On The Coast - Families October/November 2021

on the

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coast ISSUE 114 OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2021

FAMILIES

coffee

Coastie WITH A

FORMER HI5 MEMBER

NATHAN FOLEY

How to repair after a tough day with

your kids

CENTRAL COAST’S FAVOURITE FAMILY MAGAZINE

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ON T H E C OA S T – FA MILIES

Welcome

Inside

In our home we refer to Covid as the ‘crazy cold’. Our kids are too little to understand the magnitude of what is going on at the moment nor do we wish to worry their innocent minds with something that we have very little control over.

4 Coffee with a Coastie Former Hi5 member Nathan Foley

Our son is a massive animal lover and for his 4th birthday this year he wanted to go to the zoo, though unfortunately with lock down this was not possible. Yet every morning, our mini David Attenborough asks if we can go to the zoo when the ‘crazy cold is over’?

And whilst we have no definite answer to give our bright eyed little man, we reply with enthusiasm and excitement of all the fun things we will do when we get there. And for that moment, he is happy and content.

There have been many moments in the past few months where my thoughts could have created a heaviness that would send me into a downward spiral, but I have constantly reminded myself that although I am unable to change the current pandemic, I can choose how I allow it to affect me and my family.

6 Neutral Know How 12 The Smallest Step 18 Safer baby sleep

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” ~ Reinhold Niebuhr Focus your energy on what you can control and allow the universe to take care of the rest.

Hope you enjoy this edition of On the Coast Families!

Thank you for your support Coasties!

Tanzie & Luke

Art Director/Editor Tanzie Carpenter tanzie@onthecoastpublications.com.au Production Luke Carpenter luke@onthecoastpublications.com.au Publisher Tanzie Carpenter – Ph: 0414 611 851 Luke Carpenter – Ph: 0405 449 339 trading as On the Coast Publications ABN 52 212 212 482 PO Box 3251, Bateau Bay NSW 2261

20 Six ways to gentle discipline and reconnection with your toddler

22 Central Coast Kids Day Out

Printing Spotpress Pty Ltd – 9549 1111 Cover image Cloud Nine Photography www.cloudninephotography.net.au Imagery ingimage.com and freepik.com Contributors Jordi Woods, Sam Woods, Catherine Schasser, Dr Alison Mooney, Nikki Smith, Alita Blanchard, Sarah Tolmie

24 How to repair after a tough day with your kids

27 Matters of life & love

www.onthecoastpublications.com.au

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Check out past articles at onthecoastfamilies.com.au @onthecoastfamilies OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

3

coffee

Coastie WITH A

FORMER HI5 MEMBER

NATHAN FOLEY

Spending a few years on the Central Coast as a kid was enough to anchor him to the Coast. And whilst the initial years of his career took him back to Sydney, it was only a matter of time before the Coast was calling him back again.

Your gorgeous son Jackson is almost 2, you’ve posted pictures and videos on social media of him playing your piano and listening to music with headphones.

Does he love daddy’s music? What’s his favourite song of yours?

Absolutely, Jackson has loved music for so long now, but I really do think it’s what we expose to our kids. I’ve had him sitting on my knee while I play piano and always getting involved while I play guitar. The early years of development for a child is so crucial, and music is my everything and hopefully Jackson will pursue it one day too. Jackson loves my song “She Devil”, he watches the music video over and over again.

Do you think Jackson will get into music?

Hmm, not sure. Deep down, I hope he will, but I’m never going to be pushy though, whatever he decides, I’ll support him 100%.

How do you juggle family life and writing/touring?

Definitely no touring yet, because of Covid, but I always wondered how it would work before the little guy came along, but it just does. My family have added to my life in such a positive way, so instead of having one love (music), I

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O N T H E C OA S T – FA MILIES

now have two. Juggling both has been a blessing.

Twins run in the family on your wife’s side. Would you like to add to ‘Team Foley’?

We’d love to one day, but the way the world is right now with so much uncertainty, we are just taking our time and enjoying Jackson at the moment.

Out of all the places you visited touring over the past 20 years, what made you choose the Central Coast to settle down?

How long have you been on the Coast?

I LOVE the Coast. I was actually born in Liverpool (NSW) and grew up in Ingleburn. My folks and I moved up to the Central Coast when I was 10 years old and lived at Toukley for a few years until Sydney started beckoning me for work. I ended up going to Newtown High School of the Performing Arts to continue my “normal” studies around other people that also were in the arts. Newtown was great as there was so much individuality.

Australia is such a massive sports driven place that I wasn’t really understood or accepted at my previous school. I was taunted daily for wanting to be a singer and for trying to fulfil my passion as an entertainer. As I grew older, the coast once again was calling me, so I

moved back up in 2004 and bought a house. I haven’t left since. The Coast has everything and it’s a great place to raise kids too.

You started in this industry at a very young age, singing in clubs and doing the School Spectacular, how old were you when you wrote your first song?

I was 10 when I started doing professional shows, clubs/corporates, they were a great starting point to learn my craft as an artist, especially working with bands. The first song I wrote was “What’s happening to this world of ours” which is an environment song that I recorded and it was chosen in a song writing competition. My school at the time, Toukley Primary School and I, were invited to compete at Darling Harbour and perform the song.

The second song I wrote was a song called “The good times” in which I wrote about my school friends and teachers.

Both songs are on an album I recorded back then. You never know, I “may” release it one day.

How did you get into music? What drew you to music?

The Jackson 5 were the start of my passion for music. The first time I heard them, I tried to mimic every

word Michael Jackson sang and weirdly enough, we sounded so much alike at that age. I never had any vocal training (still to this day) but what I did have was a passion and drive.

My folks were driving me all over the place entering me in singing competitions from Sydney to the Coast. I won many, one of which was a Talent Show at Bateau Bay Shopping Centre. I sang Michael Jackson’s “Ben” and won. Another was at Roselands Shopping Centre in 1991, where two producers were there from the Coca Cola Schools Spectacular. They invited me to audition as a soloist for the Show. Anyone who doesn’t know about the show, it’s the biggest variety show in the world for public school kids and was held at the Sydney Entertainment Centre in front of 12,000 people. Mum and I had never heard of it at that time, but we drove down and I auditioned. The next thing I know, I’m singing a duet with an 80 piece orchestra in front of thousands of people. School spectacular was definitely the start of my professional career on a larger scale.

Then one thing led to another, word of mouth and shows started coming my way. Shortly after that, at 12 years old, I was chosen to sing solo at the Premier Gala Concert at the Sydney Entertainment Centre where Human Nature, Connie Mitchel (from Sneaky Sound System) and more, were doing the backing vocals for me. It was a crazy time but it just made me strive and want more.

Who was your greatest musical influence growing up? Have you met them?

I have so many! I think my biggest would have to be Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson & John Farnham. The thing with me is that I listen to so many diverse artists, they have all influenced not only my song writing but also how I perform.

I’ve met John Farnham but unfortunately never had a chance to meet MJ or Stevie.

Fingers crossed.

What is the best piece of advice you would give to someone starting out in the entertainment industry?

The best advice I can give is to not be driven by fame or fortune. Always be driven by passion and the love for what you do. With the way social media is today, anyone can be famous for doing absolutely nothing. It’s so important to not be drawn in by just the icing on the cake. Work hard at your craft and be the best that you can be, and don’t

“

The Coast has everything and it’s a great place to raise kids too. worry about “likes” or “followers” or what everyone else is doing.

It’s been a challenging year for everyone, it’s not something that anyone could have predicted. You’ve had over 18 months of cancelled gigs, what have you been focused on during this time?

It has been hell for all of us. Who would of thought that the whole world would have been effected for as long as it has? It’s been challenging personally, especially with my upcoming album being delayed over and over again and numerous shows being cancelled, though I really do thank God for my family. They have kept me sane through all of it to be honest. I’ve been writing more, and doing loads of home improvements. Maybe I should audition for The Block or House Rules (haha).

What is a typical day for you during lock down?

I definitely try to keep my mind active by writing, going for walks in my local and home renovations. I also love to cook so I try to come up with different recipes to feed the family when I can.

You’ve released two songs since Covid, ‘Hurricane’ and ‘She Devil’. When you released Hurricane at the end of last year, did you think back then, that almost 12 months down the track, we’d all still be in the same situation, and you’d still not be performing live shows?

You know, I honestly thought that 2021 was going to be the year of normality again but that was wrong. I should of had my album finished and

touring by now but I’m hoping 2022 will be my year. Wishful thinking. I can’t wait to release my album, it’s going be a killer and I can’t wait to share it. Hopefully by November/December.

I read on Facebook She Devil has just reached over 53,000 streams on Spotify, congratulations! And you’ve been working on another album, will we have this for Christmas? What can we expect from the next album?

It’s actually hit over 60,000 now! I’m stoked. Spotify is all new to me. I come from a generation of vinyls, cassettes and CDs, when you had to physically go to a shop to buy a hard copy but I’m told my Spotify is doing ok. Even if it was just one person listening I’d be happy.

Once we are out of lock down, what’s the plan for Nathan Foley?

I’m praying that theatres, clubs and festivals will re–open so we can once again share our passion with the world.

The entertainment industry has been hit hard so let’s all hope for a speedy recovery. Once it’s all over I’ll be touring NZ and Australia.

Fast forward 15 years, where will Nathan Foley be?

You know, I used to think about the future and where I wanted to be but I was always presented with different hurdles and detours that led me to other amazing opportunities. Honestly now, I just live for today and enjoy the day to day. The future is something we can never plan I believe, so lets just breathe, enjoy the simple things in life and you never know where life will take you.

Maybe in 15 years time we will be doing a Hi–5 reunion tour with our walking sticks =)

Keep up to date with Nathan’s career by following him on Instagram @nathanfoleyofficial

OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

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Neutral Know How Head to toe neutrals are one of those colour combos that depict the fresh Hamptons vibe of the Central Coast.

While many love the look of tone on tone neutrals, it can often leave clients feeling drab, flat and in need of a “pop” of energy. If this sounds like you, then

you will love the tips and tricks we share below to ensure neutrals work for you no matter your complexion, hair colour or colour palette.

When considering a neutral look head to toe; you need to know what kind of neutrals are best for you! Do you suit more muted, dusty low contrast neutrals or more clear, crisp high contrast

neutrals?

Did you know… there are both warm and cool shades of neutrals. To find out what is best for you, complete a VC Online Colour Analysis (www.vibrantconcepts.com.au) Once you have chosen your neutral items try some of the below tips to give your look a “lift”.

Tips For Uplifting your

Neutral Outfit Create contrast with neutrals by combining light and dark neutrals together such as beige and chocolate Add colour in your accessories such as vibrant earrings, necklaces, headbands Apply a bold lip colour Try wearing darker eye make up as this will add more contrast to the face while maintaining a neutral outfit Wear bold nail polish colours Mix your fabric textures to ensure the outfit doesn’t look “flat”.

Try combinations of cotton, linen, suede, lace and silk Play with shades of one colour such as beige, honey and tan together Use metallic accessories for an uplift while maintaining a nude look head to toe

TIP: When dressing it is important to stick to the 3 Colour Rule. This 3 Colour Rule is quiet simple… don’t wear more than three colours together e.g a neutral outfit, with black wedges and a red handbag and lipstick. If you then added blue earrings to

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O N T H E C OA S T – FA MILIES

the outfit it would look mismatched and messy.

Where this rule can be bent/broken is if you are wearing multiple shades of one colour for example (pictured) a beige skirt, mocha top, chocolate boot, tan

“

VIBRANT CONCEPTS

Mix your fabric textures to ensure the outfit doesn’t look “flat”.

Try combinations of cotton, linen, suede, lace and silk belt and red lipstick. The beige, mocha, chocolate and tan are all various shades of the one colour so in theory only two colours, neutral and red (the lipstick) are being worn. If you feel that an outfit looks mismatched, count how many colours you are wearing and ensure there are not too many shades of each colour.

Have fun with fashion and don’t forget to #DressUpItFeelsGood.

Vibrantly yours, Jordi Woods x

*Accessories available at The VC Style Studio

Spring is here and to celebrate the warmer weather, On the Coast Families has teamed up with Vibrant Concepts Style Studio to give you the chance to WIN a beautiful Fashion Accessories Pack valued at over $160.

Head over to our Facebook or Instagram pages to find out more!

Facebook /onthecoastfamilies Instagram @onthecoastfamilies Understanding styling and fashion is one thing. Having a super–natural flair for making everyday people look incredible is another. Once you’ve met Sam & Jordi Woods, it’s hard not to catch their infectious passion for dressing to match your own lifestyle, personality and charisma. Through their consultancy ‘Vibrant Concepts’, Sam & Jordi have transformed the lives of thousands. Let Sam & Jordi show you how to look and feel fabulous everyday at their Style Studio in Erina – learn the art of illusion dressing, colour matching, styling, translating fashion trends and savvy shopping with their unique VC Signature Styling Systems and services that are truly personal and really work! To contact Vibrant Concepts phone 0425 221 676.

OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

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AUSTRALIAN DENTAL AND IMPLANT GROUP

Local leading dentists helping Coasties smile With the current situation, now more than ever it is so important to look after your health and wellness, starting with your smile and the Australian Dental & Implant Group are the local leaders delivering premium dental care around the Coast and beyond.

Creating Beautiful Smiles & Transforming Lives The Australian Dental & Implant Group (ADIG) comprises of a network of independently owned and operated premium dental practices located across Central Coast, the Hunter Valley region, Sydney and beyond. Dental practices include Mingara Dental & Implant Centre, Warnervale Dental, Avoca Beach Dental, Saratoga Dental, Empire Bay Dental, Bonnells Bay Dental, Complete Smiles Bella Vista and White Space Dental in Manly.

Practice Principal of Australian Dental & Implant Group, Dr Ned Restom explains that their “goal is to provide exceptional, comprehensive dental care to patients in a friendly and caring environment, educating, and encouraging them toward a state of optimal oral health. Using the most advanced treatment and technology available, we are all committed to creating beautiful smiles and transforming lives”.

Dentists with heart – local dentists supporting the community The Australian Dental & Implant Group were thrilled to have teamed up with Doctor Do More and Cancer Council Central Coast to be the major sponsor of #MoveAgainstCancer, the Central Coast’s biggest step challenge held in September.

Dr Ned Restom who is also the founder of Customs 4 Cancer says “being a cancer survivor myself, I believe it’s important to get involved with initiatives to raise awareness and funds in the fight against cancer. Helping others is so important as it builds communities, changes lives and

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education sessions to kids, carers, and their families.

Local leaders in dental implants teaching other dentists ADIG dentists are the local leaders and experts in the field of implantology with practices on the Central Coasts being the only ones to offer TEETH ON IMPLANTS®.

Dr Ned Restom is also a founder of the Australasian Implant Academy (AIA), who teach other dentists’ skills in implants. So, you know you are in safe, professional hands.

drives people to do better.”

Not only does the passionate group of dentists support worthy causes supporting cancer awareness but they also continually support the local community. “We are very passionate about supporting the local community and local sport and helping to keep Coasties healthy and smiling” explains Dr David Bassal. The dental practices have been supporting local sporting clubs for years and are always doing their part to give back to the community.

The leading group of dentists also recognise the importance of starting young when it comes to developing optimal oral health care routine and have been visiting local preschools and day cares providing complimentary dental

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The TEETH ON IMPLANTS® system is a highly effective dental technique that offers a permanent solution to missing teeth. The treatment refers to supporting all teeth on multiple implants, making them look, feel and function just like natural teeth. The procedure is particularly suitable for patients who may have missing, decayed or broken/ chipped teeth.

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OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

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LYMPHATIC SOLUTIONS

MLS Laser Therapy The first of its kind on the Central Coast Alleviating pain and inflammation and enhancing healing for patients.

Leading Cancer Rehab Occupational Therapist (OT) and Lymphoedema Therapist, Kate Perkins, helps individuals diagnosed with cancer to improve their quality of life and assist recovery through individualised, evidence based, exercise rehab programs.

The Founder of Cancer Rehabilitation & Lymphatic Solutions is an innovation pioneer and trail blazer practitioner who has recently introduced the MLS Laser into her clinic, the first of its kind on the Central Coast and it’s already having a huge impact on her patients.

MLS Laser Therapy – the first of its kind on the Central Coast MLS Laser Therapy helps to overcome the painful symptoms typical of musculoskeletal disorders, post operative inflammation, side effects of cancer related treatments and more, so that patients can return to everyday activities faster.

Kate Perkins is a Certified Pinc & Steel Cancer Rehab OT and a leader in the early detection and intervention of Breast Cancer Related Lymphoedema (BCRL). She uses the latest in Bioimpedance Spectroscopy (BIS) technology, the SOZO, in the early monitoring of Breast Cancer Related Lymphoedema. Conducting screening measurements before, during and after cancer treatment.

A former competitive cyclist and triathlete and passionate surfer, Kate draws on her lifelong love of sport, health, and fitness to help her patients

return to doing the things they love best following their cancer treatment.

Kate shares insights with us below about her latest addition to her clinic that is clearly making waves on not just her cancer patients but on anyone who wants to promote healing and alleviate pain and inflammation.

MLS LASER THERAPY – Q & A with Kate Perkins What equipment did you recently introduce into your clinic and why?

We are very excited to have recently introduced a Multiwave Lock System (MLS) Low Level Laser, otherwise known as Photobiomodulation therapy (PBMT) unit is new technology, backed by 30 years of research, enabling us to open services to a wider patient population including, post orthopaedic surgeries, accelerating wound healing and surgical sites, and enhance our current cancer rehabilitation and lymphoedema practices.

How does it work?

MLS Laser uses two light wavelengths, synchronising pulsed and continuous light wavelengths, to reduce

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O N T H E C OA S T – FAM ILIES

inflammation, reduce pain symptoms, reduce swelling, and accelerate healing of wounds and surgical sites.

MLS Laser Therapy is a medical breakthrough therapeutic device with unparalleled applications and treatment outcomes. The laser works by converting light into biochemical energy, resulting in normal cell function, which causes symptoms (PAIN) to reduce significantly.

The primary biological action of laser results from stimulation of cellular transport mechanisms in the mitochondria, cell membranes and epithelial tissues. This action causes the release of vasodilating chemicals, the stimulation of DNA and RNA (building blocks) synthesis, an increase in enzyme production, normalisation of tissue Ph

Kate Perkins, B.App.Sci (Occupational Therapy) helps people who have undergone surgery and related treatment for cancer gain recovery of strength, movement and energy.

and increased ATP production (healing of the cells from the inside).

What conditions can it treat?

Laser therapy can treat numerous conditions including: Reducing lymphoedema symptoms by vasodilation of superficial lymphatics Preventing radiation dermatitis during radiotherapy treatment Reduces/softens scar tissue Accelerates healing process following surgeries Reduces inflammation of bursitis and tendinopathy Reduces symptoms of peripheral neuropathy Who is laser therapy suitable for?

This will be determined following an initial consultation regarding the suitability for PBM Therapy. It is suitable for use before, during and after a wide variety of procedures to enhance outcomes and improve patient satisfaction and comfort.

What results can patients expect to experience?

A MLS Laser Therapy is about healing.

It’s not about masking or covering up a condition. When you feel better from this therapy – it’s because you are better.

Therefore, results have been found to be quite long lasting.

Is laser therapy painful?

Treatment in non–invasive, pain free, and highly effective.

How much does it cost?

An initial consultation for MLS Laser is $135 Treatment packages include: 2 treatments – $120 4 treatments – $240 6 treatments – $360 8 treatments – $480 Private Health Fund claimable under Occupational Therapy Do patients need a referral?

No a referral is not required.

Cancer Rehabilitation & Lymphatic Solutions in Erina is currently taking bookings for MLS Laser Therapy, please contact 02 4312 7033.

If you are a healthcare professional and would like to learn more about how the treatment can benefit your patients, please contact us today. www.lymphaticsolutions.com.au www.bouncebackfrombreastcancer.com

Kate Perkins, Founder and Head Treatment Specialist at Lymphatic Solutions, Kate is a Certified Pinc & Steel Cancer Rehab OT and a leader in the early detection and intervention of Breast Cancer Related Lymphoedema (BCRL). Kate is also the Founder of Bounce Back from Breast Cancer Online program.

A member of the Australian Lymphology Association, Kate offers patients a holistic recovery program based around the latest BCRL self management techniques focusing on exercise prescription, travel precautions, diet, and skin care regimes.

» Lymphoedema monitoring pre/post cancer treatment » Assessment and management of Lymphoedema » Bounce Back From Breast Cancer Online Program » Scar tissue management – surgical, adhesive scar tissue, cording » Lymph and Scar Taping techniques » Low Level Laser Therapy » Manual Lymph Drainage massage » Compression garment prescription » Patient Education » EPC and Health Fund Claimable Call us on 02 4312 7033 to make an appointment

@lymphaticsolutionsau

www.bouncebackfrombreastcancer.com/freegift

https://lymphaticsolutions.com.au

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OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

11

The

Smallest Step

BY CATHERINE SCHASSER

Blockbuster movies have a winning and common theme: the story of A Hero’s Journey.

Forest Gump, Luke Skywalker in Star Wars, Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, Nemo in Finding Nemo and many more.

The Hero’s Journey sees our namesake begin in an ordinary existence, before moving through their transformation.

When you’re on the edge of your seat or crying along with the characters, you don’t notice these steps.

When written well, cast with talented actors and directed in a way you feel you’re there, The Hero’s Journey creates box office success for movies, not to mention plays, songs and books.

This theme resonates because unconsciously we all want to be the Hero – the Hero of our life.

As you sit invested in the plot and the story of the characters, you become emotionally involved and if depicted well, the story, characters, music or lines can remain with you forever. During these times, you’re not noticing the 12–17 steps of transformation the writer had intentionally created. Instead, you’re just in it. Eager. Apprehensive. Hopeful.

Moved. Curious. Invested.

This is your real–life Hero’s Journey too and similarly, you may not be aware you’re living it, nor the character you’re playing.

Think of your story. Feel free to narrate it as an overtone and add a cinematic music experience to match!

What genre would you create your story – a comedy, romance, adventure?

Now timeline the characters, milestones, heartaches, successes, trials and tribulations. Don’t forget to have an overriding message.

This is YOUR Hero’s Journey.

As with any of my viewpoints, I offer a consideration you can take or leave: what makes your Hero’s Journey a ‘successful’ one is not the big moments, the most significant tragedies or greatest losses. Yes, these matter. Of course, they do. But I believe the true Hero’s Journey lies in the smallest of spaces. The Hero is created in the tiniest of moments when they CHOOSE. “Who do I want to be, how do I want to be, and why?” The Hero has the asking of these questions as their inner protection from the effects of the outside world.

“Courage doesn’t roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says ‘I’ll try again tomorrow’.”

(Mary–Anne Radmacher) This belief is never more true than when defining the Hero.

The Hero is being strengthened every time they: Try again Refuse to stay the same Commit to growing Your life is not being lived in a fake setting with calls of ‘action’, ‘cut’ or ‘let’s go again from the top’ being called and supported. If you’re like the rest of us, it’s probably a hot mess at times, with tears and tantrums, anxiety and overwhelm, and lots of feelings of being overworked and undervalued.

And that’s perfectly ok.

What I hope you see is the Hero in

Catherine Schasser is a qualified Life Coach, NLP practitioner and Early Childhood Teacher, who combines her passion, empathy and experience to empower others. With her friend Kristine, Catherine has created an online membership for women, plus two exceeding early learning centres with one being named NSW Best Small Private Regional Service. Catherine leads the empowerment of mothers and educators in maintaining their mindset to create a life they dream of.

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ON T H E C OA S T – FA M ILIES

YOU. And that Hero is being defined with every small choice to try again.

To reach for the healthy snack. To share your burdens with a friend. To ask for help. To breathe. To choose to be better for yourself and those you love.

“

Courage doesn’t roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says ‘I’ll try again tomorrow Mary–Anne Radmacher “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” (Viktor Fankl) That’s what makes you the Hero of your one precious gift of life.

And with this closing thought, I remind you, your movie’s playing and you can edit it as much as you desire, until you get the character (you) just the way you want.

Be kind to yourself and proud of who you are.

Sincerely, Catherine

A community focused on happiness, education and belonging.

A place to shine

Now taking enrolments for 2022. Call us on 4384 9000 to book a tour.

1 Reads Road, Wamberal Open from 6:30am to 6pm Monday to Friday Catering for Children aged 0–6 /alkiraearlylearningcentrewamberal

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4384 9000 OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

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ALKIRA EARLY LEARNING CENTRE

Lock down and beyond:

The benefits of learning in nature

BY OLIVIA BALBI – EDUCATIONAL LEADER, ALKIRA ELC

With Covid restrictions limiting our movement here on the Central Coast, the one thing we can still enjoy is exploring the abundance of stunning natural landscapes right here on our doorstep. In these trying times, we have seen families turning to nature in record numbers. And while it may start out as an excuse just to escape our four walls and release children’s pent–up energy, being in nature has so many benefits that just makes us feel better.

“Breathing in fresh air, being exposed to sunlight and enjoying the stimulation of bird sounds, weather, temperature, textures and colours helps us feel more open and connected to our world outdoors” (Nature play SA).

HERE ARE SOME IDEAS FOR EXPERIENCES TO ENGAGE YOUR BABY AT HOME?

Nature treasure baskets: Simply collect leaves, sticks, pine cones, stones, seeds and flowers, place them in a basket and

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At Alkira Early Learning Centre, being out in nature is core to our philosophy and we believe vital for children, and their development.

Within our daily practices we use natural resources and the environment as the “third teacher” meaning behind educators and families, physical spaces hold the potential to influence what and how children learn. Our “Adventure” (bush kindy) program allows children time to explore natural bush environments and learn how to use the land and its resources in a sustainable way.

Infants and babies are making meaning of their world every day.

They do this through exploring their environment using all five senses.

Sensory input is how babies learn to respond to new experiences, perceive their own bodies and take in new information. These experiences create pathways for children’s brains to make neural connections, which are happening every millisecond. Bush walks, the beach, and even natural resources in the

watch the exploration unfold. Always be close by and ensure that all items are safe because we all know when a baby picks something up, it is going straight in their mouth. This mouthing response is how babies explore their world and make sense of objects.

Nature ice cubes: Collect natural items on your walks or from your garden such as leaves, berries or flowers (making sure they are safe to eat). Place them in ice cube trays, fill with water and freeze.

Then sit back and watch the joy and wonder in your baby’s expression as the cubes unfreeze slowly in front of their eyes stimulating all the senses.

As children have more experience and understanding of the world around them, the opportunities for learning and exploration within nature continue to grow. Not only does it provide a myriad of free resources and experiences, but also aids in calming children and

backyard, are all perfect for stimulating these connections.

Although it is important to always assess risk and danger, for children to experience nature in all its glory, we must put aside some of our worries and give a little ‘free reign’. Outdoor experiences require children to make decisions and judgements which also allows them to experience graduated risk, at levels they are comfortable with. Learning how to assess risk is an essential skill to acquire as the more risks you allow children to take, the better they learn to look after themselves.

“

Spending time in nature is linked to both cognitive benefits and improvements in mood, mental health and emotional well being.

(Weir . 2020)

contributing to positive mental health.

Simply allowing children to see, taste, smell, hear and touch the trees as you walk past, the sand under their feet or the texture of sticks they find along the way is a great start.

The environment itself, as well as natural resources and “treasures”, provide excellent opportunities to build on areas of development such as creativity, literacy and numeracy as well as STEM (science, technology, engineering and WHAT EXPERIENCES COULD YOU ENGAGE YOUR CHILD IN AT HOME?

Nature crowns: A collection of “treasures” will do the trick along with cardboard and tape is all you need to create a special crown. Add scissors to the mix and allow children to build on their cutting skills and assess risk as they work with sharp objects.

mathematics). While out walking or playing at the beach, you can assist your child’s learning by encouraging them to count shells or birds, use leaves and sticks to write names and letters or use found “treasures” to create patterns with

shapes and sizes. If you want to get even more creative, why not forage on your travels and set up some nature–play experiences at home.

Potion making: Leaves, gumnuts and flowers make for great “potion” ingredients. You will need water, pots, bottles and spoons, and for a little more risk provide glass bottles for children to work with. The action of pouring, mixing and then seeing the colours change will spark more curiosity and creativity and is a relaxing experience that will have them captivated for hours.

Endless possibilities of a stick: Sticks can be just about anything you want them to be. Tie some leaves or foliage to the end and use them as a natural paintbrush or magic wand. Create a wind catcher using twine, leaves, flowers and nuts. Old fabric, twine and leaves can create a family of stick people to use for imaginative play. Sticks can make letters and numbers and to add some risk, allow your children to explore wood whittling using a potato peeler; this works best on smooth, softer sticks and be sure to supervise.

“

Outdoor experiences require children to make decisions and judgements which also allows them to experience graduated risk, at levels they are comfortable with.

At Alkira ELC when we take our children into nature, we make sure to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land, the Darkinjung people and while we encourage our children and families to use natural resources, it is also important to be respectful of the land by only taking what is needed and no more; to walk softly and leave only footprints.

The possibilities of learning in nature and what it gives to our heart, soul and overall wellness prove to be endless, and here on the Central Coast, we are spoilt for choice. So, let’s use this uncertain time in our lives to give us a wellness boost and some fun learning while we immerse ourselves in nature.

Alkira Early Learning Centre 1 Reads Rd Wamberal Ph 4384 9000 www.alkiraelc.com.au Facebook – /alkiraearlylearningcentrewamberal Instagram – Alkira_elc

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OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

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Safer

baby

sleep

As a Doctor, discussing the concept of co–sleeping or bed–sharing with parents remains a fairly controversial topic. Co–sleeping is defined as an adult and baby sharing a sleep surface (bed, couch, chair, etc) whereas bed–sharing is sharing an adult bed with a parent or parents for sleep.

We are naturally concerned that we may be seen as promoting co–sleeping and worry about the risk of sleep related infant deaths.

Many parents feel ashamed to admit that they are co–sleeping for fear of how their health professional will react. In the past, it may have been easier to have a blanket statement that co–sleeping isn’t safe, but we may be missing an opportunity for non–judgemental exploration of the current sleep situation at home and education to promote safer infant sleep.

As a Mother, I can understand and relate to why 75–80% of babies spend some time co–sleeping in the first 3–6 months of life in Australia. My conviction that I had no intention of ever co–sleeping was not that realistic in the stark reality of my own exhaustion with a baby that just would not sleep. I attempted it in desperation and so the first time I gave it a go it was unplanned,

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BY DR ALISON MOONEY

I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I couldn’t remember all the safety checks. Luckily, nothing went wrong (no sleep happened either, both my boys thought it was party time) If we advocate for never co–sleeping, a parent may choose to feed their baby in an armchair or sofa which we know can actually increase the risk of SIDS up to 50–fold. The mother may also try to feed sitting up in bed rather than planning safer side–lying breastfeeding. If we initiate a conversation, we can discuss how to plan for safer co–sleeping if or when the situation arises.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) SIDS is the sudden and unexpected death of a baby under age one with onset of the episode during sleep that is unexplained after a thorough investigation by a coroner. SIDS is very rare (in 2017, 6 in every 100,000 babies died of SIDS in Australia) but it is much more likely to occur in certain situations and is more common at age 2–3 months.

There are key hazardous situations to avoid: Sleeping with your baby on a sofa, armchair or make–shift bed Sleeping with your baby after you have consumed alcohol or drugs (including over the counter medication that causes drowsiness) Sleeping with your baby if you are feeling unwell or overly exhausted Sleeping with your baby if you are a smoker or smoked during pregnancy Sleeping with your baby if they are

currently unwell, they were born prematurely or had a low birth weight Room–Sharing It is recommended to sleep in the same room as your baby for the first 6 months of life as it significantly reduces the risk of SIDS compared to babies sleeping in a room alone. This is also applicable for day–sleeps where the baby should be in the same room as a parent. Options include cots, bassinets or Moses baskets close to the adult bed or a three–sided cot that attaches to the parents’ bed.

Place baby on their back to sleep Place baby on a clear, firm, flat mattress Ensure baby’s head will not become covered Use a sleep sack or position with feet at the foot of the cot under a firmly tucked sheet Keep the baby in the same room for at least the first 6 months Prevent overheating Do not overdress or cover your baby with too many layers Keep room at 16–20 degrees The room is a smoke–free zone Bed–sharing for the Breastfeeding Mother and Baby (Breast–sleeping) Bed–sharing occurs when a baby shares the adult bed with one or both parents which may be intentional or used as a last resort. Bed–sharing promotes breastfeeding initiation, duration and exclusivity. Breastfeeding is a major protective factor against

SIDS in the absence of known hazards.

The reason for this is multifactorial, including that most breastfeeding mothers naturally adopt a C–shape position by laying on their side facing their baby, knees drawn up under the baby’s feet and an arm above the baby’s head. This prevents the baby from moving down under a covering or up under a pillow. Breastfeeding mothers are also exquisitely alert to their baby’s movements and noises so easily wake to feed side–lying (the same behaviour does not occur in mothers who have never breastfed). Also, breastfed babies are more easily aroused from sleep than formula fed babies.

Place baby on a clear, firm, flat mattress (waterbeds, bean bags and soft beds are not suitable) Place baby on their back to sleep, never on their tummy or side (they may feed on their back or side but should always be on their back to sleep) Keep pillows and bed coverings well away from your baby, especially their head and face Check there are no gaps around the bed or between the mattress and headboard that your baby could get wedged or trapped in and that your baby cannot fall off the bed Make sure you position yourself between your baby and other heavy–sleeping adults (avoid having pets or other children in the bed) Never leave your baby alone in the bed Keep the room at a comfortable temperature (16–20 degrees)

Your baby should not be overdressed, safe sleeping bags with a fitted neck and armholes can be helpful Practical Tips When preparing for when baby comes home ask yourself questions such as where will my baby sleep at night?

Where will they have day time naps?

The night time space should be fairly dark, avoiding turning on bright lights for feeds and nappy changes (plus only change a nappy if it is absolutely necessary) Keep baby close if in a separate sleep space (cot/bassinet/3–sided cot) by the side of your bed so you can hear them stir. Ideally, offer a feed before they become too ‘dialled up’ as it may take longer to ‘dial down’ and at night it is best to do whatever gets everyone back to sleep as quickly as possible If your baby doesn’t settle try offering another feed, even if they have just fed (it is impossible to overfeed a breastfed baby). If we feed flexibly and frequently, rather than by the clock, we can help our baby stay ‘dialled down’ Have water next to your bed at night as breastfeeding can make you incredibly thirsty. You might even want to have a snack to hand. I had

many a midnight trip to the kitchen for a peanut butter sandwich!

Day time naps in the same room as a parent can be in a bright and noisy environment giving baby helpful day time cues to set their circadian clock and promote them only taking the sleep they need to take the edge off.

Consider a portable sleep space or invest in a separate safe sleep space Planning a holiday? Take time to consider a safe sleeping arrangement for your baby while away In summary, bed–sharing is extremely common and providing education to all parents on the concept of safer bed–sharing, regardless of their current beliefs, has the potential to reduce the risk of SIDS. Each baby and family are unique and armed with safe sleep information parents can make an informed decision while being aware of any potential risks.

Resources – Bedsharing and Breastfeeding: The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine Protocol #6, Revision 2019 by Blair et al.

Breastfeed Med. 2020;15:5–16. DOI: 10.1089/ bfm.2019.29144.psb. www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly www.basisonline.org.uk

Dr Alison Mooney MBBS FRACGP DCH Clin Dip Pall Med Originally from Scotland, Alison achieved her Medical degree at the University of Newcastle upon Tyne in 2008 and has lived and worked on the Central Coast since 2010. She is currently working part time as a GP with special interests in women and child health. Following several years of fertility problems and IVF treatment, Alison and her husband are now delighted to have two very energetic boys! Alison has recently undertaken further rigorous training and is proud to be the first NDC accredited practitioner on the Central Coast and is thrilled to share her knowledge with families in her new service, The Moon Clinic. www.moonclinic.com.au

START YOUR NEXT ADVENTURE HERE Toowoon Bay | Killarney Vale Blake Gray 0448 822 123 Paul Denny 0417 266 488 Shop 1 134 Wyong Rd, Killarney Vale 2261 02 4332 6800

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OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

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Six ways to gentle discipline and reconnection with

your toddler

BY NIKKI SMITH

If you are a parent or if you have ever interacted with children between the ages of 18 months and 3 years, then you most likely have witnessed many of the milestone behaviour within autonomy versus shame and doubt stage from Erik Erikson’s stage of psychosocial development.

Matters such as wanting to dress themselves, feed themselves with their fingers, or you may have even struggled to hold them whilst they scream into your chest that they can’t and won’t find their drink bottle (even though you know that they haven’t started looking and it’s on the kitchen bench).

It’s at this point in development that young children will begin to express a greater need for independence and control over themselves as well as the world around them.

As parents, your ultimate goal is to raise children to thrive, not just survive.

You want them to enjoy meaningful relationships with themselves as well as others. You want them to feel good about who they are.

Let’s be honest, toddlers are impulsive, they’re rigid and they’re learning!

Using empathy and understanding,

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by putting yourselves in their shoes, treating them as you would want to be treated – I believe, these are the first steps in creating a more harmonious relationship.

According to Erikson, children at this stage are focused on developing a greater sense of self control.

Your toddler at this age is gradually wanting and yearning for an increase in their independence, they want greater control over what they are doing and how they are going to do it. Toddlers that are in the thick of this developmental stage will often feel the need to do everything independently!

Things such as picking out their own clothes, deciding what they will and won’t eat, toys and games that they want to play. This can create so much frustration for many parents just like you. And understandably so, you want your toddler to look super cute but instead they look like a red hot mess!

The simple fact is, this is not only an important milestone in development for your little one, but an essential one. Your toddler is developing their personality even further, they are creating their own unique sense of style all whilst creating personal autonomy.

As parents, it is important to know that it is OK to let go and allow your little one to develop their own sense of ‘style’ or to eat with their fingers! After all it is part of the fun of being little enough to ‘get away with it!’

Below are six ways to gentle discipline and reconnection whilst being in the thick of this fascinating but also at times, frustrating developmental stage!

Choose your battles For us as parents it could be something as simple as choosing an outfit for the day, but if they decide to change it up and wear mismatched clothing then they are establishing their own personal autonomy and we are simply there to help them express their creativity!

Of course, there are non negotiables such as wearing their seatbelt but it’s ok if they want to help click the seatbelt in, again you’re dodging a bullet aka a meltdown but they’re strengthening their sense of autonomy. It’s win win.

Give two options but it has the same outcome This is one of the simplest and easiest tips for parenting throughout difficult toddler behaviour. In giving your toddler two options with the same outcome it will help make your toddler feel more in control. Meanwhile, you are also getting them to agree to what you would like done. For example, “would you like some help to put on your shoes or mama can put them on?” or “This outfit or this one?” you could even use this for dinner time, try presenting the same dinner but in two different ways.

Same result for you but it looks different to your little one.

Try to give warnings and use a timer How would you feel if you were mid conversation with a girlfriend and your partner suddenly started to usher you away or worse picked you up and carried you out the door all whilst saying “we are leaving now” I think it’s safe to say that the conversation that would ensue

would be more like a huge argument and I don’t think you would feel respected.

Your toddler feels the same way when you drag them out of a park without fore warning. I will tend to say something like, “ok honey one more swing then no more,” whilst holding up one finger, that way your toddler is also getting a visual of what you would like. A timer on your phone works well for your older toddler too, explain to your toddler that you are setting the timer for 5 more minutes and when it rings it will be time to go.

Consequences for their actions As parents, we can quickly react instead of respond. An example of reacting rather then responding is you as their parent snatching the texta away because

“

As parents, your ultimate goal is to raise children to thrive, not just survive. they were drawing on the coffee table and then giving them an automatic punishment in the form of a ‘time out.’

What is punishment teaching your toddler? ‘My parents are always yelling and punishing me. Why should I do what they want?’

Whereas consequences such as you getting down to their level and saying calmly, “Honey I have asked you not to

draw on the table and only on paper, if you do it again I’ll have to take all of the textas away?” If your toddler draws on the coffee table again, get down on their level and repeat “Ok, I just told you not to draw on the coffee table, I’m going to have to take all of the textas away.” Your toddler learns from consequences that “I make mistakes, but my parents always understand,” “My parents mean what they say.”

Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand your own feelings as well as the feelings of others. We can teach our children to develop their emotional intelligence by helping them to name their feelings, “you look upset?” We can also help them to talk more openly about how they are feeling, “and how did that make you feel?”

We are teaching them a little more control for themselves over their BIG feelings.

When we as adults feel heard and understood and our partner can paraphrase our feelings back to us such as “oh honey, it sounds like you’ve had a rough day, having sick kids is exhausting,” this alone is a valuable tool for connection within your relationship.

This same sort of reconnection can also happen for your child and parent relationship too, especially whilst they are acting out.

Hug it out We always hug it out!! As frustrating

as it is mid meltdown, and it could very well be the last thing you feel like doing, majority of the time a simple hug can soften both of your resolve and make for a very easy but beautiful first step in reconnection with your little one.

You see, your toddler may not want you to ‘fix’ their problem after all. The ‘problem’ might not even need fixing.

Maybe all your child needs is a sounding board – someone to talk to and someone to listen to them with their whole heart.

Be their someone. Be that person for your child. Because even the ‘little’ things in life can become the ‘bigger’ things.

With love, safety, security and connection in these foundation years you can lay down the importance of emotional and communicative groundwork to help your child grow soundly.

Nikki Smith, is the founder of The Earthway Approach and mother to 3 beautiful, sensitive, and boisterous little women. Nikki has been a Registered Nurse for the past 12 years with a 4 year hiatus in between so that she could focus on being a mum. Nikki also has a Postgraduate in Maternal Child and Family Nursing and is currently studying counseling. Nikki has been working and supporting families on the Gold Coast, Northern Rivers and now Central Coast of NSW Australia over the past 5 years. Nikki is also the author of her newly published book ‘Honest Motherhood – Words of comfort and musings into motherhood.’ Nikki’s expertise is in early infancy and toddler behaviour, she is passionate about maternal and infant mental health and well being as well as providing holistic responsive parenting support with a whole family approach. You can find further support, and information on any of Nikki’s current offerings such as 1:1 consultations or upcoming workshops from her socials and website below.

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/TheEarthwayApproach INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/the_earthway_approach/ WEBSITE https://www.earthwayparenting.com.au/

The Earthway Approach A grounded & holistic approach for your whole family.

Parenting Consultations & Intimate Group Workshops with

Nikki Smith (RN, CAFN) 0404 592 134

OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

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CENTRAL COAST

Kids Day Out Did you know that the team behind Central Coast Kids Day Out have continued to be busy behind the scenes working towards creating the most fabulous event for you all to enjoy when we return in 2022? And that we are still running some wonderful online activities for you to be involved in while we wait?

CCKDO is an interactive unique annual event, focused on families with children 0 – 12 years old. The aim of the event is to promote the long term well being of children on the Central

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Coast and to make kids’ lives happier and more positive. CCKDO focuses on the importance of the early years; the importance of parenting; services that enrich the lives of families; and emphasising the richness of living on the Central Coast.

All activities are designed to support CCKDO’s mission statement which states: “Through the provision of information, and the enhancement of interagency links, Central Coast Kids Day Out will become an annual event to strengthen and develop functional family units and promote the long term well being of children on the Central Coast”.

There is no better way to do that

than by ensuring parents are recognised for the job they do, and by providing as much information about parenting and the support available, from a range of government departments and non government agencies in the areas of health, education and welfare.

“

CCKDO is an interactive unique annual event, focused on families with children 0 – 12 years old.

We have recorded informative interviews with services including the SES and Transition to School, that you can watch on our YouTube channel, to learn more about how these services are able to help.

You can join us for this year’s online event via our Facebook and Instagram pages as well as our website and our new YouTube channel.

To keep your little one’s minds busy during the current lock down and restrictions, we have launched our ‘Fun Behind the Lens ‘activity. We all know how much our kids love taking photos, especially selfies, so we wanted to showcase their creativity for everyone to see. Our first theme of ‘Flowers and Things that grow’ has been a hit for Spring – be sure to check out our Facebook posts for the next theme to be announced and join in the fun.

Our exciting news for 2022 is that we will be back with our traditional event on the 6th of November in the new

Covid safe venue of The Entertainment Grounds in Gosford! We are so looking forward to seeing you all in person again and to bring to you a wonderful day full of amazing entertainment including our talented children and youth of the Central Coast who at every event have performed for us in dance, drama, singing and music. It is truly a highlight to have on stage our own stars. Of course, we will have a major act, but you will have to stay tuned for the line up to be announced. Our stalls will be packed with services and local businesses who are available to support you and your families’ changing needs. There are over seventy stalls that provide information to parents about their children. CCKDO is a great day to get out and have some quality family fun while educating yourself of the many services available right here in our beautiful Central Coast.

This year we are focussing on the theme ‘Change and the effects on Children’ as we think that Covid has had

an effect on our lifestyle. Our lives have changed, and this has an impact on our children and we would like to explore this concept and its issues at CCKDO this year.

We are currently looking for sponsorship from large and small businesses to help create our special day. We are happy to announce our first silver sponsors of CCKDO are Erina Leagues Club and your very own On the Coast Families magazine! We offer an amazing package in return for your sponsorship with extensive advertising exposure at one of the Central Coast largest family focused events. We can’t run this community event without your support and are happy to accept gifts in kind and in time, with many volunteering opportunities available.

Contact us at info@cckdo.org for more details of how you can be involved.

We look forward to seeing you there, come and join us! Take care of your lovely selves! CCKDO committee 2021

In 2020 we celebrated our 21st birthday and we were excited to share this with you through the CCKDO Time Capsule project. We welcomed hundreds of entries from children around the Central Coast sharing with us their experience of living life through the coronavirus pandemic. It was overwhelming and inspiring to be able to read through the entries and artworks and learn how children were feeling and processing this life changing virus. We feel that this was an important community building activity for now and our future when the capsule is opened in 2071! You can hunt for the Time Capsule plaque to find where it is buried in the new Leagues Club Park in Gosford Waterfront.

Find us at www.cckdo.org and on our socials: YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7_SZN1m_lGZ4HOAdq9YW4g Facebook https://www.facebook.com/CCKDO/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/cckidsdayout/

OCTOBER/NOVEMBER – ISSUE 114

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How to repair after a tough day

with your kids

BY ALITA BLANCHARD, PARENT COACH

Like many parents, you may be coping with your own emotional pains, pandemic stress, anxiety, as well as a lack of support and village.

You will inevitably crack some days and explode at your sweet child. Here is how to repair the disconnection on those tough days.

The ongoing global pandemic is well and truly taking its toll. Many parents are in varying levels of stress and nervous systems are in an almost constant state of fight, flight or freeze.

All of this, on top of the everyday emotional experience of raising children, may have you in cycles of anger, sadness and disconnection. Every parent will “lose it” at their kids at some point – yell, scream, push, rage, ignore, threaten and punish.

It would make absolute sense if you are at the end of your tether – impatient, overwhelmed, exhausted and, as such, your capacity to remain calm and connected is harder than ever.

What our children need For children to thrive, they need to rest in the safety of a loving and connected relationship with their primary caregiver and feel the

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4S’s of attachment – safe, seen, soothed and secure.

When you’ve had a tough day with your child, it can be easy to feel a lot of guilt and shame about how you have reacted to their often challenging behaviours.

The key to ensuring an ongoing secure and attuned connection on those tough days is to reconnect and repair the rupture.

This is so critical and it is what many parents missed out on as children. I have many mothers I work with that say “my parents never said sorry to me”. When you learn and practice this process of repair, you are not only modelling to your child how to do a true, healthy, connected apology (instead of some

forced “say you’re sorry” that sadly is still expected of children), you are also healing parts of yourself that had never heard these repairs.

Ruptures are inevitable A rupture is a break in connection with your child. Perhaps you yelled, screamed, ignored them, threatened them, said goodbye at daycare and left them crying, set a limit that upset them.

This is life. It happens. You cannot meet your child’s every need, it is an impossibility.

A rupture without repair creates disconnection If you don’t make a repair with your child, this creates a disconnection between you. Prolonged disconnection can lead to a low sense of self worth in the child, humiliation and shame.

A repair can be a simple practice A repair is simply reconnecting with your child after an outburst, apologising, letting them know what was happening for you, what you should have done differently and letting them know you will try to do better next time.

You will need to calm and regulate yourself first Lots of advice in the parenting space to find calm is simply “just take some deep breaths” but this doesn’t work for everyone, especially those with anxiety.

Find what works for your nervous system as we all regulate our nervous systems differently. This alone can be quite a big journey of discovery.

Shake your hands as if shaking off anger Breathe – focus on long slow exhales Walk outside – slow down, notice nature, listen for sounds Rub your finger along your lips Tapping on your collar bone saying “I am safe” Music – sing or angry dance Drink cold water or splash on face Cry in your room Scream into a pillow Call a listening partner / empathy buddy What a repair might sound like: “I am sorry that I [yelled, screamed, hurt] you.

I was feeling …[frustrated, tired, rejected, unheard etc].

I should have….[taken space, gone outside, breathed, asked for some space].

I apologise for my behaviour. Would you like to share your feelings?”

Then just listen. Don’t justify or lecture. Just listen.

Why repairs can feel hard You may find it hard to process your anger You have deeper triggers and pain that need to be released You have shame and/or fear (about

what you did or what people might think of you) No one said sorry to you as a child so you don’t think you should Self compassion for when it’s all too hard.

This process can feel clunky and takes practice. Remember your humanity. Treat yourself as you would a good friend when it all gets hard. Self compassion is key, turn your kind words inwards to yourself.

And remember, no matter how tough the day got, or how bad the week seemingly was, YOU ARE ALWAYS ENOUGH. Everything you are doing is enough.

Alita Blanchard helps mothers lessen the guilt and shame, release healthy anger, meet their own needs and build capacity for listening to their children’s feelings so they can feel more connected to themselves and their children. She creates a supportive space for mothers to feel heard and seen in the intensity of their motherhood journey.

Alita is a mother of 4 young boys (including a stillborn son Remy) on the NSW Central Coast. She is a trauma informed Conscious Parent Coach and Women’s Circle facilitator. She provides regular mothers circles, events, listening time and parent coaching programs – online and in person. www.theawaremama.com.au Socials: @alitablanchardspace Email alitablanchard@gmail.com

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e v o l life Matters of

&

BY SARAH TOLMIE

READER QUESTION:

“My husband and I have very different parenting styles. We have two young sons. I like to explain the whys and consequences but my husband is less patient, and will just say it is this way or this is the punishment. We end up fighting each other about which way is better and confusing the boys. How do we go about changing this for the better for all of us?”

Dearly Beloved First up – as a mother of boys –respect!

It’s a sacred and tough job. I found it particularly confusing being from a family of only girls, boys – what an alien species, right?

When it comes to parenting, we see the mirror of own family and childhood playing out and reflected back. It is almost inevitable that we will see in our own parenting persona both the best and worst glimpses of our own parents.

We will unconsciously act within the experiential lens of our own family

values, or better or for worse.

Conflicts in parenting styles can be a perpetual conflict potential for couples.

Parenting challenges don’t go away – they’re not a once solved then all is good situation, they stay with us, change and evolve in form and context as kids grow and develop and enter ‘new ages, stages

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O N T H E C OA S T – FA M ILIES

and rages’. As such, both parents need to approach their differences with a curiosity and a care to understand, not, a judgement and a need to be right approach.

Rather than being in conflict, couples can become a unified parental team and combine each other’s different capacities, once they begin to appreciate and understand the different foundations of their family beliefs and values system.

When we engage in this exploration it can lead to a personal reflection to decide together whether you want to keep to your inherited ways or develop a different approach, together, based on committing to a shared value system.

In Gottman Couple Therapy, we call this uncovering the ‘dream within conflict’. What are the feelings and beliefs that hold someone strong to a position on an issue? What is the dream behind their position, or the story of the source of the dream or belief? Where does this deeply held belief come from?

Humans will fight for their values.

We will fight for our dreams. And sometimes, they are so hidden, unspoken

and without language, we will fight for them and not even know it. And as partners/parents, we can find ourselves unknowingly, unwittingly, crushing each other’s dreams when we think we are fighting about something else.

Some questions to ask can be: “tell me why this is so important to you?” or “is there a story behind this for you? or does this relate to your background or childhood history in some way?”, or “what is your ideal dream here?”. Soon you might realise that you are not fighting about disciplining children differently, but you are in the presence of deep personal values/dreams such as freedom, safety, being true to yourself, getting over past wounds or being worthy of love.

at the cost of being scared of his dad, losing respect for him and rebelling, and ending up not in close relationship. Now that boy, as an adult father, may find himself replicating his dad’s style but it is affecting his closeness to his own son and causing conflict with his wife. We can’t change our childhood, but we do get a choice about how we parent. We can break patterns and learn new skills. It is about knowing what you value, holding onto the right dream for the future you want.

Sharing values and the same goals but having different approaches to express and create experiences in pursuit of the same bigger picture, is OK. Try not to force your way as the only way. Both of you can be right.

Maybe a boy’s experience of his dad’s tough love kept him safe, protected and disciplined (all good things) but it came

Much love Sarah x

Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end–of–life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love – at end–of–life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a relationship online course for couples called “Creating a Miracle Marriage” and a free resource and video series for families facing dying, death and grief called “Landscapes of Life & Love and Loss”.

To find out more, visit www.sarahtolmie.com.au.

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Central Coast Kids in Need

Retired nurse Lorraine Churchill is one of the finalists of Westfields Local Heroes that recognizes the important contribution made to the community by locals, which is to be announced on 12th October. Through Central Coast Kids in Need, Lorraine has dedicated the past 16 years to providing financial help to families with premature newborns or children who need hospital care in both Sydney and Newcastle.

As Lorraine tells it, Central Coast Kids in Need is a small volunteer group of 18 members, that gets no government assistance and is a not for profit organization that has no paid employees. Central Coast Kids In Need fundraises to assist local families of seriously ill children and children with disabilities, with their accommodation costs so that families can stay with their children whilst they undergo specialised treatment in both Sydney and Newcastle hospitals. We also assist with high cost prescription items, specialised formula’s, quality of life equipment and travel expenses.

such as mortgages, rates, insurances and utility bills to pay.

A large proportion of the children are cancer patients, premature babies with life threatening health issues, bone marrow transplants, organ transplants, spina bifida, cystic fibrosis, Autism and ADHD, as well as children with disabilities.

Central Coast Kids in Need has been established for 28 years and initially only had 3 hospitals on our books, Westmead Children’s Hospital, Sydney Children’s Hospital Randwick and John Hunter.

Though over the past year we have had numerous premature babies airlifted to Royal North Shore and Royal Hospital for Women Sydney, as occasionally we have to go to wherever there is a NICU bed available, as hospitals in our area are not able deal with premature babies less than 31 weeks.

Some children are in the hospital for months on end and this can put an enormous financial strain on families as they go from 2 salaries down to 1, with mum having to stay with their sick child and dad trying to work and visit whenever possible. Central Coast Kids in Need pays travel costs for these trips and subsequent visits after the child has been released from hospital, if there is a need for them to attend clinics for treatment.

We rely on Social Workers to introduce families to our organization and we don’t means test our families as they still have every day living expenses

Over the past 16 years Central Coast Kids in Need has outlaid in excess of $4.02 million and assisted in excess of 3256 families.

Last financial year we helped 309 families, paying out $321,553 in assistance.

Already this financial year we have 151 families on our books and have paid out $55,124.

Central Coast Kids in Need raises funds through donation houses in local businesses, recycling cans and scrap metals. We also run an annual raffle held in conjunction with The Adam (Molch) Hillier Surf Classic held on the October Long Weekend as well as charity days run by various organisations with our assistance. Unfortunately due to Covid these events haven’t been able to go ahead so we are dramatically down on funds and do not qualify for Government Stimulus Assistance as we are all volunteers.

We do however apply for Grants from the Club’s NSW CDSE Grant Scheme, philanthropic trusts and foundations, along with the generosity of the local community.

It’s with these grants and donations, along with the community spirit and generosity of the people on the Central Coast that allows us to do what we do and keeps us keeping on.

We endeavour to continue this fundraising to keep our families together during their time of crisis, we strive to make these children’s lives as happy as we can, as nothing is more important in our lives than our kids.

To our knowledge we are the only volunteer group of our kind in NSW.

Should you require any further information or wish to donate, call Lorraine on 0428 326 284 or email lorraine@cckin.com.au

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ALPINE Alpine Everesting is an upcoming fundraising event established by Central Coast GP, Dr Elly Warren, and her elite triathlete friend, Bec Hoschke, who met on a Tour de Cure charity ride last year raising money for cancer.

Tour de Cure raises $7–12M a year for Australian cancer research, prevention and support services. Elly and Bec discovered they share the same birthday as well as a passion for community and a strong determination to address social inequality.

Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are 40% more likely to die from cancer than other Australians. Cancer screening rates are lower, leading to more advanced disease at diagnosis and poorer treatment outcomes. Cancer risk factors like smoking and obesity are more prevalent too, causing cancers that would otherwise be preventable with healthy diet and lifestyle changes. Barriers to cancer care relate to social disadvantage, lack of access to transport, financial strain, low health literacy, and a range of other cultural, political and health care system factors.

In January 2022, Elly and Bec are targeting the cancer gap for Aboriginal families through their Alpine Everesting challenge with Tour de Cure. They

Everesting

Pictured: Dr Elly and the team at Yerin Eleanor Duncan Aboriginal Health Centre

hope to raise enough money to fund an Aboriginal Health Worker Cancer Navigator position to provide cultural support, health education and guide people with cancer through treatment.

This is an amazing and unique opportunity to directly benefit Aboriginal people with cancer on the Central Coast.

Elly and Bec have assembled a group of 30 incredible athletes from across Australia to complete an Everesting Roam challenge, including more than 20 women, 5 of which are from the Central Coast. Only 27 women in the world have ever completed an Everesting Roam. Every rider will raise a minimum $1000 for the project. They will cycle 500km in 36 hours in Bright, Victoria (or in their own local government areas if borders are still closed due to Covid).

Everesting challenges have become popular during the Covid pandemic while other endurance cycling events have been cancelled or postponed. Riders can choose a route that suits them if it

satisfies the Everesting rules: minimum 400km within 36 hours, 10000m vertical, sleep allowed.

A special artwork has been created by local Aboriginal artist, Jodi Shannon, in honour of her nephew Beau, who died from cancer aged 5yo. The riders will wear a cycling kit designed using the painting. Beach towels, stainless steel water bottles and swimming costumes will be customed from the artwork for purchase before Christmas to aid the fundraising.

Yerin Eleanor Duncan Aboriginal Health Centre and Dr Elly will also run a Get Active for Cancer challenge, inspiring the local Darkinjung community to exercise and improve the lifestyle factors that lead to poor cancer outcomes. The Darkinjung community and Alpine Everesting riders are working together for the greater cause, inspiring true collaboration and raising awareness about cancer in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.

Help them reach their $50,000 goal by donating at www.alpineeveresting.com.au Follow Dr Elly, Bec and their team of Alpine Everesters as they train for this epic adventure on Instagram and Facebook @alpineeveresting

Dr Elly rides with Tour de Cure in her helmet painted by Aboriginal artist, Jodi Shannon, who has also created a special artwork for the Alpine Everesting event in January

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Dr Elly Warren works at Yerin Eleanor Duncan Aboriginal Health Centre and Your Family Doctors at Erina. Read her ‘What should I know about cancer?’ blog on Instagram @drelly_warren and follow her Tour de Cure journey on Facebook @drellystdc

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