David’s Camp Magazine
Showing the way, the truth, and the life...John 14:6
PROSTATE HEALTH AWARENESS LECTURE PAGE3
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF CHURCH LEAVERS PAGE 11
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GIVE GOD?
PAGE 2
MENTAL HEALTH HOW TO BUILD SELF-ACCEPTANCE WHEN YOU’RE FIGHTING DEPRESSION
Tobi Osho PAGE 10
taking gospel music to another Level!
PAGE 6
MINISTRY VERSUS WIFE!
PAGE 5
IMPREGNATE ME OR I DIE
PAGE 9
issued in the UK
Free Feb/Mar 2019
Letter From THE
EDITOR
David Oluwole-David
a prolific writer, an ardent Bible student, an author and has compassion for the liberation of souls that are yet to know about the faithfulness and goodness of God.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GIVE GOD? Text: Psalm 116:12-17... “How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD. I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people. Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints. O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains. I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD. In the years past, it had been what does God want to give me this year? That can change this year. “You don’t do things the same way and get different results.” Living life to fulfilment is not taking from this world, but giving back. Haven’t you seen people who retired from their active job to spend time doing charity? People like Ali Baba, the wealthy Chinese mogul and owner of Ali Baba Holding Limited. This year, what do you want to offer the God who doesn’t eat your jollof rice and chicken, the God who doesn’t spend pounds, the God who doesn’t drink Red wine? Few people in the Bible offered Him some things that moved Him:. 1. David offered the precious water near the gate of Bethlehem... 2 Samuel 23:15-16...” David longed for water and said, “Oh, that someone would get me a drink of water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem!” So the three mighty warriors broke through the Philistine lines, drew water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem and carried it back to David. But he refused to drink it; instead, he poured it out before the LORD. Far be it from me, LORD, to do this!” he said. “Is it not the blood of men who went at the risk of their lives?” And David would not drink it. Such were the exploits of the three mighty warriors What is so precious to you that you’re willing to let go for God’s use this year? Have you wondered despite being an adulterer and murderer, God still called David ‘a man after mine own heart’? Acts 13:22 2. Solomon offered a thousand burnt offering. 2 Chronicles 2
David’s Camp Magazine
www.davidscamp.org
1:6...”Solomon went up to the bronze altar before the LORD in the tent of meeting and offered a thousand burnt offerings on it.” Some of us can not even offered God a thousand offering in whatever currency. You’ll start giving stories of the unpaid bills. That’s why many still struggle. It cannot be enough because you don’t trust God with the little you have. The widow of Zarephat gave her little. It’s as if Elijah was deaf to her statement: 1 Kings 17:12-14...”As surely as the Lord your God lives,” she replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.” Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, AND THEN MAKE SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR SON. For this is what the Lord, the God of
Editors Olamide Ajayi Bose Oluwole-David
Contributing Writers David Oluwole-David Dr. Margaret Rutherford Eniola Israel Pastor Olamide Ajayi Pastor Layo Afuape Bose Oluwole-David Joshua Tosh Ima Nkanta
Published by David’s Camp Limited, davidscamp.org@mail.com www.davidscamp.org
Designed and printed by shalomwales int’l 07806781603, myprints@mail.com
Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6
HEALTH TALK MEN MUST READ Gentlemen, I am here to speak with you on Prostate. The topic is misleading. Is prostate strictly for men? Yes, ONLY men have prostate and ONLY men over 40 years but the healthcare enlightenment is for everyone. There is no woman who does not know a man 40 years and above, father, uncle, brother, son, friend, neighbour, colleague... Essentially what I will be doing today is health promotion. Responsible health promotion must provide three things: 1. Information 2. Reassurance 3. A plan of action. Let me start with a background on prostate health. Everyone has a pair of kidneys. The job of the kidney is to remove waste. It is the LAWMA (waste management company) of your body. Everyday your blood passes through the kidney several times to be filtered. As the blood is filtered, urine is formed and stored in a temporary storage tank called the urinary bladder. If there were to be no urinary bladder, as a man walks on the road, urine will be dropping. Now think of the plumbing work in your house. Think of the urinary bladder as the overhead storage tank. From the storage tank, a good plumber will run pipes to other parts of the house, including the kitchen. God in His wisdom ran pipes from our urinary bladder to the tip of the penis. The pipe is called the urethra. Just below the bladder and surrounding the urethra is a little organ called the prostate gland. The prostate gland is the size of a walnut and weighs about
MEN MUST READ PROSTATE HEALTH AWARENESS - Rachael Eniola Israel
- A qualified public health practitioner
20grams. Its job is to make the seminal fluid which is stored in the seminal vesicle. During sexual intercourse, seminal fluid comes down the urethra and mixes with the sperms produced in the testicles to form the semen. So semen technically is not sperm. It is sperm + seminal fluid. The seminal fluid lubricates the sperm. After age 40, for reasons that may be hormonal, the prostate gland begins to enlarge. From 20 grams it may grow to almost 100 grams. As it enlarges, it squeezes the urethra and the man begins to notice changes in the way he urinates. If you have a son under 10, if he has a little mischief like we all did at that age, when he comes out to urinate, he can target the ceiling and the jet will hit target. Call his father to do same, wahala dey. His urine stream is weak, cannot travel a long distance and sometimes may come straight down on his legs. So he may need to stand in awkward position to urinate. Not many men will be worried their urine stream cannot hit the ceiling. Toilets are on the floor and not on the ceiling. But other symptoms begin to show.
TERMINAL DRIPPLING: The man begins to notice that after urinating and repacking, urine still drops on his pants. This is the reason why after an older man urinates, he has to ring bell. A younger man simply delivers to the last drop and walks away. Just see an older man coming from the bathroom. Sometimes he may clutch the newspaper closely to hide the urine stains, particularly on plain colored trousers. HESISTANCY At this point you wait longer for the urine flow to start. There are 2
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GIVE GOD? Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’” “The handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug” was enough to sustain the woman for a longer period than she ever thought. Friends of God, you’ve got to trust the Almighty this year and give Him your best. In the last part of 1 Samuel 2:30, God says, “Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained.” I pray this new year, you’ll enjoy God’s honour in Jesus name. In this fourth year edition of the magazine, we feature Nigerian based anointed Tobi Osho, a very wonderful minister of God making waves with his new Single, ‘Onyedikagi’. We also feature very inspiring articles on Men’s health, marriage, mental health and a continuation of the wonderful true life story, ‘impregnate me or I die’ Blessings
David’s Camp Magazine
www.davidscamp.org
3
HEALTH TALK
valves that must open for you to urinate – the internal and external sphincters. Both open but because of obstructions in the urethra, you wait longer for the flow to start. INCOMPLETE EMPTYING You have this feeling immediately after urinating that there is still something left. As all these things happen, the bladder begins to work harder to compensate for the obstruction in the urethra. The frequency of urination goes up. Urgency sets in. Sometimes you have to practically run into the toilet. Nocturia also becomes common. You wake up more than 2 times at night to urinate. Your wife begins to complain. Men being men may not talk to anyone even at this point. Then the more serious complications start. Stored urine gets infected and there may be burning sensation when urinating. Stored urine forms crystals. Crystals come together to form stone either in the bladder or in the kidney. Stones may block the urethra. Chronic urinary retention sets in. The bladder stores more and more urine. The size of the bladder is 40 - 60cl. A bottle of coke is 50cl. As the bladder stores more urine it can enlarge up to 300cl. An overfilled bladder may leak and this leads to wetting / urinary incontinence. Also the volume may put pressure on the kidney and may lead to kidney damage. What may likely bring the man to hospital is acute urinary retention. He wakes up one day and he is not able to pass urine. Everything I have described above is associated with prostate enlargement, technically called benign prostate hyperplasia. There are other diseases of the prostate like: 1. Prostatitis – inflammation of the prostate 2. Prostate cancer – cancer of the prostate. This discussion is on prostate enlargement. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that everyman will have prostate enlargement if he lives long enough. The good news is that there are life style changes that can help the man after 40 to maintain optimum prostate health.
NUTRITION Look at what you eat. 33% of all cancers, according to the US National Cancer Institute is related to what we eat. Red meat everyday triples your chances of prostate disease. Milk everyday doubles your risk. Not taking fruits / vegetables daily quadruples your risk. Tomatoes are very good for men. If that is the only thing your wife can present in the evening, eat it with joy. It has loads of lycopene. Lycopene is the most potent natural antioxidant. Foods that are rich in zinc are also good for men. We recommend 4
David’s Camp Magazine
www.davidscamp.org
MEN MUST READ
PROSTATE HEALTH AWARENESS pumpkin seeds (ugbogulu). Zinc is about the most essential element for male sexuality and fertility. Men need more zinc than women. Every time a man ejaculates he loses 15mg of zinc. Zinc is also important for alcohol metabolism. Your liver needs zinc to metabolize alcohol. ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION As men begin to have urinary symptoms associated with prostate enlargement, it is important they look at alcohol consumption. More fluid in means more fluid out. Drink less. Drink slowly. EXERCISE Exercise helps build the muscle tone. Every man should exercise. Men over 40 should avoid high impact exercise like jogging. It puts pressure on the knees. Cycling is bad news for the prostate. We recommend brisk walking. SITTING When we sit, two-third of our weight rests on the pelvic bones. Men who sit longer are more prone to prostate symptoms. Do not sit for long hours. Walk around as often as you can. Sit on comfortable chairs. We recommend a divided saddle chair if you must sit long hours. DRESSING Men should avoid tight underwear. It impacts circulation around the groin and heats it up a bit. While the physiological temperature is 37 degrees, the groin has an optimal temperature of about 33 degrees. Pant is a no - no for men. Wear boxers. Wear breathable clothing. SMOKING Avoid smoking. It affects blood vessels and impact circulation around the groin. SEX Regular sex is good for the prostate. Celibates are more prone to prostate illness. While celibacy is a moral decision, it is not a biological adaptation. Your prostate gland is designed to empty its contents regularly.
Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6 MINISTRY
MINISTRY VERSUS WIFE! (YONGGI CHO’S STORY)
“...After my wife and I were married, I brought her to our apartment, and after about a week, I began to go out on evangelistic preaching missions. I would preach in my church on Sunday, and then, on Monday, I would go out preaching. I came home only on weekends and brought my laundry to my wife. This went on for six months while I burned with ambition to become an evangelist. For a while my wife was very kind. When I came back from my evangelistic campaigns, she would rush out to the door and welcome me. She loved me, and she would cook a good meal for me. But as month after month passed and there was no change in this routine, she became depressed. She wouldn’t welcome me. She cried often. Even the meals were not very good. Something was wrong. At that time, my wife was very shy, because we were newly married. She never said anything to me about what was wrong. I tried to cheer her up by joking and so on, but nothing seemed to help. Finally, one day, my mother in law came to me and said, “Yonggi, do you like living with my daughter?” “Yes, of course,” I said. “Well,” she said, “you are going to lose her if you keep treating her this way.” “Why, what do you mean?” I asked, shocked. “I treat her very nicely. I got her this nice apartment, and I make sure she has plenty of food and very good clothes. What more can I do? I am treating her very nicely.” Then my mother in law looked into my eyes and said, “Son, you don’t understand. You didn’t bring a ‘thing’ into your home. You brought a person to your home. A person can’t live in an apartment with just rice and clothes and money. She needs love, recognition, fellowship.” I thought about that for a very long time. My immediate reaction was, “That’s from the devil! Here I am working for the Lord. Why should she put so many demands on
me for affection, care and concern?” But my wife continued to become more and more depressed, and eventually, some warning signs stirred in my heart. So, I went before the Lord, and I prayed, “Lord, it seems that I am going to have to choose between one of two things - my ministry or my wife. Your glory and my ministry are far more important than my wife. If I need to lose one of them, then I will have to lose my wife, because my ministry means more to me than she does. God, either correct her or let us be separated. I’d rather live the rest of my life alone and carry on my ministry.” Then the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, and He said, “No, no, no. You are greatly mistaken in your priorities. So far you have put God first, church second, yourself third, and you are putting your wife last. You have made a grave mistake. Of course, God must be first, but the rest of your priorities need to be arranged. You should come second, and your wife should come third. When you have children, they should come fourth, and then, church should be last.” I thought about that, and I was in great consternation. “This must be an American devil,” I said. “We can’t accept this kind of thinking in the Orient.” “Oh, no, this is not America, this is my way. God must be first, but you must come second, because you need to live a holy life to carry out this ministry. You are very important. Next, your wife must come right after you. If you ever lose your wife and become divorced, no one will ever listen to you again. Your ministry will be gone. You may build a tremendous church, but if your home becomes broken, you will lose your ministry. Having fellowship with your wife is more important than building a church, because the whole church is dependent on your home life. You will bring more disgrace to the ministry by being divorced than all the other benefits you might otherwise bring. Also,
BY DR. YONGGI CHO
all Christians will be looking at your children. If your children become rebellious and get into trouble, like the prodigal son, who is going to listen to you? Your primary ministry should be to your children. Your children should be the number one members of your church. Then all together, you, your wife and your children will build the church. Take your wife as a very important asset to your ministry, and nurture your relationship with her.” I thought that sounded too risky at the time, but I decided to give it a try. I cancelled a lot of my evangelistic campaigns, and I made a definite promise to spend every Monday with my wife. I said I will do anything on Mondays that my wife wanted me to do. If she wanted to go to the park, I would go with her to the park. If she wanted to go to the departmental store, I would almost break my backbone following her, but I would do it. Then, we would sit down and have a nice dinner together. And every morning, I would say to my wife, “Honey, I love you. You are very pretty. You’re wonderful. I’m a lucky guy to have you.” Then a miracle occurred. My wife began to pull out of her depression. Her expression changed, and that buoyant spirit returned to her heart. She began to smile, and then to laugh and be cheerful and mischievous. After a while, she began to cook meals again. We had a wonderful fellowship! We began to pray together and to plan the ministry together. I had found the answer. To have a real home life, you need to have real fellowship with each other. You can’t bring your wife home and expect her to live there alone with only the house, the money, the cloths, and the food. A wife is more than that; she’s a person.” -Dr David Yonggi Cho, pastor of the world’s largest church. David’s Camp Magazine
www.davidscamp.org
5
» Star Influence of our Time
Tobi Osho 1.
Who is Tobi Osho? Give us a brief background about your upbringing please.
Tobi Osho is the first child of a family of 4 children from Ogun state, Nigeria. I’m a graduate of Psychology at the Covenant University, Nigeria.
How did you get into music? For you, is it a calling or a skill?
2.
For me music is a calling. Yes, at some point, I had to develop the gift but it was first a calling. I had series of divine encounters but the most striking one was the one I had in church during a church service at the age of 8. After giving us a charge on purpose, the Pastor told us to pray. Then I saw myself in a trance, singing at a very large gathering to the congregation. People with different ailments getting healed. Many people were rejoicing. It was so real I saw a man in white robe (assuming He’s Jesus) standing by my side. However, I wouldn’t have been able to follow this path but for the help of the choir music director in my church at the time, Mrs Abimbola Bajomo, who convinced my dad to let me join the choir praise team. So music is a calling for me, even though I had to work on it to be more skillful.
3.
Why gospel and not secular music where you can get more money and fame?
The reason it is gospel and not secular music is very simple. Apart from being called into this ministry, I believe music is one of the major elements created by God. But of course we all know the Lucifer story, that is why he is doing everything in his might to mess it up. Music is meant to define Who God is. As regards Fame and money, the devil always tries to give us what is already ours (fame and money) but
6
David’s Camp Magazine
www.davidscamp.org
Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6
with conditions. Jesus is still the most famous. Can you magine if Jesus had bowed when the devil came to tempt him on his 30days fast? So fame and money will surely come for everyone who is diligent enough with what God has called them to do but shouldn’t be their drive. Whereas, in the West, I don’t think the acceptance or popularity is as much. These comparisons above pertain more to Europe and other western world apart from the United States of America. America, I believe, is similar to Africa in these regards because of the African-Americans.
are your musical achievements? Which is 4. What your unforgettable one? Music achievements, hmmmm... God has been faithful. In my first year of being in the university, I was the first student in the history of the university to sing at an annual final year students’ music concert. On the day of my graduation also, I was given an award for musical excellence and a cheque of 6 figures. In 2017, at the MEGA AWARDS, I also won the best contemporary gospel song with the “atobajaiye” song featuring the sensational Kenny Kore to God’s glory.. It has been from one level to another. I bless God for all He’s using me to do in His kingdom.
5
Amongst musicians, which do you love to work with, the ones with the anointing or the ones with the skills?
I definitely would work with both... Lol I’m of the belief that the fact that worshipping God in truth and in spirit should not reduce the quality of our worship. We should be intentional and skillful in our worship. Mediocrity is not of God. When we see the works of our Father (creation), we know the kind of person He is. And so I won’t compromise one for another. Both are important.
6
Do you think gospel artistes and musicians are well supported and appreciated in the ministry? To be honest, I would say No! At least from my experience, I think the church needs to do more to support their gifted and anointed people. Some churches are doing a lot but they should do more so these musicians and artistes can remain focus and diligent in what they have been called to do.
Who’s your mentor? Whose style of music shaped you?
My mentor is Pastor Isaiah, a full time pastor and music minister who is based in Ghana. There’s also Pastor Travis Greene who is also a full time pastor and recording artist. My style of music was shaped by Jmoss, smoke norful, Jonathan McReynolds, Detrick Haddon, Nathaniel bassey.
7
Have you done any albums yet? Anything cooking in the studio to which to look forward?
I released an Ep last year titled “beyond sound”. There were so many testimonies from the Ep, and most recently I released a new song titled “Onyedikagi”...All these songs are on iTunes, Amazon, spotify. But by the grace of God, I’m currently working on my album, which will be released soon David’s Camp Magazine
www.davidscamp.org
Continued on page 10
7
9
Any word for your followers and those who look up to you as a mentor in the music ministry?
My advice to my followers and protégées, is to remain consistent with whatever God has called you to do. Don’t compromise because of what you are going through. The process Mr A went through is not the same process Mr B will go through. The pregnancy of an elephant takes time compared to that of a dog. The difference is in what they are carrying. As long as the earth remains, seed time and harvest time will not cease, says the Word of God. In due season, you will be announced. Secondly, if possible, get something to do aside ministry. As we all know, to do ministry in this day and age, you need some money. There are some lights that will not shine if money is not invested. Thirdly, make sure you serve somewhere, don’t be your own pastor. My prayer is that in the end, we will not lose our rewards. On the last day, we will reign with the King in heaven in Jesus name. I love you all so much, keep listening to my music and watch out for my album dropping this year by God’s grace.
8
David’s Camp Magazine
www.davidscamp.org
Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6
RELATIONSHIP
IMPREGNATE ME OR I DIE PART TWO
We graduated on the 18th September and it was celebration galore. I went back to Abuja to my parents to await my NYSC posting while Sally decided to stay back in Kano because she was offered a teaching job in one of the best private schools in Kano. It was the custom of the school to seek for the best graduating students in the University to offer a job with tempting pay. Sally though wasn’t the best student in our department but she was one of the best, she was preferred because she is from the north and could speak Hausa very well. She worked with the school for seven months when our posting came. The school owner has solid influence in the University and could influence Sally’s posting. Sally was posted to Kano after the school proprietor had pressed his buttons. You can’t imagine how much a private school was paying Sally, a semi graduate. We later learnt the school proprietor could spend fortune on his English and Mathematics teachers. When I came to collect my result, I spent three days with Sally in her one room self-contained apartment. Her lifestyle was now more terrible than when we were in school. I was posted to Lokoja for my Youth service. By that time, Daniel was already engaged with a girl he impregnated. I was disappointed but he explained everything to me and apologized for betraying me. His mother wanted him to marry the girl instead of waiting for me to complete my education. Unfortunately, we had two strikes that extended our stay in school beyond four years. He tried to resist the girl but his mother connived with the girl and played smart on him. I was sorry for him because I know he’s not the tough type. That was the end of my journey with Daniel. It was a bit painful because I had turned down all proposals from all the guys I met in school because of Daniel. I moved on with my life as I reported to Lokoja for my Youth service program. At Lokoja, I met an Ebira guy, Omeiza by name. He was just the perfect guy I could have something serious with. He works with Kogi State ministry of finance, a Christian per excellence. He lived in a well furnished two bedroom apartment and he was relatively comfortable. His salary was not much but he was from a royal family and his father willed some of his properties in and outside Lokoja to him before he died. He had just two brothers, one lived in the US while the other is an officer in the Nigerian Army. I met Omeiza through a friend in our church. I called her my friend because we were both in the church choir together. Omeiza did not let me feel the vacuum created by Daniel. He was all over me all through my service year in Lokoja. ‘Maryam, you will be completing your service in a month’s time, I will like you to take me to your parents next week. I have also concluded arrangements to take you to my people this weekend,’ he said. I was perplexed, I had never introduced anyone to my parents as my man, how will I do this? What will I tell Mrs Ladidi, the iron lady? I began to rehearse how I will tell my mom that I now had a fiance. I called Sally to advice me on how to present it to my parents that I was bringing my boyfriend to the house when she broke the news to me. ‘Maryam my wedding will be coming up in July and you’re gonna be my chief bride maid.’ July 4th was our proposed date with Omeiza but I didn’t bother to tell her on phone. I was happy for my friend that she will be settling down at last. We talked at length about the guy, the wedding and lots more. Immediately she dropped the call I remembered all the abortions Sally had done, would she be able to get pregnant again especially with the last experience? I really feared for her. I told Omeiza about Sally and her wedding plans, so we shifted ours to a further date in September in order to provide the needed support for my friend’s wedding.
After the lecture from Sally on how to present my boyfriend to my parents, I called my mom and repeated almost word to word everything Sally told me to my mom with a shaky voice. Sincerely I was shocked at my mom’s response, I was expecting a shout like usual but this time it was different. The salutation was different, her voice was cooler, her words of praises gave me confidence that I was doing the right thing. This was the first time I had the guts to talk to my mom about a man. I was expecting her to say “make sure he doesn’t touch you” or “you must not allow him see your pant” as usual but I was disappointed. She was happy and promised to tell my dad about our proposed visit. We first traveled to Okene to see his family. Their house was big, what do you expect from a royal family? Everyone accepted me, his aged mother made me sit on her laps like a baby, wow I felt like a princess for the two days we stayed in Okene. It was like we already married, his people were lovely and hospitable. We all went to church on Sunday in the family Sienna car, his mother, two cousin sisters and myself sitting in front of the car with Omeiza like the queen of Ohinohi, hahaha. We left Okene very early in the morning on Monday to report directly to our places of work. Okene to Lokoja was less than an hour drive. When we arrived Lokoja I was thinking of how we will pass the night in my house, our house in Abuja isn’t as big as Omeiza’s house in Okene where I had a whole big room to myself. The thought of how to pass the night in Abuja with Omeiza became my major problem. We left for Abuja on Friday afternoon. On arrival my mom was all over him, ‘my son that, my son this.’ She barely had time for me. He was led to the dinning table and my mom served my boyfriend a sumptuous meal, this is unbelievable. Mrs Ladidi had changed. I couldn’t comprehend her sudden change for quite a while. Immediately after the dinner, I began to think about where to sleep. My mom had everything planned out without me knowing. She had asked my sisters to moved their things temporarily to her room, the same room she shared with my dad. Maryam, let my son go and rest as she pointed to the other room, of course there are only two rooms. The second room was our room but the arrangement was amazing this time. The two of us were to use the room while my two sisters use the sitting room. How can my mom trust me and a man inside a room all the night after all her teachings? I was not comfortable with the arrangement so I led Omeiza to the room and joined my sisters at the sitting room. She came out at about 10:30pm and saw me at the sitting room with my sisters and almost got angry, you left only him in the room? She asked angrily. I couldn’t say a word but quickly joined him in the room. I had to take two weeks break from work to be with Sally for her wedding preparations. We planned and executed every bit of her wedding decisions together. The wedding was okay because Sally’s husband worked with an oil company in Porthacourt; and with a fat salary, they could afford everything they wanted for the wedding. He had come for a two-week official assignment in Kano where he met with Sally. I felt for him considering the past life of my friend. Will she be able to give him a child at all? This was my thought all through the wedding. The wedding ended and I took off on Monday morning back to Lokoja. My wedding was in a month’s time, and I needed to put myself together so that I can be strong enough to go through the stress. I was shocked to my bones when Sally told me she won’t be coming for my wedding. ‘Why won’t you attend my wedding after all I went through to make yours a success?’ I protested. How can she be absent at my wedding? ‘No way, Sally I know you are joking,’ I said, laughing over the phone. ‘Maryam you won’t understand.’ she said. ‘On my wedding day, I was already two Continued on page 12 David’s Camp Magazine
www.davidscamp.org
9
MENTAL HEALTH
HOW TO BUILD SELF-ACCEPTANCE WHEN YOU’RE FIGHTING
DEPRESSION
BY DR. MARGARET RUTHERFORD
What does depression feel like? Andrew Solomon, a journalist and author who has suffered with severe depression wrote, “The opposite of depression isn’t happiness, but vitality.” The self you’ve known yourself to be has either vanished suddenly, due to some kind of horrific loss or trauma, or it’s slipped away slowly, the natural result of stress, conflict, or inner voices chanting that you’re worthless or unacceptable. Your body can hurt. A yawning emptiness can pervade what you think and feel. “I don’t care,” begins to come out of your mouth. A lot. But what if I suggest to you that you have to accept your depression before you can heal? The role self-acceptance plays in healing from depression... You hate feeling the way you do. The self you once were has disappeared, and has been replaced by someone who struggles to brush their teeth, or wants to stay in bed instead of facing the world. To make matters worse, you can blame yourself because you don’t understand what has invaded your mind. You can’t laugh, or if you do, it can feel false and pressured. You can’t even muster up a believable smile, because everything feels bleak. Why would you want to accept something that’s so devastating? Does self-acceptance mean you give up trying to change for the better? No. It doesn’t. Acceptance is very different from apathy or resignation. Self-acceptance means identifying your strengths and your vulnerabilities, the total package of who you are. 10
David’s Camp Magazine
Think for a moment about the people you love. You’ve most likely loved them not only for their talents, their wit, or their caring, but you’ve also accepted their vulnerabilities. You know they get impatient, or they can’t cook, or they get nervous at parties. You’ve understood their battle with insecurity or self-doubt. You’ve accepted the entirety of their being. That’s love. That’s what knowing someone, truly knowing them, is all about. Self-acceptance is the act of doing that same thing for yourself. Your strengths are not all of who you are, nor are your vulnerabilities. No one fact about you — defines you. How acceptance confronts denial… So why is accepting depression so vital? Because it means you’re no longer denying it. You’re seeing it for what it is. Acceptance isn’t resignation. Far from it. You have to accept having cancer before you can fight it. You have to accept an addiction before you can find the humility to admit its power over you. And you have to accept depression before you can learn to understand and alter its hold over your mind. You can find your self again. But what if you don’t realize that you’re depressed? What if you’ve learned to work extremely hard to cover up any emotional struggle? You’ve been yelled at for crying. You’ve been ridiculed for looking sad. It’s your job to please. You’re quick to suppress painful feelings and put immense pressure on yourself to be successful. No one would ever guess depression lies underneath that facade. No one.
www.davidscamp.org
I’ve termed this Perfectly Hidden Depression — a syndrome or group of behaviors that can fool mental health practitioners. It doesn’t look like emptiness, or loss of engagement. There’s no seeming vitality missing. It’s been carefully concealed with years of practice, or the coverup has become second nature and slid into an unconscious strategy. You may have learned to hide pain so well, you may even have a hard time remembering how to feel it. The role of self-acceptance in Perfectly Hidden Depression… How does self-acceptance come into play with PHD? It’s the antidote for PHD. It’s the opposite of constant self-criticism. If you identify with PHD, two of the things you may fear most are exposure and loss of control. When you begin to consider dismantling the carefully executed life that you’ve created, you can gently confront that fear. You can balance a perceived loss of control with a new definition of safety – the safety found in vulnerability and openness. As you acknowledge your own ability and habit of covering up who you are, and as you begin to taste the freedom and fulfillment in honoring your entire being, powerful change is inevitable. What can unfold is your own complete emotional and mental potential, perhaps for the first time in your life. You can choose how and when to make these changes known to others who you trust. Yet as you step out of the prison of the perfect persona, you can discover the peace of self-acceptance.
Showing the way the truth and the Life...john 14:6
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF CHURCH LEAVERS: It is no more news that people leave their churches to join another. The reasons for leaving a church varies from church to church, and from individual to individual.
turned to a bad church because you left? Please brother x, you can go while we stay. If we must leave, it must not be because you told us to leave. Every man will give account of himself in the judgement day.
The fact is that there are no perfect churches and perfect Pastors. The issues you run away from unresolved will meet you in your new church. In most cases when people leave a church, they try to link up with someone who left the church before them to form a group that will begin to wish and even pray that the church which they left will fail and fall. They will initiate a gossip platform and concentrate more on the weaknesses of the church, the lead minister or Ministers of the denomination they have left. They will fight tenaciously to recruit more members to leave the church so that they can see the church fail and fall to prove and justify why they left. Most of those who leave a church will always find it so difficult to move on with their lives and leave the Church alone. They are always having itchy ears and still want to get negative information about the church they have left. If they ever happen to hear any good testimonies about the church they have left, they will feel so sad and will not share the testimonies in their church leavers association. They will cunningly and secretly formulate lies against the church they have left to discourage new coming members and weaken the existing members. The friend of a church leaver asked one very angry church leaver, “My brother, if that church that fed and nourished you with the Word of God closes down, what benefit will you derive? Is it The same church that wedded you and your wife and dedicated all your children, you built your personal house while you were in that church, suddenly that same church that dedicated your cars have become an evil church because you are offended. You are fighting day and night to justify that you were right leaving the church? Why do you spread lies and hatred against the church that raised you up. Meanwhile, you told us to join this same church, Suddenly the church you told us to join have
I counsel you to try and find peace with God and with those whom you feel offended you. Please leave us to join our Pastor to build or rebuild our church that you have left. Please you are free to come back anytime and meet us here to continue from where you stopped. We love you still, Jesus Christ loves you more. Any association that gathers to scatter what Jesus Christ is building is an evil association, such association will not stand. Sir, you are not fighting that Pastor you now hate with passion, nor that church that you are trying to scatter, it is the Holy Spirit that you are coming against. I counsel you to Repent now from this evil path that you have chosen, because you still have this window of grace open to you, else you may become history. The Church and churches have seen more formidable and ferocious enemies that fought it, yet the Church of Jesus Christ is marching on. Those who fought the church in history are no where to be found except in some dusty museums of Europe. Note that the only person who can leave a church and the church closes down is the Holy Spirit not you, not even your most formidable association of church leavers. The Head of the Church, Jesus Christ said “I will build my Church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail” Beloved Sir, don’t try to fight God, while you think you are fighting men in the church. Uzzah was trying to help God by steadying the ark on the cart, and God killed him. Why! why!! why!!! Continued on page 12 I don’t have the answer till date. David’s Camp Magazine
www.davidscamp.org
11
IMPREGNATE ME OR I DIE PART TWO
Continued from page 9
months pregnant and the doctor had advised me not to engage in strenuous activities in my first trimester.’ ‘Sally, you are what?’ I asked in surprise. It was a mixed feelings for me, I was happy she was pregnant and also unhappy she won’t make it to my wedding. But how could she be pregnant? after the last abortion the doctor told her that her chances of getting pregnant within the next five years is less than 7%. I would have ascribed this to a miracle but Sally was the least to enjoy God’s grace. I was happy for her, my fears had been taken away. But many questions ran through my mind; does God show mercy on unrepentant persons? To the best of knowledge, Sally is still a chronic sinner. Three of her boyfriends still sent her money while I was with her in the build up to her wedding. I was aware she still went to see Alhaji Ado in his hotel room four days to her wedding. I concluded, “His ways are not our ways” and left the matter at that. I began to plan for my own wedding as the day drew near. Sally and her husband sent me N300,000 to support my wedding plans. Three days to the D day I became feverish for thoughts and fears of sleeping with a man for the first time. I was told the first experience is not always funny especially at my age. I became so weak that I was taken to the hospital where I was given two drips before I was discharged. Everything went well, my mom was proud of me marrying at 29 as a virgin. My mom had taught me everything I needed to know and do as a new bride. On our first night together as husband and wife, my husband could not believe I was still a virgin when he couldn’t penetrate me. I had never told him I was a virgin either. After much struggle without success, he took a break and went downstairs as if he was going to buy something but I saw him making a call. He must have called a friend to narrate his experience. He came back after about 30 minutes with smile all over his face. Maryam, you are still a virgin? I smiled, I was proud of myself and my mom. My dream to give my virginity to my husband had finally come to reality. This time he knew what to do, he must have been taught from the phone conversation he had. That night he made a lot of promises to me including buying me a car. Been with Omeiza for one week without interruption from work and families was the best thing that ever happened to me. We gisted, played games, watched movies, ate and slept all through the week. We could go a whole day without seeing the sun, it was fun, fun and more fun. I knew I won’t escape been pregnant after a two week continuous sexual intercourse. One month after I started feeling funny in my body, of course I needed no laboratory test to know what was going on in my system. I was so weak that my husband will have to close on time from work to help me do some house chores. ‘You need to see the doctor,’ Omeiza pleaded. ‘I will see the doctor at the right time, I will be fine,’ I assured him. To be continued......
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF CHURCH LEAVERS:
Continued from page 11
Allow God to run His Church with the type of men He has chosen. The men may not meet your personal standard and qualifications, but God uses foolish things, weak things, mightless things to confound the wise and strong. There are many good Pastors laboring day and night for the church to grow. If you must leave, please leave with peace and not in pieces. The pain you give to a church today may take away your pleasure for Tommorow. Pray for that church you left and pray for that Pastor or member who offended you that made you to decide to leave the church. Stop speaking evil and lies about that church and the Pastor. Enjoy your new church and leave others in your old church to enjoy their church too. PRAYER FOR PASTORS: Dear Lord, grant extra grace, wisdom and power to your men whom you have called to shepherd your flock. Encourage the discouraged, lift up the fallen and heal the broken hearted in the name of Jesus Christ
