May 2011 by Carie Trost

Emphasis On Moms ~ May 2011

In This Issue: Home Impressions: The Troll of Emotions Heartstrings: Great Is Thy

Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there. ~ John Wooden

Faithfulness Memory Lane: Sweet Summers Mom Minute: I’m Only One Person Applause! (Lady of the Month): Becki Sparre Nurture Your Soul: Love Lives In the Chasm Timeout: Patience In An Instant World Treasure Box: I Chronicles 22:11-12 All About Relationships: Confession Is Thanksgiving

Make sure to visit our website! http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com 2

Home Impressions

THE TROLL OF EMOTIONS ~ Susan Lawrence I was around five years old and on vacation in Florida when I heard my parents talking about a toll bridge. Except I didn’t hear “toll bridge.” I heard “troll bridge” – and I was scared. Being scared quickly escalated to petrified when my sisters – on either side of me in the backseat – began sharing troll stories. I was scared enough just thinking of the trolls in Three Billy Goats Gruff, and those were drawings. When my sisters started describing the menacing, vengeful trolls of their twisted imaginations, I couldn’t take it any longer. We had to cross the toll bridge, but I didn’t have to look. I crouched on the floorboard and tried to slide as far under the seat as possible. The trolls didn’t get me, and my now apparent fear got my mom’s attention. She reprimanded my sisters, but it didn’t do much good. They’d seen the fear in my eyes, and they were going to carry this as far as they could. Each night in the hotel, two of us would share a bed, Mom and Dad would get a bed, and the other girl slept on a rollaway bed. I loved the rollaway bed, so I looked forward to my nights. As we approached the hotel later in the toll bridge day, whichever sister had the rollaway assignment for the night asked if I wanted to trade nights. Of course, I did! At least something was going right in my day.

I should have known. My sister didn’t offer to exchange nights out of the goodness of her heart. It was a conspiracy to torment me. You see, the rollaway would be placed in the open space by the balcony overlooking the ocean. A beautiful view – until my sisters started sharing stories of how the trolls trudged out of the ocean every evening looking for little girls to eat and how trolls ate the first girl they saw, which would obviously be the one closest to the ocean. I think they also told me something twisted like the only way the troll wouldn’t get me is if I was really still and didn’t say anything about being scared. A slick way to get me not to tell Mom and Dad I was terrified!

(continued)

I remember what that room looked like in the light and in the dark, what the crashing waves sounded like, and what my sisters’ occasional muffled giggles sounded like. I didn’t know if I would survive the night, but of course, I did. I don’t know if Mom or Dad put a stop to the torment or not, but I don’t remember any more nights of terror. The next day wasn’t as scary in the daylight, and I enjoyed beach time. A half dozen years later, I opened a gift from my sisters. It was an ugly troll. Very funny. Of course, I laugh at myself now, but my fear was real when I was five years old. I wanted to hide or escape. I had trouble sleeping. My imagination wildly soared. My fear was real. The reason for my fear was not.

Fear is complex. We rarely experience fear by itself. We mix it up with a variety of other emotions: anxiety, worry, uncertainty, apprehension. We toss in a little of this and a little of that with no recipe until the dish we feast on is a casserole of jumbled and often indiscernible ingredients. We’re not sure what we’re eating. We’re not sure how we created it. We doubt anyone else could replicate it. We place it in the center of the table as our main dish of the day. Fear Casserole. Ask yourself: • • • •

How is my past experience with fear affecting today? How is fear affecting my future? Is fear drawing me to or separating me from God?

The Lord is my light and the one who saves me. So why should I fear anyone? The Lord protects my life. So why should I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

Susan’s new Bible study, Pure Emotion, digs into how to discern between godly and ungodly fear and other emotions, such as anger, guilt, anxiety and more. Order it today at http://purepurposebook.wordpress.com/

Nurture Your Soul

Love In The Chasm – Sarah Markley

I just have to give it up that no one is going to love my kid as much as I do. Not any teacher. Not a sister. Not even a grandmother or an aunt. It’s just that way. I tell my oldest that I love her. And she asks, maybe testing, How much? To the moon and back at least, Mama? Yes, to the moon and back. How about to Pluto and back? That’s far. How about to heaven and back, she asks. (but she doesn’t know that heaven is closer than she knows). And then I say to her, You won’t understand how much I love you until you have a little girl yourself. And then you will see just what I mean when I tell you that I love you. Pluto, the moon, heaven…all of it is too close. God gives a special heart to mothers and fathers. One that looks past dirty diapers, flu symptoms in the middle of the night and possible H1N1 infection. This heart doesn’t care about three-year-old morning breath or fingernails so dirty they should be clipped instead of scrubbed. A parent’s love doesn’t worry about sweaty soccer shin guards or tantrums in the preschool classroom. They kiss the dirt in skinned knees and the picks up pieces of shattered hearts. Love covers these. And makes up for them. Love lives in the chasm between selfishness and selflessness.

When kids are loved like this, they are free to run and make mistakes and ask hard questions. They can cry and hurt and open little hearts to be healed. My girls know that they are loved, they know that they are prized and they know that even if everyone else in life is against them, I will stand up for them. In this kind of love, there is a freedom. This protect-at-all-cost love is the same that God has for us. We test Him all the time, How much do you love me? What if I do this? Will you still love me? And He says, Yes. He looks past our grimy fingernails and our intentional sins. His love covers our gossip and our hurtful words and the lies we tell. He doesn’t take it personally when we forget to thank Him or don’t give our lunch to the hungry. His love for us is like no other. No husband or earthly mother can love us the same as He does. His is fierce and strong and does not waver. He never thinks twice about the cost of loving us, the people that damage one another and so often forget that we need someone to bridge our gaps. Between our selfishness and selflessness. Between bitterness and forgiveness. Between anger and mercy. His perfect love lives in the chasm for us. How has God’s love “lived in the chasm” for you lately?

Sarah Markley is a freelance writer and a stay at home mom. She lives in Southern California with her husband, Chad and her daughters Hope and Naomi. She blogs daily about faith, marriage and mothering at http://www.sarahmarkley.com.

Originally published at www.sarahmarkley.com in October 2009.

MEMORY LANE

Sweet Summers ~ By Zhanna Mikhno Can you guess what I loved most about summers as a child? Splashing in the pool? Grilled hot dogs? Refreshing popsicles? Staying up late and sleeping in? Although all of those things were the staple of a warm and sunny season void of school, none of them were the highlight. Since my parents were huge proponents of supporting family owned farms, they made it a yearly tradition to go and pick their own produce. Not to mention, taking the entire family was a priority. Whatever was in season, all seven of us would pile up in our big Ford van, leave the city behind and scour the crops. Sweet dark cherries. Juicy tomatoes. Bright, tart raspberries.

Indulging in these fresh fruits and veggies was definitely perfection However, picking them was even better. I loved the sense of serenity and the fragrant breeze. I loved the sound beneath my feet while walking through the aisles of orchards or bushes. Most of all, I loved conversing with my mom and dad. Important talks. Free of all distractions. I wanted to know what grapes needed to make them grow or whether there would be lots of blueberries in heaven. In my eyes, my parents had all the answers. As they taught, I learned, soaking up every word, every smile, and every glance in my direction. Little did they know that these simple yearly outings amongst the peaceful farms would not only leave a lasting imprint upon my heart but also play an important role in making me who I am today. These are one of the sweetest memories I have of my childhood. And I want to recreate them for my two little girls. Even though it is already summer in our neck of the woods, for others it’s around the corner which means now would be a great time to do a little research on some local farms. Make a list of places that allow you to pick your own produce, pack a small cooler with sandwiches and chilled drinks, grab the kids and head on out. As you slowly fill your buckets, start a conversation that stirs fascination and inspiration.

Answer their questions. Make them laugh. Chase them through the orchards. Hold them tight and enjoy a picnic in the shade. Create a memory that will have their love tank overflowing.

~ Zhanna Mikhno is a stay at home mom to 2 little girls and a wife to her best friend. Aside from having the most important job in the world, she holds a B.A. in English Literature and Creative Writing and wants her words to give God all the glory.

Our "Heartstrings" author -‐ Angie Maldonado -‐ has her first Bible Study out! Exploring the mindsets, habits, and strongholds that dim our lights for Christ, author Angie Maldonado uncovers how you can move beyond dim and Let Your Light Shine to a watching world around you. With the use of Biblical study, exhortation, and personal application, Let Your Light Shine will guide you to true change and into the Christian woman God intended.http://letyourlightshineam.com/

All that I needed, Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me. I’d sang those words a hundred times before, but this time something hit me afresh. All that I needed—He’s the determiner of that too. What I mean is, I’ve often contemplated and prayed for the Lord’s provision, but I’d not often thought about that fact that He not only provides, but also determines my needs in order to make the provision for them. Seems simple, but there’s a little complexity to it. See, if I determine my needs, then I’m easily led on a path of doubt in His provision. If He decides what I need, then I can rest secure He will provide for them. Let’s play this out in our marriages. If I conclude that I need more financial freedom in the family budget and it’s not forthcoming, I may be tempted to doubt the Lord’s provision, creating potential strife in my marriage relationship and certainly in my spiritual walk. Instead, I could contentedly resolve to the fact that God knows best what I need in the area of our finances and He has and is providing accordingly. If I ascertain that I need my husband to be more involved with me in ministry, but the Lord is calling my husband in other directions, perhaps it’s not God’s provision that I should doubt, but instead my own assessment of my needs. Of course, I don’t mean for this to be an indissoluble rule whenever things aren’t working out perfectly.

What I’m suggesting is that we consider our own willingness to relinquish control, even over the determining of our needs, not just the provision for them. Matthew 6:8 tells us our Heavenly Father knows what we need before we ask Him. This can get tougher the older we get, ironically. Once we’ve got a few anniversaries under our belts, we think we have an accurate picture of our needs in the marriage. While I’m sure we gain some wisdom through the years, we must still be humble enough to realize that God knows better what we need than we do. So when your husband isn’t cooperating with the family schedule or the parenting interventions you’ve settled on as needs, be open to asking the Lord if in fact they are needs He has decided upon for your family. If they are, then He will provide. I can honestly say, over the years, I’ve decided I needed things that God did not think I needed—disappointing! Remember the first step in asking for His provision is to ask first what God thinks you need. He may have a lesson in store for you that you hadn’t expected.

Great is Thy faithfulness By Angie Maldonado

Heartstrings

~ Angie Maldonado is a home schooling mom of two girls (ages 7 and 9) and an Army wife. She desires to leave a remarkable spiritual legacy to her two girls and to see them mature with hearts to serve the Lord. Angie has experienced the renovating power of the Lord at work in her marriage, and considers it a great blessing to use what she has learned to help build other women in their faith. Her first book, Let Your Light Shine, is now available through a division of Lifeway, www.crossbooks.com, at her website, www.letyourlightshineam.com , or through your favorite online book retailer.

A Mom Minute

By Dionna Sanchez

I’m Only One Person Sometimes when I’m really overwhelmed at home, I tell my family, “I’m only one person!” Those words can be used in so many situations in life. When the school wants me to come up with a costume for a special party, and I need to prepare for that Bible Study meeting, while getting my daughter some much needed personal items at the store, and coming up with something for dinner, while giving my husband some needed one-onone time, and not forgetting to submit that article that has a deadline, but never neglecting friends and family who I’m long overdue in speaking to, and diligently giving myself over to some quiet time with God, and…… ….and more. There is always more. There is always something someone needs from me. Usually, I’m very happy to give it. But then I discover, at times, that the “someone” is always happy to take it. And I’m left feeling empty – needing refueling. Refilling. There are people in your life right now, who freely and lovingly give to you. They don’t do it for recognition. They do it out of joy. Love. Servitude. However, they do it, they still have families. Commitments. Responsiblities. Dreams.

(continued) 11

It is so easy for us to take from those who are willing to give to us. It’s a blessing to have people like that in our lives. Yet, we tend to forget their needs. Their wishes. Their time. Their strength. No one has endless strength. No one has an endless supply of joy. No one gets enough rest every day. And no one – at times - doesn’t feel taken for granted. I don’t know who God has placed in your life that has given to you. Maybe it’s your hairdresser, your Pastor’s wife, your babysitter, or that person online who always leaves an encouraging word on your blog. I’m not talking about the obvious person. But the not-so-obvious person. The parent who is faithfully helping you out in class. The friend’s mom who endlessly takes your child to and from social events without complaint. The mentor at church who always stops to hug you. Whoever it is, whenever it is – they are God’s gift to you. Pray for them. Appreciate them. Give back to them once in awhile. For if they grow discouraged enough, they might think about quitting. They might give up on encouraging. And that would be a tragedy. They are only one person. One person we need.

~ Dionna Sanchez writes from her home in Idaho. She is passionate about faith and family and serving her God. You can visit Dionna’s blog at http://beautyinthestorm.blogspot.com or contact her at madetomom@yahoo.com

Social Graces

Online Etiquette These days, we can all say we know a published author...in fact, most of us are one. Twitter, FaceBook, blogs...all of these social media websites provide open forums for thoughts and opinions. It is wise to remember that we are accountable for our words, both spoken and written. Always be

responsible and mindful of what you post for others to read. ~ Edie Bunch

All About Relationships

Confession Is Thanksgiving ~ By Victoria B. Jenkins

Ever have one of those days {or 12 of 'em} where you seem to hold back tears at every turn? No hormones to blame. No circumstance to overcome. No rhyme or reason, just an overwhelming well waiting to overflow when given the chance.

Admitting that life gets ugly...especially on the inside. Can this be the greatest gift we fallible beings can offer? Oh God can offer eternity, hope, salvation, and so much more by means of His use of us, but I can't think of anything we can give that matches the value of empathy.

How much do you need to hear today that someone else failed in the same way you have? It isn't that we don't want to be the only one struggling, it isn't that we need to know other people suffer, it is so much more. We need to know that someone understands. We need the opportunity to lift up a sister in heartache to show us Savoring God's faithfulness and the way out of our own. We need nudging each other to never the compassion and the practice of forget it...to never forget Him. healing with our hearts and Stripping away the "all is well" feeling with our heads and disguise we wear, whether we slip holding hands with human beings. it on with intent or innocence, and We need. declaring--confessing--that nothing is perfect. I suppose that's a rhetorical question, since Scripture teaches that our pain is not unique to us. Not one to live by the whole "misery loves company" bit, I prefer to think that sorrow is best shared among sisters.

Ever hate everything and nothing all at once? Been so frustrated that you want to run away and then find yourself in a puddle at the realization that there is nowhere for you to run? Nowhere you'd even want to go? Food, tasteless. Movies, unentertaining. Books, a task you'd rather not take on. We're not alone. You know, we're never alone. Not only do we share common struggles faced by man since the Creation, we also have an unwavering God who stands beside us all the while. He's waiting around to be gracious to us. Wow. You can join Victoria each Friday as she shares her heart for Biblical Friendships at http://biblicalfriendship.com

Treasure Box “Now, my son, may the LORD be with you and give you success as you follow His instructions in building the Temple of the LORD your God. And may the LORD give you wisdom and understanding, that you may obey the law of the LORD your God as you rule over Israel.” 1 Chronicles 22:11-12 These words were spoken by King David to his son, Solomon. They are a great encouragement to me as a mom, because they give me hope for the prayers that I pray for my own children. King Solomon has always been credited with having great wisdom. We are told that when God asked Solomon what he wanted from Him, Solomon’s request was for wisdom and knowledge so he could rule his people properly. But where did Solomon first get the wisdom, to ask for wisdom? Perhaps the answer is in this blessing that David first spoke over his son; and in answer to David’s request, God gave Solomon enough wisdom to ask for further wisdom and knowledge. ~ Cheryl Heindel 15

Patience In An Instant World ~ By Jenn Whitmer

Timeout

Maybe I’m the only one, but do you ever experience these delay tactics from your children? The purposefully slow feet, the reading just one more page, taking a side trip before completing the task, finishing the level on the game, finishing the text…all examples of delayed obedience. If I am short on patience, these are the behaviors that push me right on over that edge of sanity! I want my children to obey the first time, right away, without argument. Dream big, right! Delayed Obedience is Disobedience I’m sure my four children tire of hearing this phrase, but it is a reminder I have to say often in our house. Decide what consequence this deserves in your house, and consistently apply it. For our family, that is often the same consequence as if they did not obey at all or a doubling of activity. For example, if I’ve asked my child to load the dishwasher and whining and inactivity ensues, not only does he have to load the dishwasher, but also collect the trash. The point you are trying to communicate to your child is that when you obey the first time, it goes better for you!

Asking to Wait There are times when your child is truly in the middle of something and your instruction can actually wait. Teach your child to ask politely, “May I do this/finish this or would you like me to do that now?” When the question comes with a kind voice and a willingness for either answer, I find that I’m often keen to allow them to finish what they are doing. Praise them for asking well and even give a little reward. Something like, “Thank you for asking so well. I do need you to do this now, but you may have 10 extra minutes of computer time after you complete this.” But when the whining or “I AM doing it” (when they are clearly not) come out, then that’s a delay that requires a consequence. Immediate but not Instant I find it so easy to expect an instant response from my children, which is helpful to no one. The faster our world moves, the faster pace we come to expect from people’s responses. The truth is, human brains don’t really move that much faster than they did with Adam and Eve. We must allow time for our children to hear, comprehend, and decide. When giving a direction, first, make sure you have their attention. Calling out a direction from the other room doesn’t usually work. Look at your child and have them look at you. After you give the direction, wait. I often count in my head to 5 (not out loud!). That gives my children an opportunity to understand and respond. I’ve found that slowing down just a little, rather that shouting out an order and walking away expecting instant compliance, we have a greater success rate with first-‐time obedience. We are training our children to obey us, society’s laws, but ultimately God. He is gentle and gracious with us. We need to emulate his gracious discipline of us. He does ask us to obey without delay, but He waits for us to understand what He’s asking, even if not always why He’s asking. Correct delay, but be patient when they seek to understand.

Jenn Whitmer lives and laughs with her husband, two sons, and 2 daughters in St. Louis, Missouri. Send Email Jennifer at jenniferwhitmer@gmail.com with any thoughts or questions.

Applause! (Lady of the Month)

Name: Becki Sparre

Number of children and ages: 4 children: 38, 35, 31, 28

City and State (or country): Molalla, OR

Favorite low-fat snack? carrots or celery

What is your favorite song to belt out in the car? A praise/worship song that comes to mind or an old hymn. Who is a role model for you --- and why? An older godly woman (or man) who accepts her age and circumstances with grace and confidence in the Lord. Because I want to age with godliness, grace and confidence. Have you discovered something new about yourself lately? Something you like or can do? Not sure on this one, maybe I'm dense when it comes to discovery about myself. :) I've never thought of myself as much of a writer, however, I am about to help a younger woman with a "help" book. Maybe this project will help me discover something new about myself and prove to be something I enjoy. ??? :) How do you deal with negative thoughts? Most often I turn to a psalm, a worship song or a previously memorized scripture that is uplifting. Are you more like Mary or Martha in the Bible? How is this a blessing or a curse for you? I am closer to being a Martha which, in my opinion, has been more of a blessing than a curse. I enjoy being hospitable and serving others. Are you "up-to-date" with current trends? (twitter, facebook, texting, etc) I mainly text with my children and do have a facebook account though I don't comment as much as read "friends" updates. As a parent, what is one thing you think you've done right? Encouraged my children to seek God first and follow Him -- they have faltered at times, but each one is committed to the Lord. 18

Potpourri

Most of us donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think about the effects that cleaners can have on children. Usually we concentrate on the task at hand (cleaning) and getting it done. However, it is important to realize that some cleaners can be harmful to children! For one, it is important to avoid aerosol cleaners. The fine mist given off by aerosol cans is absorbed easily into the lungs, especially little lungs. Choose pump spray cleaners instead. Another deceptive trait of cleaners is scent. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a wonderful feeling to walk into a room and breathe in a refreshing odor. However, the added fragrance emits even more potentially hazardous chemicals. Usually the fragrance is more toxic than the cleaner! Purchase unscented cleaners in order to reduce dangerous chemicals in your home. Lastly, try your hand at making your own cleaners. There are quite a few cleaning recipes, which you can make with products you have at home. These home made cleaners can offer cleaning power without the harsh chemicals. They are much safer and less expensive. One example is using a mixture of baking soda and dishwashing detergent to clean your bathtub. Believe it or not, this remedy requires no pre-mixing. Just shake some baking soda on the bathtub and add some dishwashing detergent, then clean as usual. The best part is, your homemade cleaner is safe for everyone.

~ Amy McCormick 19

Does Emphasis encourage your heart?? Take a minute to let Dionna know, or support the ministry through prayer or a donation. Visit http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com or email at madetomom@yahoo.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The appearance of advertising in Emphasis should not be interpreted as an endorsement of the service, product, business, or program being advertised. Emphasis On Moms takes no responsibility for claims or representations made in any ads. Emphasis On Moms is for your information and entertainment purposes only. In no event shall Dionna Sanchez be liable for any damages whatsoever resulting from any action arising in connection with the use of this information or its publication, including any action for infringement of copyright or defamation. ~~~~~~~~~~ EMPHASIS ON MOMS is here for you as a ministry to encourage your heart. It comes from Dionna's heart and devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. If you have a prayer request or would like to find out more how you can ask Jesus into your heart to become a part of your life; email me Dionna at madetomom@yahoo.com.