18

Day 18

My Core Circuit: I am not bad.

On this 18th day of Authenticity, we begin rewiring the second Core Circuit. The Survival Circuits are so rewarding to rewire, helping us gain control over our reactive responses. However, the Core Circuits are foundational, encoding our basic beliefs about life. As they are extracted from our experiences without our knowledge or approval, they can either be reasonable or unreasonable.

If these core beliefs are unreasonable, typically because they were encoded during stress, when the filter of the thinking brain had no chance to revise them prior to their being stored in long-term memory, they become a source of self-inflicted psychological wounding. If we rewire them so they are reasonable, they become potent protectors of our emotional resilience and support enduring improvements in resilience and health.

The Second Core Circuit: I am not bad.

The activity today is to rewire the Core Circuit “I am bad” into a new message, “I am not bad.” This wire supports the second of the seven stages of emotional evolution. The first stage is existence, and the sec-

ond stage builds on the first to honor the essence of who we are. It is the Essence Circuit.

This circuit is encoded at about age two when the boldness of toddlers triggers most parents to overreact to our fears of their transgressions. The emotional brain extracts truths from these responses. Then the “I am bad” wire is encoded and the emotion of shame along with it.

The Essence Circuit is relational in nature and sets us up to shame ourselves or become hypersensitive to the negative evaluations of others. We get “triggered” easily and see that person as shaming when in reality, our Shame Circuit from days long ago was activated. Sometimes the “I am bad” wire is encoded with its opposite, the “I am good” wire, so we have a mixture of deprivation and indulgence, a “teeter totter” wire, which flipflops back and forth.

When the Essence Circuit is rewired, our basic unconscious belief holds that we are not bad. We can face criticism of who we are or what we think or do and avoid two pitfalls: dismissal of needed learnings and acceptance of baseless judgments.

I remember feeling emotionally lacerated by my “I am bad” wire, that shame wiping me out. I did not quite believe it could be rewired, but positive emotional neuroplasticity awards those who duke it out with the amygdala, using repetition of passionate grind ins that tear away at the old belief and encode a new one. Remember that it is war! You win the war by doing the work and are rewarded with freedom.

Take a moment to assess the strength of your existing I am bad circuit below. Retake this inventory after you complete the next four days of activities that focus on rewiring this Core Circuit.

Day 18: My Core Circuit: I am not bad.

My Authenticity Core Circuit Inventory

I AM NOT bad.

■ I am good enough.

■ I am lovable.

■ I am adequate.

■ I am not broken.

■ I am not less than.

I AM bad.

■ I am not good enough.

■ I am not loveable.

■ I am inadequate.

■ I am broken.

■ I am less than.

I AM NOT bad. I AM bad.

My Number is:

I’d say I am a 4. I wobble between thinking I am the worse person on Earth to feeling neutral about myself. I rarely feel loveable or good enough.

My Core Circuit is a 2 or 3. I know I am not bad, and I’m definitely not broken, but I have this feeling of being a fraud at times, like deep inside, I know I am no good, and I try to pretend that I’m fine.

I’d put my Core Circuit at a 5. My mother told me I was an accident, and I have vivid memories of my three older sisters standing around me at age two, making fun of me. They were aggressive and mean to me.

Clear the Clutter

To rewire this circuit, complain that you feel like you are a bad person. Then spiral up until you feel at peace. Outrage works well here and is warranted. How can an innocent child be saddled with a big circuit that says, “You are bad”? Grieve what that wire has cost you with as many Cycles as needed. Do not short-change yourself!

The situation is…I go around feeling like a bad person. My mind is constantly keeping score of what bad things I am doing. I assume everyone knows I am a loser, and what did I do to deserve that? What I’m most stressed about is…I have had a cloud over me all my &^%$#$%^ life! I feel angry that I have a cloud over me. I can’t stand it that I have a cloud over me. I HATE it that I have a cloud over me. I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE it, I really, really HATE it…My one deepest sadness is…I have been depressed my entire life. I feel afraid that…if I don’t resolve this, the consequences that matter to me are…I will be depressed for the rest of my life. I will alienate my family and be a bad employee, daughter, and wife…I DO have some power here. I feel guilty. Why don’t I just…realize it is just a wire and I need to FRY that WIRE!

I feel grateful that I can rewire it. I feel so happy that I feel buoyant now. I feel secure that I am a hard worker. I can rewire it. I feel proud that I am learning these skills. Who am I? I am a humble person who has a good heart. The challenge I am facing is… overcoming depression. Who do I want to be? A person who figures out what to do about it and does whatever it takes to get well. Given all that, I expect myself to do the best I can to clear the clutter. Positive, powerful thought? It’s not that hard. Essential pain? I am alone. Nobody can rescue me from this but me. My earned reward? Sanctuary…I feel better…a lightness in my chest. I spiraled up!

The Clear the Clutter for “I am not bad” Record

My most important learning from this activity:

Day 18: My Core Circuit: I am not bad.

Day 18 Activities

■ Spiral Up – I spiraled up 10 times.

■ Learn – I took inventory of my I am bad circuit and cleared clutter.

■ Connection – I made one or more Connections.

■ Reward – I identified why I did these activities: Sanctuary Authenticity

Vibrancy Integrity Intimacy Spirituality Freedom

Goals Met: 1 2 3 4

Every Spiral Up Counts! GREAT work! Collect a Joy Point!