uKUNST 07 by Nourishment

EDITION 007 | HISTORY IN THE FAKING 2 APRIL 2020

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uKUNST Manifesto

WE are uKUNST. WE are alternative. WE are creative. WE are independent. WE will produce. WE will disseminate. We have no masters. We are legion. uKUNST.

uKUNST: All Is Artifice. Creative actions and productions to challenge apathetic human acceptance of religious delusions, bankrupt conventions, colonial and capitalist ideologies and plain lack of reason. (63rd line from of the uKUNST Manifesto, written by Erich Squatt, April 1, 1917). uKUNST Creative Production uKUNST develops, produces and distributes interdisciplinary arts-led creative works. uKUNST is an independent creative studio and producer delivering both in-house and external (client) products ranging from audio, visual, performance and digital arts through to literature, animation, music, print and events. By Any Media Necessary ÂŠ RFM 1995. Welcome to the seventh in a series of alternative and radical arts productions. Each uKUNST action, event or production is aimed at challenging the existing status quo across the arts, society, commerce and politics. Developing and producing a series of art or kunst products will deliver these actions. Each product is a standalone creative work as well as a part of the wider uKUNST canon of art provocations, products and productions. www.ukunst.com

2 | uKUNST Manifesto

Guillaume BARB 270519 | Roney FM | 3

Editorial History In The Faking Well, here we are again fellow people of the social distance. It certainly is, in historical terms, a blast from the past as we contemplate and possibly assimilate yet another curse upon the human race. History, like a bent politician or an overdose of crème brûlée, has a habit of repeating on itself. And so, like all the previous calamities that have rightly or wrongly befallen the somewhat stupefied upright ape, our current plagues are surely destined to be repeated ad infinitum. It is difficult to recall an age so detached, strange and subject to ignorant and primal behaviour unless of course we include the now long-forgotten Brexit Epidemic of 1916 when we all wore diapers or trousers regardless of our academic and religious leanings. In more recent times the world has been turned upside down and inside out, politicians have been hoisted on there own sanitary and socially distanced petards, cruisers have been condemned to eternal cruising and (bless the Melton under my collar) if the country isn’t drifting towards that jingoistic pre-war feeling where anything goes. The current plague upon us is not via corrupt religions, states, leaders, corporations or social media gurus) it is a viral pandemic. This means that it can affect anyone and it is seemingly, at present, running out of control. Indeed not dissimilar to our leaders, global corporations and twatter accounts. And the herd never has immunity as the individual animals making up the heard have no individual defence and so each is destined to suffer the fate of the whole ignorant and panicked whole. The more you all comply (without question) the quicker we will all get through this! Global detention is the current cure for an outbreak that some believe was manufactured. Certainly, to the casual onlooker, the clearing of the streets and shortages of basic foods hold more attraction for a fascisto despot than any socialist or libertarian. Politicians and their free-market friends appear to be devoid of the ability and wit to ensure that health service staff and units are provided both necessary and often statutory protective equipment and clothing to fulfill their crucial roles safely and efficiently. A National Health Service Trust, as an employer, must surely have a legal duty of care to assure the above conditions are met. Private business trumps public organisations because it is more efficient and better value for taxpayers’ money! So these well-paid, well-educated political and business inepts cannot order medical supplies with two months notice but can overnight rustle up an emergency fourth Reich virus bill that subjugates the people under a totalitarian regime with draconian powers popular with the Nazis, South Americans and even some African states. And so the new world order is one where citizens, much like 1930s Spain or Germany, are likely to infect themselves and each other with fatal consequences. Another similarity is the relish with which folk (or volk) are willing to greedily accept and swallow whatever they are fed. This regardless of where the feed comes from or what it contains. In the media lie after lie, misinformed pundit after clueless minister and smug pensioned ex-parliamentarian after above inflation pay rise sucking parliamentarian shamelessly espouse (lucrative) bullshit to the world and occasionally incredulous (but more frequently credulous) GBBC (Grievous Bodily Broadcasting Corporation) talent. I use the word loosely. Indoors the gob smacked wait eager to hear about the Chancellor’s extraordinarily generous package clueless that money is printed rather than growing on trees. All orchestrated behind the scenes by the be-duffle-coated Demonic Comings, the beet noir of the elderly and eugenically diverse amongst us. Times like these call to mind that great explorer Capt. John (Quaker) Oates whose last recorded words were, I’m just popping out to Iceland, I may be some time. Welcome to this stunned, tortured and disgruntled but inevitable edition. uKUNST Enjoy Der Herausgeber April MMXX 4 | Editorial | The Remainder Of The Dazed

Je Ne Regrette Baton (Paris 2016) | Roney FM | 5

6 | Sean Azzopardi | Government Lockdown

Life On Mantra Island | Simon Poulter | 7

8 | Michael Johnson | Hell

Hell Part One Important Notice. Concerned customers and local businesses have been asking what is going on with the absolute chaos in the centre of West Norwood. These ongoing works are definitely affecting trade. Those used to driving or taking buses to local shops are not happy about being caught for several days in the endless tailbacks, without easy access to basic facilities, such as food, toilets and bedding… Unfortunately, based on the latest updates from Thames Water, it looks like this could go on for a while. What initially seemed to be a simple problem of replacing failing water pipes has become much more serious… Excavations beneath Norwood Road have revealed signs of a previously unknown gateway to the flaming pits of hell beneath the town centre. As Thames Water spokesman, Arne Saknussem has explained, ‘It is not uncommon to find undocumented pipes and cables in this type of work. However, the worst we normally find is a broken sewer, not an entrance to the netherworld. So this has put back our plans by some weeks while we plan a new route for our excavations.’ Shocking I know, in this day and age, but this is something that we can neither take lightly nor fix quickly with a bodge job. Bunging up the hole with some chipboard simply will not do. No-one wants to see Satan and his minions erupting from the high street, drooling fire and brimstone onto an already compromised road surface and impaling prospective shoppers on their fearsomely sharp, forked tails. Already one of his minor demons briefly escaped, befouling nearby railway tracks with its sulphurous breath, causing a bus replacement service to run from West Norwood station for the whole of last weekend. As if we didn’t have enough problems with customers getting to the area... Obviously Thames Water have been obliged to increase the amount of heavy machinery in the high street to deal with this issue. And there will initially be an increase in large vehicles, as tankers of holy water are driven on site and pumped into the fiery maw of hell as a precautionary measure. What materials will be required to permanently seal the loathsome spawn of the devil safely beneath the tarmac are unsure at this moment. But be assured we will be pressuring Thames Water to make sure that they are as environmentally friendly as possible. More updates will be posted as we receive them. High Street Update. Following the revelations earlier this week of an unexpected entrance to Hades discovered whilst replacing water mains in the high street, local groups have been quick to respond to this news, calling a number of emergency meetings. Professor Dan Helsing at the Norwood Action Group gathering, concerned about possible invasion by demonic forces, has proposed that all digging is halted and the whole area sealed with garlic infused cement, which caused much merriment when it was pointed out that this would only stop vampires. The professor later admitted that vampires were indeed his only field of expertise. The Norwood Overreaction Group had two suggestions. One party proposed that the government start a forced evacuation of South London and nuke West Norwood into oblivion. This was opposed by another faction who suggested simply putting up a banner stating ‘Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here’ at all entrances to the town. The argument became quite heated between these two groups and we were forced to leave when it turned into a fight… The Norwood Inaction Group were also approached for a comment but have yet to reply... The Westnorwood Tourist Forum has questioned whether this was being looked at in the wrong way. They wondered if the prospect of a brief glimpse into hell could become quite a tourist attraction, bringing much-needed visitors into the area. It was quickly pointed out, however, that there was no way of knowing whether a demon exiting the portal on its way to reap chaos and destruction would simply wave hello or disembowel, decapitate or otherwise inconvenience visitors to the site. That is the nature of evil. Hell | Michael Johnson | 9

10 | Roney FM | Drive Thru Confessional

Love NHS Heroes | Benoit | 11

Cunts Process | Chris Chalkley | 13

14 | George Holt | Untitled

Not A Clue

Some mug had a great idea,

That guy too

Made it clear

Same as you

Have no fear

Hasn’t got a Scooby-do

Said, “We’ll vote in or out”

Has anybody seen a plan?

Then things just went up a gear.

Voted go

Dear oh dear

Life of woe

Danger here.

Hollering ‘Look out below!”

And they started to doubt.

Has anybody seen a plan?

Promised that we’d have a happy

Had your say

ending.

Time to pay

Then I noticed that to Hell we were

It’s up to you,

descending.

Theresa May

Push the boat

Has anybody seen a plan?

Grab your coat

So if you run into a guy that who

Best start working on the moat

Says ‘Here is the plot!’

Has anybody seen a plan?

Bet your life and your wife

All gone shite

That’s the one thing he ain’t got!

Serves you right

Buy their spin

Last one in turn out the light

Buy their lies

Has anybody seen a plan?

Bye-zee bye-zee bye-zee bye.

So if you see a man

Has anybody seen a plan?

With a plan Says it’s a hit He’s a berk, watch him smirk Bet your life he’s full of shit.

Not A Clue | The Norbitons | 15

16 | Michael Barnes-Wynters | Fear

Crisis | Zhuo Lucy Chen | 17

18 | Sarah Hardacre | Untitled 01 (March 2020)

Your Meat May Be Obsolete

The last days of the hand made mind Reside in shadows of the Machine Expansive expression of embodied consciousness Ineffable actions form semantic positions The best laid notions of the mind made hand, Becalmed in the place between action and possibility As the final motions of a mind made hand Grapple with the materiality of effort after meaning If we suppose that intelligence is not substrate dependant We might consider that those of us who are thinking meat May have cause to reflect On the enduring capabilities of electronica When hand brain co-ordination gives up to Subtle algorithms in mimetic simulations Of conscious construal. Collective dreams of traversing interstellar thence intergalactic voids Might dwell on the implausibility of oxidising meat In the incomprehensible and inhospitable vastness of space.

Your Meat May Be Obsolete | Linton Barbrook | 19

20 | Stokes Croft Bristol | Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Panic

Tonyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Catastrophe | Michael Barnes-Wynters | 21

22 | Roney FM | The Brexit Party 2020

Publishers Page First published in 2020 By uKUNST United Kingdom The European Union Printed in England Original Design by K3 Media Photographs by RFM, K3 Media & The Artists All rights reserved © 2009-2020 uKUNST Magazine © uKUNST & The Contributors Published in 2020 by uKUNST, Londinium, Imperial Britain The right of uKUNST, K3 Media and the various contributors to be identified as the authors of this work has been asserted in accordance with the copyright, designs and patents act 1988. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system, without either the prior permission in writing of the relevant contributors, publishers or a license, permitting restricted copying. Price £5/ $5/ €5 Proceeds from this publication will contribute towards further uKUNST actions and productions. If you enjoy it then please pay for it. Designed by K3 Media & Kargan Media www.ukunst.com

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UKUNST EDITION 007 HISTORY IN THE FAKING | 2 APRIL 2020

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