February Love Challenges 2014 by Diana Dentinger

The 7 Biggest Challenges to True Love February 2014, Issue 17

Making Love

Last a Lifetime In Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Often Busy and Broken Families How to Put the Pieces Back Together to Live the Love You all Desire

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February 2014, Issue 17

CONTENTS

Making Love Last a Lifetime Editor’s Note By Diana Dentinger

page # 5

Soul Searching True Love is Connecting on both the Physical and the Spiritual Planes

page # 6

Personality Plays a Part Will it be Drama or Comedy

page # 8

Emotion and Sentiment It is Usually Something More Like “Resentment”

page # 10

The First Challenge Release Your “Re-senti-ments”

page # 12

The Second Challenge Fulfill Your Needs & Use Your Talents

page # 14

February 2014, Issue 17

CONTENTS

The Third Challenge Nourish Acceptance for One Another’s “Re-senti-ments”

page # 16

The Fourth Challenge Recognize & Support One Another’s Talents

page # 17

The Fifth Challenge Appreciate Commonalities and Differences

page # 18

The Sixth Challenge Allow the Pace of Growth of Each Individual

page # 19

The Seventh Challenge Look Within Yourself for Soul-utions

page # 20

Bridge the Communication Gap Constructing Conscious Communication By Diana Dentinger

page # 21 4

FROM THE EDITOR

Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your loved ones! “In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” Eva Burrows Do you know how many song titles have the word “love” in them? Who knows the world over but in English alone there are tons and tons! I grew up in the 1960’s -70’s and I remember both the titles and probably even all the words to all these songs: I just called to say I love you The power of love Saving all my love for you I just can’t stop loving you All you need is love Stop! In the name of love Feel like makin’ love How deep is your love Addicted to love I will always love you Young love Puppy love Sugar baby love.....

February 2014, Issue 17

FEEDBACK Your feedback is welcome. This is your magazine too. Let us know what would help you find inner peace in parenting your children. Contact Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Magazine Privacy Policy Copyright 2012 Diana Dentinger Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Sviluppo CCT sas - Italy All rights reserved under the International and Pan American Copyright Conventions. Reproduction in whole or part is prohibited without written permission from the publisher. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the unsolicited materials.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY Diana Dentinger, Editor Inner Peace Parenting Magazine

With so many songs reminding us of how important love is, of how wonderful the feeling of being in love is, of how it is the only thing we need... then “where did all the love go”? Or rather, how can we actually live a kind of love that brings greater happiness to our lives, So many adults and children live with divorce, arguing and separation in today’s modern families. Again: “Where is the love?” This issue is a preview of an upcoming kindle book on “Making Love Last” and how to prevent the broken hearts. 5

PEACE IN SOULS

Soul Searching True Love is Connecting on both the Physical and the Spiritual Planes

What is the Soul and how does it fit in with Making Love Last a Lifetime? The Soul is the Meeting Point between your body on in this physical earthly plane and your spirit on a higher universal plane. If you are here reading this magazine I am sure you share the same idea that we exist on these different planes ALL at the same time. We are not just a body. Your Soul is the link because it is the home to three vital life sustaining things: Your Will, Emotions and Intellect. The Soul of a woman usually lives more in her emotions. Her emotions connect her to her spirit. That is why more women tend to be interested in spirituality. It is more natural for a woman be “emotional”. Emotions are the “invisible chord” that connect her to a higher plane. A woman’s soul IS emotion-spirit. Women value being with other souls and often it is easier for them to feel a deeper soul connection with other women.

Since the beginning of time women have formed groups and congregated with other women for support and growth. Women feel safe and protected in a group, especially when it is one that nourishes their emotions and spirit. Together they meet the need of belonging. Often men tell women not to be so emotional. Being in the emotions of anxiety, fear, worry, doubt, guilt or frustration do disconnect a woman from her soul. While the emotions of joy, enthusiasm, compassion and peace fill a woman with soul connection. Instead the Soul of a man usually lives more in his intellect. His intellect connects him to his body. That’s why most men are more carnal, practical and rational beings. A man’s soul IS body - mind. For many years men were not “allowed” to be emotional, because their soul power is in their “knowing” and their “strength”. Most men value individuality and self realization as their priority and needs.

You already feel how men and women are wired differently! No question about it. Each sex has their own way of solving problems and facing reality. From this perspective, men and women are not very compatible. They are complementary. Isn’t it funny how more men have been interested in spirituality since other men have written books about Emotional Intelligence... get it? Tell a Man he is more intelligent and he will do anything... even be more emotional! (just a loving observation here)

So, to make it as clear as possible: a woman is naturally spiritual; a man is spiritual too, but only when he displays his emotions. For example when a man shares from his heart what he really feels for his woman or children, is moved by a sunset, listens to his favorite music or loves his job then he is spiritual. But men don’t always feel “safe” externalizing emotion. Still men are naturally physical and enjoy physical pleasure, let’s say both indoor and outdoor sports. On a serious note, the uniting of man and woman is a completion of their spirituality. When making love a woman stays spiritually connected because she is in her physical sensations, meaning in her body that houses her soul.

A man instead accesses the spirit through the soul emotions transferred to him by a woman. For a woman the spiritual connection with her body is so important because the body is always wise. Her own body tells her the truth about what she is feeling, both through her non verbal communication cues and symptoms that reflect her blocked emotions. I included this bit here, because after coaching and leading personal growth seminars, I’ve met some women who like to soar high in the spiritual realm but lose contact with their physical experience. I have found others who have a poor relationship with their bodies, some who have lived sexual abuse or had secret abortions, and others who use spirituality as an escape from their relationship disasters. There is a “purer” spirituality that can be experienced. Often the biggest challenge for modern day women is trusting in and maintaining an intimate relationship with a man. Often the biggest challenge for modern day men is to understand the power of the emotions of a woman who can sense things he might never say. Men and Women will continue to unite because of body chemistry. It’s natures way of keeping our species alive. Best if done on a soul level.

PEACE IN PERSONA

Personality Plays a Part Will It Be Drama or Comedy

So when you are just NOT getting along with a loved one, where is the difficulty?

One person could have a need to be alone while the other one a need for company so these apparently “opposing” needs create a problem. There is a fine line between fulfilling your your own needs and being “needy”. It is hard to build a long lasting relationship with someone who is needy.

Not getting along is playing a power game in which it is either your will or their will!

There is no right or wrong need. They just are so it is best to have a dialogue based on needs and not will or emotions.

Or maybe, as you read in the previous chapter, the woman is seeing a situation from an emotional side and the man from an intellectual perspective.

What I have learned is that none of the above are the real reason for not getting along. We forget that your subconscious programming is really at the root of it all deciding for you. And it plays a very automatic game in which you often don’t have time to decide.

As we said in the last chapter, your Soul is the home of your will, your emotions and your intellect. In addition, your Soul houses your self consciousness and your personality.

Not getting along is an “imbalance” in the way you are both facing a situation. What about how you act? Needs are what drive behavior so each person must understand their own needs, connect to them and act coherently. Needs are specific and unique to each person. They are so unique that no person can really understand another. Not getting along is not understanding your needs and those of the other person.

Not getting along is also a difference and conflict of personalities. Over the past 20 years I have researched and studied many behavior models combined with therapeutic work and spirituality. Having a model to understand personality is so vital to deeply getting along, living happily and connecting on a soul level with loved ones.

So, you can have a strong will to change or improve, but often your subconscious programming overrides everything unless you have profound tools to understand yourself! That’s why we have such a hard time changing, enjoying lasting change, evolving spiritually and solving conflicts. It’s because we don’t have precise enough tool to call the game for what it is... an unconscious program. In my individual and group coaching sessions, I use a formula that describes your predictable personality traits, needs, emotions and thoughts. It comes from intense studies I have done with French and German therapists in the field of neuroscience. I am the only one in the English speaking world that uses these tools. They give you exact information about your subconscious programming and how to use it to reach physical and spiritual fulfillment, which positively impacts your ability to make love last in a relationship with a partner and to make the love last with your dearest family members and friends.

Reflect on these questions Are you all getting along right now? What is the main reason you are or aren’t? What is it that you really desire? What are the things the others desire? Are you capable of fulfilling yours? What are the things that are keeping you from fulfilling it? What could happen if it comes true? What do you need to learn or do to make it come true?

PEACE IN FEELING

Emotion and Sentiment It is Usually Something More like “Resentment”

Being that you are on a Peace & Love Spiritual path, you are wanting to evolve your emotions, deepen your intuition, intensify your presence, and awaken to new consciousness on all planes of existence. This is not always easy because daily life offers you struggle, turmoil and conflict, that get your emotions in a tail spin, often taking over your controls. The word “emotion” is used and confused very much. Here are other words and examples that so you understand better which emotions you are living. Outer emotions: laughing, crying. Inner emotions: fear, anger, sadness. Sentiments: love, hate. Re-senti-ments: devalued, misunderstood, not enough, lost, bitter, dirty, separated. Often what could be keeping you from getting along or fulfilling your desires is that you are living “re-senti-ment”. The word resentment simply means to “feel again”. It means that you felt this way before so it could be a “program”.

Making love last is even understanding and feeling the difference between what is a “first time” emotion in a situation or just “old baggage”. From my studies, we mostly live in a state of “re-senti-ment” since what is going on inside you on a deeper sentimental and emotional level really is repeat stuff. You feel something inside (sentire), over and over again (re), that is not allowing you to see the truth (mente) of a situation in the present. Either you are overly emotional or you shut off your emotions in a rational way so you don’t feel bad.

We all carry “emotional memory” from the past that stays there in our unconscious mind and gets triggered over and over again by different faces, different places until we make it conscious. Just as we inherit our physical looks and appearance from our parents, we even get our predictable emotional stuff. Let’s say it’s your “survival” technique. Our human survival is in our middle brain that houses our genealogical “re-senti-ments”. Everything we feel emotionally inside us is really just a “re-run” or “re-play” of what our parents and ancestors lived as an emotional conflict before us.

This is scientifically proven to be present in our cells. So in life, when we don’t get along, we are often giving in to play out their emotions and subconsciously attracting situations that trigger them so we are always “right”. Let’s say you have a “re-senti-ment” of delusions and repeat to yourself: “I can only count on myself”. You will attract then situations and people that do not meet your expectations. This leaves you doing things on your own. It is what they call the self fulfilling prophesy. But you didn’t really chose it.

Here you need more will to step into the place of deciding what and what not to put into your relationships. We are rarely in the present in our emotional state since we are always in a negative or a positive “re-senti-ment”. Just to clarify, it is NEVER the external event, situation or person that causes you to live emotional conflict. They provoke what you already have inside. You must live the “re-senti-ment” in order to solve it to be able to evolve spiritually. To evolve relationships you need to assume the responsibility of your feelings and thoughts. How you describe a situation is more often a description of your re-senti-ment, than the actual facts. Using generic emotions or being unaware of what you are feeling does not connect you to your higher self nor help you connect deeply to loved ones.

PEACE IN RELEASE

The First Challenge Release Your “Re-senti-ments”

If you have decided you want to get along, and make the love last, then you want to be your best self in your loving relationships. There is no reason therefore to hold on to old baggage. Your first challenge is to free yourself from your “re-senti-ments”. They can be with your partner, your family, your work, or the world. Holding on to these makes you overly “emotional” and susceptible to misunderstandings. In coaching, I use a formula made of archetypes. I number them from 1 to 22. These are symbolic representations that speak to your subconscious so you can overcome the programming and start running your own show! Each of the archetype numbers describe some predictable behavior that you adopt, without really knowing why. Let’s just say again that you inherit this “reaction” or perspective from both what you have seen in life and what you have not seen. You could model your parents behavior and how they solved problems, or even just have it programmed in you.

Your role is not to repeat them, but rather reinvent or create better ways of solving problems based on your talents (next chapter). The best way to live in the moment and feel great! For things to be different on the outside, you simply need to heal on the inside. Evolving the feelings does not mean not feeling pain or sadness anymore. You will always continue to be moved by life, but you realize that they are subjectively yours. You are not ashamed of how you feel, nor blame others for it. When living a soul connection you want to feel the intense beauty in every experience. You live life compassionately and openly.

First Challenge Exercise Get a piece of paper and pen to write down your answers. Chose a situation in which you are sure you are living a “ri-senti-ment”. - Write out that situation as if you are explaining it to a friend. What is going on? What are the FACTS? - What feelings are you living? Chose the deepest emotional words you can, maybe even from the list on the right. What did the situation provoke in you? - What were the consequences of you feeling this way? What were the FACTUAL things that happened as a result of your feelings? - Write a phrase to the other person involved that says you assume the responsability of your feelings and actions. And that it is important for you to be able to move on by releasing this event. They are not responsable* for how they made you feel. *Surely the other person is responsable for their actions and words. Seek advice or professional counselling for abuse issues.

It could take up to a week to write out. Live it and feel it to release it. It is enough to read it to yourself. If you need help with this work contact me especially if you feel compelled to read it to the other person involved. This exercise is about changing inside, not the other person.

Number

Description of “Re-senti-ment”

paralyzed, panicky, anxious

cold blooded, cold hearted, severe

closed, used, silenced

powerless, defensive, limited

separated, manipulated, not seen

confused, jealous, avid, glooomy

lost, indecisive, uncapable

guilty, ashamed, wronged

lonely, troubled, in crisis

blocked, immobile, nervous

controlled, impulsive, violent

not accepted, non existent, sacrificed

hateful, destructive, under valued

dependent, disconnected, attached

egoistic, enslaved, unpleased

inexpressive, explosive, locked up

lied to, attacked, without integrity

obsessed, superstitious, superficial

alone, disassociated, “put out”

unapproved of, unauthorized, judged

closed in, suffocated, conditioned

chaotic, foolish, crazy

PEACE IN NEEDS

The Second Challenge Fulfill Your Needs & Use Your Talents

Too often we expect others to make us happy and make us feel fulfilled. Feel your needs, acknowledge your talents and activate yourself to apply them in every area of your life. This way you are a whole person, not just someone else’s “other half”. No one can understand how important your traits, talents and needs are to you. They can mentally imagine “what it is like” for you to be you, but they cannot feel the same power from within. Fully own your Soul’s emotional personality and desire to be better. When you feel something has meaning for you, then you can communicate that lovingly to those around you... especially since you have overcome the first challenge. They don’t need to understand, they just need to feel your happiness and satisfaction. There is an important biological law to remember: No emotion = No life. Your brain needs the chemical reactions that emotions set off. You are run by your brain and it needs these for survival.

There are so many physical benefits when you feed your brain emotions, especially those of love and joy. You look and feel better! Knowing how to make yourself happy means living a healthier life. The brain also needs to “replace” emotions. When the source of an emotion is gone, our brain needs to replaces is with another one. Consciously chose the emotions you prefer to feel! You can do that first by releasing the automatic “resenti-ments” and then by doing things that make you feel happy and joyful. Remember something about your thoughts, not just your emotions. Most thoughts justify actions and are often your “re-senti-ments”. For example when you think you need to hurry so you don’t leave late, it is because you “re-feel” that you are late and therefore you move faster. When you speak your thoughts, you are only justifying your beliefs. You have beliefs about being late. You are not these beliefs! So get out of your head, stop thinking so hard and get into feeling and doing! When you are hesitant about doing, ask yourself... Why Not? And just do it!

Second Challenge Exercise Get a piece of paper and pen to write. Or even get out some markers or colored pencils to draw with. - Read through the traits on the right. - Chose 10 words that deeply move you and describe your personality. - Write out your personal description: Who are you as the combination of these positive traits? What are you doing when you are these? Who are you with when you are these? Where are you when you are these? What else are you feeling? - Paint a mental picture of this scene or better yet, draw it out on paper. Take a week to complete this by adding on more and more details everyday. Then put this in a special place for you to see daily to remind you of your immense amazingness! When you love yourself, it is easier to love others!

Number

Description of Traits & Needs

innovative, inventive, playful

knowledgeable, mysterious, hospitable

creative, communicative, feminine

protective, supportive, confident

gracious, ethical, conscientious

pleasant, enthusiastic, artistic

ambitious driven, active

balanced, honest, lawful

wise, analytical, introspective

dynamic, evolutionary, moving

mastered, humble, strong

giving, caring, adaptable

radical, transformational, revolutionary

affectionate, social, connected

passionate, creative, focused

joyful, expressive, bubbly

authentic, generous, sacred

intuitive, sensitive, profound

constructive, cordial, brilliant

inspired, dreamy, called

free, realized, loving unconditionally

original, envisioning, unique

PEACE IN ACCEPTANCE

The Third Challenge Nourish Acceptance for One Another’s Resentments

The third challenge you face is being free from judging another person’s “re-senti-ment”. Get a piece of paper and imagine what your loved one would write, about a situation that created “re-senti-ment” for him or her. Often in your relationship with a significant other you just don’t take the time to put yourself in their shoes. More so while raising young kids passing through the temper tantrum phase or older ones in the terrible tween-teen years. Use the same questions as on the Exercise page of the First Challenge. Invite your loved ones to do the same exercise using the same questions. Remember, you can do this just to reflect on how the other person feels. Love does not grow when there is judgement. This means it does not grow if there is no acceptance. You do not have to share your answers with the other person. - It is enough that you both become aware of how the other is triggered.

- It is enough that you both become more responsible for how you emotionally feel in those often “predictable” stress situations. - It is enough that you realize you unwillingly and automatically “set off” the other person. - It is enough that you are aware of the undesired consequences you have lived by your and their less beneficial behaviors. Remember: We meet people for the purpose of being “set off” and triggered so we can evolve by solving our inner conflict and respond in a more conscious manner. Don’t take other people’s reactions and “re-senti-ments” too personally. They are programmed too and until they want to discover how they are “programmed” and the disadvantages of their stress reactions, they are not open yet to changing them. And for sure, they won’t change just because you want them too.

PEACE IN SUPPORT

The Fourth Challenge Recognize & Support One Another’s Talents

It isn’t easy when “the magic wears off” in any relationship. Usually when it happens, the only thing you are able to see in the other person is their faults.

Can you emphasize the good personality traits in the other person, their positive emotions, their interesting thoughts so you feel that deeper soul connection?

This is why it is so important to move past the first three challenges so you can get to “where love really makes magic”.

Go back now and read through the list of traits on the Second Challenge Exercise page.

When you can unconditionally accept yourself for your strengths and weaknesses, then chose to grow and improve... you are able to unconditionally do the same with those around you.

Think of your loved ones and those dear to you with whom you wish to make the love last a lifetime.

You start to relax and notice where they are in facing their difficulties, and you decide to focus on seeing their magnificence. This is when they too can finally bloom and grow. So the fourth challenge you face is supporting another person in their uniqueness and needs. This is especially important if they are different than yours and you don’t understand them. Maybe you are tired of not getting along or of playing tug of war over certain issues, well this challenge is for you.

For them too, chose about 10 words that you feel inspire them deeply. Write down those words and answer similar questions: - Who are they being with the total combination of these traits and talents? - What are they doing whey they are expressing these talents? - Who are they with? - Where are they? - What lse are they feeling? Put this list in a special place to remind you of the reasons you love them ... and get ready for the next challenge!

PEACE IN APPRECIATE

The Fifth Challenge Appreciate Commonalities and Differences

Relationships are easier when people are similar. Would you really want everyone to be the same though? There is a part of you run by your “animal brain” that would be more relaxed if we were all the same. You would feel a lot less threatened but it sure would be pretty monotonous living. As a Soul seeker, your fifth challenge is to appreciate in others your common values, similar ways and same interests. This means to verbally formulate lots of wonderful compliments! These are not just by saying banal things like: “You are so nice.” Rather to find more meaningful compliments based on their traits and talents! But also being able to appreciate in others your differences, the totally opposite ways of doing things and your conflicting interests. Imagine every person in your life being a Work of Art. Do you want to be the constant art critic who is never satisfied

with who they are or what they do? In school we take Art Appreciation classes, but in real life we rarely apply the lessons to humans. The first step is to recognize their positive personality traits. Then to feel in your heart that they are wonderful. Then to feel how important they are for you. And then finally to say something that warms their heart. Couples come together primarily because their positive traits attract each other, both on a physical and personality plane. Over time though they tend to see those same traits as negative, either because the chemical love has willowed or because the enthusiasm has died. Don’t be stingy in this challenge! If someone has a strong personality, or is quiet and reflexive, make a compliment about that. Here you will need to amp up your vocabulary so you use words that really move the other person. Being on a spiritual path is feeling love and giving beyond yourself.

PEACE IN GROWTH

The Sixth Challenge Allow the Pace of Growth of Each Individual

Use time to enjoy life, not to measure who is further along in a growth process. No one knows the challenges, the distance, the time that another human being has taken to come along in overcoming automatic “re-senti-ments” or expressing inner talents fully. We are all great Works of Art and even great Works in Progress. But as tiresome as it can be... the work is never done. You will solve “re-senti-ments” on one level now but then they will re-appear again. If you have evolved to a higher level of personal awareness, then you can face them with greater inner resources. Take all this evolution, change and spirituality with a light heart and soul! It is not a race. It is about being in the now and doing your best to release the worst part of your personality and get on with the best part. It is about being with others and getting along with others. It’s about making the love last, whether it be with a spouse, significant other, child, sibling, relative or friend.

It is only by being in the game of life and playing with other players that you get better at the game of solving conflicts and evolving. Isolating yourself or closing yourself off to life experiences only slows the process... but sometimes you need a rest. Decide your timing. I think meditation has it’s place as a daily practice to quiet your mind so you don’t over think situations or make a bigger deal out of your “re-senti-ments”. We all have things to solve in this life experience. Real practice though comes by getting into real life situations that challenge you to move beyond your “re-senti-ments” . It is in these moments that you discover how to express your inner talents, maintain self love, and trust in those around you to support you along the way. This sixth challenge is all about not comparing your personal growth path to that of your loved ones, nor to expect them to share your same path. To each his own... especially time!

PEACE INSIDE

The Seventh Challenge Look within Yourself for Your Soul-utions

You have everything you need right inside of you! For as much as this phrase seems overused, it so true. When you put the attention outside of yourself and compare your talents or needs to those of other people, you lose your connection to yourself. To make love last you must make self love last first. You are a unique individual. You are here for a specific purpose. Live your talents, needs and the total range of your emotions with love. Live them for your own personal and spiritual growth. And remember that it is in contributing to the people and the world beyond yourself that is important. We cannot be anything and everything. We must be who you are and take on the higher expression of our potential. These are the resources you have inside that your soul yearning to express. Stress is when that yearning is not put in action.

Reconnect with the traits in the Second Challenge Exercises and go deeper on the meaning of each of each word. If you are female, then feel what it is like to be these with all your emotions. Be still and feel. If you are male, then think about you doing them with your intellect. Be still and focus only on your traits. If you feel coaching can get you to a higher level of awareness and love, reach out to me at: contact@dianadentinger.com

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