women for the annual Mr. HSL Pageant.

Jockstrap Sister Twister

Saturday, May 3 • 9–11 p.m. • Atlanta Eagle (306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE) • atlantaeagle.com The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence bring a night of fun to the Atlanta Eagle with their monthly event.

60 // 04.30.2014

This Week in Theaters The Amazing Spider-Man 2: The second film in this reboot series finds Peter Parker facing a slew of villains, including Electro and the Green Goblin. The question everyone wants to know, though: will Gwen Stacy survive this film?

Decoding Annie Parker: Based on the true story of American geneticist Mary-Claire King, and the friendship she forged with breast-cancer patient Annie Parker while searching for the link between DNA and cancer.

Only Lovers Left Alive: After centuries of influencing musicians and scientists, a vampire finds himself depressed by the direction of human activities until he reunites with his lover.

But when her uncontrollable younger sister disrupts their reunion, they have to learn to survive in a modern world.

davidatlanta.com // 61

Solution on pg. 67

Pink Soap

Across 1 Word for a sea wall that sounds LGBT 5 Ginsberg’s “In Back of the ___” 9 Wore 14 Burl of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof 15 Bedfellow 16 Become “husband and husband” on the fly 17 With 19-Across, soap opera that will feature the first 38-Across on daytime TV 19 See 17-Across 20 Dildo, e.g.

21 Skimpy skirt 23 Dottermans of Antonia’s Line 24 Producer Meron 26 Royal family of France 28 Teletubbies airer in the U.S. 31 Stuffed shirt 33 Get by somehow 62 // 04.30.2014

36 Chews the fat 38 Ceremony for Sonny and Will, for example 40 Speak off the cuff 42 One + one, in Barrie’s land 43 Like rays caught at South Beach 44 She plays Marlena, who will officiate at the 38-Across 47 Human Rights Campaign fundraiser, e.g.

48 Sign of horniness?

49 Linda Hunt’s The ___ of Living Dangerously 51 P-town summer hrs.

52 Prelims for Bruce Hayes 54 Twosome 56 “So, it’s YOU!” 58 It’s hard and woody 60 Ducks 64 Sonny Kiriakis portrayer Freddie 66 Will Horton portrayer 68 Joe of baseball 69 Carpet layer’s calculation

28 What the Devil wears, in a movie 29 Former German state 30 Be picky about a woman’s pubes?

32 Secluded road Down 34 Responders to “Bite me!”?

1 Conn of Grease 35 White-plumed bird 2 “Terrible” ruler 37 Come slowly closer 3 Elton John’s 88 39 Whipped 4 To eat, to Ulrichs 41 Enjoys oxygen 5 Activity that may leave 45 Ziegfeld Follies costume foam on your face designer 6 “Xanadu” grp.

46 Put aside 7 Former senior 50 Shankar of sitar 8 Line from Lerner 53 Heroic tales 9 Chopper landing spots 10 He worked where you see 55 Put out 56 Nick was his master lots of boxers 57 Med. care groups 11 Fit perfectly 59 Von Trapp youngster 12 Artist Robert 13 Untouchable head 61 Man, as a cruising goal 62 Antiviral drug measure 18 Rock group?

63 Kirk Read’s How I Learned 22 Dick, for one to ___ 25 Strongly opposed (to) 27 R.E.M.’s “It’s the ____ the 65 Threesome in Roma 67 Positive vote World as We Know It” 70 Poet Gidlow 71 Targets of tops 72 Choose not to come 73 Bottomless

AIDS Vaccine 200 • One Day Ride Option • May 18, 2014

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www.AV200.org davidatlanta.com // 63

fairyscopes ARIES (March 20 – April 19):

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22):

Shine a light in your community by fighting for gay rights today. Educate your friends on the magnitude of the issue, and get them to join in too. It’s grass roots efforts like this that get people aware, so use your powers of persuasion by talking to whoever will listen.

Couples living together should think twice before working together as well. A little space is needed in any relationship, and sometimes too much togetherness is way too much.

Keep your relationship exciting and vital by seeing as little of each other as possible today.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20):

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21):

Vow to be a solid contributor at home today. Your partner may have been hinting that you’re slacking off on chore duty, so prove him wrong. Give all your tasks your complete focus today – those kooky celebrities on Dlisted will be there tomorrow.

Let your partner redecorate today, but keep the kitchen off limits. Some places don’t need a makeover, especially a familiar old friend like your trusty kitchen. As least you’ll know your way around there, something you might not be able to say about your house once your partner is through.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20):

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 20):

You want to spend the day doing nothing under the sun, but it may be better to balance it with a bit of errand duty in the morning. Take care of some chores that you have been putting off a little too long and then enjoy the rest of the afternoon in the hammock.

Do something for Mother Earth today. By planting an apple tree you can kill two birds with one stone. Think of the delicious pies you can make with the bounty of apples from your very own tree. Of course, you may have to wait fifteen years for that, but at least you’re on your way.

CANCER (June 21- July 22):

CAPRICORN (December 21 – January 19):

Throwing temper tantrums will be no way to get what you want today. In fact, friends who are used to your outbursts will only turn away and laugh. You may have to tone down the Joan Crawford act today, since they’ve seen that movie too many times to take you seriously.

Don’t lose yourself in social networking where people might expect you to be something you’re not. Playing eager to please may be just what they want, and the next thing you’re wearing marionette strings. Be your own guy today and go your own way. You’re your own best company today.

LEO (July 23 – August 22):

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18):

Today may be fraught with relationship problems, so you’ll have to come up with good solutions. This will put a taxing toll on you as you’re forced to take control. You’ll be careful of hurting his ego as you manage this crisis, but it could be unavoidable.

Your ambition to be a world famous anything may be tempered by a minimum of talent. But do what you can today to get better. Take a few classes and learn some new tricks.

When you return you may not yet be a household name, but at least you’re working on it.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22):

PISCES (February 19 – March 19):

When you offer your opinion you do so with the blunt intensity of a jackhammer. This often leaves people bruised and bloodied. Replace your big tool with a wet noodle today.

That should be a familiar position for you and it won’t hurt as much when you start lashing at them.

You’ll rapidly lose what little focus you start with today. Pray it’s a slow day because you won’t be able to deal with any details or problems. Slack about and then hit up with your pals later for some fun. Just don’t tax yourself, please.

64 // 04.30.2014

classifieds HELP WANTED

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Phone: 770.919.8825 ext. 406 Website: JamieArnoldRealty.com Email: Jamie@JamieArnoldRealty.com

Allison McTigue Salon

stylist & Assistant needed

Established and charming boutique hair salon in the heart of Buckhead seeks to add a full- or part-time stylist on a commission or rental basis. The ideal candidate will have positive energy and be attentive to clients in discovering their inherent beauty and sexiness expressed in hair art that is naturally beautiful. Must be dedicated to providing exceptional cuts, color and finishing with a whimsical, fun personality. This is an opportunity to establish a longterm working relationship with a salon owner who is an expert in color, color correction and the French technique of hairstyling with a loyal clientele.

Contact Allison McTigue at allisonmctigue@gmail.com.

RUB DOwN / body work

QUALITY HANDS BY JEFF Full body rubs for Men 404-216-7214 FULL BODY MASSAGE by Walter @ 404-872-5671 (8th St. @Monroe Dr.) Only $40..Shave too License No. MT003122

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davidatlanta.com // 65

S

ummer will be here before you know it. I’m looking forward to scuba diving at Coki Beach and feeling the warm St. Thomas breeze on my back as I motor boat the hell outta my boyfriend’s muscle butt. Not the case with everyone else, especially the People With Problems in this week’s installment of Favorite Bitch! When life is serving you some heat rash realness, don’t get aggravated. Instead, reach for the frozen Grey Goose, cool that temper (even if it means downing the whole damn bottle) and handle ya business. It’s about to be a Cruel Summer without the Bananarama soundtrack ...

Dear Miss Tiger, I’m Latino and I use to only date white guys. I started seeing a dude from Mexico. It’s almost summertime and I’m looking forward to enjoying it with my new papi. He’s got a big, ghetto booty but doesn’t know how to use it on the dance floor! I realize he’s new to the gay scene and all, but where’s his suerte? Please help me, Mamí!

-Máximo

Dear I Bet You Spent More Time In The Human Resources Office Than Playing In Makeup, When looking for your next job, be honest and ask yourself why they kept everyone else and your ass got the boot? As far as how to cope ... summertime is right around the corner. Do like everyone else who gets laid off during this season - sit at the beach and collect your motha fuckin’ unemployment check, hunty! If you get a little short on cash, sashay your ass to Craigslist and do odd jobs for some supplemental coins. NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, I done went and got my heart busted up last summer vacation. I can’t do nothing but cry over my ex, Shawna.

Got any advice for a country girl?

-Lacey in Gilbert Creek, West Virginia

Dear Be Thankful She Busted Up Your Achy Breaky Heart And Not Your Motha Fuckin’ Face, Jesus Christ, Lacey! Will you please go the general store Dear All Chips And No Salsa, in your neck of the woods and buy a goddamn English What good is a Big Mac without the special sauce? NEXT! grammar book? Your double negatives are fucking killing me!

Dear Miss Tiger, I think my little brother is gay because every summer he Before you came out as a dyke, that redneck you were works as a bartender on a gay cruise ship. He denies it, dating broke your hymen and you got over it, right? So but I’m convinced! How do I know for sure? do the same with that broken heart.

-Bethany P.S. - A heart is like laundry. It gets used, worn and Dear I’m Convinced You’re A Fag Hag, shit-on ... but after a good wash, it’s good as new. Find If you need to know that bad, smuggle yo’ ass on to one of yourself some new pussy! NEXT! his Atlantis All-Gay Cruises and find the fuck out!

Need advice? Write, Tweet or Facebook me and get Then take a stroll to the lower deck and follow the sultry the answers you’ve been looking for, Hunty! sounds of EDM. If you see your little brother: face-fucking a troll while simultaneously selling JELL-O shots ... chances are it’s not just a summer job! NEXT! Advice columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Dear Miss Tiger, Website: FavoriteBitch.com Facebook: /MissTiger Girl, my job downsized and kept all those other bitches Advice : ask@misstiger.com but me. To hell with that place. I can get another job selling cosmetics anywhere! Any tips on how to cope?

-Zach

Miss Tiger

66 // 04.30.2014

Pink Soap solution

davidatlanta.com // 67

Bitch SESSION SEND US YOUR BITCHES! Text 404.969.BTCH or email bitch@davidatlanta.com

You’re, like, really pretty…

So you agree? You think you’re really pretty?

My pecs can always tell when it’s going to rain.

Well…they can tell when it’s raining.

When I read Bitch Session, I literally wanna sit down and cry for you shallow queens.

Ex-boyfriends are off-limits to friends.

That’s just, like, the rules of homosexuality.

68 // 04.30.2014

If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.

I hate it when people say they are toned on Grindr and when you get there, they are a fat drunken pig. But I’m already here.

Did you see nipple?

It only counts if you saw a nipple!

Okay, we see your rings around your necks. We get it. You’re a couple. Now stop groping and mauling each other at the gym.

This isn’t high school.

That’s why his bulge is so big.

It’s full of secrets.

She doesn’t even go here!

Okay, who in the H believes Paula Deen said the N word once? Bitch, please! That being said, she should have settled the lawsuit and deserves a second chance. *This page reflects the bitchiness of the community not David Atlanta or its publisher (although we’re bitchy too!)

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davidatlanta.com // 69