July aug issue

David’s Camp Magazine

issued in the UK

Free | July/Aug 2016

Showing the way, the truth, and the life...John 14:6

We finally caught up with the ever smiling, humble, versatile, multi-talented and anointed gospel music genius

EVANS OGBOI PAGE 6

PLANTED, BUT NOT BURIED PAGE 9

10 THINGS PASTORS ABSOLUTELY HATE TO ADMIT PUBLICLY PAGE 5

7 THINGS CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD DO TO KEEP THEIR KIDS FROM ABANDONING GOD PAGE 11

GIVE YOUR LIFE A LIFT PAGE 4

1 0 Things Wives

need But Won’t Tell You! PAGE 8

Letter From

David’s camp Magazine

THE EDITOR F

ew years ago, a friend of mine told me a very funny but interesting true life incidence that he witnessed.

According to my friend: There’s this hospital somewhere in Africa, full of many patients. The sick, those with amputated legs, those who are about to give birth, and all sorts of people who are unwell. A typical hospital setting. Then one day, there was fire outbreak.

In that part of the world, when there’s fire outbreak and you call the fire brigade service, you would be fortunate if they show up few hours later. Sometimes, they arrive with almost an empty tank of water and lack the right tools to extinguish the fire.

At this hospital where there was fire outbreak, the patients and members of staff knew they either put out the fire by themselves or run for their lives. They went for the latter option.

According to my friend, there you go, people running for their lives.

The patient with one leg amputated, outrunning the nurses & doctors with two legs. The dying patient in the theatre jumped up and ran for his life, surgeons amused how he could run so fast, being that he was extremely unwell. During this pandemonium, everyone ran for their lives.

Anytime I remember this story by my friend, I laugh and laugh uncontrollably. The intriguing question is: “How were the people that were very unwell able to jump out of bed and run so much, leaving behind their carers?” Imagine the one with the amputated leg running and forgetting to pick his crutch.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10...”I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me. But the Lord said, “My grace is all you need. Only when you are weak can everything be done completely by my power.” So I will gladly boast about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can stay in me.” (ERV) The above scripture answered the intriguing question in the funny incidence told to me by my friend above. Have you ever noticed you find yourself doing things you can never imagine you could do when you are helpless and you have no alternatives?

Where did the power and grace come from? Where did the extremely unwell get the power to jump out of his sick bed and run for his life when the fire outbreak occurred?

Where did the guy with an amputated leg get the strength to outrun those with two legs?

How many times have you said the prayer, “May the grace of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Love of God and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us now and forever more?” And you wonder, where is the grace?

The grace has been there from your birth, deposited by God. I agree there are levels of God’s grace but we all have a measure of God’s grace embodied in us. All you need to do is trust in God, rely on the grace and you will manifest it.

2

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

Oluwole David Editor in Chief

Apostle Paul had a problem. As a senior apostle, you would expect that whatever he asks from God, he would get it. No! Even the great men of God don’t get answers to all their prayers. There are some prayer requests God will say, “Not now”, “I have a better plan”, “You don’t need that”, and sometimes He just says, “No!” That is why He is an unquestionable God. However, one thing constant in every child of God is His grace. You carry His grace and I can tell you friends, “His grace is sufficient for you.”

I pray for the rest of this year and beyond, may you enjoy God’s grace in Jesus name.

I thank very specially all who continue to encourage, support and pray for us as we break more grounds with hard copies of the magazine being distributed and read in more countries across Europe, Africa and here in the U.K. I thank all our contributing writers for wonderful articles to bless our readers. Special thanks to Pastor Olamide Ajayi for his informative article, “Give Your Life a Lift.” Very inspiring.

In this edition, we also caught up with the multi-talented, humble, ever- smiling and anointed Evans Ogboi, one of the most sought after gospel artistes in the U.K. You sure will be blessed by the interview we had with him.

I hope one way or the other, the information in this magazine be of great blessing to you.

Every blessing.

We’ll be happy to receive your feedbacks, you can please send your e-mail to - davidcampministry2013@gmail.com. You can also visit our website:www.davidscamp.org

Associate Editors Bayo Coker, Ibrahim Adebeshin

Contributing Writers Adebayo Coker Olamide Ajayi

Oluwole David Matt Boswell Frank Powell Published by David’s Camp Limited, davidscamp.org@mail.com www.davidscamp.org

Designed and printed by shalomwales int’l 07806781603, myprints@shalomwales.com

PURPOSE

PLANTED, BUT NOT BURIED - Oluwole David

“Good people are like budding palm trees. They grow strong like the cedar trees of Lebanon. They are planted in the house[b] of the Lord. They grow strong there in the courtyards of our God. Even when they are old, they will continue producing fruit like young, healthy trees...Psalm 92:12-15 (ERV)

“Whenever God wants to make a man great, He always break him in pieces first.” Ask any true child of God doing exploits in ministry or watch them closely, one thing you find very commonly in their lives is humility.

No matter how much prayerful you are, how eloquent you are in preaching the gospel or in whatever capacity you are doing well in both secular and ministry works, when you experience loss in a great dimension, you suddenly become humble willingly. And if you have been humble before, your humility gets an upgrade.

You suddenly realise though you can pray firing prayers, you can’t answer them yourself; though you can preach the gospel eloquently, you can’t save the soul of any man; though you fasted and prayed concerning that situation, the result was still negative.

This is when proper, undiluted and genuine humility sets in. You then realise God is unquestionable and it is in Him alone that you live and enjoy your being.

But I have good news for anyone reading this magazine that’s experiencing what I just described above...” You are being planted not buried.” Please, always remember the fact: “God doesn’t bury His wounded, He heals them.”

1 Corinthians 15:36 says, “When you plant something, it must die in the ground before it can live and grow.” (ERV) There are a few similarities and differences between something planted and something buried. Let’s look at few of them: 1. Something planted and something buried both involve digging the ground and putting something in there. That requires efforts.

2. Whatever you plant or bury both die. Before a plant can germinate and produce fruits, it dies first. Is it possible that what you are going through right now is ‘dying’ in a context to some old bad habits before germinating and bearing fruits?

3. While whatever is buried decays and becomes carcasses, whatever is planted germinates and springs back to life.

4. When there is no hope anymore for the buried, there is hope for the planted. Job 14:7...”There is always hope

for a tree. If it is cut down, it can grow again. It will keep sending out new branches.”

5. Moses was planted for 40 years. He thought his career would sadly be a shepherd of sheep, God had other plans which was to make Moses shepherd of His children. After being planted for 40 years, the man Moses was referred to as the most humble man in history. The planted Moses of 40 years became a great man of God, so great after distributing his anointing into the lives of 70 elders, he still had much in stock.

6. Joseph was planted; in fact, he was even thrown into the pit but after 13 years, he became a premier. The one his brother thought had been sold, buried and forgotten, became a respected figure in the world economy.

7. Jesus was planted, not buried. For 30 years, He was germinating, fertilising. That was why when He arose, you and I can boldly confess as being children of God. When the planted Jesus arose from the river, God said,” this indeed is my beloved Son.” The devil again thought the buried Jesus in the tomb was finished but the risen King arose after three days re-branded. Brethren I decree into your lives, when you finish germinating and begin to show forth your fruits, your generation will declare you a blessing in Jesus name.

8. While people can walk, match or drive on the buried, the planted cannot be crushed because the beauty of its fruits will attract attention.

Friends, whatever you are going through at the moment, be aware you are just germinating. And if you ask farmers, they will tell you fertilisers don’t smell good.

When you are planted, you need to be fertilised or manured. This means you have to get dirty which is why you are experiencing all these insults, embarrassments and disgrace. Please, know that all these are the MESS you need to go through before your MESSAGE can be sweet. You can’t preach effectively what you learn at the Bible college. It is what you experience that you can easily teach, especially experiences that left you with scars.

Please, stop confusing trials with punishment. God scarcely punish His children; He is a loving God. He rejects our sins but never rejects our person because He made us.

There are many things God cannot do. O Yes! You heard me right. There are many things God cannot do.

1. He cannot fail...Isaiah 55:11 Continued on page 11

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

3

GIVE YOUR LIFE A LIFT -BY OLAMIDE AJAYI

T

he Bible is clear on what I called “The Principle of New To New”, we read it in Mark 2:22. “And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise the wine will burst and skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins”. You see, as a human capital specialist, I have carefully observed a good number of individuals over the years who gradually descended with such unimaginable speed from effectiveness to a complete state of opprobrium and I am continued to be puzzled at this. However, in my trainings I have also noticed a few issues which often contribute to this epidemic and that is what I’d like to briefly share with you in this article. It doesn’t matter where you are right now, we all want to get better at almost everything. God uniquely fashioned all of us and has put in us a desire to get better. So it isn’t just your thing, it is the nature of every human being to do more and be more. So suffice to say that, “Staying the same and always achieving the same results is at variance to our nature”. But the question is; ‘How do you give your life A LIFT and be more than what you are now?’

Here are my considerations: 1. ASK QUESTIONS: The difference between highly effective and highly ineffective people is the simple fact that highly effective people ask questions but highly ineffective people don’t. Highly effective people question their way to superior existence. They are not afraid to be ridiculed and they are not ashamed to ask. Sometimes, ridicule comes along with asking and meanwhile, asking is the major key to receiving. Until you have mastered the art of asking, you can never be a master receiver. You can trigger the process of asking today, you can begin by standing in front of your mirror and ask yourself deep and pertinent questions that would lead 4

David’s Camp Magazine

A Certified leadership development and entrepreneurship Expert you toward an upward movement in life.

One of the major questions you should ask yourself is; “What and who do I need to KNOW that will make my life better than what it is?” There’s something within our intrinsic self, which brings us to clarity and direction when we engage our mind in questions.

2. FRESH DAY REQUIRES FRESH PLAN: Every day you wake up, you have to start with the day. Pain and Power are often intertwine. People pick up power in the place of pain. However, you must learn to release the pain otherwise the power would be impossible. What I am trying to say is that, if you embrace a new day with all the negative emotions that you entertained the night before, due probably to disappointment, failure, rejection, betrayal, etc. you will miss out on the fresh opportunities embedded in the new day. Don’t mess your day up because your night was a mess up. Each day requires fresh thought, fresh plan, fresh focus, and fresh questions. So start each day believing that you can feel better, live better and achieve better than the day before.

3. IT MAY NOT HAPPEN SOON BUT IT WILL HAPPEN: When I first set out in my career as a small business enterprise Coach and as a Financial Advisor, the journey didn’t feel like I was heading the right path. Everything around me suggested that I gave up including my wardrobe, bank balance, and even friends and I was going to obey but again my ‘intrinsic self’ kept nudging me to try one more time. And it was as if a magic wand was cast. Suddenly, opportunities started flooding in, my clientele multiplied in no small measure to a place where others started working for me. What wins in life is the ability to envision a brighter outcome. Many of those whose life plummet unimaginably, lack the adroitness to develop an intestinal fortitude that would help them to transmute what looks like mere dirt to a 24 carat gold. This is called “Staying Power”. If you lack staying power, you would expect that every step you take would lead quickly to great results which is dangerous because often times, it’s only one more try or last step that leads to

www.davidscamp.org

result. You might have done it many times, but one more try could make all the difference so don’t give up too soon.

4. BUILDING POSITIVE HABITS: Human beings are compendium of habits.

Our habits influence our lives. A better life doesn’t exist on its own, it must be aided by positive habits. It will interest you to know that habits are not uninvited guests who just show up at our dinner without prior notice, No! Habits are formed, either deliberately or imprecisely. Our results are direct reflection of our habits. So, a decision to embarking on a personal mission of replacing detrimental habits with propitious habits is the noblest course in life. If you want to set your life on autopilot and love the results you produce, you have to crop off habits that are not supporting your life in a positive way. Habits are built and it’s no small task to build them. It requires discipline, accountability, practice, courage, and loads of other values in form of bricks to build them. Give your life a lift by building new and positive habits beginning today.

5. BE DEPENDENTLY INDEPENDENT: When this phrase first came to my mind, I questioned its grammatical accuracy but I had to quickly remind myself that ‘grammar’ is all about communicating in way that people understand. So my job here is to make you understand that you have to learn to be independent yet have people that you depend on in certain key areas of life. Being independent means that you have a principle of not being a burden to others and that you can design your own vision and sit comfortably behind the wheel of your destiny without feeling guilty about it. Being dependent therefore suggests that; though you own your life and you are responsible for your outcomes, yet you glean from others expertise, wisdom, skills and talents. It means you understand the importance of alliance and synergy. What is not working for you right now, is already working for someone else, so your responsibility is to put pride behind you and connect with them. You can’t do a lot of things alone. Particularly, when it comes to giving your life a lift, it’s a herculean task and you will unavoidably need the support of others to achieve it.

Should you need further points on this subject, don’t hesitate to contact me by email on: ola4signs@gmail.com.

I SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

MINISTRY

10 THINGS PASTORS ABSOLUTELY HATE TO ADMIT PUBLICLY BY MATT BOSWELL

T

his hard-to-admit list can give you practical insights in how to pray for your pastors.

When Ellen and I were first married, ministry was not our 20-year plan, the Navy was. We had it all planned out; we were to spend the next 20 years with me being gone for 15. The Navy explained to my sweet new bride how grueling it would be, that I would be gone often and that even when I was around my mind would be elsewhere.

Knowing that my particular career path in the Navy would be a marriage destroyer, I pursued a discharge for the pursuit of higher education. With the promise of a difficult future behind us, we embarked upon an easier dream where everyone would love us and things would be calm: pastoral service.

Twenty-plus years later, I can tell you it has been a ride we never could have anticipated.

So much so that only now do I feel equipped enough to share a few things I either lacked the clarity or courage to share until this season of life. I want to share the 10 things we as pastors don’t really want you to know about us.

Now, in doing so, my aim is not to rat out my fellow pastors. Nor am I doing this so congregants sleep with one eye open regarding their leadership.

My intention is precisely the opposite.

I hope that from this: • Churches will pray all the more for their pastors because they understand the challenges.

• Churches will be doubly grateful for the fact that so many pastors stay in the saddle despite their fears, hurts and frustrations.

• People in churches will think twice before engaging in things that sink deep into the soul of their leaders.

Therefore, I give a glimpse into what we as pastors don’t like to admit about ourselves.

1. We take it personally when you leave the church.

It’s just a straight-up fact. We pastors eat, drink and sleep the local church and with that have a deep desires to see it thrive.

Therefore, when you leave to another church because …

• You’re bothered by a recent decision, but didn’t ask about it …

• The new church has a bigger and better kids wing, youth group, worship team, building space, (fill in your blank) …

• Your friends started going there … … it hits us personally.

For us it feels disloyal, shallow or consumer driven. People affirm that church is a family, thus when you up and leave because the church down the road has Slurpee dispensers, a fog machine or it’s just cooler, well, it jams us pretty deep.

2. We feel pressure to perform week after week.

The average TV show has a multimillion-dollar budget, a staff of writers and only airs 22 weeks out of the year; that’s what we feel we’re up against.

Where the pressure is doubled comes from the previous point. We know there are churches near by with a multimillion-dollar budget or a celebrity pastor who have the ability to do many more things at a much higher level.

From this, a sense of urgency is created in our mind to establish the same level of quality, option and excellence to meet the consumerist desires of culture.

Now if this were exclusively in the hopes of reaching new people, this wouldn’t be so bad, but increasingly pastors feel the need to do this just to retain people who may be stuff-struck by the “Bigger and Better” down the way.

3. We struggle with getting our worth from ministry.

When the numbers are up, the compliments are flowing and the people are lively, we feel great.

When everything is level, it feels like it’s in decline.

When things are actually in decline, it’s a full-tilt tailspin in our soul.

We almost can’t help but equate the growth of the church with our ability/ inability to produce growth. Therefore, if there is any appearance of waning, we feel defeated and wonder how long before the church board wises up and trades us to another team.

The “Idol of Ministry” comes on and off the shelf pretty regularly in a pastor’s office.

4. We regularly think about quitting.

This comes in two very different forms.

One form is the variation of perhaps leaving ministry altogether.

While there are some really great things about vocational ministry, there are also less enjoyable realities such as: pastors’ families are noticed (i.e., judged) routinely, pastors’ purchases are observed (i.e., judged) overtly and pastors’ words are weighed (i.e., judged) consistently. Therefore, the ability to hide among the masses and not be noticed is very appealing.

The second form comes with the desire for a change of scenery.

Pastors are shepherds, thus we love greener grass even more than sheep.

To leave for a bigger budget, better building or a place with less difficult people (yeah, we get delusional sometimes) stands out as lush Kentucky Bluegrass when contrasted with the dusty patch of ragged earth called “our current church.”

This “Greener-Grass Gawking” usually occurs when we become too proud (“My gifts are better than this place”) or too insecure (“I stink and just need to start over”) and flows from #3. to be Continued in the next edition

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

5

» Star Influence of our Time

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH

EVANS OGBOI

1.

Who is Evans Ogboi, and how did you get into the gospel music industry?

By His grace, I’m a singer, songwriter, music producer, music director, recording gospel artiste and married to the amazing Purist Ogboi who is also an artiste in her own right. We both serve at RCCG Living Faith Connections, London, UK. I’m also the 3rd son among six siblings. I was born in Lagos Nigeria but my family relocated to Benin City in 1987. I was raised in a strong christian family. I grew up in Church of God mission which is a strong Pentecostal church with great music, word and prayer in Benin. I started off from children’s choir, moved on to join the teenage choir, and ended up in the adult choir. I just loved music. I started playing drums and soon became the official drummer of the church. I also learnt to play the keyboard and soon started taking on the responsibility of scoring music and teaching the choir songs.

In the year 2000, I made the decision to become serious with God. Even though I was raised in a Christian family, I was not serious at the time so I gave my life to the Lord.

This remains the best decision of my life. I began to sense God’s call upon my life. I moved to Lagos in 2003 and joined the Fountain of Life Church Victoria Island parish where I served as 6

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

a music minister. I began to develop a passion for music production. I just loved creating great sounds just for the fun of it. Little did I know I was being prepared. Not long, I started producing music for some gospel artistes and it was within this period I made a 5 track demo which I played to my friends. This developed into my debut album which was released in 2007 with hit track “Anumneka Jesus”.

In 2011, I came into the UK to study but God had a whole new assignment for me. I’m grateful for His grace.

2.

Quite a few gospel music artistes out there compromise here and there. What’s your relationship with God?

It’s a beautiful walk, it’s a journey, it’s in stages and phases. You never know all of Him but the more you know, the more you want to know. I personally find the love of Christ to be incomparable. I’d say, I treasure my relationship with Him. Prayer and the word is like the lifeline of every believer and church makes it easy. Commit to God personally but don’t forsake the gathering of saints. Something great often happens when we get together in His presence. So it’s a progressive walk, from glory to glory.

What’s your passion in life?

7.

Jesus is my passion. My heart is to see His will fully manifest in me so with all He has given me, I would reach out to my world and be a change agent.

8.

3.

Can you please tell us the inspiration behind your album, “Songs from my heart” and your recent single, “Shout Halleluya?”

Yeah… The Holy Spirit remains my inspiration. I titled the album “Songs from My Heart” because these were songs that truly welled out of my spirit. “Shout Halleluya” is one of the songs on the album and is basically a Praise Jam for worshippers all over the world. I believe the entire album is a great tool for the worship of Yahweh.

4.

Please, share with us your experience as the leader of the choir that partook in the BBC Gospel choir of the year?

I love my local church, Living Faith Connections and I serve passionately with the choir. In 2014, my pastors asked that we put in for the BBC Gospel Choir of the year. We did and God took all the glory. It was a beautiful experience for us as a choir.

5.

How did it feel to win the 2014 MOBO Award as the best choir of the year with RCCG Living Faith Connections Choir in London?

I’d say humbling and encouraging at the same time. The Lord knows how He does His wonders. We didn’t set out to win an award but just being excellent in all things according to the scripture. I guess it’s one of the things He promised would be added to us as we seek His kingdom.

6.

Any project in the pipeline to which your fans should look forward?

Hmmm, I don’t think I like using the word “fans”, lol. I’m always looking out for His instructions and will do as He leads. I’m currently working on an album for my wife, Purist which features me on some tracks. I’m in awe of what God can do with yielded vessels. The songs on this album are simply divine, I’ll just say… get ready to be blessed.

9.

What pieces of advice have you got for young and upcoming gospel artistes of your generation?

The Lord has divinely encoded within you something that is unique and pure. You are to savor the earth with your difference. Be yourself and don’t try to be anyone else. However, the only place you can discover your true self is in His presence.

Develop a relationship with God like none other. He knows your life’s journey. He knows where you are trying to go. He wrote the script Himself. Get to know Him and watch Him transform your life.

10.

Any final word to all the lover of gospel music all over the world who passionately follow your music?

Thank you all for your support so far. Let’s keep being one BIG family of God and continue spreading the gospel all over the world till Jesus Christ is preached everywhere and we shall all see Him when He comes. Always remember, he’s coming back again. Grace and peace be with you all. Amen email: info@evansogboiministries.com website: www.evansogboiministries.com

It seems you can play a few musical instruments. What instruments do you play, and how did you learn to play them?

Like I mentioned earlier, I play drums and keyboard.

This may sound funny but I was actually taught by the Holy Spirit. I’m still growing by the day and striving to improve and learn other instruments.

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

7

10 Things WIVES NEED but WONT tell YOU! - BY FRANK POWELL

I remember watching What Women Want not long after its release in 2001. The movie chronicles a man, Nick Marshall, who receives a fresh perspective on women after a fluke accident. And by “fresh perspective,” I mean he has the ability to read women’s minds. Sounds fascinating, right? I thought so too. Then I watched the movie.

Don’t get me wrong, I laughed quite often.

But I was also terrified. I left the theater with one of those “I just saw a ghost” looks. Totally dazed and confused. For like two hours, I vowed never to date a woman again. I would be single the rest of my life, maybe become a monk or something. Singleness would be easier than trying to figure out a woman.

Fast forward 15 years. I’ve been married to an amazing woman for over six years, we have two children and our marriage gets better every day. I’m still convinced women are the most beautifully complex beings on earth, but it’s possible to understand what they need.

By no means do I have women (or anything else, for that matter) figured out. I’m only 30.

I’ve only been married six years. So, I don’t write as an expert. Instead, I write as a man who loves his wife and wants to know her better. If you’ve ever thought, “I just can’t figure her out,” maybe this post can be a launching pad to deeper conversations with your spouse.

Here are 10 things your wife won’t tell you she needs.

1.) Security and protection

The world is uncertain and unreliable, and your wife needs you to create a culture of stability, a place where she can rest from the world’s craziness.

8

David’s Camp Magazine

Your wife also wants you to protect your marriage from outside attacks. And I’m not talking about physical attacks (although, of course, that’s part of it). She wants you to fight for purity. Here’s an example. A man I would call my second father told this story several years ago. While living in Florida, his wife stayed at home with the kids. More days than not, she went to the beach. That’s what you do in Florida. But not this man. He never went. Ever.

At this point in his story, I was puzzled.

Who would choose to stay away from the beach? Sun. Sand. Sharks. What more could you want? Then he explained why, and I will never forget his words.

“At the time, I struggled with lust, and protecting the purity of our marriage meant more than a few hours of relaxation.”

That’s called fighting for your marriage.

The greatest threat to your marriage is, of course, Satan. So, husbands, if you want evil to stay outside, you must let Jesus in. Every day, make sure your wife knows Jesus is the most important person in your marriage.

2.) Undivided attention

Husbands, your wife needs your undivided attention. She wants to feel valued. Making sure you focus on her is a huge component of feeling valued. And, guys, you need to know something about undivided attention. The word “undivided” means … not divided.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

Right. But most husbands don’t understand why their wife doesn’t feel valued even though they sat on the couch together for three hours. Here’s why. You stared at the TV or your phone most of the time while occasionally nodding your head, pretending to listen.

That’s called divided attention.

Guys, you’re not spending quality time with her because you’re in the same general area.

This isn’t about proximity. This is about posture and attitude. When your wife speaks, look at her. Eye contact says you’re valuable.

www.davidscamp.org

Your wife won’t tell you this, but she needs undivided attention. And she should. If you don’t turn off the TV or put down the phone when your wife speaks, you’re not just sending your wife a signal. You’re sending yourself one.

You’re saying your relationship isn’t important.

3.) Open and honest communication

Generally speaking, guys don’t want details.

If I’m talking with friends, I don’t care for details. If they’re necessary for making a decision, by all means, give me the details.

Otherwise, I only need the important stuff.

Your wife is wired differently. When she says, “How was your day?” she wants the details. “It was good” is more of a slap in the face than a sufficient response to her question. Your wife loves you, and she wants to know everything about you, even stuff you consider insignificant. But she probably won’t tell you this.

Communication is the linchpin of a healthy relationship. Anytime I withhold information from Tiffani, whether I am scared of how she will respond, I want to “protect” her or I just don’t have the energy to share all the details, it goes bad. The longer I’m married, the more I realize the importance of open and honest communication.

Even if openly communicating means revealing painful information, your marriage will be better off in the long run. For many years, I hid a pornography addiction from Tiffani.

She discovered my addiction only when she opened my computer and stumbled across a pornographic site. I was always afraid to tell her because I didn’t want to hurt her. Turns out, the wound she sustained was deeper (and took longer to heal) because she discovered it rather than me being honest with her.

Husbands, your wife (and your relationship) needs open and honest communication.

4.) Help with daily tasks

Marriages don’t have assigned tasks. You won’t hear phrases like “that’s her job” in a healthy marriage. Whether your wife stays at home or works 9-5, you should help with daily tasks.

And husbands, know this: She probably won’t tell you she wants help. But she does.

So, change a diaper without being asked. Fold the clothes. Clean the dishes. Maybe you’re tired from work. Maybe your wife doesn’t like to clean. But instead of coming home and telling her exactly how you feel, be a servant.

Clean the house yourself. Pick up the dishes yourself.

Help your wife. Do so without being asked.

Her respect for you will increase exponentially.

5.) A break

Culture places impossible expectations on women. Your wife feels those expectations.

She might be completely overwhelmed. She might feel totally inadequate. She might be exhausted, sick or hurting. But she won’t tell you. And if you ask, she will probably say, “I’m fine.”

Husbands, first and foremost, you should understand the weighty expectations on your wife. Be sympathetic to them. Secondly, you must look beyond the words. Don’t ignore them, but don’t accept them either. Watch her.

Study her. When you notice her struggling, step in and give her a break. Give her permission to sit down or get out of the house.

Ask her what needs to be done, and do those things. This will not only help her, it will improve your marriage.

6.) A leader

Before diving into this point, let’s define leadership. You ready? One word … servant.

Leading your wife has nothing to do with rigid rules or doing things your way. It’s not about control, manipulation or selfish gain.

Husbands, if you use power selfishly, God will hold you accountable.

If you want to know whether you’re leading your wife well, look at whether she lives with courage. Is she unafraid to fail? Is she using her gifts? Show me a woman who feels empowered and isn’t afraid to fail, and I will show you a husband who leads well.

Great leaders empower others.

My relationship is healthiest when I make Jesus the top priority, take my job seriously, choose hard decisions over easy ones and serve my wife. Husbands are the bedrock of the home. Selfish, passive husbands create

unhealthy marriages (and families).

Don’t be one of those.

7.) Intimacy

Women need intimacy. This comes in many different ways. Undivided attention is one component. Holding her is another. Sex is yet another. But, husbands, you need to understand something. Your wife doesn’t see sex like you. Guys love the outcome of sex (the climatic ending). Women love this too, but they also love the process. For women, sex is emotional, as well as physical.

Husbands, if you’re selfish sexually, your wife will be reluctant to have sex with you (and, quite frankly, I don’t blame her). For much of my marriage, I was very selfish with sex. And it affected our relationship. Explore sex with your wife. Caress her. Hold her. Talk about sex with her.

Your wife probably won’t tell you this, but she needs more than physical pleasure. She needs intimacy. Don’t be selfish sexually. Try things her way for a change. Think about her needs.

In turn, your sex life (and your marriage) will improve.

8.) Thoughtfulness

I don’t care much about dates. I know like five birthdays. One of those is mine. I can’t tell you how many times Tiffani has said, “Do you know it’s ________ birthday?” My wife NEVER misses a birthday. Her record on remembering birthdays is near perfect.

Guys, you might not care about birthdays and anniversaries, but your wife does. And, I’m not talking about remembering her birthday.

God knows that would be a fatal error. This is about prioritizing birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Valentine’s or any other day she thinks is important.

The word here is thoughtfulness. Again, your wife wants to feel valued. When you prioritize special days, she feels valued.

Thoughtfulness also includes random text messages, reminding her you’re thankful for her. It means planning date nights. Basically, thoughtfulness means you think about her.

Because here’s the thing: You can know you’re thankful for your wife, but if you don’t show her, it means nothing. She needs to know you love her.

She probably won’t tell you this, however. If

you don’t go out of your way to make her feel valued, particularly on the “special” days, she might express frustration or sadness. Eventually, however, she will accept your actions as the way things are, but her doing this will hurt your relationship.

9.) Permission to be imperfect

Husbands, you must take the lead here. If you never talk about flaws or failures, your wife won’t either. But your wife (much like yourself ) needs a space where she can be imperfect. She needs a space where she doesn’t have to put on a mask and pretend everything is OK. Husbands, you must create this space.

This means listening, especially when she talks about her feelings. You might think her issues are trivial. You’d be wrong. If you write her off, eventually she will stop sharing and spend her days trying to be perfect.

There won’t be a declaration before this happens. You won’t hear, “That’s it. I tried sharing my feelings and being vulnerable. From this point forward, you won’t know how I’m feeling.” It will just happen. If or when your wife does this, your marriage will take an enormous hit. Fight for this space.

10.) Fun

Your wife doesn’t want you to fly her around the world as much as she wants day-to-day marriage to be fun. Marriage is ordinary and routine. But it should never be boring. A fun relationship can’t be bought. If it could, only a small percentage of couples would have fun.

Everyone else would twiddle their thumbs until they died. How miserable!

The key to an adventurous marriage is finding the extraordinary in the mundane. Be present every day. Be spontaneous. Find ways to have fun in the familiar. Look for opportunities in the ordinary.

Your wife won’t tell you this, but she wants marriage to be fun and adventurous. And she should.

God created it, after all.

It’s possible to know what your wife really needs. Discovering her underneath needs will require much effort, constant communication and a steady stream of grace from both sides.

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

9

FAMILY LIFE

7 THINGS CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD DO TO KEEP THEIR KIDS FROM ABANDONING GOD - BY FRANK POWELL

W

hy are young people leaving the church? If I had a dollar for every time I heard this question, I would have a lot of dollars. And I get it. The rate at which young people are leaving the church is alarming. Everyone has experienced a young person throwing aside their faith, either directly or indirectly. It’s devastating.

So, how does the church need to change?

While this question needs to be addressed, I don’t think it provides an answer to the problem.

Stick with me, I am going somewhere.

You see, I believe parents are the primary link between young people and God. Not the church. In his book Soul Searching, Christian Smith says this: The most important social influence in shaping young people’s religious lives is the religious life modeled and taught to them by their parents.

In an interview with Drs. Kara Powell and Chap Clark, Smith goes even further: When it comes to kids’ faith, parents get what they are.

Whoa. That’s real.

Here’s the deal. Parents, you are painting a portrait of God for your children every day.

Every word, action and conversation is a brush stroke. And when your children prepare to leave home, they are staring at a portrait of God. A portrait that shapes their actions and decisions about faith moving forward.

Are there exceptions? Absolutely. As a youth minister, I witnessed young people leave Jesus, even though the faith of their parents was rock solid. I also saw young people continue into college on fire for God, even though their parents had shaky, fickle faith. So, this isn’t a black and white, issue. Few issues are.

But will you, as a parent, play an enormous role in shaping the faith of your children?

No doubt.

With that being said, I want to point out 10

David’s Camp Magazine

some things young people need from their parents. I present these as someone who left God for a season in college, someone who ministers to young people every day, and someone who is passionate about reaching the next generation.

Here are seven things youth need from their parents so they won’t abandon God.

1.) They need you to stop handing their faith off to youth leaders.

I grew up in church. But I was never part of a youth group. I didn’t receive formal training in youth ministry. So, when I jumped into youth ministry, the whole thing was new to me.

In the first few months, I noticed something alarming. It appeared as though parents looked to me as the primary person responsible for the spiritual growth of their kids. Why is this alarming? The Bible makes no mention of this model.

Unfortunately, most churches have created this mess. And reinforced it. Calendars are filled with events, and a cultural pressure is placed on young people to get a gold star for perfect attendance. Don’t get me wrong. I am not against youth ministry. I think it is a great tool for building faith in young people.

But there is a problem when youth ministry becomes THE tool.

Parents, you have the primary responsibility for building faith in your children. Youth leaders exist to equip you and supplement the work you are doing in the home. They don’t exist to replace you.

2.) They need you to care as much about their struggles as you do about their salvation.

Growing up, I remember numerous conversations with my parents about baptism.

My fellowship holds baptism in very high regard. Too high. That’s how I felt, at least. I grew to hate the word “baptism,” and with every conversation about why I needed to be baptized, I took one step further away from God. Maybe that’s not fair. But that’s where I was. As strange as this sounds, I needed someone to care as much about my struggles as they did about my salvation.

www.davidscamp.org

Continued on page 11

And I struggled mightily in high school.

I searched everywhere for my identity. I struggled with lust and pornography. I traveled down dark roads searching for direction.

It was as if my salvation was the only thing that mattered. Eventually, I started to see God this way. He didn’t have much to say about my present struggles. He just wanted me to be “saved.” And I didn’t care much for a God who didn’t inform my current situation. So, I left.

Here’s what I learned from that season.

While everyone who talked to me was sincere, I believe they were trying to manufacture my salvation. Humans don’t have the power to save someone. That is God’s job.

Parents, what you can do is show the love of God to your children. This starts by helping them see their present struggles as God’s concern. Sit down with your children.

Talk to them. Show them grace.

As you do this, the gospel will come to life.

Because the gospel doesn’t just inform salvation. It informs everything. Addictions.

Temptations. Identity issues. And once your children see that God walks with them through their struggles, they will have a stronger desire to give their lives to him.

3.) They need you to answer the questions they are asking.

Today’s culture is extremely complicated and complex. Young people see everything.

Information (good and bad) is available on-demand. And as young people battle with difficult questions about sexuality and social issues, among many other things, the world is forming their perspective. Every article. Every conversation. Every video.

It is more important than ever that parents open up space to discuss difficult topics.

It’s time to stop turning a blind eye to the questions prevalent in the lives of your kids. Naivety is not an excuse. Awkwardness and tension won’t work as excuses either.

I never had a conversation (at least not one I remember) with any adult about sex growing up. Nothing about lust. Nothing about God’s design for purity. Nothing about masturbation. I never had a conversation about alcohol. I was battling these

Continued from page 3

PLANTED, BUT NOT BURIED 2. He cannot disappoint...Romans 10:11; Romans 5:5 3. He cannot forget His children...

Isaiah 40:31 4. He cannot lie...Numbers 23:19; Titus 1:2-3; Hebrews 6:18 5. He cannot be defeated...Psalm 24:8; Exodus 15:3; Isaiah 42:13 Jeremiah 32:27...”Behold, I am the Lord God of all flesh, is there anything too hard for me to do?”

Friends, trust God. Your planted anointing, planted talent, planted skill, planted passion, planted vision, planted destiny isn’t dead and buried...it’s just planted.

I pray God will give you the grace and endurance to persevere so you might enjoy the fruits in its due season in Jesus name.

Continued from page 10 questions, but Christians weren’t there to give me answers. So, I tried to figure it out myself. You can only imagine how that worked out for me.

Yes, these conversations are awkward.

Yes, they create tension. But your children are asking them. Unless you create space for the hard questions, they will turn to other sources for answers. And that usually doesn’t end well.

4.) They need you to stop protecting them.

The world is broken. No argument from me there. It seems as though our world is more sinful than ever.

But I wonder what the response would be if the same microscope were placed on cities like Ephesus and Corinth? During the time of Paul, Ephesus was overtaken by witchcraft. Every spring, roughly 1,000,000 people traveled to the temple of Artemis, which was filled with prostitutes. Let’s just say these people weren’t going to the temple to talk about the weather.

To top it off, Ephesus hosted the Festival of Dionysus, a keg party that would have laughed in the face of any St. Paddy’s Day party you have thrown (not that you would do that sort of thing).

So, how does Paul instruct the Ephesians to respond in the midst of a culture blanketed with sin? He tells them to put on the armor of God (Eph. 6:10-20). In other words, jump in the fight. Paul didn’t understand a theology of retreat.

There is no such thing. He expected the Christians in Ephesus to engage the culture, not run from it.

When the ultimate goal is to make sure our children never experience the evils of the world, we not only do them an injustice socially, we rob them of seeing the gospel’s transfor-

mative power.

As a parent, your goal should not be to teach your kids how to flee from evil.

Your goal should be to show them how to engage it. For the glory of God. In those spaces, they will see the gospel. And it will become real.

5.) They need to see God as more than rules and church attendance.

Looking back on my childhood, this was the most important factor in my faith as I transitioned into college. I needed to see that my parents trusted the promises of God. I needed to see that my parents made decisions as though God was real and alive, not a set of rules or a list of “do’s and don’ts.” I got that from my mom. Not so much from my dad.

And until God surrounded me with men who modeled an unwavering trust in Him, I thought following Jesus was just a piece of the puzzle.

Parents, especially fathers, never underestimate the impact of your decisions on your children. They need to see you trust God with your time and money. They need to see you approach your job as a mission field. They need to see you love people well. All people. They need to see you trust the promises of God in Scripture.

If you boil Christian living down to church attendance and morality, your children will notice. And who wants to follow a God who is nothing more than rules and showing up to a building? I sure don’t.

Continued on page 12

Quote of the Edition Only grave diggers start from the top.

Start somewhere no matter how LOW.”

David’s Camp Magazine

www.davidscamp.org

11

7 THINGS CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD DO TO KEEP THEIR KIDS FROM ABANDONING GOD

Continued from page 11 6.) They need to see your struggles and doubts. necessarily want us to. But we are committed to praying for them You need to be strong for your children. They need to see that you every night. have it together. I understand that. But let’s get real for a second.

I am eternally grateful for my mom. She is awesome! And I am God is mysterious. Faith is not easy. Some questions about God convinced that my faith is a product of her relentless devotion to don’t have easy answers. You have probably experienced days prayer. I think my mom prayed so much eventually God got tired where you considered throwing in the towel. of hearing her ask for transformation in my life. So, after years of Join the party. I want you to meet some people. These are the hearing thousands of versions of the same prayer, he called me apostles. Yeah, the ones who walked with Jesus and started the back home. And I haven’t looked back since. church. Yes, they are at the “I have doubted my faith at some point” Never stop praying for your kids. Don’t allow their current circumparty. stances to impact God’s power. Even if your child is light years Parents, your kids have doubts. And they need to see that you from God, God is only a prayer away from them. One prayer can have doubts as well. Otherwise, when questions about God come, change everything. your kids will either internalize them or turn to another source for Parents, you are painting a portrait of God for your children. What answers. Both are bad options. does the picture look like?

I am not telling you to have confession hour every night. But there It is never too late to start investing in the faith of your children. is power in vulnerability and authenticity. Your kids need to know God doesn’t operate like money. The outcome of your kids’ faith you are human. And they need to know the path to intimacy with isn’t necessarily determined by the time you put in. God isn’t conGod involves seasons of doubt and struggle. fined to such things.

It is also never too early to get started. Set the trajectory of faith 7.) They need you to plead for God to build and sustain their faith. for your children now.

Parents, in the journey to lay a foundation of faith for your chilThe church plays a role in the faith of your children. But the pridren, nothing is more important than prayer. Pray for your children. mary responsibility is yours, parents. You got this. God would never Pray with your children. Every day. give you a task and not equip you for it. Your children don’t need The best part of my day is when my boys lay in bed and ask Tiffani the funniest, most knowledgeable or best communicator to build and I to pray for them. I also know a day will probably come when their faith. They need you. they won’t ask us to pray for them. Instead, we will have to fight So, give them what they need. through the tension and pray for them even though they don’t