Not One Bite
Icame into FA in the middle of my !rst semester of college. My best friend was about to leave for two years, and I would not be able to contact him. I had been living in Japan for a year and a half as a missionary for my church and had just returned to my home in America ! ve months before. Coming home was hard. I missed my friends from Japan and felt very alone. I felt like I had failed as a missionary.
Once I got home, I indulged in all the American foods I had been deprived of for those 18 months. en there was all the Japanese candy ! lling half my suitcase. Anytime I could get my hands on Japanese food I had to eat it. I was bingeing
KATHERINE S., GA
on huge quantities of food, eating continuously throughout the day. Consequently, I ballooned from 144 to 175 pounds in about three months. I was overweight, depressed, and lonely. I had taken a gym class hoping it would ! x my weight problem, but instead I gained three pounds between starting the class and joining FA. My mom and other family members have been in FA for several years. I knew what they did worked, as I watched them all lose hundreds of pounds. Nonetheless, I came into the rooms of FA kicking and screaming. Admitting I had a problem with food made me so angry because I knew I would not be able to eat what I
wanted to cope with the fact that my best friend was about to leave for two years, nor would I be able to indulge on my birthday. By the grace of God, I did not eat. I was able to show up for my best friend and instead of eating before he le , we got to sit and talk and just be together. On my birthday, family came over and I taught them how to make origami cranes instead of eating cake and ice cream. e next week was Halloween, my ultimate binge day. Instead of stealing my siblings’ candy and eating until I felt sick, I went to a meeting. e next morning was my ! rst weigh in, and I had lost almost 11 pounds in less than a month. Normally, I would have gained that from one night of overeating Halloween treats. I could not believe I had made it through Halloween without eating one piece of candy. It was a miracle.
New Year’s with my weighed and measured meals by my side.
By the grace of God and with the help of my fellows and my sponsor, I did not eat one bite of food that was not mine.
e biggest test came about three weeks a er I reached 90 days of abstinence, when that boy and I broke up. I felt like someone had ripped out my heart, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it. I had never felt so much pain. I cried every day for weeks. Until that happened, I had been blessed with the gi of neutrality around food and no cravings. But at that di cult time, I wanted to eat anything and everything and just numb out. By the grace of God and with the help of my fellows and my sponsor, I did not eat one bite of food that was not mine.
Two weeks later, the boy I had been dating and was positive I was going to marry came home from serving a two-year church service mission. I was so worried about what he would think of me weighing and measuring my food or what his family would say. He was supportive, and I made it through anksgiving, Christmas, and
Now, as I write this two years later, I have a wonderful husband who I never would have gotten the blessing of marrying if it were not for this program. I will graduate from college this year. I cannot believe that, one day at a time, God helped me through a wedding, ! ve semesters worth of ! nals, and everything else in between without eating. Today, I can honestly say that I am a grateful food addict in recovery.
Chantel S., Utah, US
Finally, the Truth
“Don’t you just love this program?” It was a stranger speaking to me at the meeting break. I smiled politely, but in my head I was screaming, No! What was there to love? I couldn’t eat what I wanted, I had to get up at the crack of dawn to talk to a sponsor I barely knew who had the nerve to tell me to drive a long way to attend a committed meeting. No, I didn’t love this program. If you want to know the truth, I found it supremely inconvenient. I came to FA through a coworker who was in the program. She told me about a new meeting that opened in my town. It was a Twelve Step, spiritual program. ey ate no our or sugar, nor did they drink any alcohol. !at may be great for her, I thought, but it’s denitely not for me. I stayed away.
My mother died six months later, and something changed in me. I stepped through the doors of FA. I knew I was on the same path as my mother, who was probably a nonrecovering food addict, and I was afraid of dying. I got a sponsor and began the program.
I was going to meet my sponsor face to face for the !rst time at one of my !rst FA meetings. She insisted I share a meeting with her,
so there I was, sitting in the front row, hand raised to read, exactly (though reluctantly) as instructed.
at was 16 years ago. At that time, I had been under the delusion that my life was perfect. I was in a long-term marriage, we owned a beautiful home with a pool in the backyard, had nice cars, and good jobs. But honestly, my life was not perfect. I was 100 pounds overweight and on several medications for diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Living with an abusive husband, my marriage was anything but happy. And we were up to our ears in debt. In complete denial, I had no idea how to ask for help.
ere were many social functions I had to forgo because they con icted with my committed meetings. I was encouraged to avoid eating in restaurants during those early days. Taking my own food to social functions was excruciating, so, no, I didn’t like all of my sponsor’s suggestions. But I took them.
I remember being tearfully on the phone complaining to my sponsor how hard this program was. Her simple reply was, “I know.” en she suggested I give it 90 days and see how my life could change.
“Little by slow,” as my sponsor would say, I
learned to weigh and measure not only my food but my life as well. It seemed like I was constantly in the grocery store or washing plastic containers. I had to learn how to shop, cook, and put my recovery !rst. Before long, I joined a weekly AWOL Twelve Step study group. Little did I know how dramatically my life would change for the better. I came to realize a new fact in my life: I desperately needed this program.
I was still plagued by feelings of fear and insecurity. About a year and a half into the program, I had a break in my abstinence. is meant I had to leave the AWOL since one of the commitments was to maintain my abstinence. Weeks later, I attended my !rst FA convention. I felt so alone and ashamed about having to leave the AWOL group. I’ll never forget the feeling when a fellow from the group greeted me warmly and said she missed me. She put me at ease and showed me that I was not alone, that I truly was cared about.
wasn’t sure. Today, without a doubt, I know I am. And if I want to recover from my addiction, I need to work the program. What does that look like? For me, it means being rigorously honest with my sponsor. Doing every FA tool every day to remain free of addictive eating. And I have come to believe in a power greater than myself, a power I can rely on.
I remember early on when my sponsor asked me “Do you think you’re a food addict?” I replied “I think I am,” but I really
Do I love this program now? You bet I do! I’m o all my medications. I’ve lost the weight I needed to lose. I live a healthy lifestyle. My doctor even called me her poster child! Having been fat for half a century, I am so grateful for this new life in recovery. My relationships with my family have improved, too. I have the love and respect of my children. I can play with my grandchildren. I can ride in an airplane or rollercoaster without worrying if I’m going to !t in the seat. But that’s not all. I have true friendships today, not just eating or shopping buddies. I never would have believed I’d come to love FA the way I do. Now I know who I am. I’m a food addict in recovery. And this is where I need to be.
Melody E., California, US
MEREDITH M., ME
No Way to Live
When I got laid o from my job, it was like a nuclear bomb obliterating everything in my life. I did not know that it would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. For weeks a erwards, I desperately applied for jobs, interviewed like a madwoman, and ate—my perfect solution to run from reality. Food was my lover, my best friend, my Higher Power, my comforter in chief.
One day, about three months a er this cataclysmic event, I was lying on the couch binge watching movies and TV shows and chowing down on massive quantities of sugar, our, and salty foods. I looked at my ceiling in a daze, feeling hopeless, depressed, and full of misery and self-pity, and I thought, I can’t go on like this. I knew there was something wrong with the way I isolated, consumed inordinate amounts of food, and ran away from everything uncomfortable. !is is no way to live.
A friend had told me about Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. She encouraged me to attend a meeting. In desperation, I joined a videoconference meeting. e surly, angry, immature me rolled my eyes at all the people on the call and I thought, !ese people are crazy! But despite my addict’s best e orts to dissuade me, I got a sponsor that day. I bought a scale and began following the food
plan. I couldn’t believe there was a Higher Power, but I could believe in my food scale. I followed my food plan to the letter, listening and acting on my sponsor’s suggestions. ese were my best attempts at !nding a Higher Power.
It’s been over a year that I’ve been in FA and in my right size body for several months. I came into the program at 200 pounds. Now, I’m 125 pounds and a size 4. But far more important than the physical change is that I’m slowly having a personality and spiritual transformation.
I’m still looking for work, but it’s di erent now. I’m not desperate. I’m not living in a state of constant fear and worry. I’ve turned my life and my will over to the care of God. I trust in God to !nd me the right job.
I understand and accept that God allowed me to be laid o so I could get abstinent and heal my broken soul. By the grace of God, my fears have been released, and I have surrendered to my Higher Power’s guidance. What a relief to know that all I do each day is show up and do my next right actions. I do my one percent and God will take care of the rest. I know if I do my program each day with a grateful, humble, and honest heart, all will be well.
Kim A., California, US
Reality, Check!
Being a food addict means my eyes would light up when I saw our and sugar. I fantasized about quantities of it. e food channels excited me. My eyes widened and my heart rate increased because I wanted it so badly. Today, food doesn’t call me or even whisper my name. My eyes might still widen at something tantalizing, but now my answer is “It’s not my food.” I know that I can’t consume it without it consuming me. I’m no longer in the selfdestructive cycle of hunting, hoarding, and hiding food. I no longer secretly eat in bathroom stalls. I no longer live in shame for the way I eat. e disciplines of FA have taught me that my obsession with eating was never about food. It was about unmanaged emotions, poor coping skills, and my unwillingness to accept life as it is—unpredictable, o en tragic, unfair, and unkind.
In recovery I’ve learned to create a solid program of spirituality and actions that keep me on the right track when life gets challenging, as it invariably does. I recognize the need to keep my tools sharp so that I can construct the Twelve Steps that ultimately lead me to a Higher Power. As a result, I don’t resent my daily FA tools; they keep me well and equipped to do good work. Abstinence keeps the excess weight o my
body, year a er year. I don’t want to take that !rst bite because I know that will lead me to self-loathing and shame. rough my daily outreach calls, I build a strong network of people who understand the hopelessness of addiction. My sponsor holds me lovingly accountable. (She’s hard on the addiction but so with me.) I need her objectivity to combat distorted thinking. e tool of gratitude keeps my negative thinking at bay and restores peace in my life. Service keeps me focused on others and teaches me to do things I’m afraid of, to grow in my faith that my Higher Power is with me in the unknown and the unfamiliar. Literature, quiet time, and writing keep me centered on who I am (an addict) and what awaits me if I take that !rst bite (pure misery).
What keeps me well? Acceptance, God, discipline, and practice. I no longer allow resentment, fear, or shame to take root in my heart. I process my emotions with my Higher Power, my sponsor, and my fellows. I’m never alone. My character defects were just my maladaptive ways to protect myself from harm, yet ironically, I ended up harming myself and others with perfectionism, gossip, and feelings of inadequacy. My character defects no longer serve me; they are the walls between God and me, the walls be-
tween others and myself, and the walls between my addictive self and the self that I was created to be—whole, loving, accepting, peaceful, self-supporting, and useful. A life in recovery is by no means a boring life; it is a day-to-day practice of doing hard things. Life is going to be hard; it will be the hard of dealing with addiction or the hard of practicing recovery. I choose the hard of recovery because I never die when I look my fears in the face. Instead, I grow stronger. e fears dissipate like smoke in the sky and shadows in the light.
I’ve lost 35 pounds in FA, but 600 pounds of addictive thoughts and behaviors. Fear, shame, and resentment no longer rule me. At my top weight, I hovered around 201 pounds, but I had no idea that FA existed. I was miserable and without hope, trying to !nd solace and a solution in diets, starving, vomiting, pills, laxatives, and overexercising. Reaching the “ideal weight” was my solution, but I had no idea that the number on the bathroom scale would never heal me. I needed a body, mind, and spirit transformation. Diets were band
aids, but I needed open-heart surgery to excise my low self-esteem and self-hatred. I needed a heart transplant to become aware of my self-centeredness and need for control.
is week, I am a healthy, happy 132 pounds. My doctor emailed yesterday to tell me that my all my test results were in the normal range: A1C, cholesterol, blood pressure, kidney function, and thyroid. At 56 years old, this was the best news! FA is helping me to be well on multiple levels! My life is far from perfect, but it never had to be. I have put away distorted thinking in exchange for the security of ten tools and the Twelve Steps. Both lead me to a better life. I’m still a food addict by identi!cation and association, but not by action. My actions today are those of a healthy, emotionally mature adult who makes mistakes but isn’t de!ned or destroyed by them. When I have a bad day, I smile as I close my eyes to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. I have tools and Steps to guide my path. at gives me hope.
Sheryn N., California, US
MARLEE D., CA
Practicing Patience
I’ve never managed to try hot yoga, but I can talk about hot quiet time! Being a woman of a “certain age,” I started having hot ashes about a year ago. ey may have started earlier than that and were more subtle, but that’s no longer the case. Once I started talking about it on my FA calls, other women shared their experiences and o ered suggestions.
I found manageable solutions when attending meetings—wearing layers, stepping out of the room, and reminding myself that it would pass. 'uiet time, however, was another story. Within minutes of getting settled, the heat would hit and the process of trying to stay comfortable would begin. First, I’d move
my blanket slightly, then throw o the blanket in frustration. Next, I unzipped my eece and took it o , only to get a chill. Finally, I’d put everything back in place, settle again, and in what felt like only moments, it all started again.
At !rst, I was exasperated because I love and need my quiet time, but then I started getting angry. My quiet time was being ruined. I thought, !is isn’t fair! How am I ever going to get a good quiet time? How am I supposed to have conscious contact with God when I’m stripping everything o and putting it back on every few minutes?
I know that constantly moving around is not conducive to conscious contact with
God, but I !nally realized that my main problem was my attitude. When I say the Serenity Prayer, I’m asking for “courage to change the things I can.” I believe the only two things I can change are my attitude and my actions. Experience has shown that changing one of these will usually lead to a change in the other.
An FA fellow who has experienced trouble with sleep for many years shared that she thanks God for the rest she’s getting, even if it’s not sleep. She stopped calculating how much sleep she was or was not getting and trusted that it would be enough. She practiced acceptance, which took me back to A.A.’s Big Book:
“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I !nd some person, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can !nd no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment” (p. 417).
I won’t say I’ve fully embraced this stage of the aging process, but my quiet time has gotten signi!cantly better. I’m more aware of subtle signs that a hot ash is starting, so I take layers o earlier and, more importantly, without anger. I’m mostly able to ignore the interruption and the frequency of my “personal summers.” Lastly, I practice patience with my body, which is exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Our common welfare should come rst; personal recovery depends on FA unity. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.
Each group should be autonomous except in matters a ecting other groups or FA as a whole.
Each group has but one primary purpose –to carry its message to the food addict who still su ers.
An FA group ought never endorse, nance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and lms.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
Birthday Gi !
Ialways hated my birthday and wished the whole month of January would just disappear. I was full of self-pity and negative thinking. My birthday was a time when I reflected on my pitiful life. I looked at all the things I didn’t have and what I had not accomplished. I was miserable every January and would gain between 20-35 pounds. I could barely get out of bed, let alone function.
In my twenties, I quit several jobs during January. I was fired from one job and drove straight to the closest buffet restaurant. I spent my birthday month eating all the feelings away. I was out of control. It would start at the beginning of the month with all the half-priced post holiday flour and sugar items I could get my hands on. Then by the end of the month, the valentine treats would be on the shelves. Since I felt so alone in the world and knew that nobody would ever give me a valentine, I ate all I could. As I ate each heart-shaped box of sugar, I sank deeper and deeper into self-pity and negative thinking.
It was no different in my thirties and forties, except that I did manage to keep my job as a restaurant worker, the best place for a food addict to work! But each January brought the same shame, self-pity,
guilt, and misery. I had a college education and worked at a restaurant, still lived with my parents, and had no money. I was lucky if I could pay my bills each month.
My birthday was always an excuse to be in my disease. The amount of food I consumed during this time every year was mind-boggling. I spent some birthdays at the mall by myself, eating my way through the food court. When I first was in Program, I was even thinking on the day before my birthday about where I could get a birthday lunch to weigh out as my meal. I always thought, It’s my birthday and I deserve it!
I started graduate school, but my disease of food addiction got in the way. My mind was in such a fog that I had no idea what I was doing. Recently, I found several papers I wrote during that time, and I have no memory of the classes.
I put my family through hell on my birthday. They never knew how to approach it. Should they let it go by and not acknowledge it, or should they wish me well? Either way, they would be wrong, and I would let them know. If they bought me a flour and sugar item, I would accuse them of making me fat. If they gave me nothing, then I thought no one cared about me. I
was a drama queen, and I acted out to get attention. The fact was that I was hurting and wanted someone to show me they cared. But my self-pity, negative thinking, and overeating clouded my mind. I couldn’t believe people cared, because I hated myself so much.
I ate my way up to over 367 pounds. When I came into FA two years ago, I was 297, my lowest adult weight. For weeks before I joined Program, I binged and purged so I could start the program at under 300 pounds.
It has been a long road the last two years in FA to “reprogram” my thinking about my birthday. I turned 50 two months after I started, and I gave myself a birthday party. I had to be the martyr. I believed that I had to throw my own party because I didn’t think my family would.
My second birthday in FA was better, but I was still in some self-pity. I “let” my family have a small gathering. I told them to get cake but not to expect me to stand there while they sang and watched me blow out candles. But when they did get a dessert with my name on it, I was furious and left the house. I didn’t talk to anyone when I returned. I went straight to bed and never opened my birthday gifts. My mom was so hurt that she cried. The next day was no better, as I was full of shame for my actions. It had never occurred to me to talk to my sponsor about how to handle
my birthday.
This year I was 52, my third birthday in FA, I was happy that my birthday fell on a meeting night. It would be just another day—work, home, eat dinner, and off to a meeting. My sponsor suggested that I let people know it was my birthday, and I asked some of my fellows to meet me for dinner before the meeting. I also told people at work that it was my birthday. I was able to stand and let my co-workers bring a birthday treat and sing to me.
Thanks to FA, I am seeing the negative patterns in my life and am handling these feelings differently. This year I may have thought of buying a special meal on my birthday, but I didn’t do it. I may have thought of not having a birthday meal with my fellow FA members, but I did. My eyes are open, and I am seeing the truth about my life as a food addict. Thank you, God, for giving me the tools and support to have an abstinent birthday devoid of self-pity and negative thinking.
The day ended up great! I celebrated with fellows and thanked God for everything I have today. I didn’t spend the day looking over the past and focusing on what I don’t have. I feel like I am just beginning to live. I am grateful for this life I have today and this journey I am on to learn to live in recovery, one day at a time, one birthday at a time.
Laura D., Ohio, US
Another Meeting
My sponsee invited me to her house for dinner and to the Sunday night FA meeting. Inside I groaned, not about the food, but because of my lack of enthusiasm for going to yet another meeting. However, I agreed. I took a special vegetable to share and enjoyed not only a delicious weighed and measured abstinent meal, but also the pleasure of meeting and interacting with my sponsee’s family for the !rst time.
On the way to the meeting, we talked about the program tools. My sponsee mentioned that it is o en di cult to reach people on the phone during the day. A person came to mind who is typically available during the day— a person whose life is presently challenging. Seizing an opportunity for service, I called the person on my cell phone to encourage her and
to tell her that I suggested my sponsee call her. e conversation turned to a topic that I knew would bene!t my sponsee, so the phone was turned over to her for yet another telephone tool blessing.
LINDA G., IRL
At the meeting the speaker shared how, in the past, growing dishonesty—such as being satis ! ed with 4.1 on the scale instead of 4.0— led to a break. As she spoke, she held the heels of her hands together and slowly opened her hands to make a wider and wider angle to illustrate the increasing dishonesty. Being a person who tends to remember something I see rather than hear, I took that gem with me. I am grateful for yet another warning that this disease is out to kill—a warning that strengthens my determination to be meticulous.
Rachel S., Massachusetts, US
Tradition Two: For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
Why has my sponsor asked that I not quote other FA members by name when I share at an FA meeting? is may be perceived as making a member an authority !gure or “putting them on a pedestal.” We have no leaders. Alternatively, one could say, “I heard from another member….” or “Something I identify with that I’ve heard from others is…” is helps us to share a principle without elevating a personality.
I heard of a retreat that is being held by FA members. ey have an agenda with several great topics. ey have a person with long-term recovery sharing on each topic. My sponsor suggests I not attend and said it con icts with Tradition Two. How does it con ict?
Tradition Two tells us we have no leaders except our Higher Power. When one member formally shares on a topic, they can be perceived as the leader or expert on that topic. is is why eForums typically have at least three people sharing on a topic as a panel. is prevents any one individual from being held up as an expert.
I have a year of abstinence and disagree with a decision made at our business meeting. What can I do about it?
Tradition Two tells us that we make decisions by group conscience. All members with 90 days of continuous abstinence working with an FA sponsor who regularly attend that meeting have a voice and a vote at business meetings. It is important to attend business meetings and share but keep an open mind. Important topics at business meetings can be tabled until the next meeting to give members a chance to discuss topics with their sponsors and others with long-term abstinence. When decisions don’t turn out the way we want, we let go and trust our Higher Power with the outcome.
I called someone to tell them that we had a speci c person qualifying at our meeting who was one of the people who was there when FA started. I was told that this is against Tradition Two. Why?
Tradition Two reminds us that there are no leaders in FA. We are all food addicts and each abstinent member has experience, strength, and hope to share.
FA On the Road
My husband and I always dreamed about traveling across the country on our motorcycle. After I joined him in retirement this year, we began thinking about the possibility of living out that dream. It was an easy thing for him to imagine. He is not an addict. I, on the other hand, felt a little bit fearful.
Our past trips were rarely longer than two weeks because I always had to get back to work. This time we were talking about traveling for at least six weeks. How would I get my food, weigh and measure it, carry it on the motorcycle, make my phone calls, go to my committed meetings, and take my quiet time? Was this even a good idea for a food addict? These were all questions that went around in my head.
I've been in FA for 23 years. I would not have been able to consider doing anything like this earlier in my recovery because my connection with God was not what it is today. It has taken many “one days at a time” to put into daily practice what I need to ensure contented abstinence. In the early days of my recovery I needed to gain an understanding that my problem was
not just food. It was a living problem. After many conversations with my sponsor about our traveling plan, I came to a place where I thought of it as “living on the road.” I would be doing everything I do at home to take care of myself spiritually and physically. I would just be living somewhere new every day and enjoying the journey of getting there, one day at a time. First, I needed to get a cooler that would fit into the back of our motorcycle and not take up too much space. Then I made a plan for food shopping. It is critically important that I know what I am going to eat the day before so I can write it down and commit it to God and my sponsor. When I told my husband that I would need to go to the grocery store every day, he was not happy. He told me that he did not want to be foraging for food every day but just wanted to have fun. That was hard to hear from the man I have been married to for 29 years. I expected him to know that nothing is fun for me when I am wondering about what I am going to eat, where and when we will stop, and if I will be able to find the right food. Someone who is not a food addict doesn’t understand how
powerful the disease is and how it can suck the life out of a decent human being.
I asked God for help to have a lighthearted approach and told my husband not to worry. In this situation, my job was to reassure my husband that the trip would be fun and easy. Anytime this came up, I repeated “easy, peasy” which meant “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” I had to convince myself.
One day on the trip after we returned from the grocery store, I realized I did not have enough grain for dinner. At this point I was very tired and annoyed with myself. I briefly wished there was an easier solution. The only option for this food addict was to go back to the grocery store to get what I needed. Abstinence was my priority, and the grocery store was only 10 minutes away, so back we went. My husband did not think twice about taking me. He even told me that he was glad we were going to the grocery store and preparing our own food.
On these road trips we rarely make a hotel reservation ahead of time. You often don’t know where you will end up at the end of the day due to factors like weather, road conditions, and available lodging. Still, I’m the navigator, and I love watching the plan I put into our GPS map come to life. I had opportunities to practice letting go of the need to control every detail of our traveling plan. I did get fearful when we were in remote areas and there didn’t seem to be a hotel in sight. I’ve learned to discuss this with my husband so I am not carrying the burden of fear by myself. During one such conversation, he pointed out that we were passing a military base and that it would be fun to stop and look around. He is a veteran. When we arrived, we learned that there were two hotels on the base where we could stay. To me, this was evidence of God’s miracle-working power. I did not plan or orchestrate this. It just happened. And honestly, this was my favorite part of the six-week trip. We stayed
KARLA G., WA
there for two nights, one of them being Independence Day, and we saw fireworks from outside our hotel. This was one of several spiritual experiences during our trip.
I prayed every morning to be more cognizant of God’s presence in daily living, not just when I was in trouble and felt the urgent need for God. I was actively looking for God as I went about my day, and I saw God work things out several times. I experienced situations where I could see my blind spots and difficult areas of my personality, like trying to handle everything myself. The first time it happened I felt medically unwell while we were riding in heat that got up to the mid-90’s. Instead of letting my husband know I felt like I was going to pass out, I kept it to myself. I thought, I don’t want to scare him and I don’t want him to pull over on the side of the road because there was no shade. I told myself I just needed to breathe slowly and get to a safe location. Meanwhile, I tried to take deep breaths and do whatever was in my power
not to faint.
I am grateful for the experiences
I had on this trip, even the uncomfortable ones.
Overall, I had an amazing time, but only because I prayed daily for willingness to be abstinent no matter what.
The second time I became aware of things I could have done differently was when we were riding through an inner-city area south of Chicago. I felt very vulnerable and afraid. Again, I did not tell my husband how I was feeling. I asked myself, What can he do about it anyway? When discussing this with my sponsor the next day, she suggested that a phone call to FA fellows would have been the right action so I could have discussed what was happening with a neutral person. Perhaps I would have been restored to sanity more quickly.
I am grateful for the experiences I had on this trip, even the uncomfortable ones.
Overall, I had an amazing time, but only because I prayed daily for willingness to be abstinent no matter what. It was not difficult to transition back to my daily life at home because I didn’t do anything differently when I was on the road. I wanted to enjoy my trip abstinently and I did. Thank you, God.
Jane M., Maine, US
SUSAN M., NY
Out of the Game
Our family was attending a holiday event, and we were asked to bring dessert. I don’t bake, but I said we could buy something. A family member asked that I go to a specialty shop that wasn’t around before I came into FA. The family member began giving me specific instructions about how and what to order, but they could tell
Ar t, News, & Clues
We present to you, a full color March art view!
I was confused with some of the details and requests. Finally, in frustration, they said, “I better just go myself. You’ve been out of the game too long!” We both laughed and I admitted they were right. I really didn’t know what to get. Never in my wildest dreams, prior to FA, did I imagine a scenario like that.
Annie
K., Indiana, US
Convention 2025, both virtual and live!
An artsy game for you, let’s match images two by two !
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the di erence.