WEIGHT AGAINST THE DOOR
PRETENDER (remembering us.) the spectral buildings outside tower over me like gods (i am alone.) the sky is dark and the moon is rising above the trees (i am utterly alone.) the house is silent, the world outside is silent (finally.) my lips curl into a smile, my hands rise from my sides (can this last forever?) standing in the center of my room i look into the blank mirror (in limbo.) the shadows swirl from the corners of my room, dance in front of me (remembering us.)
BACKWARDS they don’t see the light i tell myself this as i sit in the backseat of the car, as the streetlights flash by and go back into the void of time i tell myself this as the threads of energy wind around my legs my arms my fingers my chest i tell myself this as i am stripped apart into the atoms i am made of they don’t see the light the white light that made me that razor-sharp light that can cut through the darkness like a dagger the white light that consumes me when i close my eyes they don’t see the light
ON MY HEAD my mind is numb (RAGING THOUGHTS PRESSING AGAINST THE DOORS BEHIND MY EYES MY MOUTH) i don’t know how to get the words out (I OPEN MY MOUTH TO SPEAK AND LIGHT POURS OUT LIKE A WATERFALL) my mind has given up on this power (WHAT DO I DO TO STOP THIS FEELING) i don’t know why i am like this why am i like this why can’t i just turn it OFF (I FALL DOWN INTO BED EXHAUSTED I CLOSE MY EYES AND AGAIN IT BEGINS)
BALANCING balancing. floating over my bed, a foot above the sheets. eyes closed as i imagine the light. balancing. hands submerged in darkness, the rest of my body awash in a white glow. eyes numb to the brightness of this world. balancing. my hair flowing behind me, my clothes falling away. my skin pale even compared to the glow. balancing. the light and the dark swirl together, and i separate them by turning my face to the shadows. the darkness melting away. balancing. the light is everywhere now, fills the room. i do not know how to control it or stop it. balancing (the light) balancing (the dark) balancing (the powers within me even i don’t understand)
PRESSURE as the light fades and i fade i take one last glance out the window at the moon that watches me so patiently she blinks at me, her eyes understanding her light wrapping around me and embracing my brokenness she strokes my hair as she lowers me into my bed she pulls the covers over me as the light fades even further and i sink into sleep the moon whispers to me that she loves me
BY EDEN KURR, 2017 INSPIRED BY THE BLACK MARBLE ALBUM “WEIGHT AGAINST THE DOOR.”