Easter Drag Races with
The Armorettes!
April 20, 2011
Issue 640
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Blake’s
Photos by Kristin Malone
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The Brent Star Report The
Armorettes
W
Easter Drag Races Part 2
hat’s REALLY going on? Lately, I keep running into those damn Armorettes, old and current! First, the hilarious Bubba D. Licious, when I went to support the charity Bingo night (for P.A.L.S.) that she hosts at the Jungle every 2nd Wednesday. Then on Sunday, I worked with the outrageous Mary Edith Pitts at the Cowtippers’ brunch show, and later that same evening, and for the FIRST time, I performed with the current Armorettes at Burkharts. The two that I interviewed last article were there, Vivian Valium and Trashetta Galore (who laughs at everything…if she’s reading this, I guarantee she’s laughing…but I LOVE that about her, she’s like HAPPY from one of the 7 Dwarfs, only she’s a LONG way from being a dwarf honey). The other Armorettes performing this night were Sofonda Cox and new comer Alley Q. Al Yankadic. While co hosting with Amber, I mentioned to her onstage that she lost a lot of weight, in which she quickly responded with “Yep, and it all went to Knomie Moore” who just happened to be in the crowd honoring that statement with her middle finger. After the show, I decided to interview her and Amber. Me: So when did you two become Armorettes?
Amber: In 1992. I saw a few of their shows and wanted to be apart of them because of the way they gave back to the community. I auditioned thinking ‘they won’t take me’ b/c I didn’t know a whole lot of ppl in the bar industry with the exception of the immediate connection I had with Nurse Holly. For my audition, I did a very campy woman with big horn rimmed glasses, big hair, buck teeth, freckles, and a big beard. My song was ‘Looking for Love’. For my props, I had a rope, handcuffs (“in case I found ‘love’ in the audience”) , a butterfly net, binoculars, and a map of Piedmont Park. It wasn’t until the next day, while at work cutting a client’s hair, that I got a call “You’re in!”. I screamed. Brent: I bet the person getting their hair cut screamed too!
Knomie: In 1999. It was hell! I had to audition 3 times before I got in! The first time was horrible! In my mind, my routine was fabulous and great, but once I got on stage, not so much. I was determined to get in though once I realized they weren’t doing this just for shits and giggles, but to raise money for HIV/AIDS, When I went back for my 3rd audition, everyone pretty much knew me by then, in fact most of the Armorettes threaten to quit if I wasn’t voted in. Shenita Quit was the first to tell me “Welcome Sister”. I did Bette Midlers’ “I’m beautiful”. Brent: What are you known for and what’s your 14 davidatlanta
signature song?
Amber: Back in the days at the Armory, I was known for doing impressions of the famous Divine. I dressed liked her and looked liked her. When we moved over to Burkharts, I became known for doing mostly Broadway tunes. Pop music is ok, but the show tunes is what I connect to the most. My signature number would have to be my HAIRSPRAY number.
Knomie: EVERYONE loves to see me chug down a beer as they all yell “Chug! Chug! Chug!” and when I co emcee with Wild Cherry Sucret. My signature song is definitely the ROCKY TOP song! .
Brent: The famous Easter Drag Races will be back in Burkkhart’s parking lot this year, so what’s your favorite Easter Drag Races moment?
Amber: I remember when Maxi Pad, an Armorette who, God rest her soul, was 5’5, looked like Truman Capote but with a deep voice-, was walking across Bulldogs parking lot on her way to the Armory for the drag races wearing a blue dress and blue bonnet hat when someone tried to rob her! She said “Oh no gurl, you ain’t getting my bag” so she reached in it as if to grab her wallet but instead pulled out some mace and sprayed him good! Meanwhile, while he was rolling on the ground with his eyes all bucked, she stepped right over him, turn back and said “Isn’t everything better with a little Blue Bonnet on it?”. And continued on to the Armory. Lol! Knomie: My very first Easter Drag Races is where the “chug chug chug” come from. I was doing a number, and for a prop gag, I pulled out a beer out of my pocket book and when I started to drink it, the crowd started screaming “chug, chug, chug!” ...and 5000 beers later, they still yell it. Well, thanks ladies. I’ll see you all at the Easter Drag Races, Sunday 24th in Burkharts parking lot. It’s going to be crazy! Until next week, don’t read the girls, instead read The Brent Star Report! Where to catch Brent Star: Mondays at Einsteins (with RuPaul’s contestants Nicole Paige Brooks of season 2 and Mariah Paris Balenciaga of season 3), Saturdays at Tijuana Garage and a few times a month on Thursdays and Sundays at Burkharts and everywhere else that pays! w w w. f a c e b o o k . c o m / Mr.BrentStar
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Burkhart’s
Photos by Kristin Malone Photos by Kristin Malone
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my pocket with my cash,” she cries. “I let him go!”
“Um, I’m trying to interview the drummer of HOLE,” I mumble.
The Sluuuuuuurp
Hi, I’m Anthony Paull. I’m punk rock, and I’m with the press, but dear God, I’m not supposed to take a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal’s crotch at the SXSW press conference for Source Code. Well…actually, I’m given two minutes to take Jake’s pic, but I need to keep the camera at eye level. After all, that’s most professional, and I wouldn’t want to blur any boundaries. Not like that brave, yet tacky, press member who followed Jake into the bathroom to photograph his penis. Why, that foul man, he ended up a TMZ ‘star’, rolling in gold. And I ended up…here.
Hi, I have no money. Last year, I broke up with boyfriend, the love of my life, because I wanted to make it on my own, but I never could figure out the right method, at least financially. So a year later, through a series of twists and turns, we ended up back together, and I’m still broke. But hey, at least I have my ethics. However, my crew – let’s just say they’re lacking in that department, particularly when it comes to meeting Jake. For instance, take my camera girl, Jessica. For some reason, she wants to snap a picture of Jake with some paper doll called Flat Stanley. And my assistant, Skip…well, I’d rather not know what he wants because he keeps making strange sucking sounds, particularly when eyeballing Jake at the conference. “Can I ask Jake a question? Please?” Skip asks me. “That depends. What’s the question?” “Sluuuuuuurp.”
“That’s not a question.” “It could be.”
Such statements are why I no longer allow my crew to drink before a work obligation. You see, it’s never good to mix celebrities and cheap vodka. But I suppose, these are things one can only learn through trial an error, after suffering the fate of having an assistant simulate oral sex during a press conference.
“Skip, I need you to listen to me. We’re working,” I explain. “I’m serious. You can’t proposition the celebrities.” Overhearing, Jessica begins tee-heeing. “I think it’s funny.” Taking the Flat Stanley doll from her purse, she dances him on her knee. “Do you think I should ask Jake if he likes to play with dolls?” “Not if you like your job.”
“Why? Celebrities love Flat Stanley. He’s an A-Lister,” she sings. And sadly, she’s right. Whether at SXSW or Sundance, that stupid doll has been in more pics than me. But that’s ok because I’m supposed to be ‘working’.
So I’m off, interviewing celebrities, musicians, and directors while Jessica returns to the hotel, held up by a hangover. A Starbucks trip later, she phones to tell me she accidentally gave Flat Stanley to a homeless man, who was asking for money. “He was folded in 20 davidatlanta
“Oh, get over yourself. THIS is more important!”
Hence, an hour later, we join together, along with Skip, to scour the streets for the man who has Flat Stanley. Of course, he’s nowhere to be found, resulting in a meltdown for Jessica, who can only be aided by, well…more vodka. Yes, I know; I don’t learn from my mistakes. I’m supposed to be working, figuring out a way to make a living as a full-time writer, and here I am, drinking in a bar with Jessica and Skip until 2 am, when we hitch a cab to the hotel with some drunken stranger, who squeezes in between Skip and me in the back seat. Soon, I hear whispers as the strange man reaches for Skip’s hand. Offended, Skip groans loudly. “What’s going on back there?” Jessica asks, seated up front. “Skip’s a fucking queer! Skip’s a fucking queen!” the drunken guy yells. “Now, that’s not very nice,” Jessica replies.
“Well, Skip wasn’t very nice to me. I offered him many things!” “Sorry, but I don’t think my boyfriend Jake would appreciate such things,” Skip states. “Oh yeah? Well, my boyfriend would appreciate them either!” the drunken guy exclaims.
To which, I start groaning, because none of this is making sense – my life, my career, this ‘cab ride’ conversation, steering out of control.
Dear God, where am I heading? With my writing, I’m beginning to feel like I’m typing in circles, forever on the verge of making it, but never quite making it enough. I have one novel on the shelf, and one that I have to completely rewrite. When will I be taken seriously? When will I take myself seriously? I’m running out of time. My fellow writers, they’re racing around the festival, discovering the latest film, the latest star, and I’m blacking out at the hotel. Why did this happen? “Well, there’s no question about it. Flat Stanley is gone,” Jessica says. Back at the hotel, she turns out the light and flips on her stomach to sleep. “I lost him.” “Yeah, and I lost half my chances to work the red carpet,” I sigh. “Hey, at least you found a story,” she says. “Who cares about the red carpet? Your readers don’t give a crap. They want to hear about you.” “Yeah, you and Jake’s penis,” Skip adds.
And falling asleep, I can’t help but laugh, thinking it might be a blessing to feel ‘sucky’ about where I am in life, because sometimes, the best of times happen when you’re drowning in it. You just have to learn how to enjoy the sluuuuuuurp.
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Dragnique @ Jungle
Photos by Kristin Malone
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Start Your Engines
Easter Drag Races Return By Jesse A. Hancock
E
aster Sunday is almost here, and the annual drag races are back. While many locals enjoy the day with Easter egg hunts, baskets of candy, home-cooked dinners and family time, others in Midtown like to celebrate with The Armorettes, the Infamous Camp Drag Queens of the South. This event has been a crowd pleaser for more than 20 years. “It’s one of our biggest events of the year,” said Nurse Holly, an Armorette since 1990. “We want people to come out, have a good time and bring their cameras. They can get their picture taken with a drag queen and use it on Facebook and Christmas cards. We love it!” Past attendees know that one way to truly enjoy the day is to get as creative as possible with your outfits and headgear. “There are prizes for the best Easter bonnets,” said Nurse Holly, also known as “Sid” when not in drag. “It’s such an easy way for people to participate and be as campy or dramatic as they want to be. Lord knows there are plenty of fabric and craft stores around town. When it comes to the bonnets, the bigger the better. In the past people have shown up with really elaborate bonnets, full of Barbie and Ken dolls and stuff. Some people just go out and get church lady hats and plop them on their heads. That’s fine, too. The more people who participate on some level, the more fun it is overall.” The Armorettes have been going strong for 30 years. At times there have been as few as five and as many as 18 to 20 active members. There are currently ten active members. “Not everyone performs every week,” said Nurse Holly. “That allows us to have a weekend off if we want. We’re doing five shows a month while we all are also working full time jobs.” The Armorettes have a remarkable list of accomplishments. According to Nurse Holly there have been 76 Armorettes total, including the current group. They estimate having performed over 1,700 shows and over 25,500 songs. They have donated over $1.8 million to 26 HIV and AIDS organizations, not all of which are in Atlanta. As a group they have performed in 26 cities across the U.S. and in Canada.
Easter Drag Races with The Armorettes Easter Sunday April 24, 2011 FREE Burkhart’s Parking Lot (weather permitting, inside if it rains) 4:00 p.m. until sunset, event sign-ups start around 3 p.m. David Magazine: For those who have never been to the Easter Drag Races with the Armorettes, what can they expect to see and do? Nurse Holly: Expect the unexpected. We always try to come up with new events. This year we have some old favorites and some new twists. For example, we have a drag queen Easter Egg hunt, musical chairs, and a new game called ‘tops and bottoms,’ which will surely be a lot of fun. We also have some great prizes. Businesses have donated prizes in years past such as meals at popular restaurants in Midtown, books, calendars, DVDs and CDs. Usually, the host bar gives us a bar tab for the winner of the drag race. We encourage people to bring friends along. It’s more fun to participate with someone you know in games that require partners, which could also increase your chances of winning prizes. If you come alone, you can be partnered with someone you don’t know, which can also be a fun way to make some new friends. David Magazine: What if it rains that day? Will the races be cancelled? Nurse Holly: No, we have plenty of back-up events that we can do indoors if it rains. In the past we’ve had to move it indoors, but some events don’t transfer well. One year we moved it indoors at Backstreet and did a jello toss, which wasn’t so smart. That mess was all over the floor. We do things like hula davidatlanta 27
Photography by Starr Petronella hoop contests. There are enough things we can indoors that still make it fun. It’s a little crowded, but people have fun with it. David Magazine: Is this event family friendly? Nurse Holly: Well, we have seen some people bring their kids, and we try to be conscious of that, especially if it’s outdoors. It’s different than coming to one of our regular bar shows. What happens inside is a little more risqué at times. We try to be aware of the community and want people to come have a good time, but at the same time we ARE The Armorettes. David Magazine: When and how did you become Nurse Holly? Nurse Holly: I was originally a volunteer for Aid Atlanta a long time ago. They were doing a Turn-About Show one year and asked me if I wanted to participate with The Armorettes. I said ‘sure,’ and they asked me what my drag name was. At the time I was teaching home health care for Aid Atlanta as a volunteer and wasn’t really known for my . . . compassion, haha. When we were doing the training, it was two nights a week in addition to working my full time job, and it was a grueling schedule. By week eight I was just ready for it to be over. One of my friends dubbed me ‘Nurse Holly’ one night, and it stuck. My friends just started calling me that, and it seems to fit. I went right out and bought a little nurse’s uniform, but I don’t always wear it when I perform. David Magazine: You’ve been with The Armorettes a long time. What special memories come to mind? 28 davidatlanta
Nurse Holly: I loved getting to perform with some of the original cast members, such as Marcella Fay, who was one of the sweetest guys. He was genuinely concerned about doing good work. He made me understand what it was really all about. While it was and still is fun and campy, we want to remind people why we’re here, to help people living with HIV and AIDS. I also loved working with Misty Waters, who was my drag mother. When you become an Armorette, you get a drag mother, someone who will take you out to buy pantyhose or makeup for the first time and give you tips. David Magazine: Why do you do this? Why do you like being an Armorette? Nurse Holly: At this point it’s in my blood. I can’t imagine not being involved. I’ve been with the group off and on since 1990. I work in the pharmaceutical industry, and there have been a few years in between when I had to take some time off to travel. I’ve always come back home to Atlanta and re-joined the group. It’s just that important to me. David Magazine: How does one become an Armorette? Nurse Holly: We have the annual Miss Barfly Pageant, one of the only camp pageants across the country. A lot of Armorettes are former Miss Barfly winners. We also hold try-outs. Some years we get one new Armorette, while other years we get three or four new performers. We also have an application and interview process. We are a pretty serious organization. We want people interested in being an Armorette to know that
while those four minutes onstage in hair and heels are important and key to what we do, there is also a lot more we do behind the scenes to help people living with HIV and AIDS. The performing part is easy. It’s a level of commitment that is really important. David Magazine: What are misconceptions of drag queens?
some
common
Nurse Holly: There is a misconception in general that the men are doing it because they want to be women. Maybe some do, but we are men in dresses. There might be some of us that are not as hard looking as others, but most of us look like we can take a punch. In the past there were more of us with facial hair. We have no illusions about who we are. We do something for a specific reason. We don’t mind getting in touch with our feminine side, and some of our alter egos come out. People also assume all drag queens are bitchy. Yes, there are some who are, but that isn’t always true. David Magazine: The Armorettes are back at Burkhart’s weekly. Why have you all moved around so much in the past few years? Nurse Holly: Well, we are a money-making charitable organization, and we have to go where the money is. People have their favorite bars, but fundraising is something they don’t always consider. What we are all about is getting money in that bucket for people living with HIV and AIDS. Adding that extra show each month at The Heretic has really helped us with our goals. Whether we raise $50 or $500 in one night that is money we didn’t have before. We performed at Backstreet and Burkhart’s for many years, and we
“There is a misconception, in general, about drag that the men are doing it because they want to be women. Maybe some do, but we are men in dresses. There might be some of us who are not as hard looking as others, but most of us look like we can take a punch.” -Nurse Holly spent the past year at Blake’s. All these bars have been very good to us. Since we rely on props a lot, some bars work better than others when performing. We don’t really have to look for places to perform. People are always inviting us to perform and giving us ideas about where we can go.
The Armorettes perform: Sundays at 7:00 p.m. Burkhart’s
Third Saturday Every Month at 8:00 p.m. at The Heretic Creative Direction-Torren Moore / Brennen Farlow Photography Assistant - Jeremy Barton
Photography by Starr Petronella davidatlanta 29
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Photos by Starr Petronella
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Giving Back
Bears Sing for the Children April 28, 2011 7:00 p.m.
Jungle Club, 2115 Faulkner Rd Benefit for CHRIS Kids
Tickets are now on sale at Boy Next Door and Brushstrokes $17 in advance, $20 at the door
C
ome join your host, Christina Paris, in a night of live music and comedy. “Bears Sing for the Children” will be one night only, April 28 at Jungle Club. Performers include Scott Free, Rock Cub, Gordon Michaels and Elijah Black. “I’ll be opening and hosting the show in drag as Christina Paris,” said Colby Jones, a volunteer for CHRIS Kids who said he has helped raise over $2,000 so far in a few other projects.
CHRIS Kids was founded in 1981 to bridge gaps in Georgia’s foster care system for children with emotional and mental health challenges. For thirty years this organization has helped Georgia children who would otherwise not have much hope, if any.
“This organization hit me hard,” said Jones. “When my parents found out I was gay in ninth grade, they sent me to a radical Christian counselor to try to cure me. I just said and did what he wanted to make him think I was straight. Then in my freshman year of college my parents found out that I was still gay, so they sent me to another counselor, who was so much more understanding. He told me there was a 99.9% chance no treatment would phase me, and that it was ok to be who I was. We talked about everything. He was the first authority person who didn’t tell me God 32 davidatlanta
By Jesse A. Hancock
My parents . . . sent me to another counselor, who told me there was a 99.9% chance no treatment would phase me, and that it was ok to be who I was. We talked about everything. He was the first authority person who didn’t tell me God hates fags.
hates fags. He told my parents I was fine. Time went by and my parents found out a third time I was still gay, and they kicked me out. I was 22 and had nowhere to go. I called my friend who let me come stay with him until I could get on my feet. He introduced me to CHRIS Kids. He told me it was a place for kids to go when they have nowhere to go, even if they are gay. Now I want to give back and help other kids like me.” One program CHRIS Kids offers is Rainbow House, a place for kids who have been put up for adoption or taken from their homes for various reasons, including some whose parents are on drugs. Rainbow House takes in runaways and homeless kids and gives them support and some education. Jones recently started performing in drag and will host “Bears Sing for the Children” as Christina Paris. He said becoming Christina was a slow process.
“When I moved to Atlanta, I was literally terrified of drag queens,” said Jones. “The first time I ever saw drag queens in person was when I visited here and walked past Blake’s on the Park. I told my friend there was no way I was going in there. I always thought of drag queens as being bitchy and likely to pick you out of an audience and tear you apart. Then I got to know a bunch of them. Now I know that some of them are just like that, but a lot of them are not. Some of them are the sweetest people you could possibly meet. I actually met Alexandria Martin, who inspired me to try drag. I’ve only been doing it less than a year. She taught me that you can be pretty and funny at the same time. When I first started, I looked horrible. My drag mother is Cartier Paris, who taught me all about hair, makeup, performing and everything.” For a fun evening and a great way to help CHRIS Kids, make plans to attend Bears Sing for the Children. For more information about CHRIS Kids, go to www.chriskids.org.
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Dancer Gets RAW to Make a Difference
By Zane Harris
Photography by Starr Petronella Paul Appleman is a world class dancer with a heart for change. His goal is to leave an impression and to educate through the collaboration of local artists in a major project this year.
This creative vision has inspired the RAW Series Project, a series of thought provoking performances aimed at making us think about the issues we face in the world around us. The subject matter ranges from themes of class conflict and the homeless, to HIV/ AIDS awareness and education here in Atlanta. David Magazine: So you’re from Houston, but tell us about your background as a dancer.
Appleman: I grew up in the Ben Stevenson Academy, which is the school to the Houston Ballet. From there I 34 davidatlanta
went up the ranks and became a member of the Houston Ballet. I danced with them professionally for several years. From there I went to New York and danced with David Dorfman. I then trained and danced with Doug Verone. I switched over from classical ballet to very contemporary and modern. I’ve worked with several other dance organizations on small projects and I teach with Gwinnett Ballet Theater. I just recently became the co-school director, which I take on in full next year. David Magazine: What inspired you to create a performance series like RAW?
Appleman: Well I am politically active and huge into volunteering and giving back to the community as much as I possibly can. Most of that can be done
within my art. I’ve seen that a lot of people in Atlanta become so focused on themselves, their career, and just developing their own personal life that they forget about the people around them. They forget that there are so many people who really need aid, who need assistance. It’s always been a passion of mine to make sure that I’m involved in [giving back] as much as I can.
David Magazine: What is your role within the performances and behind the scenes? Appleman: There is only one performance that I will actively participate in dance wise, and that’s RED. I want to be the organizer, the person to get the information out. I want my artists to have as much attention and exposure as they possibly can and give to the community that way. David Magazine: Tell us about the focus on artists within the RAW Series Project
Appleman: I grew up in a culture where all artists were getting jobs but understood that building a family was the most important thing, even though we were out to get as many jobs as we could. That’s how you build your connections. The entire project is about bringing in as many artists within our community and collaborating and making it more of a family.
‘Capitalism’ is my very political piece . . . It is designed, to be perfectly frank, to piss off Atlanta. I think that’s what they really need, something to open their eyes, something to irritate them. in a sense it provokes a lot of thought internally, people make these stories their own as opposed to a play where you are given the words in conjunction with the elements of movement.
David Magazine: Are you hand selecting the artists for the RAW series?
Appleman: Yes, but at the same time I’m leaving it open for people to come to me and show me their work and go from there. I always keep it open, and if [the art] fits, then it fits. The important thing for me and my artists is that a lot of my artists donate their time. So it’s all charity. I need to make sure that my artists are just as passionate as I am concerning each of these projects and their art.
David Magazine: Tell us about your more controversial piece in the series, Capitalism: A Ballet, which you said was inspired by Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel & Dimed as well as Class Matters created by the Editors of the New York Times. Appleman: Capitalism is my very political piece. I have yet to find any ballets or dance performances that are extremely political, so that is a completely interactive ballet. It is designed, to be perfectly frank, to piss off Atlanta. I think that’s what they really need, something to open their eyes, something to irritate them. David Magazine: Do you believe the medium of dance communicates with people differently than other forms of art? Appleman: Dance is interesting in that there are no words. The audience is subjected only to movement and you have to base what they are saying through their emotions and eye contact or lack thereof. I think
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Datebook April 21 (Thur)
Line Dancing Lessons 8:00 p.m. Three-Legged Cowboy offers free line dance lessons. Come out to 931 Monroe Drive and learn to line dance. Beginners are welcome. The instructors are always willing and able to help you out in any way that they can.
Bedlam: Mad, Mad Masquerade
10 p.m. – 4 a.m. Maybe you’ve heard about it by now? One of Atlanta’s hippest, best-kept secrets. A party like no other. Grab your masquerade masks and G-strings and let your freak flags fly! My Sister’s Room, 1271 Glenwood Ave. $7 admission, 21+.
Fashionistas - How do YOU April 23 (Sat) look? Drag Show at Burkhart’s 11:30 p.m. Party with the Fashionistas at Burkhart’s, 1492-F Piedmont Rd. Princess Charles hosts this night featuring his cast of Fashionistas, drag’s finest and fiercest. Get ready to enjoy the show, Princess Charles’ style.
April 22 (Fri) Freemasons at Heretic
11:30 p.m. Come have fun at one of Atlanta’s most popular drag show locations every Friday and Saturday nights at 1492 Piedmont Rd. This is a one-of-a-kind show with Alicia Kelly, Angelica De Paige, Ashley Kruiz, Regina Ryan, Savannah Leigh and more. Always a great time! Be sure to pick up a free raffle ticket at the front door for a chance to win a $100 gift card.
April 24 (Sun) Grab a cup of cheer! RenFest is here!
9 p.m. Freemasons, aka Russell Small and James Wiltshire, bring their hits all the way from England on their worldwide tour. Since 2005 they’ve worked on chart toppers with such artists as Shakira, Kylie Minogue, and Beyonce. This is a benefit show for Joining Hearts. Go to hereticatlanta.com for more details.
Edith Marquez LIVE 9:00 p.m. Mexican superstar Edith Marquez comes to town to shake things up at Chaparral, 2715 Buford Highway. For more information, go to www.gotleche. com
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10:30 a.m. – 6:00 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays, Georgia Renaissance Fest, through June 5. For 26 years, RenFest fans have been coming to this multi-acre kingdom, a re-creation of a 16th-Century European Country Faire where you can shop, eat and revel with a cast of nearly 1,000 colorfully costumed characters. Ten stages of music and comedy shows are set against a permanent backdrop of Tudor homes and enchanting cottages! Cheer your champion knight at the Royal Joust Arena. Feast like a King on the hearty food and drink of the period, shop for fine handcrafted treasures and watch demonstrations of the time- honored arts of weaving, coin minting, spinning, sculpting, glass blowing, and leather crafting and enjoy games and rides for all ages. Take I-85 to Exit 61 – Fairburn/Peachtree City. Turn left off the exit and travel west 2 miles to the Festival entrance on the right. FREE Parking! Open Rain or Shine, no pets allowed, no outside food or beverage allowed. Adult tickets: $19.95, senior tickets (60+): $17.95, child tickets (6-12): $8.95, children 5 and under are free. For more information, go to www. garenfest.com.
Church Services Attend one of Atlanta’s many gay or gay friendly churches. Some of these churches include: St. Bartholomew Episcopal Church, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta, St. Mark United Methodist Church, and First MCC of Atlanta. Check websites for times, locations, and more information.
Armorettes at Burkhart’s 7:00 p.m. Join Atlanta’s camp drag queens as they return to Burkhart’s for a fun weekly show full of laughs and mayhem. The Armorettes have been premiere fundraisers for HIV/AIDS in the gay and lesbian community for years while providing the absolute best in camp drag entertainment. For more information, go to www.armorettes.com.
April 25 (Mon) Dragamundo 8:00 p.m. Join Bubba Dee Licious and a cast of female impersonators over dinner as the former Dragamaki has moved from its old home at Nickiemoto’s to Las Margaritas, 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd., and is now called “Dragamundo.” Each Monday night, Bubba welcomes a new house, a new cast and a new concept, including special guests each week and, of course, more cha-cha-cha. Enjoy $2 Tacos.
RuPaul’s Drag Finale!
winner of this season’s “RuPaul’s Drag Race”! Watch with your friends and Atlanta contestant #1, Phoenix, at Blake’s On the Park. Or head over to Einstein’s on Juniper to watch with Atlanta contestant #2, Mariah Balenciaga. RuPaul will co-host the drag extravaganza with hottie James Franco on Logo TV.
April 26 (Tues) Atlanta Rehearsal
Philharmonic
7:30 p.m. The Atlanta Philharmonic Orchestra, an LGBT friendly community orchestra, is always seeking new players to fill out sections, and you are invited. They are looking for string—especially violin and double bass—trombone players, as well as percussionists. No audition is required. However, they do play some challenging pieces, and therefore a minimum of high school experience is preferred. For more information, go to www.atlantaphilarmonic.org.
Fishbowls and Glee 8:00 p.m. Come watch Kurt, Sue Sylvester, Rachel, Finn, Mr. Shuster and the gang on 21 screens at Amsterdam, 502-A Amsterdam Ave., near Piedmont Park. Friendly, neighborhood atmosphere with great drink specials including Amsterdam fish bowls. Draft specials all day long. Stick around after the show for music videos with VJ Vaughn.
April 27 (Wed) Birdcage Bingo with Ruby Redd 8:00 p.m. at Mellow Mushroom, 931 Monroe Ave. Bingo fun with a Mellow twist hosted by Ruby Redd. Bingo is free to play and dollars raised support CHRIS Kids charity. Fun categories and prizes. Get there early for a good seat.
Upcoming: Bears Sing for the Children April 28 Jungle Club Doors open at 7:00 p.m. Benefit for CHRIS Kids Tickets are now on sale at Boy Next Door and Brushstrokes $17 in advance, $20 at the door
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Mexican Superstar Comes To Atlanta
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By Jesse A. Hancock - Translator: Luz Medina
dith Márquez will be performing a special concert on Friday night, April 22 at Chaparral, 2715 Buford Highway.
As a child, Marquez began singing in televised competitions, which led to some roles in popular programs and telenovelas. Her career took off when she was asked to join a pop group in Mexico called Timbiriche. The band became hugely popular soon after she joined, with songs such as “Máscaras,” and “Yo No Soy una Más.”
She left the band after several years to focus on personal matters. At that time she became a mother to a son, Sebastián. She began her solo career in 1998 with the release of her debut record, Frente a Ti, on Warner Music México. Since then she has been producing successful singles and albums. She is currently recording a new album and touring. “I’m happy to be performing in Atlanta because I’ve never been there,” said Márquez. “I’m so thankful for all I have in my life, thanks to my fans, gay and straight.”
I have so much respect for the gay community. They love my music. There is no other audience that shows love like my gay audience. David Magazine: When will your new CD be released? What can listeners expect?
Edith: I’ve already recorded most of the songs. If everything goes well, it will be released in the middle next month or maybe June. The original release date was pushed back because I was sick for a while, but I’m better. The release date was also postponed because my producer had other commitments. This new CD will have lots of drama and passion, which my fans like. I sing a lot of ballads. I’ve been a solo artist about 12 years. David Magazine: What can the audience expect at your show at Chaparral?
Edith: I’ll be performing six to eight songs in concert. I’m hoping to tour more of the United States. It’s a challenge because not everyone in my band has a Visa to travel. David Magazine: Have you ever been to Atlanta?
Edith: No. I can’t wait to visit! I’ll be in Texas the night before my concert in Atlanta. I’ve been to Dallas, Texas before. I hear it is beautiful in Atlanta. I wish I could come earlier to see some of the sights. David Magazine: Does your family tour with you?
Edith: No. I’d love to bring my kids, but they have to go to school. Right now they are on spring break. I have a house on the beach, and I know they will have a fun time while I’m gone. I miss them a lot.
David Magazine: What advice do you give to new artists who want to have a career like yours?
Edith: New singers need to have a lot of love for that they do. And patience. It’s a hard job. They also need
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a lot of discipline and determination. Whatever anyone does, it should be with love and positive energy. It is very hard to be successful as a new artist today, but anyone can do it if they work hard enough. They also need to set goals and keep working toward them. David Magazine: Do you write your own songs? Edith: Not so far, but I’m working on a few new songs with Bruno Danza.
David Magazine: What singers do you admire? Edith: I like a lot of artists, especially Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera, and Alanis Morrissette. I also love Toni Braxton. Christina Aguilera is wonderful, the best singer in the world. I also like Beyoncé. David Magazine: You started performing at a young age. Is your son, Sebastian, a singer? Do you have any other children? Edith: No, he is a typical teenager. I have two children, Sebastian (17) and Nicolas (8). They both like music and are good singers, but they don’t plan on doing it professionally. I don’t think they’ll ever choose to be professional singers, but whatever they choose to do I will support them always. David Magazine: You will have a lot of gay fans at your show at Chaparral. Do you notice differences in the way gay audiences react to you and your music than straight audiences?
Edith: I love the gay community. They are the best audience there could be. I have so much respect for the gay community. They love my music. There is no other audience that shows love like my gay audiences. They will sing all the words to every song and dance along. They are the best in the world! David Magazine: Is there anything else you’d like David Magazine readers to know about you or the concert?
Edith: I thank everyone for giving me the opportunity to come to Atlanta to perform. I hope everyone likes my songs. I’m on Twitter a lot, but not so much on Facebook. I try to answer all questions from fans. Also, you can find my music on iTunes. Edith Márquez in concert Friday April 22 at Chaparral
Follow Edith on Twitter @ EdithMarquezL
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Horoscopes Aries Watch out for little problems sneaking into relationships that you thought were hassle-free. Most likely they won’t turn into deal-breakers, but you will have to get creative to solve them.
SAGITTARIUS You are the center of your friends’ worlds at the moment, and they are listening to your every word. Its good fun, and they may keep you going long after you’d ordinarily call it quits.
TAURUS You’re all set for a great week — the universe is getting things ready for you. Expect hot new ideas and cool new people to swing your way. At least one potential love connection is in store.
CAPRICORN Roommates may be trouble — or they may have your back as you stand up to neighbors or the landlord. Whatever goes down today, expect some big wave to hit the home front. It’ll be better if you’re a united front.
GEMINI You are tuned in to the big picture, at least as far as your social group is concerned. You can totally see where things are headed and who’s hooking up with whom — you included!
AQUARIUS You are as hot as can be — few will be able to resist your charm. Make sure you are as visible as possible. You don’t want all your good stuff to waste. Put yourself out there as much as possible. Flirt until you lose your voice.
CANCER Now is the best time to start that new relationship or job or program — whatever it is you’ve been itching to try. You will need to take the first step and probably the second one as well.
PISCES Someone close needs you at the moment, and you’d rather help out than do just about anything else. It’s a great time to build up those relationships that need a little TLC. Your generosity will bridge the gap.
Leo You are feeling fun and flirty and ready for anything the next few days throw your way. You’ll see beauty where others see static, and you may find yourself macking on someone you previously had no interest in. VIRGO So much is going on under the radar that it may feel as if things are happening for no reason. All of it will make sense eventually, but it will take time — so maybe you should just play along. LIBRA You can lead the way, even if you’re not 100 percent sure where you’re going. Perhaps someone else knows the score, but even they will follow along thanks to your confident smile. SCORPIO You will feel the need to bust out with something really offbeat and out of the ordinary, but you can make it deeply meaningful at the same time. There’s no reason you can’t have it both ways. 52 davidatlanta
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Bartab Nightlife Guide 1. Amsterdam 502 Amsterdam Ave. 404-892-2227 myspace.com/amsterdamatlanta
M-Dragamundo (formerly Dragamaki) with Bubba D. Licious and guests T-Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30pm M-Free Pool W-Karaoke 8pm 2. Bellissima T-Smirnoff Martini Night TH-Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30PM 560-B Amsterdam Ave. TH-Karaoke with Brett & Tyler 10pm SU-All You Can Eat Brunch 11AM404-917-0220 F-Bartenders Serve it up! 3PM myspace.com/bellissima_lounge S-Karaoke with Brett & Tyler 10pm SU-Bloody Mary & Mimosa Wallet 20. Mary’s 3. Blake’s on the Park Pleasers 1287 Glenwood Ave. 227 10th St. 404-624-4411 404-892-5786 12. Friends On Ponce www.marysatlanta.com myspace.com/blakesonthepark 736 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-817-3820 M-Open 5pm - DJ Va Jay Jay Spins M-Drag On The Edge Show 11pm www.friendsonponce-atl.com T-CJ Hosting Mary-Oke @ 10pm DJ T-1/2 Price Appetizers Yes Sir Spins Rock 9pm 11am-8pm-Blake’s Wild Card M-Afternoons with Jasen 2pm W-Themed Parties Reto DJ’s Show-11pm T-Let’s Make A Deal 3D Thursdays TH-Open 5pm - Boys Room Party W-FEATHERS & FLESH W-Disco & Dazzle with Diva Jasen F-Themed Party - Love DJ BURLESQUE REVUE 11pm TH-HOT NIGHTS With Jasen and S-Dance Party Hot Mess 9PM TH-Texas Hold’Em Poker 7pmDonnie Differnt DJ Every Week The Shawnna Factor Show 11pm F-Happy Time w/ Daniel &Terry F-Kitty LeClaw’s Meow Mix S-Open @ Noon with Bob Brewer 21. Mixx Show 11pm 1492 Piedmont Rd. S-Jealouse’s Daring Divas Show 13. Gilbert’s 404-228-4372 11pm 219 10th St. SU-Sunday Brunch 12-3-DJ’s 404-872-8012 22. Model-T Bill Berdeaux & Daryl Cox Spin www.gilbertscafe.com 699 Ponce De Leon Ave. All Night 404-872-2209 14. Heretic www.modeltatlanta.com 4. BJ Roosters 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 2345 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-325-3061 Facebook: Modelt Atlanta 404-634-5895 www.hereticatlanta.com Twitter: ModelTAtlanta www.bjroostersatl.com Myspace: modeltatlanta M-INDUSTRY NIGHT with Brian. Youtube: TheModelTAtlanta 5. Bulldogs Dance floor open @10pm - No Blogspot: modeltatlanta.blogspot. 893 Peachtree St. Cover. com 404-872-3025 T-TIME WARP - 70’s, 80’s & 90’s music with Paul. Dance floor open M- B-I-N-G-O Nights with Curtis! 6. Burkhart’s @10pm - No Cover. Play & Win! Elvis Host. 1492-F Piedmont Rd. W-H.U.M.P. Dress Code Party w/ Try a Pink Cadillac. 404-872-4403 DJ LYDIA PRIM. 75¢ Keystone Light T-Nut Flush Poker Night. Gary & www.burkharts.com Draft. 10pm - No Cover. Elvis serve up their TH-¡¡¡AZUCA’!!! Latin Night Hot best. Have Gary’s Kamikaze. M-Karaoke Idol 11:30PM Tribal Beats with DJ KARLITOS W-Karaoke, So you think you can T-Karaoke 11:30PM F-PRIMAL URGES with DJ LYDIA SING with Pat & Tina W-Karaoke Idol 11:30PM PRIM 10pm No Cover til 11pm from Virtually Famous TH-“The Fashionistas” hosted by $5 after. TH-Ron, Gary & Michael swerve up Princess Charles! 11:30PM S-HOT GUEST DJ WEEKLY - No their Best! Ask Michael for a F-“Total Request” with Angelica Cover til 11pm!! Michael Juice. D’Paige! 11:30PM SU-Closed Sundays! F-Nut Flush Poker Night. Show us S-“P.O.P.!” hosted by Princess your Poker Face. Michael Charles! 11:30PM 15.HOBNOB is serving it up. SU-7 PM “The Armorette’s”! 9:30 1551 Piedmont Ave. S-Free Tacos Day. Come out and PM “The Dreams” with Shavonna 404-968-2288 eat. 3 pm until it’s gone. B. Brooks! S-Game Day. Come enjoy a great 16. Joe’s on Juniper game & Sunday Dinner with Ron! 3 7. Chaparral 1049 Juniper St. pm 2715 Buford Hwy. 404-875-6634 www.chaparralalternative.com www.joesatlanta.com 23. My Sisters Room F-Got Leche? 10pm - Hot Latino 1271 Glenwood Ave. SE Dancers 17. Jungle 678-705-4585 2115 Faulkner Rd. 9. Club Opera 404-844-8800 24. New Order 1150-B Crescent Ave. jungleclubatlanta.com 1544 Piedmont Rd. 404-872-1150 404-874-8247 www.operaatlanta.com M-Stars of the Century Show 11pm F-Dragnique Talent Search 25. Opus 1 10. Eagle Competition. Doors Open 9:30pm. 1086 Alco St. 306 Ponce De Leon Ave. Dance Party Follows 404-634-6478 404-873-2453 S-Special Guest DJs Dance Party www.atlantaeagle.com 26. Oscar’s 18. LeBuzz 1510-C Piedmont Ave N.E. M-Comedy TV-Free Pool with 585 Franklin Rd. (Marietta) www.oscarsatlanta.com Tony 770-424-1337 T-Rock Music-Free Pool with www.thenewlebuzz.com T-Show Tunes & Glee 8pm Tony W-80s Music with Travis-Tim’s 19. Las Margaritas 27. Swinging Richards Black Jack 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 1400 Northside Dr. TH-Karaoke with Mikey-Tim’s Black 404-873-4464 404-352-0532 Jack www.lasmargaritasatl.com www.swingingrichards.com F-Club Nights-DJ Dance Party S-Club Nights-DJ Dance Party
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11. Felix’s 1510-G Piedmont Rd. 404-249-7899
T-$5 Cover After Midnight W-2-4-1 VIP Room TH-2-4-1 Door & 2-4-1 VIP Room F-Open 6:30pm - $10 - Hot Naked Men and Big Cocktails S-Open 6:30pm - $10 28. 3 Legged Cowboy 931 Monroe Dr. 404-876-0001 www.3leggedcowboy.net T-Family Poker 7:30pm W-Intermediate 2 Step @ 8-9 TH-Dance Lessons @ 8-9 - Ladies Night F-Sugar Baby’s Trailer Park Revue10pm S-Dance Lessons @ 8-9 29. Tripps 1931 Piedmont Cir. 404-724-0067 W-Taco Buffet 5pm TH-Karaoke with Darlene 9pm F-Laser Show Dance Party with DJ Steve Lynch S-Cookout 2pm SU-Complimentary Buffet 3pmKaraoke 7pm
10. Rawhide Leather under The Atlanta Eagle 306 Ponce de Leon Ave NE 404-881-0031 PRIVATE SOCIAL CLUBS 40. Eros 2219 Faulkner Rd. 404-287-4482 41. Manifest 2103 Faulkner Rd. 404-549-2815 Atlanta Tourist Spots A. Atlanta Botanical Gardens B. Atlanta History Center C. Atlantic Station D. Centennial Olympic Park E. CNN - Atlanta F. Fox Theater G. Georgia Aquarium H. Georgia State Capitol I. High Museum of Art J. Margaret Mitchell House K. The Atlanta Opera and The Atlanta Ballet L. The Atlanta Symphony Orchestra M. Virginia-Highlands N. World of Coca-Cola O. Zoo Atlanta
out of town directory MIDTOWN W G E O R G I TH-Chris Coleman Presents AUGUSTA “Indulge” 9pm-Midnight CLUB ARGOS 1923 WaltonWay-706-48130. Woofs 8829www.clubargos.net 2425 Piedmont Rd. 404-869-9422 THE FILLING STATION @ The www.woofsatlanta.com Parliament Resort 1258 Gordon 31. 91 Highway-706-828-7400 91 Broad Street SW www.gayaugusta.com/ 404.581.0577 thefillingstation www.91below.com MACON 32. The Cockpit KAOS 465 Boulevard Ave SE 2780 Riverside Drive – 478-621www.thecockpit-atlanta.blogspot. 0662 com www.kaosmacon.com GYMS/SPAS/BATHS 32. FLEX 76 - 4th St. NW 404-815-0456 33. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd. NW 404-486-0506
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SYNERGY 425 Cherry Street – 478-755-9383 SAVANNAH BLAINE’S 13 East Perry Street-912-233-6765 www.blainesbar.com CHUCK’S BAR 305 West River Street-912-232-1005
34. Workout Anytime 2140 Peachtree Rd. 404-351-3264
CLUB ONE 1 Jefferson Street-912-232-0200 www.clubone-online.com
RETAIL/BOOKS/DVDS
UNADILLA The Lumberyard @ Lumberjacks Resort 50 Highway 230-1-877-888-1688 www.lumberjackscampground.com
36. Brushstrokes/Capulets 1510 Piedmont Ave. 404-876-6567 37. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Rd. 404.873.2264 www.boynextdoor.biz 38. Outwrite Bookstore & Cafe 991 Piedmont Ave. 404-607-0082 39. Poster Hut 2175 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-636-7491
A L A B A M A BIRMINGHAM THE QUEST 416 24th Street South-205-251-4313 www.the-quest-club.com OUR PLACE 2115 8th Avenue S. 205-715-0077 JOE’S ON SEVENTH 2627 7th Avenue South- 205-3212812 www.joesonseventh.com DOTHAN CLUB IMAGINATION 4129 Ross Clark Circle 334-792-6555 MONTGOMERY CLUB 322 322 N. Lawrence Street - 334-2634322
T E N N E S S E E CHATTANOOGA IMAGES 6005 Lee Highway-423-855-8210 www.mirage-complex.com CHUCK’S 27 W. Main Street- 423-265-5405 ALLAN GOLD’S 1100 McCallie Avenue-423-629-8080
*See map on page 58 for locations
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LOGO GETS “ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS,” DARLING!
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ogo Acquires Complete Series of Hit British Sitcom “Absolutely Fabulous”
Weekend Marathon Launches Beginning Saturday, April 16th
Series
Premiere
Logo announced today it acquired the complete, five-season series of the camp, cult-hit “Absolutely Fabulous.” To kick off the Logo premiere, “Absolutely Fabulous” will launch with a weekend-long marathon beginning Saturday, April 16th at 2 p.m. ET/PT. The series will move to its permanent timeslot with episodes airing every Thursday at 10 p.m. ET/PT on Logo. “Absolutely Fabulous” takes an outrageous journey into the world of fad-obsessed friends where nothing is sacred and no one is spared in their quest for fame and style. The series’ outlandish characters, its awardwinning acting and hard-hitting humor quickly made this series an international television favorite. When it comes to ‘OMFG’ television, ‘Ab Fab’ sets the bar with its notorious, hard-partying duo Patsy and Edina,” says Marc Leonard, SVP of Multiplatform Programming, Logo. “This irreverent series about the ultimate anti-heroes changed the face of comedy and 60 davidatlanta
fits beautifully with Logo’s fierce programming.” “Absolutely Fabulous” follows publicist Edina Monsoon (Jennifer Saunders) and her best friend, fashion director Patsy Stone (Joanna Lumley) as they live the life of excess in every possible way. The sitcom chronicles these middle-aged women and their desperate attempt to do anything to stay relevant and hip. As they teeter toward decadence through alcohol, cigarettes and fashion, Edina and Patsy find themselves in unbelievable, hilarious situations. Their poor judgment and misadventures include a full cast of eccentric characters including Saffy (Julia Sawalha), Edina’s voice-of-reason daughter; Bubble, Edina’s babbling, animated assistant; and Edina’s oblivious mother. Wishing you were new, now and next with Edina and Patsy? Follow the latest news about “Absolutely Fabulous” on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/ logo and on twitter at http://www.twitter.com/logotv. Watch “Absolutely Fabulous” at LogoTV.com to watch select episodes from the series. “Absolutely Fabulous” will also be available on Logo On-Demand.
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La Nota Rosa
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By Luis Chiruco
MOMENTOS DIFICILES ay un tejido entre cada persona, entre cada cosa, entre cada acción y pensamiento. Un tejido que si bien no es irrompible, es improbable.
Y como tal, se estira, se deshilacha, se mueve y se desplaza. Yo creo que, por “A” o por “B”, todas las personas que conocemos pasan a formar parte de nuestras vidas y en el preciso instante en el que cruzamos una mirada, una palabra o un gesto con ellas, ese tejido se empieza a formar entre los dos y los cosas mutan, inclinándose hacia algún lado: puede ser una amistad, una relación de trabajo, un desprecio profundo, un romance o el completo olvido. Y eso se debe a que el tejido tiene sabor, textura. Cada vez que recordamos a una persona, ya sea por
una palabra que nos dijo, un abrazo que nos dio o una puteada que nos lanzó, ese tejido vibra una vez más.
De hecho inclusive creo que cuando recuerdo a alguien de la nada es porque ese tejido fue estimulado por alguna de las partes o desde el exterior. Sin embargo, es necesario aclarar que el tejido no es el hilo conector entre nosotros, sino nosotros somos los nexos entre los tramos del tejido.
Porque somos meras personas, conectores para ese tejido, que a la larga o la corta, será utilizado por otros, será compartido y vendrán otros capaces de aprovecharlo.Porque ese tejido no es nada más que información, y nosotros los transportadores y generadores del misma....
...got leche? No se te olvide agregarme en mi nueva pagina de facebook asi estaremos siempre en contacto y me puedes mandar todos tus consejos y sugerencias y quejas y todo lo que ustedes quieran...si les gusta mi columna o no sirve para nada etc etc...todo es bienvenido ...echa pa’ lante como dijiera mi amigocha la YARA...lastima que ya salio del show...tan perra que era la chica!......y a ver quien gana..aunque todos
sabemos ya quien va a ganar..porque conocida draga que estuvo en ese show solto la sopa.... ah!...pista empieza con R.... quien sera?... bueno no olvides agregarme en mi pagina ya que la otra me la borraron ..quesque ponia fotos muy sexies y pues no se vale........ adios..........
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By Richard Marshall
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Bitch Session Being in my 40’s does not mean I’m dead! We’re still sexy, have jobs, homes, etc! Don’t forget: you’ll be 40 one day. Then the shoe will be on the other foot!
How many times do I have to respond to your annoying ass with one word answers before you realize that I’m NOT interested in you?
If I hear the phrase “social networking” Sorry, but I do have a right to ask where one more time, I’m going to vomit on my you are and who you’re with if I am paying keyboard. your bills and giving you money while you barely work and skip your classes all the time. It’s called respect, asshole!
Being a real friend is a priority, not an option.
I’m sorry I laughed at you while you were talking dirty to me when I was sucking your dick. It was the irony of you acting so tough and hard while your dick was anything but hard. Who on earth would let someone piss in their mouth? You can spray my face with pee all day, but don’t put that thing in my mouth and say, “Swallow it!”
To all you bitches who use Bitch Session to give the rest of us advice on relationships: It’s obvious that most of you have never been in relationships yourselves, so excuse us for not taking you seriously.
I’m sick of birds shitting on my car. If I find a nest, I’m taking a huge dump on it.
If you’re cruising Craigslist, you’re trashy. Go out, step into a bar, and actually deal with I told you he was trouble. You should have people face-to-face instead of hiding behind listened. Now he’s like a stray cat you can’t a stolen photo of someone with a six pack get rid of. and seven inches. You ain’t fooling anybody. I’ll be so relieved when your unemployment benefits run out so you can finally leave this town and return to the shitty town that spawned you.
Being gay is not a skill set. Bring more to the table, girls.
I like twinks. I do not like children! Stop talking smack about bear bars. They serve a valuable societal function: to contain all the ugly people in one spot, away from pretty society.
Your obsession with older men is obvious and, in my opinion, gross. You aren’t fooling anyone with your “relationship” with your young “boyfriend.” We know you are sucking daddy dick all over town, whore.
Summer’s coming, and I’m fishing for Lance Bass!
Your grammar is pretty good for someone who used to be a waiter. Thanks for bitching, but we do not empathize with you. Now refill Twinks really can stay young and beautiful my tea, bitch! forever – by sucking the life out of others.
Gotta Bitch?
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