Falling Through the Cracks

Taking a second quiet time was not a suggestion that was foreign to me. It is just one that I didn’t want to accept. Usually, I talk, think, walk, and move fast. Often on outreach calls, fellows share with me that they cannot understand me because I speak too quickly. “Slow down,” I am told. So when my sponsor suggested that I take a second quiet time, I finally decided to give it a try. I was working on my 90 days of abstinence after being in FA for 12 years. I feared that if I didn’t take my sponsor’s suggestions, I would eat again. I was also tired of that “revved up” feeling and lack of peace. I thought, If I don’t change, nothing changes.

One afternoon at the doctor’s office, I had a cast removed from my wrist and an X-ray taken to confirm that it had healed. A staff member escorted me back to the exam room where I waited for the doctor. I took a selfie and posted it on Facebook, declaring my freedom from the cast. I scrolled through my Facebook feed, checked my email, and texted friends and fellows. After 20 minutes, I thought, This is taking a bit longer than I expected. Maybe I should do that second quiet time while I am waiting. I set my timer, closed my eyes, sat comfortably, and got quiet.

When the timer went off, I felt relaxed. Noticing that it had been almost an hour, I poked my head out the door and kindly asked a nurse if I was supposed to be waiting to see the doctor or if I was free to go. She looked at me blankly and told me she would find out. Five minutes later, the doctor came into the room apologizing, saying, “You literally fell through the cracks. Your paperwork fell off the desk and into the recycling bin. We didn’t even know you were here!” I shared that I had used the opportunity to take some quiet time. 

I can see how slowing down supports my abstinence, and I want to continue to ask God for the willingness to take suggestions. I don’t want to “fall through the cracks” of FA because one day at a time, it helps me to maintain my abstinence and recover from this deadly disease. Although I was pleased to have the cast removed, abstinence in FA is really the freedom I seek.