Edge of Abandon

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selected short stories, letters and poetr y by genevieve williams

1995路2 0 0 7

book design by ariana dilibero

photography from the estate of doulgas e. williams jr.

with gratitude to

r.

1.2. 04 stole three nights of sleep in a day. stole the night while the world slept. stole another year of life while so many died. stole the dawn this mor ning.

a s I ex it ed th e apar tm ent b uil din g yo u r o un d ed th e co r n er, whit e pl a sti c sh o p p in g ba g in t o w.

1.8.06

it co nt ain ed , wh a t I w o ul d l a t er un d erst an d , were th e gr ocer i es fo r a soo n t o be en a c t ed , er oti c ren d ezvo u s . i lun ged fo r yo ur lips , w ith a pa ss i o n a t e ki ss . lin ger in g l o n g en o u gh t o feel , your f l eshy b ut f ir m retur n . l est i enjo y t oo mu ch , you reel ed ba ckwar d , p ullin g away in d eni a l . “can’ t” yo u said . “oliv i a’s ju st o ver th ere .” yet an oth er r o m an ce , a bo ut t o f l are , th en f li ck er o ut . still , i am a gl o w , in th e war mth of yo ur l o ve . w aitin g fo r my equ a lly urban e s i gnif i er t o be th e o nly o n e yo ur sen ses caress .

1.11.04

sometimes y o u’ r e s t i l l m i n e and i remember to ask questions forgotten or never asked when i knew you less.

february 14,

1995

the sun bur ns so hotly across the land causes ripples of fire to break out. one of the flock is bur ned. glows red and blue, then cr umples to ashes. all happens sil ently, except for the sound of my scream.

february

2 8, 1 9 9 5 you’re armed. disarm you. then I’m armed. dilemma. d o n’ t w a n t t o b e a r m e d . warm rain. skinny boys slither up mud hills. catching earthworms. mama’s proud.

m a y

1 6 ,

lie abandon feathere d bed wherein dreams of entwine ment and forgiven ess lie.

2 0 0 4

4.3.95 was drawn to the water’s edge, to dip my feet there along with the rocks and barbed wire. to bathe in the memory of those gone before me.

3.29.03

blind eye silenced i n g r e y e t e r n i t y. was history that bound me to you, with rage and nostalgia. new abandon refracts light on all sides. that he made flow ebbing waves on rock heart beating only when forced to.

wait m a y

1 8,

2 0 0 4

passion simmers wait passion

wait

wanes

hope

wait

simmers

passion

wait

er upts

hope

wait

wanes

passion

wait

simmers

hope

wait.

er upts wait hope simmers wait.

5.13.06

grey mist mixes with grey ash fading into red glo w becoming grey/ ness. darkness envelops language eclipsed

he’d let the dishes pile up all week. when I’d stop by I’d do em. he wanted everything done a c e r t a i n w a y.

I knew that.

3.14.1995

h a d n o t r o u b l e n a v i g a t i n g h i s t e m p e r. d i d n’ t g e t i m p a t i e n t w i t h m e . taught me how to listen, to hear the non words, the desires before they are voiced.

6.24.04 blind i grope nothingness for your presence. you spark, charge, d i s a p p e a r. into nothingness, present.

5.2.04 i p r ofe s s that i d o n’ t p r ofe s s .

ideas are compounded each word w i t h l a ye r s erases u p o n l a ye r s the previous utterance. of i d e a s each piece u n ti l t h e erases or iginal idea t h e p r e v i o u s c r e a ti o n . is too remote t o r e c o v e r. only a trace remains. i p r ofe s s w h a t I g iv e of m ys e lf t h a t p r ofe s s /i o n s li p s a w a y r e q uir e s in a moment , k n o w l e d ge . as each moment is replaced the only with the next. k n o w l e d ge i p r ofe s s is that i d o n’ t k n o w .

2 . 4 . 9 5 fe l l a s l e e p j u s t fo r a m o m e n t , i t ’s a w o n d e r d i d n’ t fa l l . s t a n d i n g o n t h e r o of, w a t c hi n g t h e g u ys a n d g ir l s o v e r a t t h e r i c h k i d s s c h o ol . r u n a c r os s t h e f i e l d t o m e e t yo u , noxema. there we sit. yo u r e a d i n g a l o u d , w i t h t h a t p i s s e d i n yo u r v o i c e .

4 . 1 0 . 1 9 9 5 your clan is bigger, hungrier, louder. y’all get more. ain’t right. our needs are as great. just we don’t know how to say. so the fixings go over to you. that’s the way it’ll be.

destroy

april 15, 2004

image with abandon mine. icon and gone re emerge startled awake. see there in my face all i (t h i n k i ) disguise.

5.14.02

i w a t ch th e b r ea th of yo ur sh o u l d e r s cl oa k e d in d a rk velve t f r o m f l oo r s a bo ve . r e d c url s f r am e th e kip p a th a t ve i l s th e f l am e . a bl a n k e t of g r ey c ol d seeps in t o th e st o n e st air w el l a s yo u e x i t .

3.9.95 a s e a t j u s t fo r m e . i picked it. w e a r i n g ti n y w hi t e sh o e s . n o p a ja m a s , t h a n k s . m y p os i ti o n a t t h e t a bl e s e c u r e . t h e s i m p l e s t of c h o i c e s . t h e w a i t e r s mi l e s a t m e , knowing I lack the pretensions of t h e o t h e r s .

february 9, 2007

come out, sof t green path. absorb my footprints as you did before grinding metal teeth destroyed your restfulness tur ning your gentle soul into stone and ash.