INSPIRE
A COSY CORNER By Cosette Awad Letters to the Universe
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here are so many things that change your life and make you aware that you are made of beautiful stardust in an immense world. So many turning points in your life that make you understand that some prayers and wishes are answered, you can call them higher powers, call them Gods, prophets, and saints, call them the universe, but whatever they are, they listen to you, and they make you realize that you are not alone in this world. It all started when I wrote my first note to the universe and kept it under my pillow. I’ve never talked about my experience with the universe; I never actually talked about my life, to begin with. And because all I have is my words and the love this universe gave me to overcome every obstacle I faced, I can’t be but grateful and talk about what happened to me and how my life has changed. To expose myself like this took a lot of courage from me, and I owe it to my beloved editor Jasmina, who encouraged me to talk about myself instead of others this time. And I’m so glad that I’m doing this because there is nothing greater and purer than being true to myself and others.
72 | eYs Magazine, Autumn 2021
I’ve been living in a cocoon for so long, a bubble I call my own; I was too afraid to open up to people, to love, and to share my sorrows, happiness, failures, and success with anyone. Being scared of loving again because I don’t want to lose anyone anymore. I experienced loss more than other people did; to lose a cousin, a best friend, and my mother was more than what I can endure. I have suffered alone for so long that I didn’t even know that it would’ve been much easier if someone took my hand, held me, or told me that everything will be okay, if not today, one day. The last three years have been the most difficult ones; I lost my mother on the 14th of February, day that is supposed to be the day of LOVE. While people celebrate love, I grieve my mother’s loss. It wasn’t just an ordinary death; she was killed due to a horrible accident that put her in a coma for 3 months, where she fought to stay alive, but in the end, death won. Last year, while people were fighting the pandemic, which to this day, is still the worst nightmare of the entire world population, the person I love the most in this world was battling cancer -that he finally beat- and my best friend, the only constant person in my life, was injured in the Beirut blast. And I too was suffering from an illness. Imagine, on top of what everyone is going through, due to our situation in Lebanon, I had to deal with all of that as well. I bottled up all my pain, sadness, and fears of losing the people I love the most, as I always thought the ones, I love leave. Because that is what happened all my life, they always leave... For a long time, I thought that I am unloved and incapable of loving. I came from a broken home, a damaged childhood, a horrible teenage life, and in order to survive, I needed to do things on my own. I had my mother, but she, too, had been dealing with a lot in life. So, I had to be tough on my own. It took me years
