WFJ Chapter 1: Sanctuary

Chapter 1

Sanctuary Feeling peace and power from within

11

About Sanctuary Sanctuary is the feeling of peace and power from within. It means feeling secure in yourself, and is the foundation for the other rewards.

EBT brings that reward through practice. It is normal to be in all levels of stress in any given day, even really stressed out.

The tools of EBT will give you the power to switch your brain from any level of stress back to feeling that peace and power. Over time, the brain learns to trust the tools, and to find peace and power from within.

Some of the stress we have that blocks us from feeling secure is due to early experiences, before the age of three and during traumatic times since then.

The brain remembers those messages, and stores them as wires in the emotional brain. Then during moments of stress when we most need to feel secure, it activates those wires. In EBT, we rewire those circuits so they stop causing chronic stress.

When the brain splits due to stress, we lose our sense of sanctuary. We do not feel peace and power from within and our emotional anchor inside is gone.

Also, that brain split caused by stress blocks our joy.

Most of the rewards that we experience in daily life come from the pleasure of the thinking brain securely 12

connecting to the emotional brain. We can feel our feelings. We can bring to mind our purpose in life and that activates the brain’s pleasure centers.

The first tool of EBT is Checking In, because it gives us the power to stop the split and to re-connect the thinking and emotional brain. That way we can experience more sanctuary, feeling peace and power from within.

My mind was wandering during a meeting. I knew I was not registering what was going on, so I used the Check In and felt peace and power inside. I tuned in to the conversation.

When my teen came home after midnight last night, I was spinning out of control. I was really scared and really angry. I checked in, as knowing that my brain was connected gave me more confidence in dealing with him about the issues.

Last night I went to the refrigerator to get something to eat, then noticed that I was not checked in. I used the master tool, and felt a wave of relaxation in my body. I turned around and left the kitchen. I didn’t want the food anymore.

13

Spotlight: EBT Check In Tool The Check In is the master tool of the method, and the goal is to use it often enough for it to become spontaneous more of the time. This won’t happen unless it is rewarding. So it is more important that you do something than that you do it perfectly. Perfect for you is what brings you a physiologic response, that is, a relaxation wave in the body.

Experiment with using ONLY belly breathing or just Body at 1 or even just warmly observing yourself, especially when you are stressed! You will find how best to become aware of your level of stress or “brain state.” Over time the emotional brain learns that the “go to” for safety is within. When stresses come, the brain naturally tunes into emotions, and we experience a sense of peace and power from within.

How to Check In 1. Deep Breaths Breathe into your belly, relaxing more with each exhale.

2. Body in Joy Shoulders back, chin up, a slight smile. Give your brain the message that you are in a state of wellbeing. This technique uses propioception, which is the power of the body to impact the state of the brain.

14

3. Warmly Observe Warmly observe yourself without judgment.

Be curious about your feelings, sensations and thoughts. Warmly Observe yourself in the present moment just as you are. No judgments.

This technique of decentering gives you a fresh perspective on yourself and brings a feeling of peace and power from within.

4. Feel A Wave of Relaxation?

Using those three techniques consecutively — taking deep, relaxing breaths and focusing on your breathing, making small but important adjustments in your posture and warmly observing yourself without judgment has two effects.

It can calm the stress response, and it can cause a slight wave of relaxation that activates the brain’s reward centers.

You can feel a slight glow. This feeling is a sign that your thinking brain has connected to your emotional brain and you have attuned to your feelings.

Sometimes you will feel that wave of relaxation and other times you will not feel it. When stress is higher, it can be more challenging to feel. However, each time you check in, you learn something, and you strengthen the wires that move you through stress back to joy.

15

Practicing this skill pays off. Your mastery of this tool not only calms the stress response, but it also creates a firm foundation for the Sanctuary Tool.

Planning Your Check Ins The emotional brain doesn’t like change, so even though you may intend to check in 10 times per day, a whole day can easily go by without taking any twominute vacations.

To get better results, record your Check Ins in this journal, and take 3 minutes per day to share your progress with another person. Also, create a plan for reminding yourself to check in.

Some people remind themselves to check in by using natural breaks in the day. However, most people find that they get better results with using an external device to remind them. How will you remind yourself to check in?

I will use natural breaks in the day to check in: Upon awakening Before going to bed Before each meal After each meal When showering or bathing Before work 16

After work Other:_____________________ I will set an hourly reminder to check in: On my telephone On my computer A timer An alarm Other:_________________

Joy Points A Joy Point is a moment when you feel a surge of relaxation and pleasure in your body. Sometimes that joy comes from a sensory pleasure, like being outdoors, petting the cat or listening to music.

A moment of joy can also come from bringing to mind a happy memory or anticipating seeing someone you love. Any experience of emotional connection – with yourself, with others or with the spiritual can activate a joy response.

Collecting moments of joy can be powerful. In those moments, the stress response calms down. The reward centers are flush with feel-good chemicals and you are aware of a slight surge of pleasure in your body. The brain can’t be in joy and stress at the same time, so joy swamps the stress.

17

Being on the lookout for moments of joy, then savoring them, is just a habit. If you’ve been stressed, you might have forgotten that habit, but you can pick it up again.

I had a cold and felt blue. Then I petted my cat and felt love for her. A Joy Point!

I was on the bus daydreaming, and brought to mind a passionate moment from the night before. Instant Joy Point.

In addition to checking in, keep track of your Joy Points. Be curious and have fun with it. Discover the power of Joy Points to ease your stress.

Emotional Evolution: Existence The brain lays down wires in response to stress and we have identified 7 of these expectations. Rewiring those circuits makes experiencing rewards easier. You can begin experimenting with rewiring these circuits in this course. Rewiring promotes emotional evolution.

During the first three years of life and later, during trauma, we can easily encode the most fundamental circuit: “I do not exist.” During intense stress, the thinking brain and the emotional brain separate, and our experience is that we are overwhelmed, obliterated or wiped out.

18

This circuit may only get activated when we are highly stressed. However, beginning to rewire it can add to our sense of peace and power from within.

Grind ins To rewire it, you can do a Grind In. First state the reasonable expectation, then the essential pain, the reality you must face to accept that new expectation, and finally the earned reward you will receive for accepting it. Do this often, even 10 times per day, if you find it helpful.

Core Expectation: I do exist.

Essential Pain: I am alone.

Earned Reward: Sanctuary

I got really stressed at work yesterday. I said to myself 10 times: I do exist. The truth is that I am alone. If I can face that essential pain of life, I can feel peace and power inside. About the 3rd time I said that I felt my body relax.

I have been using this Grind In, writing it down, and saying it to myself when I’m stressed. I do exist. The essential pain is that I am alone, but I do have me. I have a sanctuary within.

19

Brain Fitness Supplements The brain needs certain nutrients to make new brain cells and for those brain cells to latch onto wires. Also, the brain needs nutrients to support optimal health.

We recommend that you take the vitamin and mineral supplements and the medications that your physician recommends. In addition, for brain fitness, speak with your physician about taking 2 grams of fish oil or 1 teaspoon cod liver oil.

These fish oils contain anti-inflammatory omega-3 fatty acids, such as docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) which research has shown are essential to the health of your brain.

Exercise Exercise has a powerful influence on mood and brain fitness. One of the benefits of physical activity is the release of brain derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF).

BDNF is like food for the brain, increasing production of nerve cells or neurons in the brain. This helps your brain fitness.

We recommend 30 minutes of exercise per day for brain fitness. Once you accomplish that, consider moving it up to 45 minutes per day, then to 60 minutes per day, the recommendation for healthy 20

adults. Check with your physician to be sure that exercise is safe for you.

Connection To improve your results, connect with another person who is using EBT (Community Connection).

Take 3 minutes daily by phone or text to tell them how many Check Ins you did the day before, how many minutes of exercise and, if you had a Joy Point share it.

If you don’t have a friend, family member or co-worker who has an EBT practice, check the New Connections forum board on the website to find someone.

The emotional brain is a social brain. When you take those 3 minutes, you’ll practice more and you’ll get better results.

Website Support: www.ebt.org Check In Line: 877-765-4JOY

21

My Check Ins

Deep Body

Breaths in Joy

Warmly Observe Myself

Feel a Wave of Relaxation My Body?

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

22

My Progress Check-Ins 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

7

8

9

10

Joy Points 1

2

Grind Ins?

3

4

5

6

YES

Exercise 30 45 60 Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

23

My Check Ins

Deep Body

Breaths in Joy

Warmly Observe Myself

Feel a Wave of Relaxation My Body?

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

24

My Progress Check-Ins 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

7

8

9

10

Joy Points 1

2

Grind Ins?

3

4

5

6

YES

Exercise 30 45 60 Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

25

My Check Ins

Deep Body

Breaths in Joy

Warmly Observe Myself

Feel a Wave of Relaxation My Body?

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

26

My Progress Check-Ins 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

7

8

9

10

Joy Points 1

2

Grind Ins?

3

4

5

6

YES

Exercise 30 45 60 Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

27

My Check Ins

Deep Body

Breaths in Joy

Warmly Observe Myself

Feel a Wave of Relaxation My Body?

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

28

My Progress Check-Ins 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

7

8

9

10

Joy Points 1

2

Grind Ins?

3

4

5

6

YES

Exercise 30 45 60 Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

29

My Check Ins

Deep Body

Breaths in Joy

Warmly Observe Myself

Feel a Wave of Relaxation My Body?

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

n

n

n YES

30

My Progress Check-Ins 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

7

8

9

10

Joy Points 1

2

Grind Ins?

3

4

5

6

YES

Exercise 30 45 60 Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

31

32

Chapter 2

Authenticity Feeling whole and being genuine

33