David v18 i45 by David Magazine

11.11.15 V.18 I.45

DRT Media Group Inc. 1874 Piedmont Ave., Suite 370-C Atlanta, GA 30324 404.418.8901

MANAGEMENT David Thompson (x101) Publisher david@davidatlanta.com William Duffee-Braun (x105) Sales and Development Director william@davidatlanta.com Mike Fleming (x102) Editorial Director mike@davidatlanta.com Joe Ragsdale (x103) Art Director ragsdale@davidatlanta.com

SALES

COUNTRY QUEEN

Carrie Underwood’s new Storyteller album and upcoming Stories in the Round tour break new ground for Country’s reigning queen. We give you a sneak peak of the February concert and take a loving look at her latest release.

MAN ENOUGH

STARS SHINE

When these guys put on a dress, it’s every man for PALS. The annual Manly Miss America pageant lines up contestants in swimsuit, evening gown and fundraising to see which one really has what it take to come out on top for PALS.

What do you get when you mix ChiChi LaRue, Boomer Banks, Angelica D’Paige, Brent Star, DJ Marc J. Cubs and Wild Cherry Sucret with the Movember ATL guys? It’s the must-do Movember Circus of Stars party at Heretic sponsored by David.

NEXT GENERATION

In this week’s Obsessed column, Tony asks the burning question, “What is this world coming to?” With videos of kids running the classrooms and bigotry running the teacher’s lounges, education needs a higher place on the LGBT priority list.

At community distribution points across the city

online

At DavidAtlanta.com

Russ Youngblood (x106) Senior Sales Representative russ@davidatlanta.com Steve Tyrrell (x107) steve@davidatlanta.com Jim Brams (x108) jim@davidatlanta.com

CONTRIBUTORS Dustin Shrader (x109) Associate Editor dustin@davidatlanta.com Matt Hennie Technical Web Coordinator Tony Gowell Chris Azzopardi Jesse Hancock Jason Mietelski Jeffery Silvey Gregg Wynn

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The content of this Publication is for your general information and use only. It is subject to change without notice. The opinions expressed by any writer, advertiser, or other person appearing in the Magazine are not necessarily those of the Publication, its management or staff. The information and materials appearing in the Magazine are not guaranteed or warranted as to accuracy, timeliness, performance, completeness, or suitability of the information and materials found or offered for a particular purpose. It shall be your responsibility to ensure that any products, services, or information available through this Publication meets your specific requirements. The Publication is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, content of information, changes, events, and schedules. The Magazine contains information and material which is owned by or licensed to the Publication, including but not limited to articles, advertisement, design, layout, graphics, and logos. No part or portion of this Publication may be reproduced in any way without the prior written consent of the Publisher. Unauthorized use of this Publication may give rise to claims for damages and or criminal offenses. Your use of the information or materials in the Publication is strictly at your own risk. 6 | 11.11.15

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datebook

where to go and what to do this week

PARIS IS BURNING Before there was vogueing, there was the movie that has become synonymous with Ball Culture. The quintessential lesson in ball performances returns to the big screen for one night only. In addition to the film, live drag is also on tap with local queens in “Rocky Horror-style” accompaniment to the screening. Saturday, Nov. 14, 9:30 p.m. • Plaza Theatre • 1049 Ponce de Leon Ave. NE • plazaatlanta.com

POPPED ART 2 Local gay artist Patrick Hanson bring his new pop-inspired works to this exhibit of paintings, mixed media and assemblage. You’ve loved his art and admired his commitment to share it with LGBT Atlanta causes; now you can get up close and personal with his latest work. Saturday, Nov. 14, 7 p.m. • Cherrylion Studios • 889 Morris St. NW • handsonworks.com

12 | 11.11.15

art: Patrick Hanson

MANSHAFT: LEATHER-LEVI EDITION The name of the game is fetish gear from harnesses to undershirts on everybody from daddies to boys and bears to cubs. Old-time hanky code is in effect, and all masculine-presenting guys and their admirers are invited to come early, stay late and “kink it up” at this semi-annual event featuring manly beats by DJs Neon the Glowgobear and Diablo Rojo.

photo: Russ Youngblood

Saturday, Nov. 14, 9 p.m. • Heretic • 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE • hereticatlanta.com

‘THE TRUSH & THE WOODPECKER’ Local gay luminary playwright Steve Yockey continues the world premiere run of his latest play, a suspense thriller with lesbian director Melissa Foulger. It runs in repertory with another new Yockey original, “Blackberry Winter.” Tuesdays –Sundays, through Nov. 22 • Actor’s Express • 887 W. Marietta Street • actors-express.com

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still turned out to be positive contributors of the community, so I think a lot can be said of having a firmer hand in raising your children. Everybody needs their ass spanked, even if nowadays it’s more for fun than as an adolescent punishment. With budget cuts in education and salary deficits, it’s no wonder that fewer and fewer people try to teach. It’s not a glamorous gig at all. I actually went to college to be a Special Ed teacher, and the politics of being a gay man around elementary school students in rural Tennessee encouraged me to seek a new profession. It’s sad, really, just how shitty other faculty can be to the new guy. The instances of a gay male teacher finger banging a student is actually way less than the amount of straight PE teachers diddling cheerleaders, but the perception is there that we’re all on the prowl, suffering from the homosexual illness spreading our Gay Agenda. And that’s just the feel from fellow educators, whom should know better.

The mis-education of the next generation

Sadly, most of our Southern rural schools are filled with fat middle-aged soccer moms. Without their Lord and their constant gossip, they’ve really got nothing else to talk about. Except maybe these new instances of crazed delinquents with cell phone cameras. Phones should be banned from all school classrooms and only be allowed on school property if they stay in lockers.

Those students in viral videos desperately need the right eduViral videos are an obsession for everyone. But is it me, or are cation. You know, the one that taught you how to balance your young people being more and more cruel in the filming of class- finances and check books, allowed you to learn how our government and political systems worked and build interview skills, and room scenarios gone wrong? taught you what exactly 401k and health benefits were all about. The latest one, of the poor substitute teacher getting bullied and threatened by students, makes me absolutely furious. At one Without those types of basics, these kids aren’t going to be lead point, one student raises a desk to throw it at her, just for asking us into any kind of brilliant future. They’re going to simply usher his name. She’s then even further harassed for trying to get the in a co-dependent virus that will keep all of us working to support them until we’re in our 80s and can’t physically do it anymore. students to put their trash in a trash can. If you have kids, stay on top of their school interactions and performances at all times. My son came to me late in life, and I really wish I could have taught him these types of skills at a much younger age. Just don’t be that parent, and help the parent you know that isn’t doing well. Help them be the difference we all These little fuckers should be punished, and their parents should need, not just for their futures, but ours too. be punished for just being despicable role models. I imagine by the time you read this, expulsions will have been handed out like Whatever these tormented kids are going through, they deserve candy, and rightfully so. People will call her weak, and tell her better than just being the next social media camera operator, or to get a better job if she can’t tough it out. No one really wins worse – the victim of a vicious and cruel joke that’s heard and in this scenario. seen around the world. Where did our society go wrong? Since when is it OK for students to bully their teachers? Why would someone think to even film this exchange? Where were more authoritative figures to help the poor substitute teacher?

I will share this with you all: My parents would have beat the shit out of me had I even attempted to just talk about throwing a desk at a teacher, long less actually pick one up and trying to throw it. That was my house, not yours. Your upbringing was probably very different than mine, but I saw many a belt, hickory switch, and fly swatter back in the day. Amazingly, my brother and I 20 | 11.11.15

Tony Gowell

Tony Gowell is a bi-weekly columnist, exclusively writing for David Atlanta. Contact him at obsessed@davidatlanta.com with your latest obsessions. If you’re half way interesting, he might write about it, and if he doesn’t… better luck next time!

New Townhome Designs

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SPINN by Dustin Shrader

AS THE UNIVERSE IMPATIENTLY WAITS FOR THE RETURN OF ADELE, THERE IS ANOTHER SUPERSTAR COMEBACK NOT TO BE OVERLOOKED. CARRIE UNDERWOOD REINVENTS THE WHEEL ON STORYTELLER.

he reigning queen of Country Carrie Underwood dropped her fifth full studio album Storyteller on Oct. 23, and the epic record lives up to the hype. Underwood also announced The Storyteller Tour: Stories in the Round, a 360-degree arena tour with audiences sitting on all sides of the stage. Yes, fans. Atlanta’s Carrie moment is coming

Storyteller is the first complete compilation of music from the blonde siren since her stormy, platinum-selling Blown Away cycloned up the charts in 2012. Originally planned for a 2014 release, it was delayed due to Underwood’s pregnancy. Never one to disappoint her CareBears, the singer tided everyone over by releasing a greatest hits album, featuring her plethora of No. 1 singles in addition to two chart-toppers, the inspiring, faith-based “Something in the Water,” and the rocker-ballad “Little Toy Guns.” It was just enough to quench the thirst of this year’s most anticipated album in Country music. Like any good tale, Storyteller could be divided into two acts. The first six tracks are edgy and smokey, a set of stories that Underwood describes herself as “dirty,” a careening departure from her past Country-Pop straddlers. The second half tells Underwood’s most personal tales yet in her signature style. The album opens as strong as you’d expect with the gritty outlaw-ish “Renegade Runaway” an uptempo number pictureperfect for Underwood’s magnanimous vocals. As the stage is set, the singer 22 | 11.11.15

NNING

TALES

takes you along through her next couple of revenge dramas with the metaphorical “Dirty Laundry” and the seedy “Church Bells.” In the former, Underwood plays the scorned wife, airing her husband’s cheating discretions out to dry, clothes-pinning his secrets to the line.

Atlanta caught a sneak peak of what the superstar has in store during her surprise pop-up concert at the Variety Playhouse in September.

CMT was on hand to film the private performance for the network’s Instant Jams Concert Series. Our girl did not let us down. The latter recalls the story of the beautiful Jenny who strikes In addition to Storyteller hits like “Smoke Break,” Underwood it rich when she marries a wealthy, abusive oilman. Multiple crooned out her classics and took a couple of breaks to slow bruises and dark sunglasses later, Jenny plots her freedom, things down and chat with the audience. praying in the back pew with the Baptists. Dear husband is deader than a doornail before those poignant church bells She was blown away by a response that she said exceeded ring for the last time. her expectations. Underwood told us that she couldn’t be more blessed to do what she does and can’t wait to come back to The cornerstone of the album, “Choctaw County Affair” is Atlanta and bring all the stories of Storyteller with her. quite possibly a career-defining moment for Underwood. This swampy, blues rendition of a Bonnie and Clyde love-story Visit davidatlanta.com for a chance to win a free digital takes you to the highest highs and the lowest of lows with copy of Storyteller. Visit carrieunderwoodofficial.com for one kick-ass harmonica solo courtesy of Travis Meadows. more information on the album and tour. Turning down the temperature for Storyteller’s final act, Carrie undeniably proves this is her most personal album yet. Diehard fans will recognize the American Idol winner’s sound that they have come to cherish over the years. “Chaser,” “Relapse” and “Clock Don’t Stop” push Underwood’s limits, while still remaining true to her signatures. Sweet ballads, “Heartbeat,” “Like I’ll Never Love You Again” and “What I Never Knew I Always Wanted” open the doors into the her intimate world, lamenting her feelings about her own life, love and happiness. All in all, Storyteller is a successful result of immaculate writing and commanding vocals, a balance most of Carrie’s peers fail to strike. She bridges the gap between Country’s past and present, keeping one eye on going big and the other on finessing the fine, musical arrangements and depth Storyteller encompasses. Five stars all the way. Underwood brings her “Stories in the Round” tour to the Infinite Energy Arena in Duluth, Ga., on Feb. 1, 2016. David davidatlanta.com | 23

community

Pageantry for PALS

by Jeffery Silvey

THE THIRD-ANNUAL MANLY MISS AMERICA TAKES THE TRADITIONAL ELEMENTS OF A BEAUTY PAGEANT AND TURNS THEM UPSIDE DOWN BY ENLISTING ‘MACHO’ MEN TO COMPETE AS ELEGANT LADIES TO BENEFIT GAY FAVORITE CHARITY PETS ARE LOVING SUPPORT.

ince Donald Trump is running for president, Miss USA could leave one less viable pageant platform for those looking for high quality pageantry. Look no further than the upcoming Manly Miss America pageant hosted by PALS. Yes, really.

In the riotously fun charitable pageant set for Saturday, Nov. 14, Macho guys trade in their muscle tees for halter tops and put down their free weights to pick up their favorite shade of lipstick – all to raise money for the locally beloved Pets Are Loving Support, which helps critically ill people keep and care for their pets. Last year’s winner Miss Utah, better known as PALS go-to guy David Lile, returns this year as one of the pageant’s directors. Last year’s Miss New York Joel Feuer joins him, as well as Kevin Bryant. In addition to being one of the directors, Manly Miss America 2014 will be on hand to pass the crown to the next deserving winner. Seven contestants vie for the crown this year during the pageant. The pageant is broken down into four judging categories: evening gown, swimsuit and each guy serving his take on a state costume that he chooses as his “home state” to represent during the pageant. The fourth category is the most important: fundraising. Before the pageant begins, contestants raise money for PALS online, but 24 | 11.11.15

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that’s not where it ends. Contestants have more chances during the pageant to raise money as tips and increase their chances of winning. During the swimsuit portion, buckets are placed on stage to help drive more donations for your contestant of choice. If it looks like a contestant has not managed to raise much money before the pageant begins, it does not mean they are disqualfied. David Lile, last year’s winner, went into the pageant without a substantial amount of prior donations. That changed when the competition started. “The vast majority of the money I raised was during the pageant, which was one of the things that helped me to win,” Lile says. “Last year at the pageant, we all raised $20,000, double the amount we raised from the first pageant.” This year, organizers hope to beat their goal in order to benefit the worthy PALS cause. Started in 1990 by two veterinarians in Atlanta, PALS was originally designed to help people with AIDS with pet food, supplies and vet care. Since then, PALS extended its base to also help the disabled and the elderly take care of their pets. Today, they provide assistance to over 400 pets a month, providing free food as well as basic veterinarian care like heartworm and flea preventatives. PALS Manly Miss America takes place Saturday, November 14 at Jungle Atlanta. Jaye Lish and Edie Cheezburger host, and Bubba D. Licious serves as one of the judges. Tickets are $15 in advance and $20 at the door. Visit palsatlanta.org.

26 | 11.11.15

community

Mo Circus comes to town

by Dustin Shrader

COME ONE, COME ALL. CHI CHI LARUE BRINGS TOGETHER LUMINARIES FROM THE REALMS OF GAY PORN, DRAG, COMEDY, DJ BEATS AND MORE FOR A PARTY THAT’S THREE RINGS OF FUN TO BENEFIT ATLANTA’S MOVEMBER MOVEMENT.

hi Chi LaRue’s “Mo Circus of Stars” is coming next week, and you better be ready. It benefits the global phenomenon of Movember, which raises funds to fight prostate and testicular cancer, and it’s going to be epic. Gleaming and glittering with treats for the twinks, the jocks, the bears and the daddies, David Atlanta is pulling out all the stops with our cohosts, Just Toby, Mo Team ATL and Russ Youngblood. The list of Mo Circus’ titular “stars” starts with legendary porn maven Chi Chi LaRue and her boy Boomer Banks in attendance. Ring Master Brent Star and emcee Angelica D’Page are also on tap, as are Wild Cherry Sucret, the Atlanta Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and DJ Marc J Cubs. 28 | 11.11.15

They’re all pounding the big top at Heretic DJ style is a little different. I don’t play for a cause every gay man can appreciate. circuit music. I call myself a drag queen jukebox. I got it all, honey, from the oldBut is it in the name? ies to today’s current hits. We are going “When I first heard of Movember, I to rock out in this circus tent.” thought it was something gay, like in how you refer to gay guys as ‘mo,’ but once I No stranger to personal health strugfound out what it was for I cannot be more gles, Chi Chi is currently over 120 days thrilled to take part,” ChiChi LaRue says. sober and is inspired by the Movember Once she found out what it was all about Movement, she says. and who it was with, lending her talents and connections to the event was a no “I have no intention of breaking my sobriety streak,” she assures us. “You can brainer for LaRue. never promise anything because you don’t “I love Atlanta,” she tells us. “Atlanta has know what life will throw at you. I am been great to me, and to come back togeth- on a committed journey to staying sober er with my friends at David and Just Toby and living a fun, healthy and sexy life. We to support this worthy cause we should all aren’t promised tomorrow, and this is why be more aware of is immensely fulfilling.” I am ready to come to Atlanta and give back for a good cause.” Feel the magic up close and dance to your hearts content as the boys are shaking, There you have it, fans of circuses and the beats are thumping, and the booze is ‘mos. With stimulating attractions, a flowing during this DJ-driven dance party. few fierce clowns and a charitable atmoIn addition to local DJ and David Music sphere, Mo Circus of Stars is shaping up columnist Marc J Cubs, Chi Chi herself to leave a thirsty crowd spellbound. Don’t promises to keep the dance beats spin- miss out on your chance to be part of the ning, cranking out classic and contempo- movement and have a good ol’ time in the rary hits that every dancing queen has on process. his playlist. Chi Chi LaRue’s “Mo Circus of Stars” “I’ve only DJ’d once before at the Heretic, hits the big top on Friday Nov. 20 at and it was phenomenal,” LaRue says. “My Heretic, 10 p.m.

davidatlanta.com | 29

OUR PAST OUR PRESENT THE FUTURE

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Halloween Eve at Heretic

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Monday

Friday

10TH & PIEDMONT Half Price Wine Bottles BLAKE’S Trivia at 10pm. $250 Cash/Prizes • LGBT Kickball Host Bar 7pm-? BURKHART’S Blue Monday Karaoke with Darlene at 10PM EAGLE Music Videos with Scotty FELIX’S Free Pool All Day FRIENDS Texas Hold’em 8 pm HIDEAWAY Industry Night 1/2 Off Well, Domestic, & Wine JUNGLE Stars of the Century Show 11:30pm MODEL T Monday Night Madness 8pm MY SISTER’S ROOM Industry Night OSCAR’S Service Industry Night with Eric SWINGING RICHARDS Hip-Hop Night, Sponsored by Hennessy 8:30pm

10TH & PIEDMONT Half Price Happy Hour Menu 5-7pm, Last Friday Swank by Bellisima BLAKE’S TGIF with Doug & Lateasha 3-9pm • “Deadly Vixens” Drag Show 11pm • Bill Berdeaux Spins Street Level • Mike Pope Spins Upstairs BURKHART’S FEMME FATALE with Destiny Brooks and Justice Taylor at 11PM CLUB RUSH “Got Leche” Free entry until 11pm 18 & up - Open until 4am EAGLE DJ Dance Party FELIX’S Pour It On Me Rock Party w/DJ Darlene and our Sexy Shot Bois- 10pm FRIENDS Happy Time Friday Kelly & Ken 6 pm G’S Friday Night Dance Party with DJ Ryan Baker 10PM HERETIC PUMP featuring Atlanta’s hottest deejays - Occasional special events. No cover b4 11 HIDEAWAY $5 Smirnoff drinks & Martinis DJ Marc J. Cubs @10pm in back room JUNGLE The Other Show with Edie Cheezburger 9:30pm LIPS ATLANTA Glitz & Glamour Las Vegas Style MODEL T Texas Hold’em Poker 9pm MY SISTER’S ROOM Dance Party upstairs featuring Drag, DJs & Hosts OSCAR’S Music Video Night SWINGING RICHARDS T-Shirt Review,$10 TEN ATLANTA Music & Videos by DJ Daryl Cox 10pm

Tuesday 10TH & PIEDMONT Shareable Tuesdays: 3 - course dinner for 2 for $25 BLAKE’S Latin Night with Guest DJ’s • 1/2 Priced Menu ‘til Midnight BURKHART’S DRAG-EOKE with Angelica D’Paige at 10PM CLUB RUSH “Tipsy Tuesday” 18 & up - Open until 4am FELIX’S Karaoke with Darlene - 10pm HIDEAWAY Game night: Poker and blackjack 7:30 Trivia with Jason Walker 8:30 LAS MARGARITAS Cuban Night - $12.95 All You Can Eat Cuban Buffet & $5 Mojitos MODEL T Texas Hold’em Poker 7pm MY SISTER’S ROOM Industry Night OSCAR’S Show Tune Tuesday with Chad- 8 pm SWINGING RICHARDS 1/2 Price cover

Saturday

BLAKE’S Party Pop wth Doug 3-9pm. “Voyeur Wednesday” Go-go guys, 10 p.m. BURKHART’S HUMPDAY KARAOKE with Darlene at 10PM FELIX’S Wild Out Wednesday w/Nicole Paige Brooks, Mychelle LaCroix DuPree & Mo’Dest Volgare - 11pm FRIENDS Hump Night with Regina Simms HERETIC WarpZone Video Game Night 7pm - Pig Dance Black Out Party DJ Stan Jackson 10pm-3am NO COVER HIDEAWAY Beauty and the beat! Ruby Redd Charity Bingo @8:30 free to play. karaoke W/ Tyler @ 11:00 $ 3.00 well drinks all day long JUNGLE Drag Wars - doors open at 9 and show starts at 10 - $250 Cash Prize based on audience applause LIPS ATLANTA Bitchy Bingo MODEL T Wonderful Wednesdays 7pm

10TH & PIEDMONT Bottomless Mimosa Brunch BLAKE’S #TheBritandTheTit 1-9pm • “Glitter Bomb” w Edie Cheezburger, Shavonna Brooks • Guest DJs Upstairs 10pm-close. BURKHART’S SYNERGY with Shawnna Brooks and Monica Van Pelt at 11PM CAMPAGNOLO Legendary Musician Robert Ray on the piano 10pm-1am EAGLE DJ Dance Party FELIX’S Superstar Karaoke w/Diva Darlene and our Sexy Shot Bois - 10pm FRIENDS Free Pool with Bryan 2-6 pm; Let’s Make A Deal with Ken 6-10 pm HERETIC Varies. EARLY COUNTRY (8pm-12:30am) & LATE NIGHT DANCE with Billboard DJ MIKE POPE @12:30-close. No cover except special events. HIDEAWAY $2.50 All Well Drinks JUNGLE Fantasy Girls 9pm; Club Night, Various Guest DJ’s LIPS ATLANTA Glitz & Glamour Las Vegas Style MODEL T Texas Hold’em Poker 3pm MY SISTER’S ROOM Brunch 11:30am-4pm - Dance Party upstairs featuring Drag, DJs & Hosts OSCAR’S DJ Christopher Kind SWINGING RICHARDS T-Shirt Review $10 TEN ATLANTA Music & Videos by DJ Rob Reum 10pm

Thursday

Sunday

MY SISTER’S ROOM Karaoke BLAKE’S Texas Hold em Poker 7pm “I - Candy” Street level with Shawnna Brooks 11pm BURKHART’S DANCEFLOOR DIVAS with Phoenix (RuPaul’s Drag Race s3) at 11:30PM EAGLE Balls Deep Karaoke w/ Mikey FACES LOUNGE The All Star Cabaret Drag Show & Karaoke FELIX’S Killer King Karaoke w/Tyler King - 10pm FRIENDS Texas Hold’em 8pm; Ladies Night 10 pm G’S Game Night with Brent Star 9PM HERETIC 3 Legged Cowboy Night 9pm Free dance lessons 8-9pm. No cover. HIDEAWAY Hot Mic’ Comedy w/ Ian Aber at 10pm followed by Karaoke at 11:30. Draft Beer Special LAS MARGARITAS Dirty South Trivia $5 Smirnoff & Cuervo Drinks. House Cash Prizes & $5 Wings LIPS ATLANTA Dinner with the Divas MODEL T Pre-Weekend Party! 7pm MY SISTER’S ROOM College Night - King of Thrones Drag Show OSCAR’S Twisted Thursday with Eric SWINGING RICHARDS 2-4-1 VIP & Entry

10TH & PIEDMONT Bellini Brunch | Flashback Showgirls with Angelica D’Paige BLAKE’S Open at 1pm - Bloody Mary’s with Robin. Texas Hold em Poker Upstairs 2pm. High Energy with DJs Will Bryan & Bill Berdeaux. “Cellblock Sunday” with Lateasha 8pm BURKHART’S Tossed Salad hosted by Brigitte Bidet - Music & Drinks 8pm - Showtime 9pm CLUB RUSH Hip Hop and R&B - 18 & up - Open until 4am FELIX’S Bloody Mary & Mimosa’s All Day FRIENDS DJ hosts Sunday Delights 2 pm-closing HIDEAWAY $3.50 wells the Armorettes @8:00 LIPS ATLANTA Gospel Brunch w/ Bubba D. Licious LAS MARGARITAS Papi’s $17.95 Unlimited Brunch & Choice of Mimosas, Sangrias, Bloody Maria’s, & Mojitos MODEL T Karaoke for a Cause 8pm MY SISTER’S ROOM Brunch 11:30am-4pm - T Dance Party featuring $3 Mimosas & $5 Bloody Marys TEN ATLANTA Brunch 11am & music by DJ Rob Reum inside and DJ Robert Ansley on the patio 4pm

Wednesday

54 | 11.11.15

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advice

Dear Dom,

Every Single Question... Every Single Answer Dear Dom,

would later be the inspiration for the soul-sucking Dementors of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.) Just two years later, Harry Potter was imagined. Very Good Lives, her latest book released this spring, is a quirkily illustrated transcript of the 2008 commencement address she delivered to the graduating class of Harvard University. In the speech, she tries not to inadvertently influence the students at “the world’s largest Gryffindor reunion” to “abandon promising careers in business, the law, or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.” Rowling’s address considers the fringe benefits of failure and the importance of imagination. “So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life,” she says. “The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive.” Regarding the magic of imagination, Rowling recalls the words of Greek author Plutarch: “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” She also conjures a few words of her own. “We do not need magic to transform our world; we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.”

Dear Dom, My sex-crazed buddies tell me that gay bathhouses are the bomb. A night of anonymous sex sounds kind I love big, dangling nuts. Teabagging a guy whose of fun, but I’m a little worried about what I should balls are swinging low makes me wild. I want to bring with me. Dom, what do you take to a bathhouse? stretch my nuts too...right down to my knees. Got any advice to help me out? Loading Up My Pack Obtaining Ridiculous Ball Stretch Dear LUMP, Dear ORBS, Relax. You’ll have a great time at the baths. What essentials do I bring? Just two words: Flip Flops! It’s not your nuts that need lengthening; that would really hurt. It’s scrotal stretching you’re after. Dear Dom, Your junk is going to need plenty of preparatory TLC. Keep your I feel like such a loser. Just got fired for the third time sack shaved and well lotioned. As for the stretch, you have three this year. Can’t find a decent job. Even had to live in my basic options, each with its own pros and cons. car for awhile. Everything seems so shitty right now. How can I get my life together? • Leather Stretchers: Available at most sex stores. Easy on & off. May cause skin irritation. Failing All Life Lessons • Steel Rings: Cheap in hardware stores. Add more for greater stretch. Difficult on and off. Dear FALL, • Split Steel Weights: Most effective of all. Expensive. Tool required for on and off. The view from rock bottom ain’t pretty. But remember, there’s no place to go but up if you are just willing to imagine. Few other people know the stark distinction between failure and success better than author J.K. Rowling. Today at age 50, she is the celebrated creator of Harry Potter with over 450-million copies of her books in print, the best-selling author in history. Yet, she considered herself an abject failure at 28-years old. Her marriage had failed, was a jobless single parent, and had been diagnosed with depression. She even considered suicide. (This 56 | 11.11.15

Dom

Advice columnist Dominic has been there and done that with most everything. He gives a new low to all levels of depravity. He’s heard every question and every answer. Give him a try, email DearDom@davidatlanta.com. Warning: Advice given in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty purposes. Please proceed at your own risk.

fairyscopes

58 | 11.11.15

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ARIES (Mar. 20 – Apr. 19): You won’t be the people person you usually are today. That’s okay, because everyone needs a little alone time for self-introspection. Go on a stroll, watch the clouds in the sky, try not to speak to anyone at all. Spend time with your thoughts and recharge.

LIBRA (Sep. 23 – Oct. 22): Your acquisitive nature may get you into trouble today. Your quest for gossip may teach you a hard lesson about prying into other people’s affairs. Don’t go sticking your nose into other people’s business unless you want it smashed in by a fist or other blunt object.

TAURUS (Apr. 20 – May 20): Be sensitive to the needs of your partner or boyfriend today, but don’t put your own on a back burner. Relationships are a two-way street, and it’s easy to give without getting much in return. But the dance can be sweet if the two of you tango together.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): You’ll go through periods of high energy today that’ll be counteracted by moments of extreme laziness. This yin/yang thing will go on all day, and people won’t know which one is the dynamic you, or the one that can barely muster the strength to get up to go to the bathroom.

GEMINI (May 21- Jun. 20): Do something healthy for yourself today. Go for a long hike or bike ride, eat fresh foods or just lie in the sun and breathe some fresh air. Get some friends together to go along, and you can all get healthy together.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 20): Share your dreams with others today. Not the hopes and wishes you have for your life, but the dreams that pop up in your sleep. Even the biggest of Fellini fans won’t know what to make of them, and hopefully they’ll give you the number of a good therapist.

CANCER (Jun. 21- Jul. 22): You may have a hard time dealing with your emotions today. In turn, people may have a hard time dealing with you. Try not to give in to your dark sides. Put on a fake face and be all smiles. You may be a seething cauldron of emotions, but don’t throw others in there with you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 21 – Jan. 19): You may find yourself detached from your friends today. You may like it that way. They bring happiness and joy to your life, but sometimes they can get on your nerves. Don’t feel guilty if you ignore them today. Just make sure they’re not in the same room. That’s just rude.

LEO (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22): Today may be a nice one to spend with your family. Be the good son and plan a special dinner for them. Whether you treat them to a nice restaurant or cook something at home is up to you. But they will appreciate your heartfelt attempts to love and nurture them.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): You may have deep feelings for a guy who barely takes notice of you. Pining for him from afar won’t get you anywhere and you’ll eventually have to approach him. The worst he can do is say ‘no’. Of course, that’ll be devastating to you, and you’ll retreat straight back into therapy.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sep. 22): You hate when people throw their opinions in your face, especially when they differ from yours. Your stubborn refusal to listen to other points of view will eventually be your downfall. And then the others will laugh and laugh.

PISCES (Feb. 19 – Mar. 19): You may find yourself out of your element today in a place where people aren’t very nice. They will claw and bite and try to tear you down at every opportunity. Don’t you just hate dinner with the family?

Bitch

S E S S I O N “I made my profile picture purple because I’m against bullying.” Who is for bullying? And what good did it do? Your national gay dollars at work, folks.

No matter how hot he is, someone somewhere is sick of his shit.

Not sure what look you were shooting for, but you missed.

How much money you make is not the issue. If you ask someone to dinner, you pay. Get some class, girl.

You bitches are “should”ing me to death. Go do you and let me do me.

60 | 11.11.15

SEND US YOUR BITCHES! Text 404.969.BTCH, tweet @BitchSessionATL or email bitch@davidatlanta.com *This page reflects the bitchiness of the community not David Atlanta or its publisher (although we’re bitchy too!)

Keep running your mouth. The whole world knows the truth, so continuing to say otherwise just shines your Douchebag of the Year medal.

The last thing I am is a victim. That’s all you, you live for it. But the last thing I’ll let you do is pretend you were the perfect boyfriend.

You can’t afford the car you drive. You can’t afford the condo you live in. But your financial problems were my fault? Check again.

Oh, you’ve had work done? I just thought it was the result of too much inbreeding in South Georgia.

I was gonna be you for Halloween, but I couldn’t fit seven dicks into my mouth.

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