NEW Bi-Monthly Issues April - May 2014, Issue 19
MAKE FRESH STARTS
Spring & New
One Can at a Time KEY TO SU CCESS ATTITU DE WHEN YOU GET MAX
Teen & Credit Healthy Snacks YOUR ENERGETIC KIDS SHOW AND ASK ALWAYS
Parents Teach Stress Solutions BUSY MOMS GET RELIEF
Special Needs AUTISISM AND ADHD
GIVE YOUR KIDS NATURE!!!
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April - May 2014, Issue 19
CONTENTS
Give Your Kids Nature Rising Disorder Called Nature Deficiency page # 6
By Diana Dentinger
Spring & New Beginnings Making Fresh Starts by Releasing Old
page # 8
By Tina Games
One Can at a Time The Key to Success
page # 11
By Kim Hall
HELP! My Kid Maxed Out My Credit Card
page # 13
By Fern Weis
Healthy Snacks For Healthy and Energetic Kids
page # 17
By Trudy Peterson
Parents ARE Teachers Show, Ask & Teach Kids
page # 20
By Dr. Connie Hebert 3
April - May 2014, Issue 19
CONTENTS
Dream Shifting Finding Inner Peace Parenting Special Needs
page # 23
By Siobhan Wilcox
Stress Relief For Working Mothers
page # 26
By Jackie Foskett
Journaling Your Way To Parenting with Peace & Presence
page # 30
By Lynda Monk
Jekyll & Hyde Parenting Parenting a Child with ADHD
page # 34
By Laurie Dupar
Raise Your Children on Peace and Love
Reach out to all the contributors for more peaceful & practical tips
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FROM THE EDITOR
Blossoming People Everywhere It was such a strange winter and seemed to last so long. Wow after all that cold and white snow everywhere, seeing all the green is great. How I love feeling the warmth of the Spring sun and smelling the amazing scent of the flowers. I would definitely say that Summer is my favorite season, but Spring this year sure is a welcomed change! With more daylight we naturally feel energized. We seem to be more motivated to get up and go and tend to start new projects with enthusiasm. Yes, this is one reason why the Inner Peace Parenting Magazine will start coming out every two months from here on. The content will always be rich and varied from top quality contributors who are helping parents worldwide. I too have been called to increase my reach and concentrate more time on offering women cutting edge tools to support them creating a more fulfilling life. These women will then influence those around them in a more confident way therefore creating a ripple effect of goodness globally.
April - May 2014, Issue 19
FEEDBACK Your feedback is welcome. This is your magazine too. Let us know what would help you find inner peace in parenting your children. Contact Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Magazine Privacy Policy Copyright 2012 Diana Dentinger Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Sviluppo CCT sas - Italy All rights reserved under the International and Pan American Copyright Conventions. Reproduction in whole or part is prohibited without written permission from the publisher. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the unsolicited materials.
April Showers Bring May Flowers Diana Dentinger, Editor Inner Peace Parenting Magazine
In the Facebook posts I will keep you informed about how both the magazine and other projects that could interest you are expanding. Be a part of the movement to blossom by finding energy, meaning and fulfillment. Sign up for a free video series called “The 4 Fantastic Formulas for Energy & Fulfillment�:
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COVER STORY
Give Your Kids Nature Rising Disorder Called Nature Deficiency By Diana Dentinger
For the past few years they have identified a new disorder... we sure wouldn’t want to miss out on adding new ones here and there to the list!!! Well, this one is pretty easy to figure out by the name: Nature Deficit Disorder. Preparing for the release of his book in 2005 called “Last Child in the Woods”, Richard Louv traveled for 10 years all around the USA to interview and report on this phenomenon. Understanding his discoveries can help you balance your parenting in this modern world! It is pretty obvious that everyone, especially children, are spending less time outdoors. Here as some of the reasons he has found. 1. FEAR! Parents are actually keeping their kids indoors more because they are afraid of what’s outdoors! We can imagine the fear of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz with all the lions, tigers, and bears, oh my! Or even the early settlers who really had wild things beyond their
front door. So the question is: Is it really so dangerous that you have to keep your kids indoors? The rising parental fear about “strangers” and “danger” sure is fueled by the media. Everyone reads or hears about the crazy stuff that goes on sometimes. But in your little “world” of own backyard or neighborhood or local park... is it that bad? This is just to get you to reflect on what your kids could be missing out on. Nature is a source of energy. It is a natural source of energy. The earth is a living organism that exchanges energy with those who “walk upon it.”
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This exchange happens less when there are buildings and concrete in the way. Instead when we human beings are out in nature, walking barefoot on the grass, playing in the sand on a beach or hiking up a mountain... well, nature is supporting us energetically. Have you ever seen the typical couch potato? He is a pretty lethargic type with less and less energy as the day goes by. Parents could prefer their kids indoors couching it since in a certain sense, the parents have more control over what their kids are up to. Who knows if they would ever get into mischief like so many generations ago did... and had a ball doing it too. 2. ELECTRONICS! With the advent of all these easily accessible video games and multiple televisions - computers smart phones per family, it makes it easy to entertain kids by keeping them looking at a screen. Some statistics say that the average American child spends 44 hours a week with electronic media. How about starting to count today!!! You will be surprised at how time adds up quickly. And then you wonder why you have so much to do, or your kids wonder why they haven’t finished homework!
What if a few of those hours were spent outside in the yard or on a walk or on a bike ride? Obviously we should exclude any talk about the rise in obesity at this point. It could get too painful to really open our eyes to what we have been sucked into and seduced into needing for entertainment. How about another “to do” thing... unplug the whole family for a whole day once a week? 3. LOOK DON’T TOUCH! Yes if you can believe it so much of nature and parks are “stay off” here or “stay on” there and the freedom to wander off the beaten path and explore rarely exists anymore. Sure we are not promoting destroying the natural parks or ruining every blade of grass in a beautiful lawn but often these restrictions are keeping kids from touching, smelling and feeling nature. Engaging less and less they are becoming disconnected to what nature offers. When during our generation they said “stop and smell the roses” it meant to slow down. Now it could mean to really stop and regain contact with the nature around you. So even though you are reading this magazine through some electronic device... please limit it and get yourself and kids out in nature soon!
Diana Dentinger Sign up for Diana’s free video series “The 4 Fantastic Formulas for Energy and Fulfillment” to get your life happier and healthier. Diana is the Founder of the Women of Meaning Gatherings that take place as seminars and retreats. Visit www.womenofmeaning.com
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PEACE IN SPRING
Spring & New Beginnings Making Fresh Starts by Releasing Old By Tina Games
We all arrive at periods in our life when we sit down and reflect on the path we have chosen in life - sometimes regretting certain choices and missed opportunities. And many of us have made drastic changes along the way, trying to make a fresh start in life. Yet no matter what we do, we always end up feeling the same way. The outer conditions may be different, but inside we're still the same. So when and how does a genuine fresh start begin? Imagine taking a walk in nature and being surrounded by the colors and signs of spring. You notice the beautiful lavender petals of the crocus flowers, peeking through the ground. You see robins darting from tree to tree, singing sweet songs of a new season. You're drawn to the buds on the dogwood tree, ready to burst into full bloom. You feel the change in temperature coming through a light breeze. You can sense that everything is changing - in preparation for a new cycle, a rebirth.
In nature, there is nothing that is not continually renewing itself - and that constant renewal is out of the ground of what no longer is. Nature knows that in order to renew itself, it must step out of the old and into a brighter, lighter way of being - much like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. There's a shedding of the old in order to make room for the emergence that's wanting to take place. And like the caterpillar, the change is happening from the inside out - from a place of wholeness and depth. 8
With the official start of the spring season finally here, I’d like to invite you to pay attention to what gifts spring has to share around the theme of rebirth and renewal. Think about your own new beginning and ponder the following nuggets of wisdom: Superficial starts never last.
• Spring comes to even the most desolate situations.
You can fix the outside all day long. But until you go inward, and create from the depth of your emotions, the "fix" isn't going to last.
• Don’t turn away from small gestures of support. Let them in. Invite them in. You never know how they will add up and multiply.
It becomes a band aid for wanting to be healed underneath or better understood inside.
• Things bloom best when the conditions are right. In the case of a desert, millions of seeds that have been dormant for years come alive eventually.
If you want to make a fresh start in your life, you have to put yourself where a fresh start actually takes place - in your heart and in your mind. You have to truly feel the change - and really desire the change. And once that's achieved, you can make up your mind that, yes - this change is welcomed. And from there, a plan of action can be put into place - allowing you to spring forth into a new beginning with an authenticity that honors who you are from the inside out. Nature is constantly changing - without hesitation. It "just is." It's our greatest teacher when it comes to healing that which needs to be healed and emerging again in full bloom.
Enough moisture in the soil melts away the waxy protective coating that keeps seeds viable for years and signals when the conditions are right to sprout, grow, and flourish. • As you begin to bloom, your essence attracts others. By freely sharing ideas, resources, and tips, you foster more growth and development – for yourself and for those who come forward to support you. • Your spring growth can trigger a ripple effect that may touch people in ways you can’t even imagine. • Your actions may be a source of inspiration. You may produce something that feeds others in some way – through gifts of information, knowledge or ideas. 9
• As the real season of spring unfolds in your area of the world, watch how your surroundings come alive with activity being triggered by growth that's happening from the inside out. • When the season of spring fades, the seeds from your own life can hold the potential for more growth, beauty, and excitement. When conditions are, once again, right for growth – you will see even more blooming. What wisdom can you gain from the fabulous show of spring? And how can it influence your own sense of new beginnings? Trust Your Own Sense of Timing Although you may be eager to get on with your new beginning, don't act before you feel ready.
Connect with yourself on an emotional level - and find creative ways to refine your vision so you feel more comfortable taking action. During this spring season, give yourself permission to "begin again" from the inside out, fully releasing yourself from the old way of doing things. Allow yourself to bask in nature’s wisdom of new beginnings by honoring your own self-healing and self-renewal. This is a necessary transition toward making a "real" fresh start. Take your cues from nature and open yourself to new beginnings - one petal at a time, as you blossom into the newest version of you.
Jumping into action because you are feeling pressured from people who love you or because you think you should is counterproductive. When you are ready to move forward, you will feel it. You'll feel more energized and focused than you have in a long time. If you hesitate, even when you have a clear plan, examine why you are hesitating.
Tina M. Games Tina M. Games is the author of Journaling by the Moonlight: A Mother's Path to SelfDiscovery (an interactive book with an accompanying deck of 54 journaling prompt cards) who wants women to tap into the "full moon within" and claim their authentic self, both personally and professionally. For more information about her work, please visit: www.JournalingByTheMoonlight.com 10
PEACE IN CAN DO
One Can at a Time The Key to Success By Kim Hall
Success comes in many shapes and sizes. What does it look like to you? What possibilities can be opened when you imagine them? The three letter word can is short and sweet, yet so full of meaning. It stands for three words: courageous action now. It brings to mind three thoughts to ponder on: Permission Inspiration Re+Creation Growing up, we were to be seen and not heard. When asking permission, many times the response to the question was a crushed “can.” My heart hungered for acknowledgement of answers that shared what I could do. Even a simple inspirational “You can do it!” was rarely heard from my parents who were raised by a generation that grew up during the depression. The doors opened when I entered college, and a world full of “can do” emerged. The ability to recreate who I was and what I could do shined its light.
The can in its physical cylindrical form can be recycled/recreated thousands of times into a new look and shape. The can is a reflection of us as people who too can be recycled, recreated and rebranded every day into what we can be, can achieve and can succeed. Its purpose is to contain the ingredients that quench thirst and nourish the body. My chance to balance the scales had arrived. “CaNpe” diem,” seize the can do attitude, became my mantra. 11
Focus on giving permission, inspiring others and recreating yourself daily. When giving permission, remind yourself and others what we can do. Be clever and shine light on what is possible with choices, empowering the receiver. Share answers full of what one can be, can have or can achieve. Focusing on “can” raises us up, we stand taller and show up better in life. Every day we have a choice to remember and remind others “You can do it!” Every day opens the door to recreate/ recycle/rebrand ourselves inside and out. Transforming ourselves into shinier/ prettier beings who can be filled with authentically amazing ingredients. The word can quenches the thirst and nourishes the soul with recognition and respect. Doors open when we choose what we can do through our thoughts, actions and words. It is true and it is possible when we give ourselves and others permission. achieve it!” When we choose words of inspiration and remember what we can do, can be or can achieve, people want to listen. You too can quench the thirst and nourish others with positive words like: “You can do it!” “You can be it!” “You can achieve it!”
The ability to be fully present and listen to others can change lives. So as you plant seeds this Mothers Day season, fill them with love! Remember that every seed planted can grow when watered with kind words. All of these possibilities free us to live our best through courageous actions now. Are you ready? Is it time to shift your focus now? Can you take the next best action step? All of us have approximately 60,000 thoughts per day and over 22 million per year. Scientists say that our thoughts send out energy waves. When the energy waves are positive, it can bring about peace. If you think you can, you can! Ask yourself these questions daily: What can I give myself permission to accomplish today to set myself up for success? What can inspire me to say, do or think things to set myself up for success? What can I recreate/rebrand within me and around me to set me up for success? When I can, you can; when two can it transforms into we can. Those ripples transform into waves of change creating a better world within and around us! Thank you for reading.
Kim Hall Kim Hall is an educator, inspirer and motivational speaker, an Art of Feminine Presence-licensed teacher, reiki master, intuitive essential oil facilitator and certified reboundologist. Hall specializes in women’s gatherings, numerology and the 7 Directions of Success Series. For more information, contact Kim at 407-504-1Kim or visit 1Kimhall.com. 12
PEACE IN MONEY
HELP! My Kid Maxed Out My Credit Card By Fern Weis
A college student puts all her expenses on her dad's credit card -- ALL her expenses, in addition to the tuition he paid with it. The card is maxed out, charges are being declined, and his credit score is plummeting. The solution? Now he gets reports from Experian so he can keep track of expenses and limits. Don't get me wrong. You do have to protect yourself. There's nothing wrong with it, as long as it's not the only solution. I'm looking at the places where things could have gone wrong, and will continue to go wrong if a more proactive parenting approach is not taken. Here we go. (Look out for recurring themes.) 1) Budgeting and finance Many young people have what they need and what they want, without understanding the hard work that went into providing it for them.
They need to know how money is earned, saved, invested and spent in reasonable ways. It's time to teach them about creating a budget. * Ask yourself: What's your money story? What message have you given your kids over the years, through words and deeds, about money matters? Ask them, too. You may be surprised to learn what they think. 13
Ask yourself: Why is it difficult to say 'no', whether it's about money or or other decisions involving your kids? What fears are showing up? 4) Setting clear expectations and limits
2) Communicating calmly and effectively
Once you're calm and have had time to think clearly, you're ready to discuss what you are and are not willing to do for them.
Can you imagine the frustration, maybe the explosion that came when he got the news? It's completely understandable... and not the way to produce long-lasting positive results. This requires some cool-down time and a quiet fact-finding discussion before you can work on solutions.
If you're paying for it, you have the right and responsibility to make decisions about how your money is spent. (See #3)
Ask yourself:
Ask yourself:
Besides the money and credit score, what else is really bothering you?
What expectations did my parents have for me? How have they served me?
3) Putting an end to enabling and entitlement
How will I feel when I create money expectations and limits and follow through with my own children?
How much funding will you give? Will they have to supplement with a job? Will you provide for certain expenses and not for others? (See #1)
This is tough. It can be difficult to say 'no' to them. Maybe they aren't used to hearing it from you because you've been able to provide it all for them. It bears repeating: Just because you can afford to give them what they want doesn't mean you should. Kids who learn to expect everything to be provided, without restriction, are not being prepared for real life. 14
5) Shifting responsibility to your teen or young adult This is the result you're going for: letting go enough to let your children be responsible for themselves. This is where they learn self-control, to make choices, to think before making those choices, and to live with the outcomes... in other words, preparation for life! Ask yourself: Where do you need to let go, and your child to take hold? How will this contribute to your well-being? To his or her growth? (They will most likely struggle and make mistakes. It's inevitable and necessary. (See #3.)
* For specific strategies and teaching points, read "Three skills to teach your teen about money." We all have a money story and pass it on to our children. What's your story? Where did it come from? I hope you'll share it on the blog. And if you'd like help sorting through your story and how to start changing the money mindset in your family, send me a note. I'd be happy to schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Session with you. Enjoy your teen and the money issues! Fern Weis
Fern Weis Fern Weis is a certified coach and middle school teacher. She helps parents break down the walls their teens put up, so they can have a great relationship and better results preparing their kids for college and beyond. Get support with your parenting concerns through coaching, classes and workshops, Fern@YourFamilyMattersCoach.com www.YourFamilyMattersCoach.com 15
PEACE IN SNACKS
Healthy Snacks for Healthy and Energetic Kids By Trudy Petersen
How do we feed kids healthy in a world full of fast, franken foods, which tear down rather than contribute to overall good health? Feeding them healthy is possible but will involve a bit more work. The good news is that with a little effort on your part it will be healthy for your kids and your pocket book. Not only are convenience foods nutritionally bankrupt - they are expensive! Some obvious simple good snacks most kids enjoy would include fruit, many seeds and nuts, cheeses and eggs. Of course if you are dealing with any allergies, some of these categories may not work for your child. Personally I think whether or not your child has gluten or wheat intolerance, it’s a good idea to eliminate the dependence on foods with wheat and grains. (For more information on the subject I highly recommend you read Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis.) My experience with kids is that if they can help make the foods they will enjoy eating them more! So, whenever possible allow the kids to help you make their snacks. My own grandchildren have proven this.
They always loved their protein shakes; and have been drinking them since they were infants. Being a nutritionist, I’m picky about what’s in those shakes - we always start with non-denatured New Zealand Whey either chocolate or vanilla. All of a sudden the kids decided they didn’t like the shakes so much. Knowing the need for good protein in their bodies, I had to figure out a way for them to want the shakes. So I started by buying them their own little shaker bottles. Then I let them create their own recipe. Once again they love them! Now they fix shakes themselves! Amazing how that works!
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Dehydrated fruit snacks A personal favorite and something kids really enjoy is dehydrated fruit and fruit leathers. If you don’t have a dehydrator and cannot afford one, it can be done with your oven. However, if you are able, a dehydrator is a great investment. Mine gets used for the grandkids snacks and for grandma and grandpa, as we all love our jerky! Many fruits work well for dehydrating and would include strawberries, kiwi, apples, bananas, pears, pineapple and oranges. You can find recipes and specific how to instructions on the Internet or with your dehydrator. Make your own Fruit Leathers Mixing a couple of fruits such as strawberry and kiwi or apple and pear can make great fruit leathers. It is very simple. 1. Cut up two cups of each fruit 2. Put mixture into a saucepan 3. Warm and it creates its own juice, no water necessary 4. Stir over medium heat 5-6 minutes 5. Cook until fruit breaks apart and bubbles 6. Pour mixture onto a teflex sheet on top of mesh dehydrator screen 7. Spread to 1/4 thickness and slightly thicker at edges 8. Set dehydrator @ 130 degrees and in 8-10 hours you will have fruit leather 9. Check after 4 hours, when top is firm and edges lift easily 10. Peel carefully from sheet, flip over and continue drying.
No worries, if you don't have a dehydrator you can do this in your oven. Bake in your own Oven 1. Line a cookie sheet with Silpat or parchment paper (absolutely NO wax paper) 2. Turn oven on the lowest setting, usually 150-170 degrees 3. Bake for 8-10 hours 4. Check often to make sure it's not finishing quicker. The fruit leather is done when it's evenly firm, with no visible moist spots. It should be flexible and not brittle! To store, before it's cooled, peel from the sheet and place on parchment paper, cut it into strips and tie with a string. Store in an airtight container and place in cool, dry place. I would recommend organic fruits to minimize chemical and pesticides; after all we are trying to make “healthy” snacks! 18
Make your own Fruit Dips Kids love to dip…. anything! Fruit again comes to mind and you can make great dips with good yogurt, sour cream and cream cheese. There are great recipes on the Internet not only for fruit dips but also for ranch dressings and humus, or you can buy prepared humus for convenience. (Read the labels, the fewer ingredients the better.) These are great for dipping celery, carrots, jicima, peppers, radishes, mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower etc. Again, just know that kids love to dip, even big kids enjoy this! And yes, watch for the “double dippers”! Make your own Crackers Did you know you can make crackers, which can be wheat and gluten free and taste far better than anything you’d buy in the store? And again you can get the kids involved with rolling and cutting them out. You can purchase animal shaped cookie cutters and let the kids have fun with the shapes. If you are trying to stay away from grains, there are specialty flours you can buy which include almond flour, coconut flour, flax meal etc.
(KingArthurFlour.com and nuts.com are good sources.) I have found yummy cheese cracker recipes on the Internet, which the kids love making and eating! Make your own Smoothies I mentioned shakes or smoothies before which my grandchildren enjoy. Start with a good whey protein, preferably non-denatured from New Zealand. Then you can add fruit, nut butter, greens, whatever you have on hand that the kids like. These can be made thick with lots of ice and eaten with a spoon. It’s like a dairy treat with all good ingredients. And last but not least when I make fruit salad to serve with a meal I always freeze what’s left over. When the time is right, put it in the blender with a little water and blend into a pulp, pour into Popsicle molds and freeze. The kids love their popsicles! These are just a few ideas for getting healthy snacks into kids to build up their health rather than tear it down! Use your imagination and have fun with it. Here’s to your kid’s health! Big kids and little kids!
Trudy Petersen Email:''Trudy@coachtrudypetersen.com Facebook:''www.facebook.com/trudy.petersen Facebook:''Health'&'Wealth'Coach'Trudy 19
PEACE IN TEACHING
Parents ARE Teachers Show, Ask & Teach Kids By Dr. Connie Hebert
All parents are teachers. In fact, most people don’t realize that WE are a child’s most important teachers in life because we lay the foundation for a lifetime of growth, experience, and discovery. Kids who are given daily opportunities to experience language, to build vocabulary, and to actively engage with others acquire a solid ‘bank’ of prior knowledge. This prior knowledge is similar to what we know as ‘software’ in a computer. The more prior knowledge a child has, the greater the ability to bring meaning to the written word. So what does this mean exactly? It means that as parents, we need to do everything possible to give kids a strong foundation that consists of prior knowledge, vocabulary, critical thinking, modeling, and daily opportunities to read and write. Here are some simple, inexpensive, and effective ways that you can encourage reading, writing, speaking, and listening at home:
" READ to your child. READ with your child. Let your child READ to you. " WRITE to your child. WRITE with your child. Let your child WRITE to you. " TALK about what you are thinking with your child. TALK about what you hear your child saying. Let your child TALK to you. " LISTEN to your child. Teach your child HOW to listen and follow directions. 20
Now here a few questions to ask yourself as you nurture the reader, writer, and thinker in your child:
• Does my child hold a pencil correctly
• How does my child feel about himself or
• Do I show my child what writing looks
(Pencil/pen resting on 3rd finger with thumb and pointer finger ‘pinching’ it.)
herself as a reader and writer?
like by writing to him/her daily?
• Do I read a variety of books and written
• Do we talk in the car?
materials to my child every day?
• Is my child able to discuss the cover and pictures in a book prior to reading?
• When my child reads do me, what does he/she do with words that are new or difficult?
• Is my child saying anything that his/her teacher should know (e.g., “These books are way too easy!” “I don’t like reading group…it’s boring.” “When can I read harder books?” “Why do I have to do this at night?” “I don’t get why we have to read books in class that we’re not interested in.” “Why do I have to go to that ‘other’ teacher for reading and writing every day?” “I don’t like to write . . . it’s boring and hard.”
• How does my child respond when asked questions about a story or when asked to retell a story we read together?
• Do we talk during meals? • Do I ask my child questions that require only a ‘yes or no’ answer? If so, how can I reword my questions so this doesn’t happen so often?
• Do I model good reading, writing, and thinking skills for my child every day? The most important thing to remember is we all learn by ‘doing.’ When children are exposed to environments where they can freely express themselves, share ideas through art, music, drama, and the written word, and use books to learn and grow, they become confident in their ability to READ, WRITE, and THINK independently. Are you a parent? If so, you are a teacher. Teach them well. Parent them well. Love them well. Then sit back and watch them soar!
Dr. Connie Hebert Dr. Connie is also an expert at helping parents engage with their kids at home. Her upcoming book, The Teachable Minute: The Secret to Raising Smart & Appreciative Kids, offer lots of suggestions for what to SHOW, ASK, & TEACH kids in 77 common places. www.theteachableminute.com Visit Connie at www.conniehebert.com
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PEACE IN SPECIAL
Dream Shifting Finding Inner Peace Parenting a Special Needs Child By Siobhan Wilcox
I realized my journey of wishing to be a mother began when I was five and received my first Tiny Tears Baby doll from Santa. I remember the anticipation on Christmas morning, waiting for the clock to turn seven so I could finally run down stairs and meet my new baby! My body was tingling with excitement as I ripped open the wrapping paper and there it was; my very own baby doll. Holding it in my arms, it was love at first sight. Twenty six years later, my dream that started at the age of five, came true when my first son was born. I was beside myself with excitement. Preparing for the birth with natural birthing and yoga, absorbing every book and article I could find, balancing my nutrition and taking all the right vitamins. My plan was to bring this baby into the world with natural ease and grace. Of course my best laid plans went by the way side when complications arose during the birth. My beloved angel boy was born, after almost a three day labor, with the cord wrapped around his neck,
struggling to arrive into the world. I was soon to realize that this was just the first of many moments in my life where my careful planning would be discarded. From the outset my son was ultrasensitive with numerous allergies and colic. This was just the beginning of my son’s issues as when he was almost seven we endured grueling months of testing with specialists to finally receive a multitude of diagnoses. Our son had apraxia of speech, high functioning autism, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, short term memory issues and an anxiety disorder. 23
In that moment of getting these diagnoses my world fell apart. I thought to myself, this is not the plan that I had made at the age of five and cultivated throughout my life! Would I ever watch my son graduate from college or be the doting mother of the groom? My background as a stress management consultant and a personal development trainer seemed of no significance to me. I had guided hundreds of people on their journeys as they discovered new self-care skills, found greater joy and learnt how to embrace their true magnificent and authentic selves, yet here I was lost in a sea of unknowing and emotional overwhelm. I couldn’t stop crying, and then a wise friend said to me, “You’re grieving”. I said, “Okay if it’s grief, why? What was I grieving?” Like a lightning bolt it hit me - the little red haired five year old’s ‘DREAM’ had shattered. The idyllic scene of mother and baby, that was with me since I was a child. This gave me an anchor to work with. I needed to create a new dream with new goals and expectations. I remembered the promise that I had made to my son when he was born, “I will do anything to make sure you have a magnificent life”. I started to really look inwards. What is it that I truly wanted for myself, my son and my family? I wanted for him what I had had. But maybe that wasn’t his journey. Maybe his journey was different and unique. I had tried to put upon him my “perfect” plan: go to college, get a job, and find whatever it is in your life you are most passionate about and turn that into your career...
...my plan that you find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, get married, have children, have grandchildren. My plan! I realized that this plan did not necessarily need to be my son’s plan. His journey was unique and different, he would have unique gifts to share with the world and he would have a unique way of looking at the world. He was highly intelligent, gifted with technology, funny, loving, creative and sensitive.
When the pain, that had shred through me with the shattering of my dream, lifted there was more space in my mind to create an alternative. The consternation I felt because of the gap between my picture and the reality dissipated. My stress reduced and my perceptions shifted so I could start dreaming again. I had remembered the famous quote from Wilma Rudolf, three time Olympic gold medalists: “The doctors told me I would never walk, my mother told me I would, I believed my mother”. Wilma had been a sickly crippled child who went on to break world records in the 1960’s Olympics. 24
I believe in miracles! I have spoken to many amazing parents whose children where labeled as unteachable or unreachable and yet went on to become authors, poets and even scholars. In particular Lyrica Mia stands out. As a child Lyrica was unable to communicate with those around her. She seemed trapped in her autistic world. Now Lyrica Mia is an author and spiritual teacher. Using assisted technology, she amazes others with her insights and wisdom.
Equally special is Charlie Fenimore who has not let his down syndrome stop him from achieving magnificence. He calls himself an Earth Angel, writes poetry and was recently ordained a spiritual peacemaker by author and musician James Twyman. Developing awareness around my dream was such a gift.
It reduced the emotional triggers that would stimulate me into heightened stress or unnecessary overwhelm. I realized that it was not my job to create my son’s plan but his own. Yes - I was there to support him, nurture him, guide and encourage him but not impose my unconscious plans onto him. My emotional reactions just dissipated. I could look at them and say, “Oh, look there goes that trigger again! I must be thinking about my old plan. Shred that plan.” Of course, schooling is such an overwhelming focus for our children’s early years. Now I am not saying that I do not believe that my son cannot get an ‘A’ in his studies however how and what he achieves academically is not my primary focus. Nurturing him to have a fulfilled life that is aligned with his divine mission and the gifts that he is here to share with the world is now my intention. Not running my agenda for him. So I would invite you to reflect on your own ‘plan’. Uncovering it can help reduce the emotional triggers in your life, reduce your stress levels and allow you to reframe your life – dream shifting to a place that is truly aligned with you and your family.
Siobhan Wilcox Author, speaker and trainer, with over 16 years’ experience of passionately guiding her clients to create more balanced and fulfilled lives. Visit her at http://www.SiobhanWilcox.com and http://www.AutismExpertsAlliance.com
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PEACE OF MIND
Stress Relief for Working Mothers By Jackie Foskett
Today, especially in the United States, most women with children are "working moms" who have either full or part time jobs, or own their own businesses, in addition to their full time jobs on the home front. Studies show, even though there may be a fair amount of help from "dad", the "mom" is still the main manager of keeping the family unit functioning with all its detailed operations. This requires a tremendous amount of physical, mental and emotional energy, which can drive even the most well intended mom bonkers. Articles abound in women's magazines, for these notoriously busy women, on how to "balance" it all out, indicating how really big this problem is. Yet, in spite of all this information, women are still feeling like they are ready to go bonkers and wondering why it has to be that way. This is an issue causing lots of stress for working moms, and is a common theme many of my women clients seek hypnotherapy, because
they want more balance in their lives, to feel good about themselves and get relief from the stress of being a working mom. They are ready for a "make-over" and have real balance, instead of being on the brink of tipping over. Do you need of a "make-over" in your balancing act? Tips to get started on your "make-over� for a balanced life. Get relief and find some inner peace! 26
Did you answer “Yes” to any of these questions? •! •!
Feeling overwhelmed with so much to do? Finding yourself unproductive at work or at home?
•! •!
Feeling guilty because you take time away from your family to work? Consistently saying "there isn't enough time"?
•! •!
Having tension and/or pain in your neck and shoulders? Feeling inadequate with thoughts such as "why can't I do it all?"
•!
Feeling resentful of not having alone time?
•! •!
Missing your "women" get-together times? Always tired?
•! •!
Too tired to get any activity in? Wondering "is this it"?
Take care of yourself
Stay Connected
You have to start here. Yes, you are very busy and if you don't take care of yourself first, you will not have the energy and focus required to be your best for your work and your children. Take as good care of yourself as you would your children: get plenty of sleep, eat healthy, and get in some activity. Activity releases stress easily and so does fun, so combine the two, maybe even with children. Do something active and fun and you'll feel so much better.
Staying connected to your children is as vital as setting healthy boundaries. Staying strongly connected to your children keeps the stress levels down, as it feels good emotionally for moms, kids and partners alike. For example, instead of running in from work to immediately start cooking dinner, take time to stop, talk to your children, and find out how their day was. It will provide a break from rushing about and give everyone a chance to connect to one another. Doesn't that feel better?
Set healthy boundaries The desire to do their best in their many roles as mother, worker and partner, can leave many women feeling they can never say no. This is exhausting and dilutes the engagement and enjoyment of all of these roles. Instead, create healthy boundaries. Exercise the "NO" muscle to requests that aren't vital to your family and success. Say "YES" only to those things that are in alignment with self care, family and work priorities.
Focus on Stress Relief Working moms need to be proactive in managing their stresses. They need a toolbox of stress relief methods to quickly access, as well as ones to use consistently and build up, what I call, the "calm fund". Whether it's for a child's meltdown or a disagreeable co-worker, having and using stress relievers regularly will condition the mind and body to respond in more healthy ways.
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Quick stress relievers: •! Use your breath. Take 2-3 deep breaths. This allows to release tension quickly and to rise above the knee jerk reactive mode. •! Reframe the situation. Find another way of thinking about it that feels better. Use the breath first, then ascend the thought ladder, working up to better and better thoughts. •! Move your body. Stretch or walk away for a few minutes when appropriate. Walk at lunchtime to release the negative conversations jumping around in your head. Long term stress relievers to invest in your inner calm reserve: •! Do a daily mediation or self hypnosis practice. •! Exercise regularly. •! Keep a gratitude journal. This allows you to be present to what is great and positive in your life! •! Keep a success journal. Focus on your successes really feels good! •! Get regular massages.
Jackie Foskett Jackie Foskett, Stress Relief Specialist, owner of Healing Hypnotherapy, guides her clients in using their powerful minds to release their stress and connect back to their joy and and happiness. 425-227-8210 http://www.HealingHypnotherapy.com JackieFoskett@comcast.net
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PEACE IN WRITING
Journaling Your Way to Parenting with Peace & Presence By Lynda Monk, MSW, RSW, CPCC, Mother of 2
A short time ago, I had just finished reading stories and tucking my little guys in for the night (Jackson, age 7, and Jesse, age 5). I said to Jesse, "Thank you for being my son." He said, "You're welcome." There was a long silence. He then said, "I dreamed of having a Mommy like you and I got it." I lay quietly beside him on his bottom bunk bed while he drifted off to sleep. My heart filled with complete joy and gratitude, for the moment and for the gift of being his mother. As all parents know, there are moments filled with pure joy and there are also moments that can leave us feeling like running away from home! Parenting is not for the weak of heart. It is a job, that in order to be done well, requires our self-awareness, compassion, kindness, patience, understanding, love and presence. Inner peace parenting can feel like an oxymoron or a good idea on paper, especially if we are standing in the deep end of fatigue, tantrums, hungry kids with nothing ready for dinner yet,
a sibling squabble that is about to go sideways, the phone ringing, someone at the door, a demanding career nipping at our ankles, the wet laundry still in the machine from two days ago, a friend who is upset that we missed her birthday, and lunch bags waiting to be rinsed for the next day – inner peace can feel like it belongs to someone else, anyone else, but you or me. The truth is that inner peace isn’t something we go after when all the toys are put away, the kids are in bed and the laundry is changed over. Peace is a way of being. Inner peace is, well, inner. It is already within us, we don’t have to search for it or go after it...
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we simply have to allow inner peace some space to rise up from within. You don’t have to go to a mountain top or attend a month long silent retreat to replenish within (although those things might be nice!), rather we have to find ways to cultivate solitude, stillness and silence (and help our children to experience these things too) in the midst of the ordinary moments of daily life in order to renew in mind, body, heart and spirit. Journaling helps you access these healing qualities of solitude, stillness and silence, even briefly in the midst of it all, so that you can hear your own thinking and nourish your soul as a parent. Journaling is my favourite way to easily and quickly tap into my feelings of inner peace while juggling the many elements of my life – being a wife, a mother, a daughter to aging parents, an entrepreneur with two businesses etc. Journaling helps me find my way home within myself and it allows me to be more fully present in the moment, which brings feelings of calm and manageability even in the most overwhelming situations. I simply take a deep breath in and exhale, grab my journal and take five minutes (or more on a good day) to get grounded and centered. For me, journaling is like meditating with a pen in my hand. I can hear the sound of my own life being lived. I hear the sound of my .05 mm Pilot pen against the white, unlined 20 pound paper in my 8.5 by 11 inch, unlined, spiral bound journal.
I can hear the sound of my breath. I can hear the sound of this one moment and the next. This mindfulness and awareness supports me and helps me open the door to inner peace within. If I don’t have time to write in my journal, I know that is the perfect time for the five minute journal entry. Or two minutes, if that is all the time I can steal between running my son’s bath and putting the dishes in the dishwasher. “Sometimes one doesn’t have time to write. In fact most of the time we don’t have time to write. Most of the time we do not have time to be with ourselves. And when that happens, it is time for the five-minute journal entry.” B.N. Holzer, Author of A Walk Between Heaven and Earth, A Personal Journal on Writing and the Creative Process Research shows that you do not have to write for a long time to experience the healing benefits of expressive writing (writing about your thoughts and feelings).
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Here are six soulful journaling exercises for your own inner peace journey on the page 1.#Connect with your strengths Journal for ten minutes about all of your strengths as a parent. Notice how it feels to write about all you are doing well, about the gifts and strengths you bring to your family and to being a parent. If you get stuck, simply start the next sentence in your journal with the following: One of my strengths as a parent is ______ (fill in the blank).
4. Capture the ordinary moments It can be fun to create a family journal where you write down your highs and lows from the day. We do a round of sharing our highs and lows at most dinner time meals. We all love it and it is a way to hear about each other’s days. Sometimes I write down what everyone shared as a way to capture the ordinary moments of daily life, as little sound bites to share as memories someday when we might be looking back. The boys love telling me what to write in “our” journal! Journaling can be a family experience.
2. Experience joy Pick 5 recent moments, as a parent, that brought you joy. Write them down. Then pick one of these moments and describe it in as much detail as you can. Notice what it feels like to write about your joy. How can you create more joyful moments in your life, in your family? 3. Shift perspective
5. Process difficult emotions
Think of a parenting challenge you might be having at the moment and write about it from the perspective of your child. For example, my 7 year-old-son, Jackson was recently having a hard time because one of his closest friends was moving away and starting a new school. I wrote in my journal from the perspective of being a 7 year-old boy losing my best friend. This helped me access feelings of empathy for Jackson and support him wholeheartedly with this loss and transition in his life.
Your journal is also a place to sort out challenges, make difficult decisions and express painful emotions. A journal can offer you healing, renewal and catharsis. By getting your feelings down on paper it can serve as an emotional purging or release which is a lot healthier than bottling up stressful feelings inside. When we can release, let go and/or process difficult emotions this clears the way for us to be more present, mindful and happier as parents and as human beings. 32
6. Express your gratitude What we focus on grows. Your journal can be a powerful place to manifest more of what you want in your life, by giving thanks, often, for what you already have. You can simply list 3-5 things you are grateful for from your day. For example, today I am grateful for…the sunshine, taking the boys to ride their bikes at the school, my husband making us a yummy dinner, a spontaneous conversation with my friend, and a phone call with my Mom (hearing that she and my Dad had a good day is always special given my Dad’s decline with Alzheimer’s disease). I am also grateful for having the opportunity to write this article for you. Journaling is a creative act. Let your imagination, your needs and your heart lead the way. Anything you write is right!
Try it yourself Relax. Write. Reflect. Renew. Journaling can help you feel clear and calm in the midst of it all. Self-care and personal renewal are among the best gifts we can give to our children. We teach them the importance of selfcare, by showing them how we care for ourselves, while we also care for them. We teach them about inner peace by being peaceful. We teach our children they are worthy, in part, by remembering our own worth. Journaling helps you remember that you are enough. Journaling is a self-caring act. May you experience the healing and transformational power of writing for yourself so that you can enjoy the heart and soul of inner peace parenting. You deserve it!
Lynda Monk Lynda Monk, MSW, RSW, CPCC is a Writing for Wellness Coach + Speaker serving the personal growth, self-care and inspiration needs of people who make a difference. http://creativewellnessworks.com 33
PEACE WITH ADHD
Jekyll and Hyde Parenting Parenting a Child with ADHD By Laurie Dupar
Diagnosed at age seven, my now 20-yearold son with ADHD, has put to the test nearly every parenting trick or book ever published. In attempts to maintain my sanity and perhaps one step ahead, I have researched and tried out numerous methods, techniques, and expert advice on parenting. I was always hopeful that in the next book I read, a new resource found, I would discover the magic tool that would finally minimize the inconsistencies and characteristic highs and lows of life with ADHD. I couldn’t understand why no one technique seemed to be consistently effective. What I discovered on my own I have never seen printed in a book or mentioned at a seminar. It is basically my personal attempt to keep my wits about me as I tackle the day to day challenges of living with ADHD. When I am asked “What works?” from other parents with an ADHD child, I can finally describe to them what seems to be the clearest explanation of what has helped me through the rough spots.
I call it Jekyll and Hyde Parenting. We all know about the archetypal fictional character, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the man who changed from being a generous loving doctor, into an entirely alternative personality. Well, it didn’t take much for me to see the similarities between this fictional character and how I often feel parenting my son. Living with ADHD means unpredictable ups and downs for parents and children. The story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde described how my days can be spent. 34
I never really know what is going to happen next…whether I will need to generously praise my son’s behavior (Dr. Jekyll) or be able to come up with creative on the spot natural consequence for his actions (Mr. Hyde). How, as parents, do we balance the frustration and joy that our ADHD children bring us? How do we manage to maintain our own sense of sanity in the midst of the chaos and daily confusion? For the most part, I know that by being a loving, exceptionally optimistic and supportive mom works miracles for my son and his challenges. But, as other parents of an ADHD child can attest, the need for firm limit-setting, in control parenting is also essential as part of our repertoire. Sometimes for the same situation! For myself, I have found that holding the image of the characters, Jekyll and Hyde in my mind, has allowed me to gain a new perspective on parenting my son. Adding this somewhat wacky tool to my “bag of tricks” has helped me to separate myself from some otherwise crazy making situations.
Just as quickly as Hyde turned to Jekyll and back again, I find I can react to my son’s parenting needs appropriately. Just as quickly as Hyde turned to Jekyll and back again, I find I can react to my son’s parenting needs appropriately. As I let myself change with the ups and melt-downs, inconsistencies and unpredictable changes of my son’s mood and behavior, I am able to react more appropriately to what is needed in each situation. I have discovered that parenting a child with ADHD takes at least ONE creative parent …THREE if you count Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Laurie Dupar Laurie Dupar, Senior Certified ADHD Coach and trained Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, specializes in working with clients who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. For more information, please visit http://www.coachingforadhd.com. 35
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