FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction
Let Go and Let God
December 2023 $2.50
December 2023
Columns Qualification: Slower is Better. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 First 90 Days: An Unexpected Miracle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 No Matter What: Calling for Help. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Lighten Up: Total Recall. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17
Features Uncharted Waters. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 New Beginnings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 Life Off the Couch. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Connecting to Hope. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12
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Credits Cover Art: Victoria D., VT Graphic Design: Tickled Plum
Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org
Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2023 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572
Qualification
Slower is Better
“T
he Tortoise meanwhile kept my life moved quickly enough. When drivgoing slowly but steadily, and, ing, I often thought, What’s taking you so after a time, passed the place long? Why aren’t you in the slow lane? No where the Hare was sleeping.” event in my life ever happened fast enough. Aesop’s fable, “The Tortoise and the When I got extra money, there was an imHare,” was read to me at school in second mediate trip to the corner store for sugar grade. I remember being baffled by the items. No hesitation, no waiting. After trick moral printed at the or treating on Halend of the story, “The loween, there was an Slowed down, I can hear. race is not always to immediate inventory the swift.” In my taken to separate the Slowed down, I can discern. world, the swift al“good” treats from ways won. The idea the “bad.” The good Life feels serene and of moving slowly and items were consteadily through life sumed and gone manageable. My eating made no sense and within a day or two. and food are put seemed impossible The bad would sit in to put into practice. the cupboard for in their rightful place. This was evident in months and go stale, my behaviors in life until I was desperate and with food. enough to lower my standards and eat In my food addiction, I could never get them because, well, it was sugar. the flour, sugar, and quantities into my What did this behavior look like in the mouth quickly enough. When the food parts of my life unrelated to food? I worked was gone, I had no feeling of fullness; my myself to exhaustion, in fits and spurts, instomach was a bottomless pit. I did not suf- terspersed with bouts of illness that had me fer from indigestion, vomiting, or the like. in bed for days. I was prone to car crashes, The food was never enough and no one in inexplicable bumps and bruises, broken connection
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bones, sprains, strains, torn clothing, and frequently damaged household items. The speed at which I moved through life prior to recovery was head-spinning. Nearly four years ago, when I found FA and made the decision to fully commit to it, my sponsor repeatedly said, “Slow down!” She suggested I rest and take extra quiet time. All I could think was, Yeah, yeah. Easy for you to say. I don’t have time for any of that. Four years later, post-pandemic, I find there is plenty of time. I had just perceived it erroneously. I learned that, by working at letting go, my life is more serene and flows more gently when my pace is slow. I have space to consider appropriate, sane responses rather than hasty knee-jerk reactions. The tools of a dedicated 30 minutes every day in prayer and meditation (quiet time), writing, reading, and calling and talking to my sponsor and trusted friends (those pesky outreach calls) help me practice this new pace. I notice more, which is a result of slowing down. And this slower pace makes all the difference in my behaviors around eating and food. I do not multitask when weighing and measuring my food, which minimizes mistakes. I sit down at a table with my beautiful meal and thank God before taking the first bite and ask that I remain abstinent. I notice the taste of the food and put my fork down 2
between bites. After I am done, I say another prayer of thanks to God and take a moment to breathe and notice how my body feels. Miraculously, it feels full and satisfied! Then I clean up. While cooking, I set a timer so I don’t ruin the food. When writing my food plan every night, I take time to look in the refrigerator to see what is there. I check portion sizes to ensure I have enough. I check the freshness to make sure the food is edible when I measure the next day. Sometimes my higher power tells me to weigh and measure portions now for tomorrow’s meal, and I do. Sometimes my higher power tells me to cook now instead of tomorrow, and I do. You see, slowed down, I can hear. Slowed down, I can discern. Slowed down, I am more connected with God, myself, and others. Life feels serene and manageable. My eating and food are put in their rightful place, as are other aspects of my life. In Aesop’s fable, the hare decides to take a nap. His arrogance and frantic pace pushed him to exhaustion. In this context, sleep represents disconnection and unawareness. The tortoise, however, was aware and fully present during the entire race. In the end, the tortoise’s slow but steady pace was sustainable and brought victory, which is exactly what gives me a daily reprieve from food addiction. Thank you, God. Tina M., Arizona, US December 2023
First 90 Days
An Unexpected Miracle
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s a new member of Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, my experiences were unexpected and quite miraculous. Before joining FA, I received bad news from my doctor. He said, “Your A1C is dangerously high, and your liver is not functioning well. You have a fatty liver. I need to schedule you to see a liver specialist.” After a series of tests, the doctor wanted to know how much alcohol I drank, because my liver was scarred as if I were a heavy drinker. I was dumbfounded by the news. I’m not a drinker. The strongest drink I indulge in is a cup of strong black coffee in the morning. I informed my family, scheduled a biopsy, and went from there. I was scared. The end is near, I thought, defeated. I got on my knees and prayed for a miracle. In January, my prayers were answered when a member of FA walked into my workplace. She was radiant, slim, and cheerful. “What had become of her,” I asked myself. I remembered how heavy she had been. She told me about FA and asked if I would come to a meeting to learn about the program. I went to the meeting and thought, No, this is not for me. However, out of desperation, I realized I had nothing to lose. I attended a secconnection
ond meeting. The stories shared were so powerful, so encouraging, and so full of hope. The FA members talked about God and the power of God in their lives. What a great testimony. They talked about the FA program being second to none. The transformation of their physical bodies spoke volumes. Their mental and spiritual state of maturity was undeniable. They were grateful and thanked their Higher Power for their recovery. The room was filled with the presence of God at every meeting I attended. At the second meeting, I decided I wanted what they had. I was determined to find a sponsor who would help me navigate this new journey. I prayed, asking God to send me the perfect sponsor. My sponsor is kind and has a God of her understanding. She is thoughtful and caring, and always directs me toward God. When I faced situations in which I was unsure, my sponsor would remind me that it was a decision between my Higher Power and me. She taught me how to be humble and listen to God. My quiet time is where I feel God’s presence most. I pray and my faith in God is strengthened each day by experiencing that power in my life. However, the FA program is not only 3
Twelve Traditions praying to God and expecting things to happen. I know I must have an open mind and willingness to work the tools according to FA’s guidelines. At first, I struggled with the telephone calls. I thought to myself, Who am I to interrupt a person’s day? So, when I made a call, I was nervous and uncomfortable about it, and when no one answered, I was relieved. Three phone calls at last; done for the day. I told my sponsor how uncomfortable and intimidated I was making outreach calls, and she told me to pray before I made the call. As a result of my willingness to take my sponsor’s advice, I developed a habit of praying before every phone call. “Dear God, please help me. What do you want me to say? How can I help the person I’m connecting with when I feel that I have nothing to share?” The calls are getting easier. I’ve gotten to know some fellows better and am beginning to build relationships with them. I’m excited to share the difference the first 90 days have made in my life. My A1C has dropped significantly, from 9.4 to 7.2 to 5.9. Also, I dropped 14 pounds. My body and joints have benefitted from the weight loss as well. I no longer walk with pain and squeaky bones in my knees and ankles. I live in a condominium on the third floor and appreciate the lesser weight I have to carry. I thank God for FA, and for living in recovery one day at a time. Today is a good day to be me. Ha T., Massachusetts, US 4
1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity. 2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. 3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively. 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole. 5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers. 6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. 7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. 8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers. 9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. 10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films. 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous December 2023
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Uncharted Waters
n 2020 during the pandemic, I was sponded to my overreaction and on it writing a Fourth Step while sheltering went. After about five minutes, he was the in place. At the time, people said, “Oh, one who stopped and said, “Why are we wow, you’re doing that on top of every- fighting about this?” What I wanted to thing else?” I saw it as being intertwined shout was, “You started it!” But perhaps bewith everything happening in the world. I cause I am abstinent and have been workfound that sheltering this program for ing in place was a more than 18 years, For me, this program time for introspecor maybe because I tion, so writing a provided a reliable navigation was doing my best to “searching and fearbe fearless and thorless moral invenough, what I did insystem to get me safely tory” seemed very stead was step back through uncharted waters. and examine what the fitting. The need for social distancing, intensity of my reacbeing inside rather than out and about, not tion was all about. His comment felt like a even getting together with family or my criticism; I don’t like being criticized under regular FA fellows, provided an opportu- normal circumstances, and at that time cirnity to go inside emotionally and spiritu- cumstances were anything but normal. I ally. As an introvert, I tend to do that owned my part, fessed up, and we carried anyway, yet I usually find plenty of distrac- on. tions, as going inside is not always comfortAnother of my (least) favorite character able, especially in the middle of a defects is jealousy. It started back in childworldwide pandemic. So I got to see char- hood in my relationship with my older sisacter defects that had been dormant for ter. She and I are very close and jealousy of some time. her has been a non-issue for some time. We I found myself a bit more irritable than now live about 12 minutes apart, which is usual, with little things setting me off. One a real treat, as we have not lived in close night my husband said something that an- proximity since we were kids living in the noyed me, and I overreacted. He then re- same house. With the restrictions, we were connection
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communicating via video conferencing, group emails, and text messages with extended family—cousins and the like. My sponsor often says, “When the conditions are right, mushrooms will grow.” Well, sheltering in place provided the perfect conditions for jealousy to show itself again. I perceived my sister’s emails were longer, funnier, and more meaningful than mine; her text responses came more quickly and, of course, on video calls, her hair looked so much better than mine. Once again, thanks to abstinence and the scrutiny my character defects were getting, 6
I immediately recognized jealousy. I even interacted with it for a time, until I decided I did not want to hang out there for even five more seconds; I talked about it, did some writing, and moved on. The Twelve Steps and our tools of recovery provide me with a structure and a rhythm to my life. I was doing a great deal of writing—daily journaling in addition to my Fourth Step. I attended phone and video gatherings hosted in my local area, as well as those based in other parts of the country. I made sure I had the food I needed and was satisfied even when my faDecember 2023
vorite brands or the exact things I was used to were not available. Quiet time was more of a gift than it had ever been. There was so much to be grateful for. I discovered opportunities to be of service, in and outside of FA, being in contact with those who did not have the resources I had, getting out of myself, and feeling a connection to everyone on the planet, as we were all in it together. The first sentence of the tool of service reminds me that the best service I have to offer is staying abstinent. Pity my poor husband, with whom I was quarantined, had I not been connection
SUSAN F., OR
abstinent! When members of AA were sent off to war, many worried about their ability to stay sober. Looking at the record, it turned out that AAs overseas often fared as well or better than those at home. During the pandemic, we were all “overseas” facing unknown circumstances. For me, this program provided a reliable navigation system to get me safely through uncharted waters. I have a rhythm to my life, guard rails and signposts along the way, and a Higher Power to hold me up through it all. Glenny D., Florida, US 7
New Beginnings
I
always loved that my birthday is in January. Being a huge fan of new beginnings, my birthday was always the perfect time to resolve to lose weight and restart a diet. I say “restart” because, by the first week of January, I had already violated whatever new eating guidelines I had established for the new year. I abandoned resolutions to exercise shortly thereafter. So many times, I fantasized about being able to start my life again, a rebirth of sorts, with no diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or other health issues caused by my addictive eating. In January 2021, I noticed a friend of mine was losing weight. When I asked her the secret to success, she told me about FA. At 197 pounds and five feet, four inches tall, I was desperate to try something new. I needed a new way of being and new eating habits that were satisfying. I needed new incentives and redirection from my previous experiences. 8
Thanks to God and the FA program, when my birthday came around in 2022, I had lost 46 pounds. For the first time in my life, I did not need a new resolution to lose weight. I just needed to continue doing what I was doing. Since my birthday fell in the middle of the work week, I had not planned any type of special celebration. Unbeknownst to me, however, there would be a celebration, and it turned out to be one of the best I’ve ever had. I awakened to my husband sweetly whispering, “Happy birthday” as I lay in his arms. I smiled and marveled at the transformation studying the Twelve DEB H., MA Steps had brought to my marriage. When I started focusing on my character defects, I stopped focusing on those I perceived in my husband. I learned to stop fearing how his actions might harm me and started accepting those things I could not change. As I began to understand more fully who I was, I appreciated more fully who he was. Thank you, God, for a loving and forgivDecember 2023
ing husband. Before FA, my first look in the mirror always took my emotions down a notch. I would say to myself, “I’m over 60 years old and haven’t learned enough discipline to stop eating myself to death.” I looked like I had swallowed a beach ball! The rolls of fat in my back repulsed me. My shoulders had become so rounded I could no longer keep the shoulder strap from my purse in place. What was wrong with me? But today, on the morning of my first birthday in FA, I looked in the mirror and smiled. A woman with a slight hourglass shape smiled back. I admired her collar bone, prominently visible between two angled shoulders that could easily hold purse shoulder straps without slipping. Her back was smooth with only one remaining crease. Thank you, God, for restoring me mentally and physically. I dressed and headed to the kitchen where I ate my abstinent breakfast and packed my abstinent lunch for work. My weighed and measured dinner was already prepared when I returned home. I felt a sense of peace and order knowing exactly what I would eat the entire day. I had never planned meals before FA. Back then, breakfast consisted of whatever sugar and flour product I decided to grab and eat in my car. Lunch and dinner would be more of the same plus something fried. It was not unusual for there to be bags in my car for all three meals and snacks. Thank you, God, connection
for the calm that comes with meal planning and prepping. After lunch, I decided to take a walk around the university campus where I worked. I had gained so much weight in recent years that I seldom attempted extra activity. Just doing housework typically left me walking like a crippled person. But today, I enjoyed a brisk walk without my ankles hurting or my thighs rubbing together. My eyes welled up with tears of gratitude as I realized what a miracle it was not to be out of breath. I took in my surroundings with new interest, stopping to read about the statues on the grounds and enjoying the sunshine on my face. Thank you, God, for easing my pain and allowing me to see the beauty around me. I drove home reflecting on my day. It had been a simple one. The casual observer would not have detected its profundity. In my faith, to be reborn means to inherit a new way of life. God gives us a fresh heart, fresh eyes, and a fresh start. This birthday was not just a birthday, it was a rebirth day. I no longer fear eating uncontrollably because I have tools to help me to stay abstinent. Today, neither resentment about the past nor worry about the future clutters my thinking. I spend more time thinking how I can serve others instead of comparing myself to them. In FA, I have experienced a new level of faith to carry me along my journey, one day at a time, and that is the best gift of all. Sharon G., Texas, US 9
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Life Off the Couch
raduation from college was a wonderful rite of passage, but I went from walking across the stage to sitting on the couch. Throughout most of my adult life, the couch was my favorite place. Always on the end where I could lean to the left or prop myself up on the armrest. From that position all things were possible. I could watch roundthe-clock cooking and cop shows, and I could eat what I wanted, which was everything. For years I woke up, got to work two to three hours late, spent a lot of time doing very little, left work, stopped at drivethroughs and convenience stores to purchase $25 of binge food, and headed home to my beloved couch. I spent the evening doing my two favorite things: eating and escaping into TV shows about cooking and crime. I went to bed late and slept well into my workday. Then it would all start again. The couch knew me well. It collected my tears, absorbed my fears, and held my hopelessness for decades. The couch allowed me to grow larger and larger with each passing year. At my top weight of 340 pounds, I spent more time on my couch than at work. The longer I stayed on that couch, the more hopeless I became; I hated myself, my life, most people, and I had no solution. 10
I spent years seeking solutions from books, professionals, relationships, and advice-givers, but mostly from food. My body was so huge I began growing out of my skin and felt the pain and itch of newly created stretch marks. I had no energy and no desire to walk, exercise, or leave my home. I experienced depression, pain, and spiritual darkness. I had no hope and no desire to keep living. I feared what I would do to myself if I couldn't stop the misery of addictive eating. One day, without me saying a word, a friend told me there were twelve-step programs for food. That led me to the doors of FA. At the end of my first meeting, a lady stood at the front of the room and read a list of what the program promised I would receive if I worked it. One line stood out, “We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.” Freedom and happiness were words that hadn't applied to my life since childhood. After years of trying to follow the perfect diet, my hopelessness grew unbearable, and I finally decided to work the program. My sponsor called it willingness. Each day, I learned to be honest about what I put in my mouth and how miserable and unmanageable my life had become. I prayed to be open to trying this new solution with no reservations, and each day I prayed to be willDecember 2023
ing to take my sponsor’s suggestions and release my fingers from clinging to the way I had lived for decades. The first day I worked the program as directed. The next morning when I woke up abstinent was invigorating. I had a long road ahead, but people told me to focus on the present day. I came home from work, ate dinner at the table, and packed my lunch for the next day. I spent less time watching cooking shows and more time calling fellows to talk about recovery. I was out of the house three times a week to go to my FA meetings. I made myself useful by volunteering to read at meetings. Reading those portions and hearing them helped me understand the program and feel a part of it. After my meetings, I found myself going to bed rather than sitting on the couch for hours. Because I was sleeping at night, I arrived at work on time and actually did my job. After a while, I joined with others to eat our packed dinners together before the meeting. We held homebound meetings for fellows recovering from surgery and packed meals for fellows after having a baby. I learned I had an important mission to stay abstinent and pass the program on to someone else. Each month, I lost more weight. My energy increased and I often smiled. I soon found I was laughing with friends and newcomers during the breaks and after the meetings. I looked forward to getting support from my sponsor and fellows. connection
Suddenly, my life had meaning and I had a purpose. I practiced self-care and cleaned my home, which gave me self-esteem. I ended inappropriate relationships with boyfriends. Today, I use my couch to relax with my husband or visit with guests. My dining room table is no longer the holding place for piles of unopened mail; it’s my place to eat nutritious abstinent meals. Life off the couch is a very different life. In recovery, I taught myself to play the piano and compose songs. I wrote more than 100 songs just for fun, and two years ago, I wrote my first musical and am already working on my second. Much to my delight, the local theater requested to produce my award-winning play next year and invited me to direct it. Recovery has given me a committed marriage to a dear friend, loving family relationships, creativity, passion, and peace. I go for walks to enjoy the trees, look up at the sky, and move my body. I continue to do service for FA and my community. And most surprisingly, I reconnected with God and realized I had been turning to food for things only God could provide. This program showed me that food will never solve my problem. I need a spiritual solution. Today, I have a life beyond my wildest dreams. As I work this program day by day, it promises that I never have to go back to the food. Who knew there could be life without the food and off the couch! Anonymous 11
Connecting to Hope
I
was sitting in the waiting room of a find a solution to my ongoing problem of clinic when an acquaintance entered. losing and regaining the same 30 pounds. She had lost 85 pounds and I didn’t im- So, I asked this woman what she had found mediately recognize her. Then I was con- that seemed to have worked so well. “It’s cerned, thinking perhaps the death of her called Food Addicts in Recovery Anonyhusband had caused her unbearable grief. I mous, FA,” she told me. “It’s free. Just look inquired, and she reassured me she felt fine, it up online and you’ll see.” better than ever. She My friend inspired was calm, smiling, me to research what Feeling isolated from everyone, and very warm toFA was all about. It wards me, taking a struck me that what I found comfort in food. seat beside me to was offered was exchat, not just giving a actly what I needed In reality, I wasn’t polite wave from and had been lookafar. ing for all my life. FA experiencing hunger; I had just gained is free, with a support back about 6 of the a sponsor I was experiencing cravings. tonetwork, 26 pounds I had lost guide you, a spirifollowing a commertual component, and cial diet and another food plan a nutrition- straightforward rules to follow. I was conist had given me. It may seem like very little, vinced I could do it and that this program but I knew I was on a slippery slope. I was would be a game-changer for my overall discouraged, ashamed of the money I was well-being. wasting, and overwhelmed by my feelings I went to the FA website and after reading of failure. some sections, realized that the best way to I stopped going to the nutritionist and start the journey was to find a sponsor. I gave up completely on following her rec- clicked on a link with a list of people who ommended food plan. I knew that if I con- could help me find a sponsor. I scrolled tinued this way, I’d gain back all the weight down, found someone who lived in a city I had lost and then some. I was desperate to not too far away, and called. He agreed to 12
December 2023
get me started. I bought the Alcoholics Anonymous and Twenty-Four Hours a Day books he recommended. I wrote down the food plan. It was a shock at first to realize the plan he suggested had no sugar, no flour, no caffeine, and no snacks. I thought, This is going to be so hard to do! But somehow, I didn’t dwell on my apprehensions, and I said, “Okay, tell me what to do.” The sponsor gave me directions about preparing the meals I would weigh, measure, and eat, as well as the directive to set my alarm for 6:30 a.m. sharp to give him a call each morning. I started well and my sponsor then directed me to a woman who became my permanent sponsor. She helped me navigate the program and understand all its aspects. She imparts wisdom based on her experience and gives me tasks to do so I can discover and remedy the obstacles to my recovery. She wants nothing in return, save my honest willingness to recover from food addiction. She is patient and compasconnection
sionate. When she feels I need to take other measures like seeing a health professional to deal with certain issues, she is forthright and tells me so. Day by day, she listens to me attentively and takes me further along in my physical, mental, and spiritual journey of self-discovery with a gentleness and calm confidence that encourages me to meet and face with equanimity the inevitable ups and downs of daily life. Within six months of starting FA, I have been able to do what I thought was improbable, if not impossible. I have not merely maintained my previXANDRA G., CA ous weight loss; I went down even lower to 110 pounds. I never thought that would be possible. Above all, I started improving my behavior and thinking, so that the underlying causes that led to my weight problem are being resolved. Before FA, I was depressed. My self-confidence and self-esteem were at an all-time low. Relationships with family members 13
were so tenuous that I felt like there was a hole in my heart that could never be filled. I felt like I was on a train, rushing downhill with each action, while trying to put the brakes on to avoid a crash. Instead, I was pushing on the accelerator and crashing down even faster. All my efforts to get others to understand me and show me respect and appreciation were turned against me and I couldn’t understand why. What was I doing wrong? Feeling isolated from everyone, I found comfort in food. I overate and couldn’t stop at reasonable amounts of sugar and flour products. My portion sizes were too big. I always felt like I was starving and needed to eat right away, even if I had just eaten two hours earlier. In reality, I wasn’t experiencing hunger; I was experiencing cravings. The cravings were triggered by the flour and sugar I had eaten and the desire to eat was coming from the despondency I felt from feeling emotionally drained and depleted of hope and purpose. By studying FA literature, participating in FA meetings, engaging in the Twelve-Step program, calling and learning from my sponsor and my fellows, and doing—to the best of my ability—the other tools the program offers, I turned many of my approaches to life completely around. Instead of striving to be understood, I now strive to understand others. Instead of being irritable, feeling alienated from how 14
other people interact with me, and critical of decisions they make, I try to be grateful for all the good I have in my life. I look for changes I can make in myself, and I try to help others and expect nothing in return, except to be of service as a way to get closer to what my Higher Power has set as my mission in life. I am done trying to develop a healthy relationship with food, a never-ending battle. Now I am focused on developing a healthy relationship with my Higher Power, with other people, and with myself. I eat simple, regular, nutritious, wholesome meals so I can be healthy and happy, and as such, engage in purposeful and meaningful activities. In quiet time I ask my Higher Power for help, courage, patience, continued abstinence, mercy, grace, and compassion. And then I say a prayer of thanks for all the blessings showered upon me daily. I go to bed with the words, “Thank you G-d for giving me more than enough. I have enough. I am enough. My happiness comes from knowing I am a beloved child of G-d, and I look forward to tomorrow with the knowledge that I am not alone.” Just like the title of this magazine, I feel connected to my essence, my fellows, and my Higher Power. That feeling of connection has become my lifeline, the source of my faith, my hope, and my feelings of peace. Sarah Z, Canada December 2023
No Matter What
Calling for Help
I
was exhausted mentally and physically. It had been a very difficult few days watching my husband experience intermittent violent tremors in his lower body and sometimes in other parts of his body due to disease. I made a call to his doctor to express my concern but didn’t hear back that day. Thanks to FA recover y teaching me to ask for help and not give up, I called again the next day. I was honest about how frustrated and scared I felt, but I needed to be an advocate for my husband. I didn’t speak angrily nor did I downplay how extremely troublesome my husband’s health situation was for me. The doctor gave me suggestions for medication adjustments, including asking my connection
husband’s psychiatrist to lower the dose of one of his medications that could be exacerbating his symptoms. The psychiatrist recommended gradually reducing my husband’s medication from 80 mg to 60 mg the first week and then to 40 mg the second week. He explained that the literature warns of possible withdrawal symptoms if changes are made too q u i c k l y. My husband did not want to follow this advice and adamantly insisted on going diCA N D., SUSA rectly to the 40 mg dose. That was the moment I wanted to scream out of exhaustion, outrage, and fear. I felt so powerless over my husband’s predicament. I knew I needed to rest my body and mind (take a pause). I work from home, so I went into my 15
peaceful office/guest room, where I usually tails of my dilemma. take my quiet time every morning. I lay on Despite recommendations from medical the bed, exhausted. I just wanted to sleep a professionals, it turned out that my husbit, and if I’m being honest, I wanted to es- band responded well to the immediate cape from the intense emotions that were dosage reductions. Though I was not happy welling up inside of with his choice, I me. once again learned I I once again learned After two or three can’t control other minutes, my cell I can’t control other people. people. phone rang. I did not My major takeaway want to take the call, is that when I do but I have learned that God talks to me something I do not want to do, such as pick through people. As my sponsor later put it, up the phone, I am helped immensely. this was when God heard my silent prayer. Since then, I no longer hesitate to make I answered the call. The FA member lis- outreach calls when I’m upset, and I am altened and lovingly validated me by simply ways better after picking up the phone. It’s saying, “That sounds frustrating.” I can’t de- not easy to be vulnerable; it can be quite scribe how much relief I felt at that mo- painful, in fact, but it far outweighs eating ment. This fellow over these emotions patiently listened as I FA works beautifully when and feeling so terridescribed the entire bly alone in my sufsituation. I felt comfering. I’m willing to make pletely validated, and I sometimes share a that got me through or answer a call, especially laugh or two with my the night. The next fellows, no matter when I don’t want to! morning on another how grave the situacall, a fellow calmed tion may be. God my fears. She shared her experience of deal- truly works through people. FA works ing with a similar situation that did not re- beautifully when I’m willing to make or ansult in dire consequences. Without the swer a call, especially when I don’t want to! tools of FA, I would have remained isolated I never have to eat addictively, no matter and vulnerable to eating. I did not trust that what! anyone would be willing to listen to the deCarol C., New Hampshire, US 16
December 2023
Lighten Up!
ROBIN M., NY
L
Total Recall
ate last year, I purchased a small package of flour to bake something for my husband. I used it once and, after that, it sat in my pantry for months. Two weeks ago, something unexpected happened. I received an automated call from the store alerting me to the fact that the flour I’d bought months ago had been recalled. The robotic voice said it was contaminated and not safe to eat. I promptly flushed it down the sink. How ironic to be told that flour was “not safe to eat.” No kidding! I’m so grateful to be a food addict in recovery. I’m also grateful that I don’t need a robocall to tell me flour is poison, and I shouldn’t eat it. Finally, I’m grateful that my husband survived the baking without incident. Nice work, Higher Power! Marnie K., Iowa, US connection
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.