March 9, 2011
Issue 634
Jessica and Hunter: AMAZEBALLS!
20 YEARS / 200,000 MILE TRANSFERABLE WARRANTY GOOD AT ANY HYUNDAI DEALERSHIP IN AMERICA 2011 ACCENT Stock # YBU186586 $12,988*
DULUTH
3190 SATELLITE BLVD GWINNETT PLACE AUTOMALL
Model # 45413
2011 ELANTRA $15,988* 40 MPG!
2011 SONATA Stock # YBH117887 $18,988*
2011 TUSCON Stock # YBU151149 $18,988*
Stock # YBU138734
Stock # YBG033206
2011 GENESIS $29,988*
2011 SANTA FE $20,988*
THE NEW BENCHMARK IN LUXURY AND PERFORMANCE, THE ALL NEW, AWARD WINNING 2011 $1,000 OFF WITH THIS AD
2 davidatlanta
harley SAys: My Dad will beat any competitor’s advertised price on a new Hyundai. GUARANTEED!
Steve Hall Senior Sales Consultant
770.403.9533
SHALL123@bellsouth.net
*sale prices before tax, dealer fee, tag and title **$2,399 down, 12,000 miles/year, tax and tag ***cars must be in stock
3 davidatlanta
davidatlanta
david atlanta magazine
1874 Piedmont Avenue 390-C Atlanta, GA 30324 Mon-Fri 9:30am-5:00pm Phone: 404.418.8901 Fax: 404.418.8901 ext. 7 www.davidatlanta.com mail@davidatlanta.com
publisher
Matt Neumann matt@davidatlanta.com
associate editor
Katie Stover stover@davidatlanta.com
graphic design
Matt Neumann Travis Barrón Tyler McEntyre Katie Stover
photography
Brian Sawyer Jeff Jackson Les Bouska
26 March 9, 2011
14
36
14 brent star 26 amazeballs! 36 vagitarian 62 atlanta a-z
seen@ 12 16 38 64 68 guides
52 horoscopes 54 bartab nightlife guides 56 directory 74 adult classifieds 78 bitchsession
Matt Neumann Jesse Hancock
contributors
Katie Stover Luis Chiruco Zane Harris
David Muller Jesse Hancock
cover
Matt Neumann
classifieds
Luka Simone
office manager Carson Abele
operations & finance
Brian Sawyer brian@davidatlanta.com
sales & account management Steve Tyrrell sales@davidatlanta.com
marketing & promotions
62
Chip O’Kelley chip@davidatlanta.com Torren Moore torren@davidatlanta.com
national ad rep
Rivendell Media 908.232.2021
76
Add us on facebook!
Opinions expressed by any writer appearing in this publication are not necessarily those of the staff, management, advertisers, organizations or persons appearing in this magazine. No Part of this publication may be reproduced by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopy recording or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. The mention, appearance or likeness of any person, business, organization, or event in this publication is in no way to be taken as any identification of the sexual, social or political orientation of such persons, businesses, events organizations, staff, shareholders or owners of such. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, errors or changes in information, events and schedules in ads, features or calendars. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE reserves the right to reject or cancel any advertisement submitted. All copy, text, graphics, photo’s and illustrations in submitted ads are published with the understanding that the person and business’ submitting such are fully authorized and have secured proper consent for the use of images, graphics, pictures, names, logos and testimonials used in such ads and that DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE may lawfully publish the same. By submitting such materials, the advertiser agrees to indemnify and hold blameless DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE from any liability resulting from the publication of any such materials or images.
not ready for plastic surgery? trust the ageless center
for all our services, visit
the agelesscenter.com
Botox Cosmetic
®
minimizes forehead-furrows between eyes and crow’s-feet next to eyes
same day service
$200 ( 25 units )
Radiesse $395 minimizes lines from nose to mouth
Latisse $ 95 FDA-approved for growing longer,
and adds fullness to cheeks
fuller and darker eyelashes
Perlane $395 treats lines from mouth to chin
Juvéderm improves appearance
Fotofacial $195 treats sun and age spots, rosacea,
Restylane
®
®
™
facial veins, enlarged pores
™
™
$395
under eyes and lips
®
$395
adds a fuller sensual look to lips
board certified physicians
5 davidatlanta since 1993 · Weekdays, Evenings, Saturdays · 2770 Lenox Road, Atlanta · 404.233.5255
THINK MARDI GRAS. But A Bit Wilder.
Be surrounded with great food, music and fun with nonstop entertainment and an authentic New Orleans vibe at Harrah’s New Orleans. Located in the heart of downtown, get access to all the action, on and off the casino floor. The fun times keep on rolling, only at Harrah’s New Orleans.
SCHEDULE IN SOME WILD FUN: Gay Mardi Gras March 4 – 8
Easter Parade April 24
Southern Decadence August 31 – September 5
Essence Festival July 1 – 4 Halloween October 31
Entertainment schedule subject to change without prior notice. Must be 21 or older to enter casino and to gamble. Know When To Stop Before You Start.® ©2011, Caesars License Company, LLC.
Primar y C are & HIV Ph ys ici a n Se r vi ce s 15 ye ars of ex ce lle nce Pro udly servin g the LGBT Q co mm uni ty
Pride Medical provides state-of-the-art comprehensive quality medical care in a multidisciplinary environment. Also: n
Free anonymous HIV testing;
n
Mental health counseling;
n
On-site infusion therapy;
n
Massage therapy;
n
Affiliated podiatry services; and
n
An in-house retail pharmacy open to the public.
Pride Medical, Inc. and the Pride Medical Pharmacy participate
with many insurance carriers. Let us help you determine how we can work with you. Questions? Need an appointment? 404-355-3788 | www.PrideMedical.com 3280 Howell Mill Road | Suite 326 | Atlanta, GA 30327
8 davidatlanta
9 davidatlanta
10 davidatlanta
11 davidatlanta
12 davidatlanta
13 davidatlanta
The Brent Star Report roadtrip a new reality show based out of atlanta
I
’m very grateful for the beautiful weather we’ve been basking in lately. One of my favorite things to do in Atlanta is brunch on the weekends---like here at Las Margaritas. I’m enjoying their savory all-you-can-eat buffet while trying to speak Spanish to the Latino guy preparing my waffle who’s laughing at me before revealing he doesn’t know any Spanish, but good efforts on my part he says. Later, I recognized the handsome brother at the bar wearing a sunny smile. It’s Tebias Perry (not related to Tyler Perry). Tebias is a member and activist for the LGBT community for several years here in Atlanta, including work with AID Atlanta and Lambda Legal Defense. I remember last year when he was only ‘thinking’ about doing a reality show, and today I find out that the show is very close to becoming a reality itself! It’s call ROADTRIP. While I enjoy destroying my over sized waffle and sipping on my margarita, I decided to get the scoop. Brent: So what in the hell is ROADTRIP about?
Tebias: First of all, thank you Brent for this great opportunity. Now think MTV’s “Real World” meets “Amazing Race” with “Jerry Springer” drama and you get “Roadtrip”. It’s a reality-based series where 8 diverse members within the lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-sexual, transgender and ‘questioning’ LGBT community will travel between Atlanta to San Francisco on a huge tour bus to work together to inspire equal rights and tolerance. Brent: I want to go. When are you holding auditions and what exactly are you looking for?....wait, can I just fly and meet yall there? Tebias: Silly. Auditions will be held later this year. I’m looking for the cream of the crop. I want the tranniest drag queen I could get, the most straight acting gay guy, the most thuggish black guy, the hardest lesbian…etc. Basically we’re looking to fill 8 spots of the most recognized different cultures of our community. A show like this is needed because a lot of ppl don’t know anything about our community. They think we’re all alike. Brent: Child, there are some ppl who think me and Princess Charles are alike! That’s killing. But yea, we DO need a show like that! Tebias: You so crazy. We want to stop at not only those major cities but some of those smaller cities who have never even seen a drag queen before. Brent: When are you planning on releasing this?
Tebias: Well, the pilot and trailer are already done. Currently, we have a couple of networks that are looking at this project…we’re hoping to get the green light for it this year or early 2012. 14 davidatlanta
Brent: So far, I can’t wait to see this! Tell us more about what all will happen during this roadtrip? Will there be any eye candy? Tebias: Of course we’ll have a few hotties on the show and don’t be surprised if the lure of seduction will create some scandal. What we plan to do is of course contact the designated cities ahead of time to get a feel of what it is that particular city’s need which will be the basis of the assignment for the cast to fulfill (i.e. a research team established, or a shelter created for young teens to go…etc). . Brent: How will you choose your cast?
Tebias: We will have a panel of judges. We will have a psycho therapist, myself, relationship counselor, and an invited guest from that perspective community to judge the actual mission. At the very end of the trip in San Francisco, the audience would judge who will win road trip. Brent: Who will win what?
Tebias: I can’t give away the exact amount until we’re signed on, however it will be somewhere up there in the 5 digits plus other prizes. Brent: This sounds like a fun show because to have 8 ppl on a tour bus where they sleep and shower and see each other every day would STRESS ME OUT! Tebias: Well, another interesting factor is you have to keep in mind Brent, that at the end of the day, you’ll find that we’re pretty much all the same. At some point of the trip, someone’s character (if not all) will be truly tested to see if they really are who they say they are.
Well Mr. Perry, I can’t wait for a network to pick this show up. It’s a very positive road trip that we all need to see. Move over Oprah and Gail, . , here comes the real roadtrip’! Until next week, don’t read the girls, instead read The Brent Star Report!
OOPS MY BAD!!!--->Two week ago, in my article interviewing Lena Lust, I said Charlie Brown was Ms. Atlanta ‘76. It should have been Ms. Georgia ‘80. Vicki Lawrence was ‘76. Sorry ‘bout that!
Where to catch Brent Star: Mondays at Einsteins (with RuPaul’s contestants Nicole Paige Brooks of season 2 and Mariah Paris Balenciaga of season 3), Saturdays at Tijuana Garage Thursdays and Sundays once a month at Burkharts and everywhere else that pays! www.facebook.com/Mr.BrentStar
davidatlanta 15
16 davidatlanta
17 davidatlanta
davidatlanta 19
20 davidatlanta
21 davidatlanta
davidatlanta 21
22 davidatlanta
23 davidatlanta
24 davidatlanta
25 davidatlanta
26 davidatlanta
Pop Culture Party Crashers If you’ve never heard of actors Beth Crosby and JC Gardiner, you will. You might already know of them but not realize it. And you might already luuuurve them! They are the comedic team and alter egos of You Tube mega-stars Jessica and Hunter, and they are amazeballs. They are totes taking America by storm with their fierce fashion, crazy one-liners, celebrity gossip and hilarious banter.
Crosby and Gardiner met about four years ago while they were studying at The Groundlings, a comedy school in L.A. that has churned out numerous famous stars such as Lisa Kudrow, the late Phil Hartman and Kathy Griffin.
“There are all these amazing comedians who came out of The Groundlings, so naturally Beth and I were enamored with all of them and got drawn into it,” said Gardiner, aka Hunter. “That’s where we met, and the rest is hilarious history.” Jessica and Hunter mania is here. Their videos on YouTube get thousands of views daily. They’ve interviewed stars on the red carpet at the premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race and hobnobbed with celebs everywhere from clubs in L.A. to New York Fashion Week. David Magazine is proud to have them on our cover. Don’t be jellbots 2024!
“This is the first time we’ve been on a magazine cover,” said Gardiner. “We’re cover girls, and you’re totally popping our cover cherries.”
David Magazine: Are you both from Los Angeles?
Beth: I grew up in Orange County, California, behind the ‘Orange Curtain,’ and I went to school on the East Coast at Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh. Then I lived in New York for bit before I moved out to L.A. to pursue comedy. JC: I grew up in a very insulated little community called Bellevue, Washington, which is very much like the Orange Curtain where Beth is from. As soon as I graduated high school I ran to New York and went to school and lived there for ten years. Then I moved to L.A., where I live now.
David Magazine: Beth, I saw your resume on imdb. com that you’ve been in quite a few TV shows. Are you both full time actors? Beth: Oh God. Yes, I’m an actress. For the past few years, I’ve mainly made my bread and butter doing commercials. Last year I did a good chunk of TV work, which I was really excited about. That’s kind of what I’m doing full time now. When you are an actor, between gigs, you can get unemployment, which is great. Prior to being an actor, I’ve had a million shit jobs, too, everything from waiting tables to catering to working in a pajama factory.
JC: I do freelance work for Juicy Couture. I help design display windows in stores. Then I just work on acting and writing. That’s been my focus for the past few years since the boom with Jessica and Hunter. I do my share of shit jobs in between as well. They’re a necessary evil, those shit jobs. David Magazine: Yes, they are. My worst was working for a shipping company. I had to be in the back of a smelly truck heaving boxes at 4:00
By Jesse A. Hancock
a.m. I think I was banned from ever working there when I quit.
Beth: Ugh, what a nightmare. I think you win with the shit jobs competition.
JC: My worst shit job was when I ran the stock room for a store that was run by old ladies who had me do all the cleaning because they were too old to do anything.
David Magazine: At least you weren’t the shipping manager at Best Buy! Beth: Ew, gross! Well I’ve been shit on by a 4-yearold with diarrhea, so I think I win after all. I was a nanny. The girl ripped off her bathing suit and ran down the beach. Oh, and she was French and didn’t understand anything I was saying. David Magazine: How were Jessica and Hunter created?
JC: Beth and I are friends outside writing, and we were out one evening at a local gay bar and were fascinated by all the colorful personalities there. We got very inspired to spear some version of these people as characters. We were performing at the time every Sunday at The Groundlings stage and came up with these characters. They just made us laugh so hard. When we put them together and presented them, people loved them. Usually when you run a sketch at The Groundlings it may run one or two weeks, but they kept bringing us back week after week for such a long run. People just loved how weird and quirky these characters were. Beth: We did our skits at The Sunday Company, which is like the junior version of The Groundlings. We had to do a new show every week. It was a full time unpaid job, and we were constantly writing. It was like comedy boot camp. I like to refer to it as ‘comedy grad school.’ I learned so much but almost broke up with my boyfriend. It’s a nightmare in a way to be in it because it’s so time consuming. Those were two characters that just popped. It was fun from the beginning, especially finding the costumes. When JC first showed up all tan and disgusting, we laughed so hard. Then we put the characters away for a while. Not long after that I ended up doing my own ‘best of’ show at the Comedy Central stage and decided I had to do those characters with JC. We also had to do videos for that show. We thought, what if we just took Jessica and Hunter and went out and talked to people on the street? So we tried that, and Jessica and Hunter are what people liked the most out of the whole show. Then we put the videos online and really never thought anything would come of it, but we started getting a lot of attention online and thought about what else we could do with them and how much farther we could take them. It just kind of snowballed from there. JC: They made us laugh, but I know Beth and I have such a dark and twisted sense of humor. I remember the first night we did the sketch. I bet everything we would only get to do it once. We were so surprised at the way these characters have been embraced. It has been such a fun and amazing ride.
davidatlanta 27
“I think people get that we are kind of parodying America’s obsession with media . . . We’re really making fun of people who are obsessed with TMZ and Entertainment Tonight and trashy magazines.” David Magazine: Do you get suggestions from fans for what to have Jessica and Hunter do? JC: Oh my God, yes!
Beth: We do. I love the suggestions we get. We have a list when we are writing of the things we want them to do, but the funniest are when I get suggestions from my mom. She comes up with these words that are horrible and I would never use. She also sends me earrings in the mail that Jessica could wear. It’s sweet, but . . . yea. David Magazine: What do your family and friends think of the success of Jessica and Hunter?
JC: My family is supportive, although they don’t understand. My mom always kind of shakes her head and says, ‘I just don’t understand why you have to use the f-word.’ My dad watches it and is supportive of what I’m doing creatively, but he just looks at it like he’s watching some Chinese daytime drama. It does not compute. My sister is a huge fan. She’s a makeup artist and has done our makeup a few times. She lives in San Francisco.
Beth: My mom loves it. She always says, ‘They’re so outrageous.’ My mom is 71, so the fact that she even watches a video online is miraculous. Both of my parents are supportive, but my dad has no clue that I do this. He just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t even know who Bill Cosby is. When I did the Jonas Brothers’ TV show last year, he had no idea what I did. He’s a lawyer. I think if he were to watch us, to him it would be like I was doing porn or something. My friends are super supportive. My boyfriend, Mark, is supportive, but he is the straightest meat-and-potatoes guy from Detroit. He’s basically dating a gay man. He has seen things that he never thought he would see in his lifetime. He’s been our cameraman and director a few times, which was so funny. He came to the premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race with us, and it was like a crash course in the drag world for him.
JC: The look on his face was priceless. Sometimes we get jaded and get into all these social circles with all these fabulous, amazing people and get really excited by it, but to see someone like Mark exposed to it is hilarious. 28 davidatlanta
David Magazine: We have a lot of great drag performers here in Atlanta. JC: We met some of them. They are fabulous.
Beth: Once you get used to it, you’re fine, but it’s a lot to take in. David Magazine: Do you get recognized a lot in public as Jessica and Hunter?
JC: Oh my God, Jesse, you are so funny. If you actually saw us in our regular day-to-day outfits, we are like polar opposites of Jessica and Hunter. I constantly get cast for commercials as a frat guy in a beer ad or young dad. I get recognized more when I’m with Beth. There’s something in the way we connect. It sparks a little bit of Jessica and Hunter inside us, and it’s so amazing when people come up to us. I’m shocked that they can see through all the crazy makeup and costumes. They get it and love our crazy, dark humor.
Beth: I look like a soccer mom. I play a young mom a lot, well not so young anymore, but like a boring Midwest mom. Last year I did an episode of a show called Greek, and the main girl on it is a huge Jessica and Hunter fan. I just had a small part in it. She came up to me one day, and we connected. Now we’re friends on Facebook. The same thing happened to me on with the Jonas Brothers’ TV show. I was playing their aunt. We shot about five episodes, and they were nice, but they never said anything about seeing me online or anything. One day they came running up to me and were like, ‘Oh my God, we know where we know you from. You’re Jessica!’ First of all, I wanted to keep it on the down low because Jessica and Hunter are sort of anti-Disney. I thought I’d get fired if they found out, and I needed the money. It turns out they are huge fans, and they started going around quoting Jessica and Hunter the whole day on set. I was blown away by it. It’s so exciting. We also met Adam Lambert, and he’s a fan of our videos. It’s weird that some people I idolize now know who we are. David Magazine: Have any celebs ever gotten angry because you made fun of them, and are there any topics you won’t include in your videos?
JC: I kind of feel like everything is free to attack. We have been very lucky since we have hit pretty hard on some personalities in the media, but I think people get that we are kind of parodying America’s obsession with media. Like Beth said, Adam Lambert reached out to us and said he was a huge fan. Perez Hilton has reached out to us. These are people who we have struck at hard but always in jest and always from a place of love. I think they get that we are really making fun of people who are obsessed with TMZ and Entertainment Tonight and trashy magazines. They get that we are poking fun at ourselves and how moronic we are. Beth: I think Jessica and Hunter are the assholes always. Even when they are making fun of Perez Hilton, they are doing it because they want to be on his website and meet him. Our goal is to make Jessica and Hunter look like the assholes because they just are, but they are lovable assholes. David Magazine: What else would you like to do with Jessica and Hunter? Is there going to be a movie? JC: That would be a dream! Right now we’re working on a stage show that we want to travel with. We’re work-shopping it to see how it would
do. Our goal is to take it to London. We’re also in discussions for a TV show, just trying to make the right combinations. A movie would be incredible! I hope people would watch it.
Beth: We would die. To do a half hour show, like Absolutely Fabulous would be a dream. I’m a huge fan of Ab Fab and Jennifer Saunders. To get paid to do this? We get paid, but to have unlimited costume budget and support would be great. We come up with these ideas for sketches, but we’re like, ‘How are we going to shoot at Starbucks or at this or that club?’ We produce our own videos right now, but we’d love to have someone else pay for our shooting. David Magazine: How do you come up with Jessica and Hunter language? It’s totes funny and brilliant.
JC: I don’t know where it comes from sometimes, honestly. We write scripts and then we’re like, ‘What the fuck did we just write?’ Beth: Yea, sometimes we’re like, ‘This is literally Chinese that we’re speaking right now.’
JC: We take weird combinations of words. We are acutely attentive to any of the pop culture magazines that are targeted at teens or TMZ. We get inspired by anything that pops from those sources and put a weird twist on it.
David Magazine: Sometimes you make a lot of L.A. references that we might not get here on the East Coast, but it’s still funny.
JC: We battled with that for a while. We realized a lot of what Jessica and Hunter say is so L.A. specific, and we worried that people might not understand, but we came to the conclusion that it just makes Jessica and Hunter even more insane when they are talking about things that make absolutely no fucking sense. When we travel and perform on the road, we research a little about the cities and work that into our act.
David Magazine: Last question, would you, Beth and JC, be friends with Jessica and Hunter?
Beth: Oh my God, that is an awesome question. That is like the best question anyone has ever asked us. JC: We’ve never been asked that before.
Beth: No, I don’t think I would. I think maybe I would be friends only to go out with once in a while. Jessica would be like my drinking buddy, and so would Hunter. Maybe once a month we’d hit the gay bars and talk shit about celebrities, but I would never want them to talk to me outside the bar. What about you, JC? JC: I would totally be friends with them and parade them around to all my other friends. I’d be like, ‘You have to go talk to these freaks of nature.’ I would never invite them to family dinners at Christmas or loan them my car, but I would totally be friends with them.
davidatlanta davidatlanta 29
Jessica and Hunter: By Jesse A. Hancock The Exclusive David Magazine Interview
David Magazine: What is a typical day like for you? Jessica and Hunter: We wake up, peel the Kentucky Fried Chicken napkins off our lips from the late-night binge, brush our teeth with a bottle of Ciroc, snort a packet of Starfucks Via with Splenda, and then read the paper, a.k.a. Us Weekly. Then it’s off to boot camp to lean on the treadmills and stare at hot boys, then shopping on Melrose and Robertson with a stop into Urth Café to stare at the baked goods case for lunch. Then back to shopping, napping, tanning, or plucking or bleaching, then cocktails. We go back home later, get ready and then worm our way into some celebrity-strewn party, which usually involves Jessica screaming at the bouncer and Hunter offering an HJ. David Magazine: What are some of your favorite things to do together? Jessica and Hunter: Drinking, shopping, stalking celebs and, oh yeah, drinking. David Magazine: If you had to choose, would you rather party with Lindsay Lohan or Adam Lambert and why? Jessica: Ummm, news flash, this just in. We have been at a party with BOTH of them already, and it was AMAZEBALLS 2023. Hunter: And Jessica, my friend Piss Flaps, was totally cock-blocking on Adam Lambert, so we never got to meet either of them. Jessica: Umm, whatevs, Delta Jerk. You were the one who got us kicked out cuz you puked Slimfast all over SamRo’s tables after tripping on Lohan’s new extensions. David Magazine: Who do you admire and why? Hunter: I really admire Suri Cruise because she has such an amazing sense of style as such a young age. Jessica: OMGesus, there’s so many, but right now I’m really obsessticles with that E! News
30 davidatlanta
worker-lady, Guilliana Rancic, for being such a skinny corpse. David Magazine: What attracts you to someone? Jessica and Hunter: Fame. David Magazine: If you HAD to choose, would you rather be thirty pounds fatter for a month OR be completely sober for a week? Why? Jessica: I would gain thirty pounds because I could drop that weight in a day, thanks to my supes secret diet combo of green-tea flavored Pinkberry, Ipecac and horse pills. Hunter: OMG, I think if I was totes sober for a week I would realize that I am 30 pounds overweight already. David Magazine: Who do people say you look like? Hunter: I totes get celebrity compliments, like all the time. People are constantly telling me I look like the male version of Heidi Montag or Paris Hilton or like a really tan Ellen DeGeneres. Jessica: Um, no. People always mistake Hunter for a fatter, albino Adam Lambert. But people ALWAYS say I look like a younger, skinnier Fergie. Hunter: No they don’t, Hagatha. Everyone thinks you’re the latest contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race. Jessica: I’m ALL woman! And I’m wearing a vodka-soaked, super-plus tampon to prove it. David Magazine: If you could hang out with any celeb, alive or from the past, for a day who would it be and why? Jessica and Hunter: George Washington? Ewwwww! Kidding! Borebots 2022! On a Cookie Crisp cereal note, we would totes wanna hang out with The Kardashian Sisters, cuz Kim would get us into the hautest Hollywood parties,
Khloe could be our bodyguard and Kourtney would pay the bill. David Magazine: What is your favorite adult beverage? Jessica and Hunter: Cosmojitos, Margatinis and our new fave, “The Brit-tini” (a hollowedout low-fat Cinnabon filled with bubblegumflavored vodka with a spritz of Britney Spears’s new fragrance, Radiance). David Magazine: If you could make over any celeb with your fierce fashion style, alive or from the past, who would it be and why? Jessica and Hunter: We would LURVE to make over Ke$ha. She’s way too bore-bots and subtle for our taste. She needs to experiment with her plain-Jane make-up and accessorize WAY more. David Magazine: If you could be any animal (extinct or present day) what would you be and why? Jessica and Hunter: A 2011 limited-edition calf-skin, alligator trimmed Louis Vuitton mini fringe clutch. David Magazine: If you could make out with any celeb, alive or from the past, who would you choose? Jessica and Hunter: Adam Lambert Hunter: It would be like making out with myself. Jessica: It would be fun to study his flawless make-up job up close while we’re boning. David Magazine: What do you think of Lady Gaga’s new song, “Born This Way?” Are people born gay? Hunter: Oh, probably, but I thought that song was about being born with really boney shoulders. Jessica: Duh. And I PRAY that when I have a baby boy someday he’s totes gay, cuz if he’s not I’m gonna ship him back to Africa or China or wherever I adopted him from. David Magazine: What comes to mind when you hear each of the following: Starbucks: Jessica: Trenta, quad-shot, extra-foamy, sugarfree, half-soy, hazelnut latte with 13 Equals Hunter: Sneak in your own vodka Justin Bieber: Jessica: Fetus
Hunter: Yodeling toddler Atlanta: Hunter: Opulence Jessica: Real Whoreswives of Shatlanta Glee: Hunter: Squirt Hummel Jessica: Poo Sylvester Gay marriage: Hunter: Immediately after Mario Lopez and his criminally ador-ah-blay dimples puts a ring on this finger. Jessica: Duh-zies! Vodka: Hunter: It’s mine! Jessica: Breakfast/lunch/dinner Quantum Physics: Hunter: Oh, I don’t speak Russian. Jessica: She sounds boring. Britney Spears: Jessica: My doppelganger. Hunter: Omg, that reminds me. I need to get my roots done this week. Exercise: Hunter: Necessary evil Jessica: Wearing Sketchers Shape-Ups while I power-shop at Kitson. Fashion: Jessica: Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and put one more thing on. Hunter: Everything I want to buy on Robertson Blvd. in LA. David Magazine: Where can David Magazine readers see more of you? Jessica and Hunter: Hopefully in Atlanta soon, but in the meantime www. jessicaandhunter.com and youtube.com/ JessicaandHunter is where everyone can watch our “Adventures in Whorelywood” webisodes and see our upcoming video for our new single that’s about to drop! And, obvs, become our BFFbestie and poke and tag us on Facebook at Facebook.com/ JessicaandHunterAmazeballs and tweet us at Twitter. com/JessicanHunter. davidatlanta 31
WALK-INS WELCOME 1579 Monroe Drive • Atlanta, GA 30324 • 404.876.7745 32 bubblesatlanta.com davidatlanta
Men’s Haircut $20 Women’s Haircut $30 Sunday Haircuts $15
33 davidatlanta
La Nota Rosa
A
SODOMIA DELITO?
lguien me dijo una vez que en Estados Unidos hay seres humanos en la Costa Este y la Costa Oeste. Entre ambas costas sólo hay burros.
Tal afirmación es una exageración ciertamente ofensiva y sólo en parte se aproxima a una realidad que se va diluyendo, por fortuna, a medida que las comunicaciones son más fluidas y los flujos migratorios van acortando distancias en aquellos estados tan grandes en los que a veces, a duras penas se llegaba al par de millones o incluso en algún caso, casi ni al millón de habitantes. ¿Cómo puede extenderse el progreso en tal tierra ? Se entiende entonces que metidos desde hace más de una década en el siglo XXI y con las redes sociales derrocando tiranías en el Oriente Medio, haya estados en Estados Unidos en los que hasta ayer mismo la sodomía se condenaba de acuerdo a la Ley. En Montana eso acaba de pasar a las páginas de Historia. 5
ME GUSTA
Incluso si desde hace ocho años (sí, sólo ocho), la Corte Suprema de los Estados Unidos invalidó cualquier castigo penal que pudiera darse por dicha práctica sexual, y desde 1997, en el mismo Estado de Montana la Corte Suprema lo invalidase, hasta ahora, tal delito seguía apareciendo como tal en su Código Penal. La Sodomía, que es una forma esquiva de denominar el sexo gay en realidad, resultaba tan desafiantemente arcaica en los libros de leyes del Estado, que el Senador por el Partido DemócrataTom Facey, a quien se sumó Christine Kaufmann, también senadora y lesbiana, propuso una iniciativa para su eliminación que finalmente fue aprobada por 41 votos contra 9. Junto al paso adelante, que es muchísimo más que un gesto, de la Administración Obama de apoyar por ver primera el Matrimonio Gay de forma explícita, los USA andan demostrando que de hace poquitos años para acá han pasado de follar mucho de puertas adentro y hablar mucha mierda extramuros, a sacar brillo a las ventanas y descorrer las cortinas. Bravo...
...got leche? 34 davidatlanta
By Luis Chiruco
FRIENDS ON PONCE
35 davidatlanta
the
Vagitarian
by Katie Stover
Thinking about getting a new tattoo, or your first? Tattoos are a huge part of my life. The art, the culture, the community; all of it. People often approach me and as me about my ink and ask me two questions:
“Did that hurt?” Tattoos don’t hurt that bad. It really just depends on where you are getting the tattoo. Some of the most sensitive areas that I have had tattooed are my ribs, neck, chest, elbow, and the inside of my upper arm. My leg, forearms, and back had minimal pain or discomfort. The hour of pain that you experience is definitely worth the result.
“Where do you get your work?” Some of my tattoos were done in Savannah, Georgia at Black Orchid, but most of them were done right here in Atlanta. The two places that I have had the best experiences are at...
SOUTHSIDE TATTOO Located in East Point off Whiteway, this little shop offers quality tattoos for very reasonable prices. You can visit their website www.southsidetattoos.net to take a look at their work, and to get to know the artists. I highly recommend Ashton Anderson. He has done most of my work, and if are into quarky drawings and interesting color palettes, Ashton’s your guy 36 davidatlanta 36 davidatlanta
Atlanta Ink I recently checked out a new shop after seeing some of my friends get some amazing work done there.
SOUTHERN STAR TATTOO Last month for my birthday, I just decided to walk in to the new shop located off of Ponce De Leon Avenue. The shop itself is a work of art. Everyone in the shop was super friendly, helpful, and seemed very enthusiastic about their work. I would recommend Bill. My experience was so good that I am planning on going back very soon to have more work done. The energy in the shop made my experience. They are a little more expensive than some of the other shops I have been to, but the work speaks for itself. You can check Southern Star out on their website, www.southernstartattoo.com.
TATTOO TIPS 1. DON’T RUSH. Although it may be thrilling to be spontaneous to go out and rush into a tattoo with some friends, it isn’t smart. Tattoos last forever. Take your time, really think about what you want, and do some research! Find an artist that matches your style, or that can create exactly what you are looking for. Don’t be afraid to go to shops and ask questions. Shops are not as intimidating as you would think.
2. AVOID NAMES. Tattoos last forever, but most relationships do not. So ladies, please stop tattooing your boyfriend’s name on your ass. You will regret it later.
3. PLACEMENT. You may be 21 now, but you won’t be forever. A face, neck, or hand tattoo may seem like a good idea now, but it may not be the best idea for the future. Tattoos that cannot be hidden will make it harder for you to find employments, and with the economy the way it is, I would definitely reconsider that face tattoo that you have been dying to get. ope my advice was helpful. If you have any more questions about tattoos, local shops and artists, or anything in between, feel free to email me at: stover@davidatlanta.com.
Have a great week!!! davidatlanta 37
JUNGLE
38 davidatlanta
39 davidatlanta
40 davidatlanta
davidatlanta 41
42 davidatlanta
davidatlanta 43
ETC
44 davidatlanta
45 davidatlanta
46 davidatlanta
Monday Mayhem! Mondays at 8pm. No Cover Charge! • Drag Show featuring contestants of Ru Paul’s Drag Race! • 9pm Screening of Ru Paul’s Drag Race with the contestants! • DJ McCracken! • Food and Absolut drink specials Sponsored By • As always, free valet parking! • Double loyalty points
Mariah Season 3 Brent Star Mr. Entertainer Nicole Paige Brooks Season 2
1077 Juniper St. Atlanta, GA 30309 404.876.7925 einsteinsatlanta.com
davidatlanta 47
48 davidatlanta
davidatlanta 49
50 davidatlanta
2011
THE AMERICAN CRAFT COUNCIL SHOW COBB GALLERIA CENTRE ATLANTA MARCH 11-13
SAVE TIME AND MONEY: BUY DISCOUNTED TICKETS ONLINE! CRAfTCouNCiL.oRG/ATLANTA Above: Covered bowl by Gartner/Blade Bottom L to R: Glass bowl by Michael Schunke, Adirondack chairs by Robert Erickson
51 davidatlanta
Horoscopes Aries Your creative impulses are strong and sexy. Get to work on art or romance and make something beautiful happen. You’re able to connect with people on a deeper level.
SAGITTARIUS It’s a good time to be you, but a bad time for those trying to get your attention. You have so much going on you can’t possibly focus on every single thing. If people get hurt, oh well. They’ll eventually understand where you’re coming from.
TAURUS You’re so sexy right now that you should be locked up. If you’re roaming free, expect some great attention from the hotties out there, at least one of whom will love you for your mind. Really.
CAPRICORN You and your closest friends need to hole up individually right now. It’s not like you can’t deal with other people, though — it’s more like they can’t handle your disdain.
GEMINI Your life is a party all day, even if the people around you don’t realize it. Make time and space for everyone to enjoy themselves, but treat yourself right at the end of the night.
AQUARIUS Nothing can stop you from telling it like it is now — so get together with the person or people who need to hear the truth and let them have it. It will get easier as you progress.
CANCER You need to let go of something that’s holding you back. It may or may not be a person, but if you let it stay, you’ll feel stifled for the next month or more. It will feel good when the situation is wrapped up.
PISCES Parties are perfect for you, as long as you can make yourself heard. It’s a great time for sharing new ideas and thinking about how to get them off the ground, but not for actually working on them.
Leo You have mixed feelings about something big: your job, your home or your sweetie. You don’t have to get everything wrapped up any time soon, but you do need to confront the issue before long. VIRGO Don’t rush into anything, no matter how appealing it seems from the outside. You may have a little grass-is-greener syndrome going on — and you’ll need to resolve it before you can move forward. LIBRA Something you randomly see online or in the paper starts you thinking about an entirely new and different subject. It may be time to make a big change in your life, so ask deep questions. SCORPIO You’ll easily understand everything you think about this week, thanks to your big brain. If you have a thorny problem in your love life or home situation, it’s a good time to figure it out. 52 davidatlanta
53 davidatlanta
Family Poker 7:30pm
TUESDAY
FEATHERS & FLESH BURLESQUE REVUE 11pm
Intermediate 2 Step @ 8-9
WEDNESDAY Dance Lessons @ 8-9 Ladies Night
THURSDAY
Sugar Baby’s Trailer Park Revue-10pm
FRIDAY
Dance Lessons @ 8-9
SATURDAY
MONDAY
1/2 Price Appetizers 11am-8pm-Blake’s Wild Card Show-11pm Karaoke Idol 11:30PM
3 LEGGED COWBOY Drag On The Edge Show 11pm Karaoke 11:30PM
Free Pool Let’s Make A Deal
Smirnoff Martini Night
Karaoke with Brett & Tyler 10pm
“Total Request” with Angelica D’Paige! 11:30PM
Got Leche? 10pm - Hot Latino Dancers
Club Nights-DJ Dance Party
Bartenders Ray & Cory Serve it up!
HOT NIGHTS With Jasen Happy Time With Daniel and Donnie and Terry
“P.O.P.!” hosted by Princess Charles! 11:30PM
Club Nights-DJ Dance Party
Karaoke with Brett & Tyler 10pm
Open @ Noon with Bob Brewer
CJ Hosting Mary-Oke @ 10pm
Karaoke 9PM
DJ Yes Sir Spins Rock 9pm
Karaoke 8pm
Robert & Michael serve up their Best!
Themed Parties Reto DJ’s
Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30PM
Poker Night 9pm
Open 5pm - Boys Room Party - Themed Party Love DJ
Free Tacos! All The Fixins! 3:30 pm to gone!
Dance Party Hot Mess 9PM Differnt DJ Every Week
Dragnique Talent Search Competition. Doors Open Special Guest DJs Dance 9:30pm. Dance Party Party Follows
Boys Night OutNight Hot Mandatory Dress Code AZUCA-Latin Guest DJs-Dance Special Guest DJs-Dance Beats with DJ SpecialParty Party Or Go Shirtless-DJ Latin Tribal 10pm Party 10pm Karlitos 10pm Lydia Prim 10pm
3D Thursdays Disco & Dazzle with Diva Jasen
80s Music with Travis- Karaoke with Mikey-Tim’s Tim’s Black Jack Black Jack
“The Fashionistas” hosted by Princess Charles! 11:30PM
Texas Hold’Em Poker Meow Mix Jealouse’s Daring Divas 7pm-The Shawnna Factor Kitty LeClaw’s Show 11pm Show 11pm Show 11pm
BLAKE’S Karaoke Idol 11:30PM
FELIX’S Afternoons with Jasen 2pm
Time Warp 70s 80s 90s Music with Paul-Dance Floor Open 10pm
Rock Music-Free Pool with Tony
FRIENDS ON PONCE S.I.N. Night with Brian Dance Floor Open 10pm
Comedy TV-Free Pool with Tony
BURKHART’S
THE EAGLE
HERETIC Stars of the Century Show 11pm
EINSTEIN’S
JUNGLE
Open 5pm - DJ Va Jay Jay Spins
Always a Party! Wyatt, Gary & Elvis serve up their Best!
Dragamundo (formerly Dragamaki) with Bubba Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30pm D. Licious and guests
MARY’S
Service Industry Night! Discounted Drinks!
LAS MARGARITAS
MODEL T
2-4-1 Door & 2-4-1 VIP Room
Laser Show Dance Party with DJ Steve Lynch
Open 6:30pm - $10 - Hot Naked Men and Big Cocktails
Cookout 2pm
Open 6:30pm - $10
Show Tunes & Glee 8pm 2-4-1 VIP Room
Karaoke with Darlene 9pm
OSCAR’S
Taco Buffet 5pm
$5 Cover After Midnight
TRIPP’S BAR
Chris Coleman Presents “Indulge” 9pm-Midnight
SWINGING RICHARDS
MIDTOWN W
SUNDAY
Sunday Brunch 12-3-DJ’s Bill Berdeaux & Daryl Cox Spin All Night
7 PM “The Armorette’s”! 9:30 PM “The Dreams” with Shavonna B. Brooks!
Bloody Mary & Mimosa Wallet Pleasers
All You Can Eat Brunch 11AM-3PM
Sunday Dinner 3pm
Complimentary Buffet 3pm-Karaoke 7pm
*See Guide on Page 62 for Locations
54 davidatlanta
LA CHAPARRAL
Bartab Nightlife Guide
Piedmont Chiropractic Health Center specializing in sports injuries and preventive care
Dr. Keith Kauffman DC, CCSP
(Certified Chiropractic Sports Physician)
> Complete chiropractic care > Most insurance accepted > Neuromuscular massage therapy > Convenient hours IMMUNE SYSTEM need boosting? Read more about Zrii at www.drkeith.myzrii.com
404.87.CHIRO 1512 PIEDMONT RD. NE SUITE 201 @ANSLEY SQUARE E-mail: DrKeith10@aol.com
55 davidatlanta
45 davidatlanta
Gay Atlanta Guide
56 davidatlanta
1. Amsterdam 502 Amsterdam Ave. 404-892-2227 myspace.com/amsterdamatlanta
20. Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave. 404-624-4411 www.marysatlanta.com
PRIVATE SOCIAL CLUBS 40. Eros 2219 Faulkner Rd. 404-287-4482
2. Bellissima 560-B Amsterdam Ave. 404-917-0220 myspace.com/bellissima_lounge
21. Mixx 1492 Piedmont Rd. 404-228-4372
41. Manifest 2103 Faulkner Rd. 404-549-2815
22. Model-T 699 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-872-2209 www.modeltatlanta.com
Atlanta Tourist Spots
3. Blake’s on the Park 227 10th St. 404-892-5786 myspace.com/blakesonthepark 4. BJ Roosters 2345 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-634-5895 www.bjroostersatl.com 5. Bulldogs 893 Peachtree St. 404-872-3025 6. Burkhart’s 1492-F Piedmont Rd. 404-872-4403 www.burkharts.com 7. Chaparral 2715 Buford Hwy. 678-886-3205 8. Club Europe 4001 Presidential Pkwy. 770-452-1240 www.thelionsdenatlanta.com 9. Club Opera 1150-B Crescent Ave. 404-872-1150 www.operaatlanta.com 10. Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-873-2453 www.atlantaeagle.com 11. Felix’s 1510-G Piedmont Rd. 404-249-7899 12. Friends On Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-817-3820 www.friendsonponce-atl.com 13. Gilbert’s 219 10th St. 404-872-8012 www.gilbertscafe.com 14. Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-325-3061 www.hereticatlanta.com 15.HOBNOB 1551 Piedmont Ave. 404-968-2288 16. Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St. 404-875-6634 www.joesatlanta.com 17. Jungle 2115 Faulkner Rd. 404-844-8800 jungleclubatlanta.com 18. LeBuzz 585 Franklin Rd. (Marietta) 770-424-1337 www.thenewlebuzz.com 19. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-873-4464 www.lasmargaritasatl.com
23. My Sisters Room 1271 Glenwood Ave. SE 678-705-4585 24. New Order 1544 Piedmont Rd. 404-874-8247 25. Opus 1 1086 Alco St. 404-634-6478
A. Atlanta Botanical Gardens B. Atlanta History Center C. Atlantic Station D. Centennial Olympic Park E. CNN - Atlanta F. Fox Theater G. Georgia Aquarium H. Georgia State Capitol I. High Museum of Art J. Margaret Mitchell House K. The Atlanta Opera and The Atlanta Ballet L. The Atlanta Symphony Orchestra M. Virginia-Highlands N. World of Coca-Cola O. Zoo Atlanta
26. Oscar’s 1510-C Piedmont Ave N.E. www.oscarsatlanta.com 27. Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr. 404-352-0532 www.swingingrichards.com 28. 3 Legged Cowboy 931 Monroe Dr. 404-876-0001 www.3leggedcowboy.net 29. Tripps 1931 Piedmont Cir. 404-724-0067 30. Woofs 2425 Piedmont Rd. 404-869-9422 www.woofsatlanta.com 31. 91 91 Broad Street SW 404.581.0577 www.91below.com GYMS/SPAS/BATHS 32. FLEX 76 - 4th St. NW 404-815-0456 33. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd. NW 404-486-0506 34. Workout Anytime 2140 Peachtree Rd. 404-351-3264 RETAIL/BOOKS/DVDS 35. Atlanta Leather Company 2070 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-320-8989 36. Brushstrokes/Capulets 1510 Piedmont Ave. 404-876-6567 37. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Rd. 404.873.2264 www.boynextdoor.biz 38. Outwrite Bookstore & Cafe 991 Piedmont Ave. 404-607-0082 39. Poster Hut 2175 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-633-7491
davidatlanta 57
CLUB ARGOS 1923 WaltonWay-706-481-8829www.clubargos.net THE FILLING STATION @ The Parliament Resort 1258 Gordon Highway-706-828-7400 www.gayaugusta.com/thefillingstation
MACON
KAOS 2780 Riverside Drive – 478-621-0662 www.kaosmacon.com SYNERGY 425 Cherry Street – 478-755-9383
SAVANNAH
BLAINE’S 13 East Perry Street-912-233-6765 www.blainesbar.com CHUCK’S BAR 305 West River Street-912-232-1005 CLUB ONE 1 Jefferson Street-912-232-0200 www.clubone-online.com UNADILLA The Lumberyard @ Lumberjacks Resort 50 Highway 230-1-877-888-1688 www.lumberjackscampground.com
58 davidatlanta
TENNESSEE
AUGUSTA
CHATTANOOGA IMAGES 6005 Lee Highway-423-855-8210 www.mirage-complex.com CHUCK’S 27 W. Main Street- 423-265-5405 ALLAN GOLD’S 1100 McCallie Avenue-423-629-8080f
AL ABAMA
G EO R G I A
Out of Town Directory BIRMINGHAM THE QUEST 416 24th Street South-205-251-4313 www.the-quest-club.com OUR PLACE 2115 8th Avenue S. 205-715-0077 JOE’S ON SEVENTH 2627 7th Avenue South- 205-321-2812 www.joesonseventh.com
DOTHAN
CLUB IMAGINATION 4129 Ross Clark Circle 334-792-6555
MONTGOMERY
CLUB 322 322 N. Lawrence Street - 334-263-4322
59 davidatlanta
Dennis
Williams
PLEASE VOTE SPECIAL ELECTION
March 15th
To find your polling location, visit:
www.sos.ga.gov/mvp
Sandy Springs City Council District 4
www.DennisWilliams.info Residents of
Sandy Springs District 4: Now is the time to be represented. City of Atlanta Water Public Safety Development & Jobs with local Community Stimulus Communication & Accountability between the city and its citizens
60 davidatlanta
MIXX
61 davidatlanta
Atlanta A to Z
By David C. Muller
EPISODE THIRTY-EIGHT:
The Big “Uh-Oh”
Once upon a time Luke went to a palm reader in Gwinnett County. The palm reader told him, “You must move to Atlanta, Luke, for you will find love there.”
Luke’s new lesbian friends had made an enemy of another lesbian named Heidi, a big fat lesbian with hairy arms and baggy pants. Prone to wearing tank-tops, Heidi had an “I k.d.” tattoo on her arm and she also wore yellow Crocs years after they had fallen out of fashion; that is, if Crocs had ever been fashionable in the first place. She kept the hair on her gaunt fleshy head cut short close to the scalp. Heidi was recently made to be single: her latest exgirlfriend; a tall svelte blond lesbian named Suzette; dumped Heidi in front of Luke and a 62 davidatlanta
whole party of assorted lesbians many weeks ago. Now lonely and enraged, Heidi set out on a mission of rebound, she vowed to win Suzette back and made a series of ill-conceived declarative statements: “I am woman, hear me roar!” “Lesbians unite!” “If I can’t have Suzette then no one will!” At one point, Heidi tied a belted bandana around her head and, like a crazed
butch-dyke, she hunted her skinny prey like a cougar. Heidi arose at dawn on Thursday and, like a red-headed lesbian stepchild infatuated with a small shiny object, Heidi hid deep inside Suzette’s bushes and, like a psychopath, she followed her blond-headed ex all over Metropolitan Atlanta; she shadowed the svelte as Suzette shopped for fruits and vegetables at the local Kroger on Monroe and spied her young former lover as she browsed greeting cards and poster books at Brushstrokes. Heidi used binoculars all around the City of Atlanta. Heidi sometimes put black paint under her eyes like an American football player, she wore elastic panties and, on her head, a green hat emblazoned with the yellow letters of “John Deere.” She obscured her appearance with a pair of sunglasses and a purple wool scarf; both items purchased on sales clearance at the Target at Lindberg Station for $3.95 and $11.50, respectively. Incognito, Heidi followed Suzette to downtown Atlanta. Heidi was surprised later to see the blond park her Mazda on the corner of Martin Luther King Jr. Drive and Central Avenue, just a stone’s throw away from the World of Coca-Cola. Donning a green and red plaid shirt made of flannel, Heidi followed Suzette into the Fulton County Courthouse. She parked her fat ass in the rear of a federal courtroom just as a big black bailiff called for order. A judge, cloaked in robes of black, came in and took a seat. Luke, our hapless hero, was also present in the courtroom. Luke sat up front, right next to Suzette, Heidi’s ex-girlfriend. Next to Luke were the other lesbians: Melanie the Muff-Diver, Ping-Pong the Chinese lesbian and Natalie, Luke’s next door neighbor, also a lesbian. Heidi was confused at first: with all these new lesbian characters in the series here, she found it difficult, like most readers, to follow the story line and she asked herself: ‘What the hell is Luke doing in a federal courtroom in Downtown Atlanta with a whole bunch of lesbians?’ Truth be told, Luke and these lesbians had come out to court in support of their friend Shaquifah, the black lesbian, who was seated with a set of lawyers at the table for the formally accused. Heidi listened to the legalese with rapt attention. She watched with ‘schadenfreude’ as Shaquifah Beauregard, the black lesbian,
was arraigned on charges of violating federal immigration laws: specifically she was accused of illegally obtaining a green card for Consuela, the Latina lesbian. “Oh that’s right.” Heidi also talked to herself, “Shaquifah was arrested in the previous episode.” The judge called upon Shaquifah to stand up and enter a plea. “I am, your honor, one hundred percent NOT guilty of this crime for which I have been charged.” Shaquifah smirked and winked, “I didn’t do shit to break y’all white laws!” The judge allowed this comment to be recorded on public record and, in a shocking twist absolutely no one expected, the judge summoned the lawyer for the prosecution to begin his litigious proceedings. This prosecuting lawyer rose to his feet, he was tall and slender and stooped over in old-looking posture. The prosecutor smelled like peaches and peanuts and, with measured movements that belied a nefarious nature, this lawyer turned on his heel to face the defendant. And that’s when Luke gasped: “Oh dear Jesus no!” The lawyer twinkled with antiquated evil, “Oh dear Jesus yes!” He cackled wickedly, he snarled at our hapless hero and said, “Greetings, Luke. My, my,” he licked his lips, “don’t you look fine and delicious?” “Mr. Pencil!” Luke was shocked to see the villain, “what the hell are you doing here?” “I’m back, Luke, and I’m here to make you want me.” “Oh God,” Luke rolled his eyes, “Not all this crap again.”
Tune in next week for EPISODE FORTY: “P is for Pencil - Part Two” “ATLANTA A to Z” would LOVE to hear from you! QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS: We welcome your feedback! Send us an email at: AtlantaAtoZ@DavidAtlanta.com AND AtlantaAtoZ@Gmail.com
davidatlanta 63
64 davidatlanta
davidatlanta 65
66 davidatlanta
davidatlanta 67
WOOFS
68 davidatlanta
69 davidatlanta
70 davidatlanta
71 davidatlanta
72 davidatlanta
73 davidatlanta
YOUNG ORIENTAL PLEASURE Good looks, fit, affectionate & quality blended sessionwith sensual touch. Interactive tension-relief. Intuitive & discrete. No attitude, in/out calls. First time & hotel discount. Call Jack 404-641-4466. Late Hours OK.
74 davidatlanta
CLASSIFIEDS CONTINUED URGENT AIR SERVICES Proudly Serving the Gay Community 404-663-2580 www.urgentairservices.com Eleven Hair Studio Men’s & Women’s Cut & Color 502B Amsterdam Ave 404-944-5838 by appointment only Quality Experienced Cleaning $55 for up to 5 hours cleaning Good References & Extensive Experience Call Terrence: 678-763-6841
davidatlanta 75
Protect Your Monster
76 davidatlanta
By Richard Marshall
davidatlanta 77
Bitch Session No, drag queen. Just because I have nice things, it doesn’t mean I am living beyond my means. I have a real job and know how to manage my money, thank you.
I hate you and how selfish you are. I hate going out with you because you always want to leave early. I hate how the slightest buzz gets you out of the mood.
Wow! If you are really 27, then Mother Nature has been really unkind to you.
What happened to all the good DJs? It’s sad that the best music in the city is at a strip bar and another bar, neither having a dance floor.
Hey all you “party boys!” You’ll dance to a hot song if a guest DJ plays it, but not when a local DJ plays the same song? You’re not party boys. You’re posers! Last night I trimmed my chest and stomach but forgot my butt. I looked like a French poodle!
If I don’t answer your text, don’t keep texting me asking, “Did you get it?” or “Are you there?” Yes I am here, and I don’t want to talk to you!!! I don’t get it. You tell me doing good things will bring good things and doing bad things will bring bad. Well, how come I keep doing good deeds and still nothing but bad things happen to me? Are you really still in the closet at work? Really? Oh, right. It’s none of their business unless they are married men.
Umm...is this a gay bar? If I have to walk into a tacky, campy bar again, I’ll have no choice but to kill myself. It’s demeaning to the gay sense of taste and style. Even with horizontal stripes and basic black, you still look fat. Monogamy is monotonous. Need I say more? I want all the bars to me smoke-free. Then we’d have to make the sidewalks smoke-free, too. I love butt-ugly guys like I love a root canal. It requires shutting your eyes tightly and bracing for impact.
Geez! I am sorry I scratched your car. You know, it isn’t really a relationship until there is property damage involved.
Even if my ass did say that I have upper body fat, it still looks better than your face. At least I exercise my legs and ass.
Whether or not the sex is good, random hookups always leave me feeling lonelier than before.
FYI queen, the law says I can’t roll over pedestrians in the crosswalk when it’s their turn to cross. And no amount of honking can change that. Grow a brain, bitch!
When you started talking about equality, I just zoned off like I usually do in church. It’s a tired issue that does not need to be preached to the choir.
Gotta Bitch?
? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitc ch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? ? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitc ch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch?
Text it to 404.969.BTCH(2824) 78 davidatlanta
79 davidatlanta
80 davidatlanta