EXCEPTIONAL NEEDS TODAY ISSUE 16

THE REACH FOR ME NETWORK’S EMPOWERING MISSION

SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER AREVA MARTIN LAUNCHES REVOLUTIONARY AUTISM CENTER

SENSORY PLAY IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD!

DEVELOPING VISUAL MOTOR INTEGRATION

KATE SWENSON: LOVING BROTHERS PLAN FOR TOMORROW

Building

A Special Needs Plan can help answer these questions:

1. Who is going to take care of your child after you are gone and where will they live?

2. How much will that care cost and how are you going to pay for that care?

3. Do you have a special needs trust and do you know how much money you will need in it? How are you going to fund it? How are the funding instruments taxed when you die?

4. What government benefits are available to your child and how do you apply for them?

5. What is the Medicaid waiver and how do you apply for it?

6. How will you communicate your plan to family members?

www.ASpecialNeedsPlan.com

Phone (704) 326-7910

OUR COVER STORIES

AREVA MARTIN LAUNCHES THE REVOLUTIONARY CENTER FOR AUTISM AND DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES

Karen Dempsey and Meshell Baylor, MHS

Find out how Areva Martin was inspired to develop a welcoming, comprehensive space for underserved families in the community and the decade-long journey to achieving this goal.

12

CARING FOR THE CAREGIVERS: THE REACH FOR ME NETWORK'S

EMPOWERING MISSION

Michael A. Boylan

Get to know the Reach for Me Network and how it aims to improve the quality of life for the exceptional needs community by aiding parents and primary caregivers.

LOVING BROTHERS PLAN FOR TOMORROW WITH AUTISM

Kate Swenson

An acclaimed author and mom to four amazing children shares insight into the devoted relationship between her neurotypical son and his older brother diagnosed with autism.

ALL THINGS OT

DEVELOPING VISUAL MOTOR INTEGRATION WITH YOUR EXCEPTIONAL NEEDS CHILD

Laura A. Ryan, OT, OTR, OTD

Learn what factors comprise Visual Motor Integration, what the skill is used for, and multiple activities that can encourage its development.

68 NATURE NOTES

MESSY FUN: SENSORY PLAY IN YOUR OWN BACKYARD!

Amy Wagenfeld, PhD, OTR/L, SCEM, EDAC, FAOTA

Get your hands dirty and guide your child to enjoy playing with soil by trying 10 different sensory activities. 10 ARTICLES

14 NAVIGATING DIVORCE WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH DIFFERENT ABILITIES

Mary Ann Hughes, MBA

Find out what resources are available and necessary for maneuvering through divorce.

18 SHAPING OUR FUTURE

I’M NOT READY: SUPPORTING DIFFERENTLY ABLED KIDS THROUGH CHANGES IN ROUTINE

Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L

Practice patience and work with your child to understand how the slightest change in routine can keep them from feeling “ready” to complete a task and how to adapt.

22 IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO SUPPORT CAREGIVERS RAISING A CHILD WITH DIFFERENT ABILITIES

Meshell Baylor, MHS

Learn about the risk of mental strain that comes with being a super parent for a child with different abilities and learn points to consider when monitoring mental health.

26 IT’S THE FAMILY, NOT JUST THE SPECIAL NEEDS DIAGNOSIS

Karen Kaplan, MS

Discover the necessity of analyzing a family unit’s identity and the roles of its members to design a functional intervention plan for a person with exceptional needs.

29 IMPROV PROGRAM PROVIDES MISSING PIECE IN BUILDING SOCIAL SKILLS

Lisa Jan Sherman, BA, and Laura

Wahl McAlpine, MEd CCC-SLP

Learn about improvisational acting as a communication intervention tool and the multiple aspects of socialization it can assist in developing.

32 EXEPTIONAL SPOTLIGHT NONPROFIT CEO HELPS DREAMS COME TRUE IN THE AUTISM COMMUNITY

Haiku Haughton

Meet Jeanetta Bryant and learn what goes on behind the scenes as she helps families feel they are part of a community and meet their goals.

38 INCLUSIVE THEATRE COMPANY PROVIDES ULTIMATE GIFT TO ALL PEOPLE

Melissa D. Dean, PhD

Experience the beauty of inclusion through the eyes of a devoted mother of children with different abilities.

42 CELEBRATING THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY: A TRIBUTE TO STRENGTH AND RESILIENCE

J. Edwards Holt

Appreciate the tenacity of the exceptional needs community and discover ways to celebrate, support, and advocate, particularly regarding mental health literacy and accessibility.

47 THE FRIENDSHIP & DATING DUO HELP! I’M NEURODIVERGENT, AND NOBODY EVER ASKS ME TO HANG OUT

Jeremy and Ilana Hamburgh

Consider why you are not always invited out and how to approach building a refreshed social network as a neurodivergent adult.

50 EXCEPTIONAL ADVICE FROM MESHELL BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS CAN HELP DIFFERENT ABILITIES FAMILIES FLOURISH

Meshell Baylor, MHS

Discover ways to provide a safety net of familial support for when a young person with exceptional needs is overwhelmed with the transition to adulthood.

52 WAYS THE WORKPLACE CAN REDUCE STIGMA AND IMPROVE PRODUCTIVITY THROUGH EMPLOYEE RESOURCE GROUPS

Jagmeet Sangha, BCBA

Consider how communal bonding can benefit neurodivergent and other marginalized employees and the companies for whom they work.

54 SAFETY GOALS WITH NICOLE TEACHING BASIC SAFETY SKILLS TO YOUR LOVED ONE WITH DIFFERENT ABILITIES

Nicole Moehring

Consider how to begin instructing a child with exceptional needs on personal safety to best suit their learning style, skill level, and risk level.

56 NAVIGATING THE AUTISM SPECTRUM: A PARENTAL PERSPECTIVE OF YOUR FAMILY'S JOURNEY

Dan Holmes and Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes, EdD, MA, BCCC

Follow an autism family's guide to keeping up with a neurodivergent diagnosis and family tensions.

60 FINANCIAL FOCUS START SPECIAL NEEDS PLANNING EARLY WITH TOP GUIDANCE

Ryan F. Platt, MBA, ChFC, ChSNC, CFBS

Learn ways to identify, construct, and implement a special needs plan when you can no longer support someone you love.

62 KATE MAKES IT GREAT! BUTTON PUSHING: WHY YOUR DIFFERENT ABILITY LOVED ONE SEEKS YOUR REACTION

Kate C. Wilde

Discover why your child or adult blatantly provokes you with behavior that gets under your skin and how to approach reducing it.

66 UNDERSTANDING THE MANY FACETS OF THE SPECIAL EDUCATION SYSTEM

Priya Pasumarthy, MS

Take a slightly more profound look at autism and what makes it a less understood condition.

72 FIVE WAYS YOUR CHURCH CAN BE MORE INCLUSIVE FOR PEOPLE WITH AUTISM

Ron Sandison, MDiv

Meet an autistic minister and learn his thoughts on making a church environment more comfortable for neurodiverse people.

Our mission is to educate, support, and energize families, caregivers, educators, and professionals while preparing all families for a healthy future.

exceptionalneedstoday.com

From the Editor’s Desk

How are you supported? Do you have family and friends to connect with regularly? Do you feel seen in your community? Whether it’s physical, social, emotional, or mental support, we all need to feel valued and a part of a team. Our health and well-being depend on it.

I am continuously energized by the self-advocates, caregivers, and community members who work tirelessly to make positive change. So, you can imagine how thrilled I was when Areva Martin, Esq, told me about the innovative Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities (CADD) she launched in California. An award-winning civil rights attorney and the mother of a young man on the autism spectrum, Areva is deeply aware of the difficulties parents face when trying to obtain services. As the founder of A Special Needs Network, she promotes social justice, equality, and dignity for children with disabilities. Learning about new facilities and resources in the different abilities community is always exciting. Not only do these centers provide much-needed resources, but they also act as an inspiration for others to do the same. To learn more about the extraordinary resources provided by CADD, read Areva Martin Launches the Revolutionary Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities written by Karen Dempsey and Meshell Baylor, MHS.

Another fantastic individual with an extraordinary vision is Michael A. Boylan, founder of Reach for Me Network. A single father of a special needs child, Michael launched his internetbased membership network to provide vital support, caregiveroriented advocacy, and a step-by-step program for parents/ families to improve their quality of life as caregivers. You don’t want to miss reading his piece, Caring for the Caregivers: The Reach for Me Network's Empowering Mission. Some of you may already have been introduced to Michael’s work in the community as Exceptional Needs Today partnered in providing 60-minute free webinars to provide a lifeline for families managing the care of special-needs children or aging relatives. We will discuss ways to navigate the system and cut through bureaucracy while focusing on efficiently resolving critical caregiver-related issues.

Finding social support is vital for all of us. It helps us feel comforted and acknowledged. Columnists Jeremy and Ilana Hamburgh have provided us with the insightful piece, Help! I’m Neurodivergent, and Nobody Ever Asks Me to Hang Out. Check out their article as they discuss how to approach building a refreshed social network as a neurodivergent adult. Jagmeet Sangha, BCBA has also contributed an excellent piece called Ways the Workplace Can Reduce Stigma and Improve Productivity Through Employee Resource Groups which explains how communal bonding can benefit companies and people with different abilities.

Social support is also crucial for development, as proven by participation in the Arts. Read Lisa Jan Sherman, BA, and Laura Wahl McAlpine, MEd CCC-SLP’s piece, Improv Program Provides Missing Piece in Building Social Skills, and Melissa D. Dean, PhD’s first-hand account, Inclusive Theatre Company Provides Ultimate Gift to ALL People.

When we receive emotional support, whether it’s verbal or nonverbal, we feel accepted, encouraged, and valued. Autistic minister Ron Sandison, MDiv. is committed to changing how families think within the church community and encourages others to follow suit. Read Five Ways Your Church Can Be More Inclusive for People with Autism as Ron shares his thoughts on making a church environment more accessible and comfortable for neurodiverse people. Helping a child adjust to changes in family dynamics and routines can significantly impact their life. Mary Ann Hughes, MBA, tackles this topic in her thoughtful article, Navigating Divorce When You Have a Child With Different Abilities

Our mental health affects how we handle stress, respond to others, and make choices. The mental strain that comes with being a super parent is vital to consider when monitoring mental health. Be sure to read It Takes a Village to Support Caregivers Raising a Child with Different Abilities, written by insightful columnist Meshell Baylor, MHS, mother of four children—two of whom are on the autism spectrum.

This issue contains more than 20 articles, including content on teaching basic safety skills to a loved one with different abilities, developing visual motor integration, creative ways to use sensory play in your backyard, and so much more. Don’t miss our newest column, Exceptional Spotlight, which aims to shed light on the extraordinary stories, achievements, and perspectives of those who have made significant contributions to the special needs community. Our goal for this column is to celebrate the diversity and unique talents that make our community truly exceptional.

As always, we thank our contributors, advertisers, and subscribers who continue to support and play an integral part in our award-winning magazine. Let's continue to work together to bring awareness, acceptance, and inclusion.

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Areva Martin Launches the Revolutionary Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities

By Karen Dempsey and Meshell Baylor, MHS

The groundbreaking Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities (CADD) opened just a few months ago—but the expansive project has been in the works for more than a decade. That is when Areva Martin, founder and president of Special Needs Network (SNN), first had the idea for a way to bring cutting-edge care to people who are most often left behind: the Black, brown, and poorer members of the exceptional needs community who are disenfranchised by traditional service delivery models. She would do it by building a welcoming space, designed to feel more like a home than a clinic, right in the heart of the community that needed it most.

The road to building the center was rocky at times as Martin worked to find the right partners, secure funding and an ideal location, and see the project through the challenges presented by the pandemic. But Martin's personal and professional lives have long been a story of persevering through hardship to deliver extraordinary accomplishments.

"I grew up in a St. Louis housing project raised by my grandmother and my godmother," Martin said. "They were incredible role models who taught me that I was capable of doing whatever I put my mind to. My godmother would bring me along to her night job cleaning office buildings and I witnessed her work with humility and pride, never ever complaining. My grandmother was confined to a wheelchair and shared with me her tremendous love of books and the power of reading as a way to escape my environment."

Martin embraced hard work and became the first person in her family to attend college, earning a scholarship to the University of Chicago and, eventually, Harvard Law School. She started her own law firm and became a bestselling author and media personality. But, along the way, she had to overcome the challenges of parenting a child with autism in a world where children of color are underdiagnosed and often overlooked by a biased healthcare system.

Seeing the hardships faced by other families impacted by disability catalyzed Martin into action. She launched the Special Needs Network and began working toward her dream of building the CADD. Located on the campus of the Martin Luther King Jr Hospital in Compton, the CADD’s sleek and impressive façade opens to a space that feels remarkably different from any clinic you might have visited in the past. Areva designed the CADD in collaboration with top designers who used Natural Environment Teaching (NET) principles in every aspect of the space. Everything you encounter, from chairs and fixtures to walkways and wall art, radiates the feeling of a warm and nurturing environment.

“As a mother to a child with special needs, I have spent countless hours in clinics, and despite the best efforts of the professionals who work there, the facilities themselves can feel clinical and isolating,” said Martin. “The environment of the CADD helps people feel connected and supported. We have built a place where children will have the best opportunity to grow and thrive, and you see the difference on the faces of the children from the moment they walk in, and you see it in the people who work here, too.”

A leader in antiracism work, Martin’s vision for the center included transforming the service delivery model into an approach that recognizes and embraces cultural differences and

centers the needs of the individual child and family. SNN has been working to create a pipeline of BIPOC clinicians trained in diversity, equity, and inclusion to address the lack of providers.

Martin is also working to integrate mental health care into the CADD’s services. Individuals with developmental disabilities have a high rate of co-occurring mental health needs, and their disabilities leave them both more vulnerable to adverse consequences and less likely to receive effective treatment.

“The CADD is a model of comprehensive care because it truly does look at the needs of the whole person,” said Martin. “There are so many aspects that make me proud, like the kitchen where kids can practice making healthy meals and the tech room where they can try their hand at making a podcast. But the times I am most moved are when I see families using the space to connect with one another and break through that isolation that can be so devastating.”

Martin recently created a photographic book illustrating the center’s history called, Roots of Resilience: Growing a Community for Autism Support, which narrates the shared odyssey in nurturing a community and creating a beacon of hope for those touched by autism. It is a tribute to the power of partnership and advocacy in overcoming obstacles. For parents and supporters, it is a visual reminder that despite the tremendous difficulties that come with receiving a diagnosis of autism, love, tenacity, and community can power you through.

Karen Dempsey writes about family and health issues. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, Brain, Child Magazine, Babble, and Full Grown People.

Meshell Baylor, MHS, is a mother of four children—two of whom are on the autism spectrum. She serves her community as a social worker and advocate within the Los Angeles area. She has a bachelor’s degree in human services from Springfield College and a Master of Science in Human and Social Services. Meshell continues to volunteer and give within her local area while serving the special needs community.

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Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities: snnla.org/c-a-d-d

Caring for the Caregivers: The Reach for Me Network’s Empowering Mission

By Michael A. Boylan

THE JOURNEY OF PARENTING A CHILD WITH SPECIAL NEEDS, REGARDLESS OF THE DIAGNOSIS, IS BOTH EXTRAORDINARY AND CHALLENGING. IT REQUIRES UNWAVERING DEDICATION, RESILIENCE, AND BOUNDLESS LOVE. HOWEVER, OFTEN OVERLOOKED ARE THE PARENTS AND PRIMARY CAREGIVERS WHO TIRELESSLY PROVIDE LOVE AND SUPPORT WHILE FACING UNIQUE CHALLENGES THEMSELVES.

Iam a single father who knows firsthand the joys and struggles of raising a child with special needs. The Reach for Me Network was founded to recognize this vital role. This incredible community is a beacon of support, connection, and caregiver-oriented advocacy, offering a lifeline to those in similar shoes.

The heart of the Reach for Me Network (RFM) beats with a simple yet powerful mission: to care for the caregivers. Every parent and primary caregiver of a special needs child, whether their challenges are cognitive or physical, young or adult, can find solace and strength within this unique network. RFM seeks to empower, uplift, and provide tools for caregivers to navigate the tough aspects of their journey, enhancing their mental health, well-being, and resilience. It’s about enabling caregivers to live their best lives while providing the love and support their children need.

The Reach for Me Network seeks to empower, uplift, and provide tools for caregivers to navigate the tough aspects of their journey, enhancing their mental health, well-being, and resilience.

The process offered by RFM is not a one-size-fits-all solution but rather a personalized and empathetic roadmap. It’s designed to help caregivers better manage the complexities that come their way and encompasses essential aspects of life as a caregiver. Through step-by-step guidance, individuals can tap into their inner strength, unlock their potential, and discover renewed purpose as they care for their children with special needs.

One unique feature of RFM is its focus on advocacy, not just for people with special needs but also for the parents themselves.

Caregivers can learn a valuable process to advocate for their needs, helping resolve critical matters related to their children more efficiently, with less hassle and fewer expenses. This empowerment can significantly affect the quality of life for both the caregiver and their child.

At RFM, it’s understood that the challenges parents and primary caregivers face are often universal. Regardless of the specific diagnosis of their child with special needs, the experiences of these caregivers share common threads of resilience, hope, and the desire for a better life. The network encourages sharing stories, challenges, hardships, and inspirational moments. By doing so, it becomes a robust support system that offers comfort and camaraderie, ultimately helping each member power through the hurdles life throws their way.

The Reach for Me Network is a ray of hope for parents and primary caregivers of children with exceptional needs. It stands as a testament to the power of community, offering empathy, guidance, and advocacy. By caring for the caregivers, RFM enables these unsung heroes to show up daily as their best selves. The ultimate goal? To make their lives less stressful and more rewarding, embracing the uniqueness of their journey while strengthening the bond between families who share the same path. Together, they build a brighter future for themselves and their children with special needs, reminding the world that love knows no bounds.

Michael A. Boylan is a successful entrepreneur of 25 years, a national bestselling author of five books, a nationally recognized keynote speaker, and a developer of corporate training programs that have benefited 100,000 professionals and 20 Fortune 500s such as IBM, Microsoft, ADP, Robert Half, Cap Gemini, CBS, and others.

He is the single father of an adult special needs son on the autism spectrum. The Reach for Me Network (RFM) is his fourth entity. He has appeared on CNN, Bloomberg Financial, Fox and Friends, ABC, NBC, CBS, and other network interviews about his books and programs. �� www.ReachForMe.com

Kate Swenson is mom to four amazing kids and the voice behind Finding Cooper’s Voice. Her eldest, Cooper, has a diagnosis of severe nonverbal autism. When he was diagnosed at age three, his younger brother Sawyer was just turning one.

This morning, we were running around getting four kids ready to leave the house even earlier than usual.

Cooper was the most excited. He loves school. Up and dressed and ready to go and saying… ‘SSS-OOO-LLL’ every time I walked by.

It was a bit chaotic, to say the least.

Packing lunches, finding school iPads, headphones, and chargers, gathering snow gear...it was a lot.

We are definitely out of practice.

Jamie noticed that Coops put his shoes on the wrong feet. This happens quite frequently, but we are so proud of him for putting his shoes on that we don’t mind fixing them.

Sawyer, Cooper’s younger brother, who was soaking up his last few minutes of holiday break and zoning out watching his iPad, must have heard us.

Which is bizarre because that kid’s selective hearing game is strong.

The next thing I see is him fixing his brother’s shoes.

It stopped me in my tracks.

I also overheard him say...“I will see you when I get home, buddy.”

These two. There is just something there. See, Cooper used to only be connected to me by that invisible umbilical cord. The one that parents like me reference.

But lately, over the last few years, it’s been wrapped around his younger brother, too.

Last night during bath time, Cooper waited not-so-patiently at the bathroom door while Sawyer played with his little brother in the tub. He turned the lights on and off. On and off. Laughing every time we all shouted for him to turn them on.

That’s just like him. Near but far. Always engaging in his own way. Anyhow, Sawyer was telling me his plans for the future. He plans to live here, in this house, with his wife and kids. He never wants to leave, that one.

I asked Cooper where he wanted to live when he grew up.

His answer was quick and clear as day.

‘SSS-AW-ER.’

There is just something there, I tell ya. The way they help each other. They way they see each other. Mismatched shoes and all.

And when I asked him about living with Harbie, his five-yearold brother, he gave me the most verbal NO I have ever heard.

I just have to smile.

It’s so different than the life I imagined. And dare I say it’s better?

Kate Swenson, the founder of Finding Cooper’s Voice and the nonprofit, The More Than Project, is a mother to four kids, a wife, and a proud Minnesotan. She writes and creates videos regularly about her life as a mother and an autism advocate for Facebook, Instagram, and her website, Finding Cooper’s Voice. Her book, Forever Boy, A Mother’s Memoir of Autism and Finding Joy, is available now and highlights the transformation that she went through after her son’s diagnosis. Her mission is simple. Help parents see the joy in the secret world of autism.

Navigating Divorce When You Have a Child With Different Abilities

By Mary Ann Hughes, MBA

WE GO INTO MARRIAGE THINKING IT WILL BE FOREVER. SADLY, THAT IS NOT THE REALITY, WITH ABOUT HALF OF MARRIAGES IN THE UNITED STATES ENDING IN DIVORCE. THE RATE IS EVEN HIGHER FOR COUPLES WITH A DIFFERENTLY ABLED CHILD.

There are many reasons marriages end, including communication breakdown, infidelity, growing apart, and financial stress. Parents with a child with disabilities are not immune to any of those factors and, in fact, have additional stresses and challenges that contribute to the increased incidence of divorce among these families.

Although divorce is an adjustment for all families, when parents of exceptional needs children divorce, there is even more to consider. The main concern at the root of conflict for many of these divorces is how the child’s needs will be addressed, not just in the short term but also in the future. Instead of thinking about what is best for the child, parents are often at odds in terms of custody, possession time, and financial issues. Sometimes, parents don’t agree on the level of disability and how it impacts the child, making resolution even more difficult. Agreeing on these issues will make the divorce process smoother and consume less time, energy, and expense.

The main concern at the root of conflict for many of these divorces is how the child’s needs will be addressed not just in the short term but also in the future.

Helping a child adjust to changes in family dynamics and routines is a key consideration. It is best to slowly introduce the child to the changes that will take place rather than drastically changing the child’s routine and the family living arrangements. One way to do this is through developing a social story, written in a positive fashion, explaining the changes and what the child can expect in terms of their new routine. Children need reassurance they are still loved and will want to know how the changes will impact them personally, especially if a change in residence or school is involved.

If one parent has taken on more of the caregiving role, getting the other parent up to speed on how to care for the child’s needs so both parents are comfortable with the child spending time separately with each parent is important. Some parents are more receptive than others in receiving suggestions; so creating a document that can be referred to takes the emotion

out of someone being defensive about receiving information or admitting they need help.

Oftentimes, divorcing parents need assistance thinking through strategies and ideas to get through a divorce, especially if not all parties are on the same page, or even to get ideas of what needs to be considered in a divorce involving an exceptional needs child.

A Certified Special Needs Divorce Coach can help support families through the process, whether the divorce takes on an amicable or high-conflict tone. These coaches have personal experience with special needs divorce and have gone through extensive training to help their clients through different aspects and challenges of planning for the short- and long-term needs of children with disabilities before, during, and after divorce.

A mediator with special needs experience can be another helpful resource to help all parties discuss issues and reach an agreement. Divorcing parents can work with a mediator at any point in the process, either with or without lawyers.

When choosing an attorney to assist in the divorce, it is important to select a family law attorney with knowledge and experience in divorces involving special needs children. In addition to a divorce attorney, estate planning attorneys play an important role in developing special needs trusts and other documents so the child’s current and future needs and benefits are considered and protected.

Financial professionals also play an important role. Chartered Special Needs Consultants have specialized knowledge to plan for the financial needs of exceptional needs families. And a Certified Divorce Financial Planner or other financial planning specialist can help all parties, either together or separately, work on the division of assets and planning for the parents’ future financial needs.

Mental health professionals can help parents and children cope with and process the changes and transitions. These can be separate or joint sessions, depending on what works best for the family members and therapist. Psychologists and counselors who have training and experience working with children are available, and finding someone with special needs experience is also key.

Going through a divorce is never easy on parents or children, especially children with exceptional needs who need extra support before, during, and after the family transition, but having the right mindset and working with the right professionals can help all members of the family have a better experience and outcome.

Mary Ann Hughes, MBA, founder of Special Family Transitions LLC, is committed to helping families through the overwhelm and complexities of divorce involving children with disabilities. Mary Ann is a Certified Divorce Coach, CDC Certified Special Needs Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Specialist, Mosten-Guthrie Disability-Informed Professional, Mediator, and Co-Director of the Special Needs Chapter of the National Association of Divorce Professionals.

In addition to coaching and mediation support, Mary Ann shares her knowledge via articles, podcasts, trainings, and social media, as well as an online course: Success in Divorce for Moms of Children with Special Needs.

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We’re a trusted resource for thousands of caregivers and hundreds of physicians for children with medical, behavioral, sensory, social, or other complexities.

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SHAPING OUR FUTURE

I’m Not Ready: Supporting Differently Abled Kids Through Changes in Routine

By Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L

Earlier this year I decided to work primarily as a consultant for more time flexibility. This inevitably allowed me to spend more time with my family. In our home, life has given us the opportunity to drop off and pick up our kids at school. However, given my previous work schedule, my husband assumed the primary drop-off and pick-up roles.

Mommy pickup days

After changing my schedule, we implemented what I call “Mommy pickup days.” We chose two out of the five school days where I would pick the boys up from school. I was excited about this new transition but didn’t initially realize how much it would impact our boys’ routines.

I’m not ready

The first few occurrences of Mommy pickup days came with their share of mixed emotions and perhaps confusion. Although we prepared our boys by providing reminders on the days I would be picking them up, they continued to express feelings of unreadiness. One evening, I noticed one of our boys was probably experiencing bigger feelings about not being ready, so I had a conversation with him. In my enthusiastic, high-pitched, and excited voice, I said, “Tomorrow is Mommy pickup day!” In response, he hung his head low and said, “I’m not ready.”

Of course, I felt bad on the inside, but I was curious to explore what he meant by not being ready. I mustered up strength, pressed beyond feeling bad, and asked him to tell me more about that. He went on to explain he didn’t want to get used

to the pick-ups because it’s confusing, too different, and he doesn’t remember when it’s a Mommy pickup day. From that evening on, we had many conversations exploring the same feelings, and he continued to express not-readiness.

As a parent, I admit I struggled with our son’s feelings. I had a hard time understanding he wasn’t ready after weeks of pick-ups, daily reminders, and high-pitch pep talks! But, as an occupational therapy practitioner, I understood. I had to take a step back and see how this change in routine could be difficult for my child just as it has been for many other children I have had an opportunity to support.

Have you been in a situation where a change in routine impacted the feelings and behaviors of children in your care? How did you handle these feelings and associated behaviors? How did you manage your emotions? How did you get through?

In this article, I would like to discuss three suggestions that may support you and your child in readiness when there is a change to their routines.

Why routines matter

Routines provide structure, predictability, and a sense of control (Bater & Jordan, 2017; Boyd et al., 2014; Pelaez & Novak, 2020; Romano et al., 2022). They are the observable patterns of behavior we use to add structure to daily life (AOTA, 2020). Routines may also be considered a foundation by which children learn, develop, and promote a way for families to stay connected (Romano et al., 2022). For my family, Mommy pickup days were a way for me to stay connected with our boys. Can

you think of some family routines that you have? How do they add structure or meaning to your life?

Getting to readiness

Step 1: Dare to explore

Despite feeling bad when my son shared he wasn’t ready, I dared to explore by asking him to tell me more. The more he shared didn’t make me feel any better, but it gave me insight and a sense of understanding of the emotions he was experiencing and trying to self-manage. My son provided verbal descriptions of his emotions. In the weeks that followed, he also showed behavioral responses to this change.

For example, he appeared more upset, became easily frustrated, did not quite follow directions as expected, and more. These social-emotional responses were connected to his feelings of being not ready. We may work or live with children who do not express their emotions verbally. However, their behavioral responses might show us how changes to their routines are impacting them internally. Look for, recognize, and validate their subtle cues and ways of communicating to help them get to a place of readiness (Pelaez & Novak, 2020). Can I dare you to explore these feelings?

In addition, daring to explore might involve discovering new ways to help children manage feelings associated with changes in their life’s routines. I encourage you to explore together. See if the child has any suggestions or thoughts about ways to support them. In my example, I provided verbal reminders and gave enthusiastic pep talks. But it turns out my son needed a different approach. So, I asked him. When I asked, boy, did he have a lot to share! He shared that a calendar may not be best, but perhaps changing the frequency, such as trying alternating weeks rather than every other day, would be best. I’m sure he will also have other creative solutions to offer in the coming weeks. We have yet to explore his suggestions, given our own scheduling constraints, but we are willing to explore additional ways to support him with this transition.

Sometimes children may not provide you with creative solutions to explore. Perhaps you could consider supporting them in areas they find interesting and in ways that nurture their strengths. For example, my son loves to build, create, and draw. Perhaps I can incorporate some of these activities on Mommy pickup days to see if he looks forward to doing them. How can you support your child or a child in your care through their interests and strengths? Dare to explore additional ways to support transitions and readiness. Don’t forget to explore together!

Step 2: Understanding

The next step is to be open to understanding. Understand external shifts or changes might impact children’s internal sense of security. Understand how their life or family routines add meaning and predictability. Discovering new ways to

reestablish a sense of regularity may be worthwhile. When situations or routines change, it may contribute to changes in feelings—and that’s okay! For me, both of our children had feelings about this change to our family routines.

Lastly, understand there may not be an expected timeframe for readiness. Like adults, children need time to accept new changes and routines. They have what I call individualreadiness timelines. In my example, my expectations did not match my son’s readiness timeline. I expected things would improve in the weeks following Mommy pickups. However, my son was telling me he needed more time. Are we willing to set our expectations aside and recognize children’s individual readiness timelines?

Step 3: Practice patience

Lastly, practice patience. Practice it so you can be patient with the child, the process, and with yourself. Remember, all children regardless of age, birth order, or abilities, have individual needs. Even in the case of identical twins like in my family, both of our boys come with their own readiness

It’s okay if your child’s notreadiness produces feelings of discomfort in you. Their feeling about the change is not a direct cause or result of your feeling uncomfortable, it’s just a connection.

timelines. While practicing patience, try to be consistent with other routines and the new routine. Recognize that part of the process involves changes in feelings and behaviors. For me, being patient with myself is probably the hardest part of practicing patience. I understood my son’s feelings, but understanding didn’t change my internal feelings (feeling bad).

I also understood that it would take time, but it didn’t change my expectations (that things would improve in my expected timeframe). I am learning day by day to be more patient with myself. It’s okay if your child’s unreadiness produces feelings of discomfort in you. Their feeling about the change is not a direct cause or result of your feeling uncomfortable; it’s just a connection. Can you think of ways you can practice patience with and for your child, the process, and yourself?

Making the connection

We may not always be able to control the changes that occur with and for our children, but we can control how we respond to their feelings about the changes. We can dare to explore their feelings even when it makes us uncomfortable. We can consider exploring with the child so we might discover additional ways to support them through this transition. We can also seek to understand how routines help children to gain control through regularity and predictability, in an oftenunpredictable world. Finally, we can be open to extending grace through practicing patience. Practicing patience allows us to be patient with the child, the process, and ourselves.

As for my family, we are still in the process of getting to readiness for Mommy pickup days. However, we are confident that with exploration, understanding, and patience, we will get there. I am confident you will get there too!

References

American Occupational Therapy Association. (2020). Occupational therapy practice framework: Domain and process (4th ed.). American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 74(Suppl. 2), 7412410010. https://doi. org/10.5014/ajot.2020.74S2001

Bater, L. R., & Jordan, S. S. (2017). Child routines and self-regulation serially mediate parenting practices and externalizing problems in preschool children. Child & Youth Care Forum, 46(2), 243–259. https://doi. org/10.1007/s10566-016-9377-7

Boyd, B. A., Harkins McCarty, C. & Sethi, C. (2014) Families of children with autism: A synthesis of family routines literature. Journal of Occupational Science, 21(3), 322-333. https://doi.org/10.1080/14427591.2014.908816

Pelaez, M., & Novak, G. (2020). Returning to school: Separation problems and anxiety in the age of pandemics. Behavior Analysis in Practice 13, 521–526 https://doi.org/10.1007/s40617-020-00467-2

Romano, M., Lorio, C., Delehanty, A., Eugenio, J., Abarca, D., Trivedi, B., & Brown, J. A. (2022). Family routines within caregiver-implemented early interventions: A scoping review. Journal of Early Intervention, 44(4), 371392. https://doi.org/10.1177/10538151211062206

Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L, is an occupational therapy practitioner with a clinical focus in pediatrics. She works with children and families of children on the autism spectrum, multiple disabilities, and other neurodiverse needs. Dr. Adams has worked in schools, private practice settings, and community-based programs. She is the executive director at Changing Lives Occupational Therapy, P.C., and currently works as a consultant for a local school district in New York.

Dr. Adams is a graduate of Boston University’s Post Professional Occupational Therapy Doctorate (PP-OTD) program. Her doctoral project focused on using song-based interventions to support young children with autism and related disabilities participating in school-based occupations. When she is not working, she enjoys writing, baking, singing, and sharing time exploring the outdoors with her school-aged twin boys.

�� www.changinglivesot.com/ LINKEDIN linkedin.com/in/rose-adams-otd-otr-l-5068b316

It Takes a Village to Support Caregivers Raising a Child with Different Abilities

By Meshell Baylor, MHS

"Your mental health matters more than any external validation."

— Unknown

LIFE CAN BE A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE AS A SUPER PARENT RAISING A DIFFERENTLY ABLED CHILD. YOU PROUDLY START YOUR DAY BY TACKLING INDIVIDUALIZED EDUCATION PROGRAMS (IEPs), ROUTINE SCHEDULES, BALANCING THE WORK-LIFE ARRANGEMENT, AND STILL MANAGING TO GET HOME AND MAKE DINNER. AFTER YOU HAVE COMPLETED EACH TASK OF THE DAY, YOU SET YOUR MIND TO GETTING SOME SHUT EYE…BUT AS YOU LAY YOUR HEAD ON THE PILLOW, YOUR BRAIN REFUSES TO SHUT DOWN BECAUSE IT KNOWS WHAT’S AHEAD FOR TOMORROW.

The next day comes, and there you are again, getting your exceptional child onto the bus or dropping them at their program, getting through the workday, and making it home to cook or tackle chores. But suddenly, you begin to shut down. You feel an imbalance in your body; your muscles tense up, and your emotions wear you down into outbursts. You find yourself sitting in the parking lot or at a table, wailing in tears because you have mentally shut down. As you are sitting there, you wonder, “Why am I crying? What’s wrong with me?”

A caregiver’s mental health is essential when raising an exceptional child. The guardian takes on so much to advocate for the child that they seldom consider they are at risk of a mental breakdown. According to the CDC (Center for Disease Prevention Control), one in 14 children has a caregiver with poor mental health. According to the findings, this can potentially impact the exceptional child as an adult if they learn to mimic the same routines they see their parents fall into when facing mental stress.

Parents who are dealing with mental overwhelm rarely ask for help, advice, or feedback, sometimes out of fear, embarrassment, or shame.

Parents who are dealing with mental overwhelm rarely ask for help, advice, or feedback, sometimes out of fear, embarrassment, or shame. Our outstanding caregivers often do not know what signals to look for when they are mentally stressed out. Here are some signs to watch for when you are mentally taxed:

• Exhaustion: Feeling fatigued mentally and emotionally; unable to perform tasks regularly.

• Inability to sleep: Unable to rest properly or get a good night’s sleep.

• Fatigue: The internal and external body is struggling to find peace.

• Hormonal imbalance: Changes in your health due to stress-causing internal bodily changes.

• Weight increase/decrease: Due to hormonal changes, exhaustion, inability to sleep, and fatigue, the body has shifted toward an increase or decrease of body weight (gaining weight or losing it due to stress).

• Appetite: Inability to eat sufficient meals or overeating to suppress your emotional stress.

• Emotional outbursts: Excessive crying, yelling, and frustration that occur at unexpected times.

• Panic attacks: Shortness of breath or rapid heartbeat due to stress-related problems.

There are more signs when an exceptional parent is going through a mental breakdown. There is a phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child,” but I also believe it takes a village to support the caregivers in raising that child. If the primary caregiver breaks down, how will the family function in their absence? The exceptional guardian is the driving force that runs the machine. The parent is the driver, mediator in IEP meetings, counselor to the child, scheduler for all appointments, and the tree that keeps a safe shade over all of it.

Mental health is an integral part of self-care. It includes the balance of our psychological, emotional, and social welfare. It affects our daily lives in how we interact with others and, thus, the people in our lives on an everyday basis. We as caregivers must demonstrate positive ways of showing our differently abled children how to take a break and focus on our mental

state because they imitate our behaviors. Here are some tips that could help:

• Seek help: If you are dealing with mental stress, there is no veil of judgment for getting help. Contact your primary care doctor. Request a referral to a therapist who specializes in mental wellness. Remember that your health matters in all aspects.

• Deep breathing: When mentally overwhelmed, deep breathing can reduce anxiety, help with focus, and decrease tension and hypertension.

• Silence: The term “silence is golden” is very accurate. Find a quiet space to sit and do the deep breathing exercises mentioned above. Take some time to sit in total silence and shut out all elements.

• Exercise: A good walk, feeling the wind against your face, can decrease stress.

• Mindfulness music: Listen to beautiful audio composed for stress relief. Music or ambient noise that contains nature sounds can be particularly soothing.

• Support group: Supporting an exceptional child and parent takes a village! Join a support group and participate.

• Vacation: There is nothing wrong with planning a vacation. Sometimes, a change of scenery is what you need for self-care.

This journey of life comes with its ups and downs. For children with different abilities, their primary caregiver plays a massive role in their lives; without the guardian’s participation, the child is lost. We must learn to acknowledge that parental mental health is real and not imperturbable. As change agents and social workers, we must help our super parents get back on track.

References

Caicedo C. (2014). Families with special needs children: family health, functioning, and care burden. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association, 20(6), 398–407. https://doi.org/10.1177/1078390314561326

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2021, April 23). Mental health of children and parents—a strong connection. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; CDC. https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/ features/mental-health-children-and-parents.html

Meshell Baylor, MHS, is a mother of four children—two of whom are on the autism spectrum. She serves her community as a social worker and advocate in the Los Angeles area. She has a Bachelor’s degree in human services from Springfield College and a Master of Science degree in human and social services. Meshell continues volunteering and giving within her local area while serving the special needs community.

�� meshellbaylor.wixsite.com/website

It’s the Family, Not Just the Special Needs Diagnosis

By Karen Kaplan, MS

MY APPROACH TO SUPPORTING THOSE WITH SPECIAL NEEDS EMPHASIZES A VERY CRITICAL COMPONENT: THE FAMILY. I BELIEVE THAT WHILE THE DIAGNOSIS HELPS IDENTIFY CHARACTERISTICS, HIGHLIGHTS THE RANGE OF DIFFERENCES AND CHALLENGES, LEADS TO INTERVENTIONS, AND CONNECTS THE FAMILY TO FUNDING AND SERVICES, SUCCESS IS LIMITED IF THE FAMILY COMPONENT IS NOT INCORPORATED. YES, KNOWING AND UNDERSTANDING THE DIAGNOSED PERSON’S FAMILY MAKES THE DIFFERENCE IN OUTCOMES.

Who the family is as a unit is just as important as the diagnosis details. Knowing the family’s culture and capabilities provides teachers, therapists, or medical practitioners with insight into how an intervention or support plan may be successful.

I believe that before an intervention plan can be designed, these aspects should be considered to optimize the meaningfulness of and success in implementing a proposed course of action.

• Are there siblings in the family? How old are they? How do they understand their sibling with special needs? How are they impacted by a differently abled sibling? How are the family members addressing the siblings’ needs? Do any siblings also have any diagnoses?

• Do religious beliefs need to be understood when approaching help and support design?

• Is this a single-parent household? How does time play a role in a support plan? Are there other family members who can offer support behind the single parenting factor? Are grandparents involved? If so, how?

• Is this a split-family household? What is the shared parenting plan? How does communication play out between households? Do they agree on the plan?

• Do one or all caregivers work? What does the work schedule look like? Do any have to travel a great deal for their work? How does this impact the family?

• How in-depth is the understanding of the family regarding the diagnosis of their child? What training has the family been given?

• Does the family have a like-tribe to connect to that can provide support and understanding? How are they taking care of themselves so they can problem-solve around any issues their individual with special needs will experience?

• Are the family members getting enough sleep? If not, why not?

• What are the family’s fears, anxieties, and frustrations?

• What are the family’s priorities? Their priorities can be motivational in designing a support plan and incentivizing them to engage in it consistently.

• How does the family’s financial situation play into their access to supports and services or the implementation of a positive plan?

When parents are not on board with the treatment plan, it is highly unlikely there will be consistency between home and school. When parents do not have input, they may not truly buy into solutions. When caregivers do not understand the importance of their role, progress can be reduced. Teachers

often become frustrated with a lack of parental support. Caregivers become frustrated when teachers and therapists are not collaborative or do not keep them consistently in the loop.

Some additional thoughts for professionals to recognize the family’s key role:

• Be sure the terms in an assessment are clearly understood by the family.

• Acknowledge family feelings.

• Listen.

• Provide encouragement and hope.

• Do not assume. Do not over-expect. Do not judge.

• Check-in and follow-up. Set realistic expectations.

• Provide parents with the opportunity to observe their loved one in the classroom and in a therapy session.

• Offer family resources that can provide training.

• Suggest family resources that open doors to connecting with other families supporting people with exceptional needs.

• Learn how different cultures respond to disabilities so you can understand and empathize.

• Please find ways to make the Individual Education Plan (IEP) meetings less stressful for families. Suggest everyone read The Art of Conscious Conversations: Transforming How We Talk, Listen, and Interact

Karen Kaplan, MS, is a native San Franciscan. She completed her bachelor’s and master’s degrees at Arizona State University, Tempe, Arizona, in speech pathology and audiology. She minored in special education and obtained her speech therapist and special education credentials in California. Karen worked as a speech therapist for schools for 20 years before opening her own residential and education program for students with autism. She worked in credential programs at Sacramento State University as well as UC Davis and spent 20 years directing private schools for those with autism and similar learning challenges.

Karen founded a non-profit, Offerings, which helps cultures globally to understand those with developmental challenges. For seven years, she founded and facilitated an autism lecture series and resource fair in Northern California. Karen still facilitates an annual Autism Awesomeness event. She is currently consulting and helping families, schools, and centers for children, teens, and adults. Karen has authored three books:

Reach Me Teach Me: A Public School Program for the Autistic Child; A Handbook for Teachers and Administrators, On the Yellow Brick Road: My Search for Home and Hope for the Child with Autism, and Typewriting to Heaven…and Back: Conversations with My Dad on Death, Afterlife and Living (which is not about autism but about having important conversations with those we love).

Improv Program Provides Missing Piece in Building Social Skills

By Lisa Jan Sherman, BA, and Laura Wahl McAlpine, MEd CCC-SLP

COULD IMPROVISATIONAL ACTING BE A MISSING PIECE IN BUILDING COMMUNICATION? MANY PROFESSIONALS UTILIZE SCRIPTED CONVERSATIONS TO ENCOURAGE MORE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION FOR KIDS, WHICH IS FINE FOR DEFAULT INITIATIONS AND RESPONSES. WE FIND THAT ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL. SCRIPTED RESPONSES CAN LIMIT A PERSON’S EXPRESSION OF THEIR PERSONALITY, CULTURE, AND MANY OPTIONS FOR CONVERSATION.

Actors build characters, working from scripted words and dialogue. There are actors and a director, yet the suggested motivations and outcomes are within the confines of a script. W hen improvisational acting is used, the actor (and, in our case—the client) must listen and respond “at the moment” to the information given to them as a set-up scenario, which could include a name, place, situation, or problem. This allows the actors (regardless of age) to know their relationships with the other actors and the conflict without using a scripted past or present. Improvisational acting will enable people to stay true to themselves and their core personality. The improvisation skills remind those who practice them that the best actors are the best listeners.

When kids meet, they do not necessarily have a past or present together. A word or an action by a peer, teacher, or parent may prompt them organically to communicate. Now, the “inthe-moment response” will be a choice. Some kids freeze, not knowing how to respond. Maybe they don’t have the vocabulary or are afraid to say the wrong thing. That’s why using improvisation allows for immediate feedback from the practitioner. This is experienced by a redo of the scene/dialogue, reinforcing learned communication skills. The results are increased competence and confidence. Receiving a reward of a smile, a high five, or an affirmation leaves an imprint on the child. This organic scaffolding results in positive outcomes.

What do parents and practitioners see? They may see someone lacking empathy, perspective-taking, reciprocity, flexibility, and timing. In general, they do not have significant friendships. Communication challenges range from hijacking conversations to

not engaging at all. Below is an example of our implementation of improvisational acting practice:

Receiving a reward of a smile, a high five, or an affirmation leaves an imprint on the child.

A parent emails:

Could you provide some feedback specific to Amara, specifically on whether she initiated any conversation (without a prompt and not during a structured activity)? You said you did an activity called “Foothold Chat.” Did she say anything spontaneously on her own to any of the children? As I mentioned, her selective mutism prevented her from spontaneously saying anything (unprompted or unstructured) to her peers until we started her anti-anxiety medication this summer. I would love to get feedback on how she is doing with it now.

Response to parent:

Thank you for this. Amara is surprising us each week—She’s so smart and likes to “take stage,” and enjoyed being an “interviewer.” Her excellent listening skills go a long way in that communication.

Our improvisation activities have formulas yet are less structured. This way, if a communication exchange doesn’t have a good outcome for the individual, we are able to “redo” in the moment (for success) and try different approaches that may work for the individual.

The Foothold Chat activity is specific to “prompting” a brief chat. The cards act as cues for initiation. Amara had to select/ uncover a topic to relate to “in the moment.” Yes, she was able to ask questions to a friend, as well as give her thoughts on her subject. In this case, it was “bikes.” She was able to talk about her personal experience with her own bike, and this prompted her peer to share his bike experience, too. We will continue to do similar activities to strengthen “reciprocity.” We do this because initiating spontaneously in day-to-day connections takes more practice for all of us.

Thank you, Lisa and Laura

In the above example, a group activity addressed “initiation” as a specific individual objective. Using improvisational intervention activities while working in small groups should include warm-ups that lead to simple chit-chat, adding concrete skill building through rehearsals, both verbal and nonverbal, and scaffolding to nuanced communication in scene work.

Being mindful of the therapeutic process, these improvisational social skills move us from imitation to independence. Students engage in verbal and nonverbal interactive skill-building with modeling, prompting, and practice, allowing for replays and fix-it scenes. The ACT AS IF Improvisational Activities Program book includes these dynamic communication activities.

A study of the effectiveness of ACT AS IF revealed positive gains in peer-relatedness skills as an overarching objective of the activities. The analysis addressed social rituals, conversation, asking/responding to information, nonverbal skills, and communication skills that foster leadership and confidence.

We asked you if improvisational acting could be the missing piece in communication intervention. The answer is yes. Guided improvisational skill building, along with the mindful therapeutic process, is the missing piece.

References

American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. Arlington, VA, American Psychiatric Association, 2013. n.d.

Bates, E. (1976a). Pragmatics and Sociolinguistics in Child Language. In Morehead, D. & Morehead, A. E (Eds.), Language Deficiency in Children: Selected Readings (Pp. 411–463). Baltimore, MD: University Park Press.

Bates, E. (1976b). Language and Context: The Acquisition of Pragmatics. New York: Academic Press., n.d.

Baron-Cohen, Simon. “Mindblindness: An Essay on Autism and Theory of Mind.” Cambridge, Massachusetts: The MIT Press, 1995.

Bloom, Lois, and Lahey, Margaret. Language Development and Language Disorders. John Wiley & Sons, Inc, 1978.

Corbett, Blythe A., Joan R. Gunther, Dan Comins, Jenifer Price, Niles Ryan, David Simon, Clayton W. Schupp, and Taylor Rios. “Brief Report: Theatre as Therapy for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder.” Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 41 (n.d.): 505–11.

Gerber, Sima, Alejandro Brice, Nina Capone, Martin Fujiki, and Geralyn Timler. “Language Use in Social Interactions of School-Age Children With Language Impairments: An Evidence-Based Systematic Review of Treatment.” Language Speech and Hearing Services in the Schools 43 (April 2012): 235–49.

Glenda DeJarnette, PhD, CCC-SLP The ASHA Leader, October 2012, Vol. 17,

14-17. doi:10.1044/leader.FTR1.17132012.14.” ASHA Leader 17, no. 14–17 (n.d.).

McAlpine, Laura W., and Lisa Jan Sherman. Act As If Improvisational Activities for Social Communication. SelfPublished: ISBN 978-0-692-83434-3

Prelock, Patricia A. “Understanding the National Standards Project: Evidence-Based Interventions to Support the Language and Social

Communication of Children with ASD.” Sig 16 Perspectives, n.d., 68–76. Rivers, Kenyatta O. “Parsing Pragmatics Kenyatta O. Rivers, PhD, CCC-SLP; Yvette D. Hyter, PhD, CCC-SLP;

Wiig, Elizabeth H., Eleanor Semel, and Wayne Secord. “CELF 5- Clinical Evaluation of Language Fundamentals.” Pearson, 2013.

Laura McAlpine, MEd CCC-SLP is a speech and language pathologist with over 38 years of experience working with students to provide contextualized speech/language intervention programs. Her experience includes 11 years in the public school system, with extensive work in language learning disability classes, high school curriculum development for speech/language-impaired learners, and as a diagnostician for augmentative/alternative communication. She has been a private practitioner for the past 27 years, working with the school-age college population in areas of speech articulation, pragmatic language, reading, and written expression. Most notably, Laura has co-facilitated and developed Act As If, a cutting-edge social cognition and skill development program incorporating social thinking research and behavior modification concepts. She is co-author of Act As If—Improvisational Activities for Social Communication. Laura is certified through the American Speech Language and Hearing Association, holding her Certificate of Clinical Competence as well as having additional training in implementing strategies for students with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism spectrum disorder (ASD), and executive functioning challenges.

Lisa Jan Sherman, BA is an improvisational acting teacher and a team-building and cognitive skills coach. She is an AFTRA/SAG Union member, performing on stage, television, film, and radio. Lisa received a BA in Theater and Speech from the University of Maryland. She was a co-founding performer with NOW THIS! musical improv troupe, which had a successful 27-year run. For more than 25 years, she has co-facilitated communication skills groups for kids/young adults. Her Brilliant Moments workshop uses improvisation to interact with those living with dementia. She is a teaching artist with the National Theatre Foundation and facilitates UnClogging Your Brain at The Writers Center in Bethesda, MD. Currently, she is writing a musical called Fern Fiddlehead and Fronds, which portrays the empathetic bond between humans and animals. With Laura McAlpine, Lisa co-created the Act As If program and book. �� www.nationaltheatre.org/community-stage-connections/artist-roster/ �� writer.org/event/fa23mix20b/ �� www.actasifproducts.com/ �� www.interactionsslp.com/ �� www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/01/10/theater-kids-communication-empathy/

EXCEPTIONAL SPOTLIGHT Nonprofit CEO Helps Dreams Come True in the Autism Community

By Haiku Haughton

Meet Jeanetta Bryant, the CEO of Bright Feats Magazine and the driving force behind the non-profit organization, Abilities Workshop, as she shares her inspiring journey and commitment to fostering inclusivity. Join us in this illuminating interview with Jeanetta to understand what goes on behind the scenes to make her and others’ goals and dreams come true.

How did your journey with your daughter’s autism diagnosis and seeking support from other parents lead to the creation of your nonprofit?

Starting a nonprofit was the furthest thing from our minds when we embarked on a lifetime journey navigating an autism diagnosis and discovering hope. Unfortunately, our daughter was one of the many children who found themselves being told a bleak and purposeless prognosis. Somewhere in our souls, we knew that this challenge was one we would face head-on and find ways to defy the odds. Our daughter, Lindsey, would go on to inspire us in ways that we didn’t know were possible, all because we were willing to share our story and have other parents guide us to information and solutions.

How did your personal experience inspire your nonprofit’s mission to share life-changing information and address root causes?

We found that information wasn’t just powerful; it was life changing. Knowing how to identify the root causes of symptomatic behavior catapulted us into a world of intrigue and hope. We found that common techniques, coupled with a guided plan, allowed our daughter and many other children to participate and communicate in ways we had been told were hopeless. Having experienced firsthand what finding proper resources could do for a child and a family, we knew it was not only our obligation but also our privilege to pay it forward.

How did seeing the meaningful friendships and positive impacts from your workshops shape your dedication to being an information resource hub?

Setting out to be an information resource hub can be daunting, overwhelming, and intimidating. Fortunately, God had a plan, and our responsibility was to simply show up and try to make a difference. The first time I realized how impactful our workshops were was when I witnessed true friendships being formed by parents who could recognize each other’s isolation and desperation. I knew those would be lasting

relationships and that they would be meaningful when support is sometimes hard to find. Later, I would be told by families that the information they learned had impacted their child’s development in instrumental ways and led to them being able to dream for their child’s future again.

Understanding there is no limit to a parent’s love, and devotion is key. When parents roll up their sleeves and act, they often find answers. This sometimes leads to a child having remarkable gains, and sometimes, it simply leads to better understanding. In either case, it alleviates the pressure of the unknown. As it turns out, there really aren’t enough of us out here simply trying to be a friend without judgment or ridicule. The world, and this community particularly, could use more of us to step up and help calm the waters while leading others on paths we have forged.

How does the gratitude expressed by those your organization supports inspire your ongoing dedication? Based on your rewarding experiences, what advice would you offer to those

considering starting a nonprofit or volunteering?

Nearly every day, our office answers calls from parents, caregivers, and service providers looking to learn more; the thirst for knowledge is real. And when those phone calls unfold, the grateful spirit of that person is unmistakable—they suddenly know that they are not alone and that they have an ally in us. Those are the moments when all the work and tireless devotion pay off. It really is the simple gratitude and the feeling that, in this moment, we made someone’s life just a little easier that inspires us day after day.

For anyone considering starting a nonprofit or volunteering for an organization, I promise you will make a difference; you can feel the joy of knowing in a dark and broken world, people can still shine bright. I often joke that God gave me Lindsey to help teach me the virtue of patience, but she has done so much more than that; she has taught me perspective. The reality is when you give your time to these kids in any fashion, they give back so much more, and for each of them, I am grateful.

Haiku Haughton is a University of Central Florida student obtaining a Bachelor of Arts degree in Writing & Rhetoric and a Certificate in Editing and Publishing. Born in Montego Bay, Jamaica, with an English teacher for a mother, Haiku was immersed in writing at a young age, and that same immersion continues today. Whenever his eyes aren’t plastered to the monitor of his desktop, Haiku directs his time towards his other passions, which include archery, art design/analysis, nature walks, and reading books on various topics. Haiku serves Exceptional Needs Today as an Editorial Intern.

ALL THINGS OT Developing Visual Motor Integration With Your Exceptional Needs Child

By Laura A. Ryan, OT, OTR, OTD

THE FIRST ARTICLE IN THIS SERIES, PUBLISHED IN ISSUE 15, OUTLINED FUNCTIONAL VISUAL SKILLS AND THE ROLE THEY PLAY IN GATHERING VISUAL INFORMATION SO IT CAN BE USED FOR LEARNING PURPOSES. THIS ARTICLE WILL OUTLINE THE PERCEPTUAL AND MOTOR RESPONSE TO VISUAL INFORMATION AND THE ROLE THESE SKILLS PLAY IN LEARNING AND EXPLORATION.

Visual-motor integration is the blending of two systems: visual perception and motor coordination. These skills are developmental; they form and strengthen as the brain grows and is exposed to life experiences. When the perceptual and motor systems are coordinated, effective visual motor integration occurs. To understand how these systems dance, we will break down the visual perceptual and motor coordination skills, then the effective blending of both—visual motor integration.

Visual motor integration is the blending of two systems: visual perception and motor coordination.

Visual perception is the brain’s ability to receive, interpret, and act upon visual stimuli (Schreiber-Orloff, 2004). This skill consists of several components. These components include

visual discrimination, form constancy, spatial relations, visual memory, visual sequential memory, figure-ground, and visual closure. All these perceptual skills play together to give an accurate picture of what one sees. That information is subsequently used for interaction and learning.

Let’s break down each of these skills and how they are used in everyday learning and play. We will start with visual discrimination and form constancy. Visual discrimination involves assessing the details of a visible picture and connecting those details with an exact match. This is used in straightforward tasks such as copying a sentence. Form constancy is similar; however, the picture may be slightly changed. For example, the first picture may be of a triangle, while the match may be a triangle that is somewhat smaller and tilted. The viewer understands that, despite some changes, the picture’s intent is still the same as they are both still triangles. Functionally, this skill is used with learning, especially if the second example differs from the first. Building on math or spelling skills may use form constancy.

Conversely, spatial relations are used to determine differences and what those differences are in a set of visual

presentations. This is a skill used in problem-solving. A fourth visual perceptual concept includes visual memory and visual sequential memory. Visual memory requires one to note and remember specific attributes of a visual picture and then recall those attributes to find the same image in a set of several similar pictures.

Visual sequential memory involves recalling the exact sequence of a series of symbols. As letters are, essentially, symbols, recalling the line of those symbols in the exact order is necessary for accurate spelling or when writing long numbers. Additionally, visual memory is used in writing as one must recall the exact attributes of the letters (for example, an “M” vs an “N”). Figure-ground is the ability of the eye to pick out essential or relevant information from a crowded field. We use this skill when looking for a specific item in a crowded junk drawer or when a student is skimming a page of text while looking for a particular word.

Lastly, visual closure is the ability to mentally fill in missing portions of a picture, thereby building a complete picture from pieces. This skill is often used in connecting pieces of information to create a full understanding of the meaning of those pieces. The skill accompanying visual perception is motor coordination, which is the ability of the eye to coordinate with the hand to record what is being seen concretely.

Visual perception and motor coordination create the overarching skill of visual motor integration (VMI). Visual-motor integration is the ability to perceive visual input, process that information, and coordinate a motor response (Carsone et al., 2021). In other words, visual motor integration is the process of taking in visual information, understanding what is being seen, and reacting to it. For example, a child may see a circle drawn on paper and understand that the shape is a circle. The brain chooses the correct motor plan for drawing a circle and then coordinates the eyes and hand to draw a circle on the paper accurately.

Neat and legible handwriting is felt to be a hallmark of strong visual motor integration skills. However, these skills can influence several other areas, including typing, and gross motor skills, such as catching and throwing a ball. VMI skills play a part in learning as one must effectively and accurately synthesize what is being seen and record one’s thoughts concretely, such as writing or drawing.

As noted earlier, these skills are developmental and aren’t fully solidified until the later teen years. In fact, this is one of the reasons a driver’s license isn’t issued until 16 years of age! Gross motor play is very important because of the developmental nature of visual motor integration skills. Using the body in a large and robust way gives a child a strong overarching understanding of where they are in space and makes relating visual information to themselves much easier and more accurate. For example, swinging, riding a bicycle or tricycle, and jumping on a trampoline (or in puddles!) provide heavy input into the body and give strong visual information at the same time.

For very young children, exploring toys and how they relate to one another is a good way to build early visual motor integration skills. Toys such as stacking rings, shape sorters, and early puzzles are fun for this age. Many tabletop activities and games work on visual motor integration for school-aged children. Dot-to-dot pictures help with visual closure, figureground, and navigating curved and/or diagonal lines. Hidden pictures, such as those found in the Highlight magazine, work on visual discrimination, form constancy, spatial relations, visual memory, and figure-ground. The magic pictures, such as those in comic books, are excellent at isolating figure-ground.

Jigsaw puzzles work on visual closure. Connect Four is a great way to build an understanding of diagonal lines and works on visual closure, as children need to “fill in the blanks” to connect four checkers. For children who can spell, Boggle is a fun way to connect letters to create words while working on figureground. Mazes that double back work on overlap/underlap, which is an abstract visual perceptual concept, and traditional mazes work on diagonal lines.

Enjoy these simple, low-technology activities with your children, knowing you are helping them build strong visual motor integration skills they will use for schoolwork and life activities both now and in their later years.

References

Barnhardt, C., Borsting, E., Deland, P., Pham, N., & Vu, T. (2005). Relationship between visual-motor integration and spatial organization of written language and math. Optometry and Vision Science, 82(2), 138-143.

Carsone, B., Green, K., Torrence, W. & Henry, B. (2021). Systematic review of visual motor integration in children with developmental disabilities. Occupational Therapy International, v. 2021. https://doi. org/10.1155/2021/1801196

Edublox Online Tutor (2023, June 5) What is visual perception, why it matters, deficits. Edublox Tutor https://www.edubloxtutor.com/visualperception/ Schriber-Orloff, Susan N. (2004). Learning Re-enabled. Learning disabilty in plain English 2nd edition. Mosby https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-323-027724.50007-X

Laura A. Ryan, OT, OTR, OTD, is an occupational therapist who grew up on a large horse farm in Massachusetts. She has been practicing for over 30 years and has been using hippotherapy as a treatment tool since 2001. She enjoys seeing the happiness and progress each person has achieved through the therapeutic impact of the horse. Laura has also developed a program for breast cancer rehabilitation using therapeutic input from the horse.

✉ hooves4healingot@gmail.com

Inclusive Theatre Company Provides Ultimate Gift to ALL People

By Melissa D. Dean, PhD

IF YOU HAD PEERED INTO THE LARGE RECTANGULAR ROOM THE SIZE OF A BASKETBALL COURT LINED ON EACH SIDE WITH A SHORT ROW OF BLEACHER SEATING, YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN A MYRIAD OF INDIVIDUALS OF ALL GENDERS AND AGES. BEHIND CURTAINS, MANY PEOPLE COULD BE SEEN CHANGING FROM STREET CLOTHES INTO ELABORATE COSTUMES REFLECTIVE OF LONDON SOCIETY DURING THE TIME OF CHARLES DICKENS

Some waited in line to have tiny microphones secured to their jawline and attached to battery packs belted around their waist. Others gathered around a television screen showing a live feed of the theater’s main stage, while some circled an upright piano practicing a song. You would have seen young people running lines with a friend, inhaling a quick snack, playing cards, or chatting with friends. The scene would last for several hours each night for a week. The work is intense and purposeful—the mood is joyous and excited. Months of preparation would come together over that week and culminate in two weekend performances. It was simultaneously grueling and exhilarating; Tech Week had arrived.

As a parent of eight children ranging from 10 to 27 years old (some “typically developing” and some with various DSM-5 diagnoses), I have experienced a wide range of incredibly valuable “extracurricular” experiences—from neighborhood swim leagues to competitive year-round swimming to a multicity orchestra to national debate leagues. All were very wellorganized, skill-developing, community-building activities that benefited my children. However, the experience my youngest three children and I have had over the past two years participating in theater productions produced by Arts Inclusion Company (AIC) has exceeded them all.

Inclusion is defined as “the practice or policy of providing equal access to opportunities and resources for people who might otherwise be excluded or marginalized, such as those who have physical or intellectual disabilities and members of other minority groups.” There are many types of inclusion, each with benefits, drawbacks, and challenges. As an educator, I read widely about educational inclusion during my PhD program. Entire dissertations have been written about the practice, benefits, drawbacks, and challenges of various types of inclusion. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to, or experience with, inclusion and no ultimate consensus about its value since its practice and effectiveness are as varied as the organizations that attempt it and the individuals it targets.

As a parent, I have determined homeschooling to be the least restrictive educational environment for my children and have chosen a variety of inclusive extracurricular experiences for them. My three youngest children currently participate in mainstream scouting, Sunday school, youth group, homeschool co-op, various YMCA activities, and music and dance lessons. Their diagnoses include cerebral palsy (CP), Down syndrome, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, and intellectual disability, among others. Their inclusion in each of their extracurricular activities is incredibly valuable, though

sometimes risky. Each requires communication, acceptance, support, and effort to make it work for all parties—my kids and me, as well as the participants and leaders of the activities that include them.

My children have also participated, either as members or volunteers, in “self-contained” activities and experiences designed specifically for individuals with special needs, including national organizations such as Special Olympics, Young Life Capernaum, and Night to Remember, as well as local opportunities such as Chosen Ministry, a Vocal Inclusion music group, and performance workshops through the Underground

Performing Arts Collective (UPAC). These activities provide high-quality, incredibly valuable experiences. They are lowstress, safe spaces because they are developed specifically around the needs of the participants and conducted by individuals who understand those needs. My adult children, who volunteered with some of them during their teen years, gained as much as their younger siblings have as participants.

All are welcome.

All are included.

All are valued.

All are partners.

As grateful as I am for each type of extracurricular activity my children have enjoyed over almost three decades of parenting, our family’s participation in AIC’s theatrical productions these past two years has been truly extraordinary. My attempts to articulate the reasons feel inadequate, but I share them to encourage others to support and participate in what I describe as “the ultimate inclusive experience.”

The Tech Week scenario that opens this piece culminated in two performances of A Christmas Carol this past December. Audience members purchased tickets to the show and were treated to a professional-quality production complete with elaborate time-period costumes crafted over months by the premier costume designer in our area, professional sound and lighting by highly respected local professionals, live musicians, beautifully hand-crafted sets, and theatrical and orchestral direction from exceptionally talented and trained individuals. The actors and actresses spent about 10 weeks memorizing lines, learning cues and blocking, and rehearsing for hours. It is a typical theater experience in every way, yet not typical at all for most of the participants, whose challenges make the traditional theater experience (and many other experiences) inaccessible.

Aside from those of my own children, I cannot tell you the diagnoses or challenges of the people who participate in our AIC productions because, unless they are physically identifiable, I do not know them. I do not know because it isn’t discussed in AIC. It isn’t discussed because it is irrelevant. It is irrelevant because AIC chooses to make it so. And it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced.

AIC defines itself as “an inclusive theater company where all are ABLE.” Its website explicitly states, “We believe in welcoming all regardless of their abilities. Everyone works together, and everyone learns together. Everyone is accepted for who they are and is celebrated for their individuality. Although we may all be different with different skills and backgrounds, we are all

the same within. At AIC, we bring light to this truth.” And they do—in every aspect of their productions, from audition to the curtain call of the closing show.

Intentionally and fully inclusive, AIC unites the entire spectrum of humanity in pursuit of a single goal, pursued over time—the goal of producing the highest caliber performance possible by uniting the gifts of every participant, whether professionally trained or attempting something for the very first time. All are welcome. All are included. All are valued. All are partners.

Notably absent are pressure, competitiveness, judgment, envy, bigotry, racism, sexism, ableism, and elitism. Quite honestly, I have experienced nothing like it in my over-half-a-century of life. For my children, their care attendants, and our family and friends who attended rehearsals and shows, the experience was overwhelmingly positive, encouraging, and inspirational.

For me, it was also a respite and a refuge. I didn’t have to explain or advocate or excuse or justify—for my children or myself. I didn’t have to hold my breath, bite my tongue, or

cringe and smile simultaneously. I didn’t have to witness bullying, unkindness, pity, or discomfort extended to anyone based on deviation from a perceived standard of normalcy. Instead, I was able to witness and participate in the affirmation, acceptance, encouragement, friendship, and hard work that exuded from and was extended to my children—an atmosphere that permeated the entire environment. Standing in the wings on performance day, reflecting on the past 10 weeks, and watching all the efforts of my kids and their fellow cast members culminate in two exceptional shows was indescribably life-giving.

Our experience with AIC these past two years has been what I wish the world could be—what I imagine it must be like in heaven—the ultimate inclusive experience. It is a beautiful symbiosis of uniquely created individuals uniting in community to offer their gifts and their very best efforts to create something beautiful that brightens the world of anyone who chooses to experience it.

Melissa D. Dean, PhD, is a homeschool mom to eight children whose ages range from 10 to 27. Her youngest three children have exceptional needs. She has a PhD in Special Education and is a Research Fellow for the Urban Renewal Center in Norfolk, Virginia. She is passionate about helping others nurture their gifts, especially those society often overlooks. Melissa loves following Carolina basketball and Michigan football, crafting complicated coffee drinks, and playing strategy games with family and friends. She lives in Chesapeake, VA, and blogs occasionally at crosseyedliving.wordpress.com.

Celebrating the Special Needs Community:

A TRIBUTE TO STRENGTH AND RESILIENCE

By J. Edwards Holt

THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY IS A DIVERSE AND RESILIENT GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO FACE VARIOUS CHALLENGES AND OPPORTUNITIES IN THEIR LIVES. IT INCLUDES INDIVIDUALS WITH INTELLECTUAL AND DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES OR DIFFERENCES (I/DD), AS WELL AS THEIR FAMILIES, CAREGIVERS, AND SUPPORTERS. ACCORDING TO THE ARC, A NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION THAT PROMOTES AND PROTECTS THE HUMAN RIGHTS OF PEOPLE WITH I/DD, THERE ARE MORE THAN SEVEN MILLION AMERICANS WITH I/DD.

The special needs community deserves recognition and celebration for its achievements, contributions, and potential. It also needs access to quality services, supports, and opportunities that enable all to live fulfilling and meaningful lives. Some of the ways the special needs community can be celebrated and supported include:

• Raising awareness and reducing stigma about the diverse abilities and needs of people with I/DD. This can be done through education, advocacy, and media campaigns that highlight the stories and perspectives of people with I/DD and their allies.

• Providing inclusive and accessible environments and opportunities for people with I/DD to participate in various aspects of society, such as education, employment, health care, recreation, and civic engagement. This can be done through policies and programs that promote inclusion, accessibility, and reasonable accommodations for people with I/DD.

• Empowering people with I/DD to exercise their rights and responsibilities, make their own decisions, and advocate for themselves and others. This can be

done through self-advocacy training and leadership development for people with I/DD.

• Supporting the families and caregivers of people with I/DD, who often face emotional, physical, and financial stress and challenges. This can be done through respite care, counseling, support groups, and financial assistance for families and caregivers of people with I/DD.

One of the most important aspects of celebrating and supporting the special needs community is ensuring the community’s mental health and well-being. Mental health is a state of balance between the mind and body. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also influences how we cope with stress and make choices. Mental health is important for everyone, but especially for people with I/DD, who may experience higher rates of mental illness—such as depression, anxiety, and trauma—than the general population.

Mental illness can affect the quality of life and happiness of people with I/DD and their families and caregivers. Therefore, it is essential to provide adequate and appropriate mental health care and support for people with I/DD and their loved ones. Some of the ways mental health care and support can be

improved and enhanced for the special needs community are:

• Increasing the availability and accessibility of mental health services and resources for people with I/DD and their families and caregivers. This can be done through funding, insurance, and workforce development for mental health professionals who are trained and experienced in working with people with I/DD.

• Improving the quality and effectiveness of mental health services and interventions for people with I/ DD and their families and caregivers. This can be done through research, evaluation, and innovation of evidencebased and culturally competent mental health practices that are tailored to the specific needs and preferences of people with I/DD.

• Promoting mental health literacy and awareness of people with I/DD and their families and caregivers. This can be done through education, information, and communication that increases the knowledge and understanding of mental illness signs and symptoms, as well as the available and appropriate mental health services and resources for people with I/DD.

• Encouraging mental health self-care and self-advocacy of people with I/DD and their families and caregivers. This can be done by empowering people with I/DD and their loved ones to take charge of their own mental health, seek help when needed, and express their needs and wants in a respectful and assertive way.

Self-advocacy is the basis of self-care, as it helps people with I/DD, their families, and caregivers to decide what they want and need, and to get their needs met. Self-advocacy also helps people with I/DD and their loved ones feel more confident and in control of their mental health, as well as their lives. According to NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, self-advocacy can also reduce feelings of isolation, increase self-esteem, and foster a greater sense of control over one’s mental health.

The special needs community is a valuable and vital part of our society, and its members deserve to be celebrated and supported in every way possible. By ensuring their mental health and well-being, and by empowering them to advocate for themselves and others, we can help them achieve their goals, reach their dreams, and live their lives to the fullest.

References

Friendship Circle / Resources. (n.d.). Www.friendshipcircle.org. https://www. friendshipcircle.org/blog/2016/01/14/10-special-needs-organizations-youshould-know-about

Goehner Lennard Amy. (2021). Parents Are Creating Communities for Their Grown Children Who Have Special Needs. AARP. https://www.aarp.org/ livable-communities/housing/info-2021/parents-creating-communities-foradult-children-with-special-needs.html

The Arc. (2018). The Arc | For People With Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities. The Arc. https://thearc.org/

Edwards Holt is an American author who has spent a lifetime dealing with mental health challenges. Diagnosed with Tourette syndrome, anxiety, and depression at 10 years old, and later Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and attentiondeficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) at 13, success has never come easy for him. After spending most of elementary and middle school isolated, in and out of therapy, Holt managed to turn things around and graduated high school as Valedictorian, later graduating college with a major in education. Even today, as a successful author, Holt still copes with symptoms of his illnesses. Because of this, he is a continued advocate for those struggling with mental health, incorporating his own experiences in his written works.

THE FRIENDSHIP & DATING DUO Help! I’m Neurodivergent and Nobody Ever Asks Me to Hang Out

By Jeremy and Ilana Hamburgh

“Daniel” is in his mid-20s. He suspects he may be autistic, but he’s never received a formal diagnosis. He knows his brain is wired differently from the rest of his family and those of most other people he meets. And he’s confident his brain’s wiring explains why making and keeping friends is so hard for him.

At the moment, though, the weekend is coming. Nobody has called him to make plans.

In fact, it’s been months since anyone has called him at all and even longer since anyone has called him to make plans.

When Daniel hangs out with someone, it’s usually an old friend. Even then, Daniel is the one who needs to initiate things. He’s the one who has to make the outreach effort. He’s the one who has to suggest getting together. Otherwise, nothing happens.

This struggle isn’t Daniel’s alone.

We offer no-cost Family Strategy Sessions to help autistic and neurodivergent adults and their families get clarity on what their friendship and relationship goals are, where they’re getting stuck in the social process, what their next steps can be, and whether we’re the right resource for them. Most people who schedule a Family Strategy Session report the same problem: Nobody asks them to hang out.

We hear a whole host of reasons why that happens, but it usually comes down to this: Their old friends have moved away or moved on. They haven’t made any new friends. Or both.

If that sounds like your life, then we can appreciate the

emotions you’re feeling.

Frustration

Why won’t anyone ask you to hang out? What do you need to do to change that? How hard will it be? Will it even work?

Jealousy

Why is it so easy for other people? Why do my colleagues or classmates always seem to have plans? Why do my family members always seem to have plans? Why do I see people all over social media enjoying themselves but not me?

Self-Doubt

Is something wrong with me? Do people think I’m weird? Boring? Unlikeable?

There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re behind, and you don’t know why, and you don’t know what to do about it.

The good news is that life doesn’t always need to be this way. You can change your outcome, and that starts by changing your approach. In our social strategies and skills program, Social Life 360, we focus on the three biggest factors:

Information

These are the skills and strategies you need to hone, like researching what “tribes” you may want to be a part of, learning how to slowly and steadily become part of the fabric of those tribes, and building a “Mental Library” that empowers you to talk

with people in your tribe in a way that can spark a connection.

Implementation

That’s a fancy way of saying you need to take your skills and strategies into the real world. Unless you do, you’re just accumulating more information. Or, as we like to say, “You’re just getting a PhD in social dynamics,” when what you need is to use your knowledge on real people in real life.

Motivation

We’ve found all the skills and strategies in the world mean nothing if you’re not inspired to practice them, use them, learn from your experiences, and hone them until you have the social life you want.

Once you start meeting new people and doing it in a way that can spark a connection, wonderful things can happen.

We have clients across the United States (and in four other countries), and one thing we know from them is that they feel amazing when someone reaches out to them, and they feel even more amazing when that outreach leads to making plans to hang out.

There’s something special about going through the week, knowing you have plans for the weekend and the person who made plans with you is as excited about them as you are. It’s a feeling of being seen, valued, and wanted. And there aren’t many better feelings than that.

So, commit to taking that next step: Building the skills and strategies that motivate and empower you to go into the real world and meet the people who belong in your life. And if you need help with that, turn to experts who can help you take the next step. This isn’t a journey you need to take alone!

Jeremy and Ilana Hamburgh are friendship and dating coaches who teach the strategies and skills that empower autistic and neurodivergent adults to find community, make friends, start dating, and build relationships. Ilana has over 16 years of experience as a special education teacher in New York City and is now the Director of Education for My Best Social Life. Jeremy has over 13 years of experience coaching autistic and neurodivergent adults on building the social lives they want and deserve. Jeremy and Ilana’s passion is their first-of-its-kind strategy and skills program, called Social Life 360. It’s an innovative program that teaches their autistic and neurodivergent clients the strategies and skills to confidently meet new people in new places, and they do it by decoding the social world using formulas, diagrams, and step-by-step processes that make more sense to a differently wired brain. The Social Life 360 program also provides clients with a warm, inclusive and exciting community that makes them feel embraced on their social journey. You can learn more about Jeremy, Ilana, and the Social Life 360 approach at MyBestSocialLife. com, and you can contact them about scheduling your family’s Strategy Session at Jeremy@MyBestSocialLife.com

A Faith-Integrated Guide from Personal and Professional Experience

This book is for anyone who wants to better understand autism or neurodiversity from a family that is living it or for anyone who wants to improve their ability to serve, support, advocate or include those with autism.

Embracing the Autism Spectrum: Finding Joy & Hope Navigating the NeuroDiverse Family Journey is a gift to any parent that has ever felt alone on this journey. This is an honest and intimate account of how a diagnosis can alter your expectations of the world and yet help you see more clearly Any family that has a member that has a neurodiverse diagnosis will find refuge in these pages

JEANETTA BRYANT Founder / CEO, Abilities Workshop Inc

I am honored that Dr. Stephanie asked me to review this book. I found myself reading the entire book and literally laughed, cried, raged and rejoiced for Stephanie and her family This is a must read for every Christian family who has a special needs child, especially on the autism spectrum I give my highest recommendation both clinically and spiritually for this book.

F G HUTCHINGS III Ed D, LPC, LMFT

Licensed Psychologist

www.christianneurodiversefamilies.com

Embracing the Autism Spectrum: Finding Joy & Hope Navigating the NeuroDiverse Family Journey walks you through the challenges the family faced in a neurodiverse family system, during and after diagnosis. As a Speech Therapist who has worked with children of all ages that are on the spectrum, early diagnosis and early intervention is imperative for the child’s future success. Parents are struggling and they need support from the school district, and they need to be able to trust the professionals as well. An open relationship between parents and school personnel with ongoing dialog will only help the child succeed even more Education is key, as well as validation for the journey on which people find themselves. I hope this book is a lifegiving addition to that journey.

CAROL RELLER Retired Speech Language Pathologist

EXCEPTIONAL ADVICE FROM MESHELL

Building Relationships Can Help Different Abilities Families Flourish

By Meshell Baylor, MHS

"Your mental health matters more than any external validation." — Unknown

THERE ARE TIMES IN LIFE WHEN YOU OR YOUR LOVED ONE MAY HIT A BUMP IN THE ROAD. BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS AND LEARNING TO ADJUST TO EVERYDAY SITUATIONS AS A STUDENT OR WORKER CAN BE TOUGH, ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE DIFFERENT ABILITIES.

So, how do we help a friend or ourselves with problem-solving life challenges? How do you offer aid when children are overwhelmed without being a helicopter parent? Family intervention is a positive way to offer social support.

Mastering life as an adult with different abilities can be a little difficult at times, but care providers must demonstrate a form of social support through communication, follow-ups with their child’s vocational and education programs, and connecting with counselors. Once a week, it is imperative to carve out time to have a family bonding day. Family bonding day can consist of preparing your exceptional adult’s favorite meal or helping them to prepare it. Have a family meeting with everyone in the house to find out how everyone copes physically, emotionally, and mentally with life. An exceptional adolescent or adult may want to feel a sense of independence and may need to be coaxed into sharing their opinions and thoughts in this setting, so here are some helpful ideas to get the ball rolling on communication:

1. Talking stick: To symbolize a form of communication, you can find a safe, easy item such as a teddy bear, toy microphone, or talking stick. Whoever is holding the talking stick or object is designated to have the opportunity to speak their mind without any interruption from anyone. This allows the exceptional person to express their feelings without judgment. This method of managing conversation is how the indigenous community shows respect for one another when communicating.

2. Date night: Create a date night for all in the house. Order your favorite food, play some good communication games, and then plan a strategic way to ease in a conversation that gets your exceptional person to discuss how they manage life.

3. Group chats: We live in a tech-savvy world where the younger generations love to text. Create a family group chat to see how everyone is doing when they are at school, work, or just out and about via text message. Group/family chats are fun; kids love using creative emojis to symbolize how their day is going. This gives the caregiver the opportunity to discuss the day’s messages at dinner time or an open line of communication when your differently abled loved one may just want to text.

4. Intervention team: If you have tried communicating verbally, using the talking stick, texting, writing, or emailing, and it is not effectively working, then it is time to have a professional come in and assist you with trying to find a way to talk to your child. If you or your loved one has a counselor, applied behavior analysis (ABA) therapist, or

mentor, utilize them to address those concerns. It is okay if your exceptional person wants to express their feelings to them, not you.

5. Hug: A simple embrace can reduce stress, release endorphins, and provide social support. According to the National Institute of Medicine and Medicine.net, a hug releases feelings of depression and provides dopamine—a hormone that makes individuals feel good. If you have an exceptional adult who does not like tactile hugging, ask for permission to hug them, hold their hand, or rub their back for emotional support.

6. Straight talk: If you pick up your exceptional one from school, college, work, or an activity program, ask them about their day on the drive home. Pay attention to their body language and the words they use to express their feelings. Use that drive as a form of therapy, allowing them to feel at peace while discussing their day.

Managing life is a challenge for us as mature caregivers, so for a moment, close your eyes and imagine how challenging it can be for those of us with different abilities. Remember the definition of the word intervention; it means to intervene if you notice anything concerning. Pay attention to your exceptional child as they walk through life, even if they are “fully grown.”

If this task was easy, everyone could do it, but you were chosen to be a guiding light for your children and watch them flourish into the bright individuals they are. Having a bad day is okay, but the goal is to help them reflect, talk, and grow from their life experiences. That is what being a supportive parent means for an exceptional child.

References

Cohen, S., Janicki-Deverts, D., Turner, R. B., & Doyle, W. J. (2015). Does hugging provide stress-buffering social support? A study of susceptibility to upper respiratory infection and illness. Psychological science, 26(2), 135–147. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797614559284

Kumar, K. (n.d.). How Do Hugs Make You Feel? 11 Benefits of a Proper Deep Hug. MedicineNet. https://www.medicinenet.com/how_do_hugs_make_ you_feel/article.htm

Resources

The Autism Society’s National Helpline: Call 800-328-8476 for dedicated information and referral (I&R) specialists who can provide referrals, discuss options, and share materials and tools.

Autism Society of Los Angeles: Please call (424) 299-1531 or contact us at info@autismla.org

Meshell Baylor, MHS, is a mother of four children—two of whom are on the autism spectrum. She serves her community as a social worker and advocate in the Los Angeles area. She has a Bachelor’s degree in human services from Springfield College and a Master of Science degree in human and social services. Meshell continues volunteering and giving within her local area while serving the special needs community.

�� meshellbaylor.wixsite.com/website

Ways the Workplace Can Reduce Stigma and Improve Productivity Through Employee Resource Groups

By Jagmeet Sangha, BCBA

HOW DOES THE COMMUNITY IMPACT YOUR EXPERIENCE? HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT WHEN YOU ARE WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO SHARE YOUR VALUES OR INTERESTS, YOU MAY BE MORE ENGAGED OR HAPPIER? HOW CAN THAT BE?

When we are in the company of those who align with our core beliefs, a greater sense of belonging and understanding blossoms. In applied behavior analysis (ABA) science, we often consider the environment to be the key factor in behavior change. This is because the atmosphere acts as a “spark” for behavior.

We have all been trained to behave with people and places in specific ways. When we are in the presence of a supportive and like-minded community, it can enhance aspects of our lives, including emotional well-being, motivation, and the quality of work. Workplaces can use this model to support employee performance by fostering environments where individuals with varying cognitive strengths and preferences can thrive.

Employee resource groups (ERGs) are typically voluntary, employee-led communities within a company formed based on shared values or experiences, such as race, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, disabilities, mental health challenges, and many more topics. The history of ERGs can be traced back to the 1960s and 1970s when the concept of racial discrimination and promoting equal opportunities for underrepresented groups within the workforce gained movement. Today, almost 90% of Fortune 500 companies have ERGs, and oftentimes, they are directly tied to business goals of promoting inclusive workplaces.

As workplace diversity and inclusion concepts continue to evolve and are starting to incorporate brain-based differences, ERGs have been impactful in helping remove workplace stigma, specifically around neurodiversity.

Neurodiversity acknowledges and celebrates the diversity of neurocognitive functioning conditions such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, and more. While every neurodivergent person is unique, research is beginning to indicate that autistic individuals are rated high in areas such as retention, work performance, attention to detail, and reliability. Unfortunately, organizations and employers often lack awareness and education on establishing neuro-inclusive practices to provide equitable opportunities for neurodivergent minds.

This is where ERGs are beginning to play a pivotal role in amplifying voices and creating spaces where neurodiversity can be fully embraced. ERGs often organize events, workshops, and initiatives to celebrate diversity and raise awareness. In my

experience of working with companies with these dedicated groups, I have seen various focus areas that help spread education and elevate the lived experiences of neurodivergent minds. Groups of neurodivergent employees who are looking for support, or even groups of parents of neurodivergent children who are sharing resources, allow their members to exchange resources, offer a sounding board, or learn new approaches and systems that would benefit themselves or their children.

Neurodiversity-focused ERGs can be a powerful approach to removing stigma and biases around workplace neurodiversity through various avenues. They offer a community of individuals who may be struggling with similar challenges and provide an opportunity.

Neurodiversity-focused ERGs can be a powerful approach to removing stigma and biases around workplace neurodiversity through various avenues.

Imagine this: You have experienced a sense of “otherness” throughout your life. Suddenly, you discover a job where a community of people openly talks about obstacles and identifies resources specifically beneficial for your neurodivergent traits. There are others you can finally relate to.

Once employees feel safe to be themselves and are more understood by their peers and leaders, they can begin to unleash creative and innovative ideas—greatly benefiting the company’s bottom line in multiple ways.

Companies of all sizes can put in effort to create these communities. In some cases, you may find employees eager to identify opportunities where they can collaborate or lead these groups and disseminate helpful information among their workplace colleagues.

Jagmeet Kaur Sangha, BCBA is a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst. For over a decade, Jagmeet has worked in homes and schools, providing applied behavior analysis (ABA) services to children, supporting educators, and offering parent training consultations to caregivers. She is invested in educating the community and helping families and individuals receive top-quality behavior intervention services. Jagmeet uses the science of ABA to promote well-being and advance individuals, organizations, and society through connection, education, and behavior science. Her organization, Behavior Pivot Consulting, works with employees and employers to create neuro-inclusive communities within the workplace by focusing on identifying and building on individual strengths, promoting self-advocacy, and offering person-centered solutions related to workplace wellness.

�� www.behaviorpivot.com

✉ info@behaviorpivot.com

SAFETY GOALS WITH NICOLE

REDUCING THE RISK OF ABUSE WITH CHILDREN WITH DISABILITY

Teaching Basic Safety Skills to Your Loved One With Different Abilities

By Nicole Moehring

IT CAN BE EXTREMELY SCARY FOR A PARENT WHEN THEY LEARN THEIR CHILD HAS A DISABILITY. IN ADDITION TO THE DIAGNOSIS, THEY ARE GIVEN A LIST OF SPECIALISTS, SUGGESTED THERAPIES, AND “POSSIBLE” OUTCOMES FOR THEIR CHILD. BUT WHAT PARENTS ARE NOT GIVEN IS THE STATISTIC THAT THEIR CHILD IS NOW THREE TIMES MORE LIKELY TO BE A VICTIM OF ABUSE.

Parents need to know this information as they begin hiring caregivers and are more than likely relying on several people to care for their children. There is no education as to how to prevent abuse and what to do if their child discloses they were abused. All this information is extremely important and necessary.

Finally, caregivers must know how to teach their children basic safety techniques. This is another important bit of knowledge since children with disabilities tend to learn differently from neurotypical children.

Children with different abilities have an increased risk of safety concerns. As parents and caregivers of children with disabilities, it’s important to know your child’s skill level so you can create a safety plan and teach them the appropriate skill sets. I encourage you to speak with your child’s therapists, doctors, and the Individual Education Program (IEP) team to ask for any recommendations they may have and to add these safety goals to their targets for your child. This way, everyone is working towards the same outcome.

Tools to aid with teaching your child

As you create a safety plan, remember your child’s learning style and risk level (water attraction, tendency to wander or elope, impaired sense of danger, to name a few). Since children do not learn the same, each safety plan will be unique, just like IEPs. Take time to think about different scenarios that could occur. How would your child react without having any education? Use that as your guide as you are creating a safety plan.

As you begin teaching your child, consider using the following tools:

• Remaining consistent in daily life throughout all settings

• Role-playing

• Social stories

• Visual aids and schedules

What is role-playing?

Because most children with exceptional needs are literal and visual learners, role-playing is often effective when teaching

them about body safety and other safety measures. It is also important to note that role-playing needs to be continuously repeated for children to remember what to do if they are faced with emergency situations.

Ideas for role-playing

Teaching your child about their personal space is a great way for them to begin learning boundaries and safety. To do this, have your child hold their arms straight out to their sides while you stand just beyond their arm’s length. Make them begin to turn around slowly. While they are turning, explain to the child how much space should be kept between them and someone else unless the other person has been given permission to be closer. If your child uses a mobility aid to move around, the same process will apply while the child uses the aid.

Non-verbal cues

Help a child learn non-verbal cues by practicing various expressions, stances, or tones of voice and then decode your meaning explicitly. Have them practice their new skills by watching a TV program without sound. Then, ask them what the people onscreen might feel based on their expressions and movements.

Social stories

Social stories are written to explain a specific topic. They include pictures, and a small number of words to help a child with different abilities understand situations and possible expected behaviors by showing step-by-step instructions. These stories can be customized to include your child and/or family’s pictures, allowing your child to be able to recognize familiar faces.

Visual aids and schedules

Visual aids and schedules are important for children with exceptional needs because they can help reduce anxiety and allow them to know what is coming next. They also support communication and improve participation while teaching independence.

Important safety skills to teach your child

The following are examples of safety skills that could be included in your family safety plan, in your child’s IEP, or a list for their therapist to work on with them:

• Boundaries

• Crossing the street

• Knowing their:

• Name

• Address

• Parents’ cell phone numbers

• How to ask for help

• How to use a cell phone

• Safety at home

• Water safety

• What to do if a stranger approaches them

Nicole Moehring’s daughter and son, who has Fragile X Syndrome and autism, were both victims of sexual abuse. As a mother suffering through this unbelievable nightmare, Nicole witnessed extreme differences in the justice system regarding how her daughter was believed and treated well when her son was not. She also quickly recognized the distinct differences in recovery, trying to find support and resources. Nicole and her daughter Maci founded Voices of Change 2018 (VOC18), a nonprofit organization, to begin making much-needed change for children with disabilities and their families. VOC18 is a national organization piloting groundbreaking programs in Ohio. VOC18 is in the process of developing preventative education programs for children with disabilities while empowering parents and guardians. By sharing their lived experiences and through collaborations with other individuals, mental health professionals, law enforcement, and organizations, they are building a foundation of advocacy, abuse awareness, resources, and support for children with disabilities.

�� www.voicesofchange2018.org/ SQUARE-FACEBOOK www.facebook.com/voicesofchange2018/ LINKEDIN www.linkedin.com/company/voices-of-change-2018/ Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/voicesofchange2018/_created/ ✉ info@voicesofchange2018.com

Navigating the Autism Spectrum:

A Parental Perspective of Your Family's Journey

By Dan Holmes and Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes, EdD, MA, BCCC

Discovering your child may be on the autism spectrum can elicit a myriad of emotions—concern, confusion, fear, and sometimes even guilt. However, understanding autism from a parental lens can be the key to empowering both your child and your family. As parents who have journeyed through the diagnosis process and the challenges and joys of parenting a child on the autism spectrum, we'd like to share what we've learned. From the intricacies of diagnosis to the importance of family unity, here's our heartfelt advice to fellow parents.

The diagnosis process

Be patient and proactive.

• Start early: If you suspect your child might be on the autism spectrum, start the assessment process as early as possible. Early intervention can make a significant difference in a child's developmental trajectory. If you have a daughter, ensure the professional is trained and understands the nuances of assessing a girl.

• Seek professionals: A proper diagnosis often requires a multidisciplinary approach, including pediatricians, psychologists, and therapists. Remember, every child is unique, and what applies to one might not apply to another. Finding the right professionals is key to building your team.

• Trust your instincts: As parents, your intuition about your child is essential. If you feel something isn't right, even after professional consultations, seek a second or even third opinion.

Parenting a child on the autism spectrum

Review your foundations first.

• Educate yourself: Understanding autism will help you empathize with your child's world. Dive into literature, attend workshops, and join support groups. The more informed you are, the better equipped you'll be. Since our daughter's diagnosis, there are far more opportunities for support and education. You can hear such tips and advice on Converge Autism Radio, where Dr. Stephanie is an interim host, or the Holmes' own podcast, which also addresses autism and faith.

• Consistency is crucial: Children on the spectrum often thrive on routines. A consistent environment can help reduce anxiety and dysregulation. It is important for the parents to be on the same team and consistent in parenting.

• Celebrate small victories: No milestone is insignificant, no matter how minor it may seem. These moments underscore your child's progress and should be celebrated. Many parents focus on milestones not met or progress not made—make sure to find joy and celebrate the positives as a family.

• Always advocate: Whether it's in school, social settings, or among friends, always advocate for your child's needs and rights. Few churches or places of worship are prepared to serve kids with needs; finding the right place of worship that is trained and inclusive to your child's needs is important if you are a family with a faith tradition.

Strengthening the caregivers’ partner bond

If you have a partner or additional parental figure, you’re not the only one on this journey! Don’t shoulder everything alone.

Prioritize your relationships: While the child's needs can sometimes dominate daily life, it's crucial to prioritize your other relationships. Strong parental unity often translates to a more stable family environment. It is important to date and/ or spend quality time together. It is not easy, but it is essential. This also includes each partner having individual downtime for self-care. Try to keep up with friends and family to strengthen your support network.

Communicate openly: There will be challenges, and there will be disagreements. Open and honest communication is the key. Talk about your feelings, share your concerns, and always strive to be on the same page.

Seek couple's therapy: There's no shame in seeking therapy. Professional guidance can help navigate the challenges specific to parents of children with autism. Seek help from a therapist specializing in neurodiverse families or families with additional needs and challenges.

The often-overlooked siblings

Siblings of children with autism often find themselves in a unique position. They can be their sibling's fiercest protector, but they also face their own challenges. When there are daily challenges and parents are exhausted, assuming everything is okay with the non-autistic sibling(s) would be easy. Check in and allow them space to express needs and concerns without guilt or shame. Also allow them space without their sibling in various activities to cultivate their own gifts and strengths.

• Balance attention: It's natural for a child with autism to require more attention, but it's vital to ensure other

children don't feel neglected. Carve out individual time for each child to make them feel valued and cherished. This is hard to navigate but possible. Think creatively!

• Open dialogue: Encourage open communication about autism. Siblings might have questions or concerns. Addressing them can prevent feelings of resentment or confusion.

• Support groups: Just as there are support groups for parents, there are groups for siblings, too. Such settings allow them to express their feelings and learn they're not alone in their experiences.

To sum it up

Parenting a child on the autism spectrum, while undoubtedly challenging, can also be immensely rewarding. It's a journey

of patience, understanding, and unparalleled love. As you navigate this path, seek early help and thorough diagnosis. Trust your instincts.

Educate yourself and advocate for your child every step of the way. Strengthen your marital bond through open communication and prioritizing your relationship. And, crucially, don't overlook siblings. They play a pivotal role and need just as much love, understanding, and support.

Adopting a holistic family approach ensures that every family member feels valued, leading to a more harmonious, understanding, and supportive environment for all.

Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes, EdD, MA, BCCC, is a professional counselor, educator, researcher, author, and certified autism specialist with neurodiversity training. However, her real credential comes from being a mother to an amazing young adult Aspie (AS) daughter. Stephanie’s career focus changed in 2004 when her daughter was diagnosed with Asperger's (now AS Level One). Her book Confessions of a Christian Counselor was released in 2015 and is available on Amazon. Dr. Holmes is available for consulting, training, and speaking at www.HolmesASR.com. She is the interim host of Converge Autism Radio, where topics of autism from childhood to adulthood are covered. Dan Holmes and Dr. Stephanie Holmes share their hindsight learning as their eldest child on the spectrum is now 25! In their newly published book Embracing the Autism Spectrum: Finding Hope & Joy in the NeuroDiverse Family Journey, Dan and Stephanie discuss joys, heartaches, mistakes, and victories in their parenting journey. This book is the first of its kind to incorporate all four family members' perspectives of parents, the lived experience of autism, and the sibling experiences.

�� http://www.christianneurodiversefamilies.com/

The Caregiver Resolution Sessions

Interested in removing immediate stress and anxiety, and saving $5,000 to $10,000 (or more) every year by helping resolve situations that require leverage, urgency, and action to resolve caregiver-related matters of significance?

If you are the parent, family member, or a caregiver of an underage/adult special-needs child, aging parent, or loved one, there’s a process that will help you navigate the system and the bureaucracy to achieve a better result

Exceptional Needs Today has teamed up with The Reach For Me Network to bring you this powerful program about caregiver-oriented advocacy in action!

Together we will be hosting 60-minute free webinars, where Amy KD Tobik will interview the Founder of Reach For Me, Michael A Boylan, about his 5th book The Power to Get Justice designed to benefit parents/families raising special-needs children of any diagnosis, or who are caregiving for an aging parent/loved one

Caregivers and families are in frequent situations several times every year, where we must push hard to get matters resolved.

Matters like:

A claim that’s been denied by your health insurance

It’s taking forever to get an IEP from the school

You’re battling with the county or state

You’ve been over-charged by a hospital

You’re trying to resolve an issue with a group home

You have a loved one in an assisted living facility

You need an appointment with a specialist, but can’t get in for months

On the bi-monthly webinars, Amy KD Tobik will be interviewing Michael A. Boylan about how the process is helping caregivers. This trusted process could save thousands, even tens-of-thousands every year!

JOIN US and sign up for our free webinar coming soon!

Start Special Needs Planning Early with Top Guidance

By Ryan F. Platt, MBA, ChFC, ChSNC, CFBS

According to 2020 The Arc of United States Housing Survey, over 75% of adults with a disability live with their aging parents, and one million of those households in the United States are being managed by a parent over the age of 60. As a result, future planning needs to be discussed.

There are many obstacles to planning for the future, but one of the most common is that the status quo is working. Parents enjoy having their adult child live with them, and the adult with a disability knows nothing different, so all parties are comfortable with the situation. The issue that lies directly below the surface is the inevitability of the status quo being shaken when a guardian becomes ill or dies. Without a plan, chaos ensues, and other family members, often adult siblings, are forced to embark on emergency planning with no expertise and very little guidance.

Planning can be so overwhelming because the choices can seem endless, and the starting point is often unknown. When embarking on Special Needs Planning, consider following these three steps:

1. Identify your team

• Seek expert guidance

This person or organization will have the expertise, specialization, and knowledge to coordinate and manage the pieces of your plan to provide the best level of support for your loved one.

• Determine manager of daily life

This person, people, and/or organization will handle dayto-day life, including living arrangements, transportation, volunteer activities, employment, recreation, and more. This area is often multi-pronged and involves family members who make final decisions and organizations that carry out many daily activities.

• Financial management support

This area may also require a team. You may have a family member who will make final decisions regarding money, but you will also have them supported by experts to help carry out decisions properly, especially when it comes to managing a Special Needs Trust and/or ABLE Account. Financial management will also include managing the government benefits, which will involve being a Representative Payee and keeping up with the associated paperwork and reporting.

2. Construct a financial and legal plan

• Creating a plan

Determine the cost of your loved one’s lifetime support needs.

Identify any available resources. These resources can be from the parent’s income and assets, family members, the individual with the disability’s income and assets, and government benefits.

Understand the risks associated with these resources, including the government changing the rules on their benefit programs, tax legislation changes, market volatility, and the increased cost of care.

• Designing the proper legal structure

Depending on the family situation, the legal structure will most likely include a Will, Special Needs Trust, Powers of Attorney, Health Care Power of Attorney, Living Will, and other legal tools that can assist the family in the proper management and execution of the plan.

3. Share the plan

•

Write a letter of intent

The letter of intent is a written document that describes your loved one’s daily life, activities, interests, behaviors, diet, medical history, prescriptions, people involved in their life, and the goals they have for their life (including preferred living arrangement situations).

• Schedule a team meeting

Schedule a time to bring the team together (either in person or through technology). This will allow all team members to meet one another, and more importantly, this meeting will clarify each member’s role and responsibility.

Planning for the future support needs of your loved one with a special needs diagnosis can seem daunting, but it is possible and more achievable than you know.

Contact a financial advisor who specializes in serving families with special needs for more information on how to prepare for the future. The team at A Special Needs Plan is driven by our purpose of leading families to independence through an ongoing, multi-generational plan. We are passionate about families confidently moving forward.

KATE MAKES IT GREAT! Button Pushing: Why Your Different Ability Loved One Seeks Your Reaction

By Kate C. Wilde

HELLO TO ALL YOU AMAZING AND WONDERFUL PARENTS, PROFESSIONALS, AND CAREGIVERS OF OUR EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN AND ADULTS. I HOPE YOU TAKE A MOMENT EACH DAY NOT ONLY TO APPRECIATE YOURSELVES AND ALL YOU OFFER YOUR BELOVED CHARGES BUT ALSO TO DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE, TOO.

In this issue, I will address questions sent to me about certain little or big things our children or adults do that “get under our skin,” as Carol from Quebec shared in her letter to us. As you read this, you will probably have one or two pet peeves immediately coming to mind. Let’s get started with some questions!

Carol from Quebec, Canada, asks:

My girl is amazing! Her name is Annabel. She is seven years old and is so, so gentle and sweet. She has Cerebral palsy (CP), seizures, and is nonspeaking…I really do love her. But there is one thing she does that really gets under my skin, and I am ashamed to say I have been known to shout at her when she does it. I tell her I don’t like it and ask her to stop, but she just seems to find this amusing and keeps doing it while laughing in a way I can only describe as at me. It’s like she knows she is doing something wrong but does not care. I feel very helpless; nothing I do seems to help the situation. She spits on the windows and mirrors and plays in it so that it makes big smudges. It can be very embarrassing, as she will do it at other people’s houses, but interestingly, only when I am there. I thank you in advance for your help.

Carol, I am so happy you wrote in! From everything you said; this is what I call a button push. A button push is when a child or adult does something not because they enjoy doing the activity itself (in your case, spitting and playing with it) but to see a reaction from someone (in this case, you). When you said she does it at other people’s houses only when you are there, it gives me much confidence in my theory that this is why she is doing it. A button push is done ONLY to illicit another’s reaction. She needs you to witness it so she can see your response. The reason you get the feeling “she is laughing at you” is because it is your reaction that amuses her.

This is good news! When you change your reaction to her spitting, she will move on from the activity, as it will no longer elicit the response she is looking for. There are three steps to turn your response around:

1. Change what you think on the inside.

I want you to visualize your daughter spitting on a mirror and playing in it, and then come up with reasons why it is an acceptable activity for her. Here are some suggestions to start you off:

• Nobody is getting hurt.

• It is a safe and peaceful activity.

• It can easily be cleaned up.

• She is not spitting at me; she is just spitting on an object.

• She is so smart about figuring out how to get a reaction; this is very socially aware.

• I can admire the beauty or creativity of her spit pictures.

Everything is about perspective. Change your thoughts about the spit, which will help change your external reaction. Internalizing the thoughts above will soften how you feel, allowing you to reduce the behavior by no longer offering an amusing reaction.

2. Change what you do on the outside.

Stop showing all outward reactions you expressed before. No shouting, no trying to reason with her, no giving her a lecture about why it is not a good thing to do, no making exaggerated annoyed facial expressions or big sighs, etc. (You can see why it is important to change your inner thoughts about this first).

When she does it again:

• If you were smiling, keep smiling.

• If you had a straight face, keep a straight face.

• If you were in the middle of talking to her, keep speaking as if you have not seen what she has just done.

• Do not clean it up straight away. Leave the spit for a couple of days to show her you no longer mind this happening.

3. Give a big reaction to something else.

This is key! If she is button-pushing you, you know she is looking for your previous reaction. It is important that, in the next 10 minutes after she has provoked you with her spit play, you pick something she does that you WANT to encourage and give a big, huge reaction to it. The chosen behavior could be many things, such as:

• Holding your hand

• Drawing a picture

• Looking at you

• Hugging you

It is important your calculated reaction is “over the top” rather than a regular celebration. Use all the animated powers you have, including:

• Exaggerated cheerful facial expressions.

• Large, big body movements, such as your arms flying through the air or jumping up and down.

• Fun sound effects or silly voices.

Your new reaction must compete with the reactions you give when you are annoyed with her. These are most likely more vivid and interesting than your regular celebratory ones, so step it up a notch.

Do these three steps consistently, and you will find Annabel stops playing with her spit and starts doing the action you are now giving an over-the-top reaction to.

Jane and Mark from Pennsylvania, USA, ask: Our son, Caleb, is 11, on the spectrum, and talks in small phrases. We want to know more about how to discipline him. He is going through a weird phase of repeating us when we try to discipline him when he keeps eating different food items. He will go into the kitchen, pick up three or more pieces of fruit and just take one bite out of each, then leave the rest. Or he will open multiple items in the fridge to take just one bite. It is spoiling all our food and infuriates us. We have given him a time-out, taken away his iPad, raised our voices, scolded him, and explained why we don’t want him to do it. We have even given him his own food items to take one bite out of (a therapist told us to do that), which we thought was ingenious, but he just ignored those items, took our items, and did the same thing. He does not even try and sneak the food; he will do it right in front of us, and then repeat anything we say about it but not stop doing it. We feel very frustrated by it. We also want you to know he can understand and follow other rules, just not this one—it drives us a little insane. We appreciate any advice you can offer on the subject.

Hi Jane and Mark, I hear you! That must be a lot of food wasted. Congratulations on trying all sorts of different solutions. I agree that the “his own food bowl suggestion” was ingenious! The reason none of your solutions work is because this is not a matter of discipline. What he is doing is a button push. Any amount of discipline will just increase the behavior when something is a button push.

When we discipline, we tend to be stern, our voices and facial expressions change. When we get infuriated or frustrated, we can look, using your words, “a little insane.” Think of Disney’s “bad guy” movie characters. They have the best costumes, smoke comes out of their ears, their heads get larger, their voices are fun, and lots of interesting things happen to their physical bodies. In contrast, the “heroes” of those movies are tame. Occasionally, their teeth sparkle, or they smile big, but not much else happens. No wonder many of our young people want to reenact the “baddie” roles.

Often, when we discipline our loved ones from an infuriated place, we can become as fun and animated as the “baddie” in Disney movies. I think this fits your situation, especially because you shared that your son does not do this in a sneaky way but right in front of you. This is because he wants to see and hear your reaction. It pleases him, and that is why he repeats you.

Please do not take this personally; he is not trying to get you mad, he is trying to get you to react in a particular way that he enjoys. A young autistic man once told me all he had to do was to pick his nose, and his mum would “act all funny.” He picked his nose any time he wanted to be entertained.

Do the three steps outlined in the answer to the first question. Be sure to do this over a period of time. Sometimes, our children or adults stop the button-push activities as soon as their caregivers stop reacting. Other times, it takes a couple of days. Go the distance! You will be so happy you did.

Send in your questions, stories, and thoughts. I so enjoy being part of your journey! See you in the next issue.

Kate C. Wilde has spent the past 30 years working with children and adults on the autism spectrum and their families, as well as with therapists, educators, and schools. She is the author of the acclaimed books Autism Abracadabra: Seven Magic Ingredients to Help Develop Your Child's Interactive Attention Span, Autistic Logistics: A Parent's Guide to Tackling Bedtime, Toilet Training, Tantrums, Hitting, and Other Everyday Challenges, and The Autism Language Launcher: A Parent's Guide to Helping Your Child Turn Sounds and Words into Simple Conversations, and is renowned for the well-attended courses she teaches throughout the U.S., Europe, and Asia. Her YouTube autism quick-tip videos, delivered with her trademark infectious enthusiasm, have garnered a worldwide following.

�� www.katecwilde.com/ �� www.autismcrisisturnaround.com/

IN SEARCH OF PERSONALIZED EXPERT GUIDANCE?

Send us your parenting questions, woes, concerns, and tricky situations with your beautiful, exceptional children. This includes all of you outstanding professionals out there. Kate will answer up to five questions in every issue in her "Kate Makes It Great!" column. Kate has worked with children and adults on the spectrum for the past 30 years. She has clocked more than 20,000 therapy hours and has worked with well over 1,500 different children. Whatever you are facing today, Kate has most likely experienced it in some form. Her answers will be practical, doable, inspiring, optimistic, down-to-earth, and real. Together, there is nothing we cannot face with a little joy and love. Submit your questions to submissions@exceptionalneedstoday.com.

Understanding the Many Facets of the Special Education System

By Priya Pasumarthy, MS

JUST LIKE ANY OTHER SYSTEM, SPECIAL EDUCATION HAS MULTIPLE FACETS. THIS ARTICLE INTENDS TO SHED LIGHT ON WAYS PEOPLE CAN BECOME AWARE OF THEM SO THEY CAN PLAN AND ADVOCATE FOR GRADE-LEVEL EDUCATION ALONG WITH APPROPRIATE ACCOMMODATIONS.

Knowing their rights, laws, and regulations would help people understand the system's dynamics. Instead of feeling stranded without many options, parents can prepare themselves by looking out for resources, avoiding common pitfalls, and benefitting from quality education or services. This would further help them exercise their rights, which would, in turn, foster independence and quality of life for their loved ones impacted with disabilities.

One of special education’s facets can be called opaque as it encompasses the de-sync between laws and systems involved, the implementations of outdated philosophies in the Individualized Education Programs (IEPs), noncompliance, practiced segregation, ineffective teaching strategies, stigmas, and above all, the adults with disabilities who age out of schools without proper preparations to live independently in society or who can only sustain low wage jobs. It is characterized by no progress in skills achievement and not being able to access grade-level curriculum. There is no one factor to blame; this facet is more deeply rooted in a continuing reformation, which is taking time to get caught up.

The degree of difference between opaque to translucent facets or vice-versa is not too obtuse; they do get reflected in low-quality services and education to varying degrees. The

translucent facet is characterized by slow progress in skill achievement. It is a fact that if no timely actions are taken, this facet will turn opaque and be much harder to overcome. A vast majority of families fall under these facets, unaware that both are reversible to transparent facets through active, timely advocacy.

The transparent facet covers the aspects of compliance in implementations, teaching grade level curriculum, using evidence-based methods, effective teaching, practices inclusion, use of technology/AAC integrated into classroom/settings, and further preparing students to transition to college or into society to live independently—which yields to quality. This is the ultimate target or the ideal facet to be in. Keep an eye on this facet as any desync or loopholes in the implementations could spiral down to an opaque-translucent facet.

We can see that, just like any other system, even special education has multiple facets. Parents and caregivers of individuals affected with disabilities need to become aware of the current trends of the special education system to set their expectations and navigate through them. This would further help them exercise their rights, negotiate for services, and access grade-level curriculums, which ensures every step fosters quality education for loved ones impacted with disabilities.

Priya Pasumarthy, MS, is the author of Our Little Promise (2022) and Halloween at Luke's (2019) and is a health care provider. She holds a Master of Science degree in Marine Biology and lives with her family in the Bay Area of California. She loves adventures; so far, her favorites include bungy jumping in New Zealand and hiking the Hverfjall Volcano in Iceland. Her hobbies include cooking, shopping, reading, writing, watching films, and horseback riding.

MESSY FUN: Sensory Play in Your Own Backyard!

By Amy Wagenfeld, PhD, OTR/L, SCEM, EDAC, FAOTA

Have you ever wondered what soil is? I am currently deep into my King County Master Gardener training program, and one of our first units was about soil science. When you stop to think about it, soil is amazing. According to Craig Cogger, Associate Soil Scientist, WSU Puyallup Research and Extension Center, Puyallup, WA, soil is a combination of weathered bits of rock and organic matter that sits atop the earth’s surface. Soil is alive and home to many, many, many microorganisms, invertebrates, and lots of plant roots.

Soil depth varies from just a few inches to as much as five or more feet. About half of soil is made up of pore spaces that act like sponges. Soil's main purpose is to provide nutrients, water, and a physical foundation for plants and their root systems. The organisms in soil are major recyclers, as they can turn dead cells and tissues into nutrients, energy, carbon dioxide, and water to fuel new life (Cogger, 2022, p. 3-2).

When it comes to gardens and nature, getting your hands dirty can be a good thing. Mycobacterium vaccae, a bacteria found in soil, is associated with an increased capacity to learn and be happy (Glausiusz, 2007; Matthews et al., 2013). With that said, I

have identified 10 ways to incorporate soil into your child’s life, and none advocates for or involves eating it

While I share a few modifications, please feel free to change and adapt the suggestions further to best meet your child’s needs and tolerances. Until they feel comfortable removing them, gloves can and should be worn for people who have sensory differences. Be sure to take photos of your child’s creations and return natural materials to the earth when done with an activity.

Important note: Cover any table or work surface you want to use later for other purposes, such as eating or schoolwork!

Mud prep

Fill a container with soil. Moisten the soil with a spray bottle or cups of water. Mix the soil to form a mud-like consistency.

• Modify: Use your hands to mix the soil and water.

• Modify: Use sturdy wooden spoons, sticks, or trowels to combine the soil and water.

• Modify: Sit or stand to mix the mud.

Paint with mud:

Fill a bucket or pail with soil or mud. Thin it to a texture allowing a paintbrush to “sludge” through it. Place heavy paper, canvas, or cardboard on a tabletop or vertically to increase the therapeutic challenge. Provide various types of paintbrushes and encourage your child to have a go.

• Modify: Fingers work well in place of brushes.

• Modify: Be aware of the temperature of the mud mix—too cold may feel uncomfortable for some children.

Mud pancakes:

A handful of mud can be flattened together between hands or placed on a tabletop and flattened with a spatula. Decorate the pancakes with found objects such as flower petals, seeds, etc.

• Modify: Instead of a spatula, use a sturdy leaf to help flatten the pancake.

• Modify: Make big, small, thin, and thick pancakes

• Modify: Make variously shaped pancakes.

Mud tracks:

Line a sheet pan or cookie sheet you will no longer use for baking with pliable mud. Provide your child with different-sized toy cars and trucks that can drive around the mud and leave tracks. Compare the different sizes and types of tracks left behind.

• Modify: Make tracks based on shapes—circles, ovals, squares, rectangles, etc.

• Modify: Use small vehicles to draw letters and numbers in the mud.

Worm painting:

Place mud or soil in a round or square pan you will no longer use to cook or bake with. Pat it down to be smooth or not—it is your child’s choice. Drag or glide various four-to-eight-inch lengths of reddish string or yarn over and through the mud or soil. When done, complete the painting by placing the worms where they “should be.”

• Modify: Use tweezers or small tongs to place the worms on the soil.

• Modify: Use a spoon or spatula to flatten the soil or mud in the pan.

• Modify: If you work directly on a tabletop, you do not need to use a pan.

Splash in the mud:

This is a free-form activity that can be done wearing boots or, better still: barefooted. Either find a mud puddle or create one in an outdoor play area. If your child is a wheelchair user, consider filling a basin with thinned mud. Take off their shoes and socks, remove or swing away the wheelchair footrests, and place their feet in the mud basin.

SENSORY STRATEGIES

• Modify: A basin filled with thinned mud is equally fun to splash in with hands and arms.

Plant seeds:

A time-honored dirt-centric activity, the first step to growing flowers, fruit, vegetables, or herbs is to plant seeds. Gather up a supply of small pots or containers with drainage holes.

Place a small piece of a disposable coffee filter over the drainage hole and fill the container with potting soil. Avoid topsoil as it is too dense and will suffocate the tender roots. Make a small indentation in the soil and pop in a seed (follow the seed package directions for the correct placement depth). Gently cover the seed with soil and lightly water the soil. Place the container or pot in a drain tray in a sunny place. Once the plant is large enough, transplant it to a larger pot or place it in a garden.

• Modify: Use small handfuls of soil to fill the container or pot by hand.

• Modify: Use a spoon to fill the container or pot with soil.

• Modify: Scoop the pot or container directly into a bowl of soil, ensuring the coffee filter stays over the drainage hole.

• Modify: Poke a shallow seed hole with a chopstick or the eraser end of a pencil.

• Modify: Use a spray bottle filled with water to moisten the soil.

• Modify: Moisten the soil with an eye dropper or turkey baster.

Treasure hunt:

Hide objects such as small plastic animals, insects, dinosaurs, and/or sea creatures in a bowl of mud or soil. What can you find?

• Modify: Use tongs to dig around and retrieve objects.

• Modify: Sort and create categories of found objects.

Mud pool:

A whole-body experience—fill a kiddie pool with mud and let the mess begin. Provide scoops, bowls, and the like to play with in the mud.

• Modify: Fill the pool with soil instead of mud.

• Modify: Like when splashing in the mud, if your child is a wheelchair user, consider filling a basin with soil. Take off

their shoes and socks, remove or swing the wheelchair footrests away, and place their feet in a soil basin or directly into the kiddie pool.

Mud ice:

Fill ice cube trays you will no longer use to make consumable ice cubes with mud. Instead of freezing them, allow them to bake in the sun. Once dried, remove cubes from the trays (adults may need to help by sliding a butter knife around the edge of each mud cube to remove them from the tray). Cubes can be used to build and generally play with.

• Modify: Use various kinds of ice cube trays, not just the traditional ones.

• Modify: Place an object, such as a small plastic animal or insect, in the cube as you fill the trays. Once dried, use fingers or a small hammer or mallet to break the cube apart to find the hidden treasure.

Mud bath:

Gather up a supply of medium-sized plastic animals and plastic balls (etc.) and fill a basin with mud. “Wash” the plastic item with mud and then clean it up.

• Modify: Immerse the item directly into the basin.

• Modify: Use a brush to paint the object with mud.

• Modify: Rinse the item under a faucet or with a hose.

• Modify: Scrub the object clean with a brush or towel and basin of water.

Have fun!

References

Cogger, C. (2022). Soil science. In, WSU master gardener handbook. Glausiusz, J. (2007). Mind & brain/depression and happiness–raw data “Is dirt the new prozac? Discover Magazine.

Matthews, D. M., & Jenks, S. M. (2013). Ingestion of Mycobacterium vaccae decreases anxiety-related behavior and improves learning in mice. Behavioural processes, 96, 27-35. https://doi.org/10.1016/j. beproc.2013.02.007

Play Ideas (2023). 25 ideas to play with dirt. https://www.playideas.com/25ways-to-play-with-dirt/

Amy Wagenfeld, PhD, OTR/L, SCEM, EDAC, FAOTA, is Principal of Amy Wagenfeld | Design and Lecturer in the PostProfessional Occupational Therapy Doctoral Program at Boston University. She is a Fellow of the American Occupational Therapy Association and the Center for Health Systems and Design at Texas A&M University and holds evidencebased design accreditation and certification (EDAC) through the Center for Health Design, specialty certification in environmental modifications (SCEM) through the American Occupational Therapy Association, and certification in healthcare garden design through the Chicago Botanical Garden. Amy presents and publishes widely on topics relating to access to nature and is co-author of the award-winning book Therapeutic Gardens: Design for Healing Spaces, published by Timber Press. When not designing gardens, researching, or developing garden and nature programs, Amy can be found happily digging in the dirt

�� www.amywagenfelddesign.com

�� workjournal.org/nurture-through-nature

Five Ways Your Church Can Be More Inclusive for People with Autism

By Ron Sandison, MDiv

IN NOVEMBER, I BECAME THE FIRST LICENSED ASSEMBLIES OF GOD MINISTER DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM IN THEIR 100-YEAR HISTORY. OUT OF 38,000 CREDITED MINISTERS, I AM THE ONLY ONE WITH AUTISM. I SPEAK AT 25 CHURCHES A YEAR ON AUTISM AND FAITH. SINCE 2015, I HAVE SPOKEN LIVE TO 250,000 PEOPLE ON THE TOPIC OF AUTISM AND MENTAL HEALTH.

In the U.S., only five percent of Christian families who have a child with autism attend church. When I graduated from Oral Roberts University in 2002 with my Master of Divinity, I struggled with finding a fulltime ministry position. For four years, I worked at two churches as an intern in ministry and as a youth pastor.

Dr. Lamar Hardwick, a pastor and author with autism, shares: “God’s image is reflected in all his creation, and the church should seek to bring attention to the very image of God that is seen in the lives of those who live with disabilities. I believe that what the disability and autism community need most from the church in order to feel welcomed and valued is a church that intentionally includes them in being image bearers of God.”

As a young minister with autism, my social awkwardness and sensory issues caused me to struggle in conversation with congregants. I had difficulty with eye contact and would often make unfiltered comments that caused people to view me as lacking empathy. My early experience in the church was like Nancy Eiesland, author of The Disabled God: Toward a Liberatory Theology of Disability, writes: “The history of the church’s interaction with the disabled is, at best, an ambiguous one. Rather than being a structure for empowerment, the church has more often supported the societal structures and attitudes that have treated people with disabilities as objects of pity or paternalism. For many disabled persons, the church has been a ‘city on a hill’—physically inaccessible and socially inhospitable.”

I found some churches socially inhospitable toward autism and unaccepting of my autistic quirks. In my struggles with ministering, I’ve learned five ways churches can become more inclusive toward people with autism or disabilities:

1. Provide education to the congregation on autism and the challenges families with a child or children on the spectrum experience in attending service. This education will help people understand autism and the challenges we on the spectrum and our families experience while promoting inclusion. Churches can offer education opportunities by having people with autism share their journeys and struggles during a Sunday morning or Wednesday night service or hosting an autism conference. Inclusion should begin with the lead pastor and ministry team sharing from the pulpit about autism and teaching from the Bible the importance of inclusion.

2. Teach the leadership team and congregants to accept autistic quirks and unusual behavior. Warn that autism or disabilities will likely result in “messiness” in a peaceful church. My co-worker, Robert, shared with me a humorous story about his 15-year-old cousin, Mark, who has

Asperger’s syndrome, attending his grandfather’s funeral.

Mark, who is Protestant and has sensory smell issues, had never been to a Catholic Church. As the pallbearers carried his grandfather’s casket, the priest conducting the funeral announced: “Please, bow your heads and close your eyes for a moment of silence in reverence for the departed.” The altar boys followed, waving the thurible as the aroma of incense quickly filled the sanctuary. In the midst of the silence, Mark screamed: “Who the HELL would bring incense to a funeral? What the –!” Well, you can imagine the rest.

Dr. Stanley Hauerwas, a professor at Duke Divinity School, shares: “Only when we learn how to be with those different from us can we learn to accept the love that each of us needs to sustain a community capable of worshipping God.” St. Leonard Anglican in Toronto posted a sign in front of the church that is a good motto for autism inclusion in religious services: “Embrace the odd, for they shall shape the universe.”

3. For churches to have inclusion, they need to equip leadership to work with children who are pre-verbal or have higher needs on the spectrum. These children may cause disruption or manifest outbursts; they may need special accommodations. Leadership should teach children in the congregation about autism so they will have compassion for their peers who have unique needs.

Inclusion is important because children with autism are members of Christ’s Body and important to God. Dr. Steve Grcevich, founder of Family Center by Falls, blogged: “Cultivating a culture of inclusion greatly reduces the pushback from church members and attendees when accommodations need to be made. Adults who value the imperative of including everyone with gifts and talents to contribute to the mission of the church can use the questions kids ask when peers are treated differently as ‘teachable moments.’”

4. Provide accommodations for sensory issues and other needs. Church leadership should be sensitive to sensory issues. For many individuals with autism, like me, senses provide unreliable information, causing great discomfort and anxiety. William Stillman describes autism spectrum disorder’s (ASD) hypersensory issues and writes: “Sensory sensitivities are the uncomfortable, painful, or upsetting sensation you receive in reaction to sensory stimuli that are beyond your tolerance threshold. These sensations relate to your five senses either singularly or in

combination. For example, perhaps the scent of a certain food odor or strong perfume makes you feel nauseated or headachy, or you may have an aversion to both the sight and sound of a large crowd.”

Many children with autism have difficulty sitting still during the service. A church can accommodate these children by providing an area for them to pace. Other children are sensitive to touch and experience great anxiety when the pastor says: “Greet the person next to you.” Be sensitive to children with sensory issues. A church with a culture of accommodation believes every person can participate in worship regardless of disability or neurodivergence and adjusts to meet their needs.

5. Develop a buddy program to encourage social interaction and inclusion. When I was in middle school, Pastor Steve, the supervisor of Sunday school programs, assigned a college-age youth worker, Brian, to be my buddy. Brian would sit next to me in Sunday school and

explain the topics the teacher was discussing. He also asked me questions to make sure I understood the lessons. Brain loved sports and was a former track runner.

When I attended youth group events and retreats, Brian encouraged me to develop friendships and participate in the activities. At least twice a month, Brian planned some fun events for us. We played basketball on Wednesday nights and went to the movies. Brian’s faith in Christ and loving actions helped me understand the meaning of being a disciple of Christ, and he was influential in my becoming a minister.

The apostle Paul said it best: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us” (2 Corinthians 4:7). Inclusion churches attract people with autism and disability by making them feel a sense of belonging, providing accommodations, and equipping them for ministry to build up the Body of Christ.

Ron Sandison, MDiv., works full-time in the medical field and is a Professor of Theology at Destiny School of Ministry. He is an advisory board member of the Autism Society Faith Initiative of the Autism Society of America, the Art of Autism, and the Els Center of Excellence. Ron holds a Master of Divinity from Oral Roberts University and is the author of A Parent’s Guide to Autism: Practical Advice. Biblical Wisdom published by Siloam, and Thought, Choice, Action. He has memorized over 15,000 Scriptures, including 22 complete books of the New Testament. Ron speaks at over 70 events a year, including 20-plus education conferences. Ron and his wife, Kristen, reside in Rochester Hills, MI, with their daughter, Makayla.

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✉ sandison456@hotmail.com

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Video of Ron speaking on autism and faith at a church: www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2U3nL9d_o0