Day 7
Emotional Freedom: The Forbidden Feeling Tool
On this 7th day of Authenticity, we expand our emotional capacities, as the basis of EBT is using emotions to switch circuits, which changes the electrical and chemical surges through our body and brain. EBT uses emotions as medicine.
Most of us grew up with emotional suppression, as there were some feelings that were not acceptable. All feelings are good feelings when we have the tools to process them. It’s suppressing emotions that causes chronic diseases and mental health problems, not to mention early death and ruined lives.
I grew up with the rule that “we don’t hate.” All that suppressing of these “bad feelings” made me hate more. I surrendered to letting myself hate, and the feeling became effervescent. By feeling the feeling intensely, I let the gas out of the bubbles of hate. A quiet calm came over me, then a wave of love.
I was deathly afraid to feel love. I didn’t feel love as a child, and then to put the last nail in the coffin of love, my ex-husband stole my money. Then, when I divorced him, he reported me as a cheat to the IRS, and I was audited. It took me four years to get out of that mess. I promised myself I’d never love again.
In the Warming Up activities, we boosted effectiveness in expressing the eight emotions of the EBT “natural flow of feelings.” This technique is reserved for the extreme emotions that were forbidden to us, the most common of which are: hostility, panic, depression, self-pity, hate, disgust, jealousy, love, compassion, gratitude, hope, forgiveness, awe, and joy. How do you free yourself up to feel your forbidden feelings? Select one feeling. Give the feeling a whimsical name to switch off the trigger to suppress it. Something silly or cute works well. Next, create an expectation that you do your best to amplify the emotions and prolong them throughout the day. Then, do that. Train your brain to express that feeling and find yourself with more emotional freedom!
The Forbidden Feeling Tool
Identify the feeling – The extreme positive or negative emotion that you do not allow yourself to feel:
Give it a whimsical name – As the brain has tagged that as unsafe, rename it with a cute or funny name. Examples: chocolate chip cookie, a trip to Tahiti, or Belly Laugh. What is your new name for this emotion?
Anticipate feeling that feeling – Create a Take Action Tool with the expectation that you are going to amplify, intensify, and prolong it!
■ I expect myself to do the best I can to experience my forbidden feeling (e.g., hate) as many times and to feel the feeling for as long as I can and as intensely as I can — to fully celebrate that emotion.
■ Positive, powerful thought?
■ Essential pain?
■ Earned reward?
I did this: YES NO
Feel and celebrate the feeling – When the feeling comes, say to yourself,
Day 7: Emotional Freedom: The Forbidden Feeling Tool
“It’s happening. It’s my (‘trip to Tahiti’). I’m going to feel it for as long as I can feel it and as intensely as I can — and fully celebrate my (‘trip to Tahiti’).”
I did this: 1 2 3+ TIMES
I chose panic because I have panic attacks, and I am a very anxious person. I am a surfer and decided to call my panic attacks my Perfect Wave. Ahhh, just saying that brings up images of being on my board and has me smiling. I used the Take Action Tool, and my reward was Vibrancy. I set my mind to being in joyful anticipation of having my Perfect Wave. Friends were visiting for the weekend, and I had a Perfect Wave. I felt like the holy &%$# was coming over me, but I kept telling myself it was my Perfect Wave and experienced that emotion. I felt it, and it faded. I am less afraid to feel now. That is one of the best tools in EBT.
My forbidden feeling was compassion. I have none. My mother was so drunk most nights that I thought I was going to die. I could not feel compassion. All I felt was terror, and compassion was not safe to feel. I called my forbidden feeling my Apple Pie a la Mode, my favorite dessert. My reward for joyfully anticipating it and, when it came, amplifying and extending it, was Authenticity. I was in a meeting with four co-workers, and another, Mary, did not show up. She messaged that her mother had had a stroke. I told myself to feel my Apple Pie a la Mode. A wave of compassion came over me, and instead of shutting it off, I wanted to stay with my Apple Pie a la Mode. I want to keep doing this. It was powerful.
My experience with the Forbidden Feeling Tool:
My most important learning from this activity:
Day 7 Activities
■ Spiral Up – I spiraled up 10 times.
■ Learn – I used the Forbidden Feeling Tool.
■ Connection – I made one or more Connections.
■ Reward – I identified why I did these activities: Sanctuary Authenticity
Vibrancy Integrity Intimacy Spirituality Freedom
Goals Met: 1 2 3 4
Good job. Collect a Joy Point!
Day 7: Emotional Freedom: The Forbidden Feeling Tool