Inner Peace Parenting Magazine by Diana Dentinger

SP All i EC n One 3 I IA SS L UE

FI RS T

December 2012, Issue 3

READ WRITE THINK

Teach well

Parents Role

FROM TOT TO TEEN PERFORMANCE

Achieving C hatter STOP FEAR NOW

Contributors 2012

Gifting their Gifts

DIGITAL FAMILY

Memories Toddler READ

& SING

JEKYLL HYDE

ADHD

Snacks HEALTH VITALITY

Flow

It Is In Giving

That We Receive

December 2012, Issue 3

CONTENTS COVER

Gifting Their Gifts The 2012 Contributors page # 6

Jekyll & Hyde Parenting Parenting a Child with ADHD

page # 7

By Laurie Dupar

Raising Kind & Smart Babies Read, Sing & Talk to Your Babies

page # 9

By Judy Helm

Healthy Snacks For Healthy & Energetic Kids

page # 13

By Trudy Petersen

Your Teen’s College Search How to be Involved

page # 16

By Jill Greenbaum

5 Steps to Archiving Your Family’s Digital Memories

page #17

By Matthew Peters 2

December 2012, Issue 3

CONTENTS

Chatter Relaxer Freedom from Fear

page # 21

By Tom Stoffel

Parents ARE Teachers Show, Ask & Teach your Kids

page # 23

By Dr. Connie Hebert

Over or Under Achievers? Move Your Children to Solid Performance

page # 25

By Ken Christian, Ph.D.

How Parents Roles Change Over the Lives of their Children

page # 28

By Jill Greenbaum

3 Diet Myths that Keep You Grouchy And What to DO Instead

page # 32

By Gerilyn Burnett

Inspiration from Contributors

page # 35-38

By Judy Helm 3

FROM THE EDITOR

Happy Holidays and Enjoy this Special Issue http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=q5ed7FR46c8

December 2012, Issue 3

FEEDBACK Your feedback is welcome. This is your magazine too. Let us know what would help you find inner peace in parenting your children. Contact Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Magazine Privacy Policy Copyright 2012 Diana Dentinger Inner Peace Parenting Magazine Sviluppo CCT sas - Italy All rights reserved under the International and Pan American Copyright Conventions. Reproduction in whole or part is prohibited without written permission from the publisher. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the unsolicited materials.

Dear Parents, Caregivers and Teachers, The Holiday Season is the Season for Giving. Of course as a parent, you give all year long! Somehow this period of the year reminds us to give from a space of joy and love. With school aged children, parents and kids are full of recitals, plays, dress ups, songs and poems. What if we could “celebrate” this feeling of excitement all year round? What if we could make it a priority to feel happy all year! What will it take? Well, as the Editor of this Magazine, I feel it could take just “deciding”! Often, we wait for a party or special occasion to feel festive. But, this means that something on the outside of us has to happen in order for the inside of us to “feel” that way. The objective of the Inner Peace Parenting Magazine is to give you tools so that no matter what is going on in your circumstances, you are able to find solutions to your challenges and reach that place of peace, joy, happiness ... that lasts. Just as I said in the video, you can check out the way to do this by balancing your skills and challenges through the work of Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. See more about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology) Since this digital magazine just came out in October 2012, I feel it is important that you have the opportunity to meet all the author contributors again! Especially since their articles will help you parent more skillfully and live your life more fully! To your peaceful living,

Diana Dentinger Editor

It is in Giving that We Receive Enjoy our Gifts!

Find us all inside this Special 3 in 1 Issue! Lynda Monk

Juliette Miles

Jackie Foskett

Judy Helm

Gerilyn Burnett

Siobhan Wilcox

Marlaine Cover

Trudy Petersen

Debbie Rosenfelt

Tom Stoffel Anne Deatly

Jill Greenbaum

Laura Fobler

Matthew Peters Nancy Porter

Connie Hebert

Dennis Coates

Bev Sullivan

Laurie Dupar

Ken Christian

Happy Holidays from all of us committed experts, united by our common mission to help parents! Diana Dentinger Editor Inner Peace Parenting Magazine

PEACE WITH ADHD

Jekyll and Hyde Parenting Parenting a Child with ADHD By Laurie Dupar

Diagnosed at age seven, my now 20-yearold son with ADHD, has put to the test nearly every parenting trick or book ever published. In attempts to maintain my sanity and perhaps one step ahead, I have researched and tried out numerous methods, techniques, and expert advice on parenting. I was always hopeful that in the next book I read, a new resource found, I would discover the magic tool that would finally minimize the inconsistencies and characteristic highs and lows of life with ADHD. I couldn’t understand why no one technique seemed to be consistently effective. What I discovered on my own I have never seen printed in a book or mentioned at a seminar. It is basically my personal attempt to keep my wits about me as I tackle the day to day challenges of living with ADHD. When I am asked “What works?” from other parents with an ADHD child, I can finally describe to them what seems to be the clearest explanation of what has helped me through the rough spots.

I call it Jekyll and Hyde Parenting. We all know about the archetypal fictional character, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the man who changed from being a generous loving doctor, into an entirely alternative personality. Well, it didn’t take much for me to see the similarities between this fictional character and how I often feel parenting my son. Living with ADHD means unpredictable ups and downs for parents and children. The story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde described how my days can be spent.

I never really know what is going to happen next…whether I will need to generously praise my son’s behavior (Dr. Jekyll) or be able to come up with creative on the spot natural consequence for his actions (Mr. Hyde). How, as parents, do we balance the frustration and joy that our ADHD children bring us? How do we manage to maintain our own sense of sanity in the midst of the chaos and daily confusion? For the most part, I know that by being a loving, exceptionally optimistic and supportive mom works miracles for my son and his challenges. But, as other parents of an ADHD child can attest, the need for firm limit-setting, in control parenting is also essential as part of our repertoire. Sometimes for the same situation! For myself, I have found that holding the image of the characters, Jekyll and Hyde in my mind, has allowed me to gain a new perspective on parenting my son. Adding this somewhat wacky tool to my “bag of tricks” has helped me to separate myself from some otherwise crazy making situations. Just as quickly as Hyde turned to Jekyll and back again, I find I can react

appropriately to my son’s parenting needs. As I let myself change with the ups and melt-downs, inconsistencies and unpredictable changes of my son’s mood and behavior, I am able to react more appropriately to what is needed in each situation. I have discovered that parenting a child with ADHD takes at least ONE creative parent …THREE if you count Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!

Laurie Dupar Laurie Dupar, Senior Certified ADHD Coach and trained Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, specializes in working with clients who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. For more information, please visit http://www.coachingforadhd.com. 7

PEACE WITH BABIES

Raising Smart & Kind Babies Read, Sing & Talk to Your Baby By Judy Helm

When babies make cooing sounds, we make cooing sounds in return. When they smile, we smile and then they smile and it goes on and on. Our job is to provide prompt responses to his needs, consistent care and love. Hopefully, we will share opportunities for activities, which will help move and develop muscles including the brain. When it is play time, provide a secure, loving relationship; affection, patience and encouragement of his constant activity. When it is food time, the caring adults are excited with each development step and we mirror their expressions of joy when tasting applesauce. We want to provide as rich an environment with as many positive social and learning opportunities as possible. We want to stimulate those synapses associated with positive experiences to become a permanent part of the child’s brain. We want to stimulate those synapses associated with positive experiences to become a permanent part of the child’s brain. In order to do that all caregivers will want to provide a secure, loving relationship which will include affection, patience and encouragement of his constant activity.

Rather than scolding or commanding, try gently teaching by reading, singing and talking to your baby. The more experiences a child has, the more connections her brain cells will make. The size of the baby’s brain will almost triple in the first three years of life. Children who don’t have stimulating and enriching experiences such as cuddling, being talked, sung and read to, have underdeveloped brains. Those children will have the same number of cells, but there will be fewer connections between them. Shut off the Electronic Babysitter A very important thing you can do to stimulate your child’s brain development is to shut off the TV. No matter how educational a show is, and there are some good ones, a child needs interaction and one-on-one attention from a loving and kind adult.

Have I convinced you how important it is to provide caregiving in a nurturing, supportive and safe way? I hope so. Young children need and deserve safety, love, conversation and a stimulating environment to develop and keep these important synapses in the brain. Do you need tapes, videos, flashcards, lots of money, scheduled time and an agenda to accomplish this important task? Absolutely not! You need yourself, a few storybooks, some common everyday items from around your house and lots of love and determination to help your baby develop. Is it too late to start now? No, the brain is growing and developing through experiences. There are some pretty predictable stages; most babies smile at six weeks, crawl at nine months, and walk at 12 months. However, the brain is quite flexible and if any of these or other stages were missed, most circuits are still able to wire up until about 10 years of age. Guidelines for Growth As they grow, children are always learning new things. Below are just some of the “bench marks” you should be aware of as your baby grows and develop. This guide is not written in stone any more than the age each of us reach puberty!

Each child is unique and special and is on his own personal journey in life. As caring parents, keep your eyes and hearts open and you will know intuitively if your child may need additional help or guidance in an area. This is not a competition. There is no race. Do not allow grandparents, neighbors or other parents make you or your child feel like there is a winner or loser in who walks, talks and says “Mama” first. If you have concerns, talk with your child’s doctor and get connected with your community’s early childhood intervention system. At 6 months, a child usually can: Hold up his head Follow moving object with his eyes Focus his eyes on small object Begin to reach for objects Respond to his own name Respond to another’s emotion Copy sounds Like to play games Transfer objects from hand to hand Say one sound repeatedly Smile, giggle and laugh Show eagerness by making sounds.

At 1 year (12 Months), many can:

At 18 months, many children will:

Use simple gestures, like shaking head “no” or waving “bye-bye”

Play simple pretend games, such as feeding a doll

Say “Mama” and “dada” and exclamations like “oh-oh”

Point to show others something interesting

Copy gestures of siblings

Show a full range of emotions, such as happy, sad, angry

Hold, bite, chew a cracker or a biscuit Feed herself with her fingers Drink from a cup with help Respond to simple spoken requests Hold her arms up to be held Repeat a performance when laughed at or applauded Pick up small toys with thumb and finger.

Say and understand several single words and sentences Follow simple instructions Point to things or pictures when they are named. For toddlers and preschoolers, please see my other books in this series available at www.ArtichokePress.com http://amzn.to/kindlebyjudy

Judy Helm Author, radio show host, and international speaker on the three R’s; Resiliency, Responsibility and Respect. You will find resources, guides and articles to help you build a better world by being a better you. Claim your gift of an eBook “Steps to Empowerment” http://www.JudyHWright.com and join the global community.

PEACE IN SNACKS

Healthy Snacks for Healthy and Energetic Kids By Trudy Petersen

How do we feed kids healthy in a world full of fast, frankenfoods, which tear down rather than contribute to overall good health? Feeding them healthy is possible but will involve a bit more work. The good news is that with a little effort on your part it will be healthy for your kids and your pocket book. Not only are convenience foods nutritionally bankrupt - they are expensive! Some obvious simple good snacks most kids enjoy would include fruit, many seeds and nuts, cheeses and eggs. Of course if you are dealing with any allergies, some of these categories may not work for your child. Personally I think whether or not your child has gluten or wheat intolerance, it’s a good idea to eliminate the dependence on foods with wheat and grains. (For more information on the subject I highly recommend you read Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis.) My experience with kids is that if they can help make the foods they will enjoy eating them more! So, whenever possible allow the kids to help you make their snacks. My own grandchildren have proven this.

They always loved their protein shakes; and have been drinking them since they were infants. Being a nutritionist, I’m picky about what’s in those shakes - we always start with non-denatured New Zealand Whey either chocolate or vanilla. All of a sudden the kids decided they didn’t like the shakes so much. Knowing the need for good protein in their bodies, I had to figure out a way for them to want the shakes. So I started by buying them their own little shaker bottles. Then I let them create their own recipe. Once again they love them! Now they fix shakes themselves! Amazing how that works!

Dehydrated fruit snacks A personal favorite and something kids really enjoy is dehydrated fruit and fruit leathers. If you don’t have a dehydrator and cannot afford one, it can be done with your oven. However, if you are able, a dehydrator is a great investment. Mine gets used for the grandkids snacks and for grandma and grandpa, as we all love our jerky! Many fruits work well for dehydrating and would include strawberries, kiwi, apples, bananas, pears, pineapple and oranges. You can find recipes and specific how to instructions on the Internet or with your dehydrator. Make your own Fruit Leathers Mixing a couple of fruits such as strawberry and kiwi or apple and pear can make great fruit leathers. It is very simple. 1. Cut up two cups of each fruit 2. Put mixture into a saucepan 3. Warm and it creates its own juice, no water necessary 4. Stir over medium heat 5-6 minutes 5. Cook until fruit breaks apart and bubbles 6. Pour mixture onto a teflex sheet on top of mesh dehydrator screen 7. Spread to 1/4 thickness and slightly thicker at edges 8. Set dehydrator @ 130 degrees and in 8-10 hours you will have fruit leather 9. Check after 4 hours, when top is firm and edges lift easily 10. Peel carefully from sheet, flip over and continue drying.

No worries, if you don't have a dehydrator you can do this in your oven. Bake in your own Oven 1. Line a cookie sheet with Silpat or parchment paper (absolutely NO wax paper) 2. Turn oven on the lowest setting, usually 150-170 degrees 3. Bake for 8-10 hours 4. Check often to make sure it's not finishing quicker. The fruit leather is done when it's evenly firm, with no visible moist spots. It should be flexible and not brittle! To store, before it's cooled, peel from the sheet and place on parchment paper, cut it into strips and tie with a string. Store in an airtight container and place in cool, dry place. I would recommend organic fruits to minimize chemical and pesticides; after all we are trying to make “healthy” snacks! 12

Make your own Fruit Dips Kids love to dip…. anything! Fruit again comes to mind and you can make great dips with good yogurt, sour cream and cream cheese. There are great recipes on the Internet not only for fruit dips but also for ranch dressings and humus, or you can buy prepared humus for convenience. (Read the labels, the fewer ingredients the better.) These are great for dipping celery, carrots, jicima, peppers, radishes, mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower etc. Again, just know that kids love to dip, even big kids enjoy this! And yes, watch for the “double dippers”! Make your own Crackers Did you know you can make crackers, which can be wheat and gluten free and taste far better than anything you’d buy in the store? And again you can get the kids involved with rolling and cutting them out. You can purchase animal shaped cookie cutters and let the kids have fun with the shapes. If you are trying to stay away from grains, there are specialty flours you can buy which include almond flour, coconut flour, flax meal etc.

(KingArthruFlour.com and nuts.com are good sources.) I have found yummy cheese cracker recipes on the Internet, which the kids love making and eating! Make your own Smothies I mentioned shakes or smoothies before which my grandchildren enjoy. Start with a good whey protein, preferably non-denatured from New Zealand. Then you can add fruit, nut butter, greens, whatever you have on hand that the kids like. These can be made thick with lots of ice and eaten with a spoon. It’s like a dairy treat with all good ingredients. And last but not least when I make fruit salad to serve with a meal I always freeze what’s left over. When the time is right, put it in the blender with a little water and blend into a pulp, pour into Popsicle molds and freeze. The kids love their popsicles! These are just a few ideas for getting healthy snacks into kids to build up their health rather than tear it down! Use your imagination and have fun with it. Here’s to your kid’s health! Big kids and little kids!

Trudy Petersen Email: Trudy@coachtrudypetersen.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/trudy.petersen Facebook: Health & Wealth Coach Trudy 13

PEACE WITH CHOICE

Your Teenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s College Search How to be Involved By Jill Greenbaum http://youtu.be/gDbVFbvFmis

MAJOR IN YOU Partnering with Teens to Realize their Dreams jill@majorinyou.com www.majorinyou.com/blog

PEACE IN MEMORIES

5 Steps to Archiving Your Family’s Digital Memories By Matthew Peters

When I was growing up, my mother would pop in a roll of 35mm film in a point-and-shoot camera and would have 24 opportunities to capture the best memories of our family adventures, birthday parties and everyday life. I’m not that old, but there are less than 100 photos of me up until my high school years. My mother has less than half of that covering her entire childhood up to her wedding day. My 87-year-old grandmother has about 10 photos of her childhood and has no more than 5 photos of her mother and father. Digital photography has changed everything for this generation. As of writing this, I have thousands upon thousands of photos of my 4 and 6 year old children. Even though my background is in photography and video, my wife Fiona is the family digital archiver. At this rate, how do we parents archive, sort and manage potentially hundreds of thousands of photos and video clips of our children over the years?

I’m a sentimentalist and every photo of our family I look at encapsulates the event and the emotions of the moment. It is up to my wife and me to separate out which photos we want to select to print out and put into albums, frames and give to relatives. So what should we parents do with all of these photos and video clips? Well, the problem with me writing about the technological approach to this is that once I mention a camera model, online service or app, I date this information rather quickly. In this article I will rather discuss conceptually the thought process to archiving your family photos & video.

5 Steps to Archive Digital Memories 1. Get your photos off of your camera, Smartphone/Tablet ASAP Lost cameras can mean lost memories. Doing so also frees up space to capture the next memories without running out of space in the moment. 2. Connect to a cloud service if it is right for you. The cloud is basically an online hard drive storage space. Most cloud services have a free introductory plan with limited storage. Since each photo is megabytes in file size and video clips are in the hundreds of megabytes, your free 1 Gigabyte or 5 Gigabytes of space can get used up very quickly – sometimes within the first synch! Your favorite videos can be uploaded to YouTube as Unlisted or Private to backup online for free. There are hundreds of services out there. Apple, Google and other smartphone platforms have standard services and

apps that allow you to upload media or sync your device automatically to their cloud service. The thing you have to remember if you go the cloud route is that once you start using the cloud service, you will probably never leave it – it’s convenient and cumbersome to change. And if you rely on having all of your photos and videos on the cloud, you are locked-in to using that method at whatever monthly or yearly subscription rate they offer. So keep in mind you may be spending $50 to over $100 a year to have an online hard drive for your digital media. 3. Print off your favorite photos It’s important to choose a few photos from each event to print out. For Wi-Fi enabled devices, there are apps that make this job easy. Though there are many services that do this, my favorite is the Walgreens app for my iPhone. I simply select the photos I want to print, the size, quantity and where I want them printed and I pick them up a mile away from my house within the hour or days later when it’s convenient for me. There is no need to get more printer ink or photo paper for one at home, I like the convenience and flexibility of going right from my Smartphone to a professional printer. And at $0.06 a piece, it is well worth it to me. 16

4. Get an external 1Terebyte drive There are dozens of pocket sized 1Terebyte (1,000 Gigabytes) Hard Drives that you can easily copy your photos and videos to. The best I have found are USB powered which means that you can plug the hard drive into your USB for both transferring data and for powering the drive. 1-2Terebyte drives will cost you under $100 and stores the equivalent of over 200 DVDs. 5. Get a fire-rated lockbox If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t already have one, get a fire-rated lockbox. We keep our small portable lockbox near an exit so in an emergency we have our photo DVDs/ hard drive and important documents with us. Though today copies of these documents and photos can be uploaded to a cloud service, many people still like having a physical copy of everything within arms-reach when necessary.

The big idea here is to keep your photos backed up to a secondary location in the case your computer hard drive crashes or your cloud service is canceled due to an out of date credit card on file. Bring your favorites into the physical world by spending a few cents printing them out at home or professionally and put a few of them on the refrigerator, in a frame or giving them to grandma and grandpa. Have fun with family memories!

Matthew Peters Best-selling author, Academy Award-winning video producer, speaker, trainer, internet marketer and Founder of Expert Video Empire. Get a Free video series and mobile video guide on how to create pro-quality marketing & training videos that get more leads for your business at http://ExpertVideoEmpire.com/free

Shine Your Inner Peace on your Family and Friends

Subscribe now for a whole year $17.99 which includes 6 free issues

PEACE IN THOUGHTS

Chatter Relaxer Freedom from Fear By Tom Stoffel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnYVzgIRQys

Hey There! Hope you enjoyed the Chatter Relaxer video. In this season of sharing, perhaps you’d enjoy a gift to help reduce the stresses associated with, of all things, Gift Giving. While the traditional exchange of gifts is meant to be a time of sharing and gratitude, it sometimes get’s over-decorated with heavy, branch-bending ornaments like ‘expectation’, ‘anxiety’, and ‘disappointment’. You know, those underlying pressures of finding the perfect gift, and then waiting until opening day to see if you’ve made someone happy or not. Try these New Holiday gift ideas: http://feedingamerica.org/ http://www.oxfamamericaunwrapped.com/ http://gift.savethechildren.org/site/c.dvKSIbOSIlJcH/b.6885579/k.BFD5/Home.htm 19

To help set the tone, here is a poem. Perhaps for your fireside reading. Of giving of gifts. And gifts to give. Along with some tongue-in-cheek needling. Much to give thanks, This Season of Joy. Much more than most can aspire. A time to rejoice, Be merry be glad. Yet caught, we are, oft in desire. Of wanting to please, To please, to please. Everyone and All around us. Make each one happy, Becomes our fame. And that way they all still like us. To face such a fear, With Christmas so near, Is sometimes a delicate matter. Disappointment, you see, A sharp point indeed, An issue still stuck in our chatter. Who is to blame? Approval ~ The Game. Of taking and giving and take. Learn it so early, Keep ‘em all happy. To be good for my own goodness sake! You’re making a list, Checking it twice. I wonder if he’ll like the tie. Sad I will be, If not happy with me. It’s been that way all of my life.

This year can be different. A new way of seeing, The gifts that we give, And why we are giving. No approval to seek, Nor pleasing and pleasing. Cause that may still bring disappointment. Make them all happy? Really your job? Or is giving of more more important. If joy we are bringing, Give gifts of pure giving. Plant trees, buy wells, gift a goat. For a family in Haiti, or kids down the block. Avoid all the wrapping; red coat. For it’s love people want, And caring for others. Not toasters, more games, nor a trinket. Some food for the hungry, Brings a very nice smile. Under tree, come morning, with blanket. Much peace to you all, At this time of joy. May this rhyme and this verse ease you right. Fear ‘rose with a clatter’, You laughed at the chatter. Happy Christmas to all and Good Night.

Peace... and Love Always, Tommy “The Chatter Relaxer”

Tommy “Chatter Relaxer” Tommy "The Chatter Relaxer" helps you find true and lasting peace of mind -- A gift with amazing benefits. He shows what makes up the noise in our head and offers practical tools for relaxing that troublesome chatter -- For GOOD!!! www.PersonalPeaceTraining.com 20

PEACE IN TEACHING

Parents ARE Teachers Show, Ask & Teach Kids By Dr. Connie Hebert

All parents are teachers. In fact, most people don’t realize that WE are a child’s most important teachers in life because we lay the foundation for a lifetime of growth, experience, and discovery. Kids who are given daily opportunities to experience language, to build vocabulary, and to actively engage with others acquire a solid ‘bank’ of prior knowledge. This prior knowledge is similar to what we know as ‘software’ in a computer. The more prior knowledge a child has, the greater the ability to bring meaning to the written word. So what does this mean exactly? It means that as parents, we need to do everything possible to give kids a strong foundation that consists of prior knowledge, vocabulary, critical thinking, modeling, and daily opportunities to read and write. Here are some simple, inexpensive, and effective ways that you can encourage reading, writing, speaking, and listening at home:

" READ to your child. READ with your child. Let your child READ to you. " WRITE to your child. WRITE with your child. Let your child WRITE to you. " TALK about what you are thinking with your child. TALK about what you hear your child saying. Let your child TALK to you. " LISTEN to your child. Teach your child HOW to listen and follow directions. 21

Now here a few questions to ask yourself as you nurture the reader, writer, and thinker in your child:

• Does my child hold a pencil correctly

• How does my child feel about himself or

• Do I show my child what writing looks

(Pencil/pen resting on 3rd finger with thumb and pointer finger ‘pinching’ it.)

herself as a reader and writer?

like by writing to him/her daily?

• Do I read a variety of books and written

• Do we talk in the car?

materials to my child every day?

• Is my child able to discuss the cover and pictures in a book prior to reading?

• When my child reads do me, what does he/she do with words that are new or difficult?

• Is my child saying anything that his/her teacher should know (e.g., “These books are way too easy!” “I don’t like reading group…it’s boring.” “When can I read harder books?” “Why do I have to do this at night?” “I don’t get why we have to read books in class that we’re not interested in.” “Why do I have to go to that ‘other’ teacher for reading and writing every day?” “I don’t like to write . . . it’s boring and hard.”

• How does my child respond when asked questions about a story or when asked to retell a story we read together?

• Do we talk during meals? • Do I ask my child questions that require only a ‘yes or no’ answer? If so, how can I reword my questions so this doesn’t happen so often?

• Do I model good reading, writing, and thinking skills for my child every day? The most important thing to remember is we all learn by ‘doing.’ When children are exposed to environments where they can freely express themselves, share ideas through art, music, drama, and the written word, and use books to learn and grow, they become confident in their ability to READ, WRITE, and THINK independently. Are you a parent? If so, you are a teacher. Teach them well. Parent them well. Love them well. Then sit back and watch them soar!

Dr. Connie Hebert Dr. Connie is also an expert at helping parents engage with their kids at home. Her upcoming book, The Teachable Minute: The Secret to Raising Smart & Appreciative Kids, offer lots of suggestions for what to SHOW, ASK, & TEACH kids in 77 common places. Watch for it coming this February, 2013. Visit Connie at www.conniehebert.com

PEACE IN PERFORMANCE

Over or Under Achievers? Move Your Children to Solid Performance By Ken Christian, Ph.D. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf0BuZs9v8o

★ Does your bright, even gifted, child balk at keeping up with schoolwork? ★ Is homework turning out to be a battle? ★ Is she pulling away from things she used to enjoy? ★ Is he not performing like he once did? ★ Do you feel that nothing you've done so far has made a difference? ★ Are you worried these patterns turn into an underachieving adult? You're right to be concerned. You can do something now.

Kenneth W. Christian, Ph. D., is a licensed psychologist whose sole focus for the last twenty years has been helping individuals, parents, educators and organizations remove limitations and maximize potential. In 1990 he founded the Maximum Potential Project, in which by working with parents and kids he helped underachieving students make average improvements of .6 in GPA. In 2002 published Your Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Habit of Adult Underachievement ReganBooks, HarperCollins, 2002, (paperback 2004). He also authored with Dianne Hales An Invitation to Personal Change Wadsworth, Cengage Learning, 2009 and more than 50 articles. His work has been cited in Psychology Today, the Financial Times, Selling Power, Investors Business Daily and the Dallas Morning News, among others. Ken has been a university professor, private practice clinician, speaker, organizational consultant and program developer and has worked with incarcerated juveniles.

His team-building experience began as team leader of a multi-racial, multicultural, six-member team of community paraprofessionals (the team quickly became the highest-rated in the nation on all measures of performance related to goals); and later as coach for one season to his then ten-year-old daughter's softball team (which went all the way to the league championship game and unfortunately lost due to tragically impaired umpiring.) Through mentoring, training, and writing, Ken shares his passion, knowledge, and experience worldwide. He lived in Paris from 1999 to 2002, speaks French, and, with enough accompanying hand gestures, can find a good restaurant in Spanish

Ken Christian Contact: ken@maxpotential.com Visit: http://kenchristianonline.com Subscribe to my free newsletter, "Defying Gravity: Resources for Going Beyond the Next Level" at http://www.maxpotential.com 24

PEACE IN YOUR ROLE

How Parents Roles Change Over the Lives of their Children By Jill Greenbaum

As the holidays approach and families gather, it’s the perfect time to pause and reflect on our roles as parents in our teens’ lives. It’s a time for us to be asking, answering, and acting upon some foundational questions. REFLECTION What’s your role in your teen’s life? What a peculiar question! You’re her/his parent! Yet, what does that really mean? How do you live that role? Thinking about being a parent, when you have been one for almost two decades, is like thinking about the air we breath—we don’t really do it until we hit a snag. So with the hope of creating stronger relationships through reflection, let’s make time to quickly review our evolving history as parents. Perhaps you will even endeavor to draft a mission statement about your role as a parent. In the beginning... What was it like to be the parent of a baby? Remember the excitement, the questions, and the worries you had? How you reached out for help by talking with family, friends, and the pediatrician,

reading articles in magazines, the newspaper, and books? Who were you then, what was your role and your responsibilities? What were your ideas about parenting and being a parent? As your child became a toddler, and grew into the early years of elementary school, how did your child’s development influence and change your relationship with her? In what ways did you change the ways in which you provided support and opportunities for your son’s maturing mind and body? Did you talk with family and friends, or reach out to experts in the same way? 25

As time passed... In the early teen years, can you remember how you grew into different roles that encouraged and enabled your teen’s exploration of the world beyond home and school, adventuring into the community and the larger world, through going to camp, summer programs, work, or travel abroad? through going to camp, summer programs, work, or travel abroad? Did you begin to think about the connection you had with your young teen, and how to strengthen that relationship? Were there conversations among family and friends that went beyond how difficult the teen years were becoming for all involved? In the present... As you reflect on the middle and later teen years, how has your role evolved? How is your relationship different now than it was in all the earlier phases of your teen’s life? What are your feelings about your current relationship?

In the future... Preparing to enter college - even if it’s a year away - is a time of change and transition for both your teen and you. For all involved, it’s a time of anticipation, excitement, anxiety, confusion, imagining the future, short tempers - just a zillion different emotions! Where do you think you are in understanding the series of events that comprise the move from home to campus? Getting clear on your thoughts, feelings, questions, and concerns will help you become more aware and present during this time. Ultimately, it is a time of change, transition, possibility, and often, transformation. Imagine how you want the next few years to be in the life of your relationship with your teen... ACTION Here are some steps on the path to creating a mission statement, to refer to as you and your teen move into uncharted territory.

Throughout our children’s lives, we move from caretaker to manager to coach. My guess is that you’re more of a coach in your teen’s life - asking questions, having conversations, offering guidance and support when asked, nurturing independence and thoughtful decision making; such an approach gives you the opportunity to support your teen’s continuing personal development and creates the space to step into being a responsible young adult. Being a consistent, active, and loving parent is a challenge... and worth the effort. 26

What is your mission as a parent? One way to begin, is to assemble, reflect, sift and sort through your values, beliefs, and priorities to form a vision of how you want to live your role as a parent, developing a simple statement that will inspire and support you. What does having a personal mission or mission statement mean to you? It's a very personal vision of who you want to be and what you want to do, based on your values and principles. As you think more deeply, what are some of the elements of personal mission statements? By contemplating these components, you can begin to create a picture or a description of what is important to you. Envisioning who you want to be and what you want to do is the touchstone for developing your mission statement.

Several years ago when I sat down to create my mission statement, I thought of the many ways in which I wanted to live a full, happy life that honored my values and priorities, and called upon my strengths and talents. I imagined all the areas of my lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;self, family, friends, work, and contributions to others. I imagined all the areas of my life - self, family, friends, work, and contributions to others. When I think of living my mission, I focus on creating positive results in my life, being proactive, and envisioning new habits. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m now the parent of a young adult, and I have never written a mission statement focusing solely on my role as a parent... Yet I like the idea, as it gives me clarity about who I want to be in my daughterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life. Here is my draft, I hope you find it both interesting and thought-provoking. 27

My mission as a Parent

• • • • •

• •

•

• • •

•

Show my love for my daughter Listen deeply to what she is saying, thinking, and feeling Support her decision-making process Encourage her personal development Keep my own counsel/hold back advice unless asked for it—and remain “unattached” to whether my advice is used Understand mis-steps and difficulties as stepping stones to learning and future achievement Cherish the time that we have together—though nurture differing ideas and opinions as they are crucial to healthy dialogue and ever-evolving relationships Be/live my best self, and when I fall short, work to acknowledge that, repair any damage done, and move forward Be engaged, consistent, and kind Share my enthusiasm for life every day Share, as appropriate, the challenges that I face and the successes that I create, in my personal and professional lives Focus on who I want to be for myself, my family, and my community.

When you are ready, you may want to reflect on your values, beliefs and strengths, then develop several drafts, playing with ideas and experimenting with language until you craft a statement that feels right to you. What questions do you have about the process? Do you have a sense that you are on the right path to create your vision/ mission statement, or are you facing some hurdles, such as getting started or thinking “big”? If I can be helpful, please contact me.

In my role as a coach to teens and their parents, it’s my goal to challenge my clients and readers with questions, provide you with resources, stimulate you to take action, and support you in developing the results you desire knowing that change is both ambitious, exhilarating, demanding, sometimes daunting, and so very rewarding.

Dr. Jill Greenbaum Dr. Jill Greenbaum, a former teacher and parent of a college graduate, is an innovator in using visuals to coach teens and parents during the college search. Jill can be reached jill@majorinyou.com, and her website, www.majorinyou.com offer a wealth of resources for parents and teens.

PEACE IN NEW YEAR

3 Diet Myths That Keep You Stuck & Grouchy What To DO Instead By Gerilyn Burnett

This New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, how would you like to improve your health, waistline, and your sanity without sacrificing taste, time, or calories? In this video, I share the three biggest diet myths that keep you fatigued, stuck, and irritable, and what to eat instead for your best body and life in 2013. Diet Myth #1: Fat Makes You Fat Everyone has heard that eating fat causes you to gain weight, but unfortunately, this is the biggest diet myth of the 21st century. In fact, eating too little fat can cause nervous system issues, brain fog, and poor skin. Over the past 30 years Americans have successfully reduced their overall fat intake from about 38% of total calories to around 30% (1). Not only has this NOT reduced obesity, but heart disease, diabetes, and other preventable diseases have skyrocketed! High quality fats fill you up, keep you full longer, accelerate weight loss, and naturally decrease calorie intake.

Quality does count though. Instead of vegetable oils like canola oil, peanut oil, sunflower oil, and soybean oil, cook with a virgin coconut oil or ghee and drizzle olive oil on salads and vegetables after roasting. Diet Myth #2: More = Better Ever heard the phrase Eat Less, Move MORE? Jog more, do more repetitions, eat more veggies, eat more low-fat foods; these are all phrases used to help us get healthier, fitter, and leaner. Unfortunately, these are all myths! More exercise does not necessarily equal better results, which is GREAT news to parents who barely have time to eat in the morning, much less exercise for 30-60 minutes every single day! Quality exercise, like strength building exercises, can be performed for less time but more results when programmed appropriately. For a free one month bodyweight workout, check out the Full Body Blast on my website. 29

Lifting heavier weights, performing more total body exercises (e.g., squats, pushups, pull-ups), and increasing intensity allows my clients to exercise less (merely 30 minutes three times per week) and get fitter, leaner, more toned, AND with more energy than ever before! Diet Myth #3: You Should Eat Six Small Meals A Day for Weight Loss & Vibrant Health

Consuming a high quality fat with each meal ensures you stay full in between and no longer need to snack constantly. This not only saves you lots of time each day, but allows your body the rest it needs to heal throughout. In conclusion, the way we eat directly impacts parenting through its effects on energy, hunger, and mental clarity.

Eating six small meals a day for even energy sounds good, but this too, is a myth. Another win for parents who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have the time to plan out multiple meals and remember to take them every day!

Eating more fat, more high quality protein, and less refined carbohydrates takes you off the energy roller coaster and onto feeling energized, alert, and content throughout the day, allowing you to be more present, compassionate, and kind to your children.

Eating every 2-3 hours keeps insulin levels elevated throughout the day. Insulin is generally known as a storage hormone, which means when insulin is elevated our bodies are not using our fat stores for energy, but the food weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve just eaten.

Understanding major diet myths and how to eat instead remove you from the hamster wheel of health an onto a healthy life for you and everyone you with whom you come in contact.

Three meals a day, maybe four with a small snack, allows our body to rest and digest, improving our immunity, health, AND allowing our body to use fat for fuel instead of our most recent meal.

Sources: 1: NHANES, United States, 1971-2000, http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/ mmwrhtml/mm5304a3.htm

Gerilyn Burnett Gerilyn is a Nutrition & Fitness Expert passionate about sharing the power of real food to normalize weight, improve health, and boost energy, simply and naturally. For more free inspiration, go to www.GerilynBurnett.com. 30

PEACE IN NEW YEAR

New Years Transformation Without the Sacrifice By Gerilyn Burnett http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yllLm_-

Download your FREE one-month FULL BODY BLAST http://www.gerilynburnett.com/

November 2012, Issue 2

Journaling

P ARENT P RESENCE

Nutrition

HEALTH HOLIDAY FOR JOYFUL LIFE

Energize

WORKING MOTHERS

Stress Relief

Relationships SAVE YOURS NOW VIDEO SERIES

Energy Food

Impacting Generations for Change

IF IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE...

November 2012, Issue 2

CONTENTS COVER STORY

Impact Generations The Ripple of Change By Diana Dentinger

page # 6

FEATURES

Stress Relief for Working Mothers

page # 8

By Jackie Foskett

Energize Your Parenting Energize with Food

page # 12

By Gerilyn Burnett

Journaling Your Way to Parenting with Peace and Presence

page # 14

By Lynda Monk

Energize for Joy The 5 Minute Energy Routine

page #18

By Dr. Anne Deatly 33

November 2012, Issue 2

CONTENTS

Top 12 Nutrition Tips During the Holidays

page # 20

By Nancy Porter

Save Your Relationship Free Video Series

page # 23

By Diana Dentinger

If it Doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Make Sense Enthusiasm & Emotions to Motivate

page # 24

By Diana Dentinger

Life Skills in School Please Sign this Petition Now

page # 26

By Marlaine Paulsen Cover

Balance your Energy Share your inspirations on facebook

Reach out to our Contributors

page # 28

page # 29-30 34

FROM THE EDITOR

Dear Reader, This issue is all about how to live less stress, find more energy and become aware of your nutritional habits. “Stress” has become a very popular word to sum up when we allow our external conditions to unfavorably influence our mood, when we take on more than we can handle or simply when we don’t feel fulfilled! Sometimes it seems that people are fueled by stress, like they would lose out on life without it. Often I think that people prefer to keep it in their lives. Maybe it gives them a reason to be, or at least a reason to be active and involved in their life. Who knows, being stressed could just give them something to talk about with others to compare who is the most stressed. Have you ever heard one of those “competitive type” conversations? Instead of the ole exaggerated tale of who caught the biggest fish, now the stories are about stretching your stress level. Have you ever focused on feeling relaxed yet energized all day even if you were full of appointments or meetings or commitments? Have you ever tried just to go with the flow of things while being present and focused on the task at hand?

November 2012, Issue 2

It is really something you have to want... you have to want to experiment the difference in your “productivity” or “effectiveness” when you “decide” to define your day as stressful or when you define your day as energetic. Often we don’t see how easy it can be to switch out of a tense mode into a peaceful mode. With a healthier daily routine made of exercise, diet and emptying our thoughts, we can avoid falling into the trap of attracting stress. Follow the path that this month’s contributors propose. It includes simple and easy ways to regain “control” over your mental and physical states. As parents we role model to our children HOW we handle life. This is what our kids see. This is what they will imitate. And this is WHY we need to handle things better. For our children and for our children’s children.

Diana Dentinger Editor

Enjoy feeling newly energized! To your peaceful living, Diana 35

COVER STORY

Impact Generations Make a Ripple of Change By Diana Dentinger http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUsmFhJmSGI

At a recent event held in California inside Yosemite National Park, Diana Dentinger spoke about the “Art of Parenting”. What if all parents were “artistically” inspired by their own lives? What if their living inspired was the way to guarantee their children becoming happy, healthy, successful and fulfilled adults? Henry Ward Beecher said: “Every artist dips his brush in his own soul and paints his own nature into his pictures.” What are you as a parent painting into

your picture? How often do you dip your brush into your soul and paint a nature you are not proud of into your painting? How often do you paint that nature onto your children’s picture? Are your children dipping into their soul? Is their nature understood? Is their soul enough for you as a parent? Diana’s talk is part of the Ripple of Change project in which international messengers unite and commit to transforming lives and the world. 36

Our Parenting Challenges Caught up in our daily routines, often we parents don’t realize that what we do affects generations of people after us. Many of us now a days are stressed and overwhelmed by the pace of life, by the emotional upheaval of divorce, by difficult relationships or job insecurity. Obviously, many of us are looking for quick fixes to the issues we face while raising our children. We want a technique or an approach or a list of things to do... we want something to relieve the stress. But many of these things seem to simply sedate the artist in us all. We dull or numb ourselves or even turn ourselves off... to all the “beauty we have inside”. We follow what others have done or what they propose... we lose contact with who we are in our soul and in our nature. I use Art as a metaphor for parenting because both art and parenting are about emotions! A picture paints a thousand words because what it moves inside us can’t always be described. It is just felt. Parents are constantly “moved” by their children too, but often towards frustration, disappointment and anger rather than to real appreciation and love. Parents are often the worst “art critics”!

I use Art as a metaphor for parenting because both art and parenting are about perspective. It is how we chose to see things that can change the final result. When parents see their children for who they are, for the strengths and weaknesses of their nature, then they can chose a way to really support and nourish their children’s “soul”. The Art of Parenting for me is based on solid principles, not on a “To Do List”. The first Principle is that each child is a unique Work of Art. No one on this earth is a reproduction or a copy of anyone else. This means that you need to find unique and creative ways to raise each of your children. This is part of the challenge, but the advantages over time are worth it. Did you follow the “Paint by Numbers” example from the video? For as soft as all 3 of the Principles will seem, their power lies in the perspective they offer to you. Just think about how much energy, devotion, time and money are allotted to conserving and restoring the artistic masterpieces of the world. Do you dedicate the same energy to your children? Are they works of art for you? Do you dedicate the same energy to yourself? You too are a Masterpiece! Let’s continue to do a good job as parents, for ourselves, our children and for future generations.

Diana Dentinger Find out about her coaching programs for parents, especially of teens. Understand their nature so together you can make sensible choices for their future. Visit http://parentbynumbers.com/coaching/ 37

PEACE OF MIND

Stress Relief for Working Mothers By Jackie Foskett

Today, especially in the United States, most women with children are "working moms" who have either full or part time jobs, or own their own businesses, in addition to their full time jobs on the home front. Studies show, even though there may be a fair amount of help from "dad", the "mom" is still the main manager of keeping the family unit functioning with all its detailed operations. This requires a tremendous amount of physical, mental and emotional energy, which can drive even the most well intended mom bonkers. Articles abound in women's magazines, for these notoriously busy women, on how to "balance" it all out, indicating how really big this problem is. Yet, in spite of all this information, women are still feeling like they are ready to go bonkers and wondering why it has to be that way. This is an issue causing lots of stress for working moms, and is a common theme many of my women clients seek hypnotherapy, because

they want more balance in their lives, to feel good about themselves and get relief from the stress of being a working mom. They are ready for a "make-over" and have real balance, instead of being on the brink of tipping over. Do you need of a "make-over" in your balancing act? Tips to get started on your "make-overâ&#x20AC;? for a balanced life. Get relief and find some inner peace! 38

Did you answer “Yes” to any of these questions? • •

Feeling overwhelmed with so much to do? Finding yourself unproductive at work or at home?

• •

Feeling guilty because you take time away from your family to work? Consistently saying "there isn't enough time"?

• •

Having tension and/or pain in your neck and shoulders? Feeling inadequate with thoughts such as "why can't I do it all?"

•

Feeling resentful of not having alone time?

• •

Missing your "women" get-together times? Always tired?

• •

Too tired to get any activity in? Wondering "is this it"?

Take care of yourself

Stay Connected

You have to start here. Yes, you are very busy and if you don't take care of yourself first, you will not have the energy and focus required to be your best for your work and your children. Take as good care of yourself as you would your children: get plenty of sleep, eat healthy, and get in some activity. Activity releases stress easily and so does fun, so combine the two, maybe even with children. Do something active and fun and you'll feel so much better.

Staying connected to your children is as vital as setting healthy boundaries. Staying strongly connected to your children keeps the stress levels down, as it feels good emotionally for moms, kids and partners alike. For example, instead of running in from work to immediately start cooking dinner, take time to stop, talk to your children, and find out how their day was. It will provide a break from rushing about and give everyone a chance to connect to one another. Doesn't that feel better?

Set healthy boundaries The desire to do their best in their many roles as mother, worker and partner, can leave many women feeling they can never say no. This is exhausting and dilutes the engagement and enjoyment of all of these roles. Instead, create healthy boundaries. Exercise the "NO" muscle to requests that aren't vital to your family and success. Say "YES" only to those things that are in alignment with self care, family and work priorities.

Focus on Stress Relief Working moms need to be proactive in managing their stresses. They need a toolbox of stress relief methods to quickly access, as well as ones to use consistently and build up, what I call, the "calm fund". Whether it's for a child's meltdown or a disagreeable co-worker, having and using stress relievers regularly will condition the mind and body to respond in more healthy ways.

Quick stress relievers: • Use your breath. Take 2-3 deep breaths. This allows to release tension quickly and to rise above the knee jerk reactive mode. • Reframe the situation. Find another way of thinking about it that feels better. Use the breath first, then ascend the thought ladder, working up to better and better thoughts.

By being proactive in the desire to be less stressed and driven bonkers, working moms can really achieve balance in all aspects of their lives. Ultimately, this inner peace that moms gift themselves, not only impacts them, but the entire family unit, as well as the community in which she resides and works.

• Move your body. Stretch or walk away for a few minutes when appropriate. Walk at lunchtime to release the negative conversations jumping around in your head. Long term stress relievers to invest in your inner calm reserve: • Do a daily mediation or self hypnosis practice. • Exercise regularly. • Keep a gratitude journal. This allows you to be present to what is great and positive in your life! • Keep a success journal. Focus on your successes really feels good! • Get regular massages.

Free teleseminar coming on Monday, October 29th, 2012 Break the Habit of Stress - Get Relief NOW

For more information on stress relief, visit my website below. To set up a consultation with me just email or phone.

Jackie Foskett Jackie Foskett, Stress Relief Specialist, owner of Healing Hypnotherapy, guides her clients in using their powerful minds to release their stress and connect back to their joy and and happiness. 425-227-8210 http://www.HealingHypnotherapy.com JackieFoskett@comcast.net

PEACE IN FOOD

Energize your Parenting with Food By Gerilyn Burnett http://www.gerilynburnett.com/

How do you live healthy without a huge time commitment? Do you live life cranky and tired? Is that just part of being a parent? Is it possible to eat delicious food, enjoy your meals, and lose weight? How does food affect your mood, feelings... and ability to be present with your kid(s)? The answers are in this video. You’ll learn a simple food formula that makes healthy eating a breeze in any situation. After the video, join in the conversation by leaving a comment here! Gerilyn Burnett Only 15 days after applying this formula, Dawna writes, “I am down 9.4 lbs, wearing jeans I haven’t fit into for 2 years. There’s a definite noticeable change in my body because everyone in my daily life is noticing. Something clicked this time with clean eating. As one diagnosed with Narcolepsy, I find my energy throughout the day is MUCH better. I’m more present with my family because I’m not sleeping all the time. I’m stronger than I’ve been in 2 years since having back surgery. Life changing! Thank you Gerilyn!” 41

PEACE IN WRITING

Journaling Your Way to Parenting with Peace & Presence By Lynda Monk, MSW, RSW, CPCC, Mother of 2

A short time ago, I had just finished reading stories and tucking my little guys in for the night (Jackson, age 7, and Jesse, age 5). I said to Jesse, "Thank you for being my son." He said, "You're welcome." There was a long silence. He then said, "I dreamed of having a Mommy like you and I got it." I lay quietly beside him on his bottom bunk bed while he drifted off to sleep. My heart filled with complete joy and gratitude, for the moment and for the gift of being his mother. As all parents know, there are moments filled with pure joy and there are also moments that can leave us feeling like running away from home! Parenting is not for the weak of heart. It is a job, that in order to be done well, requires our self-awareness, compassion, kindness, patience, understanding, love and presence. Inner peace parenting can feel like an oxymoron or a good idea on paper, especially if we are standing in the deep end of fatigue, tantrums, hungry kids with nothing ready for dinner yet,

a sibling squabble that is about to go sideways, the phone ringing, someone at the door, a demanding career nipping at our ankles, the wet laundry still in the machine from two days ago, a friend who is upset that we missed her birthday, and lunch bags waiting to be rinsed for the next day â&#x20AC;&#x201C; inner peace can feel like it belongs to someone else, anyone else, but you or me. The truth is that inner peace isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t something we go after when all the toys are put away, the kids are in bed and the laundry is changed over. Peace is a way of being. Inner peace is, well, inner. It is already within us, we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to search for it or go after it...

we simply have to allow inner peace some space to rise up from within. You don’t have to go to a mountain top or attend a month long silent retreat to replenish within (although those things might be nice!), rather we have to find ways to cultivate solitude, stillness and silence (and help our children to experience these things too) in the midst of the ordinary moments of daily life in order to renew in mind, body, heart and spirit. Journaling helps you access these healing qualities of solitude, stillness and silence, even briefly in the midst of it all, so that you can hear your own thinking and nourish your soul as a parent. Journaling is my favourite way to easily and quickly tap into my feelings of inner peace while juggling the many elements of my life – being a wife, a mother, a daughter to aging parents, an entrepreneur with two businesses etc. Journaling helps me find my way home within myself and it allows me to be more fully present in the moment, which brings feelings of calm and manageability even in the most overwhelming situations. I simply take a deep breath in and exhale, grab my journal and take five minutes (or more on a good day) to get grounded and centered. For me, journaling is like meditating with a pen in my hand. I can hear the sound of my own life being lived. I hear the sound of my .05 mm Pilot pen against the white, unlined 20 pound paper in my 8.5 by 11 inch, unlined, spiral bound journal.

I can hear the sound of my breath. I can hear the sound of this one moment and the next. This mindfulness and awareness supports me and helps me open the door to inner peace within. If I don’t have time to write in my journal, I know that is the perfect time for the five minute journal entry. Or two minutes, if that is all the time I can steal between running my son’s bath and putting the dishes in the dishwasher. “Sometimes one doesn’t have time to write. In fact most of the time we don’t have time to write. Most of the time we do not have time to be with ourselves. And when that happens, it is time for the five-minute journal entry.” B.N. Holzer, Author of A Walk Between Heaven and Earth, A Personal Journal on Writing and the Creative Process Research shows that you do not have to write for a long time to experience the healing benefits of expressive writing (writing about your thoughts and feelings).

Here are six soulful journaling exercises for your own inner peace journey on the page 1. Connect with your strengths Journal for ten minutes about all of your strengths as a parent. Notice how it feels to write about all you are doing well, about the gifts and strengths you bring to your family and to being a parent. If you get stuck, simply start the next sentence in your journal with the following: One of my strengths as a parent is ______ (fill in the blank).

4. Capture the ordinary moments It can be fun to create a family journal where you write down your highs and lows from the day. We do a round of sharing our highs and lows at most dinner time meals. We all love it and it is a way to hear about each other’s days. Sometimes I write down what everyone shared as a way to capture the ordinary moments of daily life, as little sound bites to share as memories someday when we might be looking back. The boys love telling me what to write in “our” journal! Journaling can be a family experience.

2. Experience joy Pick 5 recent moments, as a parent, that brought you joy. Write them down. Then pick one of these moments and describe it in as much detail as you can. Notice what it feels like to write about your joy. How can you create more joyful moments in your life, in your family? 3. Shift perspective Think of a parenting challenge you might be having at the moment and write about it from the perspective of your child. For example, my 7 year-old-son, Jackson was recently having a hard time because one of his closest friends was moving away and starting a new school. I wrote in my journal from the perspective of being a 7 year-old boy losing my best friend. This helped me access feelings of empathy for Jackson and support him wholeheartedly with this loss and transition in his life.

5. Process difficult emotions Your journal is also a place to sort out challenges, make difficult decisions and express painful emotions. A journal can offer you healing, renewal and catharsis. By getting your feelings down on paper it can serve as an emotional purging or release which is a lot healthier than bottling up stressful feelings inside. When we can release, let go and/or process difficult emotions this clears the way for us to be more present, mindful and happier as parents and as human beings. 44

6. Express your gratitude What we focus on grows. Your journal can be a powerful place to manifest more of what you want in your life, by giving thanks, often, for what you already have. You can simply list 3-5 things you are grateful for from your day. For example, today I am grateful for…the sunshine, taking the boys to ride their bikes at the school, my husband making us a yummy dinner, a spontaneous conversation with my friend, and a phone call with my Mom (hearing that she and my Dad had a good day is always special given my Dad’s decline with Alzheimer’s disease). I am also grateful for having the opportunity to write this article for you. Journaling is a creative act. Let your imagination, your needs and your heart lead the way. Anything you write is right!

Try it yourself Relax. Write. Reflect. Renew. Journaling can help you feel clear and calm in the midst of it all. Self-care and personal renewal are among the best gifts we can give to our children. We teach them the importance of selfcare, by showing them how we care for ourselves, while we also care for them. We teach them about inner peace by being peaceful. We teach our children they are worthy, in part, by remembering our own worth. Journaling helps you remember that you are enough. Journaling is a self-caring act. May you experience the healing and transformational power of writing for yourself so that you can enjoy the heart and soul of inner peace parenting. You deserve it!

Lynda Monk Lynda Monk, MSW, RSW, CPCC is a Writing for Wellness Coach + Speaker serving the personal growth, self-care and inspiration needs of people who make a difference. http://creativewellnessworks.com 45

PEACE WITH ENERGY

Energize for Joy The 5 Minute Energy Routine - Part 1 By Dr. Anne Deatly

h"p://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4SA5Wn9rPg

My goal is to show people how to revitalize their life and radiate joy! Energy medicine, the future of medicine, activates the bodyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s natural healing and energy balancing system techniques to facilitate renewal and transformation of body, mind, and spirit. Programs are designed to provide new opportunities for growth and personal development, healthy lifestyle, positive mental attitude, increased success potential, a life filled with joy, peace and harmony. I am known as the Radiant Energy Doctor, and I am a radio talk show host of Energy Medicine and Optimal Health on VoiceAmericaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Health and Wellness channel. I was selected as one of the original messengers at the Messenger Summit in San Diego, March 2012. Here I am together with Diana Dentinger in Yosemite National Park during the Messenger Summit, October 2012. 46

Part 2 and Part 3

h"p://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPLo3Vs8Tjg

h"p://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbXYona9Mmw

Dr. Anne Deatly Previously a Principal Research Scientist in Vaccine Research at Pfizer, she changed careers in 2012 and is now a certified Eden Energy Medicine practitioner, teacher, and inspirational speaker. Director of Optimal Health and Wellness Center, she focuses on holistic health and energy balancing, positive inspiration, and spiritual coaching. Visit www.energizeforjoy.com

PEACE IN NUTRITION

Top 12 Nutrition Tips During the Holidays By Nancy Porter, MS

The months of November and December seem to be extra hectic. Have you ever thought about how much of that time seems to revolve around food? What foods are part of your holiday meals? Do you make fudge, candy, breads and cookies for gifts? Do you host a holiday party? Are family members involved in preparing food? Nutrition, exercise and adequate sleep are vital parts of maintaining our health, wellness and sanity, but it can be a huge challenge when weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re so busy. Nutrition by Nancy has compiled the Top 12 tips to help maintain good nutrition in the midst of a hectic time. 1. Plan your meals To avoid eating cookies for lunch, make a list of quick meals and post on the refrigerator or inside a cabinet. Actually write your list; meal ideas tend to get lost when just kept in the head. Some ideas for quick meals? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s very handy to have some frozen vegetables, a chicken breast, and some teriyaki sauce on hand for making a quick stir fry.

You could make quick barbecue wraps by stir frying onions, green peppers, cabbage, a couple cans of pinto beans and barbecue sauce, then wrapping with a tortilla. Omelets or scrambled eggs with onions, peppers, eggs and a little cheese are fast. Soups can also be quick and satisfying. One quick soup can be made by combining a couple packages of frozen vegetables with some chicken broth, turkey pieces and a little curry powder and pepper. 2. Cook ahead Concoct a big pot of soup, stew or chili. If making a casserole, prepare a double batch and freeze. Having extras stored in the freezer is wonderful for family meals or to feed sudden company.

3. Store a quick-treat tray in the refrigerator Put a variety of chopped vegetables onto a small shallow dish. When you (or your kids) get hungry, it’s easy to take a few veggies and it’s much more nutritious than taking a few cookies. A fruit tray is another tasty, nutritious idea to alternate with the veggie tray. 4. Cook smart Do you really need to make 20 loaves of banana bread or 5 different kinds of biscotti? Instead of making full-size loaves of bread, get some mini loaf pans and make small loaves. (Batter for one large loaf of bread can usually make three small loaves and will cook in less time.) If you like to have lots of cookies, host a cookie party. You would bake several dozen of one type of cookie, friends would each bring several dozen, and everyone would go home with a variety of cookies and memories of a fun gathering. Or, you could give nutritious food, like a container of soup or a vegetable dish instead of the cookies and sweets.

6. Take time to sit down and eat The downtime is vital in maintaining sanity as well as helping get adequate nutrients. Studies show people eat less calories and have better nutrient intake when they sit down to eat, as opposed to eating on the run or just standing at the kitchen counter. 7. Re-do recipes Instead of topping desserts with whipped cream, have you used vanilla Greek yogurt? You can also use Greek yogurt in place of sour cream in dips. Instead of using cream in a cooked recipe, you can substitute canned evaporated skim milk for fewer calories. But please stay away from sugar substitutes in your baked goods. Many sugar substitutes raise blood sugar levels and affect brain chemistry. For sweets, cut them into small samplesized pieces or make extra-small cookies. Make “small-sizing” your alternative to super-sizing and over-consumption.

5. Make cooking a family activity Give your family the gift of knowledge, friendship and traditions by cooking together. More than 80% of the population learns by doing. Teach children how to cook from the time they’re little. Children are more likely to eat the food when they’ve helped make it. Families could cook together every night. Or, if that just seems like too much, plan a weekly family meal where everyone contributes to the meal preparation and cleanup. Vary the tasks for everyone each week.

8. Focus on Whole Plant-based Foods For adequate nutrients, at least ½ of the food we eat should be fruits and vegetables. A total of ¾ of the plate should be plant-based – vegetables, fruits and grains. Meat should be the side-dish, if you eat meat at all. Take advantage of in-season vegetables, cooking extra winter squash, freezing it, then serving through the year. Green beans would be more nutritious steamed (and maybe served with some sliced almonds) than as the rich, traditional green bean casserole. 49

9. Start new traditions that don’t revolve around food Instead of giving candy, make a donation to your local food bank or low-income meal program. Collect gifts for seniors in a care home and go visit with them. Your family could go together and help serve a meal at a shelter. Or talk with a school for the homeless and see how you and your kids can help. A heads-up, though: Make sure you talk to the organization before putting together a donation plan. 10. Eat before the party Instead of being starved when you get to the party and over-eating dips, fried appetizers and other foods, eat a salad or light dinner before the event. 11. Maintain a regular schedule Many people think it’s all the sugary treats that cause hyperactivity, but sugar winds some children up while other children calm down. Studies show other factors are extremely important, such as a lack of nutrients like iron, lack of exercise, lack of sleep, and overstimulation. Feeding a variety of nutritious food and maintaining a routine

that also includes adequate sleep and exercise is vitally important for more peaceful holidays. 12. Everything with Moderation and Balance If you want a brownie, have one. Just don’t eat the entire pan. Enjoy some of the treats of the season, but balance those goodies with fresh foods. Don’t stress to make the perfect holiday of movies and dreams. Balance the cooking with spending fun time with family and friends, and taking some rejuvenating time for yourself. The holidays are a time to focus on peace and kindness. Be kind to yourself and your family by eating nutritiously. Reduce or change the focus on activities around food during this time of year. And, make sure to exercise and get enough sleep.

Nancy Porter Owner/CEO of Nutrition by Nancy, a professional full-service nutrition consulting firm. Nancy has been featured nationally on TV, radio and print for nutrition tips, diet analysis and menu planning services, and tasty nutrition cooking parties. www.NutritionbyNancy.com

PEACE WITH SENSES

If it Doesn’t Make Sense? Enthusiasm & Emotions to Motivate By Diana Dentinger

This is a continuation of the article written for the October premier issue entitled “The Only 3 Things You Must Give Your Children.” These 3 Things are a Sense of Person, Sense of Purpose and Sense of Potential. What is “sense”? Is it just “meaning”? Think about your 5 senses and the faculties of sight, taste, smell, hearing and touch. You use each of these to make sense out of life too! For your sense of sight, it might “make sense” to improve the beauty of your dining room table before a dinner party by placing a vase of fresh cut flowers in the middle. For your sense of smell, to pull the cake out of the oven when your nose catches a hint of burning. For your sense of touch, to take the tangles out of your daughter’s long hair so her brush can run smoothly through it before she goes to school. For your sense of hearing, it might make sense to turn down the volume on the TV if someone is busy studying for a test. For your sense of taste, to throw out the spoiled milk so no one uses it for cereal.

It would be of sound and practical judgement to do what your senses picked up in the previous examples. What is it that really makes sense? Is it only our common sense, rationality, coherency or logic? No, it’s our emotions and their impact! The smell of the burning cake brings on “fear” and that moves you to act... fast! So when we use each of our 5 sense then another sense is triggered: and this sense is our feelings-emotions-sentiments. You “feel” joy having the flowers on the table and you feel tenderness caring for your daughter’s hair. We do not act unless there is an emotion. Emotions can be fear or love based.

The emotion we feel when we do something gives us the “WHY” we do it. It could be for personal gratification because feeling good feels good!!! When you get this concept then parenting is so much easier! And when you understand that emotions are subjective, then you really get it! But what happens in the parent child relationship is that often parents rely on a logical explanation to get their kids to do things. How many times have you heard a parent ask their children to clean their rooms because “in that mess you will never find anything”. And how many times have you heard the children answer: “I can find my stuff in my mess and I like it like that.” So here we are at a dead end. The parents feel powerless that they can’t motivate their children to do what “they want” so they go down the “threat path” with: “Well if your room isn’t picked up by this afternoon then you have to stay in.” This is the nonsense approach because... It Did Not Make Sense! Remember, to make sense you use the 5 senses and feelings! Another thing to remember, is that what makes sense to you, will not necessarily make sense to another person. Find your kid’s Sense!

Take the simple example of your dinner party: Your feeling of joy for seeing the flowers might not be understood by one of your guests if the smell brings on her allergies. This just shows how important it is to become aware of what makes sense to you and why. There is no right or wrong. Some people might call it emotional intelligence, but I like calling it “making sense”. Once you make sense of what you perceive and what you feel then you live more fully. I call it understanding the SEED of Life. The first part of the sequence is to make Sense and that will lead to inner Enthusiasm, that will cause an increase in Energy that will finally lead to a Display of something tangible. I especially use this SEED sequence when “Coaching by Numbers”. You can feel the sense of your own number descriptions. For a 17 it makes sense to be generous, for a 4 to take the lead, for a 7 to multitask. So live coherently and enthusiastically who you are! Allow your children the same... and help them make sense soon to give them the SEED for happiness in their lives.

Diana Dentinger Find out about her coaching programs for parents, to be able to make sense of why your family members do what they do. It is a game changer! Visit http://parentbynumbers.com/ 52

PEACE IN LIFE

Reading, Writing & ... Interpersonal Communication Skills! By Marlaine Paulsen Cover

Ok, I know, this title does not roll off the tongue as easily as the three R's, but does that mean we ought to ignore it entirely? Societies around the world spend decades teaching children reading, writing and arithmetic. When it comes to the mandatory assignment of interpersonal communication, however, we simply say "children learn what they live." Why? When children struggle in school absent proactive, quality education by third party instructors, we do something even worse - we label and punish children for skills they have never learned. Is it any wonder that adults - whether in boardrooms or in bedrooms - also call one another names and engage in punitive behavior? I obtained an undergraduate degree in communications and not one class focused on interpersonal communication skills. The only place people learned those skills were in the medical, social services, or enforcement fields.

In other words, we routinely prepare adults to deal with crisis in communication skills but we do not empower all children with skills for avoiding crisis in the first place. Why? At what cost? While you are calculating take care not to limit yourself solely to the costs of conflict on the planet. Remember to factor in also the loss of opportunity and achievements that might otherwise be realized if children, teens and adults learned to communicate with one another more peaceably. 53

As a Social Entrepreneur I am sensitive to the fact that "everyone" points to schools for change rather than looking in the mirror. So I typically work to empower parents and communities where the Educator/ Student ratio is lower , but here's the deal. It is tough to duplicate the richness of human perspectives and personalities available to children in school settings. Is it really wise to waste such fertile soil? Gardener extraordinaire though I am not - in fact I recently suffered a brutal loss to gophers - me thinketh not. I also know I am not alone in my perspectives. The challenge, however, is getting everyone who cares about such issues to sing in harmony - absent this we merely exacerbate the very problem we wish to resolve.

Although this initial one is for public schools in Canada and the US, once we succeed, we will be signing petitions for change in yours schools as well. By linking arms, we can in fact â&#x20AC;&#x153;Be The Change the World Awaitsâ&#x20AC;?. Many voices singing in unison make for a powerful choir. Please join me today and heed the call, the hour to link arms and take action has arrived.

To keep things simple, I started a petition on Change.org.

Click here to be redirected to the petition and sign NOW on Change.org.

If you share my - and Maya Angelou's belief that when children know better they will do better please sign and share our petition today.

Remember to share the link to everyone you know. Our goal is to have 1 million signatures by the end of 2012. You are called on now to heed the call!

Marlaine Paulsen Cover Creator of the Life Skills Report Card, Author of Kissing the Mirror: Raising Humanity in the Twenty-first Century, and Founder of the Parenting 2.0 Social Consciousness movement. http://parenting2pt0.org

September 2012, Issue 1

Bullying GIVE LOVE

Communication L IFE S KILLS AT S CHOOL NEW DREAM

Autism O RGANIZE N OW

Messy Home Allow Grief

F IND Y OURSELF ME YOU US

Language

The Only 3 Things You Must Give Your Child

WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW...

September 2012, Issue 1

CONTENTS COVER STORY

The Only 3 Things You Must Give Your Child By Diana Dentinger

page # 6

FEATURES

You, Me, Us How to Communicate to Improve Your Relationships

page # 10

By Laura Fobler

This House is a Mess Clutter Robs Parents of Peace of Mind

page # 14

By Bev Sullivan

If Your Child is a Bully? Kindness is the Rule at Home and School

page # 16

By Juliette Miles

Cultivating Conscious Children Is Like Cultivating Olive Trees

page # 19

By Diana Dentinger 56

September 2012, Issue 1

CONTENTS

Dream Shifting Finding Inner Peace Parenting a Special Needs Child

page # 20

By Siobhan Wilcox

Life Skills in School Please Sign this Petition Now!

page # 23

By Marlaine Paulsen Cover

We Lose Who We Are If We Don’t Allow Ourselves to Feel Grief

page # 24

By Debbie Rosenfelt

What You Don’t Know Hurts and Drives You Crazy

page # 27

By Diana Dentinger

Peaceful Parenting Program For Peace in Future Generations

page # 29

By Diana Dentinger

Reach out to our Contributors page # 31-32 57

FROM THE EDITOR

Dear Reader, Welcome to this premier edition! I am so happy to offer you these articles, written by real people like you, normal folks who face the demands of daily life while raising their own or caring for other’s children. All of them have gone through major life events but still each one is committed to living in a state of serenity. Their heart felt stories will help your rise above your situation to find within yourself that place of peace. Today most parents feel very stressed. They don’t have enough time to balance home, family and work. They are concerned about their finances. Their relationships are strained. They feel unfulfilled. What most parents want is happiness and peace of mind. Parents love their children, but they’re often filled with doubts and uncertainty so they become ineffective. Parents love their children, each one in their own different way, but often they are so consumed by stress that they’re not able to maintain a healthy approach or attitude while parenting. It is amazing how many families live arguing, yelling and hating daily. So, really, where is the love?

September 2012, Issue 1

FEEDBACK Your feedback is welcome. This is your magazine too. Let us know what would help you find inner peace in parenting your children. Contact Inner Peace Parenting Magazine

Copyright 2012 Diana Dentinger The Inner Peace Parenting Project Sviluppo CCT sas - Italy All rights reserved under the International and Pan American Copyright Conventions. Reproduction in whole or part is prohibited without written permission from the publisher. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the unsolicited materials.

Now is the time we hold each other to our highest and commit to living in “peace” as parents. It’s too easy to live angry, worried, anxious, fearful, or guilty about our different life circumstances. It’s time that we adults get this, especially since we are the role models for the younger generations! A peaceful attitude allows us to find solutions to our struggles. All we need sometimes are a few simple tips to move beyond our own “stuff” and some tips about how to raise our children better. Learning a few simple techniques and peaceful ways for how to communicate, for how to handle the unexpected and even for how to take care of your home, can change your day! You transcend one difficulty at a time and the quality of your life really improves. That is what this magazine is all about, offering practical step by step solutions to the little and big things that upset parent’s serenity. If each of us lives inner peace, we can impact our family, community, country and finally our whole world so it is a more peaceful place to live. Challenge yourself today!

Diana Dentinger Editor

COVER STORY

The Only 3 Things You Must Give Your Children By Diana Dentinger

Imagine not needing to shop around looking for what to give your kids! What would that be like for you? Think about it, not having to get in your car, drive all the way to the toy store, spend time choosing the latest, funnest or most educational past time. Not having to go to the shopping mall looking for the most fashionable clothes to buy them. Not having to search for and buy lots of other stuff online. Imagine, not even needing to spend your time in the van on weekends car-pooling them around to sport’s practices and games. Imagine this one! Not needing to save to give them a college education! Sure, without giving all the stuff above, it would seem like you weren’t doing anything as a parent! But if you haven’t given them the 3 most important things, you have only wasted your money and your time on all the rest!

If you are like most parents, you really love your kids and you really want to give them the best! Giving is part of a parent’s role: giving love, food and shelter, protection, education, manners, values, experience, opportunities... some of which are tangible goods and other ones intangible. But the “giving” I am talking about in this article is more similar to “transmitting”. It’s NOT about giving them material things. It’s about giving them a “message” about themselves. Or rather, from the “messages” they send you, how you can decipher them. 59

For the past 20 years, I have been a company Trainer and a personal growth Coach while raising our 4 kids. These “3 Important Things” to give your child come from all the experience I have training professionals; adults working in customer service, as sales reps, middle managers and executives in successful multinationals. At the beginning of the Company courses, I usually ask the participants to turn to the person next to them and talk about themselves and their top 10 traits. And what I find almost 100% of the time... Most adults can’t describe themselves confidently with 10 positive adjectives! Either they’re not aware of them on a conscious level, or they are embarrassed to share the information, or they don’t have the vocabulary. My “research” confirms that too many adults don’t know who they are! They just go through the motions of life. Most adults identify themselves with a role, so they ARE their TITLE or they are what they studied, SO they are a NOUN. Nouns, as words, don’t motivate or inspire. If I say “sunset”, you will see one in your mind. But until I add adjectives to describe the sunset... a beautiful, romantic sunset... you aren’t imagining emotionally. Since many adults-parents don’t know how to describe themselves, they don’t even have the ability to describe their children and support them in being and becoming! On a “good day” parents commonly describe their child as: “What a nice girl,

What a good boy.” Of course, on a “bad day” out comes: “What a stupid boy, What a lazy girl.” Are your kids really only that? Aren’t they so much more? So the FIRST important thing to give your children is: A SENSE OF PERSON You, their parent, must be able to see WHO they are and HOW they are. (Ever notice that “who” and “how” are made of the same letters?) How do you see them? How do you describe them? Take a moment now to think of their top 10 qualities - traits. How you see your kids influences their Self Image. Self Image is the foundation of everything in life. We always act and think coherently with our self image. Do you see their uniqueness as a person? Do you transmit the importance of your kids being “themselves”? Do you have conversations about each of the family member’s gifts? It’s not the material gifts you buy or receive, but the unique inner gifts that make each of you special. What are the unique inner gifts of each family member? Make a list now.

As human beings, we all, somewhere in our mind and in sometime of our life, ask ourselves: “Who am I”. Philosophers dedicated their lives to finding answers to this troublesome human enigma. The simplest, yet most profound question - answer was: “To be, or not to be”! So, who are you, who are your kids? Start expanding your vocabulary to find rich, descriptive, moving adjectives! But as humans we also ask ourselves: “Why am I here?”

For example, they propose to BE generous, TAKE toys to a local orphanage to help children who have less. Think about this for a minute: Have you ever been with children who are always asking and wanting? Who seem eternally “unsatisfiable”? Who are only happy when they receive? Who only smile at you when they get? Or who are bored with what they have?

So the SECOND most important thing to give to your children is: A SENSE OF PURPOSE Children must feel that that their presence, and that being themselves, influences and impacts the people and things around them. Their purpose is not to eat everything on their plate, clean their rooms, get good grades, learn how to play tennis... these are skills that they can acquire. Their purpose is to use their inborn gifts to improve the world around them. Families need to have the habit of talking about these things (in compliments and not criticisms), and about how being their best selves positively impacts others. Parents can start by talking about themselves, their different ways of “being” generous, determined, kind, sociable, reflexive, cooperative, honest, confident, patient (examples of adjectives), about how they act when they are this way, about what they DO exactly, and about how this brings them an inner feeling of happiness and fulfillment. You know you have done a great job as a parent when your kids spontaneously suggest to BE a certain way to DO.

It’s because they don’t have a Sense of Person and a Sense of Purpose! They need to have things, because having makes them feel valuable. It gives them self worth. They identify with what they HAVE instead of with who they ARE. Sure they smile, but it doesn’t last long, or it’s just to get your credit card... Instead, have you ever noticed the smile of the children who are thrilled to make a difference? It could be in fulfilling their own life dream and spending their time drawing, inventing, writing, playing music, etc or in using their natural ability to enrich the lives of others. When kids and teens are connected to their Sense of Person and Sense of Purpose, they won’t have to go through what way too many adults do.

Can we say it out loud? It’s called mid-life crisis! The crisis is all about identity and self image. Those adults never nourished, accepted nor supported who and how they are. So after 40 or 50 years of life they feel an inner need to finally reconnect with themselves. Of course depression in young people is the rise... it’s the same root cause: Person-Purpose.

Some parents are even stuck in the dynamics of “wanting for their children” instead of asking their children “what they want for themselves”. If you listen and observe well, kids tell and show you everything about themselves by age 5. Your job is just to watch their “story” unfold and be there to support them through the challenges. Your job is to ask!

Can’t life be easier? If parents give these “things”to their children, they become fortunate people... and these are things credit cards can’t buy! There is a cost for parents though. They have to dare to have conversations about “being” and about inner gifts; not just about having or appearing externally.

Your job is to help them see more clearly their story so they find ways to get to their happy ending... which can be ending each day happily for a problem solved, a new skill acquired, a new approach that worked, a new failure not to repeat, for an attempt at being better and doing better based on WHO they are.

On to the THIRD most important thing to give to your children:

When you stifle what your kids see for themselves, or when you expect things from them that are not coherent with WHO they are, they turn you and often themselves off! Have you ever seen unmotivated children?

SENSE OF POTENTIAL Once your kids feel their gifts, strengths, qualities and talents... then they can use these to buffer their weaknesses. Now more than ever, we are living in a “disposable” society in which we throw so much away. We live in an instant gratification society. We want things fast and easy. Fewer people today are willing to work at something to get better. People waste their potential because it takes time and practice to be and do better. Look at the doping that goes on in sports!

Their life doesn’t make sense if they aren’t living in their Sense of Person, Purpose and Potential. The same is true for you too! Give these 3 gifts to your children today! There will be more about “The Only 3 Things You Must Give Your Children” in each monthly issue of the Inner Peace Parenting Magazine.

Diana Dentinger Find out about her coaching programs for parents, especially of teens. Understand your teen’s talents so you can make sensible choices for their future. Visit http://parentbynumbers.com/coaching/ 62

PEACE IN TALKING

You, Me, Us How to Communicate to Improve your Relationships By Laura Fobler

Have you even been in a situation where you told your kids what to do, and instead of obeying, they kept the discussion going why they shouldn’t do it? I often hear parents tell their children something like: “Put on your scarf and your gloves please.” When their child asks: “Why?” The parent responds: “Because it’s cold!” If the child is not feeling cold, this simple remark may be the start of an ongoing discussion: “I don’t think it’s cold.” “It IS cold!” “No, it’s NOT!’ ... I know for sure that many parents are unaware of the fact that what is making them say these words to their child is the fact that they themselves are feeling cold!

communication. And this, I can tell you, often causes confusion, frustration or miscommunication.

In this case, their own sensation (feeling cold) and the assumed sensation of the child (feeling cold) are mixed up. This confuses the child, resulting in the child starting the discussion: “It’s not cold at all. What do you mean? In fact, I’m HOT!”

Our first language is what I call MElanguage, a language in which you talk about yourself, your personal perspective, your own ideas, your beliefs, your feelings, your desires, your needs and your interpretation of the world.

Many people do not make such clear distinctions between their own sensation and other people’s sensation in their

In this article, we will talk about the only two language communication skills that you’ll ever need as a parent and why you should use them as much as possible.

Let’s give you some examples: “I feel wonderful today now that I have slept well!” “I really love that shade of red.”

“Thank you for reading your book without saying anything, now I’ve been able to finish my work. I feel so relieved!” So in the negative, instead of saying: “You have been a very naughty child”... try saying: “My flowers have been flattened by your bike. Now I am very sad!” There are numerous advantages of using ME-language: 1. Me-messages are transparent & clear. There’s no confusion about whose sensations they are. (using “I”+ verb) 2. Others show less resistance to my message. After all, my message is all about me. 3. Others feel more comfortable because I’m not judging them. 4. It’s hard to ignore ME-language. It appeals to the human, empathetic side of children. 5. I don’t have to play a role. I simply have to be ‘me’. 6. I get to know myself better. I can honestly say that after using MElanguage for quite some years, I still get surprised sometimes, when I’m using ME-language. I then realize why I’m acting the way I do, because I’m forced into verbalizing my needs, beliefs, or feelings. 7. My child gets to know me better. I can tell you, your child WANTS to know you. Make no mistake about that. Children LOVE to see their parents for who they are, regardless of what they tell you. 8. My message is congruent. My inner state matches my outer verbal message. 9. It helps my child to understand me and in the long run this can be very helpful!

10. When I express my needs, it will be easier to get help and support. 11. Assertive, not passive or aggressive, I take responsibility for my own needs. I’m not playing the victim role! 12. ME-language is an effective way to avoid misunderstanding and conflicts. 13. ME-language helps to build trust and solidarity. 14. Your child will always be able to keep his or her dignity. 15. The independence of my child is being encouraged. After all, it’s up to my child if he wants to help AND how! 16. ME-language is not detrimental to the parent-child relationship. 17. ME-language does not contain a judgment. Therefore it accepts my child for who he is. 18. My child will develop a positive self image. Remember that a self-image is developed by the things children hear from people around them. It is not something the child was born with!

So instead of saying: “You have done a great job!” Try saying: “You finished your homework, now I feel relaxed because I don’t have to worry anymore.” You can use ME-language for both positive happy OR negative unhappy messages! 64

Remember when you are using unhappy ME-language, chances are that your child will show resistance, because in general people will not get pleased hearing messages like that. You may encounter resistance in different ways, like walking away, silencing, making funny faces or slamming doors. If you cannot accept resistance, remember that things will escalate between you and your child, because the both of you will build up anger. If you want to avoid escalations, I urge you to keep reading, as I’ll now cover the second skill you need to master. This skill will also allow you to handle resistance! As I have told you, ME-language is our basic language. It communicates our personal perspective. At the same time, we will definitely use YOU-language as well. We want to use YOU-language when we want to connect with our child. This is the case when: 1. We want to check if what we think, see or assume is right. 2. We want to share our feelings. 3. We are in conflict and want to reconnect with our child. 4. We want to help our child, specifically when heavy emotions are involved. 5. Any other situation in which we want to connect with our child! In all situations, our main goal of YOUlanguage is to connect with our child! In his book Parent Effectiveness Training, the author, Thomas Gordon, talks about several things that most people normally do when they want to connect to others.

He calls them ‘communication stops’, because they normally hinder the other person from participating in the conversation. Most people will use one or more of the following strategies in an attempt to make a connection: • threatening • advising • preaching • accusing • analyzing • name-calling • asking questions • distracting Wher e M E -l angu age i s m ai nl y o ne d i r ect i o n, fr o m m e t o m e o r fr o m m e t o t he w o r l d , co nnect i ng t o o t her s m eans t hat w e no w w ant a t w o - w ay s t r eam o f co m m u n i ca t i o n .

Unfortunately, these strategies are usually not effective at all. The trouble with these strategies is that they: • Hinder or stop the child from talking at all. • Offer ready-made solutions. • Contain judgments. • Ignore the child’s feelings. • Take away the child’s responsibility. • Imply non-acceptance of the child. • Imply a wish to change the child. All of these lead to the same thing: your child not wanting to connect to you! The effective solution is YOU-language! YOU-language is a language in which it’s all about your child. In a specific way, YOU-language means: Never give your personal opinion, judgment or advice. 65

Instead, you name the needs and feelings that you hear behind your child’s words!

If you want to know why children will talk to people who use YOU-language, listen to this list of advantages:

So, how does that work? In the following example I want to connect with my child because I want to find out what is bothering her. I’m not giving my personal opinion, judgment or advice because my child will stop communicating once I start doing that.

Your child feels accepted for who he is. Your child feels understood for needs. Your child feels comfortable. You will understand your child. You will grow towards one another. Your child will be able to solve his own problems. Your child will become aware of other people’s needs and feelings.

So when my child says: “That sweater is stupid! I’m not gonna wear it!” Instead of saying: “What’s the matter with that sweater?” I may say: “You don’t like the sweater?” Then the child may respond: “You bet I don’t like it! I look like a giraffe when I wear it.” Instead of saying: “Now you’re exaggerating, that’s not true at all!” I may respond: “You hate looking like a giraffe?” Notice that in a way, I’m putting words into the mouth of my child! Don’t worry about that. Whether you have done that correctly or not, your child WILL let you know! In this case, I was right. In other cases, your child may have said: “No! It’s not that I hate looking like one. I simply hate it when my classmates call me a giraffe and make fun of me!” So, at all times, please check with your child about whether you have understood the right message!

Allow your child to find her own solutions. This will make her self-assured, and help her to mature. Trust that your child is able to cope with his feelings and find his own solutions. Don’t keep your child dependent on you by offering solutions so that he will not learn to think of his own solutions. By using YOU-language, you help the child release tension from intense emotions. But beware that, at first, the tension may come out fiercely, as if you lift the lid from a cooking pan. Don’t get scared when this happens. Your child’s intense emotions will soon start to calm down. If you want to know more about this approach, and to download free resources please visit http://www.laurafobler.com.

Laura Fobler Laura helps parents on”What to Say” and “How to Respond” when anger, hurt or conflicts are present so parents create closeness, connection and a strong bond with their child. 66

PEACE AT HOME

This House is a Mess Clutter Robs Parents of Peace of Mind By Bev Sullivan

If you suffer the ill effects of disorganization and household clutter, you are not alone. “This House Is A Mess” is a cry heard around the globe. Statistical data gathered by the National Association of Professional Organizers supports the contention that disorganization and clutter robs people of time, energy, money, personal productivity and peace of mind. Cost due to clutter and disorganization, late fees, paying at the last minute can eat up 15-20% of one’s budget. Americans waste 55 minutes a day looking for things they know they own but cannot find. Eighty percent of what we keep we never use. Psychology today states that more than 90% of Americans declare an overwhelming sense of Time Poverty as part of the epidemic of stress in our society. Too much “Stuff” in the home creates 40% more housework.

So how do you turn your disorganized, messy house into one that is aesthetically pleasing, and functional? Here are basic organizing principles that are easy to implement: 1. Start out with a specific, reasonable, achievable goal in mind. Example: Clear my bedroom closet of clothes and accessories that no longer fit my body, lifestyle or personality. 2. Write down the goal along with a deadline for it’s completion. Prioritize the process. 3. Create an action plan based upon your goal and decide where you will begin the organizing process. Stay with the plan. Don’t jump from room to room, or project to project. 67

4. Break the task down into small, doable segments. 5. Give everything a specific “home”. Designate what lives where based upon frequency of use and where it’s used. 6. Have all the supplies on hand before you begin the process so you do not sabotage your efforts. The supplies needed include boxes, bags, a marking pen, and whatever else is needed to complete the task. 7. Be ruthless about what you keep. Ask relevant questions in deciding what to keep. For example, when is the last time I used it, wore it or even thought about it? Be realistic and remember your goal. 8. Involve other members of the household to assist with the project but only if they are willing. 9. Turn on some relaxing music and set a timer if that helps you attain your goal. 10. Buy bins and other organizing products only AFTER you have eliminated what you don’t want, use or need. Label the containers you use. Once the organizing & de-cluttering task is completed, get in the habit of putting things back where they belong after use.

If you do not have the time, the desire or the know-how to get organized, hire a professional. It is not an admission of weakness. The call for help is empowering. It enables you to achieve your goal quickly and efficiently. The quality of your life and your sanity is worth the investment. As a veteran Professional Organizer I have witnessed first hand the numerous negative ramifications of disorganization. Disorganization and clutter robs people of peace of mind and drains their time and energy. My mission is to show people this is not a trade off worth making. So, to quell the cry of “This House is a mess”, I suggest taking action now. What are you waiting for? Getting your home and life organized will greatly contribute to the well-being and effectiveness of your life, and that of those around you. “Life can be messy. Now is the best time to remove clutter & fill your home with love.”

Bev Sullivan Since 1996 helping others break free from the tyranny of home and office clutter and disorganization in Denver-Boulder, CO. Expert in Professional Organizing, National Association of Professional Organizers Golden Circle. Email: bev@bevsullivansorganizenow.com 68

PEACE AT SCHOOL

If your child is a Bully? Kindness is the Rule at Home and School By Juliette Miles

You are the light that will show the way, shine on against bullying with the tools of self love for all souls to live their best life! Here are my TOP 10 very important key response tools for any situation in dealing with a child who is bullying: 1. Respond in love always. Everything else is fear. 2. Show kindness when an act has happened. This is the time for extra love, understanding and learning. 3. Listen and validate your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s feelings. You are always learning how to do better and they will let you know what they need. You must be still to hear their voice. You are the parent and if a child is missing a need, this is the opportunity to pay attention. 4. Only ask questions!Your child will find the answers they are seeking and realize on their own what they have done. Through your question guidance they will know what they must do to make amends.

5. A child who is surrounded by parents with self love, respect, understanding and kindness will learn how to do better and know better, how to shine their light on others, how to be happy and contribute. These parents know their life matters and that they have a legacy to step up in the lives of others. This is the wish for all souls. 6. Do all that you can to give yourself the tools, wisdom and understanding in your own life. Embrace the beautiful scars of your life, find your love born within and shine on! Your wisdom, strengths, kindness, integrity and self love will guide your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life towards happiness. 69

7. Time to a child is love. Take as much time as possible to know what is going on in their lives. Be a soft place for your child to come to always. Communication, trust, respect are key.

One of the best gifts you can give your child is your self love. Embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly of your life for the scars of our life are the secret to your strength, wisdom, and tenacity.

8. A child will remember always how they were left feeling! This is the most important thing for you to remember!

Keep learning so when you know better you do better.

9. If your child is the one being bullied, the tools of self love, reverence and kindness will make all the difference in his or her response.

When you gain the tools for your best life it will radiate to the lives of your children. The GIFTS of your soul are what will matter in the END.

10. Wake up, be amazing all day long… then go back to sleep! Do this each day! Ego responds and teaches fear. Love responds and heals the world.

Selflessness is the best thing you can do for an empathy and purpose driven life.

Your number one JOB is LOVE.

The sweetest joys of life come only with the recognition that everyone is special, unique and born to be LOVE. Everything else in your life is a bonus. Just do You, be amazing, enjoy this precious life given, and see the beautiful in You. Treasures of the world and monetary success are wonderful but never define your value.

Dear Parent & Guardian Today is a new day and here is your new title, “Universal Soul Maker.” Never forget, you are the light in your child's life and they see themselves through your eyes.

Let your light shine, wear it on your sleeve. Others’ opinions and beliefs are not yours to hold. Behold your man or woman in the mirror and give all you can for the greater good of all, that is priceless and that my friends is success. Give your heart, be you, be fearless, serve, and honor the energy of Love and You. 70

Today as a "Universal Soul Maker" you choose to step up and get the arsenal of tools for your self love.

Join the ambassador around the world: www.facebook.com/ stopbullyingambassador.

You will learn how to set the tone in all you do and for all those people that are in your presence.

Contact Juliette for Coaching empowerment, Self Love tools, Journey to self love series and Change your "Story" Today.

When you learn the tools, you are not ashamed or embarrassed when bullying happens with your child. Remember too that children learn to do what they live. If they are found to be a bully or are acting in a mean spirited way,demeaning, verbally or physically lashing out, etc., know that these are all signs that they are HURTING and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have the ability to give to themselves what they are seeking.

For you were born to be love, be amazing and shine on! Write to Juliette for a FREE treasure ebook of pure love to give you daily inspiration to SHINE ON! Beauty from inside to outside. Living your best life! Shine On!

How you respond with love and the arsenal of SELF LOVE will teach them and make all the difference for the rest of their lives. If you as a parent lash out, have anger, disappointment, shame and embarrassment they will have those fears as their arsenal of tools to continue dealing with the scars of their lives.

Juliette Miles Transformational/Inspirational Life Coach, Author and Speaker. She is the Creator of The Greater Omnipresent Domain and Embrace Your Beautiful Scars and Shine On to live your best life journey series. Visit her at: www.Juliettemiles.com

PEACE IN SPECIAL

Dream Shifting Finding Inner Peace Parenting a Special Needs Child By Siobhan Wilcox

I realized my journey of wishing to be a mother began when I was five and received my first Tiny Tears Baby doll from Santa. I remember the anticipation on Christmas morning, waiting for the clock to turn seven so I could finally run down stairs and meet my new baby! My body was tingling with excitement as I ripped open the wrapping paper and there it was; my very own baby doll. Holding it in my arms, it was love at first sight. Twenty six years later, my dream that started at the age of five, came true when my first son was born. I was beside myself with excitement. Preparing for the birth with natural birthing and yoga, absorbing every book and article I could find, balancing my nutrition and taking all the right vitamins. My plan was to bring this baby into the world with natural ease and grace. Of course my best laid plans went by the way side when complications arose during the birth. My beloved angel boy was born, after almost a three day labor, with the cord wrapped around his neck,

struggling to arrive into the world. I was soon to realize that this was just the first of many moments in my life where my careful planning would be discarded. From the outset my son was ultrasensitive with numerous allergies and colic. This was just the beginning of my sonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s issues as when he was almost seven we endured grueling months of testing with specialists to finally receive a multitude of diagnoses. Our son had apraxia of speech, high functioning autism, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, short term memory issues and an anxiety disorder. 72

In that moment of getting these diagnoses my world fell apart. I thought to myself, this is not the plan that I had made at the age of five and cultivated throughout my life! Would I ever watch my son graduate from college or be the doting mother of the groom? My background as a stress management consultant and a personal development trainer seemed of no significance to me. I had guided hundreds of people on their journeys as they discovered new self-care skills, found greater joy and learnt how to embrace their true magnificent and authentic selves, yet here I was lost in a sea of unknowing and emotional overwhelm. I couldn’t stop crying, and then a wise friend said to me, “You’re grieving”. I said, “Okay if it’s grief, why? What was I grieving?” Like a lightning bolt it hit me - the little red haired five year old’s ‘DREAM’ had shattered. The idyllic scene of mother and baby, that was with me since I was a child. This gave me an anchor to work with. I needed to create a new dream with new goals and expectations. I remembered the promise that I had made to my son when he was born, “I will do anything to make sure you have a magnificent life”. I started to really look inwards. What is it that I truly wanted for myself, my son and my family? I wanted for him what I had had. But maybe that wasn’t his journey. Maybe his journey was different and unique. I had tried to put upon him my “perfect” plan: go to college, get a job, and find whatever it is in your life you are most passionate about and turn that into your career...

...my plan that you find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, get married, have children, have grandchildren. My plan! I realized that this plan did not necessarily need to be my son’s plan. His journey was unique and different, he would have unique gifts to share with the world and he would have a unique way of looking at the world. He was highly intelligent, gifted with technology, funny, loving, creative and sensitive.

When the pain, that had shred through me with the shattering of my dream, lifted there was more space in my mind to create an alternative. The consternation I felt because of the gap between my picture and the reality dissipated. My stress reduced and my perceptions shifted so I could start dreaming again. I had remembered the famous quote from Wilma Rudolf, three time Olympic gold medalists: “The doctors told me I would never walk, my mother told me I would, I believed my mother”. Wilma had been a sickly crippled child who went on to break world records in the 1960’s Olympics. 73

I believe in miracles! I have spoken to many amazing parents whose children where labeled as unteachable or unreachable and yet went on to become authors, poets and even scholars. In particular Lyrica Mia stands out. As a child Lyrica was unable to communicate with those around her. She seemed trapped in her autistic world. Now Lyrica Mia is an author and spiritual teacher. Using assisted technology, she amazes others with her insights and wisdom.

Equally special is Charlie Fenimore who has not let his down syndrome stop him from achieving magnificence. He calls himself an Earth Angel, writes poetry and was recently ordained a spiritual peacemaker by author and musician James Twyman. Developing awareness around my dream was such a gift.

It reduced the emotional triggers that would stimulate me into heightened stress or unnecessary overwhelm. I realized that it was not my job to create my son’s plan but his own. Yes - I was there to support him, nurture him, guide and encourage him but not impose my unconscious plans onto him. My emotional reactions just dissipated. I could look at them and say, “Oh, look there goes that trigger again! I must be thinking about my old plan. Shred that plan.” Of course, schooling is such an overwhelming focus for our children’s early years. Now I am not saying that I do not believe that my son cannot get an ‘A’ in his studies however how and what he achieves academically is not my primary focus. Nurturing him to have a fulfilled life that is aligned with his divine mission and the gifts that he is here to share with the world is now my intention. Not running my agenda for him. So I would invite you to reflect on your own ‘plan’. Uncovering it can help reduce the emotional triggers in your life, reduce your stress levels and allow you to reframe your life – dream shifting to a place that is truly aligned with you and your family.

Siobhan Wilcox Author, speaker and trainer, with over 16 years’ experience of passionately guiding her clients to create more balanced and fulfilled lives. Visit her at http://www.SiobhanWilcox.com and http://www.AutismExpertsAlliance.com

PEACE IN LOSS

We Lose Who We Are If We Don’t Allow Ourselves to Feel Grief By Debbie Rosenfelt MBA CPCC

OH the pain of feeling grief... December 20, 2008, my world forever changed. My son, my first son chose to leave our world. When the police officer asked me my son's name and his home address, inside I wondered what was going on. And then he said it... “I am so sorry, your son committed suicide.” That pains me to say it every single time... I am still taken back to that moment. I looked at him in disbelief, I asked "HOW DO YOU KNOW?" My son lived in Prescott Valley, AZ and I live in Edmonds, WA. I continued to say, "Are you sure?" Each word that came out of the officer’s mouth answered each question, but I did not and would not believe it. I needed to see him! I could not nor did not want to believe the officer. My body was in shock, my mind was numb and in disbelief. I wanted the world to stop.

I wanted the world to go backwards... just like in the Superman movie, when Lois Lane died, Superman flew out to the perimeter of earth and flew counterclockwise really, really, fast so the Earth spun backwards to make time go backwards... I wanted that for me... so I could talk to my son. So I could hold his hand and look into his eyes and share with him there was another choice... BUT I could not... I was not superman. I just wanted the pain, disbelief, shock, numbness to go away.

I wanted my son to be ALIVE. When I got home I immediately pulled out my gratitude journal and wrote how grateful I was for the 30 years I had with my son. The pain was intense, I felt overwhelmed, I immediately started thinking: “I have to do something”. I believe that was my natural soothing mechanism, when I didn’t have control. Isn't that interesting, I held the illusion I have control.

Grief allowed me to be in the moment, honoring me, acknowledging me. After packing my son's belongings and closing down his home, and having his two funeral services... all the doing was done, so I had to learn how to function, function on any given day. I kept my routine of getting up early in the morning, taking my vitamins, going to the gym, releasing sorrow, anger, pain, frustration. It was something I could count on, structure that I needed, to feel I had an area of my life I could count on.

That myth was shattered. I found myself going back to my mind asking what happened. I thought to myself : "Why was that choice even an option? What could I have done? What if...? What if...?” and then I had to let go of control again. I had a great support system around me for the first 30 days, and then I had to learn to allow the grief, the pain, the numbness, feeling out of control, feeling of overwhelm. When it came to taking care of my son's personal matters I was all over it, because it was something I I could hold on to, that thing, that moment in time allowed me to grasp a piece if his life, because I wanted him on this earth so badly. The little things mattered, his stuff mattered, talking to his friends mattered. I was able to hang on! Yet the reality was, I was hanging on to keep Ken alive. Grief is a gift. Grief allowed me to with where I was in life, heart pain, disbelief, shock, overwhelm, a feeling of being out of control.

After my shower and a bite to eat, I spent an hour to an hour in-a-half as I needed, to journal, cry and read books that supported me. A couple of books I always had by my side: 'I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" by Brook Noel and Pamela Blair and "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer. For me these books supported me to allow my feelings to flow, however they showed up. This is how I was able to get through my day at work. There were days that were more difficult, and when I needed to I would close my door at work, 76

and just allow myself to cry as I worked. There were days I felt so overwhelmed, I literally had to stop what I was doing and just sit and do nothing. My body just shut down. For the first nine months I reduced the number of work days to 4 so I had three days to grieve, process and rejuvenate. My body would not allow it any other way. I tried going back to 5 days a week in May but it was too overwhelming for my mind. I still needed the three day rest. Grief is a process, a slow process. Time is grief's ally. Allowing the process of grieve opens the door to greater self awareness and self acceptance. Grief taught me to be with my feelings, sadness, anger, frustration, overwhelm versus ignoring or running from my feelings. Grief taught me how to say "no" and how to set boundaries. Grief shows up with loss, any type of loss. Loss of a loved one, a friend, loss of a marriage, loss of a job, loss of something you worked so hard for and nothing happened. Loss occurs every day in someone's life. So learn to be with grief, gently. Allow the grief to move through you.

A few tips to allow yourself to be with and move through grief: 1. Spend time with yourself in alone quiet time. If you can play some quiet meditation music. 2. Let go of all your thoughts, allow yourself to feel. We tend to make ourselves wrong all the time or we think we have to "do something a certain way". We think it always has to be "right". 3. Journal your thoughts on paper. There is a physical release of emotions and energy when you have a pen in your hand and you release the thoughts from your mind through your fingers. 4. Read books that support your type of loss. 5. Seek out a grief counselor or a coach, especially a professional that resonates for you. 6. Honor you and acknowledge you, as there is only one, unique beautiful you. We need YOU. If you would like to talk to me about loss or grief reach out to me: d.rosenfelt@cfomadeeasy.com.

Debbie Rosenfelt MBA CPCC Debbie is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach who is passionate about life and touches people's lives by supporting you with moving forward. Contact d.rosenfelt@cfomadeeasy.com 77

PEACE OF MIND

What You Don’t Know... Hurts and Drives You Crazy! By Diana Dentinger

I am a huge supporter of the idea that everyone, big and small, learns interpersonal communication skills and whole heartedly invests time and energy to improve their ability to communicate. As parents, you need to be vigilant about what you say to your children, how you say it and even when. This can really make or break your relationship. What we say to each other “stays”. Once it is verbalized it somehow becomes “real”, it takes on a form, it “exists”. In this article, I’d like to talk about the “untalkable”. Rather, I’d like to talk about what we don’t say. What we don’t say, but what we think or know that we don’t tell our kids. There are the 3 elements of communication; the verbal message (what we say), the message in our tone of voice (how we say it) and the message in our body language. Guess which one “counts” the most? Yes, the message in your body language. Why is this? Because your body doesn’t lie! And why is this important for you to understand? Because you can’t lie to your

kids without being revealed. Children can see through your falseness because they are more sensitive to body language. Without studying all the techniques, they innately “understand”. Maybe they can’t put words to what they notice in your body language, but their brain registers “mystery”. As a Coach and Trainer I have seen how the 3 elements intermix and “confuse” adults. When I was working with a Team as their Trainer, the majority of the members voted to implement a new procedure. One woman, who voted against the idea was asked if she would support this initiative anyway for the betterment of the company’s results. 78

When confronted, she said: “Well, of course I will!” But sitting there in the conference room, together with another 15 colleagues, what did she automatically do? Cross her arms in front of her chest. Now, in your opinion, was she really open to supporting the procedure? No! But by understanding her gesture, she worked out her doubts, got them out in the open, and them more confidently committed. Our kids are the same way. At any age they can confront your or ask an unexpected question that is so direct it almost knocks you off your chair: “Mom, what kind of grades did you get?” “Dad, did you ever smoke?” “Did you ever steal?” “Did you ever try drugs?” Did you have sex before getting married?” When they ask, their little brain registers the “truth” based on your body language. It happens biologically in an eighth of a second so don’t think you can trick anyone with “techniques”. They can tell if you are uncomfortable emotionally, or if the answer is Yes even when you say No. What the majority of people do is send a “double message”, like the woman. The first message is the underlying truth their body displays.

The second message is what they say in words, usually what is “politically correct” to be accepted by the listener. The 2 messages say different things!

This drives people crazy, kids included! They need you to know you, have you explain how things work & what to expect out in the real world. They need to feel protected and safe. If you are not “truthful”, authentic and coherent in your messages, they feel hurt and deceived. In the long run you lose credibility. The first thing to do, when your kids need information or an opinion on delicate issues: Admit your emotions! Tell them that this topic makes you uncomfortable so their brain quiets that “inkling of doubt” that what you might say is “false”. At least your emotions are true so their guard goes down. The same is true for you when your kids “lie”. It drives you crazy. You perceive an incoherency but you can’t put your finger on it. Make it ok to make mistakes. Help your children admit their actions and turn them into learning experiences. Remember to sign the petition for Communication in Schools!

Diana Dentinger Find out about her coaching programs for parents to understand each family member’s needs so you can get along better and create a loving family environment. Visit http://parentbynumbers.com/coaching/

INNER PEACE

Peaceful Parenting For Peace in Future Generations By Diana Dentinger

h"p://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LXpccDwVxU

In this video I share with you a few curious facts about olive trees in a fun analogy with human beings:

✴ When they start to produce fruit. ✴ When they become mature. ✴ How long they live. If we imagine setting down the roots of peaceful parenting, will the future generations reap the benefits? Let’s give it a try! http://youtu.be/5LXpccDwVxU 80