Dressing Up Anyway

When I was a little girl, my mother bought me a new Easter outfit every year: dress, coat, shoes, purse, hat, and gloves. When I would look at myself wearing the outfit, I thought I was beautiful. I was not born a food addict. I started eating addictively at eight years old. My mother was pregnant, and I felt threatened that I would be replaced. That was also my last year for new Easter outfits. I did not stop eating addictively for the next six decades.

Eventually, I found FA and by following the FA program, I lost 122 pounds. By Easter of 2019, I was at a comfortable weight and had been for a few months. Wanting to relive the memory of dressing up, I set a goal to have a beautiful Easter outfit for 2020. After six months of searching, I found the perfect outfit in October. It was an off-white designer suit in a size 4, with accompanying shoes, purse, and gloves. Easter was six months away, however, and I did not know if I could wait that long to wear it. I decided to practice patience and gratitude. My gratitude was limited somewhat by my impatience, but I kept at it. I could do it! For two-and-a-half years, God had helped me abstain from flour and sugar and only eat weighed, measured, and committed foods. In addition, my connection with God had grown and strengthened because of the FA discipline of daily meditation.

I had prayed and been a member of a religious denomination before I came to FA, but it was the disciplines I practiced in FA, such as meditating and reading FA literature, that cleared up my diseased thinking and helped me learn how to handle situations intuitively. Consequently, I knew that with God’s help I could certainly wait six months to wear my lovely outfit. Never once did I wonder if I would be able to fit into the clothes. I had a new-found security. I knew that as long as I continued following the FA program, I would be fine. But by March of 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic was taking place, and we were under “shelter-in-place” orders. At first, I felt like I was in a prison. Large gatherings were no longer allowed, which meant no FA meetings and no church services. During this initial turmoil, I forgot about my Easter outfit. Before I knew it, Easter Sunday arrived. I had the perfect outfit and I wanted to dress up and feel beautiful, but now there was nowhere to go. I felt disappointed.

Without a clear reason and even though no one would see me, I decided to dress up anyway. My husband did, too. We had our own little meeting, just the two of us, and we took pictures. At the end of the day my husband said it had been a lovely Easter. I asked him why he thought so. He said my dressing up made him feel special and eased the burden of sheltering in place. Both our spirits had been lifted. I sent the photos to my daughter, who sent them to others. Many responded that their spirits had also been lifted. The experience taught me that dressing up was more than just for me, it was an expression of gratitude to my Higher Power for the gifts I had been given, including my healthy body. In addition, I learned that the gift of dressing up translates to others, like being pleasant or smiling. Others feel appreciated and it helps lighten their load. I will remember Easter 2020 with fondness, because of how uniquely special it was and the many lessons I learned.