INSPIRE
A COSY CORNER BY COSETTE AWAD I am Living in a Torn Land “You’re a child of war”… that’s what my parents used to tell me. I lost all my beautiful childhood memories, except a gift, a convertible burgundy wedding car with a groom and bride that I used to play with, in the yard, next to the wrecks. All I can remember is bombing and destruction. And no one had told me that life is more than a playground and failing tests when I was a kid. I was young, too young to understand, but I had hope for a better tomorrow. I had a dream. A couple of years later, that dream of becoming an astronaut, has changed to dreaming of becoming a poet. So, I can change the world.
Photographer: Kareem Nakkash Instagram: @kareem_nakkash https://www.instagram.com/kareem_ nakkash Model: Walid Rajjab Instagram: @walidrajjab
I woke up a decade later, and nothing has changed. I remember walking in the ruins downtown, looking around at the few shops that were still open there; I used to imagine how life was before all this happen before my country became the torn land it is today. I travelled, tried to start from zero, twice, then came back home and said, “I’m not leaving anymore.” Regardless of all the tragedies, I refuse to lose faith; I refuse to let go of the last trace of hope I have. But everything that happened after the blast of August is not the same as before that day. And, the most challenging thing we have to endure now is the guilt of being alive, while our city is soaked with blood and our victims are buried under the ruins of what once was of the most beautiful cities in the world. The most common thing we often tend to do is find ourselves asking a hundred “Why?” between every breath and another. And every motivational word now seems like a cliché quote, saved on our phone gallery. I grieved Beirut; I mourned the people my beloved Beirut lost. I cried for three days, it’s a process, and I always trust the process.
40 | eYs Magazine, December 2020
https://www.instagram.com/walidrajjab I had my shares of losses, and I never really belonged to a place, and then I realized all the places are home because everyone I love is here. I’m pulling myself together; I’m going to be strong because it’s a damn responsibility to do that when someone you love tells you, “I need you.” Nothing makes sense, and nothing will work for a while. I’m confused now, just like you, but we will get through, we always do. It’s a long process, you know, you don’t have to be okay now. You can bury yourself under your blanket and cry; you can hide in your room not wanting to deal with the world right now or go out and help if you wish. This may be what makes you feel better, or you can pray, or write, or reach out for help, there are so many ways, and none of them is wrong, don’t let anyone tell you how to feel... Never! Heal in your own way; in situations like those, there is no right and wrong.
