Davids Camp Magazine April/ May 2019 Edition

David’s Camp Magazine

Showing the way, the truth, and the life...John 14:6

ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION PAGE3

17 SIGNS OF HIGHLY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE PAGE 11

HOW LONG? PAGE 2

MENTAL HEALTH HOW TO DEAL WITH THE FEAR OF JUDGMENT PAGE 10

7 PRINCIPLE TO TAKE YOU TO YOUR NEXT LEVEL IN LIFE PAGE 4

Bose

A Shining light riding on God’s mercy PAGE 6

QUIZ PAGE 5 28 THINGS YOU MUST KNOW BEFORE YOU MARRY A PASTOR PAGE 9

issued in the UK

Free April/May 2019

Letter From THE

EDITOR

David Oluwole-David

a prolific writer, an ardent Bible student, an author and has compassion for the liberation of souls that are yet to know about the faithfulness and goodness of God.

HOW LONG ?

1 Samuel 26:1...The LORD said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king.”

How long are you going to mourn over that Saul? “You can’t carry yesterday’s failures into today’s success.”

Who is Saul?

1. Saul is that project/relationship/person/child you invested so much into but didn’t give you the results you expected. In 1st Samuel 9, Saul met Samuel. Samuel spent all night with him, pouring into him, making impartation. Do you know how it feels to invest heavily in a project, and the project not amounting to something fruitful? It’s heart-breaking to waste all that investment.

No one wants to be involved in a white elephant project.

Who is Saul?

2. Saul is that project/relationship that was not meant to work out in the first place. It’s just an experience you needed, a bitter experience though. Take for instance, a godly sister with a good heart who kept finding herself in wrong relationships until she met the right man. While she is sulking about the wrong past relationships, could it be that all those bitter experiences were not meant to work out in the first place, and they were just experiences she needed to make the real relationship work. She’s seen the nasty, the bad and the ugly. Now, she can appreciate a good relationship, having tasted the bad side. Sir/ma don’t cry and kill yourself over the relationship that didn’t work out. The world will not stop rotating because of you.

Revelation22:13…” I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.” We hear quite often about God being celebrated as the Alpha, we hardly hear the Omega side. In fact, I have heard many call their children Alpha but I have hardly heard anyone call their children Omega.

Friends, just as God opens doors, sometimes He can also close them.

Often, when the door opens, we celebrate and appreciate the Alpha and then when He decides to close the door, we mourn, become sorrowful and never celebrate the Omega. We disregard the truth that He knows the best, He knows the ending from the beginning.

But if you’re patient enough, after a while, you’ll understand ‘the end’ as God’s perfect plan for your life. Not all closed doors are the devil’s doing, some are closed because their closure is good for you.

2

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

Who is Saul?

3. Saul is God’s testing ground for you. News Flash! You won’t enjoy and appreciate the taste of honey if you have not first tasted bitter drink. You can’t have it all good all the time. Grow up and see God’s testing ground as preparation for a better future.

How long will you mourn over that loss, that guy that left you, that lost investment? The reason many relationships/marriages don’t work out is because either of the couple is carrying the emotional luggage of the previous relationships into the new relationship.

Haven’t you heard women say, ‘all men cheat’. Really! Sister, not all men cheat. Stop allowing your bitter experience of the past to stop you progressing into God’s divine plans for your life.

The danger is, if you don’t stop mourning over Saul, you won’t see David, a man after God’s own heart that God has kept for you all along.

Isaiah 43:19...”Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

Continued on page 2 Saul is God’s abandoned project, there is

Editors

Olamide Ajayi Bose Oluwole-David

Contributing Writers David Oluwole-David Dr. Margaret Rutherford Eniola Israel Pastor Olamide Ajayi Pastor Layo Afuape Bose Oluwole-David Joshua Tosh Ima Nkanta

Published by David’s Camp Limited, davidscamp.org@mail.com www.davidscamp.org

Designed and printed by shalomwales int’l 07806781603, myprints@mail.com

Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6

HEALTH TALK

HEALTH

- Rachael Eniola Israel

- A qualified public health practitioner

Erectile Dysfunction [ED]

What is ED? Erectile dysfunction (impotence) is the inability to get or keep an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse. One in ten men (10%) suffer from impotence and it is seen in almost one third (30%) of diabetic men.

How do normal erections occur?

To achieve an erection, a man needs: • an adequate circulating level of hormones • an adequate blood flow to the penis • intact nerves supplying the penis • an appropriate sexual desire.

If there is a problem with one or more of these mechanisms, erection may fail. During arousal, nerve impulses travel from the brain to the penis and trigger smooth muscle relaxation in the penis. This encourages blood to flow into the erectile tissues. As the penis fills with blood, it enlarges and becomes erect. During enlargement, the veins in the penis become compressed, blocking the flow of blood out of the penis so that erection occurs. The penis remains erect until ejaculation is completed or sexual arousal ceases The two main causes of ED are Psychological and Physical PsychologicalCauses • Relationship conflicts • Stress and anxiety • Depression (90% of men affected by depression also

have complete or moderate ED) • Unresolved sexual orientation • Sexual boredom Physical Causes • Trauma • Excessive alcohol consumption and smoking • Hormone imbalance • Nerve damage • Testosterone deficiency or ‘hypogonadism’ is when the body is unable to make enough testosterone to work normally.

• Life style choices [lack of exercises and unhealthy diet] Vasculogenic conditions (which affect blood flow to the penis) – including disease of the heart or blood vessels (cardiovascular disease (CVD)), high blood pressure, raisedcholesterol and diabetes.

If you have been suffering with ED for more than a few weeks, it is wise to see your doctor, because it may be a warning sign of other more serious health problems.

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well”…3 John 1:2 (NIV)

HOW LONG ?

Continued from page 1

a new tune in town. It’s called Davidic tune. If you keep crying over spilled milk; you keep mourning over the door God has closed, you won’t see clearly the new door He has opened I pray for you, in the name that is above every other name, you’re moving forward in Jesus name.

Special thanks to all our columnists who have remained consistent the past 4 years as we celebrate our 4th year of publishing the magazine FREE! Souls all over have been blessed, lives changed, destinies transformed, shallow minds enlightened and the testimonies abound. You are bound to be blessed again in this edition with soul-lifting articles/messages. Special thanks also to those who are praying for us and those supporting us in one way or the other. God is still in the business of giving rewards. He is a Rewarder.

In this edition, we feature minister Bose, a specially graced gospel singer with a special calling and ability to worship and call God in soul-lifting names. She takes us on her life journey so far as she releases her new album title: “this is my praise, O Lord.”

Blessings David Oluwole-David

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

3

MINISTRY

seven principle to take you to

YOUR NEXT LEVEL 1 Chronicles 4:9-10...”Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.

Life is a synergy of circumstances, that is, it is a diary of events.

Life is too fragile to handle. Whatever stage of life you are right now, please remember this, it is not yet over with you!!!

I would like to discuss with you seven principles to take you to your next level in life. I am trusting God that someone’s life will never remain the same again in Jesus name.

Principle 1: Desire a Change – Alan Cohen said, “It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secured, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement, there is life, and in change, there is power”.

The Bible is full of stories of men and women who relocated from one location to the other. For example: (a) Jabez in 1st Chronicles 4:9-10 woke up one day and desired a change; (b) Hannah in 1st Samuel 1:11, 27 decided to weep no more, changed her countenance and prayed for a divine visitation and she got it. Change is not always for the worse, but it is necessary at times. Bishop David Oyedepo said, “Until something changes within you, nothing changes around you. Every change begins from within, without a change within, there can never be a change without”.

Those who are in change always are those who believe in change. Jesus Christ is the ultimate changer of men’s destiny; He is the King of glory. He is the unchangeable changer who changes times and seasons. And yet remains constant... Malachi 3:6.

Principle 2: Have A Right Attitude- Abraham Lincoln said, “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing”. Attitude determines outcomes; your attitude in life will dictate your performance.

There is just a little difference in people; that little difference makes a big difference and that little difference is attitude. The power of attitude is so great that it determines how high you fly in life. What is your attitude to life, marriage, work, money and your God? Confucius says, “To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life, that is, we must first set our hearts right”.

Principle 3: Don’t Accept Defeat and Don’t Blame Anyone For your Circumstances- Don’t blame God for your lack of success.

You can develop a burning desire to succeed by keeping your mind on the things you want and off the things you don’t want.

Behind every adversity, there is a seed of greatness. To succeed in spite of your past negative experience: 4

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

inLife

(a) Identify yourself with a successful image … Proverbs 23:7 (b) Develop a picture of who you are in Christ… Romans 8:17 (c) Always remember that you have the mind of Christ… 1st Corinthians 2:16 (d) Define your purpose in life. Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievements (e) Develop your talent. Every man was born with a special God-given ability. What special ability do you have? Develop it! No inadequacy of yours can prevent you from changing your world because whatever your mind can conceive and believe, your mind can achieve. Don’t blame anyone for your current situation, admit it and seek the way out.

Principle 4: Turn To God For Help – God is the best connector, He knows how best to connect you with your miracle. You do not need any human dependence to receive heaven’s assistance. If you make man your utter dependence, you will definitely receive the mandate of suffer and plenty of frustrations will go with it. God wants you to solely depend on Him. He knows what is good for you as well as how you can get there without stress or struggle. Without Him, we can do nothing.

But with Him, we can do all things… Philippians 4:13 Principle 5: You Need The Right Company – If you take a close look at the life of Mephibosheth in 2nd Samuel 9:1-5, Mephibosheth was living in the house of Machir in Lodebar.

Machir was the son of Manasseh. Manasseh did not live his life to the fullness because his blessing was given to his younger brother – Ephraim… Genesis 48:13-19 Mephibosheth’s life was affected by the environment he lived in. Even if he was ambitious and full of plans, the people he surrounded himself with were going to destroy it. Right association connotes right decisions. The man who walks with wise men will definitely be wise, while a companion of fools will without any doubt be destroyed… Proverbs 13:20.

Every man has his own company; you need to seek your own company. By the way, do you belong to the right company? Are you surrounded by men and women who get you fulfilled or who diminish your vision? You need the right company to fulfil your purpose in life. No man is an island; you must choose the right company. “Your friends influence your character and your character is the vehicle that takes you to your destiny”. I decree in the name of Jesus that this season, God will join you to the right company for the fulfilment of His plans for your life in Jesus name.

Principle 6: It is Time To Break Camp and Advance – “Restlessness and discontent are first necessities of progress”- Thomas Alva Edison. For Mephibosheth to advance, he needed to break camp. David sent and fetched him out of the house of Machir in Lodebar. This was the turning point in his life, when his sorrow changed to joy. It was a point where loneliness gave way to companionship and bitterness to sweetness. Many of you have dwelt for too long on this mountain… Deuteronomy 1:6, but for Mephibosheth, this was the day he has long been waiting for. Every man has his own day, for instance, on Elisha’s own day, he got a double portion of Elijah’s spirit and his story changed… 2nd Kings 2:11-14. I believe this is your day of turn-

Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6

QUIZ

Quiz of the Edition - BY BOSE OLUWOLE-DAVID Can you answer these without opening your Bible, as a Christian?

Lets have fun together 1. Who sold his birth rite for a pot of porridge? (a) Darius (b) Isaac (c) Esau (d) Jacob 2.

His mission was to be the forerunner of Jesus preparing the people for his birth. Who was he? (a) Bartimaeus the blind (b) John the Baptist (c) Widow of Zarephat (d) Tabitha 3. (a)

Who helped Jesus carry his cross when He was tired?

Joseph (b) Jonathan (c) John (d) Simon

4.

Jesus was invited to the wedding at ________ (a) Macedonia (b) Cana of Galilee (c) Court of Damascus (d) Jerusalem 5.

“Say to the _________ that it shall be well with him for they shall eat the fruits of their doings (a) Righteous (b) Sanctified (c) Saints (d) Anointed

seven principle to take you to

6.

John (a)

Transfiguration (b) Camel (c) Sinai (d) Jericho

7.

The devil has come to ______, _______ and __________ (a) Watch, Pray, intercede (b) Anoint, Bless, Impartation (c) Kill, Detain, Damage (d) Kill, Steal, Destroy 8. (a)

There are ____ books in the New Testament of the Bible 26 (b) 25 (c) 27 (d) 29

9.

The daughter-in-law of Naomi who later married Boaz was ______ (a) Dorcas (b) Ruth (c) Esther (d) Priscilla 10.

Jesus told the thief on the cross, “today, you shall meet me in _________” (a) Galilee (b) New Jerusalem (c) Heaven (d) Paradise

Each question carries Grace... Be honest to give your answers!

YOUR NEXT LEVEL Continued from page 4

Jesus went to the mount _________with Peter, James and

inLife

ing point; everything will begin to turn right for you in Jesus name. It is high time you begin to experience this change. However, for this change to come, you must desire it from within. What can God not do? 1st Samuel 2:6-8…He transformed Mephibosheth who was stagnated without hope, a refugee living in a barren, unknown land to a celebrity.

Principle 7: In All Things, Give Thanks- In 2nd Samuel 9:6, Mephibosheth fell on his face and worshipped the king. A worshipper of God is a winner any day. No one worships God and remains on the same level. You must praise Him to qualify for His raise in life. He is worthy of your worship. When you worship, you provoke His rains (showers of blessing). You can worship God in: (a) Prayer (b) Praises (c) Giving an offering (d) Holy Communion

Quote of the Edition “You can be talented and still be wasted”

When you lift your hands in holiness, the earth will yield its increase...Psalm 67:5 Psalm 24:3-4.When you worship Him with your offering, you are provoking a divine attention.

When you worship Him at the Holy Communion table, you bring to remembrance His death on the cross and re-enact your deep fellowship and union with Him in His resurrection. All these are ways and forms of worship.

Hebrews 13:15… Bring a sacrifice of praise to God continually. Praise is important for your lifting. It terminates dryness and lack…Psalm 67:3-5. You need grace to be grateful and gratefulness brings gracefulness.

I leave you with God’s blessings, and I look forward to seeing you at the next level, the very top in Jesus name. God bless you!

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

5

» Star Influence of our Time

Bose

A Shining light riding on God’s mercy, meet

1.

Who is Bose, and how did you get into doing gospel music?

2.

What’s your music ministry background?

Wow! Who am I that you are mindful of me O Lord? I’m Sarah Abosede Oreoluwa. By connotation, Oreoluwa means God’s sacrifice. I’m the second of four children. I give God glory for my wonderful parents. I’m married to a wonderful man, a blessing from God. I’m blessed with children. The story of my life from birth to date has been one coloured with God’s mercy, grace and favour. That’s why I can’t stop praising this my awesome God. I’m into Mental Health Nursing and also find fulfilment in doing gospel music.

I’ve always loved to sing. I guess it’s something that’s innate for me. I enjoy singing. To further manifest the gift of singing, I joined the choir when I was back home in Nigeria and was an active member of the All Saint’s Anglican Church choir, Yaba, Lagos, Nigeria. That was where my love and passion for music was ignited. I still remember vividly those beautiful hymns we sang in different musical parts. I was a soprano singer. Just over 20 years ago, I came to this country by divine arrangement. I never gave up singing. I joined the choir in my church. We were to do a musical praise service during a yearly programme 6

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6

and there were opportunities for members of the choir to do special song ministrations. So jokingly, I mentioned that I could also do a special ministration by praising and presenting the numerous names of God in a distinctive and poetic style (orikiOluwa). I was given the opportunity and that was how my music ministry was formally birthed.

3.

What are the life-changing experiences in ministry that have left you with long-lasting impact?

Fellowshipping and serving at RCCG His Glory Tabernacle, London helped further launch my music ministry. I was given the platform and opportunity to grow. Thanks to my father-in-the Lord, pastor Sam Odaudu and every member of RCCG His Glory Tabernacle for their support.

I’ve had the privilege to share the stage and sing along the great men and women of God of our time like Pastor Ron Kenoly, mama Bola Are, Gabriel Eziachi, Mike Aremu and the likes.

Another experience that also sticks was when given the rare opportunity to sing the praises of God (OrikiOluwa) at a small VIP gathering to celebrate Pastor Folu Adeboye’s (fondly called mummy G.O) 70th birthday with the General Overseer (fondly called daddy G.O) and other great men of God in present. I thank God for those privileges and counting me worthy.

What’s your take? Do gospel artistes/musicians need the anointing or skills?

4. Anointing can only be gotten from God but it’s an

onus on musicians/artistes to make maximum use of that anointing by acquiring skills. Talents can be wasted but anointing can’t be bought in shopping centres, so you’ve got to pray for it and put it to good use by adding skills.

Jesus gave one 5 talents, one 2 talents and the other just one talent in Matthew 25. They all got something notwithstanding but while one made good use of what he got, another went and buried his. There are many untapped skills and talents out there and many would probably depart this world without maximising theirs.

having them in my life.

The 4th track was written by myself and my husband and it’s a track everyone should look forward to being blessed by.

6

For a new starter who’s aspiring to be a gospel singer, what would be your pieces of advice?

You need God. I can’t overemphasise the need to be very close to God. You can’t do anything without God, and with Him, you can reach any height. Holy Spirit is the best source of inspiration you can find reliable. You need the gifts and fruits of the Holy spirit to help you touch souls. Effects and all the jamboree can make people jump but can’t touch their souls. You need the power of God via

In a nutshell, if you have skills but no anointing, your ministration can only be counted as entertainment and if you have anointing without skills, your ministration can only be counted as not up to scratch. We need both.

5

What’s special about your new album that lovers of your music should look out for?

Wow! There’s some maturity in my singing from the 1st album to the 2nd album...smiles. God has changed my stories since the 1st album and I am just happy to give Him praise from my heart. I’m where I want to be in life and that gives me more inspiration to express myself in my singing. However, the contributions of my music producer, arranger and husband cannot be overlooked.

They’ve practically made this happen and I’m glad for

Continued on page 8 David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

7

Continued from page 7

Holy spirit to reach the souls of people and draw them to the altar of God. I’ve been in many programmes when the singer was doing everything possible, asking us to jump, shout, smile, clap and do all sorts and at the end of it all, we gave a round of applause. Then someone else comes to do their own ministration and without doing much, their singing stirsup our souls and everyone was on the floor rolling, wailing and crying to God for mercy. Simply put, you can’t give what you don’t have.

You need God!

7

Should we be expectant of greater things from you in the nearest future? Give us a peep into your desires in ministry please.

I’m trusting God for more songs being released in the not too far distant future. Writing songs come by divine inspiration, and I’m enjoying that much now by God’s grace. I’m pushing myself into other genres of music that’s not my comfort zones so you may be hearing new styles of music from me but, to the traditional lovers of my music, I’ll still retain my praises of God’s names... Smiles My uttermost desire is to see more souls being saved into the kingdom of God. I have desire to see those who proclaim to be children of God but still indulging in sins to have a total change of heart and be renewed in the Spirit of God. My ultimate desire is to see myself and all my loved ones make it to the Mega choir in heaven where we will sing in heavenly voices.

8

Final word to lovers & followers of your music all over the world.

Believe it or not, Jesus is coming. Like the Bible says, He will come when we least expect. Let’s live our lives like visitors in this world and keep in mind, we will return ‘home’ one day.

Special thanks to all the pastors who have given me the privilege to be a blessing to their congregations, I am indeed grateful. Thank you for your prayers, encouragement and support over the years.

All lovers of my music should be expectant of new songs dropping soon.

I am already working on them and I know they are songs that will bring down the presence of God. Thank you, David’s Camp, for this privilege.

God bless all.

8

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6

RELATIONSHIP

28 THINGS YOU MUST KNOW BEFORE YOU MARRY A PASTOR

E

very lady has a dream of getting married someday to her prince charming who will fit into her expectations and who she will live happily ever after with but before you go ahead into that marriage if your prince charming is a pastor you really need to get yourself acquainted to the under listed points.

Happy reading.

1.

GET TO KNOW HIS AREA OF CALLING: You need to ask questions from him about which aspect of the ministry he is called into, is it deliverance, faith, healing etc?

Where is he supposed to function in the body of Christ. You need to understand his calling very well and get prepared for the task ahead.

2.

GOD IS HIS EMPLOYER NOT THE CHURCH: Do not expect that because he oversees a large congregation then you will not have financial challenges. Many have the notion that Pastors have free access to Church money and always get disappointed after marrying him. Note that the Pastor is not the sole signatory to Church account, the church is not an ATM.You had better be prepared to spend your personal money on God’s work. If your reason for wanting to marry that Pastor is money induced, please, cancel your wedding.

3.

PREPARE FOR A CHANGE When you get married to a pastor, it will obstruct your plans, change your directions and divert your focus.Dear, there are values that you will have to uphold, actions you will not be able to take, sacrifices you will have to make, your life directions will be significantly affected.How flexible are you?

must do away with self-centeredness and solo life because a pastor is a man of the people.

9.

SLEEPING ALONE The demand of the ministry might require him to travel for ministerial assignments, meetings, and retreats which may take him away from you at nights.

10.

OPPOSE EXTRAVAGANT LIFESTYLE If you must marry a Pastor, you must do away with extravagant lifestyle and be humane. You must not be materialistic lest the church members detest you 11.

ACT OF HOSPITALITY Before you marry a pastor, how hospitable are you? A lot of People will come for counselling in your house and most of them may not be financially strong but you must be hospitable towards them even if they don’t appreciate what you are doing.

12.

PREPARE TO BE A GLOBETROTTER The work of a pastor involves a lot of transfer from city to city and nation to nation. At times, he may not spend up to three months in a location before he gets another letter of transfer.

If you don’t like moving from one place to another, quit your relationship with the pastor now 13.

HE HAS A BOSS He has a Boss –GOD. Do not expect him to put you ahead of his Boss. Help him to serve and obey God in all things.Please, don’t push him against God.

4.

PARTNER IN SERVICE 1 Peter 4: 10, John 13: 13-17, Please, know that you are his partner in service to bless and meet people’s needs in the name of Jesus. You are to serve alongside him, do not go with the mindset that people are to serve you.You must embrace his ministry, learn under him and give him the total support.

14.

MAN OF GOD Before you marry a pastor, please always remember that he is a man. So, do not assume that being a man of God, he does not have sexual urge and temptations like other men, he does.

Maintaining your good looks and shape is very important for you to be able to keep him from falling into temptations.

5.

LADIES PASTOR He will not only be the pastor of men but of ladies too and some of them will be extremely attractive. So, if you are a jealous type, you had better marry someone else and quit your relationship with the Pastor.

15.

GOD’S REPRESENTATIVE Before you marry that pastor, know that he is not just a man but God’s mouthpiece and as His representative, you must respect and treat him as such. Would you be able to?

6.

BIG HEART It is not only a big hat that makes a pastor’s wife but a big heart growing in the Lord and towards the Lord Jesus. You must have a large heart to accommodate and manage different classes of people with varying characters.

16.

NO EVERYDAY ROMANCE Marrying a pastor comes with its own challenges and one of it is that pastor will pray at night.So, sorry no everyday romance in a Pastor’s diary.

7.

NO DEPENDENCY ON PEOPLE FOR AFFIRMATION Before you marry a pastor, you must erase your dependency on people for affirmation and increase your dependency on God for approval.

17.

IT IS A 24/7 JOB: A pastor’s job is 24 hours of the seven days in the week. It fits the slogan - FULL TIME. There may not be time to go out to your favourite restaurant in a long time because of the round the clock attention demands from his church members. Can you cope with this?

8.

RIGHT SPIRIT A positive and caring spirit to serve others will be helpful. You

18.

NOT AN OIL WORKER: Before you marry that pastor, please wake up to the fact that

Continued on page 12

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

9

MENTAL HEALTH

HOW TO DEAL WITH

THE FEAR OF JUDGMENT

THE GIFTS OF VULNERABILITY

BY DR. MARGARET RUTHERFORD

W

hen I first moved back to Arkansas, there were facts about my life I didn’t want others to know. I’d grown up in a small town in southern Arkansas, where everybody knew everything about everybody. And I wasn’t relishing moving from Dallas, where there was a certain amount of anonymity, to the much less populated Fayetteville.

My own inner voice chided, “You’ll be judged if people know you’ve been divorced twice.” I was scared of revealing my own vulnerability.

So, my plan was to keep that information close to the vest. I wouldn’t lie about it if someone asked, but I wouldn’t freely offer those particular details of my background. I was afraid of what others would think. I was coping with shame and I was nervous about not being seeing as a successful person — and certainly not a competent psychologist.

“What does she think she’s doing, trying to help others when her own life has been so messy?”

Sometimes life hands you the lesson you need to learn…

But something happened the first month I moved here that brought the reality of small-town America laughingly into focus. And I had to sigh and accept that my vulnerabilities were out there for all to see.

My husband and I had gone out to celebrate something from his work — his first big account or something like that.

We were at a local steak place — and I unfortunately began to choke and couldn’t breathe. A waiter rushed over, performed the Heimlich manoeuvre, the threatening piece of steak flew out of my mouth and onto the floor, and the other diners cheered.

I was more than embarrassed, although immensely grateful to the waiter.

The next morning, I was out walking, and someone who looked somewhat familiar was coming up the hill as I travelled down. We knew no one when we moved to Fayetteville but had been casually introduced to a few people by our real estate agent. I said, “Good morning” and she replied with, “Hi. How are you?” I said, 10

David’s Camp Magazine

“Great, thanks.” Then she repeated, “No, how are you?” I then realized what this conversation was actually about — the dreaded steak incident.

I had to chuckle. I was definitely back in a small town. News was news. And I needed to learn the lesson that I couldn’t stay in total control.

Dealing with the fear of being judged…

But what if your struggle is mental illness, whether it’s your own, your partner’s or your child’s? What if it’s depression, problems with alcohol or drugs, struggles with panic and worry, restrictive eating or bingeing and purging? You can fear that others will “talk” — and make a judgment.

Of course, it’s true that some people are black and white thinkers. For them, there’s good and bad, right and wrong. No grey area.

Yet this kind of black and white verdict can be hurtful and painful to receive especially when you’re already dealing with feeling the shame you put on yourself; potential judgment or rejection from others can feel like too much to bear.

So, you hide.

And yet, everyone around you — people you respect and turn to for help — may also be struggling.

Struggles don’t define you any more than competencies do…

Maybe your family doctor struggles with insecurity and depression from abuse he experienced as a child. Perhaps your yoga instructor has fought for control and esteem by eating very little or working out too much. Your accountant may be overly perfectionistic and constantly worry over minute details even when at home, or your auto mechanic may have severe dyslexia and bear the emotional scars of being bullied when younger.

None of us are immune. All of us are managing some kind of pain. And that pain doesn’t define us any more than our competencies.

That very doctor is empathic and diagnosed your diabetes before it got out of hand. That yoga instructor has helped you connect with your body and your breath in a way that’s been healing. Your accoun-

www.davidscamp.org

tant has saved you so much on taxes, you can take a vacation. And that mechanic?

He always has a smile for you, an explanation of what went wrong, and how he can fix it.

So how do you confront your fear of judgement? You have to believe that the one thing you want to hide about yourself doesn’t define you; you’re far more complex than that one issue. Fear of rejection has to be overcome, because it keeps you from seeking the treatment, help and simple support that’s available for you.

Plus? Hiding is lonely.

The gifts of vulnerability and openness… and taking the risk…

Since moving here, I’ve definitely moved in the direction of being quite open about my own struggles. It’s been immensely freeing, and I’ve discovered something truly important.

No one I’ve told that I developed panic disorder when I was in my 20’s, and still deal with anxiety, has walked out of my office, claiming I should heal myself before attempting to help others. No one who hears that my senior year of college, I ate around 700 calories a day, barely weighed 100 pounds and have had to work on self-esteem, has informed me that I’m obviously incompetent. No one who’s told me that they’re trying to cope with the sense of failure around a first or second divorce, has ever rejected my help when I tell them I personally understand the path they’re on.

In fact, quite the opposite. When you’re honest with others and allow them to see who you really are, how you actually think and feel, you personally benefit because you’re known for you. There’s nothing to hide.

So, I ask you, “Can you think of at least one person that you could be absolutely truthful with, someone that your intuition or gut tells you would be supportive?”

What do you think would happen if you shared your vulnerability?

This is what others I’ve told me who’ve taken that risk.

Continued on page 11

Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6

17 Signs Of Highly

INTELLIGENT People

1. They have few friends They might have lot of acquaintances, but they are careful to choose friends who are at their level of intelligence.

2. They hate small talk They prefer deep and thoughtful conversations instead of talking about the weather, about how rich someone is or the latest trends.

3. They are good listeners and they talk less They know they have more to learn in listening than in speaking. So they shut their mouth and open wide their eyes and ears.

4. They are curious They google everything, ask any questions, search every subject. They can easily learn from anyone whether younger than them or not up to their standard, they don’t care.

5. They enjoy loneliness They sit by themselves to practice their craft, to reflect about themselves, their values and their objectives rather than waste time with people who won’t add anything positives to their lives.

6. They invest on themselves They know their mind is their most valuable tool. Thus, instead of chasing money, fame or whatever, they go on improving themselves.

7. They are long-term oriented They don’t care about immediate pleasure for later gratification; they take hard decisions that would pay off in the long run.

“They prefer to get the cake tomorrow than get a fish roll today.”

8. They don’t mind people’s opinion They have goals and a mission of life and stick to it no matter what people think. They don’t go around looking for who to like them, rather they appreciate themselves.

9. They are risk takers They know a fulfilling life is beyond their comfort zone. So they are willing to take necessary steps to fulfill their dreams.

10. They are not judgmental Don’t judge people for whatever reasons. They don’t know what is going on in their life, so they would rather keep shut than talk about people when the need to talk arises.

11. They are humble They know how skilled they are, they know they are learned, but they will be laymen in many other areas, so they are dead loyal knowing they are not the boss in all areas.

They know millions of people are richer, so they don’t let their little change/money get into their head.

12. They work hard They know talent is not enough. So they work every day to be the better version of themselves. They take nothing for granted.

13. They take care of their health They know their health is their most important asset. They eat properly, exercise regularly, sleep well and relax.

14. They are lifelong learner They know learning is a lifelong process that does not stop at school or college.

They travel the world, meet new people, learn new languages, and embrace novel experiences.

15. They have a sense of humor They don’t take life too seriously. They laugh at themselves and make people around laugh.

16. They know people are important They are intelligent enough to know they are not better than anybody and believe no one is lesser to them.

17. They don’t take things too personal They also don’t take thing too serious, they don’t really brag, and care less about the glory.

HOW TO DEAL WITH

THE FEAR OF JUDGMENT

Continued from page 10

“When I began talking to my best friend about my sadness and my fight to even get out of bed, sure enough her husband had felt the same way years before.” Or, “I had no idea that his brother had been hospitalized. We sat, had coffee, and talked about it.” Or, “She so got my story, because she told me she’d been to therapy due to what happened to her as a child.”

The risk is worth it. If people judge, let them judge. So be it.

Matthew7:1-2…“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

The freedom you find is worth that risk.

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

11

28 THINGS YOU MUST KNOW

Continued from page 9

he is not an oil and gas worker. So, money may not flow like you think. Although, God’s staff are the best paid in the world over, but will you be able to wait faithfully for God to pay? His timing is totally different. “God doesn’t pay at the end of the month, but He pays at the end.”

19.

CHURCH CONFLICT: Mummy Pastor in the waiting, there will be conflict. Yes, even in the church, people disagree and sometimes flesh might be displayed in a dirty manner. They may form a caucus and gang up against the pastor. Are you mature enough to handle it?

20.

THE PERFECT WIFE: You will be expected to behave perfectly, other women have the right to get angry and show it but not YOU, even your prince charming’s expectation will be higher as he expects you not to demonstrate your displeasure no matter the circumstances. Are you prepared for this?

21.

MUMMY MISSION: Before you marry that pastor, hope you do not have anything against living in the mission house especially if he is a pastor in a denomination where their Pastor must live in the mission house. Please,be informed that the mission house is everybody’s house as the church members can walk in at any time, deny you your privacy, eat your food, empty your drinks, mess up your toilet and you must not complain because the house is built with their money for them to have unhindered access to their Pastor.

22.

PRAY FOR ALL: The elders, deacons, workhate your husband will to you and you still must them and with them, can this?

23.

FORGIVE AND

ers that be known pray for you do

FORGET: Before you marry that pastor, please be informed that you will be expected to forgive and forget offenses fast so as not to hinder the church and the pastor’s prayers.You must have forgiveness in wholesale because members, ministers, deacons, good women, men, girls, the youths and elders will offend you and you must forgive them if you want your husband to excel in his calling.

(24) PERFECT PARENTING: Your children are not expected to make mistakes, display tantrums, be too playful. They are expected to be mini-angels. God help you sister if they are not.

(25) ALL PROGRAMMES: Before you marry a pastor please note that you will be forced to attend all church programmes, no excuse of any kind. If not, the church will be having negative impression about you.

(26) FASTING: As the pastor Mrs, you will fast, and this is not a suggestion but a compulsory thing as it comes with your wedding package.

27. PRAYER MACHINE: Before you marry the pastor, be informed that you will pray when you feel like praying and when you don’t feel like praying .Praying must become your hubby. As you become pastor Mrs, you must know how to PUSH. That is praying until something happens and, in the Ministry, we will never stop praying until Jesus come.

28. LEAD WOMEN: Your good women leader might be as old as your mum, some will try to make you realize that they are older and want to intimidate you, will you be able to handle them with wisdom?