Inner Peace Parenting July August 2014

World Parenting Conference Dublin, Ireland September 14 - 16, 2014 July - August 2014, Issue 21

A S CHOOL P ORTRAIT

Change Focus Entertainment

NUTRITIOUS DIGITAL LEARN TOGETHER

Becoming Us Focus on Desires

Unlimited Energy

INDIVIDUAL EDUCATION

FIND HAPPINESS

Your Child’s Soul

Mother the Mother

KNOWLEDGE IS YOURS

Getting the Yes

NOURISH THE INNER PART

MOMS SAY YES TO YOURSELF

Needs Quiz GET POSTPARTUM SUPPORT

THE KEY TO TRUE HARMONY

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July-August 2014, Issue 21

CONTENTS

The Key to True Harmony For a Happy & Understanding Family page # 8

By Diana Dentinger

World Parenting Conference Dublin, Ireland - September 14 - 16, 2014

page # 6

By LinkedIn Group Parenting 2.0 Marlaine Cover

Unlimited Energy for Moms Say YES

page # 11

By Blanca Vergara

Mothering the Mother Collaboration for Postpartum Support

page # 13

By Diane S. Speier, PhD

It’s Quiz Time What is at the Root of Your Happiness

page # 15

By Diana Dentinger

Your Child’s Soul is Showing How to Nourish their Inner Workings

page # 16

By Ilene Dillon, MSW 3

July-August 2014, Issue 21

CONTENTS

Getting the Yes! Child’s Needs & Individual Education Program

page # 20

By Vaughn K. Lauer

Let’s Give Children The Ability to Be Who They Really Are

page # 24

By Alan Wilson

Knowledge is Yours Focus on Your Desires

page # 28

By Jean Harris

Digital Natives Nutritious Entertainment & Modern Archetypes

page # 31

By Dave Room

Becoming Us Loving, Learning & Growing Together

page # 34

By Elly Taylor

The School Portrait How to Change Your Focus

page # 36

By Sherlyn Pang Luedtke 4

FROM THE EDITOR

July-August 2014, Issue 21

Is it Summer or already Back to School?

Some people say it’s “my age” the reason for the “concept of time” changing for me.

The older I get, it seems the faster time flies.

Is it the same for you?

The saying: “Time flies when you’re having fun” is true for sure. As the calendar goes, wasn’t it the last day of school only yesterday? Actually, wasn’t it just Christmas? This year has really flown!

We are already inundated with back to school ads and “hurry” buy the notebooks, pens and backpacks but school starts in mid September here.

I just started to get used to the slower summer routine, the longer days, taking a bit of an afternoon nap in the sun, and eating every night in the outdoor “piazza” squares in our city in northern Italy.

Somehow it seems harder to enjoy the NOW. The seasons, the holidays and the phases are always anticipated weeks and even months before. And once you get to the date, it seems you have already lived it.

Or worse, you start preparing for things so early that when the time comes for the event, you are actually “tired” of it being “prepared for”.

In parenting I see the same thing. The “concept of time” has changed. What I see among my middle school daughter’s friends perplexes me. She and her friends are only 12, but already some are starting with the makeup and shaving legs routine. Gees, when I was a teen it was “common practice” to start all that at 14!

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Contact Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Magazine Privacy Policy Copyright 2012 Diana Dentinger Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Sviluppo CCT sas - Italy All rights reserved under the International and Pan American Copyright Conventions.

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Take Your Time & Enjoy Life!

Diana Dentinger, Editor Inner Peace Parenting Magazine

Now I see so many parents “anticipating” the phases for their kids. They offer experiences, objects and things so early. Often the kids seem “tired” or even bored. Once they’ve done it or had it, they want the next bigger, better or latest thing!

Having seen hundreds of kids between my large USA family and the friends of my 4 kids, I have noticed one thing... that the kids that “have” less or do the “simple things” at a more “appropriate” age seem happier in the long run. What have you noticed? Let’s talk!

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PARENTING 2.0 PRESENTS

World Parenting Conference Dublin, Ireland - September 14 - 16, 2014 Thirty Thought Leaders Establishing New Standards for Human Development & Education in the 21st Century

REGISTER TODAY

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World Parenting Conference P2.0 Talks 2014 Human development professionals from four continents will converge in Dublin, September 14th-16th for P20 Talks 2014. Billed as “The World’s Only Professional Conference for Life Skills Educators,” P20 Talks is structured around the concept of Life Skills Report Cards and advocates a more proactive educational process for skills that have traditionally fallen under the generic umbrella of “parenting.”

The conference is organised by LinkedIn’s top ranked parenting group Parenting 2.0.(P20) – that counts 5000 professionals in over seventy countries as members. P20 Talks presentations diverge from traditional parent conferences by advocating parents embrace the wisdom of third party educators for Life Skills in the same manner they routinely do for academics, sports and music.

“Take any persistent, pervasive, problem,” says Parenting 2.0 Founder Marlaine Cover, “and you will find its roots in an inferior educational process. Societies around the globe routinely prepare adults to respond to crisis in the Life Skills arenas – lawyers, doctors, military – but they do not proactively teach children skills necessary to avoid crisis in the first place.”

Thirty “Thought Leaders”, from the US, India, Australia, and Europe, will address topics ranging from digital safety, financial literacy, and interpersonal communication – all with the goal of establishing new standards for human development in the twenty-first century.

Evidenced by the group’s more than 200 Ambassadors in over 100 cities around the globe, and Cover’s book about their advocacy “Kissing the Mirror: Raising Humanity in the Twenty-first Century” status as an Amazon bestseller, the self-described “Grassroots consciousness movement” shows promise of success.

The first P20 Talks Conference, a bi-annual international event, was held in San Diego, California in 2012. Organizers selected the Castleknock Resort and Hotel in Dublin for P20 Talks 2014. P20 Talks 2016 will be in Sydney, Australia. “Our list of Thought Leaders – which includes Social Workers, Psychologists, Teachers, Digital Safety and Financial Literacy experts – represent the types of professionals that will find P20 Talks well worth their investment, says Cover.

Conference and Registration details can be found here.

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COVER STORY

The Key to True Harmony Tips for a Happy & Understanding Family

By Diana Dentinger

I never stop learning... and especially from my children!

As a family goes, we are facing lots of changes this summer and fall. And I must admit the “tension” is a bit high. I don’t remember feeling tense like this for years.

Everyone of us - myself as a single mom and each of my 4 kids - are stepping into new experiences.

My second son just finished college and needs to decide between graduate school or an internship abroad. Another son will start a middle school with a tough curriculum. My daughter became a “young lady”.

Then there are the moves! The older sons need to move out of their city apartment and bring their things to our house while my younger kids and I decided to move out of our country home with a big yard back into a city apartment. There seems to be so much going on and the choices made are not everyone’s favourites.

It’s in moments like this, when our family really needs to be united so the stress does not take a toll on our relationships.

It’s in moments like this that each one of us is elaborating “change” in his or her own unique way.

I made a few big mistakes these past weeks and I ask myself how I could have!

For the past 20 years I have been a corporate trainer, team building specialist and even personal growth coach so I live and breath all the techniques for “effective results and cooperation”.

But darn it... I forget THE KEY, the secret to best supporting and nourishing each one of my children. I was so busy weighing the pros and cons of the decisions, planning and organizing.

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When it’s time to make decisions and get things done, I excel. I love being active.

I love change. It all excites me.

None of my kids are like me in this.

They prefer stability. They prefer a gradual pace. They were raised here in Italy, home of “Slow Food” and street front cafés. They are Italians and like to talk, discuss, gesture, discuss again, fight then make peace... the complete process to getting to a decision.

We have been through worse times. The sudden illnesses, accidents and hospital stays over the years though seemed to bring out more compassion in each of us .

Maybe then there was one of us who was obviously the “weaker” so we all shed our love and attention on that one person.

Instead in the changes we are facing, there are not “survival” fears, but there are other fears that each one needs to express, get out and work through.

I didn’t have a lot of patience to go through their process and it cost us all some emotional hardship.

There is: Will I make it, Am I smart enough, Is there enough time, Is there room for me, Will I lose my friends...

The Key to Harmony is Asking about Everyone’s Needs!

I love harmony, flow, conversation, making things simple and meaningful.

My kids were keen on pointing out how my approach these past weeks was not up to par... and I dearly appreciate it.

In all my training classes I insist on the importance of asking questions.

In certain professional contexts the usual 5 W’s could suffice.

But in a family the questions are more about individual NEEDS. They are deeper. The answer to “what do you need now from me” or “what do you need to feel happy with this choice” is surely not a spreadsheet of statistics!

I forgot to ask these kinds of questions.

I forgot to feel their “instability” and listen to their “cry” for understanding.

So here are THEIR TIPS on how to best relate the next time: When you are “explaining your reasoning” don’t preach us about the why.

Since you are the “final decision maker” just blend your explanation with both kindness & firmness.

Remember to ask us how we feel!

Diana Dentinger Take Diana’s free video QUIZ to discover your innate needs and talents for a happier, more fulfilling life. Use this tool to support your children in their choices and evolution. Sign up now: www.themeaningoflifeschool.com 9

PEACE IN CHOICE

Unlimited Energy for Moms?

Say Yes!

By Blanca Vergara

The greatest lessons come from moments of profound darkness.

I have been blessed to have been inspired by very courageous people, very courageous women, very courageous mothers. I have learned a lot from them.

And today I would like to honor one powerful story on self-love, so that its blessings go further.

She moved from the warm tropics to the cold north of Europe. She did not have friends in the city and to make new ones was very challenging as she did not speak the local language.

She became a mother for the second time.

Pajama Days - wearing her pajamas from morning to evening - were plentiful.

All her family was affected by her blues, especially her youngest daughter.

The daughter just stopped eating. It was so serious her food dejection that she needed to be admitted into an institution to support her healing.

The woman’s eldest son did not understand what was going on.

Her husband was very concerned for her.

She touched rock bottom. We met in this profound darkness. With courage and curiosity, she changed her entire life in one second.

In those shadows, she realized that every moment of life she had two choices: -

Surrender to a downward spiral of negativity.

-

Have the courage to choose for herself – choose from love.

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Now? Now she is ready to take her risk to a new level. She is ready set up her own business.

Was she so special? What made her so different from other women who end up in the dark night of the soul?

Nothing and everything!

The difference is simple, yet powerful.

The difference is in the power of choice.

When she saw this simple pattern in life, she started playing with it.

She started placing stickers on a calendar to mark every non-pajama day. Once the non-pajama life became a habit, she started choosing other possibilities.

She started a journal.

She learned the local language.

She joined a public speaking club even though she had never spoken in public.

She volunteered for the school of her children. Her first friends in her new city started to appear.

She created a cooking club.

While playing with the irrelevant, the fundamental changed.

Her daughter healed. Her son and husband were also vibrantly happy.

She became the sunshine of her family.

Every single moment of our life we can choose between a life that expands us and a life that destroys us.

Every single time with have the golden chance to choose for growth, fun, contribution, enthusiasm‌ or to choose neglect, boredom, sameness.

Self- love is the key.

When we make decisions and we ask the question: does this expand me?

It’s easy to choose. Just what is it that contributes to you becoming more of yourself. This is the only way to a really vibrant life.

Every single choice we make is very clear.

Our accumulated choices build who we are. Where you are right now is an accumulation of your past choices.

No matter rain or shine, she always had a playful possibility for the family to be happy.

From building snow men, to playing beauty parlor, her imagination never stops creating brand new experiences that keep her and her family vibrantly enthusiastic, vibrantly alive.

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The great thing is that you can start accumulating decisions towards the future person you want to become.

Even more astonishing for parents is that this is of direct influence to your children.

In this case it was directly seen in her children, in her daughter.

The mom was teaching her how to neglect herself, so the daughter started to do exactly the same. She was just repeating the pattern of not loving herself.

Our actions speak louder than our words. Our example is always heard.

It is always followed and every time it is taken to a higher level.

Blanca Vergara is founder of Parenting the Gods and author of "Women Work Wonders."

She connects mothers with their courage, compassion and (self) approval.

Coming from a long lineage of Toltec Female Healers, Blanca felt herself being called to let go of her path "climbing the corporate ladder" and reconnect with the wisdom of her ancestors.

Motherhood ensured her complete transformation.

Let us chose for a vibrant, enthusiastic, creative and compassionate life.

Let us chose for ourselves and not simply be a victim of the circumstances, not simply be at drift.

Let us be a daily relevant example of what we want to see in the world.

Our children will surpass us.

Let them outshine us in love.

Blanca Vergara Based in Amsterdam, Vergara offers online workshops to mothers around the world. Her larger goal is supporting the shift to a Heart Centered Economy by stopping the chain of fear and pain passively inherited generation after generation. Visit her at www.blancavergara.com.

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PEACE IN BIRTH

Mothering the Mother Collaboration for Postpartum Support

By Diane S. Speier, PhD

As a birth professional for more than a generation, with a special interest in the postpartum period, I have been dedicated to helping families get off to the right start for ages.

So when my daughter Mariel became pregnant, I made plans to be there with her in the first weeks after my grandson was born.

Growing up with a mother who taught natural childbirth classes, I thought that some of that would have rubbed off on her. I had to accept that she had her own ideas about birth and parenting.

She struggled through the transition to parenthood – a baby who lost weight and didn’t regain it for several weeks and the concern that she was not producing enough milk for him, played into her anxieties about being a parent.

I watched her sense of defeat grow larger and did what I could to support her however she needed.

During that time we talked about how little information there was about the postpartum period, and that there needed to be a book about it.

It was something that I had been pondering myself, and I decided to write the book, which is in progress called The Handbook for the Postpartum Period.

A couple of months later Mariel called and said, “You know that book you’re writing, I want to create an app for it.”

What a 21st century idea! I loved it, recognizing that now women are getting their information from the internet and social media, and our postpartum app, Digital Doula, was launched in November 2013.

We collaborated on the project, bringing knowledge and experience of different generations and different perspectives together to assist new mothers and fathers move through the postpartum period as smoothly as possible. It’s an exciting platform for sharing wisdom.

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There are six ‘Empowering Chapters’ full of information about the fourth trimester, breastfeeding, hormones, attachment and bonding, and nurturing the partner relationship; there are also more than 75 ‘Hot Topics’ that include articles, the latest research, and videos that are relevant to new mothers and fathers making adjustments to their identities and to their lifestyles in new parenthood.

New sections are in development now to make it even more user friendly and interactive.

Collaborating hasn’t always been easy, as we have different styles of communication and don’t always see eye to eye.

Yet, it has helped us understand each other in ways beyond what the mother/ daughter relationship has been.

It also tuned me in to this generation of childbearing women and the differences from when I taught childbirth education for twenty years at the end of the last century.

I have learned to be more tolerant of choices that vary from my teachings, and to appreciate that freedom of choice is defined by the women who are making those choices.

I am grateful for the opportunity this collaboration has created in expanding my awareness of women’s (and of their partners’) needs during the vital childbearing year.

Dr. Diane Speier Dr Diane Speier, a certified childbirth educator and doula since 1978, is also a birth psychologist healing birth-related issues.

Digital Doula is the postpartum app co-created with her daughter.

Visit her at www.dianespeier.com

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PEACE IN SOUL

Your Child’s Soul is Showing How to Nourish their Inner Workings

By Ilene Dillon, MSW

A spiritually-aware father recently told me about his 5 year old son running to a classmate who had fallen and scraped his knee, saying “I can help you; I have healing hands!”

The teacher stepped in, saying “Healing hands are not possible. Medicine and a bandage strip are what will help your friend heal.”

Later that night, the boy shared the story with his parents, struggling with why he had been told his healing hands were “not possible.”

His father, who both fully respected his young son and was helping him to fit into the world, said “In this case, you know more than your teacher! It is possible to have healing hands. Sadly, she just doesn’t know it yet.”

This 5 year olds’ experience highlights a growing issue that has not yet been addressed: Most children of today have abilities and talents that we adults are not used to seeing—or acknowledging—in young children.

Driven more by “inner knowing” and intuition than previous generations, today’s children are showing their bright inner light and coming equipped with amazing talents, expressed early in life, that deserve both respect and acknowledgment.

Instead of limiting our children to work within our own beliefs, we parents need to open ourselves to possibilities that may be difficult for us to accept.

This is why our paradigm for parenting children must change. Because we have children whose inner workings are different than even 30 years ago, we must develop new ways of parenting that nourish and guide children with unfamiliar abilities.

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While this may not be easy, a great gift for your child is to support what may actually be possible, rather than what you learned is possible.

What Does This Mean for Parents?

Previously, parents emphasized children fitting in to this world, following societal rules, and obeying.

Acknowledge and live an understanding of children as Souls who arrive on earth bringing talents, a personal plan, past experience and lessons to be learned.

When newborns arrived, they were seen as “new citizens of earth,” often with scant acknowledgment given to the inner soul of the child, especially as the child grew and revealed the ways they differed from expectations.

Increasingly, we’re noticing there is more to us than “just” being a human being.

As human consciousness increases, we’re realize we’re Souls who’ve come to earth to live a human life.

A child’s Soul Self needs to be nourished as much as the human self. This requires adjustment in our parenting approach and within ourselves.

Today’s children are pushing adults to open themselves to new possibilities and perspectives. Will we accept their powerful invitation to grow?

1. We need to open ourselves to new perspectives.

Our child is more like a well-traveled “visitor” than a brand new being who has nothing to offer.

2. We need to partner with our child, as equals in all but age and size.

Instead of assuming the responsibility to teach our child everything, shape his/her life, or instruct on the “right way”, we need to see our child as a visitor, a partner who accepts our protection and gives us feedback (by reacting to us honestly), love, challenge and new information.

We can ask our child to help us grow, and assist the child’s growth. We can accept that our child may not wish to become the person we think s/he “should” become!

3. We need to enlarge our scope, accepting all human beings as a combination of mental, physical, emotional AND spiritual elements.

Each person is a whole person.

Parents have the opportunity to welcome the whole person to this earth, and assist him/her to develop all the parts equally.

In addition to school subjects, children need to learn life skills, such as how to care for their own bodies, learn from their emotions, or manage finances.

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We clear away the detritus of debilitating beliefs and incorrect self-identity gathered during our years here on the earth, and the Soul Self is there.

Parents can communicate with the Soul Self of their children (even prior to birth*); and children can be enabled to communicate with their own Soul Self.

Previously, parents urged children to quarantine emotions and connect with their soul at bedtime, in crisis, or on the Sabbath.

Children need support in staying connected—in all four areas—all the time.

4. We need to update our skills.

Just as parents have needed to learn technology, we need to learn to connect with our own emotions, end codependent patterns, live by our intuition, and manifest our dreams.

We need to recognize and develop all four areas of life in ourselves, too.

The Soul Self has answers tailored to that individual. To best parent children, we must bring the spiritual (not religious) element back into the parenting equation, but in a new way.

6. We need to welcome and embrace enormous change.

Lazaris, of Concept Synergy, once said: “Before change, there is chaos.

After change, chaos.”

As a 42-year psychotherapist, I’ve observed that most people don’t like change, and so wait to change until the pain of where we are/what we’re doing gets so great we think it couldn’t be any worse.

The Truth is that, on earth, “change is the name of the game.” Parents need to accept, and actively embrace, change.

5. We need to learn to communicate with our own Soul, AND with the Soul of our child.

One of the most miraculous things now available to all humans is the ability to communicate directly with their own Soul Self.

This is accessible without assistance from a holy person, a particular religion, or even significant ritual.

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Practical Suggestions Consider including some of these suggestions into your parenting: 1. Parent by Principle; teach children principles like “Energy follows attention,” or “Each person is individually responsible for his/her own life.”

2. Consider our Earth a Giant School, to which we’ve all come in order to grow and learn. Help yourself and your child to learn.

3. View all your child’s experiences as opportunities for learning, and help them do that learning.

We are all in the midst of incredible change and transformation.

We parents can help our children transform into the new ways of being human and living on this earth by welcoming their Soul and allowing it to show, supporting the whole people who come to earth, gifting us with their willingness to share their experiences, learning and lives with us! *Look at Natural, Pain Free Birth…A Soul’s Journey to Earth, by Sonja and Oliver Rechnitzer (2010: Griffin Press, Australia), ISBN 978-0-9807827-0-7

4. Allow yourself to learn from your children; being in a small body doesn’t limit who they are as Souls 5. Treat children with the utmost respect, as if they were visitors from another place. Set limits, discipline and teach, but with much greater respect.

6. Recognize your self as a Soul, with all the attendant appreciation and respect!

7. Love every aspect of this amazing life!

8. Learn to communicate directly with your child’s soul, actively recognizing and supporting that Soul Self

Ilene Dillon Ilene Dillon, MSW, LMFT and LCSW (California) has been supporting families and children for over 40 years. A certified Accessing Universal Intelligence Mentor, Ilene helps parents develop their ability to make direct contact with their child’s Soul Self. Visit her work at: www.raiseincrediblekids.com and www.emotionalpro.com

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PEACE IN CAN DO

Getting the YES! Child’s Needs & Individual Education Program

By Vaughn K. Lauer

www.amazon.com/author/vklauer

The best way to get the yes at an IEP meeting is to avoid getting a no, but how to do in you do that?

There are some who feel that the best approach to take at an IEP meeting is with the intentions of negotiating for the services they want for their child.

But by the very nature and definition of negotiations, it means that you are willing to give up something in order to get something else.

When it comes to a child’s needs and the IEP that’s driven based on those needs the question becomes: Which of your child’s needs are you willing to sacrifice in order to have others met?

In all likelihood, you are unwilling to give up any of your child’s needed services.

Many articles are written about collaboration as an effective manner to approach problem-solving but, unfortunately, collaboration is an infrequently applied activity—probably because few know how.

How does a group of people, often times with healthy differing ideas, establish collaboration much less put it into effect?

Especially, if that group of people only meets a few times over the course of a school year.

Below are 6 questions to ask during an IEP meeting that will ensure collaboration if each is answered by all members of the IEP team and answered in the order provided.

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1. What do we know? Where are we? What don’t we know?

(If you don’t know where you are how can you possibly know how to get to someplace else?)

Think of it as a GPS. When you first turn it on and key in, say Washington DC as where you want to go, the GPS cannot respond until it first knows where it is.

In other words we are seeking to know the child’s present levels of academic and functional performance (PLAFPs).

2. Where do we want to go? What is it we want to accomplish?

Once the previous question is answered, the GPS can, accept the destination as your goal, much as we do when writing the goals in IEPs. They are based on the identified and agreed upon needs or PLAAPFs. 3. How will we get there? What do we need to get there?

The GPS provides us with the actual road names, directions to take (left, right straight) and more information if we want. All of it is designed to aid us in our goal of reaching Washington, DC. In the case of the IEP what we need to reach the goal, question 2, are the specific special education services, the amount of time for each and the setting where they will be provided to meet the child’s needs as identified in question 1 and established in the IEP goal statement determined in question 2.

4. How will we know that we are getting there?

When goal statements are written properly, they will be stated with a welldefined behavior (academic, social motoric, etc.) that is to be increased or decreased as a result of implementing the IEP. Along with the behavior, there is to be a condition to be stated under which the behavior is to be observed and a measurement of expected behavior to be achieved at the end of the IEP. Periodically, the GPS will tell us where we are and how close we are to our destination.

Schools are to periodically send to parents progress reports indicating the degree of movement toward reaching the goal and will let us know if we are getting to the goal written in question 2, with the services noted in answering question 3.

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5. How do we know when we have arrived?

The GPS will actually tell us when we have arrived. The progress reports and annual review will serve this purpose IF question 4 was properly provided.

6. How do we keep what we have?

Or, where do we want to go from here?

With the GPS we simply key in another destination based on where we are (question 1). We do the same at the annual review having collected answers to questions 4 and 5, we know the answer to question 1 and can begin the IEP process again.

It is important to know that each question requires a group discussion and agreement with the team answer—the definition of collaboration.

The end product is much stronger, because a team of people have created it, agreed to it and committed to its implementation—and success.

If your school does not apply the structured collaborative IEP process, you can take the lead on putting this process into practice.

It is, after all, the child’s needs that are to be programmed for and met, and not those of an individual or institution.

Vaughn K. Lauer http://www.IEPHelp.com Thirty years of experience, Pre-K through post-secondary, as a teacher, professor, building, district and state administrator of special education and various private organization directorships in professional development and test development. His latest work includes a book on collaborative IEP development called When the School Says No… How to Get the Yes!, parent presentations, regional, state, national and international22 conferences and writing articles published in parent magazines and the web.

PEACE IN LEARNING

The 5 Steps to Finding Meaning to Find Yourself

http://youtu.be/YZJBBVva2ZI www.themeaningoflifeschool.com

“A school of life where you learn to be you & love every moment!”

Diana Dentinger Founder

LIVE Learn to Relate

Learn to Energize Learn to Change

Learn to be You 23

PEACE IN BEING YOU

Let’s Give Children...

The Ability to Be Who They Really Are

By Alan Wilson

I was a selfish, money motivated workaholic until I was bankrupt in 1993.

In the same year I had a messy divorce, separated from a new born and had a nervous breakdown. My world just crashed.

Looking back now I can see my life wasn’t in balance. Like many people today, I was just on a roller coaster, lurching from one problem to another – not ever stopping to look deeply inside myself.

The crash was the best thing that happened to me. I realised that material possessions and money were not what life is all about – it’s about love, relationships and family. I acknowledged that I hadn’t been the best Dad to my two older children. Whilst I was providing for them, I hadn’t spent quality time with them.

These awareness’s started me on a path of personal growth.

I worked with professionals psychiatrists then counsellors - and enrolled on a marriage guidance course called “Relate counselling”.

What I took from this education was a shift in perception.

Instead of blaming the world for everything that went wrong, I learned I was responsible for my own happiness.

We are all connected I moved in with a mate who was very spiritual. Sometimes we would be up all night just chatting. He introduced me to books like the Celestine Prophesy, which helped me to see my life and myself in a new light. I grew increasingly appreciative of the fact that we are all energy and we are all connected.

I also learned about the value of Life Coaching for increasing personal empowerment and improving self-esteem. 24

Do we expect too much?

We expect parents and schools to prepare children for life, but the fact is parents are only doing the best they can with what they know, and schools are often hands strung by the academic curriculum. Children get the message that they’re not good enough, they’re not capable enough, they’re not smart enough, they’re not ANYTHING ENOUGH. What on earth went wrong?

In 2002 I was relaxing in my favourite cafe in Maidstone enjoying my cup of coffee and watching this little bundle of new-born joy, love and pure energy, at a nearby table. With Mum instinctively knowing what that little cherub wants, even before the baby cries out.

During my years in business, I’d learned about a concept called USP (Unique Selling Point).

I saw a parallel with human beings. Every person has something unique, something that distinguishes them from everyone else. Something positive, something wonderful and an awareness of this is the basis of self-esteem.

This beautiful picture was smashed by an angry teenager shouting, swearing and arguing with his Mum, and she was giving it back in equal ferocity. The transition was so dramatic, I thought what on earth went wrong.

In contemplating how to better prepare children for success in life, I felt it was critical someone affirm this fact. So I created a programme that combined the USP concept with self-empowerment.

Before children go to school, the majority are naturally fun; creative, imaginative and laughing all the time, then they are pressured by multiple forces - school, puberty, work, relationships - to sacrifice their uniqueness and conform to the expectations of others.

In that moment in the cafe, the “Big Question” for me became “How can we better equip that beautiful bundle of pure potential, to manage in this highly demanding, ever-changing world?

How can parents better communicate with angry teenagers to defuse volatile exchanges?

Scary stuff!

I discussed my idea with the Head Teacher of my children’s school. He agreed to give me the freedom to work with a group of eight-year-old ‘underachievers’ as I refined the components of the programme.

If right now, you are all thinking, “that’s scary,” I agree. I was afraid myself. What if it didn’t work? What the heck was I, a businessman by profession, doing in a classroom? I was surprised myself how easily everything just came together. It was as if I was providing the missing piece of a puzzle.

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The administration welcomed me, the children were wholly engaged, all of this confirmed for me I was on the right path.

Statistics proved me correct. My programme resulted in a minimum of 15% improvement in test scores, over the year group as a whole. This process resulted in my first Life Coaching programme; it was for children – called “Go for Goals.”

Help for struggling parents In 2003 whilst coaching some teenagers it became apparent that children who were struggling, often had a parent that was also struggling, so I turned my attention to parents.

I took a parent coach-training course in the US, then became a Parenting Tutor for the local Adult Education college in the UK for 6 years. During this time I created a personal development programme for parents called the Parent Champion Programme.

Fantastic results This programme has been independently evaluated over 2 years by Canterbury Christ Church University, with parents from 'dysfunctional' families in deprived areas with the following outcomes: - 67% identified a significant increase in self-worth and confidence.

- 36% progressed into education, employment or training.

- 21% came from social services and they ‘stepped down’ their intervention from child protection orders with significant savings and social impact.

- Everyone reported significant changes in their lives through trusting their instincts or gut feelings or intuition.

- A year after the training, the majority of these parents had sustained the change and integrated the learning into their lives.

Whole school coaching programme I recently began teaching the same programme in schools for parents, teachers and children together. We call this programme the Ethos Empowerment.

The core of these programmes involves teaching how to change your emotional state by looking at your life circumstances in a new light - how to be the architect of your thoughts rather than the victim.

Parents notice that their children are far more sensitive than themselves. Some parents have noticed their children know what they are thinking. Children ‘labelled’ ASD, ADHD, dyslexia, etc. are especially sensitive.

For example, one mother of a 7-year-old diagnosed with ADHD had been sending loving energy to her son whilst he is at school. Her sons teacher pulled her to one side when she went to collect him and said how much of a fantastic day he had, she explained that at one point when his usual group of friends became disruptive, he took himself away from them and played with another group of children.

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Mum proudly explained that he now even makes eye contact with new people he meets.

Another mum had a 4-year-old son who was diagnosed with global development delay. He couldn’t communicate or interact with anyone.

After taking our course, and simply increasing her awareness of her son’s emotional state, she reported, she can now communicate with him non-verbally.

This not only transformed their communication but has huge impact on the whole family unit.

How to have a positive influence When you feel good about yourself everything feels easier – your children are happier and more content, but when you’re angry or stressed the opposite is true.

When your emotions are up in the air or you’re focusing on your problems, you’re very unlikely to have a positive connection.

Most parents know when they’re happy their children are happy, but what very few know is that their children, being sensitive to a parents emotional state, also take responsibility for that emotional state.

Children don’t have the confidence or communication and emotional skills to express their concern, so they kick off in the only way they know how to get attention.

That might be screaming, hitting out or storming out of the room shouting “you don’t understand me” as they slam the door.

The cost of this crisis in the UK, as an example, there are 120,000 families that cost the taxpayer over £9 billion a year because the Government are trying to ‘fix’ the problem using the same old techniques that aren’t working, and just creating a growing problem of dependency.

The most crushing cost, is not the crisis, but the loss of human potential and the impact on our society. The children in prisons could be the next Gandhi, Einstein or Bill Gates - who will ever know.

We teach parents about how their energy affects their relationships.

And when they combine new ways of thinking about themselves and their children – they literally transform their families and their communities.

By prioritising children’s emotional state – they gain the ability to be who they really are.

Alan Wilson Alan Wilson is the creator of “The Parent Champion” and “The Ethos of Empowerment” programmes. Core to each is the prioritization of culture and connection over content. Wilson’s path to becoming a Life Skills Empowerment Coach was anything but conventional…. Visit Alan at: http:// www.parentchampioncommunity.com 27

PEACE IN LEARNING

Knowledge is Yours Focus on Your Desires

By Jean Harris

In high school, there was a time where I doubted my mom’s guidance. One of my teachers had a reputation for giving African Americans low grades.

At the start of the semester, I complained about this teacher’s unfairness. Mom had a conversation with me about the instructor and asked me these questions: Mom: When you are in the classroom; who in the room has all of the information?

Me: Thought about it briefly. I said, “the teacher!”

She closed this discussion by saying: “Always stay focused on gaining as much information as you can, do not lose sight of that. Once you have the information, remember no one can take it from you!”

Using my imagination, I made a game of improving my note taking and study skills.

Unfortunately my final grade was ‘F’ for Fair’, a grade between 70 and 79. Her mantra replayed in my mind.

‘Once you have the information, remember no one can take it from you’.

I still had doubted whether she was right.

Mom: What is your job, when you are in the classroom?

Me: Guess it is to learn the information.”

Mom: “Well, if that is the case, then going forward, you want to learn as much information as you can. Keep in mind the reason for doing this is so that after you finish this class you will have the information and no one can take that away from you.”

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I attended University of Maryland in College Park, MD. I was among the 30 African Americans in a population of 32,000 students.

We used ‘Blue Books’ for our exams. On the front cover of my first English exam, I saw a ‘B+’!

Then I noticed a written comment under the grade, ‘Please see me after class.’

I was puzzled as to why the professor wanted to see me. He explained how I had not fully developed the premise, which prevented me from getting an ‘A’.

Then he asked questions about my birthplace, my parent’s occupation, and the name of the high school I attended.

I am thinking – how can this information be pertinent to our discussion about my grade. He closed by saying he was curious about my background and wanted to acknowledge my excellent command of the English language.

I ran back to dorm to call mom. After our conversation about the professor’s comments, mom said, “See that is why it was so important for you to learn the information because no one can take it away from you!”

Having a different perspective on situations where there was bias, allowed me to flourish in future life situations where I was among the first or among the few… as a chemistry instructor, in a Jewish high school and among the few females in sales with three Fortune 500 companies.

In dealing with prejudice in male dominated situations, I focused on the results I wanted and how best to achieve them.

Amazingly, it worked practically every time!

Jean Harris Jean Harris Owner, Launching Life Strategies. Visit her at this website: http://www.launchinglifestrategies.com/ Author of forthcoming book: “When It Snows, All You Need is a Broom Life Lessons According to Pearl and Dan” 29

Free Subscription Available now on iPad, iPod & iPhone http://bit.ly/WdX4kR

PEACE WITH DIGITAL

Digital Natives Nutritious Entertainment and Modern Archetypes

By Dave Room

Is your child’s entertainment more like McDonalds, a white tablecloth dinner, or a home cooked meal?

The Potential of Entertainment is Immense Imagine a possible future where entertainment is inner-trainment.

Where all parents and children have access to age appropriate and culturallyrelevant entertainment.

Where entertainment trains children to better understand themselves, their interdependence with nature, and how to make better choices.

Where entertainment exposes children to new ideas and interests, and safely connects them with real world activities.

Where entertainment inspires children to bring their dreams into reality, and create the world they want to live in.

Entertainment has the potential to be a positive influence on kids and the world.

We’re living in an unprecedented era, where children are emerging as youth leaders with the social power to make a real difference. This new archetype, a dream-into-action type of kid, is popping up all around the world.

Avalon Theisen, for example, is a 13 year old who started an amphibian protection organization at age 9, and is now winning tons of awards alongside her own TV show.

The organization Youth-LeadeR, a UNESCO project, is working with Avalon and dozens of other young who are trailblazing the world they want to live in!

Imagine if children’s entertainment glorified these stories rather than fame, fashion, and fortune.

The Reality is Sobering Today’s kids are considered digital natives, growing up with unprecedented access to media, through a multitude of devices that keeps them glued to screens an average of 7 hours per day.

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They spend far less time outside, in natural settings, and communicating face-to-face, than previous generations.

As reported in Treehugger.com, children are also getting less exposure to the natural world in media.

Unfortunately, most children’s entertainment is like junk food.

It may satisfy cravings, but it’s making kids sick. Much of what children experience on screens is vapid if not violent, misogynistic, or glorifying consumption and addiction.

For example, in 75% of the TV programs when U.S. children are most likely to be watching, the hero either kills people or beats them up.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has repeatedly stated that such content can be detrimental to a child's healthy development.

We now know everything we experience rewires our brains. It’s time to leverage children’s entertainment to support their healthy development.

Below is an example of what I call “Nutritious” children’s entertainment that you and your kids can experience and enjoy right now.

Pacha, the lead character in the musical Pacha’s Pajamas and a budding youth leader, has an awesome dream in which everyone on earth was connected and dancing to make the world a better place!

Through the dream, Pacha understood that we are connected in the most basic and practical sense by the Earth that we live on. She also understood that we are connected by our common ancestry and shared destiny.

After her dream, Pacha tells her mama about her dream and they make a video with kids across the planet dancing and singing “We Are ALL Connected”! Now Pacha can’t wait to share her video with YOU and your children and students!

Watch the video on the next page...

Dave Room Dave’s most important identifier is Melia’s Papa. He is also co-creator of Pacha’s Pajamas and CEO of BALANCE Edutainment, a social enterprise that produces nutritious children’s entertainment.Visit his work at: http://pachaspajamas.com 32

PEACE IN ENTERTAINING

We Are All Connected A Children’s Musical Written by Nature

http://youtu.be/qoYTbYs1xqA

Pacha’s Message to You Pacha’s Message to you!

I would love to see all my friends across the world sharing their own version of the Connected Dance or speaking about connectedness so that we can make the world a better place. My friend Avalon and I say the more we are aware of our connectedness, the better we will treat one another and nature.

Doing a dance party video is a fun and meaningful activity for families, homeschoolers, classrooms, teams, and youth programs. It creates great pictures and videos, and increases awareness of and interest in connectedness.

To get started, download your free MP3 at http://weareallconnected.us and use it to make a dance party video with your kids. I can’t wait to see your video!

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PEACE IN COUPLE

Becoming Us Loving, Learning & Growing Together

By Elly Taylor

I have a picture of us posing as a new family. It looks awkward.

I’m holding our four month old, his legs dangling, they keep growing more than my arms are used to containing.

Although my husband has his arm around me, he leans a little away, perhaps to make room for my elbow, perhaps not.

There is a new gap between us. What speaks to me most though, is that my gaze is not at the camera, nor at my husband, as it would have been in photographs past.

My eyes are for my - for our - son only.

complete and stronger in some ways and yet more tentative and vulnerable in others.

This is not unusual, there are many more pictures like this. But this one takes me back to the moment I made, but didn’t realise I made, a decision.

I didn’t have the words to share what was unfolding inside me or to draw my husband in.

I remember thinking “life is not about me anymore, so I won’t look at the camera, life is not about me and my husband anymore so I won’t look at him. It’s all about the baby now”.

Life wasn’t about my husband anymore either and so immersed was I in my new mother responsibilities, I didn’t even stop to think what, if anything, was happening inside him.

Life wasn’t about me and yet there was so much going on inside that was confusing to me: as a new mother I felt more

This became a wider space between us. I ignored my needs, his needs and continued to focus on my - on our - son. 34

I became a relationship counsellor at the same time we had our second child so I started researching what was happening to us and I was shocked to find that 92% of couples report increased conflict in the first year after baby and 67% declined relationship satisfaction in the first three.

It’s acknowledged that parents need time, space and support to find their feet and adjust to the different stages of the transition: letting go of the old way of life, facing the confusion and fear of change and emerging with a new sense of themselves.

Looking beyond the statistics, I discovered parenthood has a dramatic impact on a couple’s relationship that they are completely unprepared for it tips both mothers and fathers into a new life stage – often at a different time to each other, sends them into a new relationship stage and involves multiple transitions – psychological, financial, emotional, sexual and spiritual – that they are often blindsided by.

In our first world we don’t facilitate the transition into parenthood, we focus on the romantic and materialistic aspects, leaving couples disillusioned and unequipped for the challenges that lay ahead. Imagine what a difference it might make if we did.

And yet at the same time I was working through the issues with my husband and finding that this was binding us deeper and in ways I’d never even imagined.

Another child later and we really were becoming a new “us”.

In traditional cultures parenthood is honoured as a rite of passage: a stage of transition between one stage of life and the next.

Elly Taylor Elly Taylor is a leading Perinatal Relationship Researcher, therapist, columnist, and author of the book Becoming Us. Her passion is supporting whole family bonding – the foundation for family. Visit her at: www.ellytaylor.com 35

PEACE IN GREAT

The School Portrait How to Change Your Focus

By Sherlyn Pang Luedtke

Have you ever had your child sit for portraits, only to be disappointed in how they turned out?

The instant he walked through the door, my 4th grade son plunked his backpack on the floor, dug his hand inside it, and pulled out a large white envelope. “Here, Mom,” he said, and ran off.

It was his spring school portraits. His last set of portraits were taken in the fall with his school uniform.

Spring portraits were our opportunity to score an 8 by 10 trophy worthy of framing by his grandma.

I was hoping that they came out well but wasn’t concerned because I knew we could return them without charge if we were not satisfied.

I gently slid the portraits out of the envelope. The 8 by 10 was on top.

At first glance it was fine.

Eyes open, nice seated pose, serene woodland background; but then I saw it.

His navy blue pants were ripped, exposing his entire left knee.

I groaned and shook my head in disappointment.

We were not keeping these.

I called my husband over and showed him how bad the pictures were. If only our son’s pants were not ripped.

I put my hand on the portrait to block our view of the gaping tear, and we found ourselves doting over our firstborn’s sweet smile, cheerful eyes, strong posture, and cooperative hair.

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Time stood still for a moment as I was lost in love with my child.

Suddenly I snapped to the realization that this portrait was teaching me a lesson: When I change my focus, I change my experience.

When I focused on the torn pants and vulgar exposed skin, I condemned myself for failing to get a good portrait.

I should have chosen sturdier pants.

I should have coached him about my expectations so he could have done better.

I thought about the countless snapshots I took of my son over the years, rarely getting a decent picture.

My sadness, frustration, and anger were churning. I wanted to blame my son for ruining the portrait and then bury all the evidence. It was sickening.

But when I focused on the other 90 percent of the portrait, especially my son’s joyful, enthusiastic face, I felt his joy.

My eyes traced his neck and stable, relaxed shoulders, and I sighed at how care-free childhood can be. I remembered our best moments together and imagined the man he would become.

I returned to the present moment when I heard him shuffling around in his bedroom, singing happily to himself.

I decided to keep the portrait.

Anaïs Nin said, “We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Instead of focusing on where we fall short, where our children fall short, where life falls short, focus on what is highest and best in yourself and your children.

Focus on what is great in your life, your work, your relationships. Notice how your life increasingly gives you more to appreciate.

As you do, give thanks for the wondrous, loving experiences you create. ___ Ten years ago, Sherlyn Pang Luedtke became a stay-at-home mom.

She lost her identity and was sacrificing herself for others.

But when she reconnected with her goals and dreams, she launched PresentParentTraining.com, became a speaker, had a second child, and her book, The Mommy Advantage, became a #1 best seller.

Sherlyn Pang Luedtke She is a Founding Member of the Global Presence, Parenting 2.0's Humanitarian Arm. Through virtual and live events, she coaches moms to harness their inner power and reach their highest goals while raising their kids. Visit her at: PresentParentTraining.com 37