David Magazine | Atlanta Issue 638

March 16, 2011

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DEVEN GREEN

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April 6, 2011 14 brent star 20 momma mona 34 josh flagg 44 elizabeth taylor 52 pool boy 62 atlanta a to z seen@

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Opinions expressed by any writer appearing in this publication are not necessarily those of the staff, management, advertisers, organizations or persons appearing in this magazine. No Part of this publication may be reproduced by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopy recording or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. The mention, appearance or likeness of any person, business, organization, or event in this publication is in no way to be taken as any identification of the sexual, social or political orientation of such persons, businesses, events organizations, staff, shareholders or owners of such. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, errors or changes in information, events and schedules in ads, features or calendars. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE reserves the right to reject or cancel any advertisement submitted. All copy, text, graphics, photo’s and illustrations in submitted ads are published with the understanding that the person and business’ submitting such are fully authorized and have secured proper consent for the use of images, graphics, pictures, names, logos and testimonials used in such ads and that DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE may lawfully publish the same. By submitting such materials, the advertiser agrees to indemnify and hold blameless DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE from any liability resulting from the publication of any such materials or images.

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Drag Races @ Blake’s

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The Brent Star Report

I

Rumble in the Jungle

n case you haven’t been keeping up, the busy Friday night ‘TV reality type’ drag race competition show is now called DRAGNIQUE 2…yes, honey this is the SECOND round and with it, they have a new batch of whores with bigger claws fighting for that top prize!. There are 3 judges and each week the girls have a new challenge or theme except for the first week, they can do whatever they want. Um…but what the crowd, nor the show director herself, Eve Michaels, didn’t expect was the stand out performance from Jaye Lish. Now when I say “stand out”, I’m not saying she had the best act as there were plenty of talent there, but ‘stand out’ as in truly ‘shocking’ the crowd. Her performance was a mockery of the latest news scandal in this city which happens to include a contestant from last Dragnique’s round, the very pretty Pasha Nicole. Unless you haven’t been in the scene nor have facebook, it’s kinda hard for you not to know what’s going on, but Pasha was the one on Fox 5 News earlier this month helping detectives solve the case of teenage boys molestations and enslavement but have somehow got caught up in it herself. Currently, the news reports that it’s ALLEGED that she had something to do with it too. So, back to Jaye’s performance, she not only had someone appear on stage dressed as a little boy clad with little shorts, knee high socks and carrying a balloon, but a big ass freezer appeared on the stage as the daring Jaye pulled out body parts and finished it with a detective handcuffing her and taking her backstage. When she was done, I had never seen, well perhaps aside from a sex party, so many ppl just stirring with their mouths wide OPEN. Well, after a few seconds, finally weekly head judge Phoenix told her it was inappropriate while celebrity guest judge from New York, Hedda Lettuce, broke the tension in the room as she quipped, “THIS….was the making of a Lifetime channel movie right here on this stage folks!”. Host Eve Michaels wasn’t too thrilled about her performance neither was quite a few audience members, mainly because it was too close to home.

Now I can see if she made fun of Jeffery ‘Dumber’… you know….but a contestant from the previous show in the same city, not so much. However , the positive things about Ms Lish’s performance were: a. she didn’t get eliminated and b. she got what she wanted because as an artist she informed us and got our attention, I mean shit, I’m writing about it now. Monica Van Pelt was helping me with a costume piece and I asked her about that freezer part and she told me “oh that part 14 davidatlanta

was just for her act, I don’t recall reading or hearing anything about body parts in a freezer, however Mr. Star, these days when I go out, I surround myself with only people who got my back. Ppl are crazy these days, it’s not wise to go to a stranger’s house. You never know what you’ll get or end up”.

Oh, the piece Monica was helping me with was for my new 80s mix which was a tribute to STAR WARS. No, I wasn’t competing, just a special guest (I’m there every other week child). I was happy with the big reception I got from it, including the kind ‘gesture’ from owner Brad Williams backstage (don’t ask, i ain’t telling). The other contestants did a fab job too with the flexible and often acrobatic dancing styles of Alana Kellie, the queen of couture Miss Coco Couture wearing a fab (and appropriate) yellow CAUTION tape costume, the sultry Tanyla Cassidine dancing all over the place, but I didn’t get to see the other contestants as I was backstage either tucking away my “boys” or being chased by boys but shout outs to survivors Jaky Alba, Rapture Divine, and Monica Foster. I was surprised to see cutie pie Michael Jarvis get eliminated cause he was the only ‘boy’ in the show (boy, not drag king, but boy) but keep going baby and good luck also to the other eliminated contestant, Ms Vanity. I decided to give all the contestants a shout out because it’s not easy being critiqued like that in front of the ‘kids’ ESPECIALLY since not only they’re NOT getting paid but ALL of their tips goes to a charity. Kudos to you girls and no matter what, don’t ever stop doing what you love and ALWAYS be you! Ok, that’s my time for this week, I’m about to go help Princess Charles celebrate his bday at Swinging Richards.

Until next week, don’t read the girls, instead read The Brent Star Report! (and don’t forget to “like” my new facebook page, “The Brent Star Report”).

Where to catch Brent Star: Mondays at Einsteins (with RuPaul’s contestants Nicole Paige Brooks of season 2 and Mariah Paris Balenciaga of season 3), Saturdays at Tijuana Garage and a few times a month on Thursdays and Sundays at Burkharts and everywhere else that pays! w w w. f a c e b o o k . c o m / Mr.BrentStar

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Burkhart’s

Photos by Kristin Malone

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Dragnique

Photos by Kristin Malone

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Well hello . . .

Welcome to My Interview with Deven Green

B

een on YouTube lately? If so, you’ve probably come across Betty Bowers, “America’s Best Christian.” Her delightfully conservative views and lightning-quick one-liners on sex, politics, religion and gay marriage are hilarious yet thought provoking. Mrs. Bowers has people talking, and that’s just fine with her.

Elegantly filthy comedienne Deven Green is the face of the satirical Betty Bowers, created by Andrew Bradley.

Green is also the voice and creator of the popular “Welcome To My...Comedy Parodies” and other comedy videos. Some of Green’s videos have had over seven million views, firmly anchoring her at the top of the pop culture hall of fame.

Green started her career as a professional figure skater.

She is a triple-gold medal winner and was hired by Disney to skate for two films, Ice Princess and Blades of Glory. She also did some modeling and commercial acting but eventually started studying comedy, her passion, at Toronto’s Second City.

“I grew up in Canada and did a lot of improvisational comedy after I had a disastrous modeling career,” said Green. “I found out people don’t really like chittychatty models. Then I started studying and working with Second City and continued when I moved down to the states, probably about fifteen years ago. There are a lot of famous Canadian comedians from Second City.”

Years ago Green met actor and comedian Harland Williams, who starred in Dumb and Dumber and There’s Something about Mary, among numerous other films and television shows. Green has appeared in several of Williams’ comedy productions and on his insanely funny podcast, The Harland Highway.

“Harland and I shot some funny stuff together in Canada,” said Green. “He has been an inspiration and a good friend. He was really the impetus to get me to move to the States. He is one of my all-time favorite comedians, and I’m really happy we’re friends. We continue to work together. He has such an unusual take on things.”

Green moved to Los Angeles in late 1996 and has since won Comedy Performer of the Decade by the Los Angeles Comedy Theater. She also won Craig Shoemaker’s Comedy Idol, was nominated for Most Popular Female Personality in the WeHo Awards, and won the first International Comedy Festival (as one half of the internationally-recognized comedy duo with her husband, Joel Bryant). Most recently, Green went to prison, to perform for maximum security inmates.

Green said she and her husband were honored to perform their comedy in the Middle East and in Europe for the U.S. troops.

David Magazine: Is comedy your day job?

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Deven: Comedy is all that I do. I actually don’t even say I’m an actor. I just do comedy. It’s also a business, and it’s really super fun. Canadian humor is a little bit different than American humor. There is a lot of crucifixion in American comedy, just pulling people apart. It’s very mean-spirited, and that isn’t really our bag. My husband is also a comedian, and we bring people up on stage in our shows and try to bring out the best in them. It’s the way it should be. Just to clarify, I don’t do stand-up. Our comedy duo is like a talking Shields and Yarnell. When you look up that reference, you’ll go, ‘Oh, two people who are silent mimes? Got it!’ Haha.

By Jesse A. Hancock David Magazine: How often do you go back to Canada to see your family?

Deven: That’s a very good question. I believe in web cams. I see my family pretty much every other day by web cam. I had to set my parents up, and there is an obvious slight learning curve for them to learn anything concerning the internet. I wrote down their email address, which I also set up for them, and their password. At first they kept saying they didn’t get it, and I was like, ‘I just went through this two minutes go.’ You know how you can feel an aneurism exploding over your left eye?

After fifteen minutes with them on the phone, I’m like, ‘I don’t know what the issue is. I just did it! Just read back to me what you have. Type in your email address and password. That’s it.’ They were typing in their email address and then literally typing ‘that’s it.’

I don’t know where I came from. I could not have come from my mother’s womb. No, in all seriousness they are very gentle and kind. They are the kindest, most generous, thoughtful people.

David Magazine: Do your parents like your comedy?

Deven: They really have no clue what I do. I show them everything and they’re like, ‘Oh.’ They didn’t get that my ‘Pulled Pork’ video is really about masturbation.

Instead, they were like, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize you felt so strongly about meat.’ Haha. I don’t need to go into detail with them. They just blindly support me and know I’ve got things going on. I sent them a videotape of one of my hour-long shows. I try never to put people on the spot and ask them how they like my shows. I just thank them for coming and say I hope they had a good time. The one time I asked my mum if she liked my show, she just said, ‘It was so funny when you used your hand as a telephone.’ I thought, Oh my God, in an hour show that was the one thing she liked, the only thing that stuck out? One time I sent my parents some swag, and there was a t-shirt for Hedwig and the Angry Inch. My mum was wearing it at the gym for months before a lady came up to her and asked if she knew what the movie was about. She said, ‘No, not at all.’

Then she looked it up online and, uh, stopped wearing it.

I believe comedy should be dangerous.

David Magazine: Your husband, Joel Bryant, is in some of your videos. You are quite a team, very funny.

Deven: Joel also does a lot of traditional TV acting. He will actually be a guest star in an upcoming episode of Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior on CBS with Forest Whitaker.

He does a ton of stuff. We also have our live comedy shows, which we’ve been doing since 1998. We travel all over.

We’ve performed for the troops and in maximum security prison and in Las Vegas. Last year we headlined at New PRIDE in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

We’re extremely proud

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of that one. It was a true highlight for us. Joel leaves soon to go to New York to be the understudy for both Dane Cook and Josh Hamilton in a Broadway play directed by Neil LaBute, also starring Julia Stiles.

Joel felt so strongly about this role that he paid for his own plane ticket to New York to audition for it. I am so profoundly happy for him. I will go out periodically to support, visit, keep him sane and do our live comedy show out there. He is just so talented. I am in awe.

When people hold onto tradition, it doesn’t always make ideas and behavior right. You are not the same as you were five years ago or even five months ago.

Marriage should progress to all citizens, especially since it’s really about civil rights.

At this point in our careers, we like to do the things we are interested in and that make us happy. We don’t say yes to every envelope opening. We get crazy, fun invitations. We don’t like to be around douche bags.

We like to be around positive, energetic, articulate, passionate people who love just as much what they are doing as we do. They don’t have to be entertainers. We have a friend who is an arc welder, and the way she describes it is fascinating, putting metals together. It David Magazine: What is your live show like? It was fascinating how passionately she talked about it.

That’s the one thing that really resonates with both Joel must be a lot of fun. and I, but as much as someone has delicious passion, I Deven: It’s great fun. Sometimes we like to take am equally compelled to someone who has misplaced 80s songs and turn them around or play them on the passion. I love that more than anything. When some ukulele. It’s really funny because people will hear a blondes don’t know they’re dumb, that kind of stuff. It song like ‘November Rain’ and go, ‘Oh my God, what hits my giggle box. is that? I know the lyrics.’ As musicians know, the ukulele barely supports the voice. You’re a violinist in David Magazine: So you play Betty Bowers, an orchestra, right? So you know what I mean, like if America’s Best Christian. There are currently 8 or 9 videos on the website. What else do you plan to you did one of these 80s songs on the violin? do with her?

David Magazine: Yes, people may recognize the tune, but it would just be kind of strange. Haha. Deven: Betty Bowers was created by Andrew Bradley It’s funny you mention ukuleles. My mom started for the website, www.BettyBowers.com. In a way, playing ukulele a few years ago with a group of Betty Bowers has always walked amongst us. We little old ladies at her church. They go around town aren’t on any sort of regular schedule for videos. When Betty has something to say, she’ll say it. It’s really just and perform. as simple as that. We’ve been working on some really Deven: I understand this. I fell in love with it. For great videos. I’m just going to say it, it’s stunning! She comedy, when we break out the ukulele people just is also always good at accepting friends on Facebook. automatically start smiling. I just kicked it up a notch.

For my birthday Joel got me an electric ukulele. So I David Magazine: You walk a fine line when doing satire and parody. Have you had any trouble plug it in, and it’s mayhem. Just mayhem! from conservative Christian groups because of David Magazine: Have you and your husband ever Betty? performed in Atlanta?

Deven: People interpret in a lot of different ways.

Deven: Yes! Out of all the places where we have Their agenda essentially dictates their perspective to performed, all over the world, one of the highlights it. Troubles? I believe comedy should be dangerous. was performing in Atlanta in Little Five Points. I just The people who get it truly get it, which is a blessing. love Atlanta! The people are just so great. I really fell There are a lot of knee jerk people, which creates a in love with that particular area and the food as well. really strong reaction.

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David Magazine: Are you and your husband progay marriage?

are honored and gladly and proudly speak our thoughts on how we feel. Joel and I identify with being heterosexual, but Deven: We get asked to work with a lot of charities, we feel this strongly about it. Hopefully, but gay marriage is an issue we feel very strongly in less than five years people will look back about. We say no to a lot of charities because we feel it and think this was really a non-issue. I hope it would be disingenuous for us to say yes to helping, say, makes some people reflect. This is truly the way cleft palates. Out in California, where we live, there to help society progress. It’s really heartbreaking is a lot of attention to the No Hate campaign. Can I sometimes to see any of our friends in pain, for just be clear? If you look at Canada, gay marriage was any reason, but for this one reason in particular, it’s legalized across the country in 2005. The discussion in devastating.

Canada was just, ‘Oh, two people want to get married?

Ok.’ We just have to educate people, and it shouldn’t be David Magazine: Who or what makes YOU laugh? an angry discussion. When people hold onto tradition, it doesn’t always make ideas and behavior right. You Deven: My husband makes me laugh a lot. He’s my are not the same as you were five years ago or even Rosetta Stone. He helps me translate and helps me five months ago. Marriage should progress to all with society. Here’s an example. I will write a note to citizens, especially since it’s really about civil rights. Joel, and he will bring it back to me later and show me We have had a lot of attention and success with the how idiotic and absurd it is. Just the other day I wrote Betty Bowers traditional marriage video, but there are to him, ‘Joel, there is no logical way in hell that me, opponents who quote the Bible all the time. It’s funny the fetus, could ever have cannibalized my own fetal because we always wonder if these people quoting twin.’ He printed it out and asked, ‘When you send me from the Bible were even married in the church or in these things, Deven, what am I to do?’ He spends a Las Vegas. We are usually introduced as ‘Hollywood’s lot of time laughing at me, and then I, in turn, laugh power gay couple who just happen to be straight.’ We at myself.

· · ·

Watch Deven’s hilarious videos: www.DevenGreen.com and Youtube.com/MrsBettyBowers Download Deven’s “Elegantly Filthy Ringtones” on iTunes: www.tinyurl.com/DevenGreeniTunes Buy an inappropriate t-shirt from Deven’s “Face Full of Fashion” store: www.cafepress.com/devengreen

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Bravo Star Comes Out Pens ‘Million Dollar’ Memoir

By Jesse A. Hancock

David Magazine: What made you decide to come out now? How has life changed?

Josh: I came out when I was 17, but I just came out on television. I didn’t want to make that public before because putting your life on television is such a public thing, and not all aspects of my life need to be out there. Whenever anyone has asked me, I always told them, but I didn’t want to put that out there publicly until recently.

David Magazine: Is your partner, Colton, in real estate also? How long have you been together?

Josh: Colton works for a very prominent interior designer. He’s just about to graduate from Fashion Institute of Design and Marketing (FIDM), a prestigious school in Los Angeles. We’ve been together for three years and have lots of fun.

Not many high school graduates catapult into a successful real estate career just a few short years after graduation. That fact didn’t stop real estate superstar Josh Flagg, who stars in Bravo’s reality series, Million Dollar Agent, now in its fourth season.

The show follows Flagg and two other young real estate agents in Los Angeles as they sell high-end homes.

Flagg said he is thrilled but surprised sometimes at the show’s success.

“I think everyone loves the different dynamics of the three characters on the show,” said Flagg. “We’re all just so different. Everyone seems to love big houses and crazy sellers. Fans love the way the three of us interact with each other. It’s entertaining to see big fancy homes and what it takes to sell them.”

Flagg came out publicly in a recent interview with the San Diego Gay and Lesbian News and on the show.

He writes poignantly about his life and sexuality in his new book, Million Dollar Agent: Brokering the Dream, which is available in bookstores everywhere and online.

David Magazine: Your show has been so successful.

What made you want to get into the real estate market right out of high school?

Josh: Well I’ve always loved houses and architecture.

I love design, but I didn’t really want to design homes for other people or work for other people in that sense.

That’s a whole different ballgame. I decided I’d rather sell big fancy homes in Beverly Hills. That way I can be more selective with my clientele. It’s very exciting.

I’m blessed that I get to work with such beautiful homes and absolutely interesting clientele.

David Magazine: What is it like being so famous and successful at a young age?

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Josh: I guess it’s a blessing. I’m very thankful. I love my job. It’s fantastic. I don’t know how people can do something and not love it.

David Magazine: What would you like David Magazine readers and Atlanta fans to know about Million Dollar Agent? Will there be a book signing tour?

Josh: Yes, there will be a tour. We’re scheduling that right now. The book really appeals to different demographics. It appeals to the gay demographic because it’s a coming-of-age story. It’s my personal story. The book is also for people, gay or straight, who want to get into real estate. It’s also for anyone who wants to start any career but doesn’t know how to start. It basically shows some steps to take. It’s also fabulous for older people who may want to reflect on their careers.

David Magazine: You seem so busy with the show, selling homes, and writing books. How much free time do you get, and what do you like to do in those moments?

Josh: I like to travel with my boyfriend, Colton Thorn.

We travel a lot.

David Magazine: Whether you intend it or not, some viewers say you don’t come across as gay on the show. What’s it like being on a show with Madison Hildebrand, who also came out on the show, and Josh Altman, who is straight. You often seem like the opposite of them, much calmer and reserved.

Josh: It’s just who I am. There’s nothing I can do about it. Most real estate agents in L.A. are gay, so it’s really nothing new. It’s just always how I’ve been, and I like who I am.

David Magazine: In one episode of the show you went to a concentration camp with your grandmother to learn more about her past. Thank you for sharing that experience with us. Fans of the show really got to see a different side of you. What did you learn and hope the audience learned from that experience?

Josh: My grandfather died in Auschwitz, but we went to a different concentration camp. I was writing A Simple Girl: Stories My Grandmother Told Me at that time, and it was easier for me to understand where she was coming from. It was pretty gruesome. She’s incredible and has had an amazing life. She literally came to this country with $2 in her pocket and built a multi-million dollar business from the ground up.

She’s an incredible woman. Fans will see more of her this season on the show.

I came out when I was 17, but I just came out publicly on television . . . putting your life on television is such a public thing, and not all aspects of my life need to be out there.

David Magazine readers to know about you, the show, or the book?

Josh: Yes, readers can go to www.ASimpleGirl.net to read more about my grandmother’s book and www.

JoshFlaggBook.com for my new book. · Million Dollar Listing, Season Four · Tuesdays at 9:00 p.m. on Bravo · www.JoshFlaggBook.com · www.ASimpleGirl.net · www.JoshFlagg.com

David Magazine: Did your grandmother really bring polyester to the U.S.?

Josh: Yes, she did. She really is amazing. What you see is what you get with her.

David Magazine: Ok, you’re living in a postapocalyptic, zombie-infested world. Choose one companion and one weapon.

Josh: Colton for sure. I’d choose a spear or a chainsaw.

David Magazine: What is in your refrigerator right now?

Josh: Diet Dr Pepper. I don’t like staying home. It’s depressing, so we eat out a lot and travel.

David Magazine: What’s next for you?

Josh: I do like writing a lot. I may possibly write another book, maybe one about Beverly Hills and its history. Maybe a book about travel? Hopefully another season of Million Dollar Listing? With the way the ratings are going, it looks very possible.

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Datebook April 7 (Thur)

8:00 p.m. Break out your chaps and boots!

Three-Legged Cowboy offers free line dance lessons at 8:00 p.m. Come out and learn to line dance. The classes are free. Beginners are welcome. The instructors are always willing and able to help you out in any way that they can.

Party with the Fashionistas

11:30 p.m. Burkharts, 1492-F Piedmont Rd. Princess Charles hosts this night and it features his cast of Fashionistas. Get ready to enjoy the show, Princess Charles’ style.

April 8 (Fri)

Scissor Sisters LIVE

9:00 p.m. Scissor Sisters take a break from touring with Lady Gaga to return to Atlanta to perform hits from their latest album, Night Work. Up close and personal at The Tabernacle, 152 Luckie St. NW. Scissor Sisters have collaborated with a number of other well known pop musicians including Elton John and Kylie Minogue. Bono of U2 described them as “the best pop group in the world” in 2004. For tickets, go to www. livenation.com.

Drag Show at Burkharts

11:30 p.m. Come have fun at one of Atlanta’s most popular drag show locations every Friday and Saturday nights at 1492 Piedmont Rd. This is a one-of-a-kind show with Alicia Kelly, Angelica De Paige, Ashley Kruiz, Regina Ryan, Savannah Leigh and more. Always a great time! Be sure to pick up a free raffle ticket at the front door for a chance to win a $100 gift card.

April 9 (Sat)

Lil Wayne, and Nicki Minaj LIVE

7:00 p.m. Raah raah, like a dungeon dragon! Check out two of the world’s hottest entertainers at Phillips Arena.

For tickets or more info go to www.ticketmaster.com.

Drag Show at Tijuana Garage

10:30 p.m. Come on over to Little 5 Points for some margaritas, nachos and the spiciest drag shows in town.

Performers include Brent Starr, Chynna Fox, Envy Van Michael, and the Glamazons. 351 Moreland Ave. Get there early to get a seat.

April 10 (Sun) Church Services

Attend one of Atlanta’s many gay or gay friendly churches. Some of these churches include: St. Bartholomew Episcopal Church, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta, St. Mark United Methodist Church, and First MCC of Atlanta. Check websites for times, locations, and more information.

Papi’s Brunch Buffet at Las Margaritas

11:00 a.m. Gay brunch at Las Margaritas. Join Papi’s Brunch at 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd NE with music powered by DJ Karlitos. Eggs and omelets cooked to order any style and an all-you-can-eat buffet, $10.95.

Drink up with specials on champagne mamacitas, margarita twisters, and Bloody Marias. Ends at 4:00 p.m.

Johnny Drago’s Kiss of the Vampire at Onstage Atlanta

Photo: Sony Pictures Television / Bob Mahoney.

Drop Dead Diva Marathon

8:00 p.m. Feel like staying in tonight? Lifetime is airing a mini-“marathon” of the very first 4 episodes of “Drop Dead Diva.” Viewers can catch up and see where it all began! Season 2 is out on DVD May 3, and all new episodes return in June as Season Three kicks off. Watch for lots of special guest stars this season.

The Great Urban Race

11:00 am - 5:00 pm at Sidebar, 79 Poplar St NW. The Great Urban Race is a wild urban adventure. Teams solve twelve clues and complete exciting mental and physical challenges while discovering the city in a fresh way! The price is $55.00 - $65.00. To sign up and for more details go to www.greaturbanrace.com or call (404) 588-1850.

5:00 p.m. The Process Theatre Company presents Johnny Drago’s Kiss of the Vampire. Arthur and Vince are the perfect gay couple. There’s just one tiny little problem: Vince has been bitten by a Vampire Bat, and Arthur only has days to save him from transforming into one of the undead. Onstage Atlanta is located at 2597 North Decatur Rd. NE. Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 5 p.m. through April 16. Tickets are $12 - $20. Adults $17 in advance and $20 at the door. $3 discount for students and seniors. Sundays are $14 in advance, $17 at the door. $3 discount for students and seniors. For tickets call 404.897.1802 or visit onstageatlanta.tix.com.

Armorettes Return to Burkhart’s

7:00 p.m. Join Atlanta’s camp drag queens as they return to Burkhart’s for a fun weekly show full of laughs and mayhem. The Armorettes have been premiere fundraisers for HIV/AIDS in the gay and lesbian community for years while providing the absolute best in camp drag entertainment. For more information, go to www.armorettes.com.

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April 11 (Mon) Dragamundo

8:00 p.m. Join Bubba Dee Licious and a cast of female impersonators over dinner as the former Dragamaki has moved from its old home at Nickiemoto’s to Las Margaritas, 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd., and is now called “Dragamundo.” Each Monday night, Bubba welcomes a new house, a new cast and a new concept, including special guests each week and, of course, more cha-cha-cha. Enjoy $2 Tacos.

Sashay, Shaunte!

9:00 p.m. Come watch this week’s episode of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” with Atlanta contestant #1 Phoenix at Blake’s On the Park. Or head over to Einstein’s on Juniper to watch with Atlanta contestant #2 Mariah Balenciaga. Either way, you are bound to have a fun time. This is a weekly event during this season of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” on Logo.

April 12 (Tues) Atlanta Philharmonic Rehearsal

7:30 p.m. The Atlanta Philharmonic Orchestra, an LGBT friendly community orchestra, is always seeking new players to fill out sections, and you are invited. They are looking for string—especially violin and double bass—trombone players, as well as percussionists. No audition is required. However, they do play some challenging pieces, and therefore a minimum of high school experience is preferred. For more information, go to www.atlantaphilarmonic.org.

Fishbowls and Glee

8:00 p.m. Glee is back! Come watch Sue Sylvester, Rachel, Finn, Mr. Shuster and the gang on 21 screens at Amsterdam, 502-A Amsterdam Ave., near Piedmont Park. Friendly, neighborhood atmosphere with great drink specials including Amsterdam fish bowls. Draft specials all day long. Stick around after the show for music videos with VJ Vaughn.

April 13 (Wed) Birdcage Bingo with Ruby Redd

8:00 p.m. at Mellow Mushroom, 931 Monroe Ave. Bingo fun with a Mellow twist hosted by Ruby Redd. Bingo is free to play and dollars raised support CHRIS Kids charity. Fun categories and prizes. Get there early for a good seat.

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Sunday Brunch @ Las Margaritas

Photos by Cameron Star

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We’ll Miss You, Liz!

S

ad news often comes in waves. Watching the amazing video footage and reading about the devastation in Japan has been heartbreaking.

Then the news broke March 23 that the legendary Elizabeth Taylor died of congestive heart failure at age 79 after suffering for years with several life-threatening illnesses.

It was the first time I ever found out about a death on Twitter. People were Tweeting for days, updating their statuses with tributes to Liz, and even changing their Facebook profile pics to pictures of Liz. While her death doesn’t compare in magnitude to what happened in Japan, fans across the world, gay and straight, are mourning the loss of such a larger-than-life film and pop culture icon.

“My mother was an extraordinary woman who lived life to the fullest, with passion, humor and love,” said her son, Michael Wilding, in a statement. “We know simply that the world is a better place for Mom to have lived in it. Her legacy will never fade, her spirit will always be with us and her love will live forever in our hearts.”

I first became a fan of Liz in high school, when I studied Tennessee Williams’ Cat on a Hot Tin Roof in English class. My teacher let us watch the film version starring Liz as Maggie the Cat. Watching her sassy way of purring and strutting across the screen made me fall for her instantly. I’ve loved her films all my life, especially Blue Velvet and The Taming of The Shrew.

Although she is famous for her work as an Academy Award-winning actress, she had many other very public roles: businesswoman (perfume, fine jewelry and clothing), sex symbol, social activist, 44 davidatlanta

By Jesse A. Hancock

entrepreneur, friend of Michael Jackson, mother, grandmother, and wife of many husbands. She is survived by 10 grandchildren and four greatgrandchildren. On May 16, 2000, in a ceremony held at Buckingham Palace, Taylor was even named a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire by Queen Elizabeth II. At the time of her death it was believed she was worth between $600 million and $1 billion.

She began her long acting career as a child star in her first motion picture at age nine in There’s One Born Every Minute (1942). She went on to star in films and television for almost fifty years. Taylor is considered one of the great screen actresses of Hollywood’s Golden Age. The American Film Institute named her seventh on its Female Legends list. She won two Academy Awards for Best Actress for her performances in Butterfield 8 in 1960 and for Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? in 1966.

For Liz, there was no escaping the watchful public eye over her eight marriages to seven husbands. She was married to Eddie Fisher, Richard Burton, and Larry Fortensky, to name a few. When asked why she married so many times, she often replied, “I don’t know, honey. It sure beats the hell out of me.”

Taylor, who converted from Christian Science to Judaism at age 27, was buried in a private Jewish ceremony in Glendale, California. At her request, like a true diva, the funeral began 15 minutes after it was scheduled to begin.

Her representative told the media, “She even wanted to be late for her own funeral.”

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Monday Mayhem!

Mondays at 8pm. No Cover Charge!

• Drag Show featuring contestants of Ru Paul’s Drag Race!

• 9pm Screening of Ru Paul’s Drag Race with the contestants!

• DJ McCracken! • Food and Absolut drink specials Sponsored By • As always, free valet parking!

• Double loyalty points

Mariah Season 3 Brent Star Mr. Entertainer Nicole Paige Brooks Season 2

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1077 Juniper St. Atlanta, GA 30309 404.876.7925 einsteinsatlanta.com

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LUSH @ Blushing Blooms by Brennan

Photos by Stephaney Hise

Horoscopes Aries Don’t just say the first thing that comes to mind — you need to be sure you have everything down pat before moving forward. Your friends may look to you for leadership right now — and you’re more than happy to oblige.

SAGITTARIUS Make sure you don’t get too hung up on old ideas this week— it’ll be hard to detach from formerly held beliefs. You’ll need to adapt to new styles quickly, especially as the week goes on and the need for flexibility increases.

TAURUS You’re feeling more social than you have in a while, and you’re making new connections with ease. By the time middle of next week, though, you may start to get a few hints of overload, so take it easy.

CAPRICORN You can only do so much about it at the moment, but you should recognize when you’re projecting an image that doesn’t match the real you. Start finding ways to let out your true self. It’ll be absolutely liberating!

GEMINI You feel great right now, and you should be able to have a good time doing almost anything. Something to do with money or possessions will start to get a little worrisome though by the end of the week.

AQUARIUS Don’t let anyone distract you from the big ideas coming your way right now You’ll have a flash of inspiration that points you toward a new depth of philosophy — go ahead and forge your own path. Others won’t be able to catch up.

CANCER Stick to your guns, and don’t let anyone convince you that your ideals can be set aside. If you do, you’ll charm that one hottie with such fierceness that you may end up with a new love connection.

PISCES You’re totally thinking about your friends and family — and what they think of you.

You’ll need to take care of a few things if you want to maintain your standing and keep your culture vibrant.

Leo You may feel kind of jerked around romantically, but things will smooth out eventually. Sometime this week, however, things will take a strange turn and you may not want to go forward.

VIRGO Don’t believe a word anyone says this week, especially if their talk sounds like the truth. By the time this next week rolls around, your determination to get the facts straight will pay off in a big way.

LIBRA You’re still riding high from the craziness of the past few days, but eventually you’ll be forced to recognize that someone close to you needs your help. Figure out what’s really going on, then step up and offer it.

SCORPIO Don’t get distracted by anything until next week, or you’ll spin into a very strange place that’ll be hard to get out of. If you stay on track, you’ll be exactly where you want to be by then.

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Pool Boy

By Jorge Treviano Are there ever nights that you’re home alone wondering if the phone will ring?

No, I have the opposite problem. Some nights I have to turn my phone off completely just to get some time to myself.

Would you date another porn star?

I would never say never, but I prefer to date outside of the industry. I like to keep my love life personal and out of the public eye.

Are you dating anyone right now?

Yes, I have an amazing person in my life that I love very much.

What’s the best thing about being Travis James?

All of the amazing people I have gotten to meet and all of the fun things I get to do with the sexy guys of Randy Blue.

What’s the worst?

The worst is being recognized while I’m with my family. I am very close with my family, but they don’t know what I do yet. Hi Mom!

W

hen we asked Travis James where he would like to be shot for his latest photo spread, he suggested poolside.

“It’s been such a long winter,” he said.

“I’m ready for sun!”

On location, it didn’t take much coaxing for Travis to strip down to his itsy-bitsy bikini. “I used to be kinda shy,” he admits, “but I have no inhibitions now.”

With a body like his – plus, the fact that he is one of Randy Blue’s most popular film stars - you wouldn’t think he’d have inhibitions. But he says it took him some time to build up the courage to shoot his first film. “I thought about it for a while. It was something I always wanted to do but never thought I actually could go through with it.”

He says he likely wouldn’t have approached Randy Blue himself. It all came about at a chance encounter.

“I happened to walking around West Hollywood with a friend when we ran into Randy on the street. My friend and Randy started kidding about me being in his films.

I said I might be interested. Randy asked me to take off my shirt right then and there. We were in the middle of the street with tons of shoppers around. But I whipped it off and Randy offered me the job.”

“It was the start of a fun new career that mixes work

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We see a lot of Travis on film, but can you tell us about the Travis we don’t see? with play!”

What do you like best about L.A.?

Do you prefer pool or beach?

I really like both. I grew up by the beach and I love surfing and beach volleyball. I also enjoy lounging by the pool with friends or at a hot naked pool party.

I really like all the opportunities there are in Los Angeles. There are so many things to do and experience here that you can’t do anywhere else.

What are you most looking forward to this summer?

Exactly. But Randy Blue is not all I do. It’s just one of many opportunities that have opened up for me here.

Probably traveling. I love to travel, and hope to take a few trips this summer. Maybe attend a few gay pride festivals.

What kind of protection do you use when you are out frolicking in the sun?

I like to us Coppertone spray-on. It also works well as lube if you’re in a pinch.

Do you tan well?

I tan fairly well. I usually prefer to get a base tan indoors before I tan outside.

You sure wear a bikini well!

I usually prefer a square cut, or nothing at all. There just aren’t enough nude beaches where I live.

Are you a native Los Angelino?

I was born in Atlanta, GA. But I grew up in Southern California.

Like Randy Blue?

Have you always been uninhibited?

Not at all. I would say I used to be more reserved and conservative publicly. I have no inhibitions now though (laughs).

Have you ever been caught in a tricky spot with your pants down?

A few weeks ago, I was dancing at a club and my best friend Brandon Wilde started giving me a blowjob on the dance floor. The straight club owner was not at all happy with us. I guess public sex can get the club in trouble.

Is it tough to live up to the fantasy people have about your adult persona?

I’m actually surprisingly a lot like my adult persona.

I love living in the fast lane and I’ve gotten used to paying the consequences.

My sex life off camera is even hotter and wilder than my sex on camera!

Where do you hope to be in five years?

I hope to be working behind the camera someday. I have a passion for photography.

Maybe you should try shooting some of the other Randy Blue boys.

That could be fun.

Are you close with any of them?

I am friends with lots of the Randy Blue guys. Some are even like family to me.

Do you guys hang out off set?

All the time. I also love taking the out-of-town guys out when they come to visit Los Angeles for shoots.

Speaking of shoots, do you have any new ones coming up?

I have a lot! I’m about to shoot a scene with Andrew Stark that I can’t wait for. I’m also slated for a few more. Let’s just say, this is going to be the summer of lovin’ for me!

See more of Travis RandyBlue.com.

at

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1/2 Price Appetizers 11am-8pm-Blake’s Wild Card Show-11pm

Family Poker 7:30pm

TUESDAY

Karaoke Idol 11:30PM

FEATHERS & FLESH BURLESQUE REVUE 11pm

Intermediate 2 Step @ 8-9

WEDNESDAY Dance Lessons @ 8-9 Ladies Night

THURSDAY

Sugar Baby’s Trailer Park Revue-10pm

FRIDAY

Dance Lessons @ 8-9

SATURDAY

MONDAY

Drag On The Edge Show 11pm Karaoke 11:30PM

3 LEGGED COWBOY BLAKE’S Karaoke Idol 11:30PM

Karaoke with Brett & Tyler 10pm

“Total Request” with Angelica D’Paige!

11:30PM Got Leche? 10pm - Hot Latino Dancers Club Nights-DJ Dance Party

Bartenders Serve it up!

HOT NIGHTS With Jasen Happy Time With Daniel and Donnie and Terry

“P.O.P.!” hosted by Princess Charles!

11:30PM

Club Nights-DJ Dance Party

Karaoke with Brett & Tyler 10pm Open @ Noon with Bob Brewer

CJ Hosting Mary-Oke @ 10pm

DJ Yes Sir Spins Rock 9pm

Karaoke 8pm

Themed Parties Reto DJ’s

Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30PM

Poker Night 9pm

Open 5pm - Boys Room Party - Themed Party Love DJ

Free Tacos! All The Fixins! 3:30 pm to gone!

Dance Party Hot Mess 9PM Differnt DJ Every Week

Dragnique Talent Search Competition. Doors Open Special Guest DJs Dance 9:30pm. Dance Party Party Follows

Boys Night OutNight Hot Mandatory Dress Code AZUCA-Latin Guest DJs-Dance Special Guest DJs-Dance Beats with DJ SpecialParty Party Or Go Shirtless-DJ Latin Tribal 10pm Party 10pm Karlitos 10pm Lydia Prim 10pm

3D Thursdays Disco & Dazzle with Diva Jasen

80s Music with Travis- Karaoke with Mikey-Tim’s Tim’s Black Jack Black Jack

“The Fashionistas” hosted

by Princess Charles!

11:30PM

Texas Hold’Em Poker Meow Mix Jealouse’s Daring Divas 7pm-The Shawnna Factor Kitty LeClaw’s Show 11pm Show 11pm Show 11pm

BURKHART’S

Smirnoff Martini Night

Rock Music-Free Pool with Tony

Free Pool Let’s Make A Deal

Comedy TV-Free Pool with Tony

FELIX’S Afternoons with Jasen 2pm

Time Warp 70s 80s 90s Music with Paul-Dance Floor Open 10pm

THE EAGLE

FRIENDS ON PONCE S.I.N. Night with Brian Dance Floor Open 10pm

Drag Races

HERETIC Stars of the Century Show 11pm

EINSTEIN’S

JUNGLE

Open 5pm - DJ Va Jay Jay Spins

Robert & Michael serve up their Best!

Dragamundo (formerly LAS Dragamaki) with Bubba D. Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30pm Licious and guests MARGARITAS

MARY’S

Karaoke 9PM

Open 6:30pm - $10

Always a Party! Wyatt, Gary & Elvis serve up their Best!

Open 6:30pm - $10 - Hot Naked Men and Big Cocktails

Service Industry Night!

Discounted Drinks!

Show Tunes & Glee 8pm 2-4-1 Door & 2-4-1 VIP Room

Cookout 2pm

2-4-1 VIP Room

MODEL T OSCAR’S

$5 Cover After Midnight

Show Dance Party Karaoke with Darlene 9pm Laser with DJ Steve Lynch

SWINGING RICHARDS TRIPP’S BAR

Chris Coleman Presents “Indulge” 9pm-Midnight

Taco Buffet 5pm

MIDTOWN W

SUNDAY

Sunday Brunch 12-3-DJ’s Bill Berdeaux & Daryl Cox Spin All Night 7 PM “The Armorette’s”!

9:30 PM “The Dreams” with Shavonna B. Brooks!

Bloody Mary & Mimosa Wallet Pleasers

All You Can Eat Brunch 11AM-3PM

Sunday Dinner 3pm

Complimentary Buffet 3pm-Karaoke 7pm

55 davidatlanta *See Guide on Page 62 for Locations 54 davidatlanta

LA CHAPARRAL

Bartab Nightlife Guide

Gay Atlanta Guide

1. Amsterdam 502 Amsterdam Ave. 404-892-2227 myspace.com/amsterdamatlanta

22. Model-T 699 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-872-2209 www.modeltatlanta.com

2. Bellissima 560-B Amsterdam Ave. 404-917-0220 myspace.com/bellissima_lounge

23. My Sisters Room 1271 Glenwood Ave. SE 678-705-4585

3. Blake’s on the Park 227 10th St. 404-892-5786 myspace.com/blakesonthepark 4. BJ Roosters 2345 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-634-5895 www.bjroostersatl.com 5. Bulldogs 893 Peachtree St. 404-872-3025 6. Burkhart’s 1492-F Piedmont Rd. 404-872-4403 www.burkharts.com 7. Chaparral 2715 Buford Hwy. www.chaparralalternative.com 9. Club Opera 1150-B Crescent Ave. 404-872-1150 www.operaatlanta.com 10. Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-873-2453 www.atlantaeagle.com 11. Felix’s 1510-G Piedmont Rd. 404-249-7899

25. Opus 1 1086 Alco St. 404-634-6478 26. Oscar’s 1510-C Piedmont Ave N.E. www.oscarsatlanta.com

28. 3 Legged Cowboy 931 Monroe Dr. 404-876-0001 www.3leggedcowboy.net 29. Tripps 1931 Piedmont Cir. 404-724-0067 30. Woofs 2425 Piedmont Rd. 404-869-9422 www.woofsatlanta.com 31. 91 91 Broad Street SW 404.581.0577 www.91below.com GYMS/SPAS/BATHS 32. FLEX 76 - 4th St. NW 404-815-0456

13. Gilbert’s 219 10th St. 404-872-8012 www.gilbertscafe.com

33. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd. NW 404-486-0506

15.HOBNOB 1551 Piedmont Ave. 404-968-2288 16. Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St. 404-875-6634 www.joesatlanta.com 17. Jungle 2115 Faulkner Rd. 404-844-8800 jungleclubatlanta.com 18. LeBuzz 585 Franklin Rd. (Marietta) 770-424-1337 www.thenewlebuzz.com 19. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-873-4464 www.lasmargaritasatl.com

A. Atlanta Botanical Gardens B. Atlanta History Center C. Atlantic Station D. Centennial Olympic Park E. CNN - Atlanta F. Fox Theater G. Georgia Aquarium H. Georgia State Capitol I. High Museum of Art J. Margaret Mitchell House K. The Atlanta Opera and The Atlanta Ballet L. The Atlanta Symphony Orchestra M. Virginia-Highlands N. World of Coca-Cola O. Zoo Atlanta

27. Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr. 404-352-0532 www.swingingrichards.com

12. Friends On Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-817-3820 www.friendsonponce-atl.com

14. Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-325-3061 www.hereticatlanta.com

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24. New Order 1544 Piedmont Rd. 404-874-8247

Atlanta Tourist Spots

34. Workout Anytime 2140 Peachtree Rd. 404-351-3264 RETAIL/BOOKS/DVDS 36. Brushstrokes/Capulets 1510 Piedmont Ave. 404-876-6567 37. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Rd. 404.873.2264 www.boynextdoor.biz 38. Outwrite Bookstore & Cafe 991 Piedmont Ave. 404-607-0082 39. Poster Hut 2175 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-636-7491 10. Rawhide Leather under The Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce de Leon Ave NE 404-881-0031 PRIVATE SOCIAL CLUBS

20. Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave. 404-624-4411 www.marysatlanta.com

40. Eros 2219 Faulkner Rd. 404-287-4482

21. Mixx 1492 Piedmont Rd. 404-228-4372

41. Manifest 2103 Faulkner Rd. 404-549-2815

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MACON

KAOS 2780 Riverside Drive – 478-621-0662 www.kaosmacon.com SYNERGY 425 Cherry Street – 478-755-9383

SAVANNAH

BLAINE’S 13 East Perry Street-912-233-6765 www.blainesbar.com CHUCK’S BAR 305 West River Street-912-232-1005 CLUB ONE 1 Jefferson Street-912-232-0200 www.clubone-online.com UNADILLA The Lumberyard @ Lumberjacks Resort 50 Highway 230-1-877-888-1688 www.lumberjackscampground.com

TENNESSEE

CLUB ARGOS 1923 WaltonWay-706-481-8829www.clubargos.net THE FILLING STATION @ The Parliament Resort 1258 Gordon Highway-706-828-7400 www.gayaugusta.com/thefillingstation

CHATTANOOGA IMAGES 6005 Lee Highway-423-855-8210 www.mirage-complex.com CHUCK’S 27 W. Main Street- 423-265-5405 ALLAN GOLD’S 1100 McCallie Avenue-423-629-8080f

AL ABAMA

AUGUSTA

BIRMINGHAM THE QUEST 416 24th Street South-205-251-4313 www.the-quest-club.com OUR PLACE 2115 8th Avenue S. 205-715-0077 JOE’S ON SEVENTH 2627 7th Avenue South- 205-321-2812 www.joesonseventh.com

DOTHAN

CLUB IMAGINATION 4129 Ross Clark Circle 334-792-6555

MONTGOMERY

CLUB 322 322 N. Lawrence Street - 334-263-4322

COCKPIT

the

G EO R G I A

Out of Town Directory

A T L A N T A

OPENING APRIL 2011 A speak-easy bar for men seeking men & scruffy good times.

Grant Park | East Atlanta 465 Boulevard SE

Want more info stud? thecockpit–atlanta.blogspot.com Friend us on FaceBook Search, “cockpit atlanta”

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Atlanta A to Z

By David C. Muller

Heidi is another lesbian. Heidi is big, that is to say she is fat, she’s also hairy and she has a tattoo on

EPISODE FORTY-TWO:

her arm: “I

R is for Recap

Once upon a time Luke went to a palm reader in Gwinnett County.

The palm reader told him, “You must move to Atlanta, Luke, for you will find love there.”

L

Mr. Pencil, fueled with rage and jealousy, then made a call to the bayou of Louisiana and he summoned a mysterious character to Georgia.

Vesuvius St. Rene arrived in Atlanta and, after a four-episode story-arc; he revealed his true nature on 62 davidatlanta

Halloween:

“Luke,” he said, “I am a vampire.”

Despite a lust for red blood and white sperm, Vesuvius St. Rene professed an unearthly love for Luke. Later, he turned into a bat and flew back to the bayou of Louisiana to feast on rats and various forms of white trailer trash.

Luke then had sex with an Indian doctor named Ray Raji Rama Pushkar Gopal. After that, he got drunk with some Marines and met an old guy called Dick Zucker just in time for Chanukah. Luke isn’t Jewish but he dated a Jew named Zack back in December. Fast forward to February of this year and Luke meets seven new characters: lesbians, all of them!

Like most of you dear readers; Luke found it a challenge to keep track of all these dykes: there was Natalie, his next door neighbor, and Melanie the MuffDiver; there’s Ping Pong the Chinese lesbian who, until now, has had only one single line of dialogue she repeats over and over again:

k.d.”

Heidi was recently dumped by a girlfriend who, for the record, is tall, svelte and blond.

In a recent episode, this tall svelte blond decried her lesbian behavior claiming “confusion” and a sudden desire for “penis.” Melanie, a proud lesbian, declared a desire to meddle in the lesbian affairs of her lesbian friends and, along with Shaquifah, Consuela, PingPong, Natalie and Luke, Melanie tried to bring Heidi and the tall, svelte blond back together but her plan failed; the tall, svelte blond once again rejected the overweight advances of Heidi. Heidi became enraged and jealous and, last week, she secretly stalked this ex-girlfriend with passion and aplomb.

Tune in next week for a new installment of ‘DYKE vs. DYKE’ in EPISODE FORTY-THREE: “S is for Shaquifah”

“ATLANTA A to Z” would LOVE to hear from you! QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS: We welcome your feedback!

Send us an email at: AtlantaAtoZ@DavidAtlanta.com

Suzette is that tall, svelte blond. For some reason, Suzette had been Heidi’s lesbian girlfriend until Suzette dumped Heidi in front of a whole party of friends back in Episode 36. Suzette continues to insist that she is no longer a lesbian. Heidi, in the meantime, has vowed to win Suzette back:

uke is the hapless hero of this series and he moved back to Atlanta in June of last year. Luke lives a fantastic, high-ceilinged apartment in a large erection of glass on the corner of Peachtree and a street named with a number and, in the time since his triumphant return to Midtown, Luke has gone on many dates: he’s dated both attitude and arrogance; he dated a Boy from ‘Bama, an Korean guy in Kennesaw, couple of Latinos and a drag queen called “Enigma.” Luke met his best friend Gregory online, they went out on a few dates, they had sex and, this past summer, they traveled together down to Gulfport, Mississippi, to help clean up after the BP oil spill. Shortly thereafter, Luke was kidnapped and it was Gregory, a UGA Geology student from Grant Park, who saved Luke from the evil clutches of Mr. Pencil, the rich, evil super-villain ignobly obsessed with our hapless hero.

“Ni-hao.”

“If I can’t have Suzette then no one can!”

Meanwhile, in the Fulton County Women’s Prison, a large manly guard named Norma stepped up to a cell and said: “Shaquifah Beauregard? Please identify yourself to me.”

Shaquifah, the black lesbian, raised her fist in defiance, “Say what, white bitch?”

“Come on now,” Norma took out a set of keys. “You’re up next.”

Shaquifah, the black lesbian, was arrested and taken into federal custody about a month ago. She was later arraigned on federal charges of violating national immigration laws when the American government accused Shaquifah of illegally obtaining a green card for Consuela, the Mexican lesbian.

Consuela was also arrested and taken away to jail but since immigration is such a hot button issue, we’re not going to focus on the Mexican lesbian. Instead, in the here and now of this particular episode, Shaquifah came upon the bars of her confinement and asked:

“Where the f*ck you takin’ me, white girl?”

“Don’t call me ‘white girl’ no more!”

Norma snapped at the dyke, “You’re goin’ up to have your day in court.”

“Thank f*cking God! It’s about damn time.” Shaquifah nodded, “I sure been waitin’ a real long time for this!”

Norma wore pressed khakis and nodded her head in agreement, “You’re telling me.” davidatlanta 63

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Protect Your Monster

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By Richard Marshall

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Bitch Session The next time you and your fag hag are at a A country version of “Born this busy restaurant and you’re done eating and Way?” What is Gaga thinking? can clearly see others are waiting for a table, You are obsessed about getting fat or get the F up and leave already! not wearing the best designer clothes.

I find nerds hot. At least I know they are after more than just a one-time thing.

WTF is up with all the texting and yammering at the gym?

If you don’t like my Facebook updates, you don’t have to read them. Stay off Facebook or STFU! How is it that some members of certain gay gym can afford to drive up in their Beamers but wear the same gym clothes every day?

Hey slobs who piss all over the toilet seats at bars: do you act like that at home?

Life could be a lot worse. Look at the poor people suffering in Japan.

A night out can only mean one of three things: comedy, drama, or tragedy. Why not just stay in and watch a movie?

Sticking your tongue in my mouth is not all it takes for French kissing. Learn how to kiss!

I don’t care what you do for a living. If I’m not attracted to you, you’re not getting any.

To the young guys bitching about older guys in bars, just wait. You’ll be in your 40s someday.

I am in love again. Be gone old, mean, fat exI think we all need to remember those partner! Love and kisses! undeniable words of advice: Maybe he’s just Why are there so many bipolar gay men?

Take your meds and stop all the drama.

Being 18, broke, and in the suburbs stinks!

To the closeted wannabes online at 3 a.m. looking for booty calls: We don’t have time for straight guys who act gay until right after they climax.

If you’re so hot, why do you need two retail jobs to support your career as a stripper?

not that into you.

If I wanted a woman I’d be straight. How can anyone find a femmed out twink sexy?

I will listen to your whining when you learn to act like a human being.

Gotta Bitch?

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