October 2024: Safe Haven. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)
A B eauti f ul Gi
Icame into FA almost eight years ago at age 34. When I was 19 weeks pregnant, I weighed over 170 pounds and I was 4 feet, 11 inches tall. At the time, I was following a popul ar prepared-food commercia l weig ht-loss program and exercising any chance I could.
My weight climbed ever y month, and by the end of my pregnanc y, I gained over 52 pounds. I hated myself for getting so fat, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not stop eating , mainl y our and sugar. e more I ate, the more I craved. I had to wear a brace because my back and hip were so bad. I had horrible ind igestion and hear tburn and would o en have my head over the toi let bowl attempting to alleviate the discomfort.
I was induced 10 days early because I was retaining uid and in a lot of pain. I was in denial about my weight and how I looked, and I did not want to admit or accept that I had a problem. I would o en tell myself lies, such as I still have a big stomach because I had a Cesarean, which takes longe r to lose or I’m breast feeding, so I’m hung rie r and need more food.
When I got pregnant a ga in, instead of being excited, I was devastated. I was scared
that my weight would go up again. I joined a g ym with a personal trainer and worked out intensely three times a week for an hour and a half, boot camp st yle.
I had complications and started bleeding in my rst trimester, but this did not stop my heav y exercise regime, even though my unborn chi ld’s l ife w a s at risk. Not e ven impend ing doom would come bet ween my exercise and me. I would get to the g y m, vomit, run more than six miles with weights, vomit while jogging, and come back bleeding. A er four weeks and stern w arnings from my obstetrician, I nally let go of the rigorous exercise. I felt defeated. Sure enoug h, I went back up to weig hing over 170 pounds.
I spent another ve years in denial. I tried many d i erent things and spent a lot of mone y tr y ing to control my weig ht and bod y ima ge obsession. I w anted to be skinny. I tried undereating, but I was so hungr y I couldn’t do it. I tried purg ing , but I could not ma ke myself vomit. I tried d iet pi l ls that gave me terrible d iarrhea. I tried hypnotherapy, g y ms, commercia l d iets from oversea s, self-help books, d ieticians, psychologists, and antidepressants to con-
trol my weight.
I found Overeaters Anonymous in 2006. A er another t wo years of str ug gl ing and su ering , I went to my rst FA meeting defeated and broken. is dead l y d isea senal l y had me It made me think that being fat was unacceptable, and it made me determined to do w hate ver I needed to pre vent myself from becoming fat. I hated myself and hated my life. I felt like a failure. I w a s angr y and depressed , and my l ife w a s becoming unmanageable and ver y small
I remember the rel ief I felt at that rst meeting w hen I heard that I had “ a d isea se of the mind , bod y, and spirit ” I heard the words “food addict” and it nally made sense. Where food is involved, I am completel y powerless I am an add ict around food , and I need help to l i ve l ife without my drug.
and my bod y ima ge. I am the weig ht I’m supposed to be and no longer weigh myself many times a day I don’t have constant food thoughts or ghts in my head over what to eat and w hat not to eat. I don’t tel l myself what a bad person I am I am also not exercising obsessively and no longer stay in bed under the covers feeling f ul l , fat, and depressed.
I na l l y found the solution to my food problem. Now, almost eight years later, I am over six years abstinent, and I have a third child I nally found neutralit y around food
I am happy tod ay and look for w ard to w a king up each morning. I have integrit y; w hat I say, I do. I show up to l ife and am of ser v ice. I used to feel angr y and resentf ul at having to do things for others, but today I do ser vice so that I c an help reach other su ering food add icts I do ser vice to get out of myself because I know that if I stay in my self-centeredness, it leads to self pit y, which breeds negative thinking , which takes me back to the food. I love that I have a commitment to my abstinence. I love that I get to do this program one day at a time. It is a beautif ul gi from my Higher Power.
Natalie S , Australia
ROSE G , CANADA
Tr ust the Pro cess
Wh en I ret u r n e d to FA , my
sponsor sug gested that I put dow n f lour, sugar, and quan-
t i t i e s a n d t r u s t t h e p ro ce s s . My f i r s t
thoug ht w a s, I cannot do t hi s. I have an upcoming vacat ion I e njo y eat ing out in rest au-
rant s w it h f r ie nd s and family. How w il l I d o
t hi s ? I had l i ed to myself for the l a st three
y e a r s a b o u t h o w b a d my e at i n g b e h av i o r
h a d g o t ten . I u s e d m a ny o t h er m et h o d s
t r y i n g to l o s e we i g h t d u r i n g t h at t i m e . I
j o i n e d o t h er Twe l v e Ste p p ro g r a m s f o r
food , read vari ous d i et books, l istened to
p o d c a s t s , a n d us e d a p ay- a n d - we i g h p rogram, a s wel l a s c a lori e-counting apps and
a n e w i n j e c t a b l e we i g h t l o s s m e d i c at i o n.
Even so, I onl y lost a tota l of f i ve p ound s
d u r i n g t h e t wo m o n t h s I u s e d t h e i n -
j e c t a b l e m e d i c at i o n . I w a s at my h i g h e s t weight. I suffered from joint pain, digestive
i s s u e s , a n d d e p re s s i o n . I co u l d n o t s to p binge eating no matter how badly I wanted to. The fo o d won. I re v isited FA b ec ause
i t h a d wo r k e d f o r m e i n t h e p a s t w h en I
w a s w i l l ing to work the program. FA w a s
my l a s t h o p e o f re co v er i n g f ro m w h at I now recognize a s food add i cti on.
I attended my f irst FA v i deo conference
meeting feel ing so desperate yet a shamed f o r g i v i n g u p t h i s p ro g r a m y e a r s a g o.
There were a fe w members I remembered f ro m w h en I w a s i n t h e p ro g r a m b e f o re , and the y remembered me. I felt welcome. I remember w riting dow n the tool s of the p ro g r a m t h at I d i d n ’ t t h i n k I co u l d d o, s u c h a s a b s t i n en ce d e f i n e d b y a sp o n s o r, and qui et time. Despite my reser vati ons, I c a me b ack for t wo more weeks a nd then w a s moved to a sk a former sponsor i f she would hel p me. I fel t my f irst g l immer of hope and slow l y the shame began to fade. FA had a place for me and offered a real soluti on for my food add i cti on i f I c ared to have it. I accepted the fact that I wa s a food add i ct, af ter much denia l.
Dur ing the f irst 30 d ays of committing to t h e FA p ro g r a m , I f o l l o we d a l l o f my sp onsor ’ s sug gesti ons, e ven the ones that were u n co m f o r t a b l e , s u c h a s t u r n i n g dow n inv itations to eat out. I broke my abstinence three d ays af ter star ting the program because one of my committed meals wen t b a d . In s te a d o f c a l l i n g my sp o n s o r a nd wor king out a nother pl a n, I deci ded to skip my d inner. At midnig ht, I w a s hung r y a nd ate some protein. I le a rned f rom
t h at e x p er i en ce t h at I d i d n o t h av e to make decisions about food alone anymore and I d i d not have to fear a sking food-rel ated questi ons.
My b i g s u m m er v a c at i o n to o k m e to Ca l i f o r n i a f o r 1 0 d a y s . I p re p a re d b y rese a rching the lo c ati ons of the closest supermarket s and conf irming that my hotel ro oms had a ref r i gerator a nd mi c row ave. At my sp o n s o r ’ s s u g g e s t i o n , I a l s o g o t a
tem p o r a r y sp o n s o r due to the time zone
d i f f eren ce . Th i s a llowed for d a i l y committed contact w ith another food add i ct
i n re co v er y. I k e p t
t h e re s t au r a n t s to a
m i n i m u m a n d o r -
d ere d t h e s i m p l e s t
m e a l s . I l e a r n e d to e x p er i en ce t h e
to o l s o f t h e p ro g r a m . W h en we ate at
s o m e o n e ’ s h o m e , I a d v o c ate d f o r my s e l f
b y a s k i n g q u e s t i o ns a b o u t w h at t h e h o s t
w a s s er v i n g a n d o f f er i n g to b r i n g f o o d I
co u l d e at . I a l w a y s k e p t a “ g r a b a n d g o
mea l” on hand so I would n ’ t need to a lter my food pl an. Experi ence taug ht me that i f I de v iate from my food pl an e ven once,
t h ere i s n o s to p p i n g t h at b e h av i o r i n t h e f uture. The phrase that I heard many times at meetings w a s “ one d a y at a t i m e . ” Th i s s a y i n g h e l p e d m e w hen I w a s tempted to have more food.
I learned to experience the places we visited by their sights, sounds, and people we met rather than by their local cuisine.
p l a ce s we v i s i te d b y t h e i r s i g h t s , s o u n d s ,
a n d p e o p l e we m et r at h er t h a n b y t h e i r
l o c a l c u i s i n e. Fo l l o w i n g my FA p ro g r a m made me feel free, peacef ul, and protected.
I experi enced a sense of gratitude and awe that I w a s able to stay abstinent aw ay from my home.
I used the f irst 90 days to focus on myself and just l isten. I was not compel led to have
t h e a n s wer s o r d o a ny t h i n g m o re t h a n
we i g h a n d m e a s u re my f o o d a n d us e t h e
As my d ays of cont i n u e d a b s t i n en ce b e g a n to i n c re a s e , my i n te g r i t y b e g a n to f lourish. I w a s becoming a woma n of my wo rd w h en i t
c a me to my fo o d. People a round me no-
t i ce d t h i s , to o, a s I wo u l d s h o w u p to e vent s w ith my ow n food. I surprised myself w ith my consistenc y in FA . There w a s a power greater than me g uid ing me along i n t h o s e e a r l y d a y s . No w I s e e t h at s o clearl y, e ven i f I d i d n ’ t w ant to ad mit it before. This program is s av ing my l i fe and a llow ing me to grow and change. More w i l l be re vea led.
Adele
A., New Je rse y, US
Stay ing A oat
In t h e s u m m er o f 2 0 1 9 , a f ter b e i n g i n
FA f o r t h r e e y e a r s , I s t a r te d s w i m -
m i n g l e s s o ns a g a i n, h av i n g h a d a f e w
p r i v a te l e s s o n s a d e c a d e e a r l i e r b e f o r e
stopping . This time I committed to sti ck-
i n g w i t h i t to e n j o y v a c a t i o n s w h e r e I
c o u l d s n o r k e l o r d o o t h e r w a te r s p o r t s ,
e s p e c i a l l y w i t h m y n e w s m a l l e r b o d y.
Things were going wel l unti l I had to star t
t r e a d i n g w a te r i n t h e d e e p e n d . I p a n -
i c k e d , w e n t u n d e r, a n d m y i n s t r u c to r pushed me t wo feet to the w a l l and s afet y.
I fel t humi l i ated , re a l izing I had forgotten the t ra ining that taug ht me to rol l over to my b a c k a n d re l a x , t h en k i c k to g et to t h e
s i d e o f t h e p o o l . I w a s t h e o l d e s t p er s o n
i n t h e c l a s s a n d my p r i d e w a s b r u i s e d .
O n my w ay h o m e , I c a l l e d a f e l l o w , c r y-
i n g , a n d a s we t a l k e d , I w a s a b l e to l au g h about the humbl ing situati on. I felt better and w a s g ratef ul I had been practi cing the tool of phone c a l l s so I had a fel low to c a l l
w hen I needed it. I d i d not have to turn to
f o o d to t a k e a w a y m y d i s c o m f o r t . T h e next morning , the re ad ing in Twe nt y-Four
H o u r s a D a y w a s a b o u t b e i n g a w a r e o f
G o d ’ s c a r i n g f o r m e i n a l l s i t u a t i o n s .
W h en I c a l l e d my sp o ns o r l ater, s h e re i t-
e r a te d t h a t , j u s t a s m y s w i m i n s t r u c to r
w a s r i g h t t h e r e to h e l p m e , I c a n b e a s -
s u re d Go d w i l l b e a s we l l . I rem a i n co m -
m i t te d to t h e s w i m m i n g l e s s o ns a n d c a n see how facing my fears of the w ater is l i ke
f a c i n g l i f e : I n e e d G o d , f a m i l y, a n d f e l -
l o w s to s t ay a f l o at .
Wa n d a W. , Ge o rg ia , U S
End ing Isol ati on
My daughter was failing in high school and neither I nor my husband kne w what to do to help her. She was a junior, but a combination of depression and anxiet y led her to avoid school. A er a while, her grades fell precipitously. It got to the point where she wouldn ’ t couldn’t get out of bed or talk to us. I was terri ed.
We tried ever ything we could think of to help our daughter. We tried having her friends and brother talk to her. We tried briber y; I think we may have promised her a puppy. I’m ashamed to say that I even raised my voice with her. We held long discussions, negotiating , and tr ying to reach an a greement about a plan for the immediate future. We joined a parenting management group an hour away that cost a lot and helped only a little. She went to therapy when she could get herself out of bed.
All my old behaviors kicked in, obsessing over what she was doing and how I could x, mana ge, and control her. I spent hours researching the issues of depression and anxiet y to help my child. At other times, I simply threw up my hands in helplessness. But I had already been in FA for several years. I knew there had to be a better way. And I turned to my tools. One tool was the telephone. First,
I leaned on my sponsor. It’s hard to remember exactly, but I don’t think I’d been completely forthcoming with my sponsors before this family crisis. I hadn’t been blatantly dishonest, but my dishonest y was by omission. As for outreach calls, I hadn’t made them at all.
When I rst joined FA, I had so much weight to lose and the excitement of losing it so quickly was enough to keep me abstinent. So, I made ver y few calls. During the breaks in our meetings, other fellows would give each other hugs and chat with each other. at didn’t happen to me. No hugs or chatting. Since I never called them, they didn’t know me at all. It didn’t help that I’d o en go into the restroom with my phone and spend the break there. Talk about isolation!
Eventuall y, I took on the role of speaker seeker because I kne w I should be making outreach calls. And I knew it would be easier to make them if I had a purpose and goal. at helped get me into the habit of making calls. But I was doing the bare minimum, just checking a box, rarely being open to talking about myself. e calls were usually perfunctor y. Yes, I connected with other food addicts ever y day, but I usually found a way to focus on the other fellow or keep the conversation light and super cial.
at changed during this crisis with my
daughter. Out of desperation, I started to do what my sponsor had suggested. I called fellows with long-term abstinence. But, there was one additional important detail. I needed to learn to talk about what was going on in my life. I already had fellows in my area I could and did call, but I wanted to talk to fellows who had gone through something similar. I asked my sponsor for names. When I called those fellows, I didn’t bother with polite conversation; I just jumped right in with what was happening to me. I was desperate for help and support. All my fear about taking up space in these conversations just ew out the window. I felt my abstinence and my daughter’s well-being were hanging in the balance.
Toward the end of these conversations, I’d ask for names of other people I could call. Turns out, there are a lot of fellows who have been through a crisis with their teenagers.
I didn’t stop with three calls. Some days I made more than three, sometimes a lot more. I did whatever I needed to do to stay abstinent so I could be of ser vice to my family. Over time, I learned to weigh and measure my calls, as we do our food. I got so much out of these calls, including no longer feeling isolated, lonely, or tr ying to deal with an insurmountable problem on my own.
I heard so much experience, strength, and hope. Fellows told me what they’d done and listened to me talk about the pain I was in. Many told me stories about how their kids
were doing now. Most of them were doing ver y well. Little by slow, I learned what not to do with my daughter, and she got better. e fear abated as I used the tool of the telephone.
Eventually, my family’s life returned to normal. It wasn ’ t that I had gotten detailed solutions through my calls with fellows. at ’ s too much to expect since we don’t give advice in these calls. But I certainly got some pointers. More important was the support I received from people telling me it would be okay.
A little while a er the worst of the crisis, I experienced what I think was a couple of panic attacks. Friends explained to me that this o en happens a er a crisis has passed. It was suggested that I needed to focus on my well-being.
Most importantly, I got through the crisis with my daughter abstinently. When our life nally returned to normal, one thing stayed the same: I was still using the phone, making calls daily to other people in recover y.
ese days, if I don’t have a major issue, I can still be tempted to revert to cocktail part y chit-chat in calls. But I make calls consistently and do my best to share what’s truly going on in my life, even when my life isn’t full of drama.
Today I have a much wider circle of fellows in my network to turn to when I need serious help or when I just want to connect with someone who grasps what it’s like to be a food addict like me. I’m grateful we have been given this wonderful tool.
Ketura P , Washington, DC, US
No More Li es
Ig re w up worr y ing to o much ab out w hat other p eople thoug ht of me. I desp eratel y needed p eople not to think bad l y of me. If the y had no feel ings either w ay, I could l i ve w ith that, but i f I thought someone d idn’t l i ke me, it would keep me awake at night, as I thought about w hat I could s ay or do d i erentl y to ga in their approval.
I also grew up with a desperate need to eat large quantities of food to deal with life. As far back a s I can remember, I wa s focused on fo o d. By mi dd le scho ol , I w a s e ating sugar, our, and grea s y foods in quantities that continual l y increa sed. In my t wenties, I wa s bingeing and purging multiple times a day. I couldn’t even guess how many times a day because I frequentl y would purge in the midd le of a binge so that I could continue eating.
When my desp erate need not to have p eople think b ad l y of me w a s combined w ith my desp erate need to e at, the resul t wa s an aw f ul lot of l ying. I l ied about w hat I had or had not eaten and w here I’d been, a l l to avoi d comment s a nd jud g menta l lo oks f rom my p a rent s, f r i end s, a nd boy friends.
is a l so happ ened w hen my husb a nd and I were dating and later married. Once,
w hen he w a s w a iting for me at my ap a r tment, I c a l led to s ay I w a s sti l l at wor k, which meant I was at least 45 minutes from home I w a s not I w a s e ating my w ay through fa st food places on a street about one mi le from my apar tment. My la st stop wa s a ga s station, w hich I wa s wal king out of w ith food in hand w hen I saw him and, more imp or ta ntl y, he s aw me. He’d stopped for ga s and wa s dumbfounded by my l ie.
Another time, I spi l led something in my car that had a ver y strong smel l and soaked the pa ssenger seat. We had plans to go out and he wanted to ta ke my c ar bec ause his w a s low on ga s In my p a ni c not to b e found out, I ran through many reasons why that would be a bad idea , and nal l y settled on the f act that I’d spi l led so d a in my c a r. He remained unconv inced and sug gested a towel. I w a s resi g ned to my f ate. A er opening my car door and catching a w hi , he turned and said, “Soda , huh?”
If humi l i ati on could have led me to change my behav ior, either of these situati ons or ma ny others l i ke it should have b een enoug h. But humi l i ati on w a s not enough When I wa s home on break during my sophomore ye a r in col lege, my mother caught me sneaking food into the
house under my coat. She fol lowed me up to my ro om to s ay she kne w w hat I w a s doing. I wa s embarra ssed and cried, al l the w hi le stu ng the fo o d in my mouth. I cared deeply about what friends and family thought of me, and I thought of myself a s a n honest p erson but, w hen it c a me to food, sneaking and l ying seemed to be my onl y choice.
is l y ing a l so extended to st ra ngers
when necessar y. I spent years eating at buffets, which I saw as a rather anonymous and economic a l way to eat. Nobod y took my order, and I could go back a s many times a s I l i ked. When a change in hea l th code polic y required diners to get a new plate for e ach t r i p to the bu et, I w a s ver y s ad. It changed my dining experience completely. I still ate the same amounts, but I was more self-conscious because now there was clear
MEREDITH M , ME
e v i dence of the qua ntiti es I w a s e ating those darn plates piling up, which had to be removed by the waitsta .
On one bu et trip, shor tl y before I came to FA, I kept e yeing the woma n w ho cleared my plates. She must think I’m a pig. I decided I could leave the restaurant and go e at some w here el se or I could expl a in to the woma n w hy I w a s e ating so much. I chose the latter.
I told her, “I have an extraord inari l y high metabolism, which is real l y inconvenient. I need to e at l a rge quantities of food to ma inta in my weig ht. I can ’ t a ord to eat at home, so I eat at buffets. I’m really embarrassed by how it must look.” What w a s her re acti on? Whether she b el i e ved me or not, I don’t know. Whether she thoug ht bad l y of me, a gain I don’t know. Whether she c a red to l isten to my stor y, I’m prett y sure she d id not. is might be the most preposterous l ie that I told about my eating , and it’s a f unny stor y to tel l w hen I qual if y, now that I have some years of abstinence behind me, but it also re ects the degree to which my disease had pro g ressed physi c a l l y, menta l l y, a nd spiritual l y. My eating wa s uncontrol lable, I
wa s paranoid and thought irrational l y, and one of my st rongest instinct s w a s to l i e w hen food wa s involved.
I know that the only reason
I ate like I described is because I was a food addict in disease. I’m grateful for the program of honest y I’m working in FA.
Tod ay, I know that the onl y rea son I ate l i ke I described is because I wa s a food addict in disease. I’m gratef ul for the program of honest y I’m working in FA, which keeps me at a he a l thy wei g ht a nd , most imp ortantly, brings me back to a relationship with Go d. I sti l l get a t w inge w hen I’m concerned that someone is upset w ith me or w hen I must address an issue with another person, and my mind instinctivel y wants to “ ma ss a ge ” the t r uth. A er a l l , l y ing w a s my go-to to ol for so many years. a nkf ul l y, I have ne w to ol s. I c a n ta l k to my sp onsor a nd other fel lows w hen I’m undeci ded or ner vous ab out something , and I can do ser vice to get outside of my he ad. I c a n ta ke ext ra qui et time a s needed and, inev itabl y, I’l l read something in the FA Book, Big Book, or Twent y-Four Hours a Day that provides insight. Most importantl y, I am rigorousl y honest about my abstinence. Ever y me a l , e ver y d ay is weighed and mea sured; no sugar, no our, and nothing in bet ween meals.
Ang ie R ., New York , US
Fo o d— e L a st ing to Do
Growing up, I was ercely independent. “I can do it myself,” I would exclaim. I didn't want anyone ’ s help. Accepting help was distasteful to me because it le me feeling inadequate and inferior. So, to be in control, I had to have things done my way, in my time. I didn’t believe in a Higher Power. I was in charge of my life. However, over the years, a er experiencing many unexplainable situations in my life, I began to accept that I did have a Higher Power. In Januar y 2023, this acceptance led me to FA.
About nine months into the program, I was enjoying success by avoiding our and sugar and adopting new habits. “Living abstinently” is what people call it. I started in FA at around 390 pounds, and in those rst nine months, I lost 160 pounds. But my next three months were disappoint-
JEAN P , RI
ing. My weight loss was much less dramatic. I thought I should be losing weight faster. Why wasn ’ t I losing more weight? I hadn’t broken my abstinence and was following my food plan as given to me by my sponsor. I gured it was because I was going through a lot of stress and not getting adequate sleep. But that wasn ’ t the whole stor y. I was aware of consciously blocking out my Higher Power and tr ying to practice the program by myself, doing things my way, and avoiding help. I didn't want to do my meditation quiet times ever y morning. I didn’t want to take my sponsor ’ s suggestions to “ turn things over ” to my Higher Power and ask for help. Quiet time cut into my sleeping time. When I woke each morning, I wanted to hit the ground running. Forget about sitting still for 30 minutes. I can do it myself, I thought,
which was ironic since my way took me to nearly 400 pounds.
ings came to a head when I found myself not wanting to eat at all. at old familiar feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin returned. I felt uncomfortable and disconnected. I rationalized that I must be depressed or su ering from some sub-conscious self-sabotage as my one-year anniversar y of abstinence approached. But no, the truth was simpler than that. I had loosened up on doing the daily practices my sponsor had given me. I wouldn't let go of my old habit of doing things on my own, my way.
I could see my mental stabilit y was shaky. I recalled the words of many FA fellows who’d told me, “ e food is the last thing to go. ” To me, that meant eating addictively again was right around the corner. at scared me.
I took action. I picked up the phone and reached out for help. I realized I couldn't do it by myself. I called a few fellows ever y day for the rest of the week. A er several days, I eased into doing my quiet time again. e dark cloud of self-su cienc y and willf ulness started to li . I had to accept (again) that I didn ' t have control over my food, my weight, or my life. I started to hand my problems back to my Higher Power. My Higher Power and my fellow FA members kept me from taking that rst addictive bite. I don’t ever want to come that close to breaking my abstinence ever again.
Kris M., Utah, US
Twelve Steps
We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our a airs.
R i g ht-Sized R el ati onshi p
When I was 22, I came into FA to lose weight. From age three until I came to Program, my headspace was constantly preoccupied with getting my next food hit while simultaneously tr ying to lose weight. I did not know what it meant to be an addict, nor did I f ully comprehend what a TwelveStep program was.
e gi of desperation and my vanit y helped me stay in the rooms during my early abstinence. I thought I was ready to attract a life partner and eventually build a family. I always knew that I was a beautif ul person inside and out, but because of my addiction, I did not feel like the person I wanted to be physically and in the way that I showed up in the world.
through the doors of FA to get thin and nd a man. My sponsor suggested that I abstain from making any big decisions in my rst year of recover y. Her suggestion was met with rebellion and reluctance because my self-will was strong. I knew what was best for me despite the apparent lack of self-care in my nearly 290-pound frame. Le to my own devices, I couldn ’ t care for myself or a life partner. I needed to heal to add to the qualit y of my future husband’s life. I needed to be well to be a loving and recovered mom for my f uture children.
In retrospect, I understand that I felt constant self-hatred ever y time I would start a new diet and eventually fail. My dieting led me to become a 286-pound bulimic. I came
At this time, I was living in Israel and tried to move back to the United States so I could date, but God eventually showed me that I was exactly where I was supposed to be in Israel and single. I am grateful for the fellows and my sponsor who took my calls during that period, many of whom suggested I go on a date with God. I
GRACE A , ISRAEL
rolled my eyes at the ridiculous thought of dating my Higher Power, but at the same time was grateful for the extensive time I was given to build a relationship with my Higher Power. I learned what I like to do. I learned to nd joy in communion with God. As a result, I strengthened my relationships with friends, family, and Higher Power. Eventually, I started dating and have taken many breaks from dating when I felt that my recover y was at risk. A er a dating break of
A er years of practice, I had become a professional God dater by the time I went on a date with a man.
nearly six months, I was ready to tr y again! I met my rst date via an app. A er years of practice, I had become a professional God dater by the time I went on a date with a man. Ironically, I dated a man named Gad, a common Hebrew name that, when pronounced correctly, sounds like “God.” e relationship with Gad didn’t work out, but my relationship with God certainly has! I’m free from addiction and obsession. I’m in my right-sized body and my right-sized mind. e rightsized relationship will come if I strengthen my recover y and continue to heal.
Grace A., Israel
Twelve Traditions
Our common welfare should come rst; personal recovery depends on FA unity.
For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.
Each group should be autonomous except in matters a ecting other groups or FA as a whole.
Each group has but one primary purpose –to carry its message to the food addict who still su ers.
An FA group ought never endorse, nance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and lms.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous
Disney land!
As our long-sched uled f a mi l y t r i p
to D i s n e y l a n d d r e w c l o s e r, m y
f e a r, d o u b t , a n d i n s e c u r i t y
m o u n te d I h a d jus t o v er 9 0 d ay s o f co n -
t i n u o u s a b s t i n e n c e i n FA a n d f o o d h a d
b e en a b i g p a r t o f my p a s t D i sn e y l a n d e x-
p e r i e n c e s T h o s e v a c a t i o n s h a d a l w a y s
been about indul g ing myself. Many mem-
o r i e s a n d f o o d - r e l a te d f a m i l y t r a d i t i o n s
were popping up in my mind Could I stay
a b s t i n en t ?
My sp o ns o r s u g g e s te d I b o o k a p l a ce to
s t a y w i t h a k i tc h e n S h e a l s o s u g g e s te d I
t a l k to f e l l o w FA m e m b e r s w i t h e x p e r i -
e n c e m a i n t a i n i n g t h e i r a b s t i n e n c e w h i l e
v i s i t i n g D i s n e y l a n d In n o t i m e , I h e a r d
g re at t i p s a n d t r i c k s f ro m m em b er s w h o
h a d b e en t h ere. I f e l t s o m u c h b et ter a n d
we l l - p re p a re d f o r s u cce s s
O n d ay o n e , I m a d e s u re I h a d my m e a l s
p r e p p e d a n d r e a d y to t a k e o n t h e p l a n e
w ith me Hav ing pre-cooked weig hed and
m e a s u re d f rozen p o r t i o ns i n my s u i tc a s e
re l i e v e d a l o t o f s t re s s a n d g av e m e p e a ce
o f m i n d Pl u s , I h a d b r o u g h t m y m o s t
p r i ze d p o s s e s s i o n : my f o o d s c a l e !
O n ce we c h e c k e d i n to t h e h o te l , I wen t
to t h e g ro cer y s to re to g et t h e rem a i n i n g
i tems I n e e d e d f o r t h e we e k B a c k i n o u r hotel kitchenette (w hi ch I p a i d ext ra for),
I p r e p p e d a l l m y m e a l s f o r t h e c o m i n g
d ay s s o I co u l d e a s i l y p a c k my l u n c h a n d
d i n n er i n t h e m o r n i n g a n d g o.
It w a s a l s o s u g g e s te d t h at I ren t a l o c k er
e a c h d a y to s to r e m y m e a l s T h i s w a s
wor th the mone y bec ause lug g ing a heav y
b a c k p a c k f u l l o f f o o d a l l m o r n i n g wo u l d
n o t h av e b e en f u n
As l unchtime appro ached , I rec a l led a n-
o t h e r t i p I ’d r e c e i v e d f r o m a f e l l o w FA
m e m b e r w i t h D i s n e y l a n d e x p e r i e n c e I
h a d wo n d ere d i f I wo u l d b e a b l e to w a r m
m y f o o d . My FA f r i e n d r e c o m m e n d e d
using the “mother’s lounge" ne a r the lo ck-
er s. It w a s e a s y to f i n d a n d s u re en o u g h, I
s aw t wo m i c ro w av e o v ens. A p a r k at ten -
d a n t s to o d at t h e en t r a n ce I f e l t n er v o us
Wa s it okay for me to use the mi c row ave?
Bu t t h en I t h o u g h t , I f i t w o r k ed f o r m y FA
f r i e n d , m a y b e i t w o u l d w o r k f o r m e I a s k e d
my Hi g h er Po wer f o r t h e co u r a g e to a s k
t h e a t te n d a n t i f I c o u l d u s e t h e m i -
c ro w av e , a n d s h e k i n d l y re p l i e d , “ Ye s ”
No w , w h e r e to e a t ? I w a s a l o n g w a y
f r o m w h e r e m y f a m i l y w a s h a v i n g t h e i r
l unch Eating here, by the lo ckers, at these
i n v i t i n g p u b l i c t a b l e s a n d c h a i r s , w o u l d
b e f a r e a s i er t h a n h u n t i n g d o w n my f a m -
i l y. At f i r s t , I f e l t s a d t h at I wo u l d n o t b e
e a t i n g w i t h t h e m . B u t t h e n s o m e t h i n g
w o n d e r f u l h a p p e n e d f o r m e a n d my re-
co v er y. E at i n g h ere w a s q u i et . A n d a f ter
e a t i n g , I m a d e p h o n e c a l l s to f e l l o w s i n
At d i n n er t i m e , I ret u r n e d to my sp e c i a l
a r e a b y t h e
l o c k e r s ,
w h e r e a
b a rb ershop
q u a r tet w a s
s i n g i n g
n e a r b y. I
enjoyed the
m u s i c a s I
ate.
My m e a l -
t i m e s a t
D isne y l and
b e c a m e a
e r g y ! In f a c t , a t t i m e s , m y f a m i l y s t r u g-
g l e d to k e e p u p w i t h m e ! T h e y c o m -
p l a i n e d o f b e i n g t i re d a n d s l u g g i s h a f ter
e at i n g . I at t r i b u te d t h at to t h e p a r k f o o d
t h e y were co ns u m i n g , a s o p p o s e d to t h e
h e a l t hy, a b s t i n en t m e a l s I w a s en j o y i n g !
But that’s not a l l. I fel t f ul l y present d ur-
i n g t h e en t i re t r i p a n d w a s a b l e to f o c u s
o n m y c h i l d r e n ’ s n e e d s . In t h o s e l o n g
XANDRA G , CA
l i n e s , w e
c o n n e c t e d
a n d t a l k e d
w h i l e w a i t -
i n g to g o
o n r i d e s . I
f e l t s o
much g rati-
t u d e f o r
h o w t h e
t r i p w a s
t u r n i n g
o u t . I a pp r e c i a t e d
p e a c e f u l , r e l a x i n g t i m e to r e g r o u p, f e e l
m o re g ro u n d e d , a n d re c h a r g e p hy s i c a l l y
a n d sp i r i t u a l l y My f a m i l y a n d I wo u l d re-
connect shor tl y af ter. The y had a happi er,
m o re p re s en t m o m a n d w i f e b e c a u s e o f
i t !
I h a d wo r r i e d t h at a l l t h e w a l k i n g e a c h
d ay wo u l d m a k e m e f e e l e x t r a h u n g r y o r
we a k , b u t I w a s p l e a s a n t l y s u r p r i s e d t h at
my fo o d susta ined me a nd I w a s g i ven en-
a l l t h e l i t t l e to u c h e s a ro u n d t h e p a r k I ’d
o v er l o o k e d i n p a s t v i s i t s. I e v en en j o y e d
t a k i n g p i c t u re s w i t h my f a m i l y D i s n e y -
l a n d wo u l d n e v er b e t h e s a m e. B e i n g f re e
f r o m f l o u r a n d s u g a r i n FA , i t w a s w a y
b et ter Th e y c a l l D i sn e y l a n d “ Th e h a p p i -
e s t p l a ce o n E a r t h.” Fo r t h i s f o o d a d d i c t ,
w h e r e v e r I a m i s t h e h a p p i e s t p l a c e o n
e a r t h, a s l o n g a s I ’ m a b s t i n en t
Ch e r y l B . , Ut a h , U S
Notable & Q uotable
In FA, we remember to H.A.L.T. to avoid getting too hungr y, angr y, lonely, or tired. When it comes to that last one, here are FA members’ tips for getting enough sleep.
“ In the beginning, it was so hard to get to bed early enough to get up for my quiet time, sponsor call, and breakfast. My sponsor sug gested I set two alarms on my phone--one to get up in the morning, and one that tells me when to go to bed at night.”
“A black silk eye mask is lightweight, at, inexpensive, and keeps out all light!”
“I bought a plug that enables me to remote control ‘ on and o ’ my husband’s bedside light.”
“I use an app on my phone that makes white noise at night so my partner ’ s snoring doesn’t keep me up. ”
“I always thought I was one of those people who just didn’t need that much sleep, and I regularly got about six hours a night But I was also
Ar t, News, & Clues
falling asleep in meetings. My sponsor mentioned that if I got more sleep, I might be able to stay awake in meetings She was right! Now I know that if I don’t get at least seven hours of sleep, my program su ers ”
“We have a king size bed but we use two matching twin comforters with duvet covers so we can each toss and turn as we wish. No more cover-stealing! We don’t use a top sheet, but the duvet covers are made with thin cotton for easy zip o and toss in the wash”
“I set my smart phone to ‘focus’ (do not disturb) to turn on automatically for sleep, quiet time, and meetings to reduce distractions.”
Do you have a quote or short anecdote about how to handle holidays abstinently to share? Anyone with 90 days or more of continuous abstinence is encouraged to submit by sending words of wisdom to articles@foodaddicts.org.
God,grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the di erence.
